Big Hearted Bosko

“Bruno, where are you?”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Rollin Hamilton. A Looney Tune released on March 5, 1932.

Really, that doesn’t sound too healthy. Is it like a tumor? Or maybe he just has bad cholesterol or-OH! It’s meant figuratively! And here I thought it might be a clue as to why we don’t see Bosko much anymore.

As I’ve stated many times before, I don’t get the love for the cold. So I really can’t fathom why Bosko would want to be outside in it. (I guess it really doesn’t bother him any. He’s not wearing anything different than his usual get-up.) Bruno has tagged along for this trip, and the two spend some time skating on ice. (They have the whole pond to themselves as nobody else seems to want to skate on ice that has large holes in it. Cowards.)

Okay, sure. Bruno nearly falls in a couple of times, but that doesn’t mean he will-oh, d*mn it. Bruno! How are we to enjoy your escapades if you end up in the death water? I suppose you best be saving him, Bosko.

Bosko is afraid he is too late, as his dog doesn’t surface. He’s fine, though. He comes out via a frozen log. Angry that his dog could have actually died, Bosko throws a stick in frustration. A stick? Bruno loves those! He goes to retrieve it. The stick landed next to a basket, and there must be something inside because noise is coming from within. (It’s a little known fact, but baskets don’t make noises.) This is clearly a job for a man! Or better yet, a talk-ink kid! We’ve got one of those! Bosko is hesitant, but he takes a peek. Why, it’s a baby! Whoever left it out here to die is long gone, but Bosko won’t be viewed any better if he just leaves it. Better adopt the child. It’s what Jesus would do.

At home, the baby continues to wail despite Bosko’s violin playing. (Yeah, I’m not surprised this kid was left to freeze.) The only thing that seems to cheer it up ever so slightly, is a frustrated Bruno being unaware that the seat he is taking is a hot stove. (Clever way of dousing the flames. Pouring the water IN his body. Haven’t seen that method. I should try it on this spare cat I have.) Obviously, burning dogs is something even Satan wouldn’t stoop to, so we need an alternative plan. Music didn’t work before, maybe we should try it again.

Hey, what do you know, that seems to be working! (I guess the child just hates violins and flutes. All the cool babies listen to piano music.) Bruno even decides to keep being entertaining, and puts a lamp shade on like a skirt. Even Bosko’s dinner squawks a note. (Chop the freaking head off, man. What’s the matter with you?) Yes, I think this family just might work out after all. Even if Bosko’s dancing has ended with him getting his head stuck in the fish bowl.

Favorite Part: When Bosko asks the kid what the matter is. Surprisingly, the kid responds. It’s “Crying for the Carolines.”

Ups ‘N Downs

“On your marks!”

Supervision by Rollin Hamilton and Paul Smith. Music by Frank Marsales. A Looney Tune released in April, 1931.

If you know me, (and I doubt you do, as nobody talks to me) then you’ll also know that I’m not fond of those ugly color remakes of old cartoons. There is nothing wrong with black and white. I think it adds character! Anyway, the reason that I have included one of these atrocious retreads, is because the ending got tweaked! I figure for the sake of being thorough, I have to give you the option to watch it if you choose to. (I’d rather you didn’t. If you choose to, please be honest. It feels wrong to be disappointed because of a lie.)

A whole paragraph and still yet to get into a plot summary. It’s race day! I can’t say for sure if such things attract the kinds of crowds this short suggests, because I’ve never attended one. (It takes away time I could be spending watching more cartoons. You can see the bind I’m in.) As is typical of extremely early Looney Tunes, Bosko is also there. He’s a hot dog vendor. (It’s not the only time he took this career up.) Despite the name, (or maybe because of it) a dog comes to partake of his wares. Sadly, the sausage he bites has blackface. (“Race” day! Not “Racist” day!) The good news is that the two recognize each other as long-lost family members and they skip off together. (I’m sure the next week at most will be the best of times.)

Back to those crowds. The… cow on skates on the railroad track (I just had to type that. *sigh* “You love cartoons. You love cartoons!”) is carrying excited patrons over. (Including a couple more Mickey clones. Numbers 86 and 602 to be precise.) Some of whom are so excited to see some horse v horse action that they are sneaking in. (More clones? I guess these are numbers: 655, 710, 522, 327, 716, 349, 579, 601, 32 and 700. In case you’re wondering, there were 782 total clones of Mickey Mouse made before Disney finally put a stop to it. The majority of them inbred with each other and this indirectly led to the birth of the Minions. I never saw their movie, but I’m sure they told you the exact same origin story.) Back to business!

Bosko is also a participant in the race. The competition looks tough. These jockeys are the to horse racing, what soccer moms are to parenting. How can a simple purveyor of processed meat snacks ever hope to stand a chance competing with those guys? Cheating of course! Bosko has a mechanical horse which he hopes can help him stand a chance. But it still won’t be easy. (Especially if the large bully-type you always see in these type of stories has any say. Wouldn’t it be an interesting twist if there was a sports story where the opponents were good sports who wished the best of luck to their opponents? It’d send a good message to the children.)

After a bit of a shaky start, Bosko manages to make his way through the ranks (even passing clone # 766) to second place. Thanks to support from his biggest fan. (You see, it’s funny because said fan is a hippo.) If Bosko is going to cheat, (and it’s not like he’s hiding it) then so will the first place bully. Spitting at his competition doesn’t do much more than switch their positions. (I didn’t know Bosko could carry his mount. Those rubbery arms are much stronger than they appear.) So he moves up to an actual grenade! Here is where the cartoon splits into different endings, depending on whether or not you are watching in color. Choose your own ending!

If you are a purist and are watching the original, go to pg. 23. (You sound like my kind of guy/gal!)

If you are a traitor to my beliefs, and chose to watch the color crap, turn to pg. 46. (You make me sad.)

If you prefer to live the rest of your life living in suspense, and don’t want to choose, you might as well close the book and go outside. (What are you even doing on my website?)

Pg. 23 The grenade does blow up and turn Bosko’s horse to pieces, but they reform upon hitting the ground. Using the horse’s extendable neck, Bosko wins the race.

*Where are they now: After winning the race, Bosko finally proposed to Honey. The two moved to Alberta, Canada, and went on to father Bosko Jr., Musky Joe, and the child formerly known as Hannibal. The horse went into retirement and spent the rest of it’s days at a penny arcade. It would spring into action one more time. The bully character fell into obscurity and tried to pass himself off as Peg-leg Pete. Nobody fell for it.

Pg. 34 You wake up to find your whole life has been a dream. Nothing is how you remember it, and the person you thought would love you forever is just a roast ham. (And it’s starting to smell) I’d recommend trying for a better ending, but the rest of the story was also part of said dream, so I guess you are pretty much stuck. Why not look around here? Lovely place.

*Where are they now: You lost the game (or book as it were) and didn’t know what to do with yourself. If you had a genie, you might have some sort of starting point, but you don’t and the best you can hope for is working at McDonald’s for the rest of your life. As for the race, the winner was Jackie the jaunty, jockey with jaundice and her horse, Johnny. They later appeared on a box of Wheaties.

Pg. 46 I can’t believe you actually wanted to watch that color crap. I thought we were friends! Ugggggghhhhh! What happens here, is the grenade DOES destroy Bosko’s horse, but the explosion catapults him forward [looking at physics equations] not sure how that works, and knocks bully guy off his horse. Bosko rides it to victory.

*Where are they now: Bosko may have won the race, but the horse was another participants. So it was decided to be a draw. Bosko then began selling out and endorsing all sorts of terrible products, sacrificing his relationship with Honey. When he lost all his money due to various lawsuits, he had no one to turn to and started drinking. His depression hit a high point when his offer to cameo in “Who famed Roger Rabbit” was declined. The Bully actually lived quite comfortably and wrote the best selling book “Horse racing to victory: How you too can make it big on the racetrack!” It has been at the top of the New York Time’s best seller list for 88 years now. The robo-horse died. Nobody came to mourn him.

Favorite Part: The Bully heaving a grenade at Bosko. He went from 0 to whatever the max was, pretty fast.

*I hope I don’t have to tell you I made this up.

Bosko at the Beach

“Is there a lifeguard in the audience?”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Rollin Hamilton; Music by Frank Marsales. A Looney Tune released on July 23, 1932.

What does a character like Bosko do at the seaside? The occupation many black and white toons tried their hands at: hot dog vendor. (Like all toon food, the wieners are still alive. I’m sorry, but I don’t fancy the idea of chewing on something that wiggles. Jiggling is fine) These must be some dang, fine sausages as the local wildlife beach themselves just to get a taste. No, wait. The octopus and seahorses were only coming ashore to pretend to be a carousel. They are then ridden by some clams. (I wish I could say the self sacrifice was worth it to make those mollusks smile, but they ditch their shells to ride! They will all die! At least the gulls will have a good time.)

And where would a hot dog purveyor be without an actual dog? Much like Mickey had Pluto, Bosko has Bruno. And wouldn’t you know it? He makes the five appearance rule! Let’s do a quick learn about him, shall we?

Bruno

If possible, Bruno had less personality than Honey, because he was only a dog. He didn’t even speak.

That was fun.

This beach doesn’t seem like MY ideal lounge spot. Bruno steps on a nail! It’s hard to enjoy ones self with lockjaw, but I suppose with the right attitude, anything is possible. Bosko is kind enough to remove it from his dog, but doesn’t bother disposing it correctly. He just tosses it on the ground. (I’m sure it will find a nice home. Little children love to run around without shoes!)

Honey is also at the beach. She’s accompanied by some cat-like creature named Wilber. He appeared in a few cartoons, but I don’t think five. Either way, I can’t find a picture of him. Nobody cares about Wilber. Perhaps that is why Honey is happy to let him play in the ocean, unsupervised. Honey has better things to do, once she sees that her boyfriend is there, she changes out of her swimwear and gets on her usual attire. (I don’t she she is wearing the bra she took in the changing booth. I guess she just enjoys stealing other women’s lingerie. The little minx!)

Bosko enjoys the idea of sharing a picnic with her, but Bruno is not one to be ignored. He wants to play, and darn it! Bosko is a great person to play fetch with. He throws the stick to try and be rid of the friendly dog, but said dog brings back increasingly large pieces of wood. The last one upends their picnic once dropped on it.

Wilber, meanwhile, has been having fun in the sea, but the waves finally get a hold of him, and begin dragging him away. (If you are caught in the current, you belong to the sea now. That is my rule. That is also why you don’t hear from my son anymore.) Since Bosko is the only guy in this short, it is up to him to be the hero. (Once he jumps in the water, a bathing suit magically appears. Or the anchovies undressed him. I like my first answer) The waves are fierce, and Bosko struggles to rescue the child. This is why you never send a Bosko to do a dog’s work. Using a log and a fan, (which is clearly not plugged in. And that means Bruno must turn it manually.) He makes a boat and saves the two castaways.

Favorite part: Bosko announces his wares with a cry of “Hot dogs!” It’s also the same thing when he sees his girlfriends silhouette.

Beau Bosko

“Snap out of it!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Norm Blackburn. A Looney Tune released on July 1, 1933.

Today, we find Bosko in a Foreign Legion outpost. The troops are pretty close as at least two of them share the same bed. However, it is time to wake up and get to doing whatever it is these guys do. That includes Bosko, who is heavily sleeping. In fact, his uniform wakes up before him. It’s up to his clothes to wake the sleep-ink kid, who once he does awaken takes his place amongst the troops. (Considering the guy in front of him has a sink in his backpack, it seems that Bosko can afford to sleep late every day.)

The general approaches. I don’t know why he singles Bosko out, but it appears that he is the best person to apprehend the picture’s villain, Ali Oop. So, he gets his camel and heads out. His search leads him to a town. To his delight, his girlfriend is also there. (I can’t quite make out what he’s saying. My best guess is it’s “Oh, boy!”, or “Oh, baby!” but it sounds like “Oh, boobies!” But that can’t be. Honey is flatter than a sheet of paper at the bottom of an ocean on a planet bigger than Jupiter!)

Before Bosko can do more than kiss her, Ali and his troops show up. Bosko and Honey take refuge in a building, and luckily for them, someone just left a gun hanging around. Just begging to unleash its majestic killing power on those down below. Good thing Bosko is trained to use such a device. Firing at the men below, he manages to take care of most of them. Not by actually going through with any bloodshed, but more knocking coconuts and pots into the thugs. Even Ali ends up dazed on a cart. Seizing his chance, Bosko seizes some spears and throws them towards Oop. He’s still not aiming to kill, though. The projectiles make a cage around the criminal. Having trapped the scoundrel, the two lovers cart him away.

Favorite part: When the troops are told to wake up, they respond by singing “Good morning to you.” The little smart alecs.

Bosko in Person

“Gee Bosko, you’re swell!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Bob McKimson. A Looney Tune released on April 10, 1933.

I wasn’t kidding last week when I said I wanted a child. So, I just up and got one. But knowing that he was going to hang around here and occasionally join in the posts, I decided to stick part of my mind in him so he could talk on the same intellectual level as us grownups. Here he is! Introduce yourself. (And use a different font so it is less confusing)

Hᴇʟʟᴏ. Mʏ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ɪs ʙᴏʏ. ᴍʏ ꜰᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅɴ’ᴛ ʙᴇ ʙᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ʀᴇᴀʟ ɴᴀᴍᴇ, ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ʜᴇ sᴇᴇs ᴍᴇ ᴀs ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴀ ᴘᴇᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴀɴ ᴏᴄᴄᴀsɪᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ ᴀssɪsᴛ ɪɴ ʜɪs ᴡᴏʀᴋ.

Children spread the worst lies! Heh heh. (Keep it up and you’ll not be eating tonight.)

Yᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜰᴇᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴʏᴡᴀʏ. ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅ ᴀʙᴜsᴇ ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴠᴇʀʏ ʜɪɢʜ ꜰᴏʀᴍ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴏᴍᴇᴅʏ.

Okay, if you’re such a know-it-all on the art of humor, why don’t you write today’s post? In the meantime, I’ll keep making up names for toons that have done.

Wᴇʟʟ, ɪ ɢᴜᴇss ɪ’ᴍ ɪɴ ᴄʜᴀʀɢᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏ. Mɪɢʜᴛ ᴀs ᴡᴇʟʟ ɢᴇᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ. Iꜰ ɪ ᴅᴏ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴊᴏʙ, ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ᴍʏ ꜰᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡɪʟʟ sʜᴀʀᴇ ʜɪs ᴄᴀᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴏɴ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ.

Tʜɪs ᴘᴀʀᴛɪᴄᴜʟᴀʀ sʜᴏʀᴛ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ ʙᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ɪᴛsᴇʟꜰ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴘʟᴏᴛ. Iᴛ’s ᴊᴜsᴛ Bᴏsᴋᴏ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ʜɪs ᴍᴜsɪᴄᴀʟ sʜᴛɪᴄᴋ.

(Don’t forget to mention that his nose seems to shrink while he is playing the piano.)

Wʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ? I ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ I ᴡᴀs ᴏɴ ᴍʏ ᴏᴡɴ.

I just need to be sure that you follow the major rules. #1. Point out inconsistencies. #2. Name characters. and most importantly #3. Give facts about animals whenever you can.

Iɴ ᴄᴀsᴇ ʏᴏᴜ’ᴠᴇ ꜰᴏʀɢᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ, I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪɴᴅ. Tʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ʀᴇᴀʟ ᴅɪꜰꜰᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴜs ɪs ᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴏɴᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴀᴄᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴇʟᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ “ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡs” ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴜsᴇ ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ.

Speaking of character, stop breaking it!

Tʜᴇɴ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴊᴏʙ.

Fine. But if you get more popular than me, I’m going to bury you in a fire ant hill while you’re coated in honey.

Uɢʜ. I ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ʜᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ. Nᴏᴡ, ʟᴇᴛ’s ᴄᴏɴᴛɪɴᴜᴇ.

Bᴇsɪᴅᴇs ʜɪs ᴘɪᴀɴᴏ ᴘʀᴏᴡᴇss, Bᴏsᴋᴏ ᴀʟsᴏ sʜᴏᴡs ᴏꜰꜰ ʜɪs ᴅᴀɴᴄɪɴɢ sᴋɪʟʟs. Hᴏɴᴇʏ ᴀʟsᴏ ᴊᴏɪɴs ʜɪᴍ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴅᴜᴇᴛ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ. Sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ.

And if you keep acting like this, you never will know.

I GET IT!

Hᴇʀᴇ’s sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ Bᴏsᴋᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ᴅɪᴅɴ’ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ. Aᴘᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛʟʏ, ᴀᴛ ʟᴇᴀsᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ᴏꜰ ʜɪs ɢʟᴏᴠᴇs ɪs ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ. Hᴇ sᴇɴᴅs ɪᴛ ʀᴏʟʟɪɴɢ ᴀᴄʀᴏss ᴛʜᴇ ᴘɪᴀɴᴏ ᴋᴇʏs ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ sᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ɪᴛ ᴏɴ ʜɪs ᴋɴᴇᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇɴᴄᴏᴜʀᴀɢɪɴɢ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴇʀꜰʀᴏᴍ.

Wᴏᴜʟᴅɴ’ᴛ ɪᴛ ʙᴇ ɴɪᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴇɴᴄᴏᴜʀᴀɢᴍᴇɴᴛ?

 

 

? I ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ꜰᴏʀ sᴜʀᴇ ʜᴇ’ᴅ ʙᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ sᴍᴀᴄᴋ ᴍᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʀᴇᴍᴀʀᴋ. Cʟᴇᴀʀʟʏ, ɪ’ᴠᴇ ʟᴏsᴛ ᴍʏ ᴇᴅɢᴇ.

Hɪs ɢʟᴏᴠᴇ, (Oʜ ᴡᴀɪᴛ, ɪ’ᴍ sᴜᴘᴘᴏsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ᴀ ɴᴀᴍᴇ. ᴀʜʜʜʜʜʜʜ, ᴡᴏᴡ. Tʜɪs ɪs ʜᴀʀᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀɴ ɪᴛ ʟᴏᴏᴋs. Mᴀʏʙᴇ ɪ’ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀs ᴛᴀʟᴇɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴀs I ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ.)

Hᴇʏ, ᴅᴀᴅ? Wʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ᴀ ɢʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴇs ᴛᴏ ʟɪꜰᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴄɪᴛᴇs “Mᴀʀʏ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ʟᴀᴍʙ”?

Edison.

Wᴏᴡ. ᴊᴜsᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ? ɪᴍ ʜᴜᴍʙʟᴇᴅ.

Eᴅɪsᴏɴ ɪs ʜᴇsɪᴛᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴇʀꜰᴏʀᴍ, ʙᴜᴛ ʜᴇ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇs ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ. Hɪs ᴠᴏɪᴄᴇ sᴏᴜɴᴅs ᴊᴜsᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ᴠɪᴏʟɪɴ. Iꜰ I ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʜɪᴍ ᴀs ᴀ ᴘᴇᴛ, I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ.

Hᴇ ʜᴏᴘs ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴏɴᴛᴏ Bᴏsᴋᴏ’s (ᴡʜɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀ ʙʀɪᴇꜰ sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ) ʜᴀɴᴅ, ᴀɴᴅ Bᴏsᴋᴏ ɴᴇxᴛ ᴛʀɪᴇs ᴛᴏ ᴘᴜʟʟ ᴏꜰꜰ sᴏᴍᴇ ᴅᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴍᴏᴠᴇs. Iᴛ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀʀᴅ, ʙᴜᴛ ʜᴇ ᴋᴇᴇᴘs ꜰᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ʜɪs ʀᴇᴀʀ ᴇɴᴅ. Hᴏɴᴇʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇs ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ʜᴇʀ sʜᴀʀᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ sʜᴏᴡs ᴏꜰꜰ ʜᴇʀ Tᴇss Gᴀʀᴅᴇʟʟᴀ ᴀɴᴅ Gʀᴇᴛᴀ Gᴀʀʙᴏ ɪᴍᴘʀᴇssɪᴏɴs. Bᴏsᴋᴏ sʜᴏᴡs ᴏꜰꜰ ʜɪs ᴛᴏᴏ. Dᴏɪɴɢ ʜɪs Cʜᴇᴠᴀʟɪᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ Dᴜʀᴀɴᴛᴇ ɪᴍᴘʀᴇssɪᴏɴs. Tᴏ ᴇɴᴅ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴏꜰꜰ, Bᴏsᴋᴏ ɢᴏᴇs ᴀʟʟ ᴏᴜᴛ. Pʟᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴀs ᴍᴀɴʏ ɪɴsᴛʀᴜᴍᴇɴᴛs ᴀs ʜᴇ ᴄᴀɴ, ᴡʜɪʟᴇ Hᴏɴᴇʏ ᴅᴏᴇs sᴏᴍᴇ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏꜰ sᴛʀᴏʙᴇ ᴅᴀɴᴄᴇ. Bᴏsᴋᴏ ᴛʀɪᴇs ʜɪs ɪᴍᴘᴏssɪʙʟᴇ ᴅᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴍᴏᴠᴇ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜɪs ᴛɪᴍᴇ, ʜᴇ ꜰᴀʟʟs ᴏꜰꜰ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀɢᴇ.

Tʜᴇʀᴇ. Nᴏᴡ, ʟᴇᴛ’s sᴇᴇ ɪꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀɴ ɪs sᴀᴛɪsꜰɪᴇᴅ.

I must admit, you’ve done a great job.

Dᴀᴅ? Yᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡʜᴏʟᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ?

Nope, but seeing as how we share a mind, I knew that if you were really my son, you’d type what I wanted to see. I’m proud of you.

Dᴏᴇs ᴛʜɪs ᴍᴇᴀɴ I ᴄᴀɴ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ʀᴇᴀʟ ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

Nope. Have some cat bacon. It’s much tastier than the pork kind.

Wᴇʟʟ, I ɢᴜᴇss ɪ’ᴠᴇ ʟᴇᴀʀɴᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴜᴘᴅᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs ʙʟᴏɢ ɪsɴ’ᴛ ᴀs ᴇᴀsʏ ᴀs ɪᴛ ᴍᴀʏ sᴇᴇᴍ. Aᴛ ʟᴇᴀsᴛ I ɢᴏᴛ ꜰᴇᴅ.

Hope you enjoyed hearing from him. I’ll be doing the rest of the posts, but you’ll definitely see him again sometimes.

 

Ride Him, Bosko!

“Howdy Bosko!”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Norm Blackburn. Musical Score by Frank Marsales. A Looney Tune released on January 16, 1933.

At night in a desert, Bosko rides a horse and does what he does best: sing. His ultimate destination is Red Gulch. (“Where men are men, nine times out of ten.”) It really is a place for only the most hardened of man types. A pig walks by a saloon without coming in to buy anything. He is smashed over the head with a liquor bottle. A dachshund does the same thing out of the arms range. The majority of his body is shot off. Real tough place. So, naturally, Bosko will fit right in.

I joke, but it seems that Bosko really is one of the gang. (Even if they greet him with several bullets through his hat) With the regular piano guy out for the time being, Bosko fills in and plays “She’ll be comin’ round the mountain.” and everyone has a great time. But Bosko doesn’t have a partner. Where could she be? She’s comin.’ (Not round the mountain, but comin’ nonetheless) Honey (who else would it have been? Roxy? Fluffy? ?oppih gnikalt sdrawckab ehT) rides along in a stagecoach that doesn’t appear to have any axles attached to its wheels. That doesn’t have anything to do with anything, but I found it amusing. (If this is the first post you read, you’ll grow accustomed to me going off on many tangents.)

As it makes its way to town, it is being watched by bandits. (Who ride rabid horses, if the foaming mouths are anything to go by.) Since the driver of the coach isn’t going to pull over to be robbed, they give chase. In the process, the driver is thrown off, leaving Honey trapped in a runaway vehicle with gun toting characters and horses that can transmit deadly incurable diseases with their teeth. Also the mortgage is due, and she is about to miscarriage Bosko’s child. (Well, not those last two)

The driver makes it back to town and alerts our hero of whats going on. Wait! I’ve got this! Let me say it! “Ride Her, Bosko!” (D*mn) He gets going and heads to her rescue. And then, probably the most meta of jokes happens in the history of Looney Tunes: the screen pulls back to show Harman, Ising and Freleng looking over their work. Unfortunately, they don’t have any ideas on how to end the picture, so they just head home, leaving a confused Bosko behind.

Bosko’s Picture Show

“Howdy, howdy, howdy folks!”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Max Maxwell. A Looney Tune released on September 18, 1933.

Bosko is such a musical fellow, it only makes sense that he’d have a job supplying music for entire audiences. And in the era where silent movies were still in the public’s memory, (and a few were still around) we find him playing the organ for such a venue. And he invites us to sing along! So join in the fun! “We’re in the money!” is what we’ll sing.

Please tell me you sang. We love music around here. After such a fun opening number, we sadly have to tone it down a bit and see a news reel. A peace conference is in effect. Look at the pummeling! (Things must be getting better.) People still flock to California’s beaches despite the snow, and a boxer plans a comeback, even though he needs at least one arm to hold his walking stick.

We see footage from a dog race. (Which in itself is taken from “Bosko’s Dog Race”) with the Marx brothers playing a role as dogcatchers. (Odd. But at least they allowed Zeppo to join in the fun this time) And after being told that a famous screen lover is on a European vacation, we get a really weird joke about Hitler chasing Durante with an ax. (…wha?…) Back to the fun things! How about a Haurel and Lardy short? I think Haurel is the fat one, because it would be too obvious if he was Lardy. Today, they are going to steal a pie off a windowsill. But they get to arguing who will eat it, and Lardy smashes it in his friends face. In turn, he is smacked on the head. (And I don’t think his collar has a shirt attached to it, but that’s just me.)

Time for the feature film. A TNT picture called “He Done Her Dirt. (And How!)” Starring Bosko’s girl, Honey! And I just realized that I never gave her a proper post, so let’s do that now.

Honey was Bosko’s girlfriend. She was born to be a love interest and that is all she ever was.

What? What do you mean that doesn’t count? It’s my website! She fits my “five appearances rule” but she doesn’t have enough character to warrant description. She was made to be a love interest and that’s all she ever was. (part 2) She was just Bosko with a dress, high heels, eyelashes, and a bow. (Neither of them was known for wearing shirts.) But if you really need more Honey in your life, here’s a shot of her when she appeared on “Tiny Toons”

As you might have guessed, the “black person” angle wasn’t going to go over so well in the nineties, so he and Bosko were redesigned as generic dog creatures. (And they had the audacity to claim she was Warner Bros. “first female star.” There was no such thing. Sexist it may be, but people tend to freak out if a female receives slapstick.) Let’s return to our regular post, shall we?

Honey is riding a bike. (And the Marx’s are there again. They heard me say “generic dog creature” and needed to check it out for themselves.) The villain of the piece is called Dirty Dalton. Hey, wansn’t that also the name of a Hanna-Barberra character?

I already knew it was. You didn’t need to add that, me.

As I was saying, Bosko is not too keen to see the villain. I know what it sounds like, but I swear he says “The dirty fox.” (Whats this in the gutter? Why, it’s your mind! You should really keep it out of there) Bosko is loyal to his soulmate and is going to save her, whether it’s reality or not. He jumps through the screen to rescue her. Normally, that would result in him entering the movie, but real world rules are applied this time, and he just tears a hole in it. At least, that seemed to work.

 

The Booze Hangs High

“Get back!”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Paul Smith. A Looney Tune released in December, 1930.

Like all the best cartoons of the time, this one opens with a close up of a cow’s behind. (And you think I joke about that happening more than once. It’s how the Mickey’s first short “Plane Crazy” was introduced. Fitting, considering Harman and Ising came from Disney)

Bosko dances with the cow, and it seems like they might be best of friends. But when the cow’s pants fall… hide falls… when its underwear is shown, Bosko can’t help but laugh. The cow leaves in a huff. (Believe me, I’m tempted to write “hoof.”) A nearby horse found the scene funny and it seems as if Bosko will have a friend to play with after all. And I do mean “play with.” Bosko pulls the horse’s tail taught and uses it as a stringed instrument. (And despite the fact that the horse is pulling a wagon that Bosko is sitting on, the harness disappears. (Don’t worry. It comes back)

While Bosko continues to entertain himself and us, (playing air banjo with a pitchfork) a family of ducks are out for a merry stroll. I only bring this up because its another example of toilet humor being subtle in Looney Tunes. A duckling crosses its legs, so we can tell it’s uncomfortable. Its mother pulls a flap of its down down, like a pair of pants, so we can tell the problem is related to its hind quarters. And it walks off screen, so we can guess that whatever the problem is, it’s personal and we don’t need any direct mention of it. A million and more times better than how the feature length films did it. (No, I’m not ever letting that go.)

Back on topic, three pigs are hungry. Judging by their relative sizes, and the fact the biggest one has a deep voice, I’ll guess they’re father and sons. Bosko empties a trash can for them to eat. The piglets find a bottle of booze in the stuff. (Look at that! The title character finally showed up!) Are the piglets just curious about their find? Or are they excited? Considering prohibition was still in effect at the time, I choose the latter.

All three of the swine take a swig and the drink works its magic. They fling the bottle away, and it hits Bosko and he gets affected too. He goes to join the swine song. As they croon, the biggest pig accidentally coughs up  a corn cob. He puts it back where it belongs though. (That’s not a belly button. It’s a door knob.) Apparently regurgitating food is censor worthy as that scene was cut from TV airings. Quite stupid as the short ends after that. (And Bosko’s nose turns white)

Not the best of Bosko’s shorts, but still enjoyable. You can’t go wrong with drunk animals.

Congo Jazz

“Hello.”

 

Animation by Max Maxwell and Paul Smith; Music by Frank Marsales. A Looney Tune released in October, 1930.

Only his second short and Bosko decides that he is capable of hunting. (Because he is just a bos like that) Killing is a lot more difficult than one may think, though. And Bosko certainly doesn’t look like he has the nerve. He can’t take more than two and a half steps without screaming. But he has good reason to be scared. Despite the title suggesting he is in Africa, there is a tiger behind him. And Bosko does look quite delicious. When Bosko does notice the cat (and his color changing claws) he tries to run. Tigers apparently run faster on two legs, as it chases him down.

Like most early cartoon characters, Bosko’s main ability is being able to generate music from whatever he may have on hand. In this case, it is an actual musical instrument. (Heck if I know what it is. It’s no animal.) As is well known, music soothes the savage beast, and Bosko is able to save himself. Even playing a quick round of patty-cake with the feline. But, it is still a wild and potentially dangerous animal, so he has no other choice but to kick it off a cliff. Hunting clearly is not his strong point. So he seems to settle for just admiring the wonders of nature. And there are a pair of adorable monkeys that warm his heart playing leapfrog nearby. (They look like new-world monkeys. I thought he was in the part of India called the Congo for some reason.)

Bosko gets closer. One of the simians sees him and bolts, but the other one ends up in Bosko’s hands. In reality, Bosko would probably suffer many nasty bites, but this monkey is a bit more tame. But he still doesn’t like Bosko petting him, so he spits in his eye. Angered, Bosko spanks the monkey. (Literally. I hope nobody thought that I was being figurative.) That wasn’t the smartest choice though, there is an angry gorilla behind him. (So, he IS in Africa?) He doesn’t appreciate Bosko disciplining his… well, not kids. But I guess they are still closely related. Or it could be that Bosko is catching wild animals. Regardless of the reason, he looks pissed. Bosko offers him some chewing gum. Despite being one of the most disgusting things one can play with, Bosko and the ape do just that. Making music again. (It really helps soothe angry animals)

Heck, the music is so good, that lots of animals come to listen and join in. (One of which is a kangaroo. In Afrindiamerica. Is Bosko just in a zoo? Did he just release all the animals to play with them?) Even the plants can’t help but join in. One tree in particular does a sexy dance. (You can tell its female, because male trees don’t have breasts. Plants have the same rules as animals, right?) “Her” dance is a bit too wild though, and one of her fruits snaps free. (Even if fruit are meant to do that, it still looked painful) The coconut hits Bosko on the head, to the amusement of some hyenas. Luckily, Bosko is a good sport, and he laughs along with them.

Bosko the Doughboy

I’ll get you!

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Max Maxwell. A Looney Tune released in 1931.

Heh, no one even uses the term “doughboy” anymore. Regardless, after the title is blown up, we see a war at hand. Not quite on time to be part of WWI, and still too early to be part of WWII. It’s just a nondescript battle with no clear answers. Even we in the audience aren’t safe, as we get shot in the face! A cannon goes through rigor mortis after being shot, and a bird has to take a long clear look at his gaping wound that cuts right through him, before realizing he’s dead. And where’s our main character? In his foxhole eating beans. (Close your mouth when you chew, Bosko. We don’t need to see that. Sometimes, it’s good that animation was not yet in color) His lunch is also shot and he has to make do with stealing cheese from a mousetrap. But he’s not going to let that get him down, he has a woman waiting for him after all! He happily kisses his picture of Honey, before that is shot too. A horse on his side tries to cheer him up with some harmonica playing. While they dance, a dog is in agony because of a flea (I think. It might be a tick) attacking him. Bosko solves this problem by getting the dog’s helmet riddled with bullet holes. This leaves a nice and jagged scratching device. (That would tear through a human’s skin. Isn’t being a toon wonderful?) Then, a fresh wave of firing comes down upon them. Bosko is attacked by a bomb dropping pelican. He fights back by sticking a bomb in the dog’s mouth, pulling on his hindquarters whilst he hangs from a tree, and firing at the bird and its mouse pilot. (The victory is short lived as the dog’s body is torn apart by the enemies fire, leaving him much shorter than before.) Bosko charges forward, ducking into another hole with a hippo to avoid the shots. (Which are primarily coming from some birds in their nest.) The hippo tries to fight back, but a cannon launches a ball down his throat. Bosko sets up a surrender flag made of some long underwear, but the cannon fires anyway. Upon noticing it now has a cannonball inside it, the underwear runs to the cannon and returns it. Thus, destroying the thing. With his path now cleared, Bosko runs over to help his ally. He’s no doctor, but he knows how to save the brave hippo’s life: just unzip him and pull the ball out. They laugh, but the cannonball explodes. (They don’t do that right? I’m no expert.) This sadly leaves Bosko in blackface.