Category: Cartoons from the 50’s

The 1950’s contain some of the most revered shorts Warner Bros. ever produced! Many of which now are considered some of animation’s greatest triumphs.

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A Fox in a Fix

“Ooh! You evil genius, you!”

Daffy dog and egg head.

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Rod Scribner, Phil DeLara, Charles McKimson, Emery Hawkins, John Carey, and J.C. Melendez; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on January 20, 1951.

The lights on the farm are out, which makes it the perfect time for sneaking. A fox I’m calling Chum descends down with a sack. Either he’s prone to hyperventilation, or he comes to pillage poultry. It’s the latter, and it’s hard to blame him. Freshly snatched hens taste way better than the dead ones at your local grocery stores. They’re also susceptible to fainting spells, so there’s hardly any struggle. There’s also the old ‘chickens wearing bloomers under their feathers’ bit, but it’s barely on screen, so I barely laugh.

As he leaves, he gets caught by that bulldog who features in McKimson shorts, with a great bit of reaction animation. (Although the fog is a little distracting.) In his usual passive-aggressive tone, he talks to Chum. He understands that foxes like chickens, but seeing as how he’s the watchdog, it’d look bad if he didn’t do his job. Chum was just lucky he didn’t trespass on one of those places where he’d be slapped around. (As the dog thusly demonstrates.) All things considered, he gets off relatively unharmed, with just getting tossed off the premises. (Caniformia privilege means no penalties.)

Chum vows to get his dinner and comes up with a brilliant idea! Sharing a common ancestor means it will be easy to disguise himself as a Canis familiaris. Then, the watchdog won’t automatically evict him on site. Just got to shave some of the bushier bits, and WHAMMO! Instant foxhound! To really sell the illusion, he’ll have to prove he’s not nocturnal by entering during the dangerous daylight hours. Then, he’ll play up a sob story of being a hard-luck dog who is dying of starvation, thirst, and rabies.

It doesn’t work, but it does. That means that the watchdog knows exactly who it is because he operates on smell rather than sight. Whoops. However, he doesn’t let on, and invites Chum to stick around for a while. Even offers to share his food pellets. Being domesticated is worth it alone for the “meals”. The chickens seem to like him; being creatures that operate on sight rather than smell. Love the tension on Chum’s face as he tries his darnedest to fight his predatory urges.

Now one of the pack, Chum tries getting what he came for. The watchdog stops him with an offer: why not become a watchdog himself? He could get a real home, with a real purpose, and all the pellets he could eat! The watchdog even offers to train him. They’ll start with lesson one: watchdogs attack burglars. Teaching will be taught via role play. Chum will be the dog; dog, the burglar. Chum complies and learns lesson two in the process: burglars carry bits of lead pipe that they crush dog craniums with.

Lesson three is one anyone could do, even you: fetching a stick. A very important part of watchdoggery, to be sure. How else would you know to bring back whatever is left of a burglar after you’ve massacred them? Makes excellent fertilizer. Chum passes with flying colors, of course. His reward is to do it again! The best teachers are the ones who can disguise the fact they’re teaching you at all. Thus, the watchdog sends Chum after a lit dynamite stick to demonstrate lesson four: burglars will trick you if you don’t kill them fast enough.

Chum has survived his first day of training, so it’s time for well deserved rest. That watchdog must be very sure of his safety, if he’s willing to share his sleeping quarters. But then, maybe Chum can’t revenge murder on an empty stomach. With his nemesis bedding down for the night, Chum goes to the coop once more. He gets his prize, but the watchdog is always on duty and stops him again. Chum decides to literally pull the ‘somnambulist card’ which states that you DON’T wake a sleepwalker. He could be very embarrassed.

Chum exits the premises, and now I love the chicken’s “what’s the use in struggling/is this real” expression. Chum lets her go when he eyes a much meatier prize: one of those cassowary sized birds that isn’t even a cassowary. Boot camp WAS worth it! But lesson five is to not be greedy, and he failed that one. Non-silent chicken is dog! (Chum’s shadow disappears. I know that’s common at night, but I still felt it worth mentioning.) Knowing there’s no way out of this, Chum flees and hitches a ride before he has to hear any more lessons.

Turns out lesson six was really important. It’s to not hitch rides with strangers. Otherwise you might find yourself a fox in a furriers truck. They operate by smell too you know.

Favorite Part: Chum’s run when he has to play along with the lesson plan. It’s reluctant, disgusted, humiliated and really sells the image of a child who is being forced to play with a younger sibling.

Personal Rating: 3. High 3.

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There Auto be a Law

“The automobile is the American’s prized possession.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Phil DeLara, Charles McKimson, Herman Cohen, and Rod Scribner; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on June 6, 1953.

I don’t much care for cars. They pollute and are too difficult for me to control. I’d learn, but the rest of the world would need to slow down and have a little patience. It’d be much easier to eat my way out of a bowhead whale. In one sitting, yet. But yeah, cars is our focus today. Not the Pixar series that everyone hates too much. (No seriously, “2” is a pretty good film.) Car gags, car jokes, and a car toon. Now that I’ve made the most obvious and trite one, we can see what the professionals have come up with.

We begin with a brief history of the motorized land vehicle. They were originally invented to be a horse that didn’t eat plant-based food. The name ‘Horseless cariage’ seemed a good fit, so they were named thusly. You could whip them just like a horse, so it wasn’t a difficult adjustment. But some cars were more stubborn, and would require four hands to get it moving. (Shoving.) Speaking of, the animation gets really jerky. What happened, Bob? Should I blame Herman?

As is the way of the human, they would get bored with current designs and constantly feel a need to update what was well enough left alone. Okay, so the windshield was an improvement. And the heater. The cup holders too. Everything else was extraneous. The suckers never stopped being expensive, but everyone and their dead relatives wanted one and couldn’t be denied. This led to the invention of something totally unexpected, the traffic jam. Sometimes it’s because of a wreck, sometimes it’s just a manner of too many drivers. This time: it’s a woman reapplying her make-up. (Hey! We know you!)

To try and keep things moving smoothly and quickly, highways were invented. Basic ones with little imagination, to full on clover-leafs. Those are expansive enough to get lost in, and such is the fate of an unlucky driver I’m gonna call Preston. He pulls over at the convenient hamburger stand for directions. If he keeps to the right, he should get out okay. Awfully decent of that man. I’d have said directions only come free with a purchase of a combo meal.

Sometimes roads would need to be built across bodies of water, and tolls would be charged to cross. It’s half price today, because the bridge is half built. You know, I might have called this my favorite part in the narration didn’t explain the punchline. We can see the joke. I’d be willing to let it get as far as saying “Oh, that’s why!” But please, respect my intelligence, and acknowledge my existence. (You really need two people to believe anything before there’s a possibility of it being true.)

Intersections can be scary. Especially the one’s located in Wile E.’s desert. You get in a wreck here, you lose your car and become more closely acquainted with the elements than is comfortable. Our driver stops carefully, looks both ways, then proceeds at an appropriate speed level. One of those people who think they are above fair rules drives right through him. The elements get their prize this time. But the real problem here is: Did Preston get off the loop safely?

He has not. He asks the burger man again and he’s still happy to help. Though, he says to go a different direction and keep left this time. Something wrong here! Maybe it’s as simple as getting kicks from sending people the wrong way, maybe it’s a devious punishment for not buying a delicious burger. Those cows died for you, you know. You really want to tell their calves that mommy died for no reason? No, veal isn’t an option.

We have cars that are good enough for a daily drive about town, but if its speed you need, you’d do better to look into a hot rod. These cars get rid of the all the junk that was just slowing them down, and allows you to attempt a new speed record. 130 mph isn’t too bad, but better can be done. That horseless carriage that goes by whip power humbles you good! It was fast enough to go through time, so you don’t have a chance. Just an overbite.

Parking spaces are where cars go to nap when you have no need of them for the moment. Some people make a decent living placing your vehicle in them while you spend your time entering buildings, getting on subways, and switching cars to avoid the cops. It takes finesse and skill. And not letting the customer notice you can scrunch their car width-wise to make sure it would fit. But there’s some decent folks in the world too. Those who will actually let you siphon gas. Don’t swallow it. It gives you carpox.

Preston pulls over one more time to see if the third time is the charm. Finally, the burger man admits the truth: he never knew how to get off this loop and has been stuck here for a decade. That’s why he built this stand; to fend off starvation. You’ll notice he doesn’t advertise his burgers as  being made of beef. It’s a good thing Preston was the second person who got stuck here today. At least now he’ll have someone to talk to. With no other option, Preston opens a topping stand. When that time traveler’s whip arm wears out, they’ll be just what he needs.

Favorite Part: A man taking careful measurements to be absolutely certain his car will fit into a garage. (Owned by Ken Harris, no less.) This could go several ways: it still doesn’t fit, he puts two cars in, he crashes, or he could really throw a loop and drive away. The right answer: he drives through two trees that weren’t growing far apart enough to pass through.

Personal Rating: 3. I’d like to give it a four, as its one of the stronger gag shorts, but I feel like that’s being a bit too generous. Just pretend I use decimal points and call it a 3.5.

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Ducking the Devil

“I juthst gotta have that 5 g’ths!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by George Grandpre and Ted Bonnicksen; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Bill Butler; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on August 17, 1957.

A Taz cartoon without Bugs! The only one in fact! And probably my favorite to boot! Let’s dig in!

That armored vehicle isn’t going to any bank. Its cargo is far and away more valuable. (But less deadly.) This truck is en route to the zoo to deliver the latest exhibit: a Tasmanian Devil. The keeper tries to keep the beast under control with his poking trident, but the brute not only bites it apart, he escapes from his delivery crate. The patrons need a moment to take it in before realizing this is a perfect panic scenario. They flee en masse, and I’m glad to say there were zero casualties. Well, on the devil’s part. Some were trampled in the mobs.

Important stories like this are fit to print, and Daffy reads about it in his paper. He’s never heard of such an animal, but the article fills him in on the important stuff. It’s powerful and perpetually hungry, and fancies wild duck above all other game. But we in the zoological field know that its favorite food is really whatever is co-staring at the moment. Daffy is a little disturbed, but piles on the bravado by claiming he is no coward.

Taz recycles his way over for the second time in the year! It’s a fine enough part to be proud of, but it could have also been fun to see what new things Taz could spin through. He’s got two more chances before we’ll have gone through his entire filmography. I know the outcome, but I’ll stay mum on it just in case you’re going to be patient enough to find out what it is in time. Daffy admits to being a coward and tries to hide under the water. Sea devils aren’t as vicious as the land ones.

She-sea devil
Of course, I could be wrong.

Insatiable hunger is bosom buddies with insatiable thirst, and Taz downs the whole pond. As is convenient for the plot, Daffy forgets he can fly and flees on feet. He catches his breath at Hamburger Center and overhears the radio stating that a reward is being offered to get the cowardly populace to take action. This is the grand poobah of invasive species here, wimps. And he’s way too valuable to just put down. Plus, our modern medicines can help prevent him from ever getting DFT.

Daffy is sold the minute cash is brought up. I like that his greed outweighs his fear. The only problem is how he’s going to get the creature back since they’re at least ten miles away. (Oh, excuse me, those of you who use metric. That equals to 52,800 feet.) Well, the radio has an answer to that problem too! The Tasmanian Devil becomes docile when exposed to music. And for the longest time, I always though that was just an established bit of Taz lore. That’s because after seeing this short as a kid, I saw this:

Two different instances. It had to be a well known fact.

Daffy alerts the Devil to his presence and tries to turn the radio back on. He turned it off for the sake of this joke, you understand. And said joke gives it a bit of trouble in trying to find the music station again. (Love that “YIPPEE!” Think I heard that used in a “Humongous Entertainment” title once.) He gets the tunes at the last possible moment, and it works like a charmed animal. Taz is putty in this attack pause. Daffy leads him back.

They don’t make it too far. The cord comes unplugged and Taz reverts to his carnivorous ways. Daffy mails away for a trombone. The instrument I’d most likely believe was invented by a Toon. He can play it well, but loses the slide part when it gets caught in tree branches. So he next ties some bagpipes. This does jack all because the radio said Tasmanian Devils are soothed by music. (That’s an awesome joke. See why this one is my fave?)

Well, there’s only one other alternative. Daffy isn’t a songbird, but he starts singing all the same. Wouldn’t you know it? Works like a char- yeah, I’m not typing that again. Time to get movin’ right along! Ten miles isn’t the farthest you can walk, (I’d wager that would be the length from Portugal to Russia.) but have you ever tried to sing the entire length? Daffy’s voice is starting to waver by mile 7. You can feel the discomfort in his larynx. Mel, why haven’t they written one of those “Who is/was?” books about you yet? You’re more amazing than every human being who isn’t you.

Daffy manages to get Taz back to the zoo and back in his prison. Then, yes, Daffy actually gets his mitts on some money. Another reason why I hold this one high.

Favorite Part: What comes right after. Daffy is counting his wad, but he drops the final bill and Taz grabs it for himself. Without hesitation, the duck rushes in to the enclosure and gives the devil a thrashing to within an inch of his life. Bugs has to rely on his wits. Daffy just beat up the mammalian equivalent of an atom bomb. His greed might just rival Wario’s.

Personal Rating: 4. Especially when standing next to the other Taz shorts. This really stands  out as a deviant.

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Bugsy and Mugsy

“Now you’re mad at me again.”

Directed by Friz Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Virgil Ross, Gerry Chiniquy and Art Davis; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Boris Gorelick; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling and Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on August 31, 1957.

You may remember that I had problems with “S.4A.M.” But that’s okay because when Fred visited me back in 2011, I made sure to tell him to tell Friz that if he should ever direct a short like that, he should remake it seven years later. Thus, our current timeline. Sure, it changed history to make it so any attempts at saving Lonesome George were futile, but in the end wasn’t it worth it? No, but at least this picture fixed its predecessor’s problems.

Heavy rainfall has caused Bugs to take temporary leave of his burrow and relocate to the drier confines of an abandoned building. But only abandoned for so long, as Rocky and Mugsy decide to use this place as  a hideout while the cops hunt. All-around good guy and advocate for anybody suffering from karat theft, Bugs takes it upon himself to teach the scoundrels a thing or… actually, he’ll stick with that one thing. Crime doesn’t pay, buckos. Get ready for a hardcore teaching.

While the thieves sleep, Bugs places a phone speaker near Rocky and berates his naivety. Really? You’d leave all those jewels laying around with Mugsy right there on the couch? He may act dumb, but he can get ideas. Rocky slaps the big guy around for that, despite Mugsy’s claim that he doesn’t get ideas. His brain isn’t that developed. Rocky may act placated, but once you plant a doubt seed, it doesn’t die. I suppose you could send a doubt gopher after it, but those don’t move out.

To fertilize that seed, Bugs plants an axe in the sleeping Mugsy’s grasp and warns Rocky that falling asleep wouldn’t be very conducive to survival at this point. The boss gets the weapon and takes the first swipe. Good thing Mugsy gets this kind of abuse on a daily basis. He sees Rocky’s action as nothing more than a joke, but still needs to wear his replacement hat from now on. He’s also a little jumpy from here on out. (Good attention to detail keeping the couch still busted in the next scene.)

Bugs next begins to unscrew a chandelier over Rocky who I’m surprised could fall asleep by this point. Burglary must really take it out of you. (That would explain why the Hamburglar slept for about 20 years.) Mugsy notices this and rushes to get a screwdriver of his own. (Oh. The couch is repaired now. Never mind. This cartoon is ruined.) He gets in place just as Bugs finishes. What a terrible spot to be found in without context.

To put his mind at ease, Rocky hogties Mugsy, and throws him into a different room. Still, those nerves will be jumpy for the rest of the night I’d wager. He catches sight of the saw cutting through the floor at this feet, and Bugs puts the offending article in Mugsy’s grasp. There’s pretty much no way he could explain himself now. Not that’d he do a very articulate job, anyway. The damage is done, and Rocky refuses to sleep anymore. Time to finish things up.

Bugs fits Mugs with some skates, and controls him via horseshoe magnet. He tugs the big lug into Rocky’s mug, who punches him back. So Bugs keeps it up. So Rocky keeps it up. This creates a lot of noise, and it’s not long before the popo pulls up. On their way to jail/prison, Rocky wonders how they were ever found out. Noise, sure, but it was an abando building. Those things always have creepy unexplained noises lurking within. (My money’s on doubt gophers.) It wasn’t brilliant detective work; Bugs labeled the place as their hideout in light-up letters and neon trim. Very artsy.

Favorite Part: A good rule of comedy is to have a quiet character make a drastic shift in volume. Rocky does this when he catches Mugsy with the saw. “I don’t know how youse done it, but I know YOUSE DONE IT!”

Personal Rating: First, why I think this short improves on its forebear. First: The two made to break up are criminals, so they kind of deserve to be punished. Wait, no ‘kind of’. The real world should really adhere to that. Second: There’s no beautiful friendship that Bugs is ruining, despite what Mugsy thinks. Rocky does not see him as an equal. Third: In this short’s continuity, they haven’t met Bugs yet, so I’m not asking why they wouldn’t think he might be behind everything. Improvements across the board. 3.

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Fox-Terror

“Well, boll, ah-say, boll my weevil!”

That’s the biggest chick-en, ever he seen!

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Keith Darling, George Grandpre, and Ted Bonnicksen; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Bob Majors; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling, Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on May 11, 1957.

There’s an alarm going off in the chicken coop! I bet it was a fox, because there’s one vacating the premises now! Barnyard rushes over to the one who pulled the alarm, some young rooster. Barnyard doesn’t take him too seriously, because he’s just a kid with adult plumage. Doesn’t help that the little guy can’t use any big-boy words. The Dawg interprets the squawks as asking for a drink of water. Water is delicious and all that, but why even have the alarm if you won’t take it seriously? Has he cried fox before?

Foghorn has no interest in pranks today. He aims to go fishing. Roosters love fish! They’re basically the same animal in different biomes. The foxy rascal catches sight, and hatches an idea. Nothing as dumb as trying to eat the bird willingly walking off the premises, (he’s 65% salmonella from all his fishing) no, his plan requires donning a disguise that makes him look like he deals in cocaine, and telling Foggy point blank that he isn’t going fishing. He should take the local hunting dog and go hunting. Roosters love the power that comes from wielding a fire arm, and goes to fetch B.D.

Barnyard resists, saying he has to continue to guard. (Leading me to believe that he’d love to go if he had free time. It’s what he was bred for, after all.) The fox tries to get some dinner, (That green hen doesn’t look ripe enough.) but the little rooster from before pulls the cord again, and the Pavlovian treatment gets Barnyard to rush back, dragging Foghorn behind him. Foghorn gets slammed into a birdhouse, and that just kinda kills his urge to hunt. It really would be weird; him being classified as a game bird, and all. And seeing as there’s no fox, Barnyard gets the kid more water. Hydrate to feel great!

The fox already has a new scheme. Playing game show host, he ushers Foghorn into a booth with two buzzers. Here’s the question: he’s got to recite the poem that contains the words “red” and “blue” and, once he’s got it figured out, recite it, pushing the buzzers when he mentions the hues. That’s too vague! I mean my answer was:

The color of burns and embarrassment, sure, but also luscious, ripe apples and good cuts of meat. Stop for the fist hue of the rainbow and bow: red. On the other extreme: cool, calming, and collected. A friendly sky, a majestic ocean, and animals you should not ingest. You shouldn’t feel sad when you behold: blue.

And that fox had the audacity to not only say I was wrong, but that my poetry is amateurish! I can’t take criticisms if they’re wrong!

Foghorn claims that the answer goes” Roses are red…” and he pushes, unaware that the device is connected to dynamite that the fox stuck in Barnyard’s mouth. Even though he was asleep, and Foghorn is a sound-muffling room, he knows exactly the accompanying line and pushes the buzzer himself once he’s donated his explosive to Foghorn. Man, this game show has everything!

Foghorn decides to go fishing after all. The fox meanwhile, has tricked Barnyard into leaping into a magic box. It’s magic because it’s fairly large, but can be folded into a pocket sized cube. He gives it to Foghorn, claiming it to be a lucky charm for fishermen. Roosters, that is. Actually, he charges Foggy ten dollars. Helps keep up the charade, you know. All Foghorn has to do, is blow on the charm thrice, then toss it over his left shoulder. Following these directions has the charm landing in a well. Best hope you did it perfectly!

Barnyard escaped, and you’ll never know how he did it. He folds Foghorn up and toss him in the well. That’s just a really fun bit of cartoonery you don’t see unless a character has already been flattened. I like it. Foggy finally asks why Barnyard is beating him up today, as he’s been particularly kind today. (I.E. out of character.) Barnyard says he’s interfering with his guarding, but that was only the first time! Foghorn catches the real culprit entering the enclosure once more, but holds Barnyard back as he’s got a plan of his own.

The fox has cut the cord for the alarm, but the little rooster still gets it to ring by pulling the severed end. Even though, as far as the fox knows his latest scheme worked, he flees. He runs into Foggy and the Dawgy dressed up like he originally was. Knowing that everything has been figured out, he struggles to come up with an explanation, but the two aren’t hearing it. They don duelist uniforms, turn, and shoot the fox. That was just the appetizer though, they let him have a head start as they get into their next outfits: horse and fox hunter.

The hunt isn’t on though. It’s the little roosters turn to don the slicker duds and tell the two that they won’t be doing as they plan. Mainly because the cartoon is over, but also because… actually just that. The cartoon is over.

Favorite Part: Barnyard getting fed up with the kid “asking for water” and planning to just bean him with a hammer. Oh, quit whining about child abuse. 1. The kid fights hammer with hammer. 2. I’m still not even sure that’s a kid.

Personal Rating: 3

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Yankee Doodle Bugs

“You’d better hop along, Cassidy.”

There’s no use changing the history books for little ole him.

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animatin by Art Davis, Manuel Perez, and Virgil Ross; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on August 28, 1954.

As animated series like “School House Rock”, “The Magic School Bus”, and “Animaland” can attest, learning doesn’t have to suck. Therefore, I for one propose that Bugs teach us about American History. Because the country’s birthiversary is this upcoming week, and if you don’t know anything about who/what you’re celebrating, then brother, you’re hardly celebrating at all.

It starts when his nephew, Clyde is struggling to learn about the past. (I’ve discussed Clyde before, but this is his final theatrical appearance.) Wouldn’t be that much of a big deal, if it weren’t for the fact that he’s going to have a test on the subject later today. (That and his books blend into the carpet.) Bugs offers to help. (Clyde: “Do you *half a second pause* know about American history, Uncle Bugs?”) Turns out history is loaded with rabbits. They’ve been involved with Columbus, Napoleon, Nazi Germany, The 1943 Oscars, and the invention of gunpowder. You can quote me on this because I’m a valuable resource.

Bugs starts when the Dutch bought New York for a song. And I mean that in the punniest fashion. The Native Chief got a really good deal. Then pretty much nothing happened for over a hundred years until Benjamin Franklin *clears throat* “discovered” electricity. It was all thanks to the rabbit who held his kite just as lightning struck it. Ben took the credit, because taking the credit is mankind’s greatest invention.

Then a war was set to happen because The King put tacks on the tea. (Punniest. Way.) This could not be stood for, so an army was drafted. The backgrounds have a U.P.A. minimalistic design that goes all the way when we get to George Washington. They’re so minimal, that they cease to exist! Don’t walk into the void, George! It’s probably dangerous! I don’t see any food, for one thing. Wait. He’s fine. It’ll be a bit of a struggle to leave his candy shop, but his wife will just have to handle it herself until he wins independence.

If this is going to be its own country, it’s going to need a flag. A woman named Betsy Ross was assigned the task of sewing it up. She’s got six red stripes that represents all the blood that will be spillt, five white ones that represent the skin tone of the generals, and a blue section that is supposed to be the ocean, which the country will be surrounded by, some day. A rabbit gave her the idea for a finishing touch after he stepped on a rake and saw ten stars. Never having learned to count, she added thirteen.

It was a bitter fight. Cold winters made ice cream men enemies of the sate. What have we become? War truly changes a man. Eventually though, the enemy fleet was bottled up. (Pun. Knee. Est.) Once Washington crossed the Delaware River, victory was won. Simple as that. And that was pretty much everything that happened between then and 1954. This is a very boring country. The next thing worth noting would be Disneyland opening the following year.

Perfect timing! The school bell is chiming and Clyde’s got a test to ace. Bugs is such a good uncle. A guncle, if you will. When school lets out, Clyde comes back angrily glaring. It’s quite funny. Bugs can’t figure out why he’d be scowling like this, so Clyde spells it out for him: D-U-N-C-E C-A-P. I’m sorry kid, but penmanship counts.

Favorite Part: The king is really getting his jollies when he puts tacks on the tea. It’s good to see leaders put the riot in dictator.

Personal Rating: 2. I did say punniest, rather than funniest. I just don’t feel like the jokes were powerful enough. They could have gone farther, but then I guess it would have ended with Clyde getting sent to Special Ed. (Because that’s how they’d handle it at the time, thank you.)

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Lighthouse Mouse

“It musst be my white-blood corpsicles!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Sid Marcus; Animation by Phil DeLara, Charles McKimson, Herman Cohen, and Rod Scribner; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Music by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on March 12, 1955.

Hippety Hopper has star billing! Makes me wonder if the audiences even knew him by name. But don’t worry, Sylvester will still be around. Although, don’t we all want to see a solo Hippety venture? It probably wouldn’t be that great, but sometimes that’s what makes something truly great. It makes sense if you’re high/pretentious.

Night on the ocean means only one major source of light: a lighthouse. It’s an imperative piece of equipment, for it prevents ships from dashing into the rocky shore of dangerous beaches. It’s also disrupting the sleep patterns of a moose that lives within it. Good thing you’re nocturnal. Problem averted. Go away. I mean, oh, the poor thing is sleep deprived. It’s only right that he unplug the beacon. A terrible loss of human life is a risk I’m willing to take.

Almost immediately, a ship crashes, losing some of its cargo in the process. But no lives! Inside, a parrot awakes the keeper to alert of the blackout. I’ve decided to call him Scott because he sounds Scott-ish. This isn’t the first time this kind of thing has happened, since he knows all too well that a moose is the culprit. Why the moose doesn’t just find a different place to live, or kill the keeper is beyond me. Scott has a cat on hand to handle moose and sends Sylvester to do his duty.

One of the cargo boxes contained a baby kangaroo, en route to a zoo. I’m guessing those on the ship were poachers who are willing to sell marsupials on the black market to the kind of zoos that I just told you, last week, are not the kind of zoos worth talking about. I’m glad the little guy escaped, but do wish he could have found somewhere with a bit more food. This ain’t no peninsula, he’s waterlocked. But he does spy what appears to be a playmate, climbing the stairs. He follows.

Sylvester sets a moosetrap, but catches a kangaroo. Logically, he should’ve used a kangarootrap. (If I’ve made that lousy joke before, I don’t care, but if you could remind me when I did, I’ll add a link to it.) Frightened to pieces, he runs down to the bathroom to get a good look at himself; see if there’s anything wrong with him. Nah. But there’s something wrong with the mirror. Your muzzle isn’t black. I hate when reflections mess with you. They’re supposed to copy us! We… we are the real ones… right?

The moose gets Hippety… well not freed, but untrapped. This was no free act of kindness, however. It’s the joey’s turn to return the favor. He agrees, and unplugs the light once more. Interesting that Hippety seems to perfectly understand moose, but never can tell a cat what he’s supposed to be. Maybe he doesn’t know himself. He’s still a baby. Sylvester has taken some vitamins by now, so he’s ready to try again. After he does a smart thing, of course: nailing the plug into the socket. He readies a club at the approaching shadow, but swings too high as it was belonging to a moose.

The moose was carrying a mallet, so he mallets Sylvester’s feet. He ducks into a compartment under the main bulb, and when Slyvester thinks he’s corned him, opens up to find a thrashing from a “big moose”. When he’s thrown down again, the real moose cuts the wire in two. He doesn’t get any electrocution because he’s small, and the current went through his body, harmlessly. I’m pretty sure that’s something Bill Nye taught me once. He knows about science, guys. Scott is coming to thrash the cat for failing, but Sylvester manages to keep things flowing by allowing himself to become part of the current. He’s a hero!

Sylvester tapes things back up unaware the the moose has tied an explosive into the wire. Once it blows, not only is Sylvester a bit more hurt, but the wire is reduced to scattered pieces. The moose won, and that’s how moose began to rule the world. Scott returns to make good of that thrashing. He’s not going to try taking care of any rodents, because he’s diurnal. But he does have a plan to get that light going again.

Everyone sleeps peacefully. Scott has the light running, and the two pests found that the light can’t reach them in the compartment under the bulb. Sylvester is never going to sleep at night again. Scott’s solution was to hook him up to a car battery, and let him become the new beacon. It’s hell on the corneas, but there never was an ‘I’ in cat to begin with.

Super Ultimate Happy Funtime Challenge: Find the color changing nose and you win!

Favorite Part: Sylvester gets some good pummeling on the moose in the little compartment, but to be fair to everybody, every time the doors shut, the positions are swapped, and Hippety can give Sylvester his share.

Personal Rating: 3

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Wild About Hurry

‘FANTASTICALLY ELASTIC’

Directed by Chuck Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Ken Harris, Abe Levitow, Richard Thompson, Keith Darling, and Ben Washam. Layouts and Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Effects Animation by Harry Love; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Orchestrations by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on October 10, 1959.

For the latest Road Runner chase, the credits are incorporated into Wile E.’s failed attempts. A true genius learns to work with your failures, so when Wile’s rocket hits a rock and he’s flung off, he utilizes the momentum to make his grab. He smashes into an archway. Well, he’s still got about five minutes to fill. What other schemes will fail today? Remember, the ones which don’t kill you, teach.

Wile E. tries to drop a rock on the R.R. It can change color, so it’s probably an octopus. (Yes, in the desert.) Wouldn’t you guess? It will not fall. He’s gonna have to jump on it to get it started. And not a quick “off-and-on” hop. I mean the real kind of jump. Better do several, just to be safe. That gets gravity off its lazy posterior. When Wile E. notices where he’s at, I can’t tell if he loses his scelera, or just gets one of those anime expressions where the eyes become little dots. What do you call those expressions? Does TV Tropes have any answers?

To save himself, Wile E. starts running. He runs fast enough to get the rock spinning, and it starts to slow his descent. If I knew anything about physics, I could explain in great detail why this works. Instead, you can see me say “It really works that way!” It really works that way! But the rock is pointed on its bottom end, and when spun, it acts as a drill. Upon touchdown, it bores into the ground below it, and right into a train tunnel. Complete with train. Miraculously, the rock gets the brunt of the attack, and Wile E. is relatively unharmed. Just dizzy. He should utilized those spinning powers. I’ve heard that animals with that tactic can succeed in Road Runner eating.

You can’t beat Acme’s prices. You can buy railroad track by the mile and tens of millions of feet of lumber at a fraction of the cost A-Jax charges. Add a rocket sled and you can build your own track for chasing your prey. Once again, things play out logically. Too much steep tracks builds up too much speed, and rather than straightening out onto the horizontal plane, Wile E. crashes through. (I still think you’re a genius! Build me a time machine!)

Big finish time! Wile E. has got himself one of those indestructo steel balls I’d keep telling my wife to buy me if I had a wife. The reviews are great. It really is indestructo and once inside, it’s like an absolutely safe capsule. But you can exit when you want! Awesome! Wile E. attempts to flatten Roady to the road, but just misses. A naturally bent rock formation flings him into a river. There’s plenty of oxygen his the ball, so Wile E. starts pushing himself to shore. But it’s not shore, it’s a… oh, dam.

Going over, he is tossed around the rapids below. This would probably be really fun if there was some sort of gyrosphere inside to keep you steady. But don’t worry, I’m still entertained. Rolling out, Wile E. leaves safety, dizzy, but living. An incoming train sends him back in, and he is swatted into a mine field. He explodes along, but the ball is still indestructo. It may be battered, but it’s still in one piece, and ultimately flung back to where it all began. And the bird watches as it all begins again. I give Wile E. a week tops before he’s going to opt for death. Yes, there are that many trains passing through.

Favorite Part: Road Runner’s got a great scientific name today: Batoutahelius. A way cooler sounding genus than Homo.

Personal Rating: 3

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Bedevilled Rabbit

“Where in Tasmania’s Tasmania?”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by George Grandpre, Ted Bonnicksen, and Keith Darling; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on April 13, 1957.

Hey, when was the last time I discussed one of Taz’s shorts? Year one? I guess I can tell you my dark secret: I think “Tales of Earthsea” is a great film. Wait, I meant the other one: out of the Tunes’ main cast, Taz is my least favorite. That dosen’t mean I hate him because I don’t! If you can spare me a paragraph or two, I’ll explain my feelings on the guy. Like I should’ve done in year one.

First, the good. And it outweighs the bad. I love his design. Asking people who’ve never heard of Sarcophilus harrisii to just draw what comes to mind when they hear ‘Tasmanian Devil’ is brilliant, if zoologically inaccurate. And he helps introduce people to a lesser-known species. (Pretty sure I knew of him before the real deal.) And his means of locomotion. Becoming a dust devil is one of the most originally unique things I’ve ever heard of. You don’t get imagination like that every day! And marsupials definitely do this!

I couldn’t think of a third example.

The bad? Let’s be real, he kind of is a flat character. His one note is being a wild animal, and he does it great! And his voice. Maybe I can blame my autism, but I’m not a big fan of his shrieking snarls and raspberries. But I can appreciate how much funnier it makes it when he says something coherent. For me, Taz works best in small doses. He’s like mustard. Makes the whole dish better, but I can’t stomach a pudding-cup full. Let’s finally get started.

A crate of carrots are being air-dropped to Tasmania. It’s a pretty moronic way to send mail, but I’ve heard the wildlife is very dangerous, and I don’t think the insurance can cover any more casualties. Bugs made the mistake of sleeping in the patch these carrots were harvested from, and wakes to a whole new locale. But it has eerily similar stampedes to ones he saw in… where did the previous short take place?

He’s able to get a crocodile to stop and tell him what all the fear is about. Even though the reptile folds himself into a traveling case, he still dispenses a pamphlet that will answer all. (B. the B., I don’t think your disguise will help. “Animal-in-origin” means it still has some of the original flavor.) The informational booklet gets right to the point and warns tourists of the Tasmanian Devil. Ferocious, dangerous, and continuously hungry; not to mention it eats just about the entirety of the animal kingdom. Bugs isn’t entirely convinced such a beast even exists.

Well, speak of that devil! He’s gotten taller than I last saw him! He’s recycled animationing his way over right now. (It’s fun to peruse Taz’s diet list. It suggests that he’s the reason we don’t see any unicorns, and has done what Wile E. will never do.) The pamphlet was saving it for last, but yes, rabbits are also a meal of choice. Ever the cool one, Bugs claims to be a monkey as that wasn’t one of the animals listed. (But probably only because there aren’t monkeys in Tasmania.)

Taz still gives chase, tearing every tree in the forest down a peg and a half. When Bugs thinks he’s rid of him, Taz grabs him by the ears. He’s not as dumb as you might think, as he questions why a monkey would have a rabbit’s tail. Fade-in on a trussed Bugs with an apple in his mouth. Classic presentation is always trendy! Since he’s not going anywhere, Taz takes some time to work on his salad side-dish. Sure, it’s leaning too heavily on toppings to be healthy, but the squirrels, raccoons, turtles, fish, and mice are the best parts! (Did Bugs have to watch them die?)

Bugs points out an important fact: salad doesn’t pair well with rabbit. Its best friend is a Wild Turkey Surprise. A dish he’d be happy to prepare if he was able to use his limbs. Taz is sold, and I can’t blame him. That sounds awesome! Shame that in this health-conscious world, Bugs decides to make it with artificial poultry: T.N.T. At least Taz still liked it. A little gas never hurt anyone. But he’s still mad. Still hungry? Has he realized Bugs pulled a fast one? Bugs needs a reason to duck into the nearby Trader Mac’s? All three it is!

Grabbing a box of lipstick, a broom, a dress and a bear trap, Bugs sets to making a disguise. Love the shopkeep’s expression. I choose to believe animals can’t talk in this picture, and he just saw a rabbit rob him. (Grab me one of those shrunken heads while you’re there, huh Bugs?) And that disguise? Probably his hottest one ever. And that’s coming from someone who isn’t even attracted to Tasmanian she-devils. Good thing that’s another species not on the approved foods list. Taz likes. Taz l-i-i-i-i-kes!

That jagged metal kiss only turns him on fiercer. But wait, if his first cartoon is to be believed then isn’t he…? Yep. Still married. The Mrs. is none too pleased to find him cheating on her. (His name is Claude?) That rotten pamphlet! It can’t even correctly state what the scariest animal is! Same as everywhere else, it’s a woman scorned.

Favorite Part: In traditional cartoon fashion, Taz makes a wide variety of sounds when he sees an attractive body. The tiny “rowr” is the best part!

Personal Rating: 3.

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A Street Cat named Sylvester

“I tawt I taw a tweety bird.”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Virgil Ross, Arthur Davis, Manuel Perez, and Ken Champin; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc. Music: Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on September 5, 1953.

That title is a lie. Sylvester is very much a pet today. But the pun! Too tempting! And yet, Tweety still gets the star billing. He’s been around longer.

Things start off in the style of their first team-up: Tweety is taking note of how winter is the death of all joy and will to live in the world, and only barely managing to stay warm via the heat of a cigar butt. Fate’s wind blows him into a house, and he bangs on the door, pleading for sanctuary. He’s putting a lot of effort into his door pounding, but no human would be able to hear his little fist-wings over the howl of that gale. That door would need to be answered by a feline, but what, are we supposed to believe this is a cartoon?

Sylvester is delighted by what is on the other side of the door. You gotta take advantage when opportunity knocks, and take it he does. It always makes me laugh when he licks Tweety like a ice-pop. That’s as far as he gets before Granny is attracted by the noise. She’d probably try to interfere and keep him from eating something crawling with germs. Sylvester sticks his treat in a vase with books on top to prevent any escapes. Not noticing anything out of the ordinary, Granny takes him to the kitchen for supper.

As is expected of a cat, he turns his nose up at the canned stuff. See, cats were just never meant to be pets like pigs. Don’t ask me how humanity got their roles mixed up. All I can tell you youngin’s about is the glory of movie rental stores. There’s a third mammal in the house too: Hector the bulldog, but he’s tied up with a broken leg. Somehow got it from chasing Sylvester. He shouldn’t be an obstacle, but Sylvester is a black cat, and they’re like bad luck or something.

Granny takes notice of the oddly placed books, meaning Sylvester is going to have to act fast and cause a distraction. Anything that will further hurt the dog will be a plus. He makes Hector’s injured paw slam on the ground, and the dog howls. (The howls of pain in this short may sound familiar. I’ve heard them get reused in the films like “George of the Jungle” and games like “Frogger 2: Swampy’s Revenge”.) Properly distracted, Granny comes to give him medicine to ease the pain. Judging by the fear in his eyes and the green in his pallor, it’s nasty stuff.

When Sylvester finally gets back to his prize, he finds a TNT stick instead. The chase leads back over to Hector who gives the cat a bite. That sounded like a howl of pain! And that medicine isn’t the kind that you have to wait at least four hours between doses. Granny could make him chug the whole bottle if it wasn’t so expensive. Sylvester does a stupid thing in his panic, and hides Tweety in the dog’s mouth. Luckily, the medicine isn’t fatal to birds, as Tweety ends up taking the worst of it. But it’s a temporary victory, since when Hector smacks Sylvester with a club, his howls of pain summon Granny for a repeat performance.

Tweety decides to stick with Hector for protection, leading Sylvester to drastic measures. He hoists the fridge up via a rope, and aims to drop it on Hector. Even though the dog is for sure under its shadow, it ends up dropping on Sylvester. Black cats. Why aren’t there more cartoons where the bad luck they bring affects themselves? Sylvester is now laid up next to Hector and worse yet, will be subjected to the same toxic tonics. And worse than that? Tweety has been fiddling with the stuff and added whatever and so forth to the bottle. If Sylvester doesn’t die, the best case scenario will be like something out of Roald Dahl’s imagination.

Favorite Part: Hector saying Tweety will be taken over his dead body. (Which is surreal to hear him say after watching the entirety of “The Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries” and hearing him speak naught but typical canine noises.) Sylvester says that condition can be arranged. It’s cliche, but its always cool when someone says they’ll take them up on it.

Personal Rating: 3

Oh, and here’s this:

I know if you read my blog that you’ll have already seen this, but I wouldn’t be a good fan if I didn’t put it up. I’m excited, but cautious.