Shop Look & Listen

I’d like to hold a hand like that myself.”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Dave Monahan. Animation: Cal Dalton; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on December 21, 1940.

There was a video game released in 2007 titled “Super Mario Galaxy.” It was a major hit with both critics and consumers and everyone agreed; they wouldn’t mind a sequel. The creators would deliver with “Super Mario Galaxy 2”, but not because of fan outcry. Rather, it was because they themselves had so many ideas for that one project that one game wasn’t enough to hold them all. I tell you this, because I think something similar happened about 70 years earlier.

Earlier in the year 1940, Freleng’s unit released a cartoon titled “Little Blabbermouse.” It wasn’t anywhere near close to being the studio’s best work. It was just one of their gag oriented cartoons using a mischief of mice taking a tour of a department store as an overlay. The title was referring to one particular mouse who’s one defining character trait was not shutting up.  (A good three years before Sniffles took up that role.) They couldn’t have thought this idea was 14K of comedy gold. But hey, all these gags means one less cartoon idea to come up with while they were brainstorming about this rabbit of theirs that seemed to be taking off.

Thus, we have this sequel short. And Blabbermouse even gets his own title card!

*Is my internal fear showing?*

Eww. I don’t like that face. It’s making him look like a child comma molester. And you know, they didn’t need to use that at all. Blabby hardly features in this feature. Gets about four and a half lines total. Hardly befitting the blabber name.

Well, our gags take place in J. T. Gimlet’s department store. A few decent gags are available on the banners outside the building. But the one about the hours confuses me a little. Oh, I get the joke “Sunday 9-6 If we were open Sundays” But why do they bother listing weekdays and Saturdays separately if they’re going to say the same hours? Either switch the times up, or list them as one. It shouldn’t be that hard.

Our host is the same as it was in the previous short. (Which I’ve yet to discuss, because it’s more fun for me to not know what surprises I will discuss each week. I hope this isn’t your first time here. What a horrible post to sell someone on.) If I can steal a name from another short, then I can call him W. C. Fieldmouse. Showing some mercy to those of us who might have seen the other cartoon, they skip the preparation of their trip and take off. (Reusing the same animation they did last time.) Essentially, they travel by a gondola that is big enough to hold a crowd thrice their size.

Fieldmouse shows them the shoe section where we get a joke that I don’t get. (Are there shoes called mules?) Then, an art gallery where we see “Whistler’s Mother” and “The Thinker” doing what their names suggest. Then we see some of the robotic devices for sale, and they demonstrate what they can do. There’s a device that snuffs out cigars for you, and another one that seems like it was built to play poker all by itself. (It couldn’t be comfortable to sit with those robotic arm attachments pressing into your chest.) It can shuffle, cut, deal, cheat and kill cheaters all by itself. Which means you’re obsolete and not needed anymore, so you might as well go home.

B.M. has been annoying W.C. sporadically during this tour, and the larger mouse threatens him with bodily harm, should he speak once more. (I do love the animation of Fieldmouse stress sweating as he struggles to contain his rage. It was worth using in both shorts.)The tour then comes to a machine that can cut lengths of ribbon for your purchasing pleasure, and wrap it up for you as well. Blabber then opens his mouth again, and Fieldmouse prepares to make good on his promise. But instead of getting his hands dirty, he just has the machine wrap the little pest up instead. I hope it was worth it, as Blabbermouse’s father is a policeman. And policemen aren’t scared of anything. They’re brave and strong. We’reluckythey’resobraveandstrongandwillingtoprotectus.Geewhiz,IwishIcouldbeasbraveasstrongasapolicemansomeday.ToobadIhavenointentionofbeingapolicemansomeday.Itdoesn’tlineupwithmypersonalinterests,butIguessI’mgladthattheoptionisalwaysavailable.That’sthegreatthingaboutbeingapoliceman,anyonecandoit.Well,Iguessnoteveryone.Womenbecomepolicewomen,don’tthey?Oraretheystillcaleedpolicemanaswell?Orwhataboutcops?Isthereadifferencebetweenpolicemenandcops?Andwhy….

Favorite Part: The first time Blabbermouse speaks up, Fieldmouse gives him a good smack on the back of the head, while reprimanding him in rhyme no less. History’s first rap battle victory!

Personal Rating: 2. It only escapes one because it had different gags than its predecessor, and therefore, you can justify showing it to your friends if you feel you need to.

Bosko the Musketeer

“Hi-dee hi! Ho-dee ho! Ho-dee hey!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Robert Stokes. A Looney Tune released on September 16, 1933.

Bosko gallivants along to visit Honey. (Bruno briefly appears, but won’t be featuring.) This surely ain’t no surprise visit, as Honey is dusting all things that might be any and every. (Poor fish looks uncomfortable.) Bosko arrives just as she finishes dusting a painting of the three musketeers. Truly awesome folks, eh Bosko? He’s not too impressed and starts fencing with an umbrella while his honey, Honey, sings.

And suddenly the screen dissolves to Bosko actually BEING a musketeer and fencing with a SWORD against four adversaries. Sounds like a daunting task, but Bosko’s got a an arm up his sleeve that can do a trick. Namely, letting the gauntlet do all the work while it nips out to unleash keg contents on the four anti-musketeers. Speaking of, counting Bosko we’ve got one short musketeer and two short. And a name like that will never sell. Where’s the rest of them?

In the tavern of course. Since their is three of them, I guess Bosko is our D’Artagnan. Can you name the others? I’ve never read the book or seen any film adaptations, so I’m useless. (But I’ve eaten the candy bar several times!) What a pal, Bosko is. Always looking out for those of us who spent our high school years reading “Asterix” comics for our french fix. I now know that they go by Athos, Amos and Andy. (Truly the “Star Wars” of their day if the amount of references is any indication.)

Lets sing! Dance! Have a good time! Drink and be merry! Look! They’re even inspiring Mickey clones 205, 634 and 431. Swell guys, these musketeers. Even if they do have a habit of using oddly quick cuts to down their drinks. The whole place loves these guys! And yes, that includes clone 511. But it doesn’t include the obvious villain; a man with really hairy hands, or prickly pears attached at his wrists. And now Honey arrives. Is she part of Bosko’s imagination? Or did she take over telling the tale so she could self-insert herself into it? Who imagines the imaginer?

Well, she’s not in period appropriate clothing, so I guess Bosko is the creator of all we’re seeing. (That’s why she can be as topless as she always is.) Obvious villain grabs her, which can’t be at all pleasant with whatever extremities he has coming out of his arms. Bosko to the rescue as the other three have suddenly ceased to exist. Or maybe they’re just giving him a chance to prove himself? Sword dueling commence! Both are evenly matched and damage to their weapons doesn’t automatically mean they’re out. O.V. has a caddy, and Bosko’s sword fits in the pencil sharpener.

Bosko is ultimately the victor because he places a shovelful of hot coals into his adversaries pants. Thus bringing Bosko’s little power trip to a close. But Honey doesn’t believe any of it. (Was Bosko claiming it really happened?) So Bosko busts out the big question: “Was you there, Charlie?” (But… you had her there. So were you really rescuing some homely lady the whole time and you just inserted your girlfriend to get brownie points?)

Favorite Part: While Honey entertains the tavern with a dance, Bosko can’t help but gush about her to the nearest patron. It’s sweet.

Personal Rating: 2. Pretty standard Bosko saves Honey plot. If you’re thinking the two should retire by this point, don’t worry. They only had two more shorts with the W.B. after this.

Prince Violent*

“I see you’ve never dealt with a viking.”

Directed by Friz Freleng; Co-Director: Halwy Pratt; Story by Dave Detiege; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy, Virgil Ross, Art Davis, and Bob Matz; Layouts by Willie Ito; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on September 2, 1961.

*If you’re watching this short on TV, it’s called “Prince Varmint” because… kids won’t get the reference to “Prince Valiant”? Granted, I’ve never read it, but I’ve always known about it. Maybe Hal Foster didn’t like the pun? Either way, I like the original title better. If only because it doesn’t get name dropped twice in the picture. Feels forced.

The locales had best barricade themselves in the only nearby castle, Sam the Terrible the terrible viking has just landed and is clearly having the time of his life in the role. He follows the people into their castle before they can raise the drawbridge, and it’s only a matter of time before he breaks down what little doors they have left. Having witnessed this, Bugs, ever altruistic anymore, gets into costume, follows Sam and rather easily throws him out. (Treating the guy like an errant trick-or-treater.) Time for Sam to spend the rest of the cartoon breaking back in.

He goes big, elephantine even. He gets one of those European elephants that totally existed trust me on this, so he can bust his way into the fortress. Bugs paints a phony door, and the proboscidean hurts himself. And when Sam tries to be Sam and berate the beast, it reminds him who’s the largest living land mammal, and throunces him. Since the walls are too thick for even nature’s best bulldozer to break through, the elephant just throws boulders over the parapets. Bugs stops him with pepper. (Did his ears shrink?)

The two decide to be smart and hide from view until Bugs declares the bridge safe to lower. They charge, forgetting that flimsy wood and nails were never meant to carry at least 10,000 lbs. Oh, wait. I guess as a zoologist, I should say 4535.924 kilograms. (But as a writer, I can’t help but notice how clunky that looks.) Seems their running out of ways to approach, but Sam, always learning from his mistakes decides they’ll sneak in via the back. He uses the elephant as a raft, forgetting that such animals are fairly adept swimmers, but this way means Bugs can shove a cork in the trunk without being seen.

The elephant flees back to shore, forgetting that he could just stick his mouth out of the water and breathe that way. But more confusing? Why is he afraid of Sam now? We already saw that this was a beast not to be trifled with. Did Sam threaten to wait until his tusks grow in, then kill him and sell them to the Chinese? Whatever the reason, Sam chases him off and tells him to stay gone. And I just fell like the reactions should have been swapped. Have the elephant get sick of Sam’s abuse, and turn on him before leaving. Makes more sense.

Sick of playing around, Sam grabs all the explosives he has on hand to blow his way into the stronghold. As he lights the fuses, he fails to notice that the drawbridge can raise in the opposite direction as well. A risky gamble the people are betting on here, as they’re still inside. I guess they figure Sam will die and the only other casualty will be the door? But he doesn’t die this time, it just roughs him up a lot. Even took his mask off. But he regenerates it and finally gets inside. Oh-ho boy! What he’s going to do with the women and chickens…

Uh-oh. Looks like he’s already rueing the today he offended Ali Phunt, as the elephant (Oh, snap! I get it!) has joined the other side and doesn’t fear Sam at all again, chasing him off with a club. Should be a happy ending, but Sam vows to return, and I have a hunch Ali’s services will only last as long as the free peanuts.

Favorite Part: The boat on the title card. I’m glad one of the shields is the W.B. shield. I wouldn’t have ever thought of that. Wait, if that’s my favorite part, then how low will the score-?

Personal Rating: 2. It’s just a weaker retread of “Knighty Knight Bugs“. And I’ve got a feeling this was one of the first shorts Mel recorded for after his coma. A good chunk of Bugs’s lines sound stilted and bored, almost as if Mel was hurting himself as Sam, and everyone decided his first takes for Bugs would suffice as the only takes.

Boston Quackie

“Come on out before I let daylight through ya!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story Tedd Pierce; Animation by George Grandpre, Ted Bonnickson, Keith Darling, and Russ Dyson; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Bob Majors; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on June 22, 1957.

The titular “Boston Quackie” is one of those detective types who is a “friend to those who need no friends” and an “enemy to those who have no enemies.” It’s the second time of three that McKimson would have Daffy play detective, but while the first short was pretty timeless by not parodying anything specifically, this one’s title alone will probably send a few later generations to the Google search bar. (Assuming the younger generations are willing to give these old films a chance and realize that they hold up beyond remarkably well. I’m doing what I can.)

At the moment, Quackie is having a Parisian vacation with his girlfriend, Mary, and a dog that can’t keep his mouth from disappearing. (He’s just the chaperone.) But work will have to come before pleasure as Quackie’s boss, Inspector Faraway, shows up. Don’t know why Mary isn’t pleased to see him show up. He’s the kind of boss I’d invite to go on trips with me. (Of course I still need a girlfriend. Why do you ask?) Quackie’s got a job to do: deliver a package to the consulate in West Slobovia. (And do say “Hi” to Judd Fudd if you see him. Heard he was looking for lepus in those parts.)

Sounds so simple that even a duckling could do it. But spies will be hunting that parcel and- actually, one’s got it already. Time to give chase! Target: male with green hat. I’ve already got a police sketch drawn up.

Careful! I hear he’s a merry man!

Quackie follows the thief to the train station, and onto the most threatening locomotive this side of “Cuphead”. If the shrieking whistle doesn’t make your pants wet themselves, the endless eyes watching from the compartments will make it so. But that’s why Quackie is a detective, and I’m an amateur animation historian. He gets on board. (Watch out for that blue guy! I bet he’s a ghoul.)

There’s the thief! He’s just ducked into one of the cabins. Quackie drills a hole and points his gun. Give up the case or make out with the bullets! Your choice! And yet, despite those very reasonable choices, he chooses to pun the gun inside and shoot Quackie! Cheater! Oh wait. We got the wrong guy. This one is clearly wearing a top hat. And it’s not green.  A customary tip of the hat and this guy is one his w-GREEN!  I saw green on that head! Get him, Quackie! Be a hero!

Well, we can’t be quite sure who this mysterious man is, but he is willing to have Quackie join him for a drink. Rookie error! Reveal that hat, Quackie! And… he’s got a number of any hat BUT green under that top one. Well played, Barty Clubbin. Drink time! And I wanna break character to say how on top of things Daffy is during this scene. Shoots the guy poisoning his tea without looking and dumping the deadly drink into the nearest spittoon. (Even makes Barty flinch.) Still, he manages to subdue the detective with the ‘how many lumps do you want’ gag.

Now we’re sure this is our man! Chase time! It’s brief, but Quackie is outfoxed, stuffed in a mail sack, and left hanging on the nearest mail hook. Barty could get away right here, but he didn’t see the railway crossing, and is knocked off himself. Just in time for Farway and Mary to arrive, the latter knocking the thief out for good with her anvil-laden purse. Time to get that package where it belongs. Upon delivery, Quackie is aghast to find that he has just participated in an instant coffee run. But the consulate reveals it’s better than that: it’s a jar of instant woman! (Err… was that water he added?) He needed an escort, and Quackie delivered. The duck figures their could be a market for this stuff, but I’m not sure humanity is ready for it. I still remember the instant hole fiasco.

Favorite Part: When Quackie is checking the compartments, he finds a man about to be stabbed. It’s also said victim who pulls the privacy shade down.

Personal Rating: 3. I’ve never really heard of “Boston Blackie” before today, but I managed to make it through without scratching my head.

Malibu Beach Party

“I don’t want’a be covered in sand.”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Jack Miller; Animation by Gil Turner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on September 14, 1940.

Like many kids, I had the standard ‘dream of being a celebrity’ dream. I was going to be a star of my own direct-to-video movies (I’m that old, yes) I was going to do all my own stunts, and people were going to love me and I’d be on talk shows. Oh, and parents and kids would both adore me because I’d be entertaining AND educational. What changed my mind about such solid and realistic career plans? Well, I don’t fancy the idea of having to socialize with other people in Hollywood. (Why must I entertain the amateurs?)

But thanks to cartoons like this, I can get a glimpse of what kinds of things happen when all the biggest stars of the day get together. Jack Bunny is playing host, and is still stuck with that name despite being all human in this short. He’s in character, seeing as the invitations he sends come with a coupon that will give you a free 25 cent meal in exchange for fifty cents. He’s accompanied with his lady friend Mary, who gets greeted by Spencer Tracy. She’s Miss Livingstone, he presumes, and Kay Kaiser confirms. (Both glad to have escaped from that squeaking Africa.)

Always on the lookout for a way to make money, Jack is selling boats and yachts. While a certain George hangs out with the rest of the rafts. The typical “Gable has big ears joke’ this time is him using them to paddle through the sea, and ‘Garbo has big feet’ one has her using them as water skis. Back on the beach, John Barrymore announces that he is here to bury Caesar. Bad luck for Mr. Romero. (At least now there will be no future arguments about his mustache.)

Bunny has musical accompaniment by “Pill” Harris and his orchestra, and the tunes are enough to get people dancing on the furniture. And we’ve got “Winchester” tending bar. Bunny wouldn’t spring for more than a half-pint of liquor, but it’s a party so he IS willing to splurge on his water bill to fill those glasses. Now for our singing act: Deanna Durbin. Her voice is so lovely that she could even get Ned Sparks to smile. (And he does with great effort!) Mickey Rooney is smitten with her but his difficulties with height means he can’t catch the flower she tosses. Carey Grant has just made a mortal enemy.

Bunny now hypes up the featured attraction: himself! And that means violin playing that many of us are too uncultured to appreciate as the highest art. But with the kind of celebrities we have walking out, I don’t fell like I’m in such bad company. (Even if they have comedically oversized heads.) Winchester too, tries to take his leave, but his boss ain’t having it. At least one person is going to listen to him play, and if he has to sit on Winchester to make it happen, so be it. (I wish I could say this was the first time in history the white man stood over the black.)

Favorite Part: Ned Sparks attitude is so bad that even a literal crab tells him to cork his windpipe. I like the crab’s line delivery.

Personal Rating: 2, if you know your old celebs. Probably a 1 for everyone else. At least “Hollywood Steps Out” had some decent gags that didn’t completely rely on knowledge of the stars.

People are Bunny

“Have a handful o’ blanks.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Ted Bonnicksen, Warren Batchelder, Tom Ray, and George Grandpre; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by William Butler; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on December 19, 1959.

Those born in 2010 C.E. and beyond might just never be able to understand the joy of actually watching T.V. None of this streaming crap; I’m talking about turning on the tube, flipping through the channels to find something, and either getting elated at your lucky find, or having to turn things off and read a book or play with your dog instead. As usual, we’ve sacrificed experience for ease, and while I can’t say Netflix doesn’t have a good many perks, it just isn’t the same.

But imagine how people like me must have felt in the fifties, when television was ruining the enjoyable trips to the motion pictures that used to be an occasional treat on par with visiting amusement parks and zoos. All of this tirade, just so I can point out that our short opens with Daffy watching television. Good thing his home has an island to keep the set functioning. The current show is “The Sportsman’s Hour” which is hosting a contest: be the first one to bring back a rabbit and win $1,000.00. That’s not too shabby. Say, doesn’t Daffy know a rabbit?

Daffy isn’t stupid enough to just outright tell Bugs to go with him to the studio, so he tries to sell the idea by offering him his extra ticket to said location. Bugs isn’t stupid enough to follow Daffy, instead claiming to be too busy for any fun today. Daffy makes him change his mind by taking a gun off the wall, and marching him to the studio. (Why does Bugs have two of those?) Upon reaching the place, Daffy sees exactly what kind of prizes this station can afford to give away. How’d that guy get the key to Fort Knox? And what’s his address? I’m suddenly in the mood to make a new best friend for one month!

Too bad Daffy is already busy trying to win a prize, or he could probably try for another. Wait, why give the benefit of doubt with that duck’s greed? He marches Bugs into a phone booth for safekeeping, and rushes to get himself a grab of the goodies. (Good thing nobody else was watching “The Sportsman’s Hour” or he’d probably get beaten to the punch.) While Bugs is winning call-in sweepstakes in the booth, Daffy has managed to become the contestant on “People are Phony”. (Not ‘Bunny’?) With a title like that, you’ll have enough material to reach “Sesame Street” levels of seasons.

The host, Art Lamplighter, (heh) tells us what Daffy is doing: going out into the world and helping an elderly women cross the street in 20 minutes. She isn’t Granny, but seeing as how this is a post-1950 world, you’d be forgiven for just assuming any elderly woman in the Looneverse was Granny. She also doesn’t want help crossing the street and beats Daffy the whole way. On the return trip, Daffy is run over, so Art declares him lost. (You know, when I was a contestant on this show, I helped an old lady cross a street and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.)

Daffy goes back to collect Bugs, who is still counting his winnings. He lures Daffy into the booth by saying the guy who gave him the dough might call back, and then imitating a ringing phone. (Woah! I didn’t know Bugs could make his arm disappear!) Daffy takes the bait, and the TNT receiver Bugs left for him. Bugs is now loose in the studio, and can disguise himself as an usher to send Daffy into the wrong rooms, or as a director on “Costume Show.” (Wow. That has ‘second season’ written all over it.) He gets Daffy in and in costume too: a rabbit costume.

Following stage instructions, Daffy walks out on the set of “The Sportsman’s Hour” with Bugs dressed as in Elmer attire. (I know Bugs is slightly taller than Daffy, but did the duck shrink in that suit?)Bugs wins another prize. Daffy reveals that he is actually a duck, and that suits the host just fine as the shortest rabbit season on record has just ended, and the shortest duck season has just begun. Fire away!

Favorite Part: Daffy inviting Bugs on the outing and the exasperated “Oh, boy!” and eye roll Bugs lets out. He knows him too well.

Personal Rating: 3

Young and Healthy

“Wake up, you chump!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Larry Martin; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on March 4, 1933.

Within every tapestry, there is an entire other world. In the one featured in today’s picture, it’s the 18th century life-round. And it’s also France so that means King Louie’s in charge. Prepare the royal staircase! Sound the color-changing horns! And cheer! In this universe, you might as well worship your leader because you’ll never get a different one! Hail! Oh yes, hail!

But despite our hailing, Louie doesn’t seem too pleased. Naturally, that just makes us love the jerk more. But it does make one wonder why our glorious ruler doesn’t smile. Have we failed as sycophants? Well, maybe the king will feel better after he’s taken a nap. I love that he loves to sleep. I love his color-changing coattail. I love his grotesque, ginormous, disgusting mole. I must, since I can’t take my eyes away from it.

In steps Queen Uhglii. She tells Louie that it is time for a ball. And our mystery is solved! Of course Louie is unhappy! “Balls, parties and picnics!” Day in, day out. 365.25 days a year! 4. Ever. They’re not all that fun to begin with, and as our distinguished, and perfect leader, he has to be proper the entire time. And that really starts to eat at you. And the final straw is the queen killing his Durante-flavored Jack-in-the-box. The only friend who truly understood him. The guy who was there for him when we weren’t allowed to. And he’s hacha’d his last hacha.

But Louie does see something that raises his spirits: children! Romping, and smiling and playing and enjoying life as only kids can. (And transforming into each other while they dance in a circle. I miss the days when I could do that.) That is what Louie is lacking in his life: fun. And one can’t ever be too old for that! (A message one should never get tired of hammering in.) You know what? He’s going to join them! And you know what else? The kids seem happy to include the guy. (Even white Bosko who rides in the royal pocket. Something the rest of us will never have the privilege of.) The only hiccup is ole Uhglii. She doesn’t seem too keen on kids. …. Get her.

The kids do this very well. Once her bloomers are on display, the queen runs off screaming much to Louie’s delight. So nice to see him smile once again! The kids have taken over the palace and set right in to making it their new personal playground. Too bad Louie has taken a tumble into a royal fountain and can’t join in. Even worse, since this is where the short ends, the tapestry will now forever depict the king spitting fountain water. Maybe we should find a new one to live in for the time being.

Favorite Part: The way Uhglii calls for her husband. Sounds like she’s calling a pig. And since there are no pigs in this picture, it’ll have to do.

Personal Rating: 2

 

The Queen was in the Parlor

“I’d rather listen to ‘Amos ‘n Andy’.”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Paul Smith. A Merrie Melody released on July 9, 1932.

Today is a day when many a people celebrate a man who is said to have died and come back to life. I’m not one to talk about religion, but I will tie that into today’s featured short, as Goopy Geer did the same thing, just taking roughly sixty years as opposed to three days. This was the last time people would see the guy alive for quite some time yet.

At the only castle in the shot, we decide to see what’s going on. Our king has returned. I call him Sir Pigguy, and so should you. He must be rather beloved as far as kings go, as he gets quite the turnout for his return and they are all singing his praises, and giving adulation. But our king has no time for such meaningless words, as he just wants to know where his wife is. The title is sung to him, and he learns that she doesn’t want to/can’t be seen. Rules don’t apply to kings, so he dismisses the singers and heads to her location.

The parlor is where the clothes mending takes place, as Queen Hippo knits a sock, and Princess Gigi patches up her father’s armor. (Methinks there’s something dishonest with the royal bloodline.) Since our king’s mood has been soured, he demands his jester entertain him. Goopy plays that part and offers to get the royal crooners, “Crosby, Columbo and Vallee”. (A cartoon I’d insert a link to if I’d blogged about it already. Chalk this up to another instance of me whining about how I don’t blog in chronological order.)

The king isn’t amused. Goopy dances for him instead. His little talking stick and hat change color. His left ear vanishes a few times. But darn it, he IS putting his all into things! And a cat fails at catching a mouse. (Something I only bring up to catalog Mickey Clone #248.) While the festivities continue, an ugly knight enters the picture and takes off with the princess. Goopy fights for her, as it’s just jester code. And he manages to hold his own fairly well, even without any proper training.

Still, as an amateur he finds himself flung into an assortment of kitchen wares. The pans, kettles, and graters make decent armor, but not great and he is punched against a pillar, knocking a stuffed ram’s head onto his own. With this new advantage, he is able to knock the opposition right out of his armor. Once the guy gets it back together, he flees. He’ll never recover from such an embarrassing attack.

Favorite Part: Goopy listening in at a keyhole and getting caught. “Are ya listening, HUH?” But I don’t get Goopy’s reply: “Yeah. I bought a windshield.” Maybe it makes sense to those who listen to “Amos ‘n Andy”?

Personal Rating: 2. It’s not such a shame that Goopy disappeared from theaters after this.

A-lad-in Bagdad

“Don’t ever dooo that!”

Supervision by Cal Howard and Cal Dalton; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Volney White; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on August 27, 1938.

In today’s short, Egghead is playing the role of Aladdin. Like most Aladdins, he’s one of those living on the street types. If he could just catch a break, he could be set for life. And just in front of him is a claw machine with some nice looking prizes on display. Al plays, and manages to get lucky on his first try. (Which is how you know this is fiction.) He thinks he’s just acquired a sugar bowl. Good thing the instructions are printed on the bottom.

After the rubs, he’s greeted by the genie of the lamp who lays down the rules: Aladdin gets anything he wants when he rubs the lamp. No limits. This delights the lad in Bagdad, but angers the guy who was playing the machine before him. An angry Arab that we will call Gephar. He’s always wanted that lamp so he could reclaim all the nickels he’s given the machine, and he’s going to follow Aladdin until he can nab it for himself.

Aladdin follows a crowd of people to a notice stating that the best entertainer will be allowed to wed the princess. (Because the best son-in-law is the kind that keeps you smiling.) Aladdin takes his magic carpet he just asked for to the palace and waits in line with the other schlubs who have no chance without genie wing men. They’re not entertaining enough, and the king lets them know with his trapdoor.

While Aladdin waits, Gephar secretly switches his regular lamp with a Foulger brand coffee pot™.  Let’s see if that will make a difference. When it’s Alladin’s turn, I’d like to say he’s got a good chance, seeing as the princess is clearly smitten with him. Too bad her father is the one making all decisions. (And I may not know much about any culture, but I swear she looks like she’s from another country entirely. Like Italy or Romania.) Aladdin does a catchy little musical number, (“Bei Mir Bist Du Schein”) but her father isn’t enjoying himself. Just let him reach for that trapdoor release…

WAIT! Aladdin has yet to play his trump card! Just let him give his lamp a quick rub. Oh. Guess he’s noticed the difference. (Does he look like he’s got two tongues to anybody else?) He’s ejected. When he peeks inside the palace window, he sees Gephar using HIS hard earned lamp to summon jewels so he can bribe his way into the father’s good graces. And it works, because personality means nothing; you gotta be able to provide. The sultan announces the wedding plans. (Losing his gloves and hair for brief seconds. A trait his daughter is able to replicate with her mouth.)

But Aladdin is willing to stand up for the truth. He runs in, punches the thief, gets his lamp back, and runs off with the girl. An angry mob follows, but the two interlopers are already flying off. Later, at wherever they decided to settle, the princess is feeling like she got ripped off. (It’s called ‘love at first sight’, rather than ‘perpetual sight’ for a reason.) She gives the lamp a rub and the genie shows up looking like Robert Taylor now. She happily joins him in his lamp.

Favorite Part: Two of the performers the sultan sent down the hole continue to sing. He tries to shut them off with a gun. He gets one, but hilariously enough, the other guy keeps going. (They were never that close.)

Personal Rating: 3

A Star is Hatched

“Goodnight my little pine knot.”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Bob McKimson; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on April 2, 1938.

In the little town of Hickville, Emily the hen idolizes the stars and starlets of Hollywood and fantasizes about the time when she too will be on the silver screen. (Ironically enough, this short actually being her second time. She wouldn’t get a third.) So enamored is she that she even talks like Katharine Hepburn. (Unless that is her normal speaking voice. It’s possible. I sound like J.K. Simmons, myself.) She can’t be bothered with the local rooster who comes a courtin’ for her wing in marriage. The high life is always the best life!

What luck! There’s someone at the gas station she lives at who could be a huge help with getting into pictures. A one J. Megga Phone by name, on his way back to Hollywood. (I love how he wears three pairs on sunglasses. I should do the same.) Emily lets him know that she has every intention of being big one day, and he likes what he sees. (She is pretty cute.) He hands her his card telling her to look him up, as home he goes.

Emily rushes to get her bags. (Past Alfred Hick-cock who never moved an inch.) She’s Hollywood bound! And she’s so committed to her dream that she walks the entire 2,000 miles which means Hickville is located in Maryland or West Virginia. (Or maybe her hitchhiking had more success than the montage suggested. Less impressive.) She makes it though, and she gets to see what some of the stars are doing when not on screen. Clark Gable drives a trolley, and W.C. Fields directs traffic, for example. And we see the cement footsteps left behind by Robinson and Garbo. (The former having a gun print; the latter being humongous.)

The picture business, that’s what Emily is here for. And Mr. Colossal wasn’t bluffing, he really is a director. One with at least 15 assistant directors who agree to whatever he says. (Except the 15th one who still has a shred of individuality and personality. Give us one week more, we’ll fix him.) His latest picture is a musical medley to America’s 48 states and if the clapboard is accurate, his name is actually Buzzard Berkelee. (I knew his cool name was too cool to be true.) Odder still, his movie is comprised of humans. Yeah, we already saw plenty, but it was only now that I realized how weird this world is. What does everyone eat?

Emily finds a casting office, but it turns out she’s not the only pullet here. Seems Mr. C gives out business cards to any girl he comes across and the room is already packed. And when the man himself enters, Emily can’t catch his attention; not that he even looks at or acknowledges she exists. Emily is already broken. Embarrassed and upset to find she was just one of many, she decides to forgo any hard work that would get her a position, and heads back home.

She married Alfred and we see how happy their little family looks. But one daughter can’t help but idolize the silver screen, and fantasize about when she too will be a star. Emily ain’t having it and gives her kid such a smack. If she’s not going to be an instant success, then nobody is.

Favorite Part: When Colossal says, “If you ever want to get in pictures, look me up.” and hands Emily his card. Flipping it reveals just that is written on the back. Not only gives a clue that he has so many of those cards, he’s memorized the script, but can be interpreted as him just being too dumb to remember what to say.

Personal Rating: If you’re not familiar with some of the biggest stars of the day, you might find the majority of jokes confusing. It’s a 2 for people like you, and a 3 for the rest of us.