The Ducktators

“Tutti frutti and all-a kind of whips cream and a wall-a nuts!”

Supervision by Norman McCabe; Story by Melvin Millar; Animation by John Carey; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1942.

Just want to remind everyone that this comes from a time where the country was at war. So naturally, we Americans made fun of our enemies. (Instead of today where we casually make fun of everyone)

Why do all the poultry in the barnyard have cigars? Seems that a pair of ducks are expecting! Wait, why is their egg black? Unless you’re a fish, I don’t think that’s a healthy color for your egg to have. Well, it may not be dead, but it IS rotten. Out hatches a duckling with a familiar looking mustache. Welcome to the world little Hitler Duck. He grows up quickly enough and seems he hasn’t got quite the right mindset. He gives some speeches to other birds about his ideas for the future. (They sound nice on paper… actually they don’t. He’s evil.) Sadly, some poor souls were taken in by his words. Especially one goose in particular. (He’s not given a name, but he is Italian, so it’s safe to assume we all have given him the same name. You were thinking “Goosalini,” right?) I would also like to note, that this cartoon is not so single minded as to think all “ducks” and “geese” are like this, and it offers an apology to those whose countries names are being tainted by these a-holes. They begin amassing a good number of soldiers. (One of whom, is a black duck from south Germany. Unlike the depictions of Nazis, this guy is still pretty offensive today. I give it a pass due to its time period, but it is still sad it was once considered perfectly acceptable) Not all the birds are agreeing to the way things are going. A dove (naturally) wants things to go in a more peaceful direction. The two leaders agree to a peace conference, but then go and shred the treaty. (Not cool guys. And after you even bothered to hand a banner saying “Peace iss vonderful”) But aren’t we missing someone? Wasn’t there one other enemy we had? And here he is now, Tojo the duck. He tries to label an island as Japanese mandated, but the island was really a turtle and he isn’t quite pleased. He chases the bird to beat him. The duck tries to get out of it by showing off his “I am Chinese” button, but the subtitle saying it was made in Japan doesn’t convince anyone. The gang’s all here, and they begin marching. (By this cartoon’s logic, they’re Italian stepping) The dove tries once more to get them to stop, but they just walk over him. Having enough, the dove begins to fight back. Others join his side, including “Hare-y Colona” and a sign advertising war bonds. They are victorious! Later, the dove, (who has two children named Peace and Quiet) admits that he still hates fighting, but he had to so something to stop those fowl types. And he really gave it to them, he mounted their heads on his wall.

Personal Rating: 3

Wacky Blackout

“Okay! Lights out!”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Warren Foster; Animtaion by Sid Sutherland; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1942.

In today’s short we will see how animals react to the war. For example a farmer has trained his dog to put out fires. (He’s a Spitz) And milk is and essential part of a soldiers diet, so it is a good thing that this cow gives out 5,000 quarts a day. (or rather we take it from her.) Old Tom is a cat. He has lived through at least three wars so he knows that this one will turn out okay. And next to him is a woodpecker. He knows that it might result in bad things, but he can’t resist giving the cat a peck. Now, when it comes to American holidays, (by that I mean, ones we invented) my favorite is Thanksgiving. Luckily for me, a turkey is busily “gobbling” down food as fast as he can. Unluckily for me, once he learns of my dinner plans, he begins a weight loss program. Next, some turtle eggs are just about to hatch. (But first, that woodpecker pecks Tom again. Remember kids, never peck a pussy.) Yes, well, as I was saying, the eggs begin to hatch. The first two are normal enough, but the last one is convinced he is a jeep. A dog wants some attention from… well, technically speaking, a bitch. (Don’t look at me! That’s the correct term!) But the poor guy is shy. He has to resort to initiating his own blackouts in order to score some make outs. And speaking of blackouts, (wacky and non-wacky) the fireflies are performing a practice one. A turtle that is much older than what we’ve seen thus far is hesitant to go into his shell. He’s afraid of the dark. (Because that’s when dogs get it on. What is wrong with me today?) A mother bird is trying to teach her chick to fly. Does that bird look familiar? It’s Tweety! Or at least a proto-Tweety. He’s got a different voice and a slightly different design, but this is the bird that would become the world’s favorite canary. What’s his gag? He doesn’t want to fly normally, he’d rather be a dive bomber. Speaking of birds, the swallows won’t be returning to Capistrano anytime soon. They are blocked by the fourth interceptor command. But some birds are more loved during the war time. Pigeons for example. One pair in particular produced many offspring during the last war. And though they are quite a bit older this time, they are still as patriotic as a “Draft Horse” (And as for that woodpecker? He pecked Old Tom one time too many and is no longer with us. But he still  is with Tom for at least… 24 hours? How long does it take for a cat to digest a bird?)

Personal Rating: 3

The Draft Horse

“Raise left foreleg!”

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Ted Pierce; Animation by Robert Cannon; Musical Supervision by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1942.

A short very important in the history of Mr. Jones, as it was the first time he wasn’t trying to be Disney.

A horse (Not named like we’ve come to expect. I’m calling him Stallone. It’s a clever name for a stallion) is happily plowing a field. But he then sees a poster asking for horses for the war. Feeling fully patriotic, he bids the farmer farewell, and heads to the recruitment office. (The plow still attached and driving a gap through the countryside) There, he shows off how great he’d be on the battlefield to the major. He imitates guns firing, bombs dropping and even his own heroic death. The Major even tears up before remembering that the horse is still alive. He orders it to strip. Stallone  does so as sexily as he can. (Which to another male, isn’t any. But plenty funny) He is scrubbed down by a soldier… Well I’ll be! It’s Private Snafu! Making his first appearance! Stallone is ticklish though, and doesn’t stand still. When getting a physical,he screams when told to say, “ah.” When told to lift various limbs, he does so without putting any of the previous down. He doesn’t fall until he’s told he can’t float. (Except, as a toon, he definitely can.) When all is said and done, the poor horse is rejected. As he mopes, he accidentally wanders onto a sham battlefield where a sham war is being held. (What a sham pain.) He runs around in fear from the cannons, tanks and bombs. He agrees that he is not quite ready to be drafted. So back to plowing? Hardly! Still as patriotic as ever, he takes to knitting sweaters for the troops. (And it takes a lot of patriotism to knit with hooves.)

Personal Rating: 3

Rookie Revue

“I’m a baaad general.”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Richard Bickenback; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1941.

For today, we’re going to see how the army lives, so get ready for army related gags! The soldiers snore “You’re in the army now,” but it is time to get up. The guy who is supposed to do that, has a jukebox play it for him. The soldiers fall in. (One of whom looks an awful lot like Elmer.) Of course, being woken up so early, the troops are still asleep even as they march in step. They do perk up once they are supposed to sound off. Mess call is their favorite thing to hear. The infantry eats very sloppily, until they notice they are on camera, they then remember their manners. (They are caricatures of Tex Avery, and executives Henry Binder and Ray Katz.) The machine gunners shovel food into their mouths at high speed, bombers toss food into their mouths, and the suicide squad eat with huge frowns. (If i had to watch that movie, I would frown too.) The calvary’s horses march in step, and the camouflage experts are near invisible. (I can see their guns) Speaking of guns, the soldiers used to be trained by pretending a plank of wood was gun. It was a simpler time. So simple in fact, paratroopers didn’t even get parachutes, and had to settle for a label that said “parachute.” (It’s one of the few times I’m happy with how huge the human population is. We would lose so many soldiers that way) Test pilots amuse themselves, by playing tic-tac-toe with their planes. But the general has no time for such tomfoolery. He is very busy planning coordinates for some gunners to follow. He takes his time calculating before is is ready for them to fire. They do and we find out exactly where those coordinates are: his headquarters. D’oh!

Personal Rating: 3

Daffy-The Commando

“Teh bin fertig mit der feleton, herr von limberger?”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Ken Champin; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1943.

A Nazi general by the name of Von Vulture is not in the best of moods. He has just been told that he is through should he let one more commando get through. He doesn’t have much to back him up either. Just a small, constantly goosestepping,constantly heil-ing, silent bird named Schultz who Von constantly smacks on the head. Hearing a plane, they rush outside with a spotlight and spot a commando. Daffy the commando to be precise. And he immediately makes his mark by making shadow puppets in the light. (His chorus line gets much approval from Schultz.) Upon his landing, Von runs back to the safety of the bunker. Daffy knocks on his door and asks for the time, so he can set his time bomb correctly. (It’s a going away gift for the vulture) Von hands it to his little pal and he is blown into the sky. When he lands, Daffy pops out of his helmet and gives Von a smack on the head this time. Chasing Daffy, (and confusing a skunk with Hitler. An easy mistake) He finds him in a phone booth. And no matter how much he knocks, Daffy isn’t letting him in until he’s done. When Daffy is done, Von makes a phone call before remembering his mission. Daffy takes off in a plane, but is surrounded. He dives down, and the Nazi’s fire upon each other. But Daffy’s plane is taken down by Von. With nowhere else to hide, Daffy ducks into a cannon. Von fires him and wouldn’t you know it, it blasts Daffy all the way to Hitler. (Rotoscoped, of course) He gives the fuhrer a much deserved smack on the head.

Personal Rating: 3

Russian Rhapsody

“Silly, isn’t he?”

 Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Lou Lilly; Animation by Rod Scribner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1944. Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Lou Lilly; Animation by Rod Scribner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1944.

One of the hundred greatest Looney Tunes and well worth that title!

Germany isn’t doing so hot these days. (These 1941 days to be precise) All of the planes they send to bomb Moscow are being destroyed mysteriously. Could it possibly be gremlins? It couldn’t be! Not with Disney refusing to allow any cartoons about them being made at the time. Hitler is furious. (And let’s be real here, this is the funniest Hitler to ever exist. He screams, he speaks in random words with a bad German accent, and he moves like a spaz! It’s the only time I can say: “I love this guy!”) He finally decides to just send the finest person Germany has to offer: himself. As he flies to Moscow, (which, did you know, borders Berlin?) it appears that he is not alone. Several gremlins are on board and they sing a hauntingly catchy song. What’s more, they appear to be caricatures of various looney people. Tedd Pierce, Friz Freleng, Chuck Jones, Leon Schleshinger, and the man himself, Bob Clampett. They set to work destroying the plane. A “Tubby” gremlin tries to stab Hitler in the butt, one saws the plane and just barely misses his pal, a adorable teeny one smashes the dials with a hammer, and one unleashes a termiteski to devour the plane. (Unlike termites which eat wood, termiteskis subsist on only the finest of messerschmidts.) One joke that is kinda dated is replacing Hitler’s C card with an A card. (Gas rationing. C is more.) The “Millar” gremlin finally gets Adolf and the fuhrer finally realizes he has company. (Also the little one he talks to is holding a feather, that magically morphs into a hammer) They put his nose in an electrical socket, and the resulting shock turns him into a glowing swastika, skunk, and donkey in that order. He pulls a knife on them, but they scare him with a Stalin mask. (And then the short immediately jumps to him on the floor. I can’t help but wonder if a scene was cut) With him taken care of, the gremlins cut around him and he falls to earth with the plane crushing him. He pops out of the ground to comment on how “Nutzis is the cwaziest peoples.” The gremlins pound him back under his grave where he belongs.

Personal Rating: 4

Herr Meets Hare

“Watch your blood pressure, Chubby!”

Ain’t Hitler a stinker?

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1945.

Hitler’s pet, Hermann Göring, (or as the short affectionately calls him, Fatso) is taking a break from being part of the worst kind of people in the world, (or as no one calls them affectionately, the Nazis) and is off on a hunting trip in the Black Forest. Bugs is tunneling nearby, and for the first time ever, makes a wrong turn at Albuquerque. The tubby one sets his gun sights on the rabbit. While Bugs asks Hermann for directions to Las Vegas. Hermann muses out loud about Vegas, and Bugs, ever the helpful sort, gives him the directions and sends him on his way.

But as much as it pains me to admit, Göring was not that dumb and soon remembers that such a city does not exist in Germany. Bugs admires the medals the man has, but proves them all to be nothing but tin. Angry, Hermann starts insulting Hitler. Bugs uses this opportunity to disguise himself as the führer to really mess with Göring. (You ask why there is a mirror in the woods? I ask, “Why does it teleport to a different tree?”) He begs for forgiveness. He even gives a kiss. (♪ Right in the führers face! ♪) This causes some of Bugs fake mustache to come off on Hermann’s lips and upon heiling himself, he wises up.

Chasing again, he hears something to his right. (Although Bugs comes from his left. Whoops.) It’s Bugs dressed as Brunhilde. (A good seventeen before “What’s Opera Doc?“) Hermann dresses as Sigfried and they dance. (Bugs getting the Nazi to crash into his shield.) Hermann tries to set a falcon on him, but the bird can’t understand his commands through his accent. Bugs explains he is supposed to catch a rabbit. The bird grabs Bugs…and nods to show he understands. He takes off.

Bugs wonders if the bird can actually catch him, but Hermann has no doubts. Bugs tickles him and dives back into his hole. Unbelievably, the bird is at the bottom and catches Bugs in a sack. Yes, Bugs was actually caught! Gleeful over his prize, Hermann rushes to show Hitler. Hitler is happy and takes a peek into the bag. He freaks out and runs away with Hermann doing the same. Turns out Bugs was able to scare them off with his Josef Stalin cosplay.

Personal Rating: 3

Hippety Hopper

“A mouse as big as me!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Pete Burness, John Carey, Charles McKimson, and Phil DeLara; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1949.

I just love how many shorts titles were just a characters name. It wasn’t even their first appearance when it happened.

Anyway, a mouse is about to commit suicide. Since it’s not being treated as a joke, it’s not funny. Luckily for him, he is saved. Hippety may be young, but he knows that ending yourself is never the answer. The mouse (Who needs a name. I’ll call him Mini. Mini the mouse. Completely origina.l) asks his new friend (who he thinks is a giant mouse) to help him get even with the one who caused his depression in the first place: Sylvester the cat. Hippety agrees.

Mini wakes Sylvester up and threatens to take vitamins and grow to match his size. Sylvester laughs at this, but soon sees the joey and freaks out. Mini kind of ruins things by coming back to say he warned him. I guess mice just fluctuate in size? Is that what rats really are? Whatever. Sylvester tries to fight off the “mouse” anyway and it goes about as well as you’d expect. A bulldog witnesses this and refuses to let Sylvester be treated as such. If the dog has a job of protecting the house, the cat has to do his job of mousing. Sylvester is thrown back in.

He tackles Hippety and goes for a bumpy ride before once again ending up outside. He tries to explain that a giant mouse is doing this to him. The dog sends him back with some glasses to prove he’s seeing things. Besides, no one hits a guy with glasses on. Oh wait, Australians have no qualms about such things. (Or at least babies don’t.) The dog finally decides to take care of things himself. He sees Sylvester wasn’t kidding, but refuses to let a “mouse” kick him out. Hippety tries, but the dog has some great upper body strength and doesn’t budge. It takes a bite from Mini to get him to lose his footing and become kick-able.

Mini threatens to pin his ears back if he comes back in. Despite what just happened, the dog calls his bluff and says he’ll take up ballet the day a mouse pins his ears back. And then he ends up with pinned ears. He does keep his word, but the jerk is so insecure that he forces Sylvester to do it with him. The two dance off into the distance.

Personal Rating: 3

Sniffles Takes a Trip

“Gee willikers! This is the life!”

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Phil Monroe; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1940.

As the title suggests, this short is about Sniffles taking a vacation. He is off for a relaxing time in the country. He’s got his bindle and follows the train tracks out of the city. He knows he’s made it by the sound of the singing robins. (A crow.) He happily enters Country Meadows. A lovely place that boasts having fresh air, babbling brooks, and pretty flowers. Sniffles takes in the splendors of nature (the flora, the fauna, the fungi) and pulls out a pair of binoculars to look around. Getting a rather close up look of a fly in the process.

Well, time for the real reason anyone goes on a vacation: to sleep. He sets up a hammock and nods off. It’s not long before he is woken up by a woodpecker. Rather than fight, the mouse simply moves his hammock to another location. He ends up tying it to the legs of a… stork? Swan? Whooping Crane? It looks like some sort of wader, but the beak is rounded and the crest doesn’t look like it belongs there. But I digress. The bird walks into some water, taking Sniffles along with it. He realizes rather quickly that he is underwater. He climbs out and onto the bill of the curlew/egret/albino flamingo with a Mohawk.

Scared, he falls into the water and swims away from what he believes to be an alligator. (Considering he just leaped off of a spoonbill/ibis, I wouldn’t doubt that he’s in the everglades.) It’s just a cute widdle froggie, though. (No really. It’s adorable and I want it.) Sniffles heads back to camp. That night, he huddles near his campfire and reflects on how dark it has gotten. The nearby quail, grasshoppers, and moths look much more threatening in the P.M. But the scariest thing in the woods is the various eyes that watch you. I have no doubt that this is scarier than Disney’s “Snow White.” That shows the forest creepies to be her imagination making trees look more evil than usual, and the eyes are just simply the animals that live there. We never will find out exactly what is watching him. Having had enough of the “peaceful” life, Sniffles flees back home.

Personal Rating: 3

Often an Orphan

“Everybody wants a dog!”

Your acting is awful, orphan.

Directed by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Lloyd Vaughan, Ken Harris, Phil Monroe, and Ben Washam; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Peter Alvarado. A Looney Tune released in 1949.

A man is going on a picnic with his dog, Charlie. Starting a game of fetch, the man drives off as soon as the dog runs, leaving Charlie behind. Seems like the norm. Charlie is a little annoyed that he let himself fall for the ole’ “Let’s go on a picnic.” ploy. But doesn’t dwell on it long and begins searching for a new master. Despite his cute eyes, and charming tricks, none seems interested. He then overhears farmer Porky. A farm is a great place for a dog, and Charlie offers himself up.

Porky is not interested. But Charlie is a dream come true of mixed breeds! He’s 50% of pointer, boxer, setter, spitz, and pincher. (With accompanying gags for each.) And he’s also 100% Labrador Retriever. When Porky calls his bluff, he offers to prove it by retrieving Porky’s Lab. Since Porky doesn’t have one, they got nothing more to say to each other. And so, Porky kicks the dog back to the street. Upon reaching home, he finds Charlie requesting ham and eggs. (Porky? Why are you raising pigs on your farm? This disturbs me greatly.)

He once more makes to throw him out, but there is a man from the Humane Society out there watching him. (Probably got some calls about a farmer selling his own kind as a food source. No, I’m not dropping that. That was a strange joke, Chuck.) Porky shifts his tone until the man is gone, then once more orders Charlie to leave. Charlie delivers a sob story about how he always wanted to live in the country. He is weak and needs wholesome food to regain his strength. And his observations of city life sound pretty legit. (I’ve yet to see one person smile in one of those.) Porky agrees to let him stay. He even has a sleeping bag for Charlie. (Looks a little like a mail sack to me, but who cares? Charlie looks so cute with just his head poking out!)

Turns out it was a mail sack, and Porky mails the dog to Scotland. He finds the Scottish Terr-…Mixed breed back at home. Admitting defeat, he concedes to being Charlie’s owner, and suggests they go on a picnic. Charlie apparently didn’t learn his lesson the first time, and happily agrees. As soon as they arrive, Porky throws a stick for the dog to fetch. Charlie in turn, takes the car and leaves Porky stranded. Guess he did learn his lesson after all. You can’t trick an old dog new teach. (Wait…) Porky snaps, and begins acting like a dog. He does the cute eye routine, and is apparently better at it than Charlie, as someone does indeed pick him up: A dog catcher.

Personal Rating: 3