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Double or Mutton

“Goodnight, Ralph.”

Directed by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Richard Thompson, Abe Levitow, Keith Darling and Ken Harris; Layouts and Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on July 13, 1955.

Well, time to get to work. Sheep aren’t going to watch themselves. You better be ready to pay handsomely to get someone excited about being a sheep watcher. Only people like me would do something like that for free. Sam clocks in. Ralph clocks in. Those sheep aren’t going to steal themselves. It would make a very lonely life for an animal that prefers to stay in a flock. And yes, the two main player’s finally have their definitive names.

With a blow of the whistle, Ralph starts digging. Pop up as needed to refill lungs and get a good view of the area. Probably best to do that behind trees so you won’t get spotted so easily. Ralph is spotted easily, and the next tree he looks behind is Sam. One punch down, infinite to go. And Ralph doesn’t have a company he could sue for his failings. (And if you still haven’t watched that movie yet, you’re failing me. Our friendship won’t last if you can’t do this only favor I’m asking.)

Better try the opposite of under the earth. Ralph flings a harpoon into a tree, ties its line to another, and makes a tightrope to cross. Now he can obtain an ovine with a lasso, and dart back across before Sam notices. Can not will, you understand.  Sam has taken over holding the right end for the tree, and demands the sheep. Ralph complies and sprints back to left, before Sam drops the line. He makes it to the harpoon, just before Sam drops that. Sheepdogs are faster than sound.

The next plan actually does function near perfectly! Ralph fires a rocket with a rope loop at Sam, and it takes him far away. Finally! It’s taken two other cartoons, but a mutton meal is on the way! I recommend the black sheep of this herd. Ironically, it’s the one with the white face! If only Ralph had accounted for trees that might have gotten Sam’s rocket lodged in. He never considered just walking the opposite way. Have you ever carried a ewe uphill?

Time for some acting. Dis guy’s disguise is Bo Peep. As part of his role, he’s lost his sheep, but Sam needn’t bother getting up. “She” can pick it out amongst the others and take it back to her cave. (Times are rough for those Peeps.) As “she” reveals she’s a wolf, “sheep” reveals he’s a dog. Meanwhile, a sheep is suffocating inside a dog suit. It’s baked mutton or nuttin’ for dinner! And later, Sam flips Ralph’s cannon back at him. Poor Ralph gets a color change for his muzzle.

You know, Sam’s a rather fuzzy guy. If his nose wasn’t so amazing, he’d be legally blind. All Ralph heard of that was “blind”. He pours some hair growth formula on Sam and the rain and sun do their part to work it in. After the storm, Sam’s face is even more covered than usual. And he doesn’t react to Ralph waving in front of his lack of line of sight. Or Ralph’s eyes changing color. It must be working! It’s taken about three cartoons, but a mutton meal is on the way!

And Sam grabs Ralph before he lays a paw on the livestock. But time comes to rescue, and the clock says the two are done for the day. Bidding each other goodnight, they head off for a haircut and massage, respectively.

Favorite Part: The smile on Ralph’s face when he realizes he dug behind Sam. It’s equal points horrified, clueless, and hilarious. Beautifully complimented by Sam’s wry little half grin.

Personal Rating: 4. And that’s all on Ralph here. His expressions and dances belie his carnivorous nature, and make him look like an overly confident kid.

 

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Crockett-doodle-doo

“So I’m not a smart hunter.”

He’s practically an education!

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Warren Batchelder, Tom Ray, George Grandpre, and Ted Bonnicksen; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Bob Singer; Effects Animation by Harry Love; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on June 25, 1960.

It’s a beautiful day! And you should take advantage of every one of those, since Earth’s stupid axis keeps weather from being pleasant 24/365.25. Foghorn decides to spend it out in the wilderness. As he goes on his way, he sees Egghead Jr. (making a final appearance) enjoying the day the way I would: face planted in a book. Back in these days, a good chunk of adults didn’t understand that it’s a perfectly healthy way to spend one’s childhood. Foghorn decides to help out.

He’s not a moment too soon, as those difficult books have done something to Egghead’s head. When he means yes, he shakes his head, and nods for a no. That’s Foggy’s assessment anyhow, and I’m not going to doubt anyone with a dead raccoon on their noggin. The kid’s coming along and he’ll learn everything there is to know about roughing it. I’d come along, but I failed killing a trout with my bare hands back in my school days. If M&M’s weren’t around, I’d have starved long ago.

First step is getting a fire going. Without matches because those don’t exist in the wild. I don’t know if Foggy is doing it wrong, but it looks like it could work. Just would take time and effort, like all best things in life. But brains mean we can do things faster, cheaper, and supposedly better! Jr. demonstrates by making a match out of a stick. Foghorn deems the stunt impossible, and tries it himself. The stick doesn’t ignite, but his plumes do.

Once you’ve got a fire, you might as well get something to cook over it. Foghorn carves himself a didgeridoo and calls it a duck call. It’s better than that, though. It’s a pig call! One or two toots and you’ll get an adorable, excitable porcine pal who is eager to give you a ride. I want it. I will have it. And true happiness will finally be mine. Finally, someone to share my M&M’s with!

Now what kind of wilderness activities would these be without a little casual stereotyping? Foghorn puts on his native garb to participate in a little smoke signalling. Could you really send more of a message than “I’m over here.”? The kid can. And this proves he can communicate. Another thing from these days: many adults thought if you didn’t talk, it was because you weren’t smart enough to. Rather than realizing we’re smart enough not to.

Foggy’s getting a little upset that he keeps being made the fool, so he’s going to trick the little smarty into thinking he’s done the impossible: doing a dance to start a storm. He’s got sheet metal and a watering can hidden in the trees, so when he pulls the ropes, he can make it till he fakes it. Jr. will never see those ropes. (There’s colored chunks of space around that can. I think the universe is unraveling faster than I intended. I mean… eh, I don’t care what you think of it.)

Guess what? Junior can do the same but better. He places some dry ice in a paper airplane, and sends it towards a low hanging cloud. Rain and lightning abound. Maybe this would actually work! If I’m ever dumb enough to take another airplane trip, I’ll be sure to throw some of that stuff out the window. We might as well move on to trapping now. Most eating-prey would only be answering our calls at this point.

Foghorn sets his trap, and sees Jr. making a much more elaborate one. He once told a different kid this kind of stuff doesn’t work, but doesn’t recall that it did work and he got eaten afterwards. Jr.’s is more fun though, and it flings Foghorn every which way and what way before getting him snared. If there’s a silver lining, it’s that Foghorn is now finally convinced to attain higher learning. And just think, if he works really hard, he could be a C.E.O. one day!

Favorite Part: Jr. makes an actual duck call that works. I knew it would. Made funny with the reveal that it attracted the young, hormonal, teen ducks. (Given how smart the kid is, I’m guessing he wanted this.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Coyote Vs Acme (First Thoughts)

“How hard can it be to catch a bird?”

Coyote goes a courtin’.

The wait has been agonizing. For years now, we’ve waited to be able to see this movie. Not even 100% sure we’d ever get to without underhanded means. But the fans and movie industry weren’t going to just ignore the problem this time. We made fusses. We made sure W.B. knew how angry and disappointed we were in them. We signed petitions. We made our voices heard since Wile E. didn’t have that luxury. We never gave up and we were rewarded in the end. It’s beautiful.

If you’re on this site, you’ve seen this film.  You know it’s great, but let me explain why just in case. I’ll spoil as little as I can, but you get the warning regardless.

I must admit, I was pleased with the attendance at my theater. Not sold out, but mostly full and not even entirely comprised of single, middle-aged, animation nerds. There were families and young couples! And that one annoying kid who wouldn’t stop loudly playing with his reclining seat. But I’m choosing to believe he was just having a hard time getting comfortable. Myself, I was there with my parents, brother and his wife. None of whom are fans of my caliber, but have enough interest to not just be there for courtesy’s sake.

The film wastes no time getting started. And does a good job of making you feel bad for Wile E. It’s never been hard, but you need to keep that sympathy for feature length. That’s a bit more tricky. Even better, the preexisting characters still feel like themselves in this. There wasn’t a moment where I was rolling my eyes and thinking “They wouldn’t do that. Come on!” Wile E. is the genius I’ve always known him to be, but also a toon. Doing a few actions that don’t serve him in any way, except being funny. Even Foghorn playing an antagonistic role. He felt believable! He’s never been the nicest guy, but when sorting the Tunes into “good and evil” categories, most would put him in good. Me included.

Branching off from the characters, they utilized a ton of them. And it was thrilling to see some who had still yet to make it to one of these films. I audibly said “YES!” when the Dodo appeared. Was not expecting Babbit and Catstello to show up. And was proud when by bro recognized Cool Cat! (Okay, so he just referred to him as “That tiger from the ’60’s.” A victory is a victory.) And they looked good! … For the most part! Okay, so I can’t say they looked perfect. Correction: I can’t say they ALL did.

My golden boys, Porky and Bugs, looked the best. Maybe because they were hand drawn? I don’t know why the others had to be c.g. Expenses, no doubt, but then why not do the same for all? I’m not complaining. They still looked nice enough! Right up until the film’s end. The budget running out by then? Why did that final crowd look so rough? I never wanted to see Hippety Hopper put down before, but it would have been a blessing! (I’m probably exaggerating.)

The live actors? Fine. I don’t know if I’m the best person to judge that. But I didn’t find anyone halfphoning or assing it in. The antagonists were my favorites. Delightfully hammy, but still believable for the world they were set in. Which also merits bringing up. This movie suggests that the characters were never actors. Wile E. has to introduce himself to everyone. Bugs isn’t immediately recognized by his voice alone. It’s not a big deal, but they do show the original shorts a few times. Maybe that’s just how Wile E. is remembering things? Then how does that explain the brief snippet of “Hare-way to the Stars“? Did Bugs really go into space?

The only other part I was raising my eyebrow at? There is a liar reveal in this picture. But it’s over and done so quick, that it made me question if it was really necessary. However, it did lead into the emotional low point of the film (as usual) and it looked like Wile E. had finally and truly quit. That’s when I heard that kid say “Don’t give up!” And my heart warmed. He had been invested after all! Even better, he saw the character as real as the human actor. So I have no way of proving that. I just figured that if you can get a reaction out of anybody, you’re doing something right.

What I was really worried about was the comedy. A lot of the later Looney works have been hit and miss in that department. My worries turned out to be as hilarious as the film. This was some great slapstick! Fast, punchy, crunchy, inventive and never distracting from the story at hand. Spoken jokes were also witty, and even Wile E.’s sign language got some good giggles. I was laughing out loud and I wasn’t the only one. (I was the only one who made sure to watch all the credits. The fam. doesn’t count because they were asking to leave.)

Oh yeah, this film had the heart too. It’s great to see Wile E. making friends. It’s sobering when you find out what Acme has been doing to toons. It’s beautiful when Granny is reunited with her lost husband. (Yeah, who’d have thought her and Peter Lorre would be together? Guess the “Pete” name doesn’t need to be used around here anymore.) And biggest of all: it’s beautiful to see what I’ve always figured for years: the Road Runner sees Wile E. as a friend. (Of course, now for the sake of argument, what if Wile E. caught him eventually? Could he really eat the guy?)

I’m eagerly awaiting my next viewing. I know I missed some cameos. (Several names are written down on files, but I only saw Rocky and Mugsy’s. Why are they the two characters I’m always able to notice?) It’s already risen to 2nd place on my Looney movies chart. And the highest praise I can give it? I’m certain that Chuck would have loved it too. Thank you Ketchup, for bringing us this opportunity. Thank you everyone who helped.

Favorite Part: Wile E.’s Rube Golberg finale. It’s fun to watch, you have no idea what it’s supposed to do on a first viewing, and the little extra bit of icing on the cherry on top? Wile E. waving his fingers like a conductor. He’s in his element, and since Acme had no part in it, it goes off without a hitch.

Personal Rating: 4

 

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The Jet Cage

“And a cwash helmet comes with it!”

Written and Directed by Friz Freleng; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy, Art Leonardi, Virgil Ross, Lee Halpern, and Bob Matz; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc, June Foray; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn*. A Looney Tune released on September 22, 1962.

*Sadly, the poor guy wouldn’t live to finish the work. If you’ve watched these shorts as much as I have, you can tell when Bill Lava takes over. If you need an answer without the effort, it’s around the 2:30 mark.

Tweety is depressed. What does every bird wish for most of all? Why, to be able to fly underwater like the penguins do. (Well, the penguins don’t wish that. They wish for a less squatty skeleton.) But barring that, having space to actually fly isn’t too shabby either. Granny has the right idea to keep him cooped up. There are dangers outside. Thufferin’ dangers. Stalwart dangers that never stop waiting for the rare moment the cage is opened. They’ve got the patience.

As always, modern science and consumerism has the answer! The title cage! It’s a birdcage capable of jet-propelled flight which means small birds can enjoy the joy of flight without any of the actual exercise. But fresh air! And maybe the occasional insect snack slipping through the bars! And the best part: the human doesn’t have to do squat. And at $12.95, they’re pratically giving them away. I’ll take seven!

One purchase later, and Tweety is finally able to fulfill his destiny. Now, in real life, this would be a bad idea. No canary could pilot it, and they would just end up slammed against the bars and dead. And that’s reason 9,093 why real life sucks and fiction is much better. Sometimes I wish I was one of those people who can’t differentiate between the two. Would make things more interesting, that’s for sure. I’d probably get more attention, too.

Back in the cartoon, Sylvester watches the flying cage. What’s more annoying than something you can’t break into? Just that, but now it’s flying out of reach. He needs some sort of device that can net flying things out of the air. Entomologists use them. A what do you call it… butterfly snatcher? Moth obtainer? Grabby parts? I’m calling them grabby parts. Whatever you choose to call it manages to capture the prey, but it’s fairly strong. Sylvester gets dragged into a pole.

Tweety needs instructions on what to do in fog, so he lands to learn. Really sounds like something the human should handle. I mean, would you let your birdcage out in a thunderstorm? Sylvester would. Cooked by lightning meat is a taste sensation only the most extreme and lucky gourmets will ever get to taste. (It tastes crunchy. Now you know.) Wait! Tweety’s out in the open! Get him! Get him! Get… in the cage. Yeah, sure. I just hope you know how to fly this thing, putty-tat, because you waited too long to attack, and now you’re up in the atmosphere.

Tweety might be aware. I mean, it’d be hard not to be. He opens the bomb bay doors to jettison the unwanted load. If he wasn’t aware, he was either just testing them, or cleaning out the old newspapers. Two can play at the bombing game, and many more besides! Sylvester decides to just do it with a Nike bomb. And if you think this was what started the idea for a 90’s movie that has split the fans forever, let me play wet blanket by reminding you of the Greek goddess of victory. She had wings.

It goes up, it goes down. Sylvester hides in a barrel, but it gets in just in time. He doesn’t notice until he’s already nailed himself inside for safety purposes. (Love the little detail of him straightening out a nail.) I think the simplest solution is going to be your best bet. Flying by yourself. You’re a feline, so we can call you a flion. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Flap some fans and gain some altitude. That cage isn’t really all that fast, so you’ll catch-up.

And he does. Tweety also employs the S.S. by pointing out that Sylvester has his paws full. How could he possibly grab him? Sylvester drops the fans. Sylvester drops. He’s lucky to get away with nothing worse than some broken bones. I think my spine would have snapped and my organs would have ruptured. That’s reason 9,094 why real life sucks. But Sylvester always has a plan. He’s going to join the U.S.A.F. May take a while, but he’ll be flying. (Still living) Birds beware!

Favorite Part: The timing with the rocket was great. Coming in right as Sylvester was popping out to grab the barrel lid. Chef’s kiss! (Well, maybe the single ones don’t.)

Personal Rating:3.

And with that, my waiting for “Coyote Vs Acme” is finally about to pay off! Oh, it’s been a grueling wait, but will it be worth it? Come next week, I’ll be sharing my first thoughts. But you should also go see it yourself regardless. Make this a success! I’m commanding you! I might even throw in a “please” next time if there’s ever a next time.

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Go Away Stowaway

“Looksth a little rough out there.”

It’s nice to have a mouse around the ship.

Directed by Alex Lovy; Story by Cal Howard; Animation by Volus Jones, Ted Bonnicksen, LaVerne Harding, and Ed Solomon; Layouts by David Hanan and Lin Larson; Backgrounds by Bob Abrams; Film Editor: Hal Geer; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by William Lava. A Merrie Melody released on September 30, 1967.

As things get started, Speedy makes sure the camera is rolling before performing. That’s acting 101. Although he’s singing instead. His tune annoys Daffy who is also living wherever the two are. Let’s just assume they share rent, and that’s why Daffy only tells him to can it instead of trying to off him like usual. Speedy figures Daffy could use a vacation, and that’s a good excuse for Speedy to do the same. But Daffy would never do something Speedy suggested. There must be a sneakier way.

Speedy sprinkles soap chips off the roof. From inside, it looks like it’s snowing outside. That’s just mean. Don’t ever trick anyone into thinking it’s the worst time of the year. And for those of you who think you like Winter, no. What you really like is being able to survive through it. There’s no shame in admitting it’s worse than awful. Especially around here. I’m tirading because I didn’t like this short and hope that we can talk about the weather instead. It’s reasonably warm where I am right now. How about you?

Daffy falls for the trick and packs for the south. (What are the shirts for?) Unknowingly gaining a hitchhiker in Speedy. Before he leaves, Daffy bitterly tells the mouse he can now make all the sound he desires while the trip is in progress. Speedy asks where they’re going from the luggage, but Daffy isn’t inviting him. Someone has to keep the bills paid. It makes sense and is less insulting than “Speedy’s just coming for the sake of the plot.” Don’t you want to believe things are flowing organically?

Also, Daffy opted to take a cruise and a cheapwad like him isn’t paying for two tickets. But no sooner is he settled than he finds Speedy guitaring on the same deck. This is an easy fix: just alert the captain about the stowaway/vermin problem. Speedy flees the scene but he needn’t worry too much. The budget doesn’t actually allow any other characters to appear on screen, so Daffy has to give chase. He chases up the rigging, but Speedy cuts the line and Daffy ends up in a smokestack.

He doesn’t react to that though. What hurts him is the steam whistle blowing on him as he exits. I don’t doubt that would hurt too, but after the stack? He lands on the shuffleboard court, and Speedy sends a puck into his beak. I think it grew in size, too. But Daffy could have shrunk. I’m sure he got dehydrated going into a smokestack. Continuing the chase, Speedy gets him in the water where the barely animated sharks live. Daffy survives and decides he might as well stay in his room. He’s learning!

Speedy is hungry, and wants Daffy’s food. He gets the duck to lose his appetite with the classic “phony ocean swaying in front of the porthole” bit. But look! No cheese! A cartoon mouse who isn’t having cheese at least play a supporting role in dinner! That tends to be rare, so I thought I’d bring it up. Because I’m still not enjoying this picture and the next joke was so awful, that I dropped it down a point in rating. It’s worse than worse than awful. Yeah. That bad.

Daffy decides to pretend the ship is sinking, so Speedy will abandon it. He rings the alarm bell, and Speedy runs in circles shrieking. And Daffy just believes him. That’s… wow. That’s pathetic! Daffy isn’t that dumb! He could be tricked into thinking it was real! Or Speedy could have insulted his ego! (“Sorry Señor Duck, but you are too fat to fit in thees life boat.”) Or he could see Speedy flirting with a hottie in a lifeboat! Or… or… *primal scream*! Was anybody having fun making the cartoons at this point in time?

After the simplified shark chases him back on board, Daffy decides to just get rid of Speedy. He plans to drop an anchor on him from the crows nest. Speedy will never notice the target painted on the ground. (I, however, will notice Speedy’s nose changing color with every step he takes. Do you think the inkers ever did that on purpose just to see if they could get away with it?) Speedy walks off before things connect, and the anchor punches a hole in the ship. Going down?

Well, the ship has sunk and every human on board went with it. I can prove this: Daffy is left floating in the water (Speedy on his belly) but that shark isn’t bothering with him now. There’s so much more meat a fathom or two down that isn’t struggling. As to why Daffy isn’t pushing Speedy into the water? Oh goody! The cartoon is over!

Favorite Part: Blegh! I haven’t such a hard time deciding since “Tokio Jokio“. I’m still not ever sure I’ve made the right decision, but I’m choosing that Speedy didn’t once consider parting with Daffy. Maybe he sees the duck as his only friend? I mean, he’s not usually trying to mess with Daffy. It’s the other way around.

Personal Rating: 1. I wish we could have seen these two characters team up in the 50’s. It would at least look more polished.

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Nothing but the Tooth

“I- I could getcha into cah-cartoons.”

 

(Johnny Smith and) Pork-ahuntas

Directed by Arthur Davis; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by J.C. Melendez, Don Williams, John Carey, and Basil Davidovich; Layouts by Don Smith; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on May 1, 1948.

1848 7/8. Sounds like the perfect year for a California gold rush! You want to work for a living? What are you, un-American? Porky’s taking a stab at it, which means all the cool person is doing it. And I do constantly worry about how the few people who acknowledge my existence view me. Let’s go west, pardners! Just as soon as I remember what kind of threats we’d likely face in this era.

Aw, yes. “Indians”. (Why did that term stick around so long? Just to keep the public from learning who was here first?) Porky has more balls than anyone who was born with three, so he defiantly (if a bit cautiously) enters their territory. And the arrows fly, destroying his wagons. They’re on their way and that means someone has to be the meat shield. If I volunteered, would Porky hug me or label me a kiss@$$? Either one is a win.

I laugh at Porky choosing his horse for the position. His tone suggests he was expecting the equine to applaud his idea, but the beast would rather the roles reverse. You’re running out of time, boys! Porky estimates a zillion of them, but in actuality, it’s one. (That was a very close answer, though. B+.) Or maybe it would be more polite to suggest it’s 1/2. It’s a nipper of a native that has his tomahawk  set on Porky’s scalp. We’ll call him Pee-Wee, simply because Porky does and I try to always do what he does.

P.W. has a simple request: lose the hat. You just can’t scalp a pig who’s wearing a hat. (If I knew anything about gifs, this is where I’d stick one of Homer Simpson saying “You can’t kill him if he’s wearing people clothes!”) Porky refuses and tells the runt to run along. Porky has got to save all his worrying energy for actual threats. But since P.W. is the only threat appearing in this picture, he’s going to show up plenty more.

Well, he’s got big feet, large ears, and and nose that would put an aardvark to shame, so he’s not going to get Porky the physical way. Since he’s not athletic or good looking, it’s a good thing he’s smart or he’d have no reason to exist. He hides in a stoplight, nabbing Porky’s hat when the pig stops. His lack of reaction time makes him miss. So he introduces Porky to his wife instead. She’s about twice his size and maybe five times as wide. Is there a toxic waste dump out here?

Per a friendly reminder, Porky takes his hat off when greeting a lady. Then slips a metal helmet on when P.W. takes another swing at him. If only there were any other prospector prospects out here. Then he might have a chance. So for his next plan, he sends Porky a gift. (The deliverer looks to be one of Maverick’s ancestors. It’s obviously not, but I don’t care.) Oh the possibilities it could contain. Each one requires Porky have a firearm  in hand. Let’s see what he got.

A feathered headdress! Is the little guy finally admitting Porky’s superiority and accepting his place as his b*tch? Or was he just using it as camouflage so he could get on Porky’s head? (Wait, that doesn’t count as a hat?) Porky flings him into a billboard. (‘Warren’ and ‘Foster’. I love it.) It’s like I’ve been telling ya, you can’t fool Porky’s brain. Try his heart. The little guy does, and he pulls out all the stops. That is a fine lookin’ lady! Even better is how Porky reacts.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard the guy be so horny! Look at him! Bedroom eyes, calling himself “Daddy”, going in for a kiss without consent. It’s out of character and hilarious! It’s a good thing she isn’t real or this could be a little disgusting. Still, it’s the closest Pee-Wee has gotten all day. And Porky is also big enough to admit this was his own mistake. He gets even by smacking the twerp’s tomahawk against a rock to get some good vibrations going, and hands it back to the owner. Shake it til you make it!… You’ll be shaking it forever.

He decides he’s just going to chase Porky across the country until the deed is done. If Porky wasn’t so merciful, he could just kill the pest. The next option is running. And paddling in a canoe after that. And after that? Going upstream with the salmon. And we don’t need any other steps because P.W. gets netted with the fish and sent to the canning factory. What does your wife see in you?

California at last! There’s gold and its mine. Porky sets to digging and Euweaka! Gold at wast! Specifically, Pee-Wee’s gold tooth. Would you look at that! Our title made some sense after all! This is why Davis ultimately lost his unit. You weren’t seeing shorts named “Emancipation Ducklamation“, “In a Pickle Wagon” or “Paint we got fun?” were you?

Favorite Part: It was horny Porky. He’s normally so well behaved around women.

Personal Rating: Poor aging leaves you stuck at three. Shame, as title aside, I would be tempted to give a four.

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Feud with a Dude

“Outta bed, you tadpoles!”

Directed by Alex Lovy; Story by Cal Howard; Animatin by Ted Bonnicksen, LaVerne Harding, Volus Jones, and Ed Solomon; Layouts by Bob Givens; Backgrounds by Bob Abrams; Film Editor: Hal Geer; Voice Characterization by Larry Storch; Musical Direction by William Lava. A Merrie Melody released on May 25, 1968.

Now the Hatfields and McCoys; they are feudin’ mountain boys and there’s only one thought rattling in their heads: Go and grab your gun and shoot, in the snoot or in the glute, doesn’t matter, just as long’s the other’s dead. At least they have the decency to greet each other. Only semi-politely because it’s harder to kill someone you’re friends with. And they got to kill each other real bad. Because politics. (You can always blame them.)

Age is no factor in this war. The elderly and infantile have both been shooting guns their entire respective lives. But there’s no need to say a lack of education led to this. These guys know their battlefield, and how to take advantage to gain the same. I like the guy who kicks ass, knowing it will kick harder and launch him to a higher vantage point. See, if it was me, I’d just be kissing it.

Flying above is Merlin. The magic mouse himself. He notes to Second Banana that the land below them is the Ozarks and that they are home to friendly hillbillies. Those are his words! I use the much more P.C. ‘hillwilliam’. And I guess that makes the bullets attacking your carpet, friendly fire? Down they go. Merlin has a parachute in his hat for situations like this, and they make it down safely. But will it stay safely?

It will not. Both leaders of the war want to know what side the mice are on. Since each mouse is facing a different man, both claim to be on the side of the one who’s asking. Usually a sound decision for keeping your blood inside you. But neither is buying it. Mice never take separate sides, so both get fired upon. Merlin, ever the peacemaker asks why the feudin’, boys. It’s recent enough that neither has forgotten: the Hatfield leader stole a hen, and the McCoy one took a pig. Revenge seemed like the next logical step.

Merlin has magic on his side and pulls both animals out of his hat, giving them back to their respective humans. (That is a good contender for cutest animated pig. Easily top ten. If it had a little birthday hat, it could make top three.) The men apologize to the other. They genuinely had no idea the mouse was the criminal mastermind. Oops. Can you do a disappearing trick? Those are the best because even if the crowd hates it, you won’t know.

The two are chased into a hen house. They claim to be chickens but Mister Hatfield can only believe that for so long. He says they’re are not chickens. And Merlin can live with that. But somebody has to be the chicken here, and since Merlin is a master hypnotist, it’s gonna the man. Now he scratches, pecks, cackles… come to think of it, I do all that too. But I didn’t need a hypnotist to get where I am today!

A swift kick in the rump is all that it takes to return him to normal. And that didn’t buy Merlin much time. Not that he’d get far anyway, there’s the rest of the recycled animated family to contend with. So he stuffs S.B. into his hat, (Which is probably how he found himself as Merlin’s assistant in the first place.) And bolts behind a fence. He conjures up  a rocket ship. The best that money can buy! And since this is the late sixties, that means the live-action variety.

The Hatfields and McCoys, they’re stumped feudin’ mountain boys. Not sure how Merlin got the goods he had. Cause they’re admitting to the stealin’. And once again (with feelin’), things are the back the way before and just as bad.

Favorite Part: During the chase, Merlin magics up a door that stands up on its own without any supports. Hatfield knocks on it and McCoy (who simply went past it) tells him to come in. It was stupid enough to be funny.

Personal Rating: 2. They should’ve used the hypnosis more. It’s a fun trope.

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Bosko’s Store

“Let’s make whoopy, Bosko.”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Bob McKimson. A Looney Tune released on August 13, 1932.

Bosko owns a store now. You see, soda fountains are a dying trade. So are brick and mortar stores, but I don’t want to think that, much less tell him. I think we’re catching him on opening day, too. Look at all the grime he’s washing off his windows! Either he bought an old building, or he allows patrons to smoke inside the building. If you think the cigs are too costly, all the second-hand smoke is free!

One customer calls to get some bologna. Bosko is the kind of guy who sells only the real artisanal stuff. None of that rectum cancer in a tube they sell in my local delis. He couldn’t afford a store and a deli slicer, so he uses an electric fan to slice the meat. It gives his establishment a distinct aroma of sheep intestines. You’re hungry now, I can tell. And now: for something the opposite of completely different! Probably that same dachshund who robbed Bosko before enters the store. And he’s hungry, I can tell!

He pops the slices into his gullet. You could think that the pile disappeared some since Bosko began, but I say he just moved on to the next tube. Nobody would just buy one sliced loaf. And I’ve got other goofs to mention. Repeat offenders don’t get a chance to pay their dues, so Bosko plans to make sausages out of this hound. In its haste to get away, it runs into the electric fan and is shredded back into its whole self. Pain amuses Bosko, so the dog can live if he isn’t going to suffer from heavy internal bleeding.

Well folks, you know what that means: Bosko will now do a dance. So excited is he, he jumps into place before the background aligns. He’s literally walking on air. Still, he’s got a job to do, so he grabs a duster for some dusting. Got to dust the magic eggs while you can. Once they’re off camera, there’s no guarantee they’re coming back. If you buy them, don’t put them in your trunk. And smash cut to Mickey clone #57. I was too dumb to realize he’s not in the store. I can only assume it’s somebody else’s home as that phone isn’t to his scale.

He’s placing an order, and I’m lying to your face. He was just crank calling Bosko. Probably still bitter about that dunking from the soda fountain. Mice deserve respect because between Disney and Pokémon, I’m pretty sure they already rule the world. And now it’s time to sweep the storefront. You can make a game out of it by using your broom as a dance partner. It’s a sad game, but that’s what I’d expect out of a great depression.

Here comes Honey and Wilber. And-… oh, crud biscuits! Only now am I realizing that he’s managed to reach the “5-appearance tier”. Never thought I’d have to do this again…

Wilber, but I will not.

Wilber is a cat. He’s a kid. He spends most of his time annoying Bosko and by extension, me. No idea who his parents are. I like to imagine that Julius from the “Alice Comedies” would have joined Oswald the Lucky Rabbit in loathing Mickey, but then got a good look at the mouse and started wondering how his arms would feel wrapped around his shoulders and wished the stork would give them a baby and that would win Mickey’s love. Wilber doesn’t give me much to discuss, so I made dumb stuff up instead.

So yeah, Honey and Wilber. One’s as lovable as always and one’s as “lovable” as always. I’m really starting to wonder about your relation to this kid, Hons. Is he your adoptive child? Nephew? Pet? Lunch? Or do you just rent him so Bosko can warm up to the idea of having children with you someday? It’s not going to work. While you two were frolicking to street piano music, Wilber helped himself to some of Bosko’s bananas. No intention of paying whatsoever. When confronted, he squirts some berry in Bosko’s eyes, and loses his tail for a half second.

The banana blast sends Bosko reeling around the room and ends with him stuck in a molasses spill. (Great sound effects here! Sounds sticky and soupy.) Wilber tries to climb to safety, but falls into a meat grinder. Rather than put him out of our misery, it just splits him up into more but mini of himself. Pull yourself together, if you please. I barely enjoy the one. Bosko frees himself by leaving his shoes behind, so Wilber runs some barbed wire against his crotch. Hope the brat was worth it, Honey. No children coming out of that talk-ink kid.

Favorite Part: When dancing with the broom, it tries to make sure Bosko doesn’t put his hands on “her” rear.

Personal Rating: 3.

And now for this trailer in case you’ve still yet to see it:

Using footage from his old pictures: nice. A human using toon standard white gloves to manipulate the world: mega awesome. And I know I spy Gossamar, but could that crowd also be containing Hubie, Hugo, Playboy and Nelly? Be still my Chuck loving fanboy soul! If they could get the Dot and the Line to also cameo, I think my heart, gallbladder and parathyroid might simultaneously stop!

(I kid. I had that last one removed a decade ago.)

 

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Bell Hoppy

“This calls for a special meetin’ of the brotherhood.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Charles McKimson, Herman Cohen, Rod Scribner, and Phil DeLara; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on April 17, 1954.

The club, I mean, the club that any cat would want to be a part of is the LOYAL ORdeR OF ALLey CATƧ MOUƧING and CHowDeR CLuB. You will die and go to flavor heaven upon tasting their bunting bisque. But you won’t ever get that chance because they’re very particular about inducting new members. Sylvester has been denied and since you’re not better than him, you’ll have to settle for the club next door. “The not worthies.”

This isn’t the first denied application Sylvester has gotten. And constant rejections are starting to affect his speaking. He sounds as wistfully longing as a teen girl hoping that Bradley will ask her to the prom. Those cats are just the swellest swells that ever swelled. They hunt and eat. Maybe grab some tail on weekends. Hey, wait a minute. Are female felines banned? Are mountain lions banned? I’m guessing the one I’m petting right now says otherwise.

Meanwhile at Acme Rare Animal Importing Co., (So many kinds of illegal. Maybe just one, actually.) a man from the zoo has come to collect a baby kangaroo. The joey escapes and nobody sounds like they’re trying very hard to contain him. Sure, he’s cute now, but he’ll do you one. Maybe two, actually. And if he grows, then you’ll really be screwed. Show me a human who can stand up to a full grown boomer and I’ll scrape them off the ground.

The leader of the club that isn’t made for you or me finds the little guy whilst hunting for mice. This is just great, because this is definitely a giant mouse in front of him, and that would make an excellent banquet. And plenty left over to make into a kangaroux. (They’ll still call it ‘mouse’ though.) Turns out, he’s not any better at catching Hippety than Sylvester is, and is flung into the garbage. He needs minions, and it just so happens that he doesn’t lack lackeys.

His plan goes like this: stick a bell on the creature to hear it approach, then the whole lot of them can attack at once. Not a bad idea in all honesty. But while his subordinates will believe his crazy story without question, not one of them has the balls to put the bell on the beast. Well, welcome to your lucky day, because Sylvester is returning to ask again for admittance. Opinions tend to change on an hourly basis. The poo bah has gotten an idea!

Yeah, Sylvester can join. Just has to pass the initiation. Find a mouse big enough to put a bell around the neck of. I hope you’re willing to pay up should he succeed, since if he doesn’t you still don’t have any other willing participants. Sylvester will do anything to join, and that includes stuff that sounds implausible. But he finds Hippety and sees a membership in his future. Maybe he’ll get a hat too!

Hippety doesn’t want to be belled. Or, he doesn’t understand what Sylvester is doing, but finds the bell fun to dodge. Beating up cats is also fun, and Sylvester is flung away, with the bell ending up around his own neck. The club jumps him and gives him such a thrashing. You’d think they’d be glad to make this mistake, but they seem upset. It’s hard to enjoy anything you like doing when you’re hungry. Hence why I always post after I eat dinner.

Sylvester hides in a cart to surprise the “mouse”, but the target just bumps it and it rolls away. Clanging because it too, has bells on it. Sylvester is pummeled again. He tries trapping Hippety in a junkyard, but the little guy just bounces him off a plank placed like a see-saw. See? Yeah, he saw. In fact, Sylvester drops down to do the same in reverse. Turns out a baby kangaroo weighs more than your average alley feline, and Sylvester is flung near a streetlight. Hey, it sounds similar to the be-

He may not always use it to its fullest, but Sylvester does have a brain buried in that head of his. And it’s time to put it to work. He sets up a mirror in front of a missing fence post, where Hippety will see it. He does. He doesn’t stop, but it’s all part of the plan. Now that he’s seen his reflection, he won’t immediately flee or fight when Sylvester take the role of reflection at the next missing post. Hippety does notice things have changed. Or maybe he’s changed. Something has changed, and he stops to examine things.

Sylvester does an excellent job matching movements. I think Hippety is convinced that this is just how things are going to look from now on. When Sylvester puts the bell around his own neck, Hippety grabs it for himself seeing as how he’s the original. Sylvester has succeeded. I can’t believe I’m getting to type such a sentence, but here we are. Really puts the cat in cathartic. And the cat in Hippety. His pupils have gone vertical, so the change has already begun. Better hurry before you club members unknowingly commit cannibalism.

Hippety follows Sylvester and just so happens to run across the guy from the zoo. He knew waiting around for the problem to solve itself was the American way. Besides, now PETA can’t claim that the animal didn’t want to be in captivity. Hippety is having fun with the bell and rings it loud for all to hear. Like all the members of the club, perhaps? They jump in the line of a speeding vehicle. The club is no more?

Nah. Sylvester did technically succeed in his test, so he’s in. What’s more, they need him to keep the club alive. Their little mishap has landed them all in multiple casts. Hurtin’ but humbled. And unable to object to Sylvester naming himself as the new leader. I can’t believe how well things worked out for everyone! (And that’s coming from someone who used to believe ‘X’ was the sixth vowel.)

Favorite Part: You can blink and miss it, but I’d rather you didn’t. It’s the look on the club’s faces as their 45 lives pass before their eyes. Good think chowder can be slurped with a broken jaw.

Personal Rating: 3

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Foxy by Proxy

“I’ve seen better heads on a glass of root beer.”

 

A rabbit as a fox in a fix.

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Virgil Ross, Arthur Davis, Manuel Perez, and Ken Champin; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on February 23, 1952.

After swearing you’re having deja-vu, you’ll be having deja-vu. The opening scene has just been swiped from another cartoon. You’ll swear you’re having deja-vu! It’s made even worse by the rear being brought up by a pudgy hound. We might as well call him Lenny because if we’re going to rip off Tex’s stuff, he’d want us to do as much as we can.

Explanation:

That’s taking the ‘L’.

We do have a fun visual with the dogs being a canine tsunami. Their surging brings them to Bugs’s place, and he is nearly stampeded. Bugs doesn’t think too fondly of fox hunting. You’d think he’d be all for humans decreasing the numbers of one of his predators, but Bugs is top of the food chain. Lenny; slow of mind, slow of foot, asks Bugs where they went. Surprisingly, Bugs gives genuine directions. Lenny just shoves him aside. Fox caudectomy is the peak of entertainment!

Bugs decides to have some fun with his fur-suit old Halloween costume. But I think it’s just a boneless fox that Bugs deboned himself. Watch the eyes. They change. He gets the hounds on his trail, before ducking behind a tree. What fun! Lenny; slow of mind, slow of foot, (you’ll swear you’re having deja-vu.) comes up to ask where the dogs went. And I mean slow of mind. You see, Bugs’s hat is on backwards, facing the dog. When Bugs turns his actual head around, thus turning the hat around too, Lenny asks where the guy he was talking to went.

Bugs humors him and lets Lenny ask who he’s comfortable talking to. He sends the lug off, knowing he’s going to catch on soon. He does and one-eighties. Paydirt! By which I mean fox tracks! By which I mean, I’m a better tracker than he is because I can tell you those aren’t fox tracks. I don’t mean they’re just stamps Bugs left for him, I mean they don’t resemble the tracks of Vulpes vulpes. I demand it be accurate for your sake. I don’t want you to embarrass yourself by stating foxes have two toes on each foot in public.

I won’t deny the next tracks he identifies: train. But screw that! The fox is right there by the entrance to a tunnel. Knowing the dog’s limited I.Q., Bugs asks if he could even identify a fox. It is rather tricky. Sometimes they’re pilots, sometimes they wear socks, and sometimes they’re on fire. But this is what Lenny was bred for. He knows what a fox looks like, and Bugs looks like what a fox looks like. Looks like he’s a fox!

But wait just a minute! Objection, if you will. This dog was following train tracks. Ergo, isn’t he looking for a train? There’s one just inside this tunnel. That is flawless logic. Flogic. Lenny darts in and gets his prize. You know, it’s beautiful to see someone’s reason for existing come to fruition. Of course, now he has to find a new one or be put down. I like watching smiles slide off faces. There’s now only one matter of unfinished business: all the other dogs.

They’re a bit more disciplined and will need some doing to lose. Bugs goes through streams, through trees, through and through and winds up right in front of the angry hounds. Well, might as well come clean. He reveals himself to be a rabbit. The dogs decide they’re chasing rabbits. Don’t you hate it when cartoons suddenly have realistic outcomes? Bugs has to utilize the “luring chasers into a log and angling it off a cliff” bit. Always works. I hope the dogs are okay. I hope your dog is doing okay too.

Bugs confidently states that while the dogs could get a fox’s tail, they’d never get a rabbit’s. That’s your cue Lenny! Before Bugs can react, Lenny runs home the sole victor in today’s game. The humans disappeared long ago though, so I don’t know who’s going to reward him. Bugs decides to take things in stride. After all, Lenny only got the hair of a hare. Add shaved-tail Bugs to the list of cursed images, please.

Favorite Part: Just those dog masses. Look at them! They’re just dogs being dogs. Happy to have air in their lungs, not afraid of being seen as goofy, enjoying life. It’s make me glad that at least one species can.

Personal Rating: 3.