Category: One Shots

No established characters here. Doesn’t necessarily mean that they automatically suck.

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The Three Little Bops

“I wish my brother, George, was here.”

Now then, once upon a time,

(Just like the short, this post’s in rhyme.)

Their first tale may have ended, but the three pigs aren’t done,

as now they play awesome music for everyone.

At first, everything seemed like it would be all right,

then the wolf came into the club that night.

But he doesn’t want to eat them, he just shakes their hands.

And poof! Nothing to it! He’s a part their band.

But his music just isn’t to the crowds liking,

so the pigs throw him out, as fast as lightning.

The wolf is mad and blows the place down.

(Does everyone build places of straw in this town?)

The pigs next play in a building made of sticks,

but the wolf comes back for more horn tricks.

He’s cast out again, and again destroys the club,

and the pigs are fed up with the hubbub.

They go to play at a place that is wisely built of bricks,

(which, incidentally was built in 1776)

No wolves are allowed in this here joint,

but the wolf sneaks in at a later point.

His disguises hide his body, but his music still is crap,

so he opts to pull out a TNT trap.

He lights the thing, and starts to run, but it blows him up, and well,

he’s gone and gotten himself stuck down in hell.

But to play cool music, you got to get hot,

and that was one thing the wolf was not.

So via the afterlife he gets to play with the pigs until they’re done,

we end (no “That’s all folks!”) with the new and improved Three little Bops plus one.

Personal Rating: 4

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Katnip Kollege

♪”Okay, Mr. Jones you may, recite your history for today.”♪

At the kollege for kats, all the other classes are clearly never in use. (No zoology? That’s unfair. However I guess they ARE animals) The only class that is in session is swingology. From whats going on, it seems that its just normal school but everything is sung. The class recites their history lesson, but one kat is struggling. His name is Johnny and he has no rhythm.

Rather than accepting the fact that everyone has a different talent, the professor makes him sit in a dunce cap until he learns. The rest of the class taunts him, save for the stereotypical hot chick, Kitty. She’s a bit kinder, and tells him that if he could sing then she’d find him attractive. (B*tch. Or whatever the cat version is.)

Later, everyone is having a great time, ‘cept for Johnathan who is still locked up. A ticking clock gives him the inspiration he needs and he runs to join his classmates. He sings a duet with Kitty about how falling in love with her is easier than falling off a log. Then they fall off the log they were on. Hey, at least he got the girl.

Personal Rating: 3

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I Love to Singa

“That’s mein… Pop!”

In the forest there lives a bird named Prof. Fritz the owl. He is a teacher of voice, piano, and violin, but the one thing he will not teach and can not tolerate is jazz. At the moment, he is awaiting the birth of his children. When the eggs hatch, one can sing, one can fiddle, and one can play the flute. (I guess it’s true what they say: you can’t fit a piano in an egg.) The last one hatches into our protagonist, Owl Jolson. (Get the reference?) One thing I don’t get is why his voice starts out different, and then changes right away.

His parents are not happy with his life choice, and try to force him to submit to the power of classical music. However, he refuses to give up jazz and his father pretty much disowns him. On his own, he sees many other birds auditioning for Jack Bunny. (A joke will never get old.) The rabbit thinks all of the birds suck, and lets them know with his trapdoor. Jolson’s music is just to his liking though, and he gets first prize ready.

His family hears him on the radio and rushes over. Seeing them, the young owlet switches back to classical, like he’s been conditioned to. The rabbit, no longer enjoying himself, is about to give him the door, when his father bursts in and tells him he can sing whatever he wants. The whole family joins in and Jolson gets his trophy. A happy ending for all!

Personal Rating: 4

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Hollywood Steps Out

“50 dollars!?”

It’s a cartoon caricaturing famous Hollywood stars! (And they look rather creepy, I might add. Good thing the impressions are spot on!) Carry Grant buys some cigarettes from Greta Garbo and she uses her shoe to light it. Panning to the right we see a Leon Scheslinger cameo as well as a table set for Blondie and Dagwood, and a fire hydrant for Daisy. (Odd choice.)

Humphrey Bogart, James Cagney, and Geore Raft pitch pennies and Harpo Marx gives Garbo a hot foot. Bing Crosby introduces our musical act as Stokowski composes. Boris Karloff dances stiffly, the 3 stooges poke each other to the beat, and Olliver Hardy dances with 2 women at once. Sally Ran does a bubble dance (She even tosses the bubble up, but we don’t see any nudity, you pervs.) Peter Lorre comments on the beauty of the bubble, and Henry Fonda gets punished by his mother for watching.

The dance ends when Harpo pops the bubble. (Good thing she was wearing a barrel underneath.) This whole time, Clark Gable has been chasing a blonde. He catches her only to find out it was Groucho in drag.

Personal Rating: 3 (unless you are a real film buff who knows who the parodies are today, then it just might reach the 4 tier.)

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Have you got any Castles?

“Hear ye, Hear ye, Hear ye.”

In another of the “books coming to life” series of cartoons, we come across a bookshop at midnight. The town crier announces that we are in for a treat as 4 famous literary monsters do a cute little dance. All the characters applaud and cheer while “The Good Earth” prays. Everyone begins to dance and “Green Pastures” sings along with Cab Calloway. A thin man goes to fatten himself at the “white house cookbook”, and the “Little Women” and “Little Men” sing about Old King Cole.

They are joined by the house of “Seven (Clark) Gables” and “Bulldog Drummin.” Louis Pasteur blows himself to “Seventh Heaven” and all the while, Rip Van Winkle is annoyed by lack of sleep. The 3 musketeers sing our title song, but I guess they are the villains as they take “The Seven Keys of Baldpate” and free “The Prisoner of Zenda.” Everyone else starts shooting at them, until Rip, who’s had enough, opens up a hurricane on them all, thus making them “Gone with the Wind.”

Personal Rating: 3

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The Dover Boys at Pimento University or the rivals of roquefort hall

“Hark! The Dover Boys.”

I used to think this one was underrated and unknown by extension, but apparently I was (happily) mistaken. The title characters did appear in “Space Jam”, and “Wakkos Wish”. Dan’s hilarious outbursts make wonderful memes (Better than that “chungus” crap That scene was already funny. It didn’t need any help.)

At good old P.U. (Pimento University) the most popular boys are the Dover boys (based on the “Rover Boys” series of books) As we pan over to them, we see a sailor guy. Pay attention to him, we’ll see him again. The boys are going to play hide and seek with THEIR finance Dora Stanpipe. (I guess they are polygamous? I suppose if it’s good enough for them…)

On their way to the park they pass a bar where inside their nemesis Dan Backslide, lurks. He loves Dora…s father’s money and despises the Dover boys. He watches them (and the sailor) walk by, and seethes. During their game, the boys decide to hide in a place where they won’t be found… the bar!

Realizing that Dora is alone, Dan kidnaps her, but Dora (and the sailor) are spotted by the boys and they rush (freeze) to her rescue. While she screams for help, she pummels Dan and soon he is yelling for help too! The boys finally arrive, and only end up knocking themselves out, Dora leaves with the sailor.

P.S. the narrator in this short, is the same narrator who was with Goofy in those “How to” cartoons Disney made

Personal Rating: 4 (But don’t be too surprised if you don’t enjoy it as much as you should be on your first viewing. Like many a work of art, it takes time to be appreciated)

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So Much for So Little

“It’s up to you.”

Sorry for the lack of updates. I was on vacation and visiting relatives and seeing my baby second cousin made me think of my good picture of which to talk about. I decided on this Oscar winning short. That isn’t actually a Looney Tune or a Merrie Melody.

In it, we learn how to keep ones self healthy. (Made a while ago, as they mention smallpox as a viable threat.) We also learn that plenty of babies will die and it’s mostly our fault. However, if we remember that only 3 cents a week will save them, we can make a difference.

Personal Rating: 2 (Not bad, but plenty outdated as stories based on science tend to be.)