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Bugs Bunny’s Looney Christmas Tales

“Merry Christmas to all!”

Looks like Daffy DID find a way out of his mess before Christmas.

Executive Producer: Hal Geer; Bugs Bunny sequences Produced and Directed by Friz Freleng; Road Runner sequence Produced and Directed by Chuck Jones; Written by Friz Freleng, Chuck Jones, John Dunn, and Tony Benedict; Sequence Directors: Tony Benedict, Bill Perez, David Detiege, and Art Vitello; Voices by Mel Blanc and June Foray; Music by Doug Goodwin. Released in 1979.

Happy Holidays! Here’s a Christmas special that stars all your favorites! (Except Daffy.) It starts with Bugs having some problems with his carolers. Besides Ehlmuh’s obvious speech pwobwems, we h-have P-P-P-Porky s-st-st-s-st- having problems spitting out the words, Fog-ah say, Foghorn getting off the beat. Music that is! Et Pepe chante “Alouette” à la place. The only one who wouldn’t have a problem is Sam, but for whatever reason, he declines to ‘fa-la-la’. (Why though? We clearly saw him singing a few seconds ago.) Well, they make up for it with heart. We’ve got three new shorts made specifically for this program to enjoy.

“Bugs Bunny’s Christmas Carol”

Not as good as “Bah, Humduck!” in my opinion, but enjoyable nonetheless.

Scrooge is played by Sam with Porky as Bob Cratchit. Bugs is playing Fred. Kind of. He comes in to the establishment and annoys Sam with mistletoe. He also gives Porky some much needed coal to warm himself with. But Sam’s cat, Sylvester sees the pig warming himself, (Although it looks like Porky is smacking his butt at the cat.) and alerts his master. Sam angrily takes it back. Bugs next comes in with Elmer, Foghorn, and Pepe to sing but Sam has reached his breaking point. He throws them all out and fires Porky. (Don’t make me leave Red Hot Ryder‘s head in your bed, Sam.)

Grateful for Bug’s efforts regardless, Porky invites him to dinner. Porky naturally has a family of his own. (A stud like him? It was easy!) His wife is Petunia of course. (You know, according to Walt, Mickey and Minnie are married. I’m going to say that Porky and Petunia are too. It’s canon now.) They have three children. (‘Atta boy, Porky!) One I’m going to guess is played by his nephew, Cicero, from the comics, the girl is most likely Priscilla, debuting here, and the last is Tiny Tim. Played by Tweety. Apparently, he’s so small because he is only fed birdseed. (Porky!) But Sam’s evil deeds are not over, as he forecloses the mortgage on Porky’s house. Since I’m not born yet to let Porky’s family move in with me, it’s up to Bugs to save the day.

He tries the kind way first with more carols, but Sam chases them away. Well, that was the diplomatic approach, guess there’s no other choice but the hard way. Now that he’s awake, Sam tries to relax with a hot bath. Not wanting him to burn himself, Bugs thoughtfully fills the bath up with snow. Later, Bugs dresses as a ghost to scare Sam. (Seeing as how he probably never had a partner, he doesn’t pretend to be anyone Sam knew.) While searching for the source of the noise, Sam trips over Sylvester and they both end up outside.

Returning back to his warm bed, Sam agrees to let Sylvester stay with him. That’s sweet. But Sylvester and his color-changing nose beat it when Bugs appears before them. He tells Sam that he is taking him to see the man in the red suit. Although it’s not Santa as Sam hopes, that guess was only one letter off. Fearing for his soul, (although I do wonder what would have happened if Sam called Bug’s bluff,) he dresses as Santa and gives money to everyone he sees. He even makes Porky his partner! A Christmas feast is enjoyed by all! (Sam still doesn’t like kisses though.)

After the commercial break, Bugs compliments Sam on his acting. Sam admits that his acting was just that, and starts demanding his stuff back. Meanwhile, the feast is being watched by two sets of hungry eyes. Them belonging to Wile E. and the Road Runner. Seeing as they’re not invited, Wile E. chases the bird into our next short.

“Freeze Frame”

Wile E. is reading a fascinating book: “Everything you’ve wanted to know about roadrunners but were afraid to ask” (That’s on my Christmas list.) Turns out, being a desert animal, the Roadrunner (Semper Food-Ellus) can’t function in cold climates. So Wile E. (Grotesques Appetitus) orders a machine that can make snow. It only lands on the coyote, so he just switches some signs around. Even though the short “Beep, Beep” said that roadrunners can’t read, the bird follows the sign pointing to the desert and ends up on top of a mountain.

He really is out of his element, and ends up stranded on some ice. Wile E. skates over, but ends up sawing a hole around the bird. Seeing as this a cartoon, everything surrounding the cut part sinks, and the bird surfs back to shore. He next orders some sled dogs to help him chase down his prey. The poor things are kept in a crate with no air holes! So naturally, they’re a little cranky. (That, and it appears that they love Coyote meat.) Riding a rocking horse with a lasso only gets himself tied up and landing on some train tracks, and trying to crush the bird with a snowball had him get caught in it and soaring off a cliff. He wishes us a Merry Christmas before the short ends.

Back with Bugs he has his carolers hold a note. It’s then that his nephew, Clyde, reminds him of his promise to tell him a story. Clyde really was a character in a couple of shorts. But there he was voiced by Blanc, and here I think he is voiced by Ms. Foray, seeing as he sounds a lot like Rocket J. Squirrel. Seeing that his carolers are gasping for breath from the note sustaining, Bugs dismisses them and decides now is a great time to go tell said story.

“Fright before Christmas”

Up at the North Pole, Santa is waiting for his suit to finish drying. (Since it is air-drying, I think he’s not going to be too happy to wear it.) Meanwhile some pilots are flying their cargo over the North Pole. Contents: One Tasmanian Devil. (Aside from the plot, for what reason are they flying this animal over the Pole? Where is he being delivered to?) He breaks free and jumps out of the plane. (Don’t worry, he grabbed a parachute.) He lands in Santa’s suit and gets launched into his sleigh. Scared, the deer try to run off taking Taz along for the ride.

Meanwhile in an actual house, (I guess it belongs to Clyde’s parents. Or Bugs just prefers a roof over his head in Winter.) Bugs is reading Clyde “The Night Before Christmas” Everything seems to be just like in the poem. Except there is a mouse stirring: Speedy with his cocoa. When they hear “Santa” up on the roof, Bugs sends his nephew to bed. Taz comes down the chimney, and Bugs offers him plenty of food. By sheer coincidence, he has deviled ham, deviled eggs, and devils food cake! Not really. He just has milk and cookies. Taz takes them anyway, and begins to eat just about everything else in the house, while Bugs reads him Clyde’s outrageous Christmas list. Which among other things, demands a solid gold football, and a little brother. You’d think as a rabbit, he’d already have both. (Aren’t rabbits well known to be associated with their young and karats?)

Seeing as “Santa” is still hungry, Bugs offers to make him some popcorn. Impatient as he is, Taz eats it before its popped. Probably shouldn’t have done so in front of a roaring fireplace. He then makes to open a gift that is clearly not for him. Bugs sets up a holiday gift exchange and offers him to trade for a much bigger gift. He unwraps it outside at Bug’s suggestion and finds just what he wanted: more food. Well, it’s really a self inflating raft, but Taz has a strong imagination. He floats away and Clyde, (who I guess was secretly witnessing the whole thing) bemoans the fact that “Santa” left without giving him anything. (I hate when kids act that way. From now on, he only gets birdseed to eat.) Bugs and him then decide to return his sleigh. Not only is it the right thing to do, Santa just might let Clyde get first pick at the presents.

We end with Bugs and his carolers (Foghorn’s head is white for some reason) getting a sleigh ride from Taz. It’s kinda weird seeing him being used by Friz, but poor Bob had been dead by two years at this point, so he couldn’t really help out. It’s a nice gesture but it still ends with Taz eating the sleigh. (My favorite part is how they didn’t notice it happening.)

Personal Rating: 3

Merry Christmas from your own, Dr. Foolio! I’ll be checking in one more time before the year ends! Enjoy those holidays!

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The Bashful Buzzard

“Just watch me folks!”

Why don’t he do this more often?

Directed by Robert Clampett; Story by Michael Sasanoff; Animation by Robert McKimson; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. Released in 1945.

Finally get to talk about Beaky again! I love this guy! (No! Really?) But the poor bird only had four appearances in his theatrical career, so I can’t give him his own entry. (And yet, he was pretty popular in merchandise at the time.) At first, he was just called “The Snerd Bird” due to his resemblance to Mortimer Snerd. And he wasn’t voiced by Mel. (At first) His original voice voice actor was a talented young man named Kent Rogers. He was a semi-regular in these shorts. Being the original voice of Henrey Hawk and Junyer Bear, and voicing caricatures of Hollywood’s finest in “Hollywood Steps Out” (And he was only 14 at the time!) He died during some training for World War II. Friggin’ Hitler! This is all his fault! Along with “Fantasia” not getting a European release! I wouldn’t be born for decades and he still ruined my life!

This short starts very similar to Beaky’s first appearance in “Bugs Bunny Gets The Boid.” Mama buzzard even telling her boys to bring back the same things she did then. Perhaps aware that this has been done before, everyone’s lines are more exaggerated. Beaky really doesn’t want to go, but is kicked out anyway. His brothers target a farm and each grab some poultry. (By the necks even! They’re not kidding around.) Beaky tries to do the same, but crashes into a weather vane. His mom rescues him, sarcastically comparing him to his father. (Am I the only one who’s curious about him?)

She points out his brothers are now each carrying home a sheep. Wanting to make his mom proud, Beaky tries the same, but just pulls the wool off. The sheep beats him for that. The brothers have moved on to even bigger game by this time. Including: a cow complete with a farmer milking her, (the farmer avoids being part of their dinner, but still plummets to his doom) a dog who really doesn’t want to die, (he desperately clings to a fire hydrant) a freakin’ horse drawn carriage complete with driver and romantic couple, (at least they’re going to die happily) and even a parade of circus elephants! (Including a cute little baby one at the end who informs Disney’s lawyers that he’s NOT Dumbo.) Mama happily shoves all the meat into the pot. Seeing as Beaky hasn’t come home yet, she figures he must be bringing home something fantastic!

Well, he caught a bumblebee. (A baby one yes, but still…) The mother comes to her young’s rescue and stings Beaky.  While he soothes his aching tail feathers, a creature laughs at him. Seeing that he is taller than the thing that is most definitely a caterpillar or turtle, he begins pummeling and insulting the creature. Even nearly swearing, calling him a piece of shhhhhhoe leather. (I didn’t know the term even existed in the 40’s.) Unfortunately, Shorty (as Beaky calls him) is actually the head of a dragon. A. Dragon. And it’s not too happy about Beaky trying to carry it off. It roars, but Beaky tells it to stop scaring Shorty. He realizes it IS Shorty and is chased into a cloud where he is presumably thrashed.

Later that night, Mama laments the fact her son is gone. (Isn’t that sweet? As hard as she may be on him, it’s because she loves him and just wants him to be strong.) Every parent’s worst nightmare is over when Beaky shows up. Perfectly healthy, but a little roughed up. And empty handed. (No really. Look at his wings. There’s nothing there.) Happy as she is, she still scolds him for not bringing home any meat. (It’s the only way he’ll learn.) It’s a shame that the short ends here. I want to see her face when she see’s the DRAGON that her son is now currently holding. And that is why I’ll never forget Beaky. He took on a dragon and won. He’s going to get all the b*tches.

Personal Rating: 3, but if the beginning wasn’t an obvious repeat, I might have opted for a 4.

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Prehistoric Porky

“♫ A-hunting I will g-go! ♫”

Mama, baby, dad!

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by John Carey; Story by Melvin Miller; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1940.

This short takes place in the year One billion, trillion B.C. Or if your mind isn’t able to picture such a ways back: it was a long time ago. It was a rough time. Strange monstrous animals roamed the earth, and according to a Jerry Colonna vulture, it was when men wanted big chests, babies were born with lots more hair, and women felt they only needed fig leaves to be dressed. They truly were wonderful days.

Living in cave number 123 1/2, is my pig, Porky. He starts his morning the way any caring pet owner does, by giving his animal companion, Rover, a bone. Rover is some sort of hippopotasaurus. A sauropod whose head is the only part that can fit in his house. The rest of his body has no choice but to brave the elements. But he is happy enough. He wags his tail so much, that nesting mothers in trees are forced to flee and some dinosaurs lose all of their armor plating. One raptor (avian in this case) angrily takes it as this apparently happens every day.

Next, Porky goes to get his mail. He rips the bills in half (Atta boy! Stick it to the ᶜᵃᵛᵉman!) and goes for his new issue of “Expire” magazine. (Which not only advertises Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies, but has some familiar looking names on the front, like Cob Blampett, Farren Woster, and Mubby Tillar.) Seems like the new styles are here, and Porky’s suit will just not do. Club in hand, he heads off into the wilderness to do some prehistoric clothes shopping. He knows no fear. Kicking a roaring therapod in the shin and breaking up a group of loitering nasties. He finds an adorable little kitten and does what I’m pretty sure everyone does when they see one: plans to kill it. Look at how sexy he looks! Don’t tell me you wouldn’t pose the same! Either way, the cub gets the drop on him with its own club and escapes.

Meanwhile, a saber-toothed feline of some sort is on the prowl. I’m not entirely sure what it is. Porky calls it a tiger but it has no stripes. It can’t be a species of smilodon because that tail is too long. I guess its a new species! Clampett may have discovered it, but he didn’t identify it, so it is now the Saber-toothed leopard. (Panthera clampettitus.) Seeing as it is close enough to dinner time, he tries to have some cave bacon. Porky is not scared and takes a swing. The predator is too hard headed though and chews his club into clothespins. He chases and soon corners the cave pig.

Porky apologizes saying he never meant any harm, he just wanted a new suit. (Best excuse ever. It’s kept me out of prison.) The feline says that Porky should have just said so. He can get one for him wholesale!

Personal Rating: 3, unless you’re a Porky fanboy. (Like me. Then it’s a 4.)

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Patient Porky

“Ohhh, my poor b-be-b-be-b-be- tummy!””

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Norman McCabe; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1940.

This short is based on the book “The Pains Came.”

At a hospital, we see that the floors are organized by the alphabet, leading me to believe there are 26 floors. We get some hospital gags including a paging for “Sir Jury” and a list of the days births. Not all surprisingly, the rabbits are winning with a total of 490. Proto-Bugs makes a cameo to correct the number to 750. What’s interesting is this came out after Bugs made his fully fleshed out debut in “A Wild Hare.” (But then, I’m sure both were being worked on at roughly the same time.)

One ward is under the care of Dr. Chris Chun. (No relation to the amazingly charismatic Dr. Foolio.) He checks on his patients. Poor little Olley Owl has to shout that he can’t talk above a whisper, whilst another patient gets some good news: his bones are literally knitting. Herbie the hippo is in because he swallowed a piano. Cartoon or not, why would he do that? Is this a mental ward? That would explain Crazy Cat in the next bed. (Note: Crazy with a “C”, I don’t need to be sued.) He delights in playing said piano and annoying Herbie. It can’t be good for his digestive system either.

Porky enters the scene asking for a doctor. Chun must be on lunch or something because that mentally unstable cat leaps at the chance. Introducing himself as Dr. Chilled Air, he asks the pig what’s wrong. Seems Porky ate too much at a birthday party: 3/4 of a cake with the candles still lit! (Cool!) Making like a horror film, the cat puts him in a hospital gown and happily sings about his first patient. He wheels my pal into surgery and gleefully sharpens some knives. Porky is getting rightfully freaked out, especially when the phony physician starts aiming to saw him open without any anesthesia. Making a break for it, Porky runs for home.

Unfortunately, Crazy McCutlery, is right behind. But Porky has a plan. When the maniac corners him in his bed he finds a sign on Porky’s gut: “Do not open until Christmas.” This doesn’t hold him for long though, as he hops in bed with him intending to wait. (I swear cat, if anything bad happens to my buddy, I will submit you to horrors so psychologically scarring, that you will turn sane with fear! Oh wait. This short is over seventy years old and Porky is still alive. My mistake.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Hare Ribbin’

“Mama, Baby, Dad!”

You naughty bow-wow!

Directed by Robert Clampett; Story by Lou Lilly; Animation by Robert McKimson; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1944.

Besides the titular hare, this short stars a dog who looks like Willoughby with a haircut. He’s Russian because it’s a reference to a character on the “Eddie Cantor” radio program. While sniffing around for a rabbit, he rather abruptly runs into Bugs. Bugs claims to have not seen any rabbits, but this dog isn’t as dumb as Red Hot Ryder and gives chase shortly thereafter. He chases Bugs into a lake. And I’m not kidding, the rest of the short takes place underwater. I guess a friend of Clampett’s really had a fetish for characters being underwater and Clampett was too good of a friend to suggest he go get help.

Of course, being underwater makes for a perfect excuse to have Bugs dress up as a mermaid. So maybe that’s the whole reason it’s underwater. I don’t really care though. This is Clampett! I’ve accepted stranger things than this from him. The dog, who shall be called Vladimir,  (It’s my blog and I’ll be as uncreative as I want!) falls for the get up and hits on “her.” Agreeing to play games, they start up a round of tag. Bugs uses his tail-fin to slap the dog around. He removes his disguise, which wasn’t the best time since Vladimir immediately catches on and declares he is having a rabbit sandwich for dinner.

Happy to oblige, Bugs plays waiter. Unfortunately, they’re out of rabbit. (No rabbit in a lake? I’m shocked.) Masquerading as Fudd he tells the dog he’s going to get him a wabbit. Vladimir once more catches on sooner than most would against Bugs. He demands his sandwich and Bugs crawls between the (I guess waterproof) bread and lettuce. But he lets us know that he will be scrunched up. Vladimir doesn’t know this, takes a big chomp and feels guilty for killing Bugs. He cries and wishes for himself to be dead.

There’s two ways this scene plays out: Bugs gives the dog a gun and he shoots himself, and the director’s cut where Bugs shoots the dog himself. (I don’t like that. It seems too out of character for Bugs.) With the danger gone, Bugs leaves. Vladimir stops the iris out to deliver one more line before he goes: “This shouldn’t even happen to a dog!” (The same line would be spoken by another animated dog in his first appearance: “Courage the cowardly dog.” And he got a whole series! Poor Vladimir only got a cameo in “Back in Action” after this.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Farm Frolics

“♪There’s no place like home!♪”

Supervision by Robert Clampett. Released in 1941.

A beautiful farm is drawn in by a realistic hand. (That windmill doesn’t look finished, you fraud!) It’s time for some farm jokes! A horse has been trained very well. He trots when you say trot. He gallops when you say gallop. When you say canter, he imitates Eddie Cantor. (We’re still working on that one) The farmer’s dog may be old, but he is still dependable. He still fetches the paper every morning. (Gotta get his Dick Tracy fix) And we also see some piglets watching a clock. If you’re visiting this place for the first time, you should know that pigs are my favorite animal ever, and piglets are the cutest cutes that ever dared to cute. They’re the origin point of the word. It is odd that they choose to watch a clock, but I’m not going to spoil their fun.

A mother hen leaves her eggs. Not smart. They are being watched by a hungry weasel. He sneaks up to feast, when the chicks hatch and nearly give him a heart attack. In the nearby forest, there are lots more animals to have fun with. (You didn’t think we’d stay on the farm for all of our frolics did you?) There we see a field mouse with abnormally large ears, who keeps hearing things. Believe it or not, he has a name. His name is Rosebud. And even though he only appeared in one other short besides this one, we got some merchandise of him.

Let sleeping statues lie.

Even though they are small, even ants care for their young by calling them home. For the sake of not boring you, I will refrain from pointing out all the misleading ant facts that are shown here. Except for the ant butt crack. (What is up with that?) As we head back to the farm, we see the pigs still at the clock. They refuse to go play. I guess that clock is more entertaining than we will ever know.

A more bizarre sight is that of a cat and a mouse in a loving embrace. Apparently the cat loves that mouse and takes good care of him. This doesn’t stop the mouse from begging for help and trying to escape. The cat catches him and happily goes back to sleep. Before the day is over though, we stop by the piglets one more time. Seems they were watching the clock to know when it was their favorite time of day: Dinnertime. They happily run home to their mother’s teat and began suckling. (“Every day it’s the same thing.”)

Personal Rating: 3

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Crazy Cruise

“Monotonous, isn’t it?”

Supervision uncredited; begun by Fred Avery, completed by Robert Clampett; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Rod Scribner. Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1942.

You know, Clampett is still my favorite director, but I find more and more lately that I wish Avery never was fired. It would have been great if he had stayed on the Warner’s team the whole time. Who knows? Maybe he would have gone on to still create Droopy, Screwy Squirrel, and Red?

This short contains a bunch of spot gags that Avery had a real talent at. We see a tobacco plantation and take a peek at an animal that does untold amounts of damage to the plants: the tobacco bug. (Which looks more like a species of worm to me.) It talks like an auctioneer and spits. Our cruise then heads to Havana and Sloppy Joe’s bar for some refreshments. After getting “tanked up” we head for out next destination in the most direct route possible. (When you’re as drunk as that, spiraling IS the most direct you can be.)

During this time of war, our ships are camouflaged so well, that all you can see are the sailors, flags and smoke. After stopping by the Swiss Alps (Where our plane slides over the mountains.) and an oil derrick, (Where we have our second spitting tobacco joke.) we come to an African Jungle. We see a species of carnivorous plant: the Eatemus abuggus. Or as it’s known in English: the Carnivore Flower. It tries to make a meal out of the bee that flies into its “mouth”, but it is stung. A line of animals wait for a turn to drink at a water hole. (Wait, why is there a pronghorn in Africa?) You might be wondering why the elephant is being so patient, as in the wild they tend to use their size to bully their way in first. Why, it’s because a zebra mother is helping her young to take a drink from the fountain. Isn’t that precious? (What? You thought it was going to be a lake? You clearly are new to these shorts.)

Past Veronica Lake (which is shaped like Veronica Lake) is a land of giant cannibals. Two hunters and their racially insensitive guide are heading that way to try and capture some. (I think that freckled one is supposed to be a caricature of Friz Freleng.) Their guide (who only speaks in scat singing) is excited to show they were captured. (Was he a spy? Or is he happy because he escaped?) The cannibals are so giant, that the hunters are nothing but mere candy bars to them.

Next we see some baby rabbits. Awwwww! (My favorite one is the one whose back is turned to us.) But they have been spotted by a Japanese vulture. (Also depicted in an unflattering way, just because he’s from another country doesn’t make him any less of a bird.) The rabbits respond with an anti-aircraft gun. The one whose back was turned turns around and… Hey! That’s no baby bunny! It’s Bugs Bunny! Before the short ends, his ears make a victory V. (Sad to say, there are no victors in war. Only losers.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Buckaroo Bugs

“He wants to play cops and robbers, eh?”

That’s a cowboy, yessir he is!

Directed by Robert Clampett; Story by Lou Lilly; Animation by M. Gould; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1944. (By the way, I love how the short feels the need to inform us that this short stars Bugs. If the title wasn’t a dead enough giveaway, Bugs’ face shows up before the title card)

Wow. A short where Bugs is the straight up villain. We’ve seen him be a trickster before, but I think this might be the only time where he is the antagonist. What’s his crime? He’s stolen all the carrots out of people’s victory gardens. (The fiend!) Only one person can stop him! (No, not Cecil Turtle.) Brooklyn’s own cowboy: Red Hot Ryder. By the way, the narrator calls Bugs a rodent, but I will correct him as rabbits are not rodents! They are lagomorphs. And this had already been established by the 1940s, thank you.

Ryder is sad to say, not my favorite opponent for Bugs. He’s a little too dumb for my tastes. Why does that bother me? Well, why did anyone think he’d be a match for Bugs? What has he done to deserve such credit? Is everyone who knows him even dumber than him? Not to mention I’m just not much of a fan of really dumb characters. You gotta work really hard to make me enjoy them. Leni Loud is a good example. Appearance wise, Ryder looks like someone made a clone out of Yosemite Sam and Captain Ollimar. That’s not a complaint though, its just an observation.

His horse won’t stop for him, so he has to club it unconscious. He begins hunting for “The Masked Marauder.” Bugs is not fazed and decides to play along with him. Using a magnet, he robs Ryder of all his coins, bullets, sheriffs star and belt buckle causing his pants to fall down. I’m pretty sure those coins shouldn’t have been magnetic, but toon magnets don’t have to follow our world’s logic. (Lucky.) Only after Bugs leaves does Ryder catch on to his identity. He asks a stranger if he’s seen the bandit. (Bugs without his mask) Bugs asks if the guy is the one who not only wears a mask like his, but robs him like so! Well, this time he takes more. Including the pin of Red’s diaper, (Wait, wasn’t he wearing ladies underwear before? I don’t get the switch.) and all the filings of Red’s teeth. (Ooh! That looks painful!)

Red confirms that that is the guy. Too bad Bugs hasn’t seen him. But he has to excuse himself to rob a train. I think? He fakes the whole thing, but then he still has loot when he comes back. And it’s not just carrots this time, but tons of war time luxuries like meat, gas and a color changing can of pineapple. He gives Ryder phony directions to go after the Marauder and the little guy heads back to his horse. He hops on and the horse runs off. Ryder however just hopped on a fence post and is yet to discover he’s not moving. (Best part of the short is his horse coming back and angrily waiting for him to discover he’s not moving. He doesn’t catch on.)

The horse glues him to the saddle and they’re off! Bugs trips the two and then disguises himself as a telegram deliverer. He gives Ryder an insulting poem whose last line is censored. Ryder is too dumb to figure it out. And then they teleport back to where this started. I’m not joking! That’s totally the same background! Bug’s hole is there and everything! Bugs tells Ryder where the Marauder went which was apparently over steadily increasing-in-size gorges. The one the horse can’t make it over is the Grand Canyon, and the two plummet down. Ending up underground, Red finally deduces that Bugs and the Marauder were one and the same. Bugs confirms this and gives him a kiss.

All in all, I don’t hate this short. But I’m just not a fan of Red. If I had written it, he’d have had no publicity and just be some guy Bugs stole from and he was trying to get revenge. Clampett, I love ya, but this was my least favorite of your work.

Personal Rating: 3. I have to be fair. I don’t think people will dislike it for the reason I do.

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Bacall to Arms

“Anybody got a light?”

Care to help a fellow American who’s down on her luck?

Directed by Robert Clampett (uncredited); Animation by Manny Gould, Don Williams, Rod Scribner and I. Ellis; Layouts and Backgrounds by Thomas McKimson and Philip DeGuard; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1946.

One of Clampett’s last shorts and it feels like his heart wasn’t really in it. Many scenes are reused from “She was an Acrobat’s Daughter,” including the crowd switching seats, the fat hippo, and the young goose annoying his father. A wolf is shown his seat by a female usher. (I swear that’s Porky sitting behind him.) He rushes off to flirt with her but is slapped. A news reel is shown that radar has a new purpose: alerting a family to the mother-in-law coming. The film then starts. A parody of the real picture “To have and have not” called “To have…To have…To have…” (etc.)

It stars parodies of the stars of the actual film, Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall (to arms) played by thier Toontown counterparts: Bogey Gocart and Laurie Bee Cool. The rest of the cast’s names scroll on the screen. They’re not important. The movie itself says they are the “cast off characters.” The wolf (who shall hence forth be known as Winchell) starts to doze off. (After the cartoons, I would too) The Tex Avery hippo is told by Gocart to sit down and stop inconveniencing people as the film is starting.

When Laurie shows up on the screen, Winchell pays attention. She’s so hot, that she leaves little flame trails wherever she walks. As she kisses Gocart, the wolf is in heaven. (The whites of his eyes disappear at one point even.) Winchell continues to go nuts. Kissing the back of the head of the patron in front of him, whistling so hard someone’s wig flies off and jumping out of his clothes. (Apparently the audience left to go smoke at that point as the theater seems deserted.) When Laurie is finished with her cigarette, Winchell dives after it and takes a puff. Not amused, Gocart shoots the wolf and takes it for himself.

It blows up leaving him in blackface. (Yes, this part was cut for television.) He exclaims that he can work for Mr. Benny now. (It’s a little known fact that there were at least 12 Rochesters and that Gocart played the 3rd one)

Personal Rating: 3. There’s just barely enough new here to keep it a little interesting.

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Señorella and the Glass Hurache

“Size 4 and 5/8.

All the pretty girls in love with Jose.

Directed by Hawley Pratt; Story by John Dunn; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy, Bob Matz, Virgil Ross, and Lee Halpern; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Effects Animation by Harry Love; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc and Tom Holland; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. Released in 1964.

This is the last short that was produced by the old studio before Depatie and Freleng made their own. It features the new opening titles that started with “Now Hear This” and have since become associated with the later shorts.

At Casa de Tacos (IHOT) two guys see an advertisement for this very story. The one on the left has never heard of it, so his compadre fills him in on the sad story. The girl of said story has a pretty crappy life. Not only is she bossed around by her “strap-mother and strap-seesters” but she has to sleep in the fireplace to actually get warm. At least her Disney counterpart got an actual bed!

Her only friends are what the narrator calls bugs, but I don’t because not all insects are bugs. They’re are good “bugs” (Cockroaches who help her with her cleaning. That’s nice of them to go against their nature.) and bad bugs. We’re not told what those are, but they must be parasites as she scratches herself when they are brought up. This could lead them to be fleas (also not bugs) or bedbugs. (Actually bugs!) I’m not too sure which they are though. She doesn’t sleep in a bed, but bedbugs are real bugs and you get a bit of fun wordplay with them. (The bedbugs are badbugs.) Fish aren’t the only animals I know about. But I digress…

A man named Don Miguel (Did Mexico ever have kings at any point? I’ll just say he’s a mayor.) wishes for his son, Jose, to marry. But his son would rather fight bulls all day. So Don flat out states that a fiesta will be held and every eligible senorita will be attending. Well, one won’t be. As all the ladies get prettied up, our titular character looks forward to a night with the cucarachas. But her fairy godmother shows up and turns a cart into a car and the insects into burros. Because she didn’t have anything to turn into fossil fuels, I guess. And not only does she give ‘Ella a smokin’ new outfit, complete with glass huaraches, but plastic surgery too! Why else would her nose change like that? Jose has standards, you know. And she is sent off with the usual midnight curfew.

Jose meanwhile, is not impressed by the army of identical clones and two uggs that dance by. (The rose is this scene really should have been a black outline or something. The petals disappear into the background.) But when our main character comes out he is smitten! They dance until the clock strikes twelve and she dashes off leaving behind one of her shoes. Jose vows to marry whoever fits it! And he’s not shy about letting you know if you aren’t the girl he was looking for. As he has you leave out of the exit labeled “rejects.”

At Casa de titular character, the “strap mother” does not wish for her “strap daughter” to have a chance at wedded bliss, so she dumps her into the pig pen. Jose is saddened to find his mystery mate isn’t here either, but what’s that he see’s out the window? A leg! And it fits the shoe! But could his mystery woman really be a pig? Of course not. That’s something I would put into a cartoon. She is the very same girl he fell in love with. Though her clothes disappeared, her plastic surgery was permanent. (Jose has standards!) They are married and the narrator concludes his story.

But wait! Why was it sad? (Other than cockroaches continuing to be mislabeled as bugs?) Oh that concerns the “strap mother.” Our narrator married her.

Personal Rating: 2. It’s a whimper, not a bang.