Category: Friz Freleng

Isadore Freleng was responsible for more Oscars won than any of his co-workers. Here’s anything he directed.

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September in the Rain

“Remember?”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Cal Dalton; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on December 18, 1937.

How many times have I discussed cartoons about product mascots coming to life? More than you have, I’ll wager. If I want to keep my lead, I’ll have to do it again. But doing things you’ve already done is pointless if you have nothing new to say. Good thing I’ve never claimed my life as anything but pointless. That means I can reuse text from previous posts if I need to.

During night, when no living person is around, the mascots for products come to life and… just sing and dance really. A blueing bottles sings “Am I blue?”, a disgusting rubber glove inflates itself to bounce to the music, and even some of our real world mascots join in. Like Camel camels and the Morton’s salt girl. I gotta admit though, some of the mascots don’t make sense to me. What do weeds have to do with scotch? If you count thistles as weeds, that is.

It’s a real honor to see this kind of stuff. You really want to know how the icons react to those who find out their living secret? They’ll try to eat you alive. That’s what the chicks on the “My am I?” powder do.  That worm/larvae is lucky to escape into some genetically modified apples. You ever been digested in a 2-d body? It hurts. You ever try to eat an apple bigger than your head in one sitting? It’s filling, but not organic.

Our title song comes from the guy pictured on the “Dream of Wheat” box. He sounds a bit like Al Jolson, but it couldn’t be him. This guy is legitimately black. (Except for his sometimes white chin.) His mother is Aunt Emma of the pancake flour for crying out loud! The only other possibility would be her encouraging her son to paint his skin, and save her the embarrassment of admitting she had to adopt.  I don’t like that one as much. More feelings are liable to get hurt.

Two cigarette icons dance together, and I want to ship them, but if they procreate, then there would be more pro-smoking ads in the world. I can’t allow that. Smoking took my Walt’s life! I wouldn’t want anyone else to live through that trauma. I forbid you two from seeing each other after this short ends.

Now then, if you thought this short was getting away with reusing footage from the past, it will be punished by having the upbeat parts stolen from it and reused in a future short that’ll leave more of a legacy. The “Gold Rust twins”, Armstrong and Cats, I mean-… actually, let’s just stick with Cats, start up a lively musical number of “Nagasaki”. All the hep cat icons join in, from Aunt Emma to the guys on the “Yea Man” hams. And since we don’t really have a way to end this, we won’t. We’ll just stop and hope you won’t notice. Good night!

Favorite Part: A piper on a coffee can (again with the no sense make) charms some toothpaste out of its tube. I’ve never seen snake toothpaste before.

Personal Rating: 1. There’s hardly anything here you haven’t seen before, and won’t see again. You want grocery gags? That’s Goofy.

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The Wacky Worm

“My word! A bird!”

These are wonderful days!

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Cal Dalton; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on June 21, 1941.

Wack is back! Even though this is his first appearance. With how confusing I needlessly make my blog, who’s really the wacky one here?

There’s a bird that looks like the lovechild of a mynah bird and a flamingo. He’s a crow, though. The title promised a worm, and wacky or not, that’s his favorite dish. Unlike the majority of birds that hunt via sight, he can make do via sound as Wack has just begun a song. Obnoxiously stretching out a note. Why does it bother me here, but not there? Because Jones sounded more musical? Because I’m a terrible hypocrite? Maybe I’m just having a bad day?

The bird doesn’t just pluck him away in the middle of the song, which gives us time to look at his weird chin he now has. God did not mean for birds to have a chin. Please get rid of it. And remove those feathers growing out of your beak too. At best they look like feminine eyelashes, but they’re mostly just eyesores, and I hate them. Were you jealous that you couldn’t grow a mustache and glued some pubes on to fake it? And as for you Mr. Worm, I notice your little hairs on your head can’t decide if they’re green or black. And are you wearing pants? I’m really asking.

Wack runs, with a cute bit that has his upper body stretching away from his feet as he goes. Hope you find that funnier than Charlie Chaplin, because they’re going to reuse it a couple more times. He hides in an apple, but the bird knows that all he has to do to find him is watch for the one apple that moves. Turns out, they all do. The answer to this puzzle is to watch the apple that can’t “see” where it’s going. That’s the dead one worn by a worm.

Wack next hides in the junk heap that is always in the middle of forests. The bird thinks he’s been cornerd in a phonograph, but Wack turns it on and ruptures his ear drums. He’s going to be hunting from sight from now on. Wack also hides in a toaster, that can operate even plugged out. (That should be a term. Let me influence you.) One shouldn’t be surprised that only toast comes out of a toaster. It’s tasty, but lacks protein, and birds shouldn’t be eating bread anyway. I applaud the crow for spitting it out. Healthy choices make for healthy bodies, or so the theory goes.

Hiding in a bottle of rubbing alcohol is no different than hiding in the drinkable stuff. Wack is loaded. He comes back to battle the bird, worm to bird. He dares the bird to punch him, and gets that wish. Now with sense knocked back in, he runs again. He takes refuge in apples once more, but since the crow knows the secret to locating him, he has to stay still. There’s only one solution now: eating every apple to find him. What’s worse than finding half a worm in an apple? Starving.

It takes some doing, but the crow eats his way through almost every fruit on the ground. He looks ready to ralph, but it’s the principle of the matter by this point. And protein is still protein. He reaches for his prize, when a woodpecker’s pecking sends down a fresh wave of tree eggs. The phrase usually calls for grapes, but I think we can make do with sour apples being the reason why the crow finally calls it quits.

Favorite Part: Crow: “You’re inebriated.” Wack: “Ah, yes! Disguisting, isn’t it?”

Personal Rating: 2. One gets the feeling that Wack is designed to appeal to babies here. They sacrifice wordy jokes or humorous slapstick for shouting and bouncy movements. I’m glad that Wack’s sequel improved everything. And I stand by that description.

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The Lyin’ Mouse

“I’m the rip-snorton’est, Edward Ever (sic) Horton’est, Charles Laughton’est, and you ain’t heard nort’in’nest lion in the whole world!”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng. Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Ken Harris; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on October 16, 1937.

It’s a first for this series! A “Melody” without a musical connection! Maybe it should stay this way…

There’s a mouse caught in a mousetrap. Thanks to maybe Bernice Hansen, I can never tell ’tis a buck or a doe. Fate’s been decent to me lately, I’ll let him/her/it decide. They’ve decided female. Since our mouse can’t free herself, she has to shout for aid. Unfortunately, that just attracts attention, and a hungry cat arrives on the scene. Good thing he always keeps sandwich fixin’s in the nearest crate. As is well known, when someone’s about to die, it’s customary to make them a sandwich.

Since they’re just the framing device for the short’s meat, I’ll not bother with names. But I will give kudos to the cat for not removing the mouse from the mousetrap, lest she has a chance to escape. She tries to change his mind on dinner by agreeing to do him a good turn in return for not killing her. And I guess freeing her is part of the bargain. The cat isn’t convinced that she could ever be of use to him, as he’s never heard the famous fable that concerned a mouse getting spared by a lion, and managing to save its life in return.

The mouse tells the tale. There was a lion that was a real bass, as most lions are. He lived in an area that nature couldn’t decide if it should be savanna or forest. He just called it a jungle for simplicity’s sake. His reputation was fierce enough to frighten off all the other animals who lived in this wacky biome. Including a bird that somebody finally realized didn’t belong on their farm. I’m just going to ignore it hiding its head underground via distraction. Look at that flamingo. Judging by his pallor, he’s not getting enough shrimp. If only he knew if he belonged here or not.

The local mouse in these parts gets… I guess I need to determine its identity too. This one will be male. So, HE gets his kicks by blowing a horn that sounds just like a lion. The animals flee again, but this time, the mammals decide to run further towards what could be their doom. Is it that hard to survive in this scientifically inaccurate locale? Be glad it’s not a taiga/coral reef. The lion isn’t amused by the mouse’s mockery, but his attention is almost instantly caught by a delicious aroma in the air.

There’s a roast chicken just being wasted behind him. He tells the mouse to vamoose, as he’s not worth the effort. The mouse promises to help him someday. The lion goes to grab the roast bird. It’s sitting in the middle of a bear trap, so he’s immune. But the man who set the tap, Frank Cluck, put in a fail safe in case he found something other than bears in Africa: a mousetrap that bursts through the bird and pinches the lion’s nose. But he’s also immune from that killing him. Frank Cluck needs a new tactic.

The next trap is a lamb tied to a tree. The lion needs a name so I can stop calling him ‘the lion’ again. For fun, let’s also name the mouse he met. For a switch-up, the Mouse can be named Leo. Logically, the lion is now Scorpius. (Not that Musculus doesn’t have a nice ring to it.) He can tell this is another trap, and turns to leave, but the lamb is quite the salesman. Even though his signs are misleading; he is NOT mutton yet. Whatever, Scorpius is eventually convinced and grabs him.

Instant boxing glove to the face! Now dazed, Scorpius is at the mercy of Frank who hogties him. He takes his prize to the circus. Such a shame that Leo couldn’t hold up his end of the bargain. Scorpius, once a king over all he saw, has been reduced to mere entertainment for the masses. It’s really quite sad. Scorpius, though as awesome as the featured quote says, isn’t too tough to cry. And guess what? Leo is right outside his cage! I guess he witnessed everything after all! He gnaws a hole out for the big cat, and they flee into the night.

The original mouse ends her story here, before she has to relate the part where the two are hunted by the entire country, and ultimately shot before getting back home. Good thing things have worked in her favor, as this cat is also moved to tears. He releases her, and the title comes true if her “sucker!” is any indication. Good thing the cat can reuse the bread.

Favorite Part: The fact that the mouse laughs as she is mustard-ed for the sandwich. It’s darkly funny, and adorably messed up.

Personal Rating: 3

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I’m a Big Shot Now

‘NAME YER PISEN’

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Animation by Jack Carr and Riley Thompson; Music by Bernard Brown. A Merrie Melody released on April 11, 1936.

The place is the very creatively named Birdville. Not Aves Acres. Or Fowl Fields. Not even Ornithoid Oasis. It’s Birdville and the birds here are fairly human. They don’t wear pants because you never know when an egg needs to come out and can’t wait. The males just follow common courtesy. And whatever you do: don’t give any attention to the woodpecker streaker. That’s exactly what he wants. Why he can’t be more civilized is beyond me. Maybe woodpeckers are just screwy.

But life isn’t all birdbaths and seed bells here. There are the hangouts of the lowlifes. The thug thrushes, felon finches, and brute buntings. It’s that saloon over there. How low are the birds in there? They’ve stooped to stealing dance scenes from old pictures!  At least they bothered to disguise half of themselves. But that’s only distraction for the crimes against nature they commit. Look at that head plumage change color! No doubt the work of Cuttlefish Chickadee!

The worst of them all is the blue one there, Spike. He’s got all the signs of your classic hoodlum: french shirt, dandy cap, a face mask that sometimes doesn’t reach all the way around his head, and Spike for a moniker. He’s had the basic life: born a softie, vowed to be a toughie, made it. And his tail feathers change color. Or, are they just very iridescent and seem to flash when the light hits them right? He doesn’t fear anybirdy. There’s a cop patrolling just outside, occasionally losing his badge, and turns around at blink-and-miss speeds. And Spike yanks him in to rough him up, before downing five shots of hooch. Since I don’t want to be on his bad side, I’ll note his collar disappearance as the last flub.

This saloon also happens to be right across the way from the bank. Spike looks at it like he had no clue it was even there. This the first time he’s visited during daylight hours? He gets his boys together to clean the place out. He gets to wait outside like bosses do. They get away, with the birds in blue (who aren’t bluebirds or bluejays) on their tail feathers. Are they driving on a sidewalk? Are there humans in this world? Or is this the same continuity “Peace on Earth” takes place in once the birds got sick of the squirrel’s preachy H.S.? (Human sh*t.)

We don’t see how, but the crooks get away. A moment of silence for the cops who no doubt got birdshot. They’re front page headliners now! But forget that! W.B. is expanding? Tubby Millar bought a home? And Freleng won an award? This paper predicts the future! There’s not a more rational explanation! Reward is placed at 500 worms. Okay, so, do they eat their currency? If they don’t, doesn’t it rot fast? And I notice you aren’t mentioning exactly what worms they are. You’re giving out soil nematodes, aren’t you?

The robbers are found because they were stupid enough to leave their car outside their birdhouse. Which is making me question the scale of this cartoon even more. The cop who finds the place looks about tanager size, but his backup are clearly on par with Elmer. What is canon! And why didn’t you leave your car in the woods and fly the loot here? You can fly, can’t you? That woodpecker could fly. And where is the rest of Spike’s spooks? Did he leave them for dead in the car chase? He’s a big cock now.

Gunfire is exchanged, but the drop is gotten on Spike when they shoot out the floor from under him. No, he can’t fly, he drops right into their clutches. Then how did he get up there? Let me guess, someone said your name backwards minus the ‘s’ and you lost your flight. (If you get that, you know I have a great sense of humor.) Superior numbers take him down, and he ends up being placed in his proper habitat, because he’s a jailbird. He’s already reforming. Just wait until his release.

Favorite Part: When the cops first fire at Spike in his liar, he proves how much of a big shot he is. He calmly fires back, with an almost bored look on his face. But when they shoot his flipping coin, now- now it’s serious!

Personal Rating: 3.

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Racketeer Rabbit

Oohh, Rocky’s really mad now!”

“I sorta look like Eddie Robinson, don’t I?”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy, Manny Perez, Ken Champin and Virgil Ross; Layouts and Backgrounds by Hawley Pratt and Paul Julian; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on September 14, 1946.

Since it’s raining, Bugs is opting to hunker down in an abandoned house for the night. Still, rabbits is rabbits and he digs a hole in the middle of the floor for his room. (Adding a doorknob just so he has something to hang the ‘Do not disturb’ sign on is a great touch.) Things don’t stay so quiet for long, as a pair of gangsters are speeding this way on the run from a rival gang. Gunfire is exchanged, but Bugs hardly notices. Nonchalantly ducking the flying bullets as he gets a drink.

You might be calling the gangsters Edward and Peter. Stop that. Only I get to give characters names around here. Besides, they’re already supplied. The smallish one is Hugo and the bigger one is Rocky. Some say this is technically the first appearance of our usual Rocky. I don’t. Rocky is a typical tough-guy name for a gangster, so why not use it for more than one of them? Time to divide the loot. Though Rocky is being slightly underhanded about dividing equally, he does still believe in giving some to every party. When Bugs sleepily asks his usual ‘what’s up?’, Rocky hands him his share.

Bugs doesn’t miss a beat. Donning hats as fast as an animated rabbit can, he poses as six other people to clean Rocky out of the remaining clams. He tries to leave, but Rocky isn’t so fooled and marches him back at gunpoint. He’s gonna tell exactly where he put the loot, but Bugs plays hardball until gun violence is threatened. Now his blabbing can’t be stopped, and its hurting the crooks’ eardrums. Only one thing to do now: take the rabbit for a “little ride”. Bugs happily obliges, and he and Hugo drive away.

One returns. Rocky asks if he got rid of him, and Bugs says yes, he won’t be bothering them again. And that’s all Hugo wrote. We never see him again! 40’s Bugs is so awesome. Terrifying and merciless, but mostly awesome. Good thing Rocky has said his prayers. When made aware of his lost partner, Rocky threatens to end Bugs. Hilariously enough, asking Bugs to help him get dressed while doing so. He demands the dough, and Bugs finally gives in, stipulating that Rocky cover his eyes so the hiding place can remain secret.

Rocky agrees to ten seconds sightless, which is all Bugs needs to mix flour, milk and an egg and give him the dough as all Toons do. (Wait, wouldn’t it be a batter by this point?) Bugs next appears in guise as a gangster named “Mugsy”, and if you’re going to consider the caricature to be Rocky’s first appearance, then I see no reason why this can’t be Mugsy’s. He tells Rocky it’s curtains for him. And they are darling. But Bugs is already on to his next guise: the police demanding Rocky give up.

Bugs dashes back to Rocky who begs for a hiding place. Bugs sticks him in a trunk with orders to stay quiet while he handles things. He tells his cop persona that Rocky is most definitely NOT in the trunk, because he wouldn’t be sticking swords through it if he was. See my earlier merciless statement. The “cop” says he’s taking Rocky with him, and drags the trunk down the stairs. Bugs responds by dragging it back up. He promises to take the cop on bare-handed, asking Rocky hold a clock while he does so. Huh. Sorta looks like a bomb.

Explodes like one too. Bugs declares the danger gone, but Rocky has wisened up, see? Yeah, he runs after the faux popo pleading for safety from the terrifyingly merciless but mostly awesome bunny.

Favorite Part: The billboard the thugs drive by at first. Not the side advertising ‘Hotel Friz’ (where I vacation every year) but the opposite advertising ‘Krools smokes’. (Insert obligatory Donkey Kong reference.) What is the best slogan ever made for a product? ‘They’re awful but you can buy them’ Funny is always best when it’s true.

Personal Rating: 4.

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A Street Cat named Sylvester

“I tawt I taw a tweety bird.”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Virgil Ross, Arthur Davis, Manuel Perez, and Ken Champin; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc. Music: Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on September 5, 1953.

That title is a lie. Sylvester is very much a pet today. But the pun! Too tempting! And yet, Tweety still gets the star billing. He’s been around longer.

Things start off in the style of their first team-up: Tweety is taking note of how winter is the death of all joy and will to live in the world, and only barely managing to stay warm via the heat of a cigar butt. Fate’s wind blows him into a house, and he bangs on the door, pleading for sanctuary. He’s putting a lot of effort into his door pounding, but no human would be able to hear his little fist-wings over the howl of that gale. That door would need to be answered by a feline, but what, are we supposed to believe this is a cartoon?

Sylvester is delighted by what is on the other side of the door. You gotta take advantage when opportunity knocks, and take it he does. It always makes me laugh when he licks Tweety like a ice-pop. That’s as far as he gets before Granny is attracted by the noise. She’d probably try to interfere and keep him from eating something crawling with germs. Sylvester sticks his treat in a vase with books on top to prevent any escapes. Not noticing anything out of the ordinary, Granny takes him to the kitchen for supper.

As is expected of a cat, he turns his nose up at the canned stuff. See, cats were just never meant to be pets like pigs. Don’t ask me how humanity got their roles mixed up. All I can tell you youngin’s about is the glory of movie rental stores. There’s a third mammal in the house too: Hector the bulldog, but he’s tied up with a broken leg. Somehow got it from chasing Sylvester. He shouldn’t be an obstacle, but Sylvester is a black cat, and they’re like bad luck or something.

Granny takes notice of the oddly placed books, meaning Sylvester is going to have to act fast and cause a distraction. Anything that will further hurt the dog will be a plus. He makes Hector’s injured paw slam on the ground, and the dog howls. (The howls of pain in this short may sound familiar. I’ve heard them get reused in the films like “George of the Jungle” and games like “Frogger 2: Swampy’s Revenge”.) Properly distracted, Granny comes to give him medicine to ease the pain. Judging by the fear in his eyes and the green in his pallor, it’s nasty stuff.

When Sylvester finally gets back to his prize, he finds a TNT stick instead. The chase leads back over to Hector who gives the cat a bite. That sounded like a howl of pain! And that medicine isn’t the kind that you have to wait at least four hours between doses. Granny could make him chug the whole bottle if it wasn’t so expensive. Sylvester does a stupid thing in his panic, and hides Tweety in the dog’s mouth. Luckily, the medicine isn’t fatal to birds, as Tweety ends up taking the worst of it. But it’s a temporary victory, since when Hector smacks Sylvester with a club, his howls of pain summon Granny for a repeat performance.

Tweety decides to stick with Hector for protection, leading Sylvester to drastic measures. He hoists the fridge up via a rope, and aims to drop it on Hector. Even though the dog is for sure under its shadow, it ends up dropping on Sylvester. Black cats. Why aren’t there more cartoons where the bad luck they bring affects themselves? Sylvester is now laid up next to Hector and worse yet, will be subjected to the same toxic tonics. And worse than that? Tweety has been fiddling with the stuff and added whatever and so forth to the bottle. If Sylvester doesn’t die, the best case scenario will be like something out of Roald Dahl’s imagination.

Favorite Part: Hector saying Tweety will be taken over his dead body. (Which is surreal to hear him say after watching the entirety of “The Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries” and hearing him speak not but typical canine noises.) Sylvester says that condition can be arranged. It’s cliche, but its always cool when someone says they’ll take them up on it.

Personal Rating: 3

Oh, and here’s this:

I know if you read my blog that you’ll have already seen this, but I wouldn’t be a good fan if I didn’t put it up. I’m excited, but cautious.

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Goldilocks and the Jivin’ Bears

“Jitterbugs!”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Ken Champin; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on September 2, 1944.

Wasn’t “Coal Black” great? The answer is yes with an asterisk and a lengthy footnote. Wouldn’t it be great to do another parody of a Disney picture as an all black jazz number? Same answer as above. Too bad by this time in history Walt only had the one fairy tale feature film to his name, and those “Silly Symphonies” just wouldn’t do. (Although now there is a sickly curious part of me who wants to see what “The 3 Black Pigs” would have been like.) Guess we’ll just have to parody one of our shorts. Tex is no longer here. No permission needed to doctor “The Bears Tail.”

Like “C.B.” we have a narrator who only appears at the beginning, but his voice at least stays all the way through. Good thing. This story is so complex that I need his help. There are indeed three bears, and *sigh* the narrator specifically states that they are of the black species. Obvious joke is still hurtful. We’ll just call them what the picture does: Big Size, Middle Size, and Wee Small. Big has that Stepin Fetchit look, Middle is all Fats Waller, and Wee… I don’t know. I can tell he’s voiced by Mel, at least. The other two both sound like Fats because… I don’t know.

Now, because these are black bears, they are uneducated, have unflatteringly large lips, and are quite the talented musicians. At least that one is a positive stereotype? They got a good jam going, but they’re playing so hard that soon all their instruments get too hot. (Okay. That’s actually pretty clever.) Only thing to do now is take a walk and let them cool. While they do that, let’s check on their neighbors. They live just across the way from Grandma’s house, and the story there is also underway: there’s a wolf in the old lady’s bed waiting on the arrival of Red Riding Hood.

Aw, what the heck. Let’s explain the lack of Red with a callback to another short. Red is now the one doing her part for the war effort, as the telegram boy explains. Here’s where the Stepin voice went. I did get a chuckle at him obliging when the wolf says “Well kill me dead!” at hearing the news. The wolf managed to dodge the shot, and he soon sees Goldilocks entering the other house. Goldilocks in name only, or she’d probably look like this:

Guess it was really a jinx.

And just like So White, she doesn’t look that bad. At least if you can accept the opinion of a white guy. I can’t legally say she’s attractive though. Isn’t Goldilocks traditionally a minor? She may have been aged up, but I’ll bet she’s in her teens. Good thing the wolf has nothing sexual about his predatory ways. Since there’s no porridge in this tale, I guess Goldi just broke in to use the facilities and then, sure, why not take a nap? There’s always the possibility that this really is a BNB.

The majority of beds are either too hard, or too soft. The latter of which I never thought would suck sleeping in. The last one is just right, except for the wolf. Chase ensues, and it’s at that time that the bears return. The struggling two can be mistaken for dancers, and since the bears are uneducated, that’s what they see them as. They start the music, and the wolf plays along. Only problem is, Goldi isn’t afraid of him now and forces him to be her dance partner. And can that girl dance! It’s exhausting for an animal that was meant to walk on all four legs. He tries to leave, but can’t escape.

I lied. Once he boards up the doors and windows, he can retreat back to the safety of Grandma’s. Red finally does show up and… wow. I really thought the trend of making the black ladies in these cartoons look good would continue. No such luck. First of all, she has really long legs paired with a really short dress that is completely hidden by her hood in the back. Makes her look almost nude. And her face is reminiscent of Sunflower the centaurette. The only time comparing somebody to “Fantasia” isn’t the highest form of compliment.

The wolf is still too worn out to get after Red, and his problems increase when the bears find him again. Since Grandma has all the instruments they play on hand, the party can last as long as the bears can. And this isn’t one of those stories where the wolf ate Grandma. She comes out of the cupboard to force the wolf to dance some more. A perfect revenge.

Favorite Part: Big Size recommending the walk. The other two find the idea stupid, and refuse to take part. He’s got to show them the book takes his side to get them to agree.

Personal Rating: 2. And that’s a very low 2. Music is great, there’s a couple of decent jokes that don’t rely on the characters being black, and Goldi really does look good. But I don’t think any of those points are strong enough to cancel out the negative aspects. But as my scoring system states: if there’s a smidge of good that I think keeps it from being totally unviewable, it gets the 2. Still, it’s a good thing this was the last of the Censored 11 to get made. That’s 11 times too many to make cartoons we have to be ashamed of to this day.

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This is a Life?

“Easthy sthomach. Don’t turn over.”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Ted Bonnicksen and Arthur Davis; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Music by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on July 9, 1955.

That title is the title of my favorite show! It’s a program where they take someone from the audience, usually well known, and honor them by asking about their life story, showing some clips from their past, bringing on important people from their history, maybe even giving you a present at the end. Just in case it’s me this week, my guest stars will be named Richard, Megan, and Sabra. (The first two will not be pleased to interact with me again.) My gift can be every one of my characters as drawn by an animator I admire. Sally Cruikshank can do my self-insert, Tartakovsky can do the assassin, and Gooseworx can do the pogo-stick creature that has fingers coming out of its arms.

Drat my luck! Considering the celebs we got in the audience, I don’t fancy my chances. Granny, Bugs AND Daffy? I’ll be lucky to appear on the camera feed. Emcee Elmer says that our mystery guest is beloved in motion pictures, so that rules out me and Buddy. The person also is thoughtful of others, generous, charitable… Daffy is certain it’s none other than himself. Admitting that this constant praise would only be embarrassing if it wasn’t all true. And here comes Elmer now. Daffy happily introduces himself and tells Elmer that there’s much to tell. Don’t waste time talking to the rabbit next to him, just read out the name already!

So after Bugs is summoned to the stage, Elmer asks for him to start from the beginning. Bugs describes a scene he saw in “Fantasia” once. The Earth was young and tumultuous. Quakes and volcanoes abounded, but in a bit of water, life was starting out as microscopic blobs called protists. They probably used their flagella to kiss. That’s too far back for Elmer’s liking, so Bugs fast-forwards to 1947, when a hare was born in Manhattan.  We’re in a clip show after all. Shame Elmer cuts it after his first words. He wants to talk about the first time they met. Would that be “A Wild Hare” or “The Old Grey Hare“?

Guess I’m a pretty poor scholar. They first met in “Hare Do“. Duh! We just get to see Elmer lured over a cliff, before it’s time to move on. I love Bugs’s cheeky grin at remembering this. And Elmer’s book changes colors too. Elmer is a wizard. Time for a voice from Bugs’s past. It’s loud, gruff, rough, tough, devoid of fluff, buff, full of guff, a bit of huff, and that’s enough: it’s Yosemite Sam. Come to tell about the time Bugs was on his ship. Always a good idea to remember “Buccaneer Bunny“, but Sam never said it was a picture. Was he really a pirate in this continuity? Has he done hard prison time, then? Did he ever get another parrot?

Bugs is enjoying this trip through memory lane, but he’s the only one laughing. He even makes note of the time he threw lit matches in Sam’s powder room. Great callback! But the next two are total fabrications. Putting eels in their bed sounds kinda crass for Bugs, and covering them in cement is too dark. Elmer and Sam start plotting at this point, putting a lit bomb in a box for the bunny. Bugs takes it, but tries regifting once he hears it ticking. Do time bombs get lit fuses? A game of (extremely) hot potato erupts. Despite everything indicating the bomb was lit onstage and seen by everybody, Daffy decides to claim it for himself. Ah, but he probably had his eyes shut for most of it. Pleased to get what he claims is rightfully is, he explodes with happiness.

Favorite Part: Daffy complaining about his limelight being stolen by a nobody. While he rants, Granny starts looking for something. He correctly guess it’s her umbrella she wants, so he hands it to her. Glad to have it back, she smacks him. Almost makes me ignore the crazy eyes she has. Do the elderly enjoy crack?

Personal Rating: 3. I’m normally not so generous to the shorts that reuse clips, but the wrap around segment was enjoyable, took up most of the screen time, and showed a beautiful contrast of Bugs and Daffy’s egos.

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Plenty of Money and You

“It’s the bane of digestion, but that’s not the question…”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Animation by Cal Dalton and Phil Monroe; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on July 31, 1937.

Ah, my advice was taken to heart! These pictures will be merrily rolling along until the studio has to close. I’d wager that we have maybe 27 years until then. I’m very good at predicting events that predate me.

On your everyday poultry farm, (which, incidentally isn’t really yours.) you can expect to find the galliformes and anseriformes that always end up on your plate either before or after utero. Er, ovaro. One hen’s eggs are just hatching into adorable chicks. There’s yellow ones, and a brown one, a yellow and brown one, a yellow and gray one, and a black and white and gray one. Must be a first clutch, given how shocked she is to see new life emerge from rocks that exited her cloaca. Maybe she’s just shocked to find they were fertile after all? A rooster with a condom just can’t be trusted. And then the last egg hatches.

Add a tall one to the list. A stupidly tall one, even. Heck, an ostrich one! That’s an ostrich, that is. An stupidly tall one at that. Biggest extant bird or not, those hens should still be taller if he’s just hatched. It’s a bit of a shock, but we’re not going to do the whole “ugly duckling” story here. Just standard, stereotypical, animated ostrich fare. I.E., eating whatever he comes across. He spots a fish in the opposite yard, behind a fence. He tries for that. I… I never expected an animated ostrich to try and eat something actually edible. Too bad the hole he’s sticking his neck through is too thin for the fish to pass through to the crop. It gets away, and I’m a little sad.

He has better luck eating an auto jack that he finds after tumbling into the farm’s basement. I’d like to know who is owning these fowl and whether he or she knows what is running around. Anyway, now the little guy is trying for something that makes actual sense for him to eat: a worm. A worm that I swear fluctuates in size, but never mind that. It can sprout limbs! I don’t blame it for fleeing. Yeah, something’s trying to eat it, but that thing also has permanent bedroom eyes. I don’t like that. Chicks were never meant to have those!

The worm escapes, and the chick gets distracted by a living hose that has nothing else to do but squirt him in the eyes. He tries to eat this, and manages to get a good length swallowed before it turns itself on and gives him a reverse enema. He hides his head under the ground. And I’m not upset about it. You see, he just hatched today, so he’s uneducated but what’s more, he’s escaping something scary that was squirting his eyes. It makes sense to try hiding those in the nearest place you can. The downside of sticking your head in strange holes, is you never know if something is already living there. Like a giant weasel, per se?

This guy has my sympathy. I too long for a chance to try ostrich meat without actually having to travel. It’d be one of those once in human history miracles, like finding a significant other online, liking black licorice, or having Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse in the same movie. This is going to be dream feast. Oh, but what’s death without a last meal? The chick thinks those fireworks will do just as well. And since he’s now been stuffed, he’s ready for the oven. I forget, do fireworks ignite just with the heating of the area, or would gizzard juices render them useless?

Never mind. The cartoon just answered my question. Bringing a new literal meaning to projectile vomiting, the weasel’s dinner has become very volatile indeed. Never thought I’d see fireworks coming out of the ground, but I also never thought I was any good at writing. The weasel doesn’t die, but he’s lost his appetite. He angrily gives the mother back what’s hers. Look at that adorable hug! She’ll know how to soothe his angry tummy; mothers have these magical healing gifts.

Favorite Part: The weasel’s cookbook. It’s entry on ‘ostrich a la king’ equates to giving up and getting some Chinese. And check out it’s pelican recipe. Judging by the ingredients, it’s “road” island style.

Personal Rating: 2

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A Kiddie’s Kitty

“How did you get your face all bwue?”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Arthur Davis, Gerry Chiniquy and Ted Bonnicksen; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Music by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on August 20, 1955.

Do you like animal abuse? That’s great if you do, because I love animal abuser abuse. You’ll enjoy today’s picture, and I’ll enjoy cutting your toes off. One. By. One.

I’m joking. The cartoon doesn’t go too far in the bad taste department. I’m sure there are some overly sensitive types who won’t find anything here funny. I’m just here to supply a summary and a grade. With new visitors weekly, it’s always good of me review how things work around here.

Suzanne is a little girl who likes to have fun. Hard fun. The kind that makes you a villain in the “Toy Story” franchise. She requests an actual cat because, as she puts it, “They’re heads down’t come off!” That means she once tried it. Her mom denies her. If the kid can’t take care of her toys, why should she be trusting with a living, breathing, capable of bleeding, animal? (That and her overalls change color.) Enter Sylvester. He’s on the run from a bulldog and has taken refuge in Suzanne’s yard. She declares him her new pet, and it’s either that or the dog. Sylvester opts for option A.

Now, a good rule of thumb for adopting any animal off the street is to start things off by bathing them. Young as she it, Suzanne doesn’t know that a washing machine is for clothes and clothes alone. Good thing this is a cartoon and therefore already devoid of oxygen. It’s rough, but Sylvester is clean now. Time for some food. The two creep to the kitchen, but Mrs. Suzannesmomerson is on the alert. And immediately guesses that her daughter brought a cat in the house. She really has no reason to suspect this. Unless Sylvester isn’t a first attempt…

Suzanne hides him in the fridge until the heat is off. Okay. That was a cheap shot. She tries to warm him up via electric blanket, but sets it too high. I’ve heard of hot dogs, but not cats. Okay. That was an awful shot. Kitchen is off limits, so Suzanne has got to improvise. Luckily she’s a kid! They have imagination that can make anything edible! What we call ‘mud’, she calls “liver and sardines”. And it’s like the old party question goes: would you rather eat mud or be eaten by a dog? The former isn’t too good on your teeth, or entire digestive tract really unless you’re an earthworm. Long term or short term; which is the right death for you?

Suzanne is fairly cute, but she does have a heavy lidded expression that suggests ample television viewing. But c’mon, it’s ‘Captain Electronic! in outer space’! All the kids are watching it, and it has generational appeal. It’s the 50’s “Bluey”! And it molds impressionable minds. Suzanne has an idea that loses audience sympathy. Before, her actions were adorably naive. Now she’s trying to launch a cat into space with an empty fishbowl on his head. At least she put the fish in a bucket. Hey wait! You have a pet already? What, a beautiful, elegant, charming goldfish isn’t good enough for you? Her firecracker doesn’t launch the cat, but it does end up in his “helmet”.

The badly battered putty is finally noticed by the Mrs. Despite what you’re thinking, she actually DOES concede to her daughter’s wishes. Maybe she just feels sorry for the cat? Seems like he’s been through a lot. He’ll need a bath to start things off. Maybe some food. Sylvester is through. Having had enough, he goes back to the dog. At least with him he has a fighting chance. As for Suzanne, this was her only film. But she did manage to appear in Looney Tunes Comics on the occasion. There, she looked even more like Dolly Keane, despite predating her. And her usual nemesis? Ralph Phillips!

Favorite Part: Suzanne lowers suspicion about the saucer of milk she’s poured by pretending to be a cat herself. It’s a believable thing for a child to do, and I figure most parents would think its rather cute. Her mom tells her to cut the crap. (Witch.)

Personal Rating: Depends on if you think Suzanne goes too far. 2 if yes, 5 if not.

Kidding. I just didn’t want you to correctly guess that it couldn’t do better than a 3.