Tortoise beats Hare

“I tell ya, it just don’t make sense.”

Sorry for the delay. Christmas came and with it, Looney Tunes. I have been watching a lot of new ones and now I am ready for more action!

This is an early Bugs Bunny cartoon, number 3 for him. It was also one of the few made by Tex Avery. (I just noticed, he directed Daffy, and Bugs’ first cartoons.) Back on topic, Bugs comes out and reads the title and credits. (Pronouncing them wrong) When he gets to the title, he freaks out and demands a race with the tortoise. Winner gets ten bucks.

When the race begins, Bugs is off and Cecil calls nine other turtles to help him cheat. Bugs is still running and passes one of them. Needless to say, he is dumbstruck. He leaves him behind, but no matter how fast he goes, he keeps finding a tortoise ahead of him. He tries leaving various debris in the path, and destroying a bridge, but when he comes to the end, Cecil is already there.

Bugs gives him the money and wonders if he was tricked. Cecil and the turtles (each holding a dollar) tell him its a possibility. (I should have talked about this one before the second one.)

Personal Rating: 4

Little Red Riding Rabbit

“Hey grandma! That’s an awfully big nose for you… ta have!”

Just like the original story, we open with Red going to her grandma’s house. She is an annoying, loud, bobbysoxer, who is obsessed with getting the story right. She is going to give her grandma a rabbit and as to be expected, a wolf makes it there first. (Grandma is not home.)

When Red arrives, the wolf kicks her out because all he wants is the rabbit. He chases Bugs through a great gag involving lots of doors. After this, Bugs decides to be helpful and show where he is hiding. Throughout this whole cartoon, Red keeps coming in to say her lines only for the wolf to throw her out again.

In the climax, the wolf is dangling over a pan of hot coals, and just as Bugs is about to make him fall, Red comes in again. Fed up, Bugs switches her with the wolf. Now the two are pals. It looks like a beginning to a beautiful friendship.

Personal Rating: 4

Gorilla my Dreams

“I ain’t an ape, I’m a rabbit”

Sorry for lack of update. Went to Disneyland. (What? Looney Tunes fanboys can enjoy it too.)

Back in full swing now. (Pun intended.) We see Bugs in a barrel boat. How did he get here? Who knows, who cares, enjoy the cartoon already, you moron. The current is carrying him to the island of Bingzi Bangza which is home to ferocious apes. However, they seem to be good parents. One couple has no children to the dismay of the mother. (This being her and her husband’s first appearance.)

The father wants no kids, so she heads out to sob. But while she is crying, she finds Bugs. She adopts him (he only agrees to make her stop crying) and takes him home to meet his father. Deciding to do the “little” one in. He takes him out for a walk, where Bugs almost immediately catches on. A lovely chase scene (with Raymond Scott’s “Dinner music for a pack of hungry cannibals” is playing) climaxes with Bugs trapped against a cliff. He allows Gruesome to pound him but the big brute can’t. He’s too worn out from chasing him.

Personal Rating: 3

Bunny Hugged

“Its a living.”

At the championships of wrestling, we have in one corner: the Crusher! An athlete who is literally one, big muscle. In the other corner Ravishing Ronald (a take on real wrestler, Gorgeous George) and his mascot Bugs Bunny. Ronald is quickly turned into a punching bag and Bugs, worrying about his job, steps in to take on the champ himself as the masked terror. (I don’t care what you say. That is a cool mask and if I had one, I would wear it everyday.)

Unfortunately, Bugs is almost as bad as Ronald was. Looks like its time to cheat. He rips his mask to make the Crusher think he ripped his shorts. Bugs disguises himself as a tailor and gives the champ a poke in the butt. After getting slammed into a safe door, Bugs is able to pin the dazed crusher to the mat.

Personal Rating: 3

Devil-May Hare

“I don’t even know what a Tasmanian devil is”

While spring cleaning, Bugs finds himself in a stampede of animals. Wanting to know what is going on, he stops a turtle (with a shovel) and learns that THE Tasmanian devil is on the loose! (What exactly does that mean? Was he in a zoo?) Bugs looks it up in an encyclopedia and the creature corners him in his lair. To keep his hide alive, Bugs offers to help him find plenty of other food. Groundhogs, chicken, pigs, and deer.

While the devil is falling for Bug’s tricks, a real deer comes up. (where is his “I am not Bambi” sign?) Taz shows up and says that he is done being fooled and will not fall for another fake animal. To spare the creature, Bugs lies and says that the little deer is made of straw. Taz reasons that Bugs is not, and tries to eat him again. Bugs only choice is to call Tasmania for a Tasmanian-she devil. The two fall in love and get married. A happy ending!

Personal Rating: 3

Early to Bet

“So remember folks, the gambling bug will get you if you don’t watch out!”

This is one of those shorts that was a one shot. That did not make it any less hilarious, though. It opens with an nature documentary sort of thing. We are introduced to the Gambling Bug. (Hemipterus addictus.) An insect whose bite inflicts anyone with a need to gamble. Today, however, the bug thinks he needs a vacation, so he goes for a walk in the country. He witnesses a dog ask a cat to play cards with him, but the cat refuses. Perhaps it’s because every time the cat loses he must face a penalty?

The bug decides that this is a job for him, and gives the cat a bite. As to be expected, he loses and we see his penalties range from sneezing while being forced to chew bubble gum, to being forced to roll out a barrel of gunpowder. Finally the dog decides that the cat is too unlucky and if they play more, he’ll die. (Ruining the dogs fun). Feeling bad the bug plays the cat… only to promptly lose and have to face a penalty: being swatted.

Personal Rating: 3

The Foghorn Leghorn

“Still trying to prove you’re a chicken?”

Don’t I pick the most creatively titled cartoons to review?

It starts with Henery Hawk begging his dad to let him go chicken hunting with him. His dad says no because chickens are vicious monsters. This does not deter Henery in the slightest and secretly follows his pop. At the chicken farm Henery’s father gets beaten up by Foghorn. Having witnessed this Henery asks if that was a chicken. Not wanting to admit he was beaten by his prey, Dad identifies the rooster as “a loud mouthed schnook”

The dad goes away for the rest of the film and Henery tries to catch a chicken on his own. Finding a chickens “cave” (doghouse) he ventures in and easily nabs a “chicken.” Seeing this, Foghorn claims that he himself is a chicken while accidentally beating the farmyard Dawg. Henery does not believe and of course the dog calls a rooster a schnook as well. Eventually, after many failed attempts and many beatings of the dog. (Who thinks Foghorn is the one bothering him) he finally calls the chicken a chicken. Henery hears this and carries the rooster off. Now Foghorn identifies himself as a loud mouthed schnook.

Personal Rating: 3

Bugs and Thugs

“Jiggers! The cops!”

It’s rabbit season, but Bugs is a city dweller, so he’s in no danger. That all changes when a mysterious car stops at the bank Bugs is at. Mistaking it for a taxi, Bugs hops in and soon finds out its the getaway car of Rocky and Mugsy! (The latter of whom is making his first appearance.) Figuring out they are crooks, Bugs tries to call for help, but fails and now has to stall the crooks. When they get to the hideout, Rocky tells Mugsy to let Bugs have it. In the other room, Bugs asks to be given “it”, with “it” being the gun.

To survive, Bugs imitates the cops, causing the crooks to hide in the oven. Still pretending, (Even though he could now leave. Classic Bugs) he tells himself that if they were in the oven, he would not turn on the gas or throw in a lighted match. After his charade, the real police arrive causing the same dialogue we just heard. The crooks beg to be arrested, and Bugs goes back to the city as a detective.

Personal Rating: 4

Lady Play your Mandolin

“Hola!”

This is the first Merrie Melody and is one of my all time favorites, so lets get this party started.

We open on a bar with one of the catchiest songs ever played. (These old M.M.’s titles were just the name of the song that was played in the short.) All the customers are singing and drinking (beer) and having a great old time. After some music we find our character, Foxy. He is riding his horse to the party to have some fun. He arrives and plans to go in but his horse wants in on the action. Foxy ties his neck around a cactus (Imagine how horrible that would be!) and goes in.

He drinks and the entertainment begins. It is Roxy and Foxy asks her to (all together now) “Play her mandolin!” She complies and more music ensures. The horse is ticked at being left out and unties himself. He yells some thing and Foxy breaks some tequila over his head. His horse gets drunk and comes in. He drinks more and starts to hallucinate wildly. Pretty scary. He burns up and our characters finish their song.

Personal Rating: 4 (First cartoons aren’t supposed to be this good.)

Tortoise Wins by a Hare

“Here comes the toitle.”

In what may be the first Looney Tunes clip show, we see footage from Bugs’ first race against Cecil Turtle. As we all know, Cecil won, and Bugs is ticked. How did he do it? He goes to Cecil’s house in disguise and asks for the secret. Cecil tells him that his shell is streamlined and that rabbits are retards. Bugs is mad and runs off to make sure he’ll win the next race. Cecil of course knew who it was the whole time and speculates that another race is about to happen.

The day of the race arrives and the rabbits are betting everything on the rabbit, and they are sure to have some tricks. They begin and Bugs puts on a metal tortoise shell in hopes of raising his aerodynamics. However, Cecil is now wearing a rabbit suit and as mentioned before, rabbits are dumb. They clobber Bugs and carry Cecil to the finish. Bugs reveals who he is and the rabbits commit suicide.

Personal Rating: 4