Category: Minor Characters

If a character made between 2-4 appearances during the golden age, then their cartoons can be found in this category.

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Crow’s Feat

“You mad, Jose?”

Isn’t he too young to go kaboom?

Directed by Friz Freleng; Co-Director: Hawley Pratt; Story by John Dunn; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy, Virgil Ross, Bob Matz, Lee Halpern, and Art Leonardi; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on April 21, 1962.

It’s the return of Jose and Manuel I promised! But remember: I didn’t promise anything spectacular.

The two really are on route to Guadalajara this time, but flights are rough as they dare to fly at the same altitudes as airplanes. Or the planes are flying dangerously close to the ground. Bottom line: someone is flying at the wrong height, and it’s not me. It may be lazy, but I don’t fault them for hitching aboard the tequila flight, adopting their favorite lounge positions, and letting technology take them where they want to go. They may not sound or act like it, but they’ve got a bit of the crow’s natural intelligence.

They hop off early upon seeing what lays below them: corn! The San Franciscrow treat! Upon reaching the golden fields, they turn tail feather and run from their natural rival: a scarecrow. As is typical of those guys, he doesn’t give chase. Jose declares HE must fear THEM. Just to be safe, though, he tells Manuel to taunt it. Seeing them on screen together reveals that it’s a puny scarecrow. Or maybe their just crows of unusual size? Bottom line: someone is at the wrong scale, and it’s not me.

It is a familiar looking scarecrow, too. Jose recognizes him as that guy in the moving pictures who hunts Bugs Conejo. If you don’t fear what you don’t like, kill it. Manuel is very adapt at using sticks. For fun, Jose puts on the s-crow’s hat and pretends be that guy in the moving pictures. Since he doesn’t have as iconic a catchphrase as Bugs, he spouts some “What’s up, docs?”. If it looks like a hunter, Manuel will stick it to him. Oddly, they both know what scarecrows are, so why were they shocked one wasn’t chasing them? Have they been to Oz? Or did they also catch this at the drive-in:

Hey look! It really IS that guy from the moving pictures! Ironically, making his last appearance in them. The fact is lost on Jose who thinks the scarecrow just came back for a rematch. And what do you mean “You’re” gonna knock his stuffing out again? What have I told you about taking credit for Manuel’s accomplishments? He gets shot, and decides Manuel deserves the same treatment. He baits his buddy into getting closer by saying the scarecrow is disrespecting him. Since that guy is about to retire, he gets to be the clear-cut victor this week.

Disguises fail, and that guy is smart enough to make the two think he’s left the premises, so he can booby trap the stalks. The whole time, they still think he’s a scarecrow. If only he’d prove he’s not by talking. Jose ultimately decides to they should just resume their trip, as there are stupid scarecrows in Guadalajara. Is that just where we put all the stupids in the world? Then why are we allowing so many to run around free? Ethics, schmethics. It’s for everybodies own good. (And I could still blog there.)

They decide to make use of aeronautics again. Manuel says the thing they’re on now is a commercial plane. Any reason why you’d be asking Manuel to explain things, Jose? I thought you had the brains. They eagerly await takeoff, unaware that they’re sitting on a rocket ship. (Ah! Jose! Your eye is in your beak!) The film ends just as the countdown does, so we don’t get to see them die. It’s the only explanation for why they never got a third cartoon.

Favorite Part: Manuel calling Bugs his friend. It’s as cute as when a child says they’re friends with Elmo. Or when a 30-year old blogger claims the same with Porky. (Oh lord, am I really that age? I never intended to be.)

Personal Rating: 2

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The Wacky Worm

“My word! A bird!”

These are wonderful days!

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Cal Dalton; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on June 21, 1941.

Wack is back! Even though this is his first appearance. With how confusing I needlessly make my blog, who’s really the wacky one here?

There’s a bird that looks like the lovechild of a mynah bird and a flamingo. He’s a crow, though. The title promised a worm, and wacky or not, that’s his favorite dish. Unlike the majority of birds that hunt via sight, he can make do via sound as Wack has just begun a song. Obnoxiously stretching out a note. Why does it bother me here, but not there? Because Jones sounded more musical? Because I’m a terrible hypocrite? Maybe I’m just having a bad day?

The bird doesn’t just pluck him away in the middle of the song, which gives us time to look at his weird chin he now has. God did not mean for birds to have a chin. Please get rid of it. And remove those feathers growing out of your beak too. At best they look like feminine eyelashes, but they’re mostly just eyesores, and I hate them. Were you jealous that you couldn’t grow a mustache and glued some pubes on to fake it? And as for you Mr. Worm, I notice your little hairs on your head can’t decide if they’re green or black. And are you wearing pants? I’m really asking.

Wack runs, with a cute bit that has his upper body stretching away from his feet as he goes. Hope you find that funnier than Charlie Chaplin, because they’re going to reuse it a couple more times. He hides in an apple, but the bird knows that all he has to do to find him is watch for the one apple that moves. Turns out, they all do. The answer to this puzzle is to watch the apple that can’t “see” where it’s going. That’s the dead one worn by a worm.

Wack next hides in the junk heap that is always in the middle of forests. The bird thinks he’s been cornerd in a phonograph, but Wack turns it on and ruptures his ear drums. He’s going to be hunting from sight from now on. Wack also hides in a toaster, that can operate even plugged out. (That should be a term. Let me influence you.) One shouldn’t be surprised that only toast comes out of a toaster. It’s tasty, but lacks protein, and birds shouldn’t be eating bread anyway. I applaud the crow for spitting it out. Healthy choices make for healthy bodies, or so the theory goes.

Hiding in a bottle of rubbing alcohol is no different than hiding in the drinkable stuff. Wack is loaded. He comes back to battle the bird, worm to bird. He dares the bird to punch him, and gets that wish. Now with sense knocked back in, he runs again. He takes refuge in apples once more, but since the crow knows the secret to locating him, he has to stay still. There’s only one solution now: eating every apple to find him. What’s worse than finding half a worm in an apple? Starving.

It takes some doing, but the crow eats his way through almost every fruit on the ground. He looks ready to ralph, but it’s the principle of the matter by this point. And protein is still protein. He reaches for his prize, when a woodpecker’s pecking sends down a fresh wave of tree eggs. The phrase usually calls for grapes, but I think we can make do with sour apples being the reason why the crow finally calls it quits.

Favorite Part: Crow: “You’re inebriated.” Wack: “Ah, yes! Disguisting, isn’t it?”

Personal Rating: 2. One gets the feeling that Wack is designed to appeal to babies here. They sacrifice wordy jokes or humorous slapstick for shouting and bouncy movements. I’m glad that Wack’s sequel improved everything. And I stand by that description.

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The Lyin’ Mouse

“I’m the rip-snorton’est, Edward Ever (sic) Horton’est, Charles Laughton’est, and you ain’t heard nort’in’nest lion in the whole world!”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng. Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Ken Harris; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on October 16, 1937.

It’s a first for this series! A “Melody” without a musical connection! Maybe it should stay this way…

There’s a mouse caught in a mousetrap. Thanks to maybe Bernice Hansen, I can never tell ’tis a buck or a doe. Fate’s been decent to me lately, I’ll let him/her/it decide. They’ve decided female. Since our mouse can’t free herself, she has to shout for aid. Unfortunately, that just attracts attention, and a hungry cat arrives on the scene. Good thing he always keeps sandwich fixin’s in the nearest crate. As is well known, when someone’s about to die, it’s customary to make them a sandwich.

Since they’re just the framing device for the short’s meat, I’ll not bother with names. But I will give kudos to the cat for not removing the mouse from the mousetrap, lest she has a chance to escape. She tries to change his mind on dinner by agreeing to do him a good turn in return for not killing her. And I guess freeing her is part of the bargain. The cat isn’t convinced that she could ever be of use to him, as he’s never heard the famous fable that concerned a mouse getting spared by a lion, and managing to save its life in return.

The mouse tells the tale. There was a lion that was a real bass, as most lions are. He lived in an area that nature couldn’t decide if it should be savanna or forest. He just called it a jungle for simplicity’s sake. His reputation was fierce enough to frighten off all the other animals who lived in this wacky biome. Including a bird that somebody finally realized didn’t belong on their farm. I’m just going to ignore it hiding its head underground via distraction. Look at that flamingo. Judging by his pallor, he’s not getting enough shrimp. If only he knew if he belonged here or not.

The local mouse in these parts gets… I guess I need to determine its identity too. This one will be male. So, HE gets his kicks by blowing a horn that sounds just like a lion. The animals flee again, but this time, the mammals decide to run further towards what could be their doom. Is it that hard to survive in this scientifically inaccurate locale? Be glad it’s not a taiga/coral reef. The lion isn’t amused by the mouse’s mockery, but his attention is almost instantly caught by a delicious aroma in the air.

There’s a roast chicken just being wasted behind him. He tells the mouse to vamoose, as he’s not worth the effort. The mouse promises to help him someday. The lion goes to grab the roast bird. It’s sitting in the middle of a bear trap, so he’s immune. But the man who set the tap, Frank Cluck, put in a fail safe in case he found something other than bears in Africa: a mousetrap that bursts through the bird and pinches the lion’s nose. But he’s also immune from that killing him. Frank Cluck needs a new tactic.

The next trap is a lamb tied to a tree. The lion needs a name so I can stop calling him ‘the lion’ again. For fun, let’s also name the mouse he met. For a switch-up, the Mouse can be named Leo. Logically, the lion is now Scorpius. (Not that Musculus doesn’t have a nice ring to it.) He can tell this is another trap, and turns to leave, but the lamb is quite the salesman. Even though his signs are misleading; he is NOT mutton yet. Whatever, Scorpius is eventually convinced and grabs him.

Instant boxing glove to the face! Now dazed, Scorpius is at the mercy of Frank who hogties him. He takes his prize to the circus. Such a shame that Leo couldn’t hold up his end of the bargain. Scorpius, once a king over all he saw, has been reduced to mere entertainment for the masses. It’s really quite sad. Scorpius, though as awesome as the featured quote says, isn’t too tough to cry. And guess what? Leo is right outside his cage! I guess he witnessed everything after all! He gnaws a hole out for the big cat, and they flee into the night.

The original mouse ends her story here, before she has to relate the part where the two are hunted by the entire country, and ultimately shot before getting back home. Good thing things have worked in her favor, as this cat is also moved to tears. He releases her, and the title comes true if her “sucker!” is any indication. Good thing the cat can reuse the bread.

Favorite Part: The fact that the mouse laughs as she is mustard-ed for the sandwich. It’s darkly funny, and adorably messed up.

Personal Rating: 3

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Bosko’s Party

“I got a present… for ya, Honey.”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Larry Martin. A Looney Tune released on April 2, 1932.

It may rain, but Bosko has a sunny day in his heart on all days that have the letter ‘d’ in them. Even if that wasn’t the case, he has reason to feel glad when the sky feels gloomy: he’s going to a party! It’s not a party for him, despite how you interpret the title, it’s more like a party he threw together. That means it can legally be called his party as long as it’s not in honor of anybody else. So, what’s the occasion? It has to have a reason, even if it’s a “throwing a party for no reason” party. Actually it’s way better than that: it’s Honey’s birthday party! She’ll see him in court, but will probably lose as he’s the star around here.

While she gets ready for the day, Bosko and a whole bunch of her closest friends have already broken into her place to surprise her. Everybody is here! There’s that little dog that joins Bosko in the ending title cards; the only Oswald clone; Mickey clone #338; Wilber; and Pants Pig, second step-cousin to Piggy. And every one of them has got to hide if they want to surprise Honey, because here she comes! (Wilber? Please don’t take your pants off. It’s not one of those parties that needs the police involved.)

Wilber has a bit of trouble trying to find a good hiding spot; all his first choices are already taken. Since Bosko knows nobody will care if they can’t see him ever again, he sticks him under a flower pot. Once everyone is hid, Honey enters the room and… SURPRISE! Happy birthday Honey! Even though, you’re 2 1/2 max, we rounded up and got you a third candle for your cake. And we all chipped in an got you a present. Well, Bosko picked it out. Open it! Show us what it is!

Your dog? But you already have one of those. Bosko chases after the canine, but it ends up falling into the fancy aquarium. These are the kind of things that seeing will turn Honey’s stomach white. And there was never really any need to get mad at the dog, the present’s fine. It’s a ukulele! (Which means the five bucks I coughed up was wasted.) Might as well give it a test play, Bosko can accompany you on vocals. And Wilber is still stuck under the pot. Nobody has noticed he’s disappeared from the party, and I suddenly feel a kinship with the little guy.

He manages to escape, but immediately ends up caught in a mousetrap. Why would you have that set up when you invited mi-… oh wow. You guys are evil. He ends up falling into the cake, ensuring he now doesn’t have to share with the birthday girl. Wilber was the mastermind all along.

Favorite Part: Honey is about to get dressed, (Sexy negligee) when she breaks the fourth wall and sees us. She retreats behind a partition for privacy, but there’s a mirror in a perfect position. This is the most erotic cartoon of its day.

Rating: 2

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Gone Batty

“I don’t like you.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Sid Marcus, Ben Washam; Animation by Charles McKimson, Herman Cohen, Rod Scribner, and Phil DeLara; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on September 4, 1954.

Game day! Championship at that! Our home team is the Greenville Goons and their opponents, the Sweetwater Shnooks. (Sic.) The Goons are your typical Gashouse Gorillas style team. Big and oafish, permanent stubble, and smelling like trouble. The Shnooks (Sic.) take after the Tea Totallers in that they look like they’ll be eaten alive, chewed as cud, eaten again, and spat out like tobacco. But as the game gets going, we can see where the teams differ. The Shnooks (Sic.) can actually play. Sure, they’re a bit on the thin side and seem to dress like they think it’s still an age where they could play the mighty Casey, but they are capable!

The Goons also differ from their predecessors: They rely more on cheating. I had no doubt the gorillas weren’t good, albeit dirty, players, but I suppose since they were playing weaklings they just didn’t feel the need to break out the tricks until a silly rabbit entered the game. The Goons will run out of the stadium to catch home-runs, and aren’t afraid to use the bats on more than balls. The Shnooks (Sic.) could use a lucky rabbit to get the upper hand, seeing as its the final inning and they’re still yet to score any runs. This calls for a desperate measure.

They have a mascot, and due to their players getting knocked out, they’re going to use him. When I asked for a hint as to what thing it might be, they told me to think hyraxes and dugongs. No. It… it couldn’t be! But it is! My beloved baby! The bouncing, beautiful, bat boy himself, Bobo! Still as cute as I remember him! And finally gotten over his log carrying stigma. The Goons protest, but “There’s nothing in the rule book that says an elephant cannot pitch!” He looks a little nervous to actually be playing, but he gets the hang of things soon. Or should I say he gets the point? When a Shnook (Sic.) gives him a good poke, he can throw the ball far faster than human reflexes can hope to hit. And Bugs was also kind enough to teach him that slow ball trick. Still works.

But striking opponents out won’t get you any points. The real way to win at this game is to do the batting yourself. (Color changing bat.) Still a little unsure of himself, but he shouldn’t be. He’s packing more than wimpy horsepower! The balls he hits get enough kinetic energy to go through Goons hands. And as an elephant, he’s naturally smart. When he sees a ball is being loaded full of teeny T.N.T., he allows to catcher to live up to his profession. It’s time to bring out the big gun. A bazooka designed to fire more baseballs than the average player pitches in a standard baseball career. Do elephants have great reflexes?

Well this one does! He hits every ball right back, whence it came. No wonder the Goons resorted to cheating the whole game. They can’t catch a single ball out of the hundreds in the atmosphere? Actually, they can, but that single has enough force to force him underground. Reusing the “I got it gag” from “Baseball Bugs” but hardly near as funny. It all comes down to the final pitch. Thanks to that bazooka, the Shnooks (Sic.) are tied for first place. One more home run will net them the game! So how will the Goons try to prevent this?

Not as imaginatively as their bazooka. They resort to just tying Bobo to a stake. But simplicity often nets the best results and poor Bobo is stuck at home. If he loses, I’ll die! After the rest of my life occurs, of course. The Goons will die first. Time for another one of the incredible talents elephants naturally possess. Their trunks are quite stretchy, and creative liberties may have been taken, but I don’t care. Bobo’s trunk clears the bases, and since it’s a part of him, it counts! Shnooks (Sic.) win! Knew my precious Bobo was the best player that will ever exist, shut the game down now. Unfortunately, they couldn’t resist ending on the joke we all saw coming: he works for peanuts. Bleh. I hate peanuts.

Favorite Part: One of the Goons’ pitchers. Look at the literal arm cannon on Rodney Aran there! Reminds me of what you once saw in Fleischer cartoons and now see in “Cuphead”.

Personal: It can’t help but reuse gags from its superior predecessor, but there’s enough new here for it to stand on its own. And it has a cuter character! (Yeah, I said it!) 3 all around! What do you mean this was Bobo’s last appearance? Is he that similar to Dumbo? Disney’s lawyers are destroying any joy I had left in my sad, pathetic existence.

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Porky’s Naughty Nephew

“Uncle Porky? Uh, can I go swimming? Oh boy! Buy me an ice cream cone! When’s Christmas? Oh, can I go swimmin’? When’s the Easter Bunny comin’? Why? What? Oh, I wanna help on these things. How soon will we get there?”

Baby pigwets awe so cute!

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by Robert Cannon; Story by Warren Foster; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on October 15, 1938.

It’s the best kind of day. The day of the Cartoon Animal Outing. (If it also includes chocolate then I’m never leaving.) Porky’s going to be there, but his sister, (you know, the one who smokes hams?) has coerced him into babysitting. I’ve made it no secret that I don’t particularly care for children. They’re loud and stubborn and I can’t speak to them on an adult level. I’ve also made it very well known that I love pigs. And piglets are the cutest pigs can get. So what am I supposed to think of little Pinkie here?

Well, he’s got a bonnet. Minus five cute points. He’s got a wide, chubby smiling face. That’s good. He is voiced by maybe Bernice Hansen just slightly sped up, I’d wager. And he loves to torment his uncle. You’d think that’s the clincher, but no, I just can’t bring myself to say otherwise. He’s adorable! His widdle waugh! His chubby tummy! His “innocent” coos! I admit that he’s best in small doses, and it’s all for the best that he’d only make one more appearance after today, and then Cicero got the nephew gig, but for today, let me gush.

Porky barely gets settled for a nap when Pinkie’s misbehavioral impulses start up. He swats Porky with his plastic sand shovel, then leaps back into pure innocence before Porky can reprimand him. Porky decides to blame the only other kid he sees on the beach wielding a shovel. Porky, not very meanly at all, tells the squirt that he shouldn’t hit people with shovels and takes it away from him. The kid’s no novice at sand scooping, though. He has a backup. When Porky tries to take that one as well, he gets beaned by the kid’s biggest shovel. Wanna join the fun, Pinkie?

Pinkie grabs the shovel and takes a swing to defend his uncle’s honor, but the kid ducks and Porky is clobbered. Judging by the kids’ smiles, this was planned. Pinkie then heads to a body of water and pretends to be drowning. Porky, ever the caring sort, dives into about a foot and a half of water. And now a sea star is plastered on his face. Oh. I thought it was just a small pond. I’m kinda scared of how high the tides reach here. Pinkie apologizes for his antics, promises to behave from now on, and is rewarded with an opportunity to bury Porky in sand. Pinkie has a drivers license and permit to operate dump trucks, and Porky now looks ready for a luau.

Time for the real reason any of us came out here: the swimming race! Porky’s gotta win, cause he has me on his side, and that means he has America on his side! At the starters pistol, Porky jumps right in while every other contestant turns back to get some sort of cheating device. Now I really like Porky’s odds since I’m pretty sure I’ve read that the odds of cheaters winning is somewhere around the never mark. This also proves that Porky is the kind of sports hero we can all look up to. (Was that Mickey clone #673? I thought they were all dead by this point.)

All the cheaters have unique ways of getting ahead. A cervine has sails strung from his antlers, one birds rides a bike (pretty sure that would be a major handicap underwater,) and an ostrich’s long legs allow it to run, rather than swim. That’s the worst kind of cheating. In fact, I’d say the only other contestant trying to be honest and likable is celebrity guest Eddie Cantor. He willingly drops out upon his discovery of, at last, a buoy! (He pronounces it the British way to make the joke work.)

Pinkie’s been hiding in that buoy, and he’s got a real trick this time. One that could affect everybody in the race, but his only target is Porky. He loves his uncle almost as much as me. Clearly. It’s a simple enough prank. He’s going to wind up a toy sailboat, and claim that its a shark. The sails do sorta look like a dorsal fin, and once it submerges you can’t tell the difference. Pinkie’s warnings don’t fall on deaf ears, and Porky swims like he’s never swam before. He’s a regular sea pig! He wins the race, no problem, and Pinkie swims right along after, cackling with delight. When he tries to show off his awesome prank, he pulls out an actual shark. (How couldn’t he tell? How much silt is in that sea?)

Favorite Part: One of the contestants is a goose. Another is some goslings doing some competitive rowing. The goose evens its chances by eating the babies. Now they row for thee.

Personal Rating: I think it deserves a 3, but if you can’t stand Pinkie, you’ll probably demand it stay a 2. And that’s okay, but I can’t understand your reasoning.

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Plenty of Money and You

“It’s the bane of digestion, but that’s not the question…”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Animation by Cal Dalton and Phil Monroe; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on July 31, 1937.

Ah, my advice was taken to heart! These pictures will be merrily rolling along until the studio has to close. I’d wager that we have maybe 27 years until then. I’m very good at predicting events that predate me.

On your everyday poultry farm, (which, incidentally isn’t really yours.) you can expect to find the galliformes and anseriformes that always end up on your plate either before or after utero. Er, ovaro. One hen’s eggs are just hatching into adorable chicks. There’s yellow ones, and a brown one, a yellow and brown one, a yellow and gray one, and a black and white and gray one. Must be a first clutch, given how shocked she is to see new life emerge from rocks that exited her cloaca. Maybe she’s just shocked to find they were fertile after all? A rooster with a condom just can’t be trusted. And then the last egg hatches.

Add a tall one to the list. A stupidly tall one, even. Heck, an ostrich one! That’s an ostrich, that is. An stupidly tall one at that. Biggest extant bird or not, those hens should still be taller if he’s just hatched. It’s a bit of a shock, but we’re not going to do the whole “ugly duckling” story here. Just standard, stereotypical, animated ostrich fare. I.E., eating whatever he comes across. He spots a fish in the opposite yard, behind a fence. He tries for that. I… I never expected an animated ostrich to try and eat something actually edible. Too bad the hole he’s sticking his neck through is too thin for the fish to pass through to the crop. It gets away, and I’m a little sad.

He has better luck eating an auto jack that he finds after tumbling into the farm’s basement. I’d like to know who is owning these fowl and whether he or she knows what is running around. Anyway, now the little guy is trying for something that makes actual sense for him to eat: a worm. A worm that I swear fluctuates in size, but never mind that. It can sprout limbs! I don’t blame it for fleeing. Yeah, something’s trying to eat it, but that thing also has permanent bedroom eyes. I don’t like that. Chicks were never meant to have those!

The worm escapes, and the chick gets distracted by a living hose that has nothing else to do but squirt him in the eyes. He tries to eat this, and manages to get a good length swallowed before it turns itself on and gives him a reverse enema. He hides his head under the ground. And I’m not upset about it. You see, he just hatched today, so he’s uneducated but what’s more, he’s escaping something scary that was squirting his eyes. It makes sense to try hiding those in the nearest place you can. The downside of sticking your head in strange holes, is you never know if something is already living there. Like a giant weasel, per se?

This guy has my sympathy. I too long for a chance to try ostrich meat without actually having to travel. It’d be one of those once in human history miracles, like finding a significant other online, liking black licorice, or having Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse in the same movie. This is going to be dream feast. Oh, but what’s death without a last meal? The chick thinks those fireworks will do just as well. And since he’s now been stuffed, he’s ready for the oven. I forget, do fireworks ignite just with the heating of the area, or would gizzard juices render them useless?

Never mind. The cartoon just answered my question. Bringing a new literal meaning to projectile vomiting, the weasel’s dinner has become very volatile indeed. Never thought I’d see fireworks coming out of the ground, but I also never thought I was any good at writing. The weasel doesn’t die, but he’s lost his appetite. He angrily gives the mother back what’s hers. Look at that adorable hug! She’ll know how to soothe his angry tummy; mothers have these magical healing gifts.

Favorite Part: The weasel’s cookbook. It’s entry on ‘ostrich a la king’ equates to giving up and getting some Chinese. And check out it’s pelican recipe. Judging by the ingredients, it’s “road” island style.

Personal Rating: 2

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Crosby, Columbo and Vallee

“Yoohoo, Minniehaha!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Max Maxwell. A Merrie Melody released on March 19, 1932.

The natives aren’t happy. Seems there are three crooners around anymore and they’re attracting all of their *ahem* squaws. Oh, why should I feel uncomfortable watching this? Thanks to the lack of spectrum, you can’t prove these are supposed to be redskins. And really, they’re not even going to feature in the picture. Let them complain, the sourpusses. I’m going to follow the first grayskin I come across no matter how boring of a cartoon that turns out.

Target sighted. Mickeyhaha is the star now. And looking at that long moniker I just gave him, I’m already regretting every choice in my life. They all led me here! Takes me back to my first decision I ever made: whether or not to breathe. I chose wrong back then, too. Let me overreact! It’s the closest I’ll ever come to being a VA! Can you tell that this picture isn’t giving me a lot to work with? Light on plot AND humor. At least the title song is catchy enough.

Mick gets his girlfriend/girl friend, who I’ll call Minn for short. Or just Minn, because that’s even shorter. Mick’s got a radio to play which means they can dance to diegetic sound for a change. It just requires a spider to stand on it to power the thing up. Because the web looks like a cord? I won’t dwell on it because I’d rather do what I’m really good at: pointing out animation errors. Look! Disappearing feather!

Everything with a soul loves music, ergo, all the woodland critters that have come to join the fun. Including some kind of bear dog that goes as far as to give a Vallee impression. And I can hear a Crosby impression! Who wants to be Columbo? Anybody? Anybody at all? It’s an unsung honor. Well anyway, we need some sort of antagonist in this cartoon. Let’s think. What’s something everybody knows about, everybody instinctually fears, and if it’s ever represented in an animated work at all, starts out misunderstood by the other protagonists?

It’s fire all right. It’s always fire. The music gets the flames jumping out of their pit and all over the forest. There isn’t any casualties as far as I can tell, but three nestlings are stuck up a tree with no way to get down, sans gravity of course, but that way hurts. Mick gets some assistance from some fire flies, and I don’t mean *Dear future me, don’t forget to actually quote your post of “Joe Glow the Firefly“*. Using a stray spider web, they make a safety net for the birds. Too bad the fire still succeeds in singing their feathers off. Mick takes care of it by spitting on that one flame.

Well, the forest is still ablaze, and all the grayskins are probably going to end up homeless, but Mick feels he won, so the picture ends here. Happ-… Miser-… Ending. It’s an ending for sure.

Favorite Part: Be sure to actually look at the fores animals that gather to enjoy the music. One of them is Foxy! What a fun cameo!

Personal Rating: 1. They don’t do anything creative or fun with their chosen cast, it’s just a standard rubber-hose dance party. And I didn’t want to mention it, but Minn is topless the whole time. Nippleless, but still…

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Weasel Stop

“Help! Mountain lion! Bobcat! Coyote!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Ted Pierce; Animation by Keith Darling, Ted Bonnicksen, and Russ Dyson; Layouts and Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Music by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on February 11, 1956.

Quiet days are boring. They are in desperate need of a weasel to liven things up. I’m fresh out of weasels at the moment. Would a stoat do? Fine, fine. Don’t give me that eye roll look. McKimson’s crew are on the ball with their weasel character that my “Looney Tunes 300-piece Fantasy puzzle identifies as “Willy”. Not the worst name, but kinda makes him sound like a mascot for a pizzeria. He shouldn’t be anything to worry about because the local chicken farm has a barnyard dog on duty. The only problem? That’s not Barnyard Dawg.

What the crap? What happened? Where’s my beloved basset? Who does this poser think he is? Granted, there’s nothing wrong with giving the formula a little variety, but Barnyard Dawg is an established character by this point! You think audiences would have liked Chuck’s boys making another rabbit/duck season picture without Elmer? Even if it was good, it’d always be remembered as the freak short of the quadrillogy. I just want to know if there’s a reason, since Farmyard Doug never came back.

Well, dogs is dogs, and roosters are their natural pranksters. Doesn’t help that Foghorn is a little irritated to find the guy supposed to be protecting them from certain death is sawing logs. Whittling, that is. Doug loves his whittling. Foghorn blows the weasel alarm in his face, then sends him on a wild goose chase. Weasel chase, that is. Doug crashes into a fence that Foghorn painted a hole on, and the bird claims the whole thing to have been naught but a nightmare. Sure hope it was worth crying wolf. Weasel, that is. (I’m stopping now. I promise.)

And Willy tries to carry Foggy away. Despite the screaming, Doug can’t be bothered to get up. Maybe he doesn’t believe its really happening, maybe he’s glad it is. Foghorn manages to get free when he is dragged into a low-hanging branch. Now aware of what happened, he’s not worried. Despite Willy still trying to gnaw on him. Foghorn points out the little guy is after a good eating chicken, and that’s all the permission Willy needs. He goes after another one, but Doug wasn’t just whittling wood to waste it. He made a croquet mallet and ball, and sends Willy away.

Foghorn decides to help the weasel get even with the dog. And once the only thing keeping them safe is dead? Don’t bother with the details. Live for the moment! The plan is to send Willy floating via balloon, and drop a lit fire craker on Doug. (Hey, Foggy? The balloon string is going through your beak. Okay. You fixed it.) Doug isn’t caught unawares. He whittles his latest masterpiece: a single toothpick. Attaching that to a paper airplane pops Willy’s balloon and dreams. The mustelid lands on another board Doug was probably planning to carve into a clothespin, flinging the rock it was setting under up. Doug lights his explosive for him, Willy’s snout changes color, and gravity and the rock send weasel back to rooster for the explosive finish.

The two then sneak about in haystack disguise, carrying miscellaneous weapons. Before they can really do anything with them, Doug uses his new greatest work, a wooden hand, to turn on the hay baler. (Foghorn, buddy, now that the hay is gone, I can see your foot going through your cannon. Stop that.) After the ride, the two are stripped of their respective coats. So what’s plan C? Oh, wait. The cartoon is ending here. Okay.

Favorite Part: I like the way Willy says “Yeah.” It’s his only dialogue, but it displays more character than Doug has.

Personal Rating: 2. The team-up doesn’t start until the picture is 2/3 done, the ending gag was pretty weak, and Doug reacts too calmly to things. I think that’s why I prefer our usual Dawg. He really feels like a living, breathing, rooster-pounding animal.

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Let it be Me

“Oh, Mr. Bingo!”

Supervised by Isadore Freleng. A Merrie Melody released on May 2, 1936.

Mr. Bingo is the talk of the town. All the hens huddle around the recording studio where he sings, and the radio where his sings come out. Even the married ones can’t help but fawn over the guy, much to their husbands anger. Much like a later picture, the guy looks like Crosby in voice only. At least here he isn’t being portrayed as coward. Just a cock. He knows the ladies love him, and he’s happy to let them destroy each other to get a hold of the boutonniere he throws their way. (After watching him walk for ten seconds. Gives us plenty of time to be attracted as well.)

Well, we’ve all had our celebrity crushes, right? (Mine was Tara Strong.) What’s important is that you come to the understanding that they will never know you exist and go about finding someone you actually have a chance with. I think that’s what’s going on through Emily’s head. She’s making her first appearance and unlike the second time, she talks with that (maybe not even) Bernice Hansen voice that makes her sound 15 years younger than she probably is. She has a guy interested in her named Lem, and I think the feeling is mutual. Good to see she wasn’t always so shallow.

Speak of the crooner! Mr. Bingo is driving by and he likes what he sees. Those breasts! Those legs! It’s what catches my attention on a chicken, that’s for sure! He invites her to come along with him to the city, much to the jealousy of Lem and that patch on his overalls that can shrink. (Why do some of the other birds in this cartoon walk around in the feathered nude? Are they the ones we get to eat?) Now, if those two really were a couple, then Lem really should understand that if a lady can upgrade you, she will. There goes Emily. Good-bye Emily.

Mr. Bingo has taken her to a party. There’s plenty to drink and he offers his new friend some. Maybe he wants her drunk, maybe offering her some is the gentlemanly thing to do. Emily is hesitant, and when she indulges, she finds it too strong for her. There is a singer at this party, and if the rules of this universe apply to her as well, I’m guessing her name is Ms. Fifi-o. Mr. Bingo likes what he sees and when Emily points out what a dick move this is, he has the waiter remove her. Stuck in a city without a ride home, Emily has no choice but to adapt. She makes ends meet by selling flowers on a very familiar street corner…

Good old faithful Lem! Even though his lady friend threw him aside like yesterday’s chicken feed, he still worries about her, cares for her, and keeps the picture she gave him. Since he’s not stalking her, I find the whole thing very romantic. But the biggest thing on his mind is Bingo. Just hearing that guy on the radio is enough to get Lem angry enough to march down to his recording studio and beat the gravy out of him. (And because of this, celebrities will always have protection from here-on out. Thanks, cloaca-hole.) It’s pure happenstance that he comes across Emily immediately after, but they look genuinely happy to see each other again. I support it.

Some time later, Lemily, as we should call them has started up a family. Things seem perfect, but one chick starts to sing like Bingo! No idea where they picked up that habit! (Surely, he’s old hat by now. Old shoe even!) Doesn’t matter how they learned it. Daddy is still triggered by it and throws his book at the chick. I’m sure her bones aren’t that fragile, anyway.

Favorite Part: It might be something that I’m reading way too deep into, but I like the reaction Bingo has when Emily can’t handle the liquor. Maybe he’s realizing she’s too immature for him? If I’m right, that was some great and brilliantly subtle example of showing. NOT telling.

Personal Rating: 2. I could see some people finding it a little too mean, but really, throwing away a good stable relationship for someone you barely know is worthy of a little punishment, right?