Category: Celebrity caricatures

One of the things Warner Bros. did best! Any short that either has one as a joke, or was built on this premise, will be featured here.

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The Great Carrot-train Robbery

“Carrots is the root of all evil.”

Oh, go on Bunny-boo. Snuggle.

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Cal Howard; Animation by Ted Bonnicksen, LaVerne Harding, Jim Davis, and Ed Solomon; Layouts by Bob Givens; Backgrounds by Bob Abrams; Film Editor: Hal Geer; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc and Pat Woodell; Musical Direction by William Lava. A Merrie Melody released on January 25, 1969.

Aw man! I really wanted to discuss this short’s prequel first! But fate chose this one, and autism made it stick. Let’s go.

The last recurring minor characters to come from the W.B.’s theatrical shorts. They’re named after two of  possibly the world’s most famous criminals: Carmen Sandiego and The Hamburglar. (Do I really need to spell it out for anyone?) As rabbits, they rob carrot patches. They wear clothes and drive a car, so the rules of this world are as weird as a cartoon ought to be.

Their design isn’t my favorite. Bunny has comically sized cheeks that make her look like she’s perpetually sucking a warhead candy after brushing her teeth, and her blonde hair doesn’t match her gray fur. And there’s no proof it’s a wig. Claude is a bit cleaner, but his wide-eyed smile makes him look totally clueless. On the plus side, we get to hear Mel one last time through him. I think I’ve backstoried enough. Let’s get a move on.

After the theme song. Yep, these guys got their own tune! With sung lyrics and animation pulled from their previous short! You know, I get the feeling W.B. was trying as hard as they could to make these guys last! It didn’t really work. The only mention I’ve ever seen of either of these two was a photo of Claude in “Tiny Toons Looniversity” suggesting that to Buster and Babs Bunny, he’s a relation.

Now we can really get started. The duo (who might not be married like their namesakes, s’not clear,) want to get on board the 515 train. The ticket master says that isn’t allowed, seeing as its a cargo train. Claude lightly shakes him, and he changes his tune. I’d do the same. Those teeth look plenty powerful. I thought they’d be well known, but the ticket master doesn’t recognize them until Bunny gives their names. Who else do you think would want to ride a carrot express? Bugs?

They duck into their car of choice and proceed to do whatever they choose to do when the camera isn’t on them, while the ticket master phones the third character of their stories, a sheriff referred to as Sheriff. He’s on his way! This is the perfect chance! If they’re holed in a car, all he has to do is figure out which one, and keep them inside until they pass the nearest prison. It’s not the fastest train, so he can catch up with his car.

After an amusing drive, (I do love him being crazy/blind enough to drive right in front of another moving train.) he gets on top of a car. It’s his lucky day, as he is standing on the right car, and Claude has just emerged to uncouple the car. He gives chase, but really now? A man catching a rabbit on foot? He can’t even jump the gaps in the car, and has to run in between them. He climbs back up just as Claude aims to pop back to safety. That’s when the train enters a tunnel. If that look painful enough, imagine the cramp he’s getting ducking down in there.

Claude thinks there home free, but Bunny sees Sheriff is entering now. They hide in some barrels before they are seen. Sheriff isn’t great at catching them, but he’s not a maroon. Since this is the carrot stronghold, he knows they’ll be here eventually. He’ll hide in the third barrel. The crooks decide to show the audience that they aren’t afraid to commit murder if need be. They nail him inside, stick some lit dynamite in, and kick him off the train. He survives, but only because the cartoon isn’t over yet.

Sheriff handcarts after them, just as Claude finally gets around to uncoupling that car he keeps saying he’ll get to. Sheriff gets a real workout trying to outspeed it, and only barely makes it onto some sidetrack. He crashes once he hits the end of that line. They’re going to get away unless he find some new transportation! He buys a farmer’s plow horse to get a ride. I love- you know what? No. I’ve said that so many times, it’s losing all meaning. Let me try something new.

I’m attracted to the farmer just looking totally lost at the wad of bills he now possesses. … I’ll stick to saying “I love-” from now on. Sheriff gets to the rabbandits before they flee, (and how did their car know where to meet them?) and the two worriedly clutch each other. (Claude’s cheek is a coward, and tries to blend into the background. It works, but the principle remains.) He reads them their rights, unaware that his new partner happens to share their love of sweet root vegetables.

Horse chows down. That doesn’t sound like the crunch a carrot should make. If W.B. didn’t already prove they knew that for the past 2.5 decades, I wouldn’t bring it up. I guess since Mel was no longer under contract, he was finally able to refuse biting into the things. I wouldn’t. Not only do I like raw carrots, but I’d be thrilled to be in a ‘Tune or ‘Melody as the carrot crunch. Oh yeah, I need to be finishing up here.

That horse eats more carrots than is healthy, and Sheriff gets angry at the lack of evidence. Give it about a day, and come back with some strong stomached forensics officers. In the meantime, the crooks see their opportunity and take what they can. The sheriff chasing them on his fat horse. They’re probably still chasing to this day.

Favorite Part: The look the thieves share when the ticket master changes his mind about letting them ride, and in a panic, starts listing all the people who can ride as well as thanking them for excitement and offering some of his lunch. They’re all “What’s with this guy? We just want to do something illegal. No need to get excited.”

Personal Rating: 3. It’s better than their first short. And maybe they could have been even better than this if the studio hadn’t closed by the end of the year. It’s cool to have antagonistic protagonists, but then, being based on existing people does date things a little. Maybe things happened perfectly.

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Aviation Vacation

This is just how it is with these ‘A’ Cards.

Supervision by Fred Avery; (Last time he was credited.) Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Sidney Sutherland; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on August 2, 1941.

I don’t like flying. It’s cold, cramped, cold, takes too long to get started, monotonous, (you thought I was going to say “cold”, didn’t you?) cold, and I’m stuck in this hell with loud, squealing, pig children and jerkish adults. And there’s really nowhere on this planet that is worth a plane ride. So, can Avery’s latest gag-shtick flick convince me otherwise? No. Let’s get started.

We’re departing from Cali, where the sun is always shining. Just admist the rain, wind and snow. It’s a toon plane, so it can flap its wings. Isn’t that funny! We’ll be following railroad tracks, so we don’t get lost. Our shadow is the courteous, yet playful type. It loves to duck into tunnels, but always is sure to let the trains have the right of way. Isn’t that not boring! We just need to take in one landmark, and we’ll leave the country.

The landmark is Mt. Rushmore. (And then, since North Dakota is a myth, we’ll leave as promised into Canada.) You can see all the four presidents currently carved, and plans to add whoever wins the next election. Unless the artists get bored and put it off for the next time. Or the next, next, next, next, next, next, (Kinda annoying, isn’t it?), next, next, next, next, next, necks, next, next, next time.

Okay. Ireland is next. (Next, next, next…) Patrick here will sing us a song. We let him think we can hear him in the plane, because when he gets angry, he gets drunk, and that makes him scary. While he sings, what appears to be a hair is caught in the projector. It goes on a little too long for my tastes, but I’m really hoping some theater goers thought it was a real hair back in the day. Imagine how they must have doubted reality, when Patrick yells for it to be removed.

Next, let’s go to Darkest Africa so we can make a literal joke again. At least having just the lighted windows remain on the plane is a shake-up. But there’s no need to visit a specific country, because there’s no difference. What would you find in Morocco that you wouldn’t find in Zimbabwe? And all the natives look as racist as we deem appropriate in this era. We’ve seen it all before, so why not go all the way and make a racist, ostrich joke?

I DIDN’T MEAN IT! $^&# you, guys! I hate, loathe, and detest, the ostrich hiding head joke! Only if because it’s still done to this day! Read a book! Feel free to educate others! These are our biggest dinosaurs left! Treat them with a little more respect, would ya? BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!

Now let’s look at some butterflies. Yes, from the plane. I didn’t hear anyone say we were disembarking, did you? It’s that magical, marvelous time, when they first emerge out of their chrysalises. The magic might lessen a little, when you realize they kinda just get spat out, but look at how gorgeous they are! Even when they’re drinking other animals’ sweat, tears, and urine, you can’t get much more beautiful than lepidopterans. Unless it’s the third one. He’s been sick. *Groan* I’m not much more fond of that overused chestnut. Here’s a change up: It lows, and calls itself a buttermilkfly. No laughs? Might as well take me home, then.

And so we head back. But there’s a fog! Is every trip Avery takes us on going to end like this? We try our best to land, but we’ll have to settle for ending up part of an amusement park ride. Just relax and get dizzy. Once someone throws up, they’ll stop the machine.

Favorite Part: As sick as I am of “sick” jokes, they did do a good job making that ‘fly look sickly. The bloodshot eyes were especially effective.

Personal Rating: 1. Drawn out jokes, racist jokes, and me being a bit bitter that I couldn’t find a complete print of the short. If you have one, share the wealth, would ya? I promise to lie and say I’ll raise the score a point.

 

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Coyote Vs Acme (First Thoughts)

“How hard can it be to catch a bird?”

Coyote goes a courtin’.

The wait has been agonizing. For years now, we’ve waited to be able to see this movie. Not even 100% sure we’d ever get to without underhanded means. But the fans and movie industry weren’t going to just ignore the problem this time. We made fusses. We made sure W.B. knew how angry and disappointed we were in them. We signed petitions. We made our voices heard since Wile E. didn’t have that luxury. We never gave up and we were rewarded in the end. It’s beautiful.

If you’re on this site, you’ve seen this film.  You know it’s great, but let me explain why just in case. I’ll spoil as little as I can, but you get the warning regardless.

I must admit, I was pleased with the attendance at my theater. Not sold out, but mostly full and not even entirely comprised of single, middle-aged, animation nerds. There were families and young couples! And that one annoying kid who wouldn’t stop loudly playing with his reclining seat. But I’m choosing to believe he was just having a hard time getting comfortable. Myself, I was there with my parents, brother and his wife. None of whom are fans of my caliber, but have enough interest to not just be there for courtesy’s sake.

The film wastes no time getting started. And does a good job of making you feel bad for Wile E. It’s never been hard, but you need to keep that sympathy for feature length. That’s a bit more tricky. Even better, the preexisting characters still feel like themselves in this. There wasn’t a moment where I was rolling my eyes and thinking “They wouldn’t do that. Come on!” Wile E. is the genius I’ve always known him to be, but also a toon. Doing a few actions that don’t serve him in any way, except being funny. Even Foghorn playing an antagonistic role. He felt believable! He’s never been the nicest guy, but when sorting the Tunes into “good and evil” categories, most would put him in good. Me included.

Branching off from the characters, they utilized a ton of them. And it was thrilling to see some who had still yet to make it to one of these films. I audibly said “YES!” when the Dodo appeared. Was not expecting Babbit and Catstello to show up. And was proud when by bro recognized Cool Cat! (Okay, so he just referred to him as “That tiger from the ’60’s.” A victory is a victory.) And they looked good! … For the most part! Okay, so I can’t say they looked perfect. Correction: I can’t say they ALL did.

My golden boys, Porky and Bugs, looked the best. Maybe because they were hand drawn? I don’t know why the others had to be c.g. Expenses, no doubt, but then why not do the same for all? I’m not complaining. They still looked nice enough! Right up until the film’s end. The budget running out by then? Why did that final crowd look so rough? I never wanted to see Hippety Hopper put down before, but it would have been a blessing! (I’m probably exaggerating.)

The live actors? Fine. I don’t know if I’m the best person to judge that. But I didn’t find anyone halfphoning or assing it in. The antagonists were my favorites. Delightfully hammy, but still believable for the world they were set in. Which also merits bringing up. This movie suggests that the characters were never actors. Wile E. has to introduce himself to everyone. Bugs isn’t immediately recognized by his voice alone. It’s not a big deal, but they do show the original shorts a few times. Maybe that’s just how Wile E. is remembering things? Then how does that explain the brief snippet of “Hare-way to the Stars“? Did Bugs really go into space?

The only other part I was raising my eyebrow at? There is a liar reveal in this picture. But it’s over and done so quick, that it made me question if it was really necessary. However, it did lead into the emotional low point of the film (as usual) and it looked like Wile E. had finally and truly quit. That’s when I heard that kid say “Don’t give up!” And my heart warmed. He had been invested after all! Even better, he saw the character as real as the human actor. So I have no way of proving that. I just figured that if you can get a reaction out of anybody, you’re doing something right.

What I was really worried about was the comedy. A lot of the later Looney works have been hit and miss in that department. My worries turned out to be as hilarious as the film. This was some great slapstick! Fast, punchy, crunchy, inventive and never distracting from the story at hand. Spoken jokes were also witty, and even Wile E.’s sign language got some good giggles. I was laughing out loud and I wasn’t the only one. (I was the only one who made sure to watch all the credits. The fam. doesn’t count because they were asking to leave.)

Oh yeah, this film had the heart too. It’s great to see Wile E. making friends. It’s sobering when you find out what Acme has been doing to toons. It’s beautiful when Granny is reunited with her lost husband. (Yeah, who’d have thought her and Peter Lorre would be together? Guess the “Pete” name doesn’t need to be used around here anymore.) And biggest of all: it’s beautiful to see what I’ve always figured for years: the Road Runner sees Wile E. as a friend. (Of course, now for the sake of argument, what if Wile E. caught him eventually? Could he really eat the guy?)

I’m eagerly awaiting my next viewing. I know I missed some cameos. (Several names are written down on files, but I only saw Rocky and Mugsy’s. Why are they the two characters I’m always able to notice?) It’s already risen to 2nd place on my Looney movies chart. And the highest praise I can give it? I’m certain that Chuck would have loved it too. Thank you Ketchup, for bringing us this opportunity. Thank you everyone who helped.

Favorite Part: Wile E.’s Rube Golberg finale. It’s fun to watch, you have no idea what it’s supposed to do on a first viewing, and the little extra bit of icing on the cherry on top? Wile E. waving his fingers like a conductor. He’s in his element, and since Acme had no part in it, it goes off without a hitch.

Personal Rating: 4

 

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Three’s a Crowd

“Friends! Romans! Countrymen!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Larry Martin. A Merrie Melody released on January 17, 1933.

Give it a decade or two. I guarantee Two will be considered the new crowd.

I love reading. I love warmth. I love reading when it is warm. Summer is ideal, but if you have to make do in front of a fireplace, do so. The old man of the picture enjoys partaking in such lovely an activity, but it’s time for bed. That’s even better than reading! You can even do both at the same time if you dream about reading! You can’t actually read in a dream, but anything else is possible. Yay!

Of course, as a librarian, I can’t help but get angry when the old fart places his book upside down instead of using a proper bookmark like a civilized human being. Maybe if he had been reading “The Sound and the Fury” but it’s “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”! Show some respect prickapuss! That’s a good contender for best thing ever written! The only good thing about this affront to literature? It allows young Alice herself to climb out of her story for a bit. It’s always the same no matter who reads it, so can you blame her for wanting a little variety?

She’s not the only one needing a change of page. Er, pace. Robinson Crusoe and Friday do too. (They were portraying him black even back then? Except for his flashing ears, of course.) Historical characters join in the fun as well. In fact, you could call this Warner’s first foray into the “books to life” cartoons. I do love stories where book characters meet each other. It’s a type of crossover that is severely lacking. I blame legal reasons.

Our title song is sung by, who else, the three musketeers. Can you think of any other book trios available at the time? Harry, Ron, and Hermione don’t exist yet, but that would make for an interesting timeline. I guess they could’ve used the three Christmas ghosts Dickens conjured. Antony then directs our attention to emperor Nero on fiddle. As his book shows Rome in flames. That a joke I don’t get? Or did he just want to play a torch song?

Even Uncle Tom gets a chance to sing. (Not that one.) I’ve never read the book he came from, but I do think he’d get along with Alice. Who I think would get along great with Dorothy Gale. How come no one has made that kind of crossover yet? I can’t guarantee it would be a pleasant, worry-free time. Books are full of various nasties and creepos. That’s just part of compelling fiction. And it’s about that time for one such type or the other to enter the scene.

I’d choose Clyde Griffiths. But the fiend in this picture has to be someone willing to carry Alice off. I can’t see him doing such a thing. Let’s use Mr. Hyde. And make him look even more animalistic than most portrayals. Cartoons can do that, you know. I admit, I haven’t read this guy’s book either, so I don’t know if his plan is to eat the kid or worse. What I do know, and he’s about to find out, is Alice has a good number of friends on hand. Loyal friends who have been around the block for a few centuries-decades.

Who do you honestly think would win: Hyde or Tarzan? I choose the latter. He was quite the bass, and he’s making Hyde want to hide here, too. Everyone join in! Robinson and Friday fire ink from a pen cannon. (It’s mightier than a sword.) Robin Hood fires flaming matches. And the musketeers use a pencil sharpener to fire pen tips. All deadly weapons to someone born from wood pulp and octopus defenses.

Hide Hyde! (It had to be used twice.) He chooses a box to duck into and the rest lock him in. He’s essentially created his own coffin, and gets thrown into the trash along with his older brother, the first draft. (Now there’s another good idea! Feel free to use it, and give me all the credit.)

Favorite Part: Cleopatra was said to be quite the looker, and the little dance she does convinces me. Plus, if you’re doing the bare minimum for story, you might as well throw in some eye candy.

Personal Rating: 1. You already know there are better, later attempts at this kind of short. There’s nothing here to make it stand out in any better way.

 

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Porky’s Duck Hunt

“It’s me again.”

Supervision by Fred Avery; Animation by Virgil Ross and Robert Cannon; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on April 17, 1937.

Porky, Porky, Porky. What are we going to do with you? We all love ya, but your voice… The polite way to say this is it’s too expensive recording that stutter. The honest? We feel bad for you when you speak. Get it under control, or we’ll have no choice but to bring Beans back out of retirement. Maybe Buddy as well. Look, we’ve booked you an appointment with some guy named Mel. He has a habit of performing voice miracles. We think you’d make a perfect match.

And were they ever! Right from the get go even! A marked improvement in every sense of the word. Porky had good shorts before, but now they have the chance to be greater than great. Superb, even. Maybe a summary would convince you? I know its hard to accept the fact that wonder can occur in the world.

Porky has decided to take up a new hobby. It requires bullets, decoys, and a suit that he looks adorable in. He’s going to hunt ducks. What jolly fun! Especially if you’re not a duck. (Geese think this sport is a hoot.) He must have some experience killing animals. I can see the tiger head on his wall, can’t you? But he’s still inexperienced. Never, repeat nine times, NEVER aim your gun at your dog. That’s just mean, not to mention potentially dangerous. Porky laughs this off, and claims its not loaded; pulling the trigger to prove it. The man living above him pays a visit to punch Porky’s puss soon after. I call that karma.

I also call ducks delicious, so Porky has my support. At the lake, he sees a juicy morsel in the air right away. He does his best to be as quiet as a louse, but he’s not the only one here today. It’s like it’s duck season, or something. Fortunately for the bird, nobody here knows what they are doing and every bullet misses. I’m happy I live in a world where bullets don’t just litter the ground should you miss your target. Couldn’t be happy for the ecosystem. Porky is smarter than humans, so he deploys decoys so he won’t waster resources. Will they work?

If by ‘work’ I meant a meat duck could hide in plain sight amongst them. They work beautifully. The duck quacks at Porky’s back, and acts wooden when Porky tries to catch him. Porky’s not crazy though! He’s the only one who’s not crazy in this picture! His plan is to tie a decoy around his head, then sneak under the water to see which duck has legs. That’s his dinner. Or trophy. But that’s a waste of lovely meat, and mouthwatering fat.

Turns out, guns don’t function so great after being submerged. Porky can’t do more than squirt at the fowl, so it takes off. (After letting out a weird shout. The same shout featured years later in “A Corny Concerto“. Odd bit to reuse.) Luckily for Porky, this doesn’t cause his dog to appear on screen and laugh at him. Besides, once the water’s been cleared out, it’s ready to go. The duck has landed on a barrel of beer, (all good wetlands have these) and Porky’s bullets hit that. The duck flies away, and the hooch flows into the water. What an effect that could have on the local fish, and what an effect it does!

So drunk are the little guys, they’ve forgotten they can’t breathe out of the water. Without that fear holding them back, they giggle like schoolgirls as they load up onto a rowboat for a bit of serenading. (Hey. Where’d the fifth one come from anyway? Answer: an egg.) They enjoy this privilege that no fish has ever had the pleasure of before. No wonder humans do this. I hate to see them leave, but they’ve got a whole world to explore now. Porky acts more dry than the fish are now. (“There’s s-s-s-s-something f-f-f-fishy about th-that.”)

When the duck next tries to escape, Porky manages to shoot him down! Amazing and radical! He sends his dog to retrieve the goods. (Dog’s name is Rin-tin-tin.) Dog comes back all right, but the duck did all the retrieving work. Now Porky, he’s a good boy. Does what he’s supposed to and snitches on rule breakers. As such, he calls the duck out for not following the script. Back at this short’s debut, I imagine audiences were blown out of their brains to hear the duck not only respond, but tell Porky to not worry as said duck is crazy. He hops madly into the distance. Very daffy of him.

Porky next tries to hunt on the water. That’ll keep him hidden? Well, it was nice of the fish to let him borrow their craft once they got arrested for the boat version of D.U.I., regardless. Since Porky isn’t you know, hidden by any definition of the word, the ducks aren’t here. He decides to eat his lunch. As it turns out, that little black duck is quite the influence on the others, and they fly down to quack every time Porky turns his back. During the confusion, he ends up pointing his gun down when he fires, sinking his boat, and getting taunts from Joe Penner. (Ouch.)

Rin then gestures Porky over. Oddly, Porky’s hat is on the shore as well. And Porky returns with the decoy still on his head. Was this originally supposed to take place earlier in the short? Why though? And why change it? To make it funnier when that screwy duck returns and spouts today’s quote? (He may be duck sized, but I feel like he should be bigger.) He flies away again. Porky has at least one more toy to try though: his duck call. Blowing it attracts all the other hunters you forgot were hiding on the other side.

More trouble than its worth, Porky throws it away, but it lands in his dog’s esophagus. More bullets follow every time he hiccups, meaning pig and pet have to run home if they want to see tomorrow. Poor Porky. Maybe I should call him ‘Poorky’. Nah, I don’t want to rub it in. How about a compliment? I really do think you look cute with lopped ears! Or more like deaf ears that my compliments are falling on. Porky sulks, his mood not being helped by his dog still quacking. Only thing worse than losing is being reminded you lost.

Once home, he can’t even take a breather because the ducks flew all this way to mock him with aerial acrobatics outside his window. He tries to take them out, but used all his bullets at the lake. All except that last one that tends to get stuck at the back of the barrel. It only comes out when Porky throws his gun on the floor with frustration. The guy above gets another shot in the cheek, so Porky earns another pop in the nose. (Wait, that window to the right suggests there’s nothing but outside outside. Where’s that interior outside the door coming from?)

During the ending card, that duck shows up again to dance about the credits. Something tells me we haven’t heard the last from him. I think W.B. might have discovered a brand new personality type for Toons!

Favorite Part: Very hard to pinpoint. Avery’s unit was in top form here. But it has to go to the electric eel that appears in this picture. Yes, it looks nothing like its namesake as has to be labeled for our dumb butts. Yes, it has little limbs making it look more like a siren. (The amphibian ones.) Yes, this clearly isn’t South America. But… it IS freshwater! Holy opposite of Heaven! Do you know how many times I’ve been yelling at screens; insulting animators for putting that kind of fish in saltwater? It’s over 9.

Personal Rating: 4

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Sniffles and the Bookworm

“Yeeeaaah?”

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Rich Hogan; Animation by Robert McKimson; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on December 2, 1939.

Sniffles has taken refuge in a book shop. It’s got everything one needs; books and shelter. While napping, the second half of the title pops out of a row of books. He’s terrified to see a new creature and flees for help. Sniffles isn’t too bothered by the little guy. His smile suggests he finds him cute. This is their first meeting, so they’ll have a great story to tell each other’s future offspring.

The ‘worm knocks on a book because books are basically stasis pods that house their major characters. He’s scared, sure, but he’s an intellectual and knows a mouse when he sees one. He chooses the Pied Piper to aid him. That guy ain’t afraid of no rodent and walks through the repeating background section of the store to rid the store of vermin. I’m sorry Sniffles, but it is what you are.

It’s then that the insect’s gestures hit him: those weren’t gestures that suggest a small mouse. They were suggesting a big mouse! Or at least a small woodchuck. He’s going to need some help! He chooses a viking. From a history book? Does this mean you could summon anybody from an encyclopedia of famous people and make some kind of extraordinary league? I think Amelia Earhart, Gregor Mendel, and Osamu Tezuka would be nigh unstoppable. Your move, pestilence.

As the three advance, Sniffles follows behind as casually jaunty as can be. When the Bookworm realizes this, he runs over his aides to hide. They follow suit, and once round the corner, finally get a look at the beast. They’re a little miffed about B.W. exaggerating again. You should have seen what happened when he looked in a mirror for the first time. The piper decides to jam with Sniffles and provides him with his own pipe. This gets the nursery rhyme characters singing. But they can shut up now. Is this place telling me I can purchase a four volume set of Porky Pig books? I’ll sell anyone to slavery for that!

B.W. also joins in the festivities once he gets a horn of his own. Now this place is jivin’! There’s no corner of the store our music can’t penetrate! And unfortunately, Frankenstein’s monster doesn’t seem too pleased to be awoken. Really woke up boxy today, too. Like Minecraft Steve spliced himself with a moai. He takes some time getting to everyone, but once he does, everyone flees. (That viking stole Sniffles’s nose!)

As the monster reaches for the Bookworm, Sniffles can’t help shouting out “Stop!” Why, the monster never realized someone would ever challenge him! He chases after the mouse. Sniffles gets rid of him by tripping him over the side of the counter. He’s fictional, so that shouldn’t have hurt him. It was very humane. Finally, Sniffles can go back to resting. The hole B.W. made earlier is gone, leading me to wonder if this was supposed to be a dream.

Maybe it wasn’t, as when the Bookworm pops out again, he gives Sniffles a smooch. Or maybe he’s more friendly in real life? I’ve found most insects are. Those wasps were really swell gals once I decided to not swat them.

Favorite Part: I like how the ‘worm looks when he’s “running” for help. Looks like how scared pancakes do it.

Personal Rating: 2. This isn’t one of their better “book to life” shorts. Barely any unique characters doing anything. The most fun Chuck’s team does is inserting their bosses’ names onto the background books. At least the Bookworm is still pretty cute.

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Robinson Crusoe Jr.

“Waiter, waiter, percolator!”

Supervision by Norman McCabe; (His first time!) Animation by Veve Risto; Story by Melvin Millar; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on October 25, 1941.

Porky is going sailing! Maybe as part of the U.S. Navy, maybe as a freighter. Or I guess it could be for fun. What isn’t hard to guess is Porky’s attitude. He expects smooth sailing. And you know I’d be joining him if I was alive in the 40’s. Strangely enough, all the rats on the ship flee before it can sail. Now, rats are dang smart. But pigs are dang smarter. They’re d*mn smart! Porky believes the rats to be clueless cowards who wouldn’t know a ship sinking from a sub sandwich. (Porky? Did your arm just phase through the side of the ship?)

Nine weeks in and we’re still floating! And why shouldn’t we? This ship comes with a guarantee to be unsinkable. Signed by Thomas Andrews himself! I don’t care if the signature says “John Hancock”. Haven’t you heard of incredibly unoriginal pen names? D*mn smart as he is, Porky can’t help but wonder how the vessel would fair in a hurricane. Well, since you want to know so bad… Porky finds himself washed ashore on an island; the sole survivor of the storm. It’s just like that one story: “The Swiss Family Robinson!”

Luckily, Porky was expected. A little guy named Friday is here to greet and invite him to live together. (No, I’m not Friday.) The book chapter transitions I haven’t mentioned have jumped from VI back to III. Because that’s how numbers worked back then. Friday is pretty much a black stereotype. Rochester voice, unfunnily large lips; I do like his hat and spats. Very dapper. But in the spirit of adaptation, I’d just like to remind you that Friday wasn’t black in the original manuscript. If Mickey hadn’t done something similar six years earlier, I’d be more depressed.

He’s also got quite the accommodations. Complete with Bedrock style appliances. Turtle washboard; elephant spigots. How does one get just cold water to come out of a mammal? Is it a zombie? They sing too! That song will be stuck in your head all day if you let it. I did. Friday is a man of schedules. Today is Monday is washday is Friday’s. Porky might as well look about his new home and encounter some gags as he does. Not the funniest ones, but not the absolute worse. Two of whom I must discuss a bit further.

One: Porky finding a parrot and asking why it doesn’t respond to him. It’s waiting for the $64.00 question, but it was still presumptuous to assume being a parrot automatically means it can mimic. I’m an adult, and yet, people don’t just assume I drink. This picture already had an unfair stereotype. It didn’t need two! Second: animals gathered at a watering hole. Water cooler, I mean. They flee when they see Porky watching them, leaving a mess of papers. A feline of some sort (couldn’t be a tiger) returns to tidy up. The trash can reminds one to keep the desert island clean. But does this really qualify as one? Looks lush to me.

Porky comes across human footprints leading into a cave. So the island is more inhabited than he thought. Why isn’t Friday with these guys anyhow? He a misanthrope? Very noble. Porky enters to… establish trade? Show them whose boss around here? Eat them? Probably eat them. Pigs can eat humans very efficiently. It’s how I want my body disposed. Speaking of eating, the natives chase Porky. It isn’t fair to call them cannibals, seeing as they’re chasing PORKy. I’m not in favor of this, but I’m sick of people thinking cannibalism means eating something only similar to you. (We eat other mammals. So why do people freak out when cartoon fish try to eat each other?)

Porky flees back to camp. (I like him being faster than his footprints. That’s a decent gag.) Friday is equally scared, and is more than eager to join Porky once he carves a motor boat. Not willing to pass up a food source, the natives throw their spears. Who would’ve thought they could do that? Porky, still d*mn smart, stops things by putting up a sign on the boat saying their American. Listen, eating someone to survive is one thing. The crap the Nazis were pulling? They may be wild, but these guys aren’t savages!

Favorite Part: They bothered to only put four toes on the native footprints. They didn’t need to do that, as most people probably wouldn’t check to see to see if they were accurate, but they didn’t insult our intelligence. Almost as if they had a vision of a smart@$$ blogger discussing their work over 80 years later.

Personal Rating: 2. Weak gags and bad stereotypes. Two reasons for a two.

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Clean Pastures

“♫Only half of me wants to be good.”♫

Supervision by I. Freleng; Animation by Phil Monroe and Paul Smith; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on May 22, 1937.

There’s an infinite number of planets out there. (Though it’s probably closer to 3 million and 2.) Besides Earth, there’s a few others that can sustain life, and do, too. Today, we’ll visit this one. The one I’m pointing to. I don’t known the name of it, but it has a land named “Harlem”. I’m pretty sure the inhabitants have visited in the years beyond 3000. Unfortunately, before evolution helped them appear like actual human beings, the folks bore uncanny resemblances to stereotypical African-Americans.

Enjoy small mercies. Such as that the people here aren’t especially dim-witted, or rude, or struggling to survive. Their only sin is an abundance of it! The women dance scantily-clad style. The national sport is tossing dice. Their drinks are all alcoholic. You can’t go sixty seconds without some vice occurring, which means it’s a sin-a-min. around here. Especially in that building sporting the name “-ucking club.” (Uck it, Hayes!)

That’s it for worldly wonders. Let’s set our sights heavenward. Pair-o-dice hasn’t been doing so hot since we last saw them. Bad choices being so fun, combined with temptation making it seem smart is really hitting them in the stocks. The rival Hades company is simply the more popular location these days. If this place doesn’t get some business soon, it’ll get bought out for sure. Then the universe will be out of balance, and is liable to collapse on itself. Lots of legal trouble.

St. Peter needs to drum up some interest, but Gabriel plays trumpet. (Am I really not deleting that?) It’s uncomfortable listening to him as well, since he has that Stepin Fetchit voice. And mannerisms. And a nose that goes full black and an ear that does the opposite. And with those wings acting as limbs, he’s technically classified as a hexapod. But he’s not doing anything important, so he can go down to Harlem and remind people that a life of virtue reaps great rewards! If you’re dead.

Oh wow. Nobody takes him seriously. And I suppose Ben Stein wouldn’t be a good spokes-model for the Disney parks, either. Seems this planet is screwed. Want to try preaching at my world? It’d go just as poorly, but you can use it as vacation time. Peter is going to have fight evil with evil and call in the focus groups. The angels Fats, Cab, Louis, and Jimmie know how to turn everybody around! Turn this place into a rhythm heaven! Music, maestro! That’s how you sell things! Convinced, Peter gives them the job.

Down below, they do their stuff. It’s a catchy number that will also feature in the novelization of this picture. Interest is captured! In fact, the people don’t even want to wait until death. Temptation could always rise up again, you know. They follow the spirits back up. I guess this doesn’t count as suicide. Otherwise Peter wasted so much money on those guys. Who were they working for?

Pair-o-dice is once more the place to be when you’re no longer being. So bursting as the seams are they, that Peter has to put up a “No Vacancy” sign. That’s a lie, but that isn’t a sin up here. I know its a lie because a knock is at the door, and a voice is attached asking for admittance. Peter says there’s always room for one more. Can I trust anything you say?

Favorite Part: The person asking to be let in was Satan. Cute.

Personal Rating: 2. Like all the musical “Censored” the soundtrack is fantastic. Worth viewing for the privilege to listen! And I do like the concept of Heaven trying to sell itself. Quite ironic that many people would say this cartoon is a sin in itself. But maybe you should use your own judgement? And only be allowed to ban your children from viewing if you think it’s as bad as hell.

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Daffy Doodles

“I hate that d-d-duck.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on April 16, 1946.

The first for Robert! And you know what? He deserves it. He’d been there since the beginning and would stick to the end. With that said, I do have to admit he’s my least favorite of the “big” directors. He just didn’t have many pictures that really wowed me the way the others’ did.

There’s a demon on the loose in the city. Their words, not mine. The narrator isn’t even sure what they look like. It could be me, but it isn’t. It could be you, but you’re better than that. What little information we do have is what the fiend is up to: putting mustaches on all the ads. I’d say that’s minor at best, and pretty childish. But it is graffiti. Funny graffiti that would probably make the populace notice your sign more, but I’m not the law.

The title was on to something! Daffy is indeed the one doing this. We’ve all got our purposes in life. Mine is to make people glad they’re not me, yours is to tell me I’m more than that, and Daffy’s is to paint. It’s niche, but it’s what he’s good at. You wouldn’t ask Dali to paint a still life of ham and swiss and not expect him to make each hole on the cheese a mouth and the meat covered in snails that have crab shells, would you?

The city’s finest better be called in to deal with this. And that means a guy who is a pig literally and figuratively. Porky fits. (And I’m sorry if you find me calling a cop a pig rude. You must not know how I feel about pigs.) His plan is to hold a picture frame around his face, and not move. No blinking, breathing, swallowing or twitching. At least he’s mastered not sweating. Daffy isn’t so easily fooled, being a master of his profession and all. He just leaves a box in front of Porky with the typical “Do not open until Xmas”. But that’s this week, and Porky won’t be around then, so it’s logical to look now.

Daffy was in the box and gives Porky a ‘stache. And it looks amazing! Rugged, manly, sexy, tough… these are all fine words, but I chose ‘amazing’. Porky gives chase, but Daffy is able to lose him by playing porter and getting Porky into a subway car. Now that he’s gotten a taste for painting flesh, Daffy holds out his brush to give every passenger a lip tickler. Daring choice giving an infant the Hitler look. Poor Chaplin. You will never be anybody’s first guess unless they’re trying to misdirect others.

The downside to Daffy’s hobby is that he’s easy to track. Just follow the latest line of mustaches. They’re on the pictures of the stars at the theater. (The one on Bugs is a nice touch. And a hint of their relationship in the future.) Daffy then sees the largest billboard ever. Don’t point me to a bigger one and ruin my amazement. This will be great. Bigger is better! And better art is a masterpiece! Daffy sets to work, but Porky spots him up there and gets in position. As Daffy swings about painting, Porky pastes him on the head with his club. That’s more success than Wile E. ever had!

Daffy threatens to jump off if Porky comes nearer. Porky comes nearer and Daffy jumps. When Porky peeks over, Daffy, on the ledge just below, paints him again. It really suits you, man! Either grow a real one or pay the artist for his service already! The chase resumes along the building. Nice camera work! Daffy is even willing grab a hold of his pursuer when he loses his balance. Of course, that’s so he can turn the tables and chase Porky on a motorcycle. It’s great exercise!

The chase leads back on to the roof and the two fall through a skylight. In the rubble, Porky lends new meaning to the term “handlebar mustache”. Daffy makes his escape via the mail tube, and Porky goes looking for him at the corresponding mailbox. Being Daffy, he comes back to berate the officer for looking through the mail and slaps some cuffs on him. Now right where Porky wants him, he gets another bonk on the head and is taken to court.

Daffy pleads to the judge. He’s made some mistakes in his life, but isn’t the guilt punishment enough? He’s willing to make a fresh start if the law will just give him the chance. It’s all up to the jury. Said jury is a hive mind of Jerry Colonas. Maybe they’re convinced, maybe they’re just trying to indoctrinate more vessels to feed his majesty, the Jerry-rig. Whatever the reason, Daffy is grateful and vows to never paint another mustache. He’s got to keep up with the times, and fashion says beards are in!

Wait a minute! It didn’t say anything about fourth walls! HHEEAALLPP!

Favorite Part: Daffy pleading with the judge and remarking that he too might be a maniac someday. If I’m ever on trial, I’m going to try that.

Personal Rating: 3. Welcome aboard, the U.S.S. McKimson! We’ll be having plenty of chicken and visits to Australia!

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Buddy’s Lost World

“Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!”

Supervision by Jack King; Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Sandy Walker; Music by Norman Spencer. A Looney Tune released on May 18, 1935.

Buddy and Bozo are setting off on an expedition to find a lost world. If you know it exists, is it really considered “lost”? I ask because I care. I’m not the only one. Look at those crowds seeing the two off! They’re either well wishers or scientists. Yep. Definitely none of them are just happy to see Buddy leave and hopefully never come back. That would be a shame. And where’s Cookie?

After traveling for hours I guess, the two explorers spot land. Good thing, as a dog can’t live of human meat for long. Pro tip: bring something to eat when you plan to travel somewhere that probably doesn’t have a 7-11. After getting back to the soil, Buddy checks his map to confirm this is a lost island. He has a map of this place? So, no, it isn’t “lost”. Buddy is just trying to take credit for something the vikings already did. Considering what tomorrow is, do you still wonder why I chose this short?

Bozo starts to sniff and immediately finds a new type of creature that camouflages itself as humanoid footprints. It works great when actual footprints are nearby. Bozo is lucky he found the last of them! While following the fauxprints (Podiprintus incognito) Bozo walks between some fascinating tree trunks. I know I saw a similar gag in the Mickey cartoon “The Moose Hunt”. I’d be happy to call it a coincidence, if the sauropod didn’t start sniffing along after. This is an homage! And a scientific breakthrough! An extant madeupasaurus! The only thing bigger would be finding a live coelacanth.

As Bozo flees, it happens to come across the real inhabitants of this land: humans. Humans that still display some animalistic characteristics, such as burying bones. I wasn’t entirely sure if it was supposed to be a dog with a human face or not, until it refused to get a whiff of Bozo’s scent glands. (Hey, it looked like that was where Mr. King was going with this.) Bozo isn’t a thief, and tries digging up something for himself. The bone he finds still has a majority of its friends with it, and he ends up trapped in a rib cage.

Buddy to the rescue. (He’s been documenting plants.) Help the poor puppy out, would ya? Those whines sound too authentic to be funny. Once he’s taken care of it, Buddy finally catches sight of the human. Forgetting any trepidation he had earlier, Bozo gives chase. Turns out, running on all fours was the most natural way these people could have evolved. It not only makes them twice as fast, but keeps them from developing tools. The first step towards war.

The chase leads to a… chamber. Maybe it’s a hollowed out tree? And the primitive door keeps Buddy out. Not really understanding how doors work all of a sudden, Buddy just calls for the canine to come out. He… he can’t hear you. And excess noise is just alerting predatoooooors. Here we see another marvel of nature. A type of plant that grows in front of these entrances, and feeds on the ones who don’t get shelter. One organism gets fed, and the other gets rid of competition for mates. Perfect mutualism! Buddy is plant food. I’m sure some people are glad he finally found his purpose.

Evolution hasn’t really perfected this plant yet. Instead of having a chamber in which the prey can drown and dissolve, they just go straight to the roots. This works great if the roots come out under ground and the victim has no alternative to inhaling sediment, but this plant has been growing awhile and its roots are starting to poke out of a cliff face. Buddy peers down and sees the sort of lifestyle these primitive humans have. It’s a male dominated society, because hayes code forbid we get to see sexy, stone-age sluts. The hierarchy is built on some kind of rules: you’re either the mount or the rider during croquet. (Or if that effeminate voice is any indication, this is just the village of homosexuals.)

Buddy tries to climb down a tree trunk to get a closer look, but its a sauropod again. Good thing they are vegetarian, and more importantly, friendly. I want one. Having fun feeding an animal, (which really is fun, if not ethical) he doesn’t notice some people have taken notice. … Of him. He’s too busy showing off his superpower: the ability to completely disappear for half a second. It astounds those who can’t blink. The men plan to capture Buddy, and they have just the bait to lure him in: Bozo! They set him on a human-sized mousetrap, a human trap, basically,  and let his cries do the rest.

Buddy falls for it. Oh, I’m sure he would have recognized it as a trap if was smaller and not effective. Not a trap, basically. With the two caught: it’s time to eat them. You know, why do natives always want to eat new people? They obviously don’t fear them, or they’d just kill them and leave them alone. No, it’s always got to be a soup. Maybe they’re just susceptible to colds? Buddy doesn’t try to climb out, because that would be rude. All he can do is call for help and hope one of the nonexistent ladies will find him cute. It may sound kinky, but I’d also choose being a pet over a dinner. (Unless their killing method was fast and painless, of course.)

His cries find the ears of his dinosaurian friend. He’s grown considerably, given the scale he is to the dwellings. And look at that neck! It wasn’t that thick before. And now look at the bottom of the screen. Where did that rock come from? Is it the source of Buddy’s invis-ability? With the natives gone, Buddy’s animal friends shower him with kisses. I bet when he gets back to his boat, he’ll find a different plant ate it.

Favorite Part: When Buddy leaves on his journey. He doesn’t notice his boat is still tied to the dock, and it falls apart dumping everyone into the water. Yes, by “accident” I’m sure.

Personal Rating: 2. You can’t do much wrong with a lost world idea, but why focus on the humans? Why would humans even be there? Apart from the fact it ages more tastefully, there’s no reason the land can’t be Africa and the helper, an elephant.