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Claws for Alarm

“Tell me Sylvester; I-is there in-insanity in your family?”

Directed by Chuck Jones

Porky and pet, (Sylvester) come to a run down ghost town. Most people would call the place “creepy” or “unsettling” but not Porky. He calls it “Peaceful.” He decides they’ll spend the night at an inn. Whilst entering, there are evil eyes watching them. Sylvester is spooked by these and the shadow of a spider. (Porky doesn’t notice the eyes, but he makes me love him even more for saying arachnophobia is silly. I LIKE spiders!) Inside, there appears to be no one awake. Porky just decides to sign in himself. He fails to notice the moose with the noose above him. Sylvester shoves him out of harm’s way. Porky, not having noticed the danger, scolds him.

He leaves to go upstairs unaware that the noose moose has upgraded to a gun moose and takes aim. Sylvester saves him yet again by stealing the gun that fired. Porky assumes Sylvester is still to blame. While trying to sleep Porky doesn’t notice the Wile E. Coyote-esque mouse who tries to kill him. Sylvester does, and keeps saving his owner’s hide, despite the anger the oblivious Porky shoots at him. Sylvester eventually gets ahold of a gun the mice were using and guards Porky all night. Come morning, Porky declares that he feels so rested, they’ll stay at least a week more. Sylvester knocks him out, carries him to the car, and drives off. Not noticing the killer eyes behind the dashboard. (What is those mice’s problem?)

Personal Rating: 3

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The Windblown Hare

“Ah! There’s the straw house. Just like the book says.”

Directed by Robert Mckimson

Another year and that means another update. From now on, I list the directors.

The three little pigs are reading their story and find out their dwellings are doomed. They decide to sell the flimsy homes and all live in the brick house. Bugs comes by and decides to buy the hay home. (Despite the fact, he thinks $10.00 is a ripoff.) The wolf comes by, also following the book. He blows the house down much to Bug’s annoyance. Learning his lesson, he decides to buy a sturdier home. Like one of wood. The pigs laugh that he fell for it again, and leave together. (Also Red and Yellow switched shirts for whatever reason.)

When the wolf blows this new house down , Bugs decides it’s payback time. He dons a red riding hood, and tells the wolf to read that story. He does and realizes he’s late, runs to Grandma’s house and kicks her out. (Being too busy to eat her. Which she expects.) Bugs comes in and mentions how “her” certain features are bigger than normal. Adds proof by abusing the lupine. The wolf realizes he’s not Red (The girl, not the pig from earlier.) and Bugs refuses to give him the present he brought. Wolfie begs, and Bugs shoves the cake in his face.

A brief chase (including the gag where two people on stairs continuously switch the lights on and off) and the wolf is beaten. Bugs finds out he was trying to bother the pigs and decides it’s “Payback time part 2: The revenge of the Rabbit.” The wolf says he can’t blow down bricks, but Bugs makes him try. The pigs laugh as they know its fruitless. The wolf tries and succeeds, to his and the pigs amazement. Correction: Bugs helped. With dynamite.

Personal Rating: 3

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Robin Hood Daffy

“Ho! Ha Ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!”

Before we begin, I’m reminding you of the fact that this site’s birthday is this Saturday and it will be 3 years old. Every year I try to make an improvement to my posts. (Such as adding pics. and videos) This time I’ll also start to note who directed the short. Now then…

The credits are attached to arrows that hit their targets with impeccable grace. No wonder. The archer (Daffy) was firing from 2 ft. away. He sings about being Robin Hood before tripping into a pond. A friar (played by Porky) laughs at his misfortune. Daffy aims to silence him with his quarter staff. (Actually, its a buck and a quarter-quarter staff, but he’s not telling him that.) The first time he smacks himself in the bill and the second time, he is bested by Porky who sends him into the drink.

Porky finally gets a grip on himself and asks the “clown” he just met if he knows Robin Hood’s whereabouts. He wishes to join him. Daffy happily tells him his quest is over, but Porky refuses to believe someone this hilarious could be the legend of Sherwood Forest. Daffy claims he will prove his story by robbing a good candidate for the ugliest cartoon character ever, and giving it to some poor undeserving slob. (I love his standards.)

He aims an arrow but only fires himself. In a bit of a legendary gag, he swings from a tree to hit many more trees. Angered he chops them down, and smacks into a boulder. Eventually he launches a huge arrow at the rich pers-… thing, but it sails under him and makes a path to the castle he was headed to. Porky is still not convinced but that’s okay. Daffy has given up trying to prove anything and becomes a friar himself. (I hope Porky isn’t too sad, when he never finds Robin Hood.)

Personal Rating: 4

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An egg Scramble

“Th-Th-There’s nothing embarrassing about a hen laying an egg!”

This short takes place on the same farm Porky had in “Swooner Crooner.” He goes to his hens to gather eggs. (He abandoned the conveyor belts for more natural means) One hen named Prissy, (making her debut here) doesn’t lay eggs out of embarrassment. (If people laid eggs, would that be considered private? And what’s wrong with me asking that?) Porky tells her that it’s an egg, or her head. The other hens laugh as they believe she is too old to accomplish such a feat. This makes Prissy determined and she gets to work.

The others decide to play a trick and put one of their eggs in her nest. Prissy falls for it and happily hands out cigars and shows Porky the fruits of her labor. When Porky asks for the egg, she refuses. Porky takes it anyway and give it to a truck bound for the grocery store. Prissy follows. In the store, she is thrown out for throwing the eggs out of the… bins? That’s not American.  Refrigeration was around!

Anyways, Prissy does find it in the home of a relatively hot blonde. Despite clearly seeing the name on the egg, she attempts to boil it. Prissy keeps turning the stove off until the woman catches her, forcing the hen to flee. Meanwhile, Porky goes to the police to see if they can help find his bird. They’re too busy for that though. They are extremely close to catching this short’s criminal, Pretty Boy Bagel. Prissy find herself in his hideout and alerts him to the cops. He hurls bricks at them. (Prissy believes he’s defending her.)

The cops finally get both of them out with a tear gas bomb. Porky has Prissy back and at home, threatens her for the egg once more. Prissy refuses until the other hens reveal that she never laid the egg. Depressed, Prissy drops the egg and turns around just in time to miss it hatch. Into a mini-her. Awwwwww

Personal Rating: 3

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Bye, Bye Bluebeard

“T-That old bluebeard can’t scare me. Much.”

While doing some eating “exercises” Porky is tormented by a mouse that apparantly has been bothering him for quite some time. After chasing the rodent off, Porky hears on the radio that a psychotic killer, (named Bluebeard) is at large. He boards up his house only to find the killer is already in his house! Or a mouse dressed up like a murderer. (Anyone else see it?) Porky begs for his life and offers the psycho anything in exchange for his life. The mouse likes the idea of a steak dinner.

As he is pleasing his “guest” Porky gets more info on the killer. Apparently he’s 6 feet eleven inches. Not 3. Porky chases the mouse intending to finish him off, but finds the real Bluebeard instead. (What was he doing? Lying under Porky’s table? Why? Was it more comfortable than standing?) He ties Porky to a missile and goes to eat the food. (Porky meanwhile, continuously pulls the fuse out of the missile, lengthening the time limit by precious milliseconds.) The mouse not wanting to lose food that technically WAS made for him, harasses the guy. (Probably the most pies in the face you’ll ever see in a Looney Tunes short.)

The mouse gets away and noticing Porky still isn’t dead, Bluebeard makes a guillotine. The mouse decides to help and right before Porky is about to become diced, announces that Bluebeard’s meal is ready. Bombs, or as Bluebeard assumes: Popovers.  Realizing what he ate, he rushes to the medicine cabinet and makes a concoction. (In the cabinet we see such things as: uch, alky haul, Frizby mixture, McKimsons solution, Ted Pierces medicine, Jones laxatives, and Maltese minestrone. Yum!) He takes his tonic but blows up anyway. Now safe, Porky and the mouse are now eating buddies. (I’m giving the mouse a name too. Henceforth he shall be known as Cheeseball.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Daffy Duck slept Here

“B-B-Bunes noches.”

Porky is having trouble finding a hotel. Apparently there is a convention going on. (D.O.P.E.? Um, lets assume it stands for: “Double Oysters. Preferably Everywhere.”) Hotels are so busy that there’s a line of people waiting for hotels that are yet to be open. One man at a hotel carefully places a sign that announces a vacancy. A tidal wave of people try to make it in, but my boy Porky snags it. The catch? He’s staying with someone else in one room. In the room he spies a picture of his roomie. (Daffy) He assumes that he is a very level-headed character. (He don’t know him very well, do he?)

Porky attempts to rest. At that point, a drunken Daffy returns singing about Hymie. Who is Hymie? An invisible, 6 ft. kangaroo. Porky won’t believe this, even when it is proven to be true. (Or it’s just Daffy being Daffy.) They attempt to share a bed, but Daffy constantly torments Porky by asking dumb questions, spilling water on the bed, snoring, and putting his cold feet on Porky. Not able to stand it, Porky shoves Daffy in a pillowcase and throws him out the window.

Daffy returns later and aims to get revenge. He puts up a false scene in the window and makes a drowsy Porky think his train is leaving. Daffy pulls the shade down after Porky leaves, claiming it too gruesome to watch. Imagine his surprise when he hears a whistle and looks out to see Porky leaving on the train. Daffy comments on how silly the situation is: He didn’t get Porky any magazines to read on the trip.

Personal Rating: 3

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Porky Pig’s Feat

“Insulting my integrity, eh Fatso!?”

At the “Broken Arms Hotel” Porky is looking over the bill. It costs $152.50. (Dang. If only that were possible today!) He doesn’t have the money, but that’s okay. His (platonic) partner, Daffy, is cashing a check. Or rather, he’s gambling. And he loses it all. He slumps back to the room and hears the manager say he hopes Daffy will have the cash. Insulted, Daffy runs in and shouts several things into the managers face. He challenges Daffy to a duel. More angry, Daffy also challenges him to a duel with a horse shoe full glove.

Down for the count, Daffy grabs Porky, their luggage and runs to the elevator. The manager (I’m calling him Chubs) somehow made it down to the ground floor first, and marches them back to their room. He also says that they will never leave until they pay. Daffy pulls the rug out from under him and he rolls down an eternity of stairs. That doesn’t stop him and he runs right back up. Daffy tries the rug trick again, but Chubs pretends to fall, as to lure Porky and Daffy back out. Daffy finally agrees to pay.

The cost has gone up to include the damages. ($500.62. Still, not bad for today.) Daffy hits him on the head and a chase scene ensues. Chubs chases them to a door, that has endless doors between it and the room. (Plus an Avery-esque sign.) Porky makes a rope and they slide down the window. (Daffy stopping to whistle at a hot chick in a magazine.) At the bottom, a random hand gives Porky a hotfoot. (Who was that? Chubs? Frank Tashlin? Sewer James?) Pokry leaps back up in pain knocking him and Daffy back to their room. (But not before Daffy ogles the woman again.)

Soaking their burned bodies, they find Chubs finally caught up to them, and they make a rope that can swing this time. They end up in another building that Chubs somehow got to, and he swings them back to the “Broken Arms”. Then he barricades them in their room. Months go by and Daffy and Porky are starting to go nuts. (Porky is pretty forgiving, since this is all his platonic partners fault.) I assume they got food, and Chubs is torturing them. He knows they have no money. (Hey look. “Porky loves Petunia”! Adorable!)

Porky suggests that Bugs Bunny could help them. Daffy calls him his hero. (I guess he was a fan until Bugs stole the spotlight.) They call Bugs and ask for help. After suggesting all the things they already tried, Bugs reveals he knew they wouldn’t work. He’s trapped in the next room. (Only appearance in a b/w short, and first time onscreen with Daffy. That’s history in the making!)

Personal Rating: 4

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Pigs in a Polka

“I’m the smart little pig. I build my house of bricks.”

How about another “Fantasia” parody? (Can’t ever have too many!) Set to Brahms “Hungarian Dances”, we see the familiar tale of the big, bad wolf, andthethreelittlepigs. The first pig has the most adorable voice. (Thank you, Sara Berner) He stretches out a wire frame and piles straw on it. Done. The second pig is less adorable and builds his house of matchsticks. It collapses. The third pig is not cute. (Sorry, Blanc) But he is worthy of the intelligence pigs possess. He works hard while his (siblings? friends? love interests?) play. Cue dancing wolf. To get closer without them running, he dons a gypsy disguise. The pigs follow. They fell for it.

PSYCHE! They take his costume and do the dance themselves. Now the chase is on. They run to the straw house. The wolf sets it on fire. They run to the still demolished (match) stick house, and rebuild it as fast as they can. The wolf adds one more and it crumbles. Brick house it is! The wolf tries to blow it down, and is only offered mouthwash for his troubles. He goes to run into the door to knock it down, but the pigs open it up and let him run through the house into the back door.

Later the pigs are happily dancing. (Except for the third one. Spoilsport. He needs a name. They all do. So in order… Crunchy, Pancake and Mel) The wolf is outside dressed as a homeless woman in a snowstorm. (A talcum powder dispenser hanging over his head.) Crunchy and Pancake ignore Mel’s warnings and let “her” in. Mel finds out that the wolf has a record in the dress to make it SOUND like he is playing a sad violin song. Flipping it over gets a new song that the wolf dances his disguise off to.

The pigs run up the stairs to the suddenly existing 2nd floor. They take the elevator back down. The wolf does the same, but instead of another lift, he travels down the shaft (passing by ten stories somehow) and lands hardly. (Mel’s full name is Mel C. Escher)

Personal Rating: 4

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Pigs is Pigs

“And please, could we have alots of ice cream, tonight?”

I remember when I first watched this. I had just got done killing off a case of the munchies, and decided to keep watching that Looney Tunes DVD set I got for my birthday. Turns out irony can be delicious too.

Our short shows a house full of happy piglets. For the most part. One piglet, Piggy (no relation to the other W.B. character named that,) doesn’t want to play. He’d rather obsess over food. Sniffing some pies his mother made, he grabs one, spins it on his finger and eats. He attempts to do this with the other, but is caught. She scolds, but her words fall on hungry ears and he just goes back to fantasizing.

Later, it is dinner time. Piggy’s favorite time. Mom says they must all say grace, but they pray instead. (Laugh. I’m funny.) During this, Piggy ties all the spaghetti strands together. As soon as the grace is over, he digs in and slurps down the rest of the family’s supper, to his mother’s anger. The next day, he is invited into the house of some creepy, yellow, hiccuping, bald guy with the voice of Billy Bletcher. (Pete the cat, Henrey Bear, etc.) He offers him a feast and Piggy happily sits down to eat. Oh no! It’s a trap! He is strapped into the chair, and a clamp clamps his snout. The mad man is going to give him all the food he can handle, and then some!

First course, soup. (Red pea soup? Oxtail soup?) A water wheel made of spoons, paddles into his forced open mouth. He has bananas shot down his throat and a gumball machine doling out olives as fast as he can be forced to swallow. Next, ice cream. Bellows puff air through the cone and launches the ice cream into his head. (What a waste of cones.) Time for the main course! A sandwich the size of a mattress! (First use of Freleng’s “Hold the onions” gag.) He is forced to chew it, and then for dessert he is fed pies (spun like the way he ate his mother’s) from a pie-a-trope.

After a montage of all this repeating, the piglet has become a ball of food inside a bag of skin. The man lets him go, but tells him he’s not half full. Piggy goes to leave, but can’t resist a turkey leg for the road. He takes a bite and blows up. Wow. That was morbid.

Okay okay, he wakes up. It was all a dream. And what does he do now that he’s safe at home? Eat breakfast of course.

And after I finished watching for the first time, I decided to go eat more too. I’m an American and therefore, I can eat pure fat like it’s carrot sticks.

Personal Rating: 5

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Porky and Teabiscuit

“They’re off! Yes, sir they’re off in a doud of clust! Err a cloud of rust! Er a bust of crust!… Ah, there they go.”

In this short Porky is just a kid. (Or maybe a teen? He can drive and is eligible for a horse race. I have no idea how old you’d have to be.) His father, Phineas Pig (and the one who gave Porky a stutter) tells him to take some feed down to the racetrack, and bring back $11.00. Porky is excited as he LOOOOOOOOVES racing!

After delivering the food, he watches an auction. An old guy asks him for the time. He is hard of hearing and Porky has to yell that it’s eleven. Just as the auctioneer is asking for that exact amount. Porky apparently bought a rope. What a ripoff. But wait! There is something at the end of the rope. A real Racehorse. No, not the beautiful creature Porky admires, but a sickly, frail, equine named Teabiscuit. (He looks like an underfed camel.)

Porky can’t believe his rotten luck. Luckily, there is a race, and after deducting prices, the prize would be eleven bucks. Porky goes to get ready and TB wanders around. He seems to really enjoy a trombone being played in a band. Just then, a child’s balloon pops and sends the horse running back to the stables, where Porky is waiting. (He somehow got a uniform. Probably killed one of the weaker jockeys.)

They race, but it is obvious they aren’t exactly the racing type. (Heck, I doubt they’re the plowing type either.) Things get more complicated when Teabiscuit watches the trombone again. Porky tries to get him to move, but can’t compete with the siren’s song. Another balloon pops and scares the horse so bad, that he runs so fast and actually wins. He gets scared again by the victory photo camera flashes, and runs to his best friend for comfort: the trombone. He plays “Good Evening Friends” to end us off.

Personal Rating: 3