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The Sour Puss

“G-G-G-Guess what we’re gonna have for dinner t-t-tomorrow night?”

Directed by Robert Clampett. Released in 1940.

Before we begin, I’d like to say a few words before my words. I have mentioned the following before, but I don’t know how many people read my older posts, so I’ll reiterate here: I think suicide can be funny when it’s used as a joke in media. Now, in real life, suicide is never the answer. I’m not a psychiatrist or even really that good at being sensitive, so you probably shouldn’t take this opinion seriously, but to me, killing yourself proves you really don’t give a f*ck about the people in your life. They are the ones who really suffer in these situations. Forever wondering if it was their fault. If they could have helped. And since we have no proof of an afterlife, they don’t even have the guarantee they’ll see you again.

But in cartoons, it’s totally fine and often very funny. (To me.) Remember in “Rabbit Romeo” when Bugs forced a goldfish to kiss Millicent? It killed itself and that was funny. As long as you ensure that the situation the character is in isn’t too sad/serious, I’m not going to complain. I’m sorry for making you read all of this, but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea when I laugh at the suicide that takes place in this short.

One night at Porky’s place, he is reading his paper and sees that fishing season will begin tomorrow. He excitedly gets decked in his angling gear. (Personally, I find fishing one of the most boring and yet barbaric wastes of time.) He lets his cat know of tomorrow’s dinner by imitating a fish. To most, that is simply a humorous picture, but to someone with icthiophobia, that is the stuff of nightmares. (NotthatIwouldknow.) The cat is so excited he bounces around the house. (Why does Porky have an empty fish bowl?) He even kisses a mouse. This action makes the canary of the house pull a gun on himself, since he’s now seen everything. (Fun-ny. And I’ll thank all of you who have suicidal thoughts to stop ruining comedy for me.)

They head to bed. Porky counts sheep, but his cat (who is sleeping in a drawer, because there’s no point wasting money on a bed for an animal that won’t even use it.) counts fish. When you have an obsession, it’s near impossible to sleep while thinking about it. No surprise, the cat hits 1,000,000 and is still awake. He takes something for insomnia: A hammer to the head. The next day, pig and cat each have cast lines. (The cat’s line tied to his tail.) A flying fish approaches. That’s not a freshwater fish, but am I really complaining about that, while the fish is literally flying? Yes. I just don’t want people to go to a lake and expect flying fish. I know about fish.

The cat takes a swipe and the fish is down. Not really. This fish is like if Daffy had gills and fins. He jumps around laughing hysterically and talking with a weird vibrating voice. (I like him. He’s silly.) Porky seems to get him on his hook, but the fish just does a yo-yo imitation. (Why not try fly fishing? I know about fish.) The fish sticks one of his pectoral fins out of the water to imitate a shark. Porky falls for it, and warns the cat. The cat is a moron and doesn’t know that sharks have been found in freshwater. (I know about fish.) He calls the fish’s bluff only to find it really is a shark. (I don’t really get how that happened.) The cat runs off into the distance much to the shark’s confusion. “Pussycats is the cwaiziest peoples.”

Personal Rating: 3

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Conrad the Sailor

“You’re a sthlovenly housthekeeper.”

Directed by Charles M. Jones. Released in 1942.

Who is Conrad? Well, you asked the right person. If you didn’t ask you are either: A) already quite knowledgeable about cartoons and just come here for my jokes, or B) you are a sad person who isn’t even looking at my blog. shame on you. Conrad the cat only appeared in 3 shorts. All of which were directed by Jones, all of which came out the same year. This is both the only one with his name in the title and the only one where he speaks. His one defining character trait is that he has a little shuffle walk but I like him. His appearance makes me smile. This short was his final appearance. It takes place on a ship. (No surprise.)

While most of the crew appear to be dogs, Conrad is not. Perhaps this is the reason he’s the only one swabbing the deck? Listen to his voice. Does he sound familiar? No, it’s not Mel. Please stop guessing him. Would I even bring it up if it was Mel? That my friends is Pinto Colvig. The original voice of Goofy. Even if he is being discriminated, Conrad cheerfully mops and sings. To his displeasure, he finds muddy duck prints all over. Daffy Duck prints to be precise. After mocking his singing, Daffy switches his bucket of water for red paint. Conrad doesn’t even notice until the duck points it out. Angered, the cat gives chase.

Despite Daffy thinking he gave him the slip, Conrad is right behind him and pulls him into a lifeboat and pounds him. Coming out they both salute the captain, before Daffy is tossed into the sea. That’s obviously not going to stop him. The chase continues when he gets in Conrad’s way of polishing a cannon. Before they can chase though, the captain comes by again and they salute once more. Daffy starts up a game of “Patty cake” using the lyrics to “Pease porridge” instead. Which is a really odd rhyme when I really think about it, why is it not spelled peas? Why are they in porridge? Do people really want to eat porridge that’s nine days old? What is porridge?

They chase, (salute the captain again) and Daffy hides in a gun. Conrad knows exactly where he’s hiding and loads it. When fired, the bullet continues to chase Daffy. Him running behind Conrad, means that the cat has to run too. But this doesn’t stop all three of them from saluting the captain again.

Personal Rating: 3

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The Night Watchman

“I guess you’ll have to watch the kitchen tonight, son.”

Directed by Charles Jones. Released in 1938.

In Chuck’s directorial debut, our story takes place in a house. There is a cat there, but he is sick tonight. Therefore, his “The Night Watchman” duties will have to be handled by his son. His son looks like some kind of a rodent to me, with his big buck teeth. And he’s kinda clumsy too. Even smacks himself when trying to salute. He heads out to perform his old man’s job. Geez, he’s tiny! I know he’s a rodent, but he didn’t look much smaller than his father. Maybe the kitchen is giant?

Either way, he’s immediately in the company of a mouse. The mouse does the ole “what’s that and flicks his nose” gag and steals one of his buttons. Learning that the regular watchman is sick, he calls his posse and they begin to feast. They eat their way through the food and make some humorous sight gags. Like, starting at one end of a pretzel and eating one’s self into a knot, and getting into a jar of olives and eating them all. (Thus creating your own prison with only an olive jar.) The kid tries to get them to stop, but he’s not very assertive and actually ends up helping prepare a steak for the leader.

The mice perform a floor show and this forces the child to yell to get his “quiet” heard. The leader hits him and he walks off in tears. His conscience berates him for letting his father down and reminds him he’s a cat. (Really? All this time I though he was a gopher. That still doesn’t explain why he’s so small.) With newfound courage, he heads back into the fray and pounds every mouse that tries to stand in his way. Before he’s through with them, he is sure to steal a button from the leader. Turnabout is fair play.

Personal Rating: 3

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Charles Jones

Here is another example of the amazing talent Warner Bros. had. Some would say he’s the peak.

Born in 1912, he was the son of an unsuccessful business man. When this father would start up a new business, he would always get some stationary with the new company name on them. When they failed, he told his children to use them up as fast as possible. As such, young Charles got plenty of drawing practice. Good thing too, in an art class later in his life, the professor said that everyone has 100,000 bad drawings in them that they have to get out before they can draw anything worthwhile. (Harsh, but that explains why I can’t draw.) Chuck had no such worry as thanks to all that paper, he was well over the 200,000 mark.

After graduating from Chouinard Art Institute, he received a call from a friend who had been hired by the Ub Iwerks studio. Starting as a cel washer, he moved up from painter to in-betweener, (the person who draws what comes between the drawings the animators make) He also met a cel painter named Dorothy Webster, who would one day become Dorothy Jones. He joined Warner Bros. in 1933 as an assistant animator, but got promoted to actual animator two years later. He was assigned to work with another man named Tex Avery. They moved into what they called Termite Terrace with other men named Bob Clampett, Sid Suterland, and Virgil Ross.

When Frank Tashlin left the studio, Chuck took over his unit and became a director. The man created many characters for the studio. Some not quite well known even though they are more hysterical than the majority of cartoons today, (Charlie dog, the Three Bears, Hubie and Bertie) and some that are rightfully considered cartoon legends. (Marvin the Martian, Pepe Le Pew, and Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner.) He would also work with Dr. Seuss himself, Theodore Geisel on Private Snafu shorts, (and later would direct “How the Grinch stole Christmas”) he did some uncredited work on Disney’s “Sleeping Beauty” and wrote the screenplay for the film “Gay Purr-ee” (Animated cats in France? Why does that also sound so Disney?)

He left Warner Bros. in 1963 and worked for MGM, making some Tom and Jerry shorts until 1967. He continued work on animated TV adaptions of stories like “Rikki Tikki Tavi”, “The White Seal”, and “Horton hears a Who.” Also producing the “The Phantom Tollbooth” movie.  He even made a cameo in the movie “Gremlins.” His last Looney Tune was 1996’s “From Hare to Eternity” which was a tribute to Friz Freleng, who had died the previous year. (It’s surreal to see Sam being directed by Jones. Yosemite Sam that is, not Sam the sheepdog.)

The man died in 2002 due to heart failure, and his ashes were set out to sea. He may be gone, but his work is still highly celebrated. He won Academy awards for three of his short films, (“For Scent-imental Reasons“, “So Much for so Little“, and “The dot and the line.”) And in “The 50 greatest cartoons”, Numbers 5, 4, 2, and 1 are all shorts he directed. Mr. Jones, I salute you. You were one of the most talented Human beings on this planet. I am honored to have shared planet time with you. 

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90 Day Wondering

“I’m a civilian!”

Directed by Chuck Jones. Released in 1956.

Two posts in a day? It’s an October Miracle! (Or the idiot who runs this place didn’t plan ahead in advance very well, and realized he needed to have two in one.) Well anyways… At a location named “Fort Itude” (Which let’s be honest, is one of the best names of any place in history.) A tornado seems to leave. Taz was in the army? Nah, it’s just Ralph Phillips who is beyond happy to be “normal” again. His family welcome him back, but soon the excitement wears down and they settle back to their daily routine.

Ralph decides to go out for some fun. (Of course, not until after he’s had a few beers and smokes. The kid of “From A to Z-z-z-z”, people. ) He heads to the malt shop he used to go to, but nobody he used to hang with is there. They’ve been replaced with younger teens who make Ralph feel like an old man. But he has his address book! He calls up the girls he used to know. Which leads to an expected, but still hilarious joke: “Mommy? A man wants to talk to you.” He goes through them all; none of them are interested. If you weren’t there to engage them every day, you deserve to die alone.

As Ralph mopes in the park, a tiny little character shows up. This is Pete, the civilians friend. He’s here to tell Ralph the benefits of being out of the army. Another character shows up named Re-Pete. He looks cool, so naturally he is my new friend. Both begin trying to persuade Ralph to stay on/come back to their side. The army may pay less, but it gives so much more. There are over 400 jobs available, it can finance one’s education, give you a paid vacation, and if you play your cards right, you can retire at age 38. (Dang. Is that still possible? I’d look it up, but I don’t want to.) Pete is losing the battle and none of the ideas he’s pitching are working. (Like inventing dehydrated water and inheriting Fort Knox. Both of which I’ve already done multiple times.)

Ralph re-enlists. A nice short, but it seems to be saying that you can’t be happy unless you’re in the army. Say good-bye to free will kids. Your choice has been made.

Personal rating: 2

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Ralph Phillips

You know, I’ve mentioned Ralph before in previous posts, but I have yet to give him his own post. I aim to fix.

Technically speaking, Ralph only appeared in 2 classic shorts from the golden age. But, he also starred in two army recruitment films and an unaired TV pilot that was repackaged into a theatrical release. So he still makes the criteria for getting his own spot. Ralph is just like any ordinary boy. He as an active imagination and it showed in his two shorts. He was either daydreaming during school, or fantasizing at home. Both shorts are very creative and his first one is considered one of the 100 greatest Looney Tunes.

In the recruitment films, he was much older and a little bit more serious. Which just goes to show how much he grew up. And if you watch his shorts, listen carefully to his voice. Sound familiar? No, it’s not Mel. It’s Dick Beals, the same person who was Speedy Alka-Setzer. Ralph doesn’t get a lot of recognition these days. (I mean, why market a small boy, when a talking rabbit is far more profitable?) But he will always have a place in the hearts of those who are young at theirs.

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A-Haunting we will Go

“I told ya, there’s no such thing as a witch.”

Directed by Robert McKimson. Released in 1966.

Did you ever want to see what would happen if you crossed “Broomstick-Bunny” with “Duck Amuck” and added Speedy in? You did not, and if you are saying you are, you’re just being a smart@ss. Stop it right now. And yet, here we are. (And what an appropriate short, given the season.)

Someone in Bug’s witch costume comes up to Witch Hazel’s door. It turns out to be a young duck who resembles Daffy. When he gets one look at the witch, he bolts. Back home, he tries to tell his Uncle Daffy that he saw a real witch. Daffy, naturally, doesn’t believe him, and drags him out to prove him wrong. Hazel (making her last appearance in the golden era, which means it’s the last short June Foray worked on.) meanwhile, is working on one of her brews. She bemoans the fact that she hasn’t taken a vacation in quite a while, but she is interrupted by Speedy. He wants to borrow some cheese. (Am I the only one who thinks that’s a weird phrase? You can’t borrow food. You eat it.)

She initially refuses, but reasons that if she tinkers with the cheese, she can turn him into her double and then she can go have some fun. She hands him some, and wouldn’t you know it, it works. (Speedy fell for it? Then again, Hazel always has been rather smart. She did catch Bugs a few times, even if he did get away in the end.) Speedy takes the whole thing rather well and the real witch leaves. Speedy messes with the brew a bit, when Daffy shows up. Speedy invites him in and pours him some brew to drink. Daffy is pretty polite here, as he drinks it despite disliking the taste. I guess he made his point. (Despite the fact his nephew isn’t with him anymore.)

As he leaves, he turns into the thing Bugs once painted him to be. Hazel returns, (Wow. Short trip. Who was keeping her from leaving anyway?) and asks Speedy how it went. Speedy shows off the transformed duck who has still yet to leave. (I guess he found out what happened and wouldn’t leave until he was fixed up.) Hazel is angry and turns Speedy back into mouse saying that’s all he’s good at. Speedy seems a lot happier, so that was a waste of an insult.

She then turns Daffy back, and declares it’s been a while since she had duck. Daffy flees, but she scoops him up with her broom. He jumps and somehow has a parachute, but the witch turns it into an anvil and he plummets. But she doesn’t look where she’s going and crashes. On the ground, Daffy’s nephew finds him and asks if the woman was a witch. Whether he just won’t admit the kid was right or he doesn’t want him to be scared, Daffy lies about her identity and they head home. As they walk, Daffy turns back into his flower-headed, four-legged form.

Personal Rating: 1 (Mostly because the shorts it copies from are infinitely better, and Speedy really doesn’t add anything.)

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The Wild Chase

“Vamanos! Vamanos! Yee-haa!”

Directed by Friz Freleng. Released in 1965.

My four shadows are gone! Do you get it yet? I said in a few posts back, that I wondered who would win in a race between Speedy and the Roadrunner. Foreshadowing! Seems I’m too subtle for my own good. Well, we might as well carry on anyway.

A race is being held for the honor of Mexico and Texas. (Oh. Okay. I always pictured the Roadrunner shorts taking place in Arizona or New Mexico, myself. And I like the idea of the new trying to outdo the classic.) The fastest mouse in… well probably the whole world, Speedy, vs that literal road burning bird, the Roadrunner. Both entrants are being watched by hungry eyes. One Wile E. Coyote, (who is for a first, NOT being directed by Chuck Jones) and Sylvester. And this is his last starring role. He’d reappear as a cameo one year later, but that was it.

The race starts and the bird takes the lead. The coyote follows and the ” resulting smoke hides the fact that there’s no more road” gag from “Zoom and Bored” is reused. Sylvester chases his prey of choice but has to stop at the same cliff. (I guess Speedy jumped.) The Roadrunner for whatever reason, went backwards and surprises the cat to jump off and land on the struggling coyote. Both predators try launching boulders at the prey, but they collide in midair and land on their respective launchers. Wile E. tries the “putting iron pellets in birdseed gag” that he used in the short “Wild about Hurry”, with Sylvester laying cheese as bait. The racers stop for a snack. (Should I stop pointing out every time there’s a color goof? ‘Cause Speedy’s nose turns tan.)

Wile E. sets a grenade tied to a roller skate with a magnet on it to go toward the two. It breaks in two just as he checks to see how it’s going. They try pushing a rock on the two, but it won’t fall until both are jumping on it, and when trying to set up a TNT plunger, it blows up before they get it set up. They decide to catch their prey by riding in a rocket car. They catch up, but the racers veer away from a tunnel that the car enters. It leads to empty air, but the car is going so fast, that they don’t plummet. Instead they pass the combatants and end up winning the race themselves. Then the car blows up.

Amusing short, but I feel like this story was done better in an issue of Looney Tunes DC Comics. Where the racers tie… for second place. Cecil turtle won first. (Great joke and twist.)

Personal Rating: For the crossover alone, it earns a 3. But it’s real close to being a 2, due to the repeating gags and cheaper animation.

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Pancho’s Hideaway

“Don’t worry. I’ll get back all the money’s.”

Directed by Friz Freleng.* Released in 1964.

*”But wait” you say, “didn’t you just say that in the last post that “Nuts and Volts” was the last of the golden era Warner Bros. shorts to give him director credit?” Yes I did. Don’t worry, all will be explained in about twenty-one letters later. That was fast. You see, by 1963 the cartoon studio at W.B. was shut down. Friz Freleng and executive David H. DePatie formed Depatie-Freleng Enterprises to keep making shorts. While they did continue to make Looney Tunes, many feel that these just simply weren’t as good as they were before. (I still think they’re pretty dang good.) The studio’s biggest claim was creating the Pink Panther. But let’s move on to what I’m supposed to be talking about, hm? (And why are my four shadows even bigger than before?)

A bandit is coming to town. Named Pancho Vanilla? Oh, where did he go wrong? Winning washing machines for your mother just wasn’t cutting it anymore? You had to move on to burglary? Wait a minute… That’s Sam! Except for the fact he’s dressed up like an early version of the Frito Bandito and has a Mexican accent, it’s Sam. But for your sake, (and the fact that famed cartoon historian Jerry Beck said Sam’s last appearance was in an earlier short named “Dumb Patrol”,) he shall be referred to as Pancho for today.

He robs the “Uno National Bank” and rides off. The town is all broke now. A mouse tells Speedy that this is good news. No money means they can’t afford cats, right? Maybe, but Speedy points out that with no money the people will eat all the crumbs the mice typically live off. (Actually Speedy, I think they’d eat their cats. So yes, good news!… Until they run out of “gato guacamole” and move on to “mouse with mole…”) Speedy decides to go get the money back himself. (Since you’re not stealing this time, you’re actually being a real hero for once. Good for you!)

He interrupts Panchos counting and claims that he is going to take it all back. Pancho has a good laugh at this and doesn’t notice Speedy take a coin away. He promises to come back for the rest, seeing as he can only carry one at a time. When he returns, Pancho is waiting and they march up to one another. Speedy is too fast for the draw, and Pancho only ends up shooting his feet. (At least he’s going to heaven!… ‘Cause he’s got holy soles?…Forget I tried.) When burying mines, Speedy sneaks up from behind and shouts. The bandit flies up into the air and lands on the mine. (Land, Mine, Land mine! Almost had a gag there! Joke that is…)

Pancho blocks the only way to his shack but leaves a little hole that his gun can poke through. Speedy runs through easily. (But he’s at least kind enough to give the bullet back.) A montage of Speedy succeeding constantly is played until Pancho sets up a new trap. As soon as Speedy comes in, he’ll be shot! But Speedy actually comes back to apologize. Seems like he took one coin too many and it actually does belong to Pancho who comes into the line of fire to get it. (Ouch. But… didn’t he notice he was out of coins?) Back at the bank, Speedy is counting the money to make sure it’s all accounted for. As he is in the thousands, Pancho sneaks up and shouts at him. Speedy loses his place and begrudgingly starts over.

(Don’t worry kids. The four shadow mystery will be solved next week.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Nuts and Volts

“Sorry Senor pussycat, I can’t play with you no more.”

Directed by Friz Freleng. (Interesting note, this is the last of the golden era Looney Tunes to give him director credit.) Released in 1964.

During one of their many chases, (in which Speedy is laughing a little TOO hard. Is it that fun?) Sylvester gets tired. (At least all that exercise is good for him.) He decides to try using technology to catch the mouse. (Why not? It’s the 60’s. Time to upgrade.) He sets up an electric eye that will sound an alarm as soon as Speedy exits his hole. Sylvester will then be launched towards him. (He crashes into the wall.)

He builds a mouse disposal robot. Working the controls with a sonic viewer, he spots the mouse and sends out his droid. Speedy is still much faster, so Sylvester turns up the robot’s speed as high as it will go. It crashes into the wall like he did. Round 2. Whatever that viewer is connected to, Speedy is able to look through and see the cat. The robot is sent after him but Speedy leads him into the viewers screen which somehow ends up hitting Sylvester as well. (Toon logic may be less logical than ours, but it’s more fun.)

Third time’s the charm right? Sylvester warns the bot it is down to its last chance and unwinds its arm to place some dynamite in Speedy’s mouse hole. Speedy keeps moving back, and Sylvester somehow knows to keep the arm going. Speedy leads the arm back behind the cat who can’t escape even by hiding in the robot. He tosses the thing out and grabs a club. (Ah the caveman approach. Very nice.) Speedy in turn, has gotten into technology himself, and sends a robot dog after the cat.

Personal Rating: 3