Category: One Shots

No established characters here. Doesn’t necessarily mean that they automatically suck.

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The Bug Parade

“This is hard to believe, isn’t it?”

Supervision by Fred Avery; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Rod Scribner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on October 11, 1941.

You’re gonna make me say it, aren’t you? My reputation as a zoologist precedes me by this, my 762nd post. You expect it. You demand it. You’re holding my keyboard at gunpoint until I comply. *groan* I hate doing predictable jokes. All right! ALL RIGHT! *sigh*………………………………..

That title bugs me. Happy? There’s actually zero bugs featured in today’s short, despite what the title promises. At least the narrator uses the more appropriate term, “insects.” But I still don’t trust him. You’re lucky you have a friend like me who suffers from correctile dysfunction. If it’s not an insect, I won’t let you ignore the slip up.

So, spot gags again. Like a children’s joke book got animated to life, and the first chapter was about houseflies. Or as the cartoon correctly refers to, Musca domestica. I’m already being lulled into a false sense of security. Makes me willing to laugh at the weak joke about the fly’s feet being literal suction cups. Or…

………………………………………………………..

*sigh* The scariest freaking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Yes, I’ve alwsys suffered from a mild case of ommetaphobia. It wasn’t the pink elephants making it hard for me to watch “Dumbo”! So, while I appreciate the short finding a way to illustrate that a housefly eye is more akin to many smaller eyes, why do they have to be drawn in a semi-realistic style? Giving the usually toothless insect a mouth of teeth is just making the uncanny levels higher. I think… I think I’ll go have a bit of a lie down.

Let’s move away from flies. (Heh. As if we could.) Let’s make a joke about wasps. Ooh, so close with the Latin. It’s Vespula, not Vespa. Notice her slim figure. A very narrow abdomen that pinches off of her thorax. It’s really quite sexy. Until her girdle bursts of course, revealing her as either a cute bee, or an obese wasp. (Vespula girthica. The only insect species with breasts.) Then, speaking of bees, they act like a queen bee is its own species. But yes, she would be the one laying the eggs. You’ve earned a treat.

Then, what I was dreading this whole time: a gag about a spider. An animal that never was, and never will be an insect. Oh, it has six legs? Then I guess they have me on a technicality. Too bad they’ve given up with the scientific names by this point; devolving into pure jokes. Makes me wonder if the earlier mistakes were actually intentional. They probably were, and I’m just too uptight about these things. Or, much more likely, I’m a misunderstood genius who doesn’t get his @$$ kissed enough. Not sure which one I prefer.

We get our usual, fireflies looking nothing like actual fireflies bit, a moth being attracted to a flame because he wants to prevent fires, and another sentence that makes no sense to anyone majoring in zoology. Did he really just say that a myriapod is an insect? Ow, my every cubic inch of my centipede loving heart! It really burns. And I know I’m not revealing many punchlines. I’ll make it up to you with another coloring error: the centipede’s mouth. Oh, and I do have to give more credit to their depiction of a lou- I’m sorry, cootie. Yeah, bet you didn’t know that they were real, did you? I like how its legs look like the grasping claws it should have.

Hmmm… Nope! I don’t see a snail appearing in a short that was named after bugs, but then was mentioned it would be about insects, and now has been showing other arthropods. Clearly, we’re meant to see the parasitic fly larvae that resemble buck teeth. As for the silkworms, I don’t see why they are so butt-hurt about humans switching to nylon. Don’t they know that we kill them when we harvest their silk? Priorities, kids. As for their ant jokes, I’m lost on the one where a red and black ant politely say hello to one another. Is the joke that they didn’t fight to the death? Is it that they have male voices when the lack of wings suggests they’re female? Is it just a subversion of our expectations since they aren’t speaking in stereotypical black and native American voices?

Our last gag is probably the best one. It’s about the marbled orb weaver spider; an arachnid that comes complete with villain mustache and Billy Bletcher voice. He announces that he loves little flies, and lowers himself down to one. And can you really blame him? She is a rather fetching fly, at that. Only two eyes, pouty kissable lips, luscious lashes… Almost makes it hard to notice the spider grew another four limbs. I guess he was really a spider crab the whole time.

Favorite Part: There was real effort in those scientific names. Even if they were unintentional mistakes, people were clearly doing research. I have to commend them.

Personal Rating: Well, it’s a 1 for me because I can’t turn my zoologist mindset off. You probably don’t have this problem, but I can’t rate it higher than a 2. Maybe Avery should stick to phony travelogues for his gag pictures. And… HEY! FRED? WHERE ARE YOU FLEEING TO? You’re not leaving forever… are you? I swear I was just jesting!

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The Rattled Rooster

“Merci beaucoup.”

Directed by Arthur Davis; Animation by Don Williams, John Carey, Basil Davidovich, and J.C. Melendez; Story by Dave Monahan; Layouts by Don Smith; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on June 26, 1948.

Early birds get worms. Scholars have stated this for centuries. It makes sense too. Worms like it dark so as not to harm their delicate skin. Therefore, you want worms; you don’t sleep. Our titular rooster aims to follow this rule. He’s not only going to hunt at 5 A.M., but he’s also going to make it so the clock doesn’t wake his coopmates. All is according to plan, except for the creaking of the door. The bachelor flock stampedes him going out, and coming back. All having had a wonderful breakfast. Rich in protein and water. The perfect way to start the day. (I’ve become too accustomed to Foghorn scale. It’s surreal to see roosters the size of roosters.)

Rattles, as I’m going to call him and I’m honestly surprised if you weren’t, decides to go out anyway. I’ve found worms in the P.M. hours before. I’m sure he can too. But it looks like other cockerels have nabbed them all but one. A worm in a turtleneck and sailor cap. Which means we have to call him Seaman Fishhook. He’s not easily caught. I bet it’s the arms. Worms could rule this Earth if they all had arms. When Rattles tries reaching for him underground, the worm does a little finger painting that leads to Rattles hammering his own digit at Fishhook’s suggestion.

Fishhook makes use of other objects resemblance to worms to get Rattles on a chase of the wild goose variety, instead. Toothpaste leads to a beakful of hygiene, and a balloon to a gizzard of air. After a record flight by chicken standards, Rattles is gasping for air in a pond. The line Fishhook throws to him is a telephone wire. I prefer original, but extra-crispy is pretty good too. And the grilled was also quite tasty. Are there any locations still selling that as an option? And there. Now I’ve filled enough space to warrant another paragraph break.

Fishhook finds a neat little toy amongst a rubbish pile: a rattle. Just attach it to the posterior and he’s disguised as an animal that no animal wants to mess with, sans Steve Irwin: a rattlesnake. And Rattles is deceived. He faints, screaming so loud in his head doing so, that I can hear his thoughts. Wait, were you saying that out loud? You should move your beak then. That way I can tell. He’s not the only one fooled, as along comes a lady snake, hopping like she’s Rattly’s mother. She probably is. And it does take two rattlesnakes to rumba, so she warps him up in a hug.

She’s a cutie. Usually I find rattlesnakes beautiful, majestic, maybe a little imposing, charismatic, and not that tasty. (If I’ve actually eaten one, which I doubt.) Fishhook isn’t in the same boat, as he does his best to escape her coils. I’m sure there are some viewers who are enjoying this scene a little too much. I’m not one to shame other’s kinks. Unless it’s this one. Shame on you. Be like me and just wish you could adopt her. I think Kaa has finally been dethroned as my favorite serpent. He can still be my favorite constrictor, though.

Rattles by this point, has figured out that what he saw was just a worm in disguise. But what he yanks out of the hole has scales, so she probably isn’t an eel. Definitely not a worm either. And caecilian is right out. She’s either friendly or hungry, as she begins chasing Rattles too. Come on guys! She’s not bothering me, so leave her alone! But no, they’ve got to get rid of her in the most cruel fashion. They hit a golf ball down her throat, knocking her off her bounce and getting her front half caught in a fence knothole. Then another and now she’s stuck until she starves. Cowards. Bullies. Cads. But I guess you’re not thieves.

Satisfied, they shake hands and go separate ways. Rattles’s brain suddenly remembers that Fishhook is a worm, and they equal breakfast. While chasing, he gets his head caught in another knothole and is also put there for keeps thanks to another golf ball. The vivacious viper seems quite glad for the company.

Favorite Part: During the chase, Rattles is caught in a pipe, and gets blasted out due to Fishhook giving him a hotfoot. He assumes the worm wouldn’t dare do that again, but he does. However, it doesn’t play out like copy and paste footage. See Speedy? This is how you should always do it.

Personal Rating: 3. Really folks, I can’t recall a more adorable reptile. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to snort some onions so I can make myself cry. I was really looking forward to “Bye, Bye Bunny.” It’s a good thing I still have a couple hundred cartoons to discuss, because my reasons to live seem to get smaller every month.

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The Merry old Soul

“Daddy!”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Riley Thompson; Music by Norman Spencer. A Merrie Melody released on August 17, 1935.

For many of us, life equates to misery. And being social creatures, misery is subtracted by keeping company. Therefore, the only way you’ll ever be happy in life is to get married. (Note: this is not exact science. Many people are even more depressed after tying the knot. I actually know nothing about happiness, joy or cheer.)

Even someone as merry as King Cole is just faking it most of the time. Pipes and bowls do nothing for his mood. Even his fiddlers would rather stick just with themselves. That’s why they got a bow that can play all three of their fiddles at once. Now, they never have to part. Good thing he’s a king! Ladies love powerful types. Even better, his kingdom is full of wonderful bachelorettes. The winner of the regal roulette is none other than the woman formerly known as the little old lady who lived in a shoe. Now she’s going by Mrs. Cole.

Everyone is happy for the couple. Humpty, Spoon, and Dish are so glad that their lips almost slip off their faces. Talk about mouthing off. Others were so gleeful that they cloned themselves so the background could repeat if necessary. It’s close enough that I don’t think casual viewers will notice. And Puss in Boots shouldn’t be here. He’s a fairy tale character! No, they are not the same thing as nursery rhymes. Either choose one, or you’ll have to say they live in a world of nursery tales. And no one wants that.

With the ceremony over at long last, now Cole can get to know his wife. He clearly never read her life story like the rest of us, since he’s surprised to find that now HE has so many children; he doesn’t know what to do. Who would have thought that getting married meant you’d have to share responsibilities? Actually, why would he think that? Being a king means he has servants to do things like that. And why aren’t they living in his castle? Is a shoe that much of an upgrade? It’s not even real leather.

And so, Cole is now worse off then he’s ever been. Even his three-way fiddlers gleefully sing about how lousy his life is. I won’t lie, it got a smile out of me. And I’m the morose one! His main duties are caring for the youngest ones. Mrs. Cole is no longer in the picture, so you can assume she married him to have a babysitting cuckold, and I’ll assume that she’s busy caring for the older ones. I like to imagine that all marriages work out, and the two involved never stop enjoying each other’s company.

Caring for these babies means giving them a good bath. Scrub them down, then let them rinse off in a lazy river. It looks soothing to me. Well, not that automatic ear cleaner. That’s a good way to spread infections. Next, drying and powdering. Sometimes the kids have hair, sometimes they don’t. They must’ve gotten it from their biological father. Now, which nursery tale character could he have been? Can I make him up?

Jeremiah Dread, sucked his hair into his head, which then gave a little tickle to his brain. Filled with mirthful glee, he then rolled into the sea, and we never, ever, spoke of him again.

Answers all my questions.

The next step seems pointless: Cole uses balloons to float the infants over to the next conveyor belt. What’s the point of that? Just giving them a little knees breeze before their loins are once more imprisoned in their diapers? Then you slip them into pajamas and they’re ready for bed. They like to have a lullaby while they’re rocked, and don’t dare try to sneak off before the rem cycle. They’ll scream. When they finally snooze, Cole decides to take a breather himself. But two tykes aren’t unconscious…

It’s Nip and Tuck. They’re the naughty ones. They start the rocker up full blast, which not only shakes their siblings awake, but flings them onto Cole. He joins them in their bawling. The end.

That was a depressing ending. But it’s relatable, right folks? I guess we’ve all learned that true happiness can only be achieved by childless couples. With a dog.

Favorite Part: I have a strange sense of humor. I thought it was funny that three of their children aren’t Winken, Blinken, and Nod. Rather four of their children are Winken, Blinken, AND, and Nod. It’s abstractly cruel.

Personal Rating: 1. Putting aside the unpleasant finale, it’s mostly nothing but a baby factory picture. We’ve seen that before, but better, and later, but fantastic.

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Dangerous Dan McFoo

“What a pretty GIRL, WOW!”

Supervision by Fred Avery; Story by Rich Hogan; Animation by Paul Smith; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on July 15, 1939.

When done right, parodies are tons of fun! Such is the case with this picture. You don’t even have to know what’s being parodied to enjoy your self. So… does that actually make it a failure as a parody? I don’t mean to besmirch you, Tex! It’s just a talent I have.

Now, the Malibu Saloon may seem silent, but that’s an untrue fact.  If you don’t blink then you will catch the patrons’ whooping act. I wouldn’t doubt that any of them are hounds of hell, since everyone is an anthropomorphic canine. Our titular character is a gambling Dan who’s playing a game of pachinko. His voice is what we in the biz like to call comedy gold that you should really create a character for. I say we take that Egghead character who just barely had his last appearance, and develop him into a new vessel for these golden pipes. It’ll get gweat wesults!

Then, out of the night, and out of the cold, and into our humble saloon, there stumbled a dirty dog type guy, who really makes this ‘toon. Oh, man. I don’t know who this guy is, or what brought him here or how he takes his coffee, but I’m instantly in love with him. You shouldn’t inherently think Tourette syndrome is funny, but you don’t have much of a choice here. It’s like Dan Backslide as a furry, and how could you say no to that? Since we have a one Dan limit in here, I’m calling him Don Barkslide.

Even if we don’t know his tale, we know what he’s here to do. He’s got his eyes fixated on Dan’s lady, known as Sue. The spitting image of Bette Davis! You don’t see it? Just squint a little… there you go! But he’ll have to settle for being friends at best because she’s loyal to Dan. Don isn’t impressed with the twerp, even when with his feebly hilarious roars. This calls for a referee! He tells the two to settle this like…men,(?) with a little boxing. When you work with THE Tex Avery, you realize that no gag is too outlandish if it works for the scene. Thus, a street car that constantly pokes in to act as the bell.

With the crowning cry of a ringside bell, the match begins in earnest, and the combatants go to town in a frightful, whirling dervish. Dan may not look like it at fifth glance, but he’s a pretty even match for Don. None of them seem to take any lasting harm by the time round one is over. (Dan McFoo for “Punch Out!!”) After a refreshing shave, Don is ready to win. (I know what I typed.) He ain’t kidding around no more. He’s quick to turn Dan into a literal punching bag. Dan, in turn, proves he’s the bigger…man(?) by calling him out for cheating. That’s not just horseshoes in that glove, that’s a horse.

Their anger is near to bursting, just like a pent-up flood, let’s continue with the fight and see if they draw blood. Round 3 is typically where the best action happens, and we are fortunate enough to have a cartoon willing to pause itself to let us see the best bits. But they’re still evenly matched, and worse yet, innocent bartenders are getting caught in the crossfire. The narrator decides to get involved and gives the combatants some pistols. Finally, a guarantee that at least one of them will die.

The lights arbitrarily go out, we get a “scream” from Sue, when lit once more one… man(?) is down, it’s dangerous Dan McFoo. Sue begs and pleads for him to say one thing to her; prove that he’s all right. I think his simple “hewwo” suffices. (Me personally, I’d be begging for Don to speak again. He didn’t get nearly enough lines.)

Favorite Part: Don all the way. Louder doesn’t inherently mean funnier. Unless you’re Mel Blanc.

Personal Rating: 3 that I probably should call a 4. Actually, yeah. I’ll change it to a 4. But most of that was earned by Don.

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Flowers for Madame

“♫For this is the day of the flower parade.♫”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Animation by Paul Smith and Don Williams; Music by Norman Spencer. A Merrie Melody released on November 20, 1935.

Free at last! Free at last! Our long Cinecolor nightmare is finally over! Mr. Disney’s exclusivity contract with the 3 strip process has expired at long last, so now the studios too cowardly to take a chance with it can finally experience the entire spectrum of the rainbow! It makes perfect sense to make the picture about something that has no shortage of colors! Like octopuses, LSD freakouts, or flowers!

Zoology nut I may be, I gotta vote for the last one there because I ADORE gardens! Beautiful, soothing, perfumed and serene, a place to escape when the world is too mean. In other words, it won’t help in winter. But we’re in summer, bee-itchers! And if you’re living in the southern hemisphere, then I don’t blame you for getting upset over that comment. Winter makes everyone miserable. Contradict me and I’ll doubt you.

Flowers are already living “creatures”, but in cartoons, they dance. But only the ones who are awake. The sleeping ones get their heads ripped off and converted into tutus for the early risers. It’s barbaric, but it’s less screwed up compared to the real world stuff! Did you know that flowers are brightly colored so they will attract insects that will help spread their pollen? And it gets all over them too, and the insects eat some of it too, and we’re sitting in our gardens, watching it all, thinking about how appropriate it is for all ages!

Okay, I’m done with that tangent. The garden is hosting a little pageant for all the plants. Announced by snails… Isn’t that like crocodiles hosting a fashion show in the river? “Just strut over the ‘runway’. We’ll let you know if you’re a loser.” The prize isn’t specified, but if it’s not your freedom, then it’s either a motel room with the bees, or dinner theater with the gastropods. Good thing flowers don’t have brains!

Some floats are thrown together, but most of them aren’t featuring any anthro flowers. Unless weeds count as flowers. And if you count thistles as weeds. I’m a “Viva Pinata” fan, so I do. One of the spectators is a cactus who gets an idea. And a name: Stickers! The idea is to enter the pageant him/herself. (I’ll just guess it’s the first one.) All he needs is that windup toy, and some seeds. A packet of seeds. This world is making me uncomfortable! This means there are humans around, so how do the plants feel about this? Are we just gods that they don’t try to comprehend? Feels powerful.

They’re fast growing, non-anthro seeds that grow around the toy, making a humble if not pretty float. Short-lived, too. It breaks, and Stickers is now the official butt of the joke. It hurts, but I bet he does too. Now, about those gods that they can’t understand. They were careless enough to leave a match under a magnifying glass, and the sun uses the two to make its own offspring: fire. And lots of it. Somewhat led by the one flame who has a face. If the lessons I’ve learned from Pokemon are correct, those plants are in danger.

The lessons are true! This must also mean that poison can be used to kill fairies! The plants make like their leafy cousins, and break. (Look, the pansy is such a pansy that their face lost its highlights.) I know that we’re supposed to see the flame as a villain, but it’s kinda cute. Cuter than the one on “Animaniacs”, anyhow. It’s hard to want to see him lose, since it can only lose if it’s dead. But hey, this gives Stickers a chance to redeem himself! Just gotta douse those flames, and all will be well! If a bear can do it, why not a succulent?

The sprinkler helps a bit. It keeps the big flames at bay, but the little cute one can slip by and turn off the troublesome torrent. Well, compost! If only we had a plant that was full of water already! You know, round and green and living right here in the garden already? Wait a minute! Stickers! That’s it! He could poke holes in the watermelons! They’re nothing more than plant uterus’s, so it’s not like any sacrifices will have to be made. The garden is saved and refreshed and the cute flame gets doused by a grasshopper’s tobacco juice. If anyone is killing those plants, it’ll be him.

Favorite Part: The judges are (and since I know nothing about botany this is just a guess) lilies, and this means that they look like they are already sitting in a judge’s booth. That’s creativity.

Personal Rating: 2. Personally, I prefer “The Cookie Carnival”. More song, creativity, casual racism, cute romance, and looks good enough to eat.

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Into your Dance

“It’s only the beginning, folks!”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Animation by Cal Dalton and Ben Clopton; Music by Norman Spencer. A Merrie Melody released on June 8, 1935.

Oh happy day! The riverboat’s a coming to town! You’re not going to want to miss this! It’s one of those showboat riverboats that promises music, singing, and an opportunity to pelt performers with produce. Captain Benny introduces us to our conductor for the evening, the world’s most popular orchestra leader. Which by my definition means Porky P- HOLY CRAP! It IS Porky! Same design and everything! Except, it can’t be. This short isn’t listed as part of Porky’s filmography, and no audience would dare pelt him with tomatoes lest I slice all their middle toes off and replace them with their thumbs. (I’ll throw the toes away.)

Well, I’ll still file this short in my Porky file, just in case anybody else thinks the Paul Whiteman pig is who I wish he was. He starts up the band, but there’s somebody constantly screwing up. Look, I’m sorry, but you just can’t have that in music. Otherwise it’s just cacophony. I give my complete support in Mr. Pig malleting you.  But the screw-up refuses to own up to his own shortcomings, and decides to stick that curly tail in an electrical socket. (At least, I think this is the same guy.) This really accelerates the performance, and the spastic conducting makes the “William Tell Overture” twice as fast. Boo! I like that piece? Where am I supposed to hear it now? “The Band Concert?” Okay!

Music’s done. Now for the singing I promised you. It’s amateur night, so we get an excuse to be honest. First off, Miss Cud doing opera. Hm. Uh-huh. Yep. Gong her. We won’t miss much. The performer remover hook yanks her right out of her clothes. (Does the Hayes code know about this?) Next, Beans’s effeminate father recites poetry. This also kinda sucks really bad, so lets get rid of him too. I mean, sure, he was better than that cow, but I’d hate to give him first prize when I’m sure there’s something better coming along. (If you think you’ve seen the crowd before, you have if you’ve read my posts chronologically.)

The next contestant may look a bit dumb, but he is smart enough to rig things in his favor. He sends Benny off to do… something, then hides the gong in his pants. Can’t eject what can’t technically fail. But, yeesh, I thought Doughtery only ever played Porky. Not so, and the crowd isn’t too pleased either. I think, anyway. Their jeers kinda sound like laughter half the time. But it must be hate, because once the guy finishes the title song, he sees the entire audience had a walk-out. Furious, Benny chases the cheater with a nail ‘n board into the hills. Every time he lands a hit, the gong reminds the world that cheaters are natural losers.

Favorite Part: Though poetry he may try, it turns out Beans’s pop is a fighter at heart. When he is gonged, he takes up a fighting stance. Good thing Benny was prepared with a horseshoe filled boxing glove!

Personal Rating: 2

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Tokio Jokio

‘REGRETTABLE INCIDENT PLEASE’

Supervision by Cpl. Norman McCabe; (He was drafted. This was his final short. He never got to play with technicolor.)  Animation by I. Ellis; Story by Don Christensen; Musical Direction: Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on May 15, 1943.

Oh, boy. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. And three more. This is not a good cartoon. It probably brought some smiles to faces in a long bygone era, but today? Oh, boy. I am not Japanese. I’ve never been to Japan. The most I can say is that I took a cooking class with an exchange student from there. (He was a cool guy.) I don’t know how anyone who is Japanese would take this short today, but I wouldn’t be upset if they, were. This is wartime propaganda and nothing more. Even if it wasn’t problematic today, it wouldn’t be funny. There’s no smart jokes here. They’re all either weak puns, or just plain mean jabs. It gets my lowest score, so you can leave if you’re ready. I’ll press on. Not like I do anything else with my life.

This short is presented as, and I seriously quote, “Japanazi propaganda.” (Closest we’re getting to clever today.) Enemies or not, they are still humans and deal with problems during war as well. Sadly though, they all have the same unfortunate look. Squinting eyes, overgrown teeth, and ears that suggest they are members of the Ceboidea family. If you saw “Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips“, you’ve seen these caricatures. If you’ve seen these caricatures, you may understand how uncomfortable I feel describing them.

We start with a segment on civilian defense. (Given what we’re given here, I’m surprised they didn’t spell it as ‘civillain’.) Their air raid siren comprises of two guys who take turns poking each other’s rears with a needle. Since they’re Japanese, they are very polite throughout the process, tipping hats and bowing between turns. (Kill me. Go on. I won’t be missed.) We also see a tip on how to handle incendiary bombs. What you want to do is stay clear for at least five seconds. Then you can use them to roast franks. (Still kills a man though. At least he’s getting out of here early.)

Kitchen hints comes closer to a joke than many here. It’s a gag I could see done with American folks: Making a sandwich out of ration cards. If there wasn’t another hurtful caricature, I’d name it as my favorite part. Oh geeze. I’m going to have to supply one of those as well. Ohhhhhhhhhh, boy. In other gags, clothing is one of those topics we can all familiarize with. The latest Japanese fashions have no cuffs, pleats or lapels. In fact, it’s little more than a diaper. Let’s all mock our adversaries in the style of 5-year olds. (Really. Death. I welcome it.)

Headline personalities is spelt as ‘poisonalities’. And really? Even the little skull has to have squinty sockets and oversized mandibles? Well, look at the general run during an air raid. Isn’t worrying about your life cowardly? And look, when he runs into a skunk, (In Japan?) its the Mephitidae donning a gas mask. (Do you want to make fun of his weight next? I don’t think you picked a low enough hanging fruit.) We even get a look at what Hitler and Mussolini are up to, courtesy of Lord Hee Haw. Having a donkey head is actually the least offensive design we’ve seen. (His left eye whites out.)

We finish up with pokes about their navy. Ships are launched before finished, aircraft carries are loaded up with shot-down planes, and a literal mine sweeper blows up. Blegh. Finally. It’s over and… No. NO!  I’d know that drum anywhere! Please, don’t. Buddy, pal, the one guy I’m always willing to defend. Don’t do it! Don’t show yourself! Don’t- AUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Porky, why? Why, Porky, why? Why can’t I pretend my favorite character of anything is a real breathing, living person, who was under contract and could choose to say his line, or find a new job? *sigh* Because I’m the brutally honest type. I’m crying myself to sleep tonight.

Favorite Part: *you serious? glare followed by an even bigger sigh* I choose Hitler getting a ‘wish you were here’ card from a concentration camp. At least I can agree with that.

Personal Ra- 1. You’re not surprised, I”m not surprised. This was a guaranteed 1 from 3/1/2011. I feel bad for Norm. None of his shorts are anywhere near the best, but this one aged like botulized milk.

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Those were Wonderful Days

” *Laughter that sounds like the Krushas from the GBA port of Donkey Kong Country* “

Supervision by Bernard Brown; Animation by Paul Smith and Don Williams; Music by Norman Spencer. A Merrie Melody released on April 26, 1934.

The days of which they speak were those gay nineties. Back then, everyone was happier. People sang the title song. Beer flagons sang the title song. (So… does drinking out of one of those count as making out with one of those?) And, as is typical of Warner Bros. shorts, print ads sang the title song. Whatever bar we’re in offers a free lunch, so it’s not surprising that some guy takes the whole spread for himself. What might surprise you, is him using the hat of a strolling woman for a table.

Ah, but it wouldn’t be truly be such a gay time unless there was a picnic, right? That’s where most folk are heading on such a fine day as today. It’s better than the bar, because it offers free beer. I’m amazed at the self control of most of the queue. Taking one mug, and that’s that. (Mostly because there only is one mug.) The last guy in line was the smart one. With no other witnesses, he can drink straight from the tab and down the rest of the barrel’s contents. There’s swimming, and a playground, and those kind of people that make me loathe being lonely: couples.

Two of them are riding a teeter-totter. And if you’re like me, you’ll see what I saw: the one and only Snidely Backslide keeping a close eye on who I think is a combination of Cookie and Betty Lou from “Sesame Street”. (Although, they cut away from him to a shot of him coming out from behind a tree again, so it’s okay to think there’s two of him. I won’t judge.) She’s already on a date with Betty Boop’s boyfriend, Freddy, but that’s okay. When Betty found out he wasn’t faithful, she bought a dog and never looked back. The villain is able to blast him away with a firecracker, and takes Cookie Lou away in a hot-air balloon.

Fearless Fred E. fires himself up via human cannonball method, and the two rivals have a fistfight. Fred E. falls, but is able to launch himself back up via flagpole. In the meantime, S.B. cuts the basket to send C.L. to her doom. For you see, he knows she’ll never love him and he knew the only way to not obsess over her was to kill her. It’s basic logic, really. No sooner done, when Fred E. bounces back for round two. He gets some punches in, and decides to light the balloon’s spout to make sure no one else will ever risk having their lady friends taken away. Stealing his adversary’s cape, he flying-squirrels his way down to C.L. who made the balloon basket into a parachute.

The two land safely, while ole Snide falls down in a daze thanks to the whole exploding balloon thing. Fred E. clobbers him with a nearby test-your-strength mallet, but C.L. screams at this, giving Fred E. a clonk of his own. Turns out, threats on her life put her in the mood and she chooses the only man who can satisfy her in that way. Humorous, but also right the heck out of nowhere!

Favorite Part: There isn’t enough trees for S.B. to hide behind when he makes his first move, so he has to keep whistling for his hiding tree to creep back in front of him. It’s clearly devoted. He should’ve tried to kill it.

Personal Rating: 2. But if you have a problem with people choosing mates that will clearly end poorly for them, 1.

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Joe Glow the Firefly

“ZZZzzz-ZZZzzz”

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Rich Hogan; Animation by Philip Monroe; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on March 8, 1941.

Let’s say I asked four different people to draw up a firefly for a piece of media and these were the results:

Which one would get the highest scoring grade?

That’s right, none of them. For you see, I didn’t say “firefly” like a beetle from the Lampyridae family, I said “firefly.” You know, an insect version of a fireman. That’s what I’m choosing was going through Chuck and co.’s heads when designing the title character. That way, I can say that for once in my life, someone made one of these animals actually look remotely accurate to real life.

In these early, pre-Smokey Bear days, the job of keeping aware of potential threats to the forest fell to the smaller animals. Rather, that’s what I think Mr. Glow is doing here. His motivation isn’t really explained. He just enters a tent and explores therein. He doesn’t want to disturb the camper though, so he’s being extra quiet. We’re “light” on laugh-out-loud moments as this is short is in the vein of Chuck’s Sniffles’s pictures: tiny creature exploring the larger world. Hi-jinks ensue.

The man Joe lands on (awkward cut!) is indeed asleep, so that means Joe can make the rest of his rounds in peace. Relative peace, anyway, for this man snores. What’s a minor nuisance at best to fellow humans, becomes a mixture of wind tunnels and earthquakes to those at Joe’s scale. Shaken, he lands on the chest area. Things are a little more stable there. Making his way to the closest finger, he stops to make sure the wrist watch is set correctly. (Lovely shot from inside the timepiece.) Joe then sees another thing he’d better check out: a flashlight. That could possibly cause a fire! It’s had a troubled past!

Nope. Checks out. It’s in perfect working condition, too. The man briefly awakes at the brightness, but Joe is quick to turn it off, taking cover in the dark. Camper goes back to sleeping, and Joe decides to keep on. Even though the man isn’t a light sleeper, he is a sound sleeper, as Joe walking across a cracker doesn’t even make him stir. Better see how the rest of the food is doing. Looks like all the salt is still here, there, and entirely coating Joe. At least now he knows not to open the container that way.

Where there’s salt, there’s pepper. Joe checks that too. And he sneezes of course. Got a hefty set of lungs for an animal that doesn’t possess any. It rockets him out of the shaker, and into a catsup bottle that is now teetering on the edge of the table. But Joe earned that hat he wears. He knows just what to do in situations like this. He grabs some string (which looks kind of out of place, doesn’t it?) and is able to lasso it, and safely lower it to the ground. I’d say everything seems to be on the up and up. His work done, Joe flies out.

It’s then that he remembers the most important part of the inspection. Flying back he wishes the man “goodnight”. Making sure to shout it directly into his eardrum of course. It’s the only way to be heard at that size.

Favorite Part: When Joe is flying away at the table, the background artists remembered to show the spilled salt. I love when details aren’t forgotten like that.

Personal Rating: You know, I could see many casual viewers thinking this short is boring. It’s not. It’s charming. Still, for those who aren’t mature enough for this one, they can see it as a 2. Me though, I think us true fans can give it the 3 it deserves. This is a beautiful picture! The grayscale world really illustrates that the camper is miles away from civilization and its overabundance of light. Things are dark here, and the only source of light is Joe’s lantern. You just wouldn’t be able to sell the idea as well with technicolor. In fact, I’m giving it a 4 for me. Maybe you can do the same.

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A Hick a Slick and a Chick

“No time like the present.”

Directed by Arthur Davis; Animation by J.C. Melendez, Don Williams, Emery Hawkins, and Basil Davidovich; Story by Lloyd Turner and William Scott; Layouts by Don Smith; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on December 27, 1948.

This post would not have been possible without contributions from readers like Carl Hunt. Thank You.

Elmo Mouse will be our titular “hick” this evening. He’s in a good mood as he’s off to visit the resident chick, Daisy Lou. Upon arriving at her place, he thinks he’s made a mistake of addresses as the doe inside is busy making out with someone who isn’t Elmo. Sadly, he’s at the right house. Her make out partner was the third part of our puzzle, Blackie the prick. The two at least have the decency to take a breath now that they’ve got company, and to be fair D.L. is polite enough to let both guys stay. Oh, yeah. I meant “slick” earlier. Honest mistake.

Elmo has some (mouse-scale) flowers and Daisy does seem happy to receive them, even if Blackie already bought out a florist shop for her. Elmo’s flowers are so embarrassed, they regress back into seeds. Elmo tries to play her a song on his mouth organ, but Blackie can play piano. Particularly, a familiar piano piece that leads me to believe Blackie’s father was the mouse in “Rhapsody Rabbit“. About the only other good trait Elmo has is muscles and to his credit, I agree that Blackie could not make his arm go limp like that. His biceps look too healthy. Feel healthy too, seeing as they knock Elmo out of the house.

When Elmo returns, he finds Uncle Blackie (as I think I’m allowed to call him) presenting Ms. Lou with a fur coat. Elmo isn’t impressed like she is, claiming that he could get her something better. As Uncle B. points out, the only thing that feasibly could be better is ermine. Elmo agrees but it’s only once he’s out of the hole that he reveals he’s dug himself into another; he doesn’t know what an ermine even is.

Searching the premises, he looks in a bottle of champagne which really doesn’t help much. What it does do is remove his common sense. Most creatures his size would try to avoid creatures like the dozing cat in the house, but he’s actually approaching. It might have something to do with the fact that the cat’s name is Merman, but he can only see the last five-sixth’s of the word. And yes, the cat’s name probably really is ‘Herman’ but it doesn’t look like it at first glance! (Does this mean Blackie’s real first name is ‘Katnip’? No wonder he changed it.)

The cat isn’t fazed by the punch drunk rodent, and tries to eat him. Elmo escapes and falls into the milk bowl, which is good news since milk is nature’s natural sobering agent. He flees, and the cat chases, taking a swing at him as he runs on a table. This makes the leaf smack him in the face, knocking himself out but good. Well, well. Just look at all that fur just practically begging to be taken! Good thing Elmo’s a furrier! He presents the goods to Daisy and he totally wins. She’s got no problem being a trophy, because she gets things out of it. What a good moral.

Hick and Chick leave together, leaving the Slick to wonder where he managed to get the stuff. The cat tells him to mind his own business, showing us Elmo used his @$$ hair to make the coat. (Why to the you to the sea and kay.) Even the iris-out is coat shaped. And when you get pancakes tomorrow, they’ll probably be coat shaped too.

Favorite Part: Jealousy running rampant in Elmo’s mind, he imagines certain instances of bad luck Blackie could befall. Like Elmo mounting his head over a fireplace.

Personal Rating: 3