Category: Merrie Melodies

Cartoons that were labeled as such.

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Streamlined Greta Green

“Mama!”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Animation by Cal Dalton and Ken Harris; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on June 19, 1937.

Today’s short takes place in an odd world where automobiles are the dominant life-forms. Post “Maximum Overdrive” they’ve revealed their plans, but pre-“Cars” every meat based creature has been eradicated. It’s a nice middle ground where we’re still sharing the planet, but we humans know our place in this car-dominated society. And the segregation doesn’t stop there. Witness the hall where only Taxi cabs are allowed to dance.

Okay, I did my research and now know what the joke is. It’s just literal now. You know, this world is kind of weird! The cars aren’t limited to driving on all fours; sometimes they get up on two. Tires are rubber, so they can shape themselves to be feet and hands. But boy, does it look unnatural and painful. I’d hate to imagine what the copulating must look like. Of course, I’ll be wondering from now on, since our main character is the result of that. I don’t know enough about vehicles to give him a clever name, so I’ma call him “Royce”.

Royce longs to be a Taxi, because I guess that’s the cool job in car town. I figured the race cars would be the rock stars. And the ambulances make more. So, how do the garbage trucks sell themselves? While I puzzle that, Royce’s mom find him planning for his future. Most parents like to see that, or at least tell their kid to not worry yet. She reacts with anger. No son of hers is going to be a taxi. He will be a touring car, like his dad who doesn’t exist on screen.

Royce refuses and his mom drags him home by his… part of him that the tires go under. (I don’t care.) He’s not to be punished, it’s just time for school. Was he playing with her lipstick? Why are his lips, (or just mouth I guess,) so red? She fixes him some lunch for later: a can of oil maybe?, a jar of traffic jam, (heh) and a thermos of gasoline. (A slightly color-changing thermos.) It’s sweet. I really can’t help but love scenes of parents loving their children. Royce should be grateful to have her.

She puts the meal in his seat, (How is he supposed to get that out?) sends him off with a loving pat, and gives his daily reminders about staying away from traffic and railroad crossings. (Her right rear axle keeps disappearing.) I do love Royce’s pouty face. On his way, he comes to what many of us only come to figuratively in our lives: a crossroads. One way goes to school, the other, the city. He hardly hesitates before choosing the latter. It’s closer! Maybe if his mom left his gas where he could actually get it, he could make longer trips.

The city is louder and less friendly. Royce should be glad there are no cops around. He shouldn’t be on the sidewalk. (Why even still have those?) He waits for the light to turn red, then gets on the road himself. Cars don’t have as many complex emotions as we do, so when the light is green, those behind him drive as if he wasn’t there. Good thing he just slides over them. Seems traffic was as dangerous as mom said. He manages to take refuge in a marked safety zone and gets a brilliant idea: carry it with him to be invincible. Gravity is the only foe he can’t conquer with that, so he falls into an open man-, excuse me, I mean car hole. (Egotists.)

Royce decides to make a stop at a service station for a drink. The human slave manning the place has many delicious flavors on hand: rose, violet, ethel. (Shouldn’t that be ethANOl?) Royce selects the Hi-power stuff. Probably not the best drink for minors, but the slave is not allowed to talk back to his overlords, and just comments on how strong the stuff is. And how! He basically gave the kid steroids. Royce is so fast, he could win a Piston cup before they’re even invented!

This speed stuff is great! In fact, disobeying his mom is what got him full of it, so he might as well go against her other wish and screw around by the railroad tracks. (The trains don’t seem to be sentient yet. Do you really care why?) Driving alongside it, he darts ahead and just barely passes in front of it at the nearest crossing. That was fun! Again! Wow, twice as fun that time! Again! Ah, if only poor little Royce listened to his body. He’s burning through that fuel faster than he’s traveling and he runs out right on the tracks. No fake-out crash for him. The train mows him down.

Now we see why the cars continue to keep us around: our fingers make us excellent mechanics. Royce’s stricken mother can only wait outside while her baby possibly gets patched up, possibly gets rebuilt as her daughter. Not to worry though, the surgery was a success! Royce leaps with a sudden jump into her loving wheels. (Was a cel lost?) She’s happy he’s still running, but like any good parent, scolds him for disobeying her. Royce doesn’t want to hear it, and runs off to race the next train.

Even though he’s out of speed juice, he makes it through unscathed. (Just ignore his bandage disappearing and reappearing. I’ll notice it for you.) He taunts, unaware that he’s on more tracks. And he’s mowed down again. This time it really is a fake-out! Those mechanics have earned another week of life, seeing as how the train ends up looking like I expect Royce did.

Favorite Part: Royce encounters a road hog when racing the train. It’s a literal pig. Only adds more confusion to what this world is, but I like swine.

Personal Rating: 2. The world is still weird! And isn’t even able to function without humans, so the immersion kind of shatters for me. Not to mention the cars uncanny appearance when they walk. I gave it an extra point for the imagination it did have, and the mom car. Royce doesn’t deserve her.

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Run, run, Sweet Road Runner

HOLD IT


“I taut I taw a *mbeep-mbeep*!”

Directed by Rudy Larriva; Animation by Hank Smith and Tom McDonald; Layouts by Erni Nordli; Backgrounds by Tony Rizzo; Film Editor: Lee Gunther; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Merrie Melody released on August 21, 1965.

Ugh. That title. Too long.

Wile E. may be a famished predator, but he’s not above playing with his food. I don’t know who drew a hopscotch board on the road, but it was nice of them to give the future roadkill a pleasant distraction before fate claims them. I must admit, I never was one for this game. You hop. What fun. If I’m forced into physical activity, you gotta distract me from the effort. The Road Runner hops the course no problem. And that was even with suspiciously conspicuous fog on the screen. The road missing?

Yes, but the course ends right before that part. Still brittle though, and Wile E.’s weight breaks it off. Down he goes. Another one of these days. He decides to set a trap, since chasing worked so well. It’s a mess of spikes he has to sharpen, but when dropped, he should have a tasty mess to lick up. (I mean, he’s still an animal, right?) He hoists it into place, (wow, those sound effects aren’t annoying at all.) and sets out the bird seed, and enticing signs. I do wonder why he hasn’t tried using shade as a selling point more often. Not drinking doesn’t mean you’re immune to the sun.

The problem with this scheme? Wile E. just waited too d*mn long! Didn’t even attempt to cut the rope! I’d be more mean, but I don’t want him to ban me from his movie. (Eight months to go!) He goes to rebait the trap and it comes down in a pretty smart way: the suns rays get focused through his binoculars and burns the rope. The way the bird interacts with his pursuer in these non-Chuck pictures, I figured he’d cut it himself. Next.

The phony hen ploy! Proven to work on at least one out of two species in the desert! This time, it will be a decoy. Just gotta paint some eyes on… a little dab of black for the pupils… don’t worry, the whites will just appear as you work… Beautiful. I bet that would attract everything from shrikes to queleas. She’s planted and Wile E. waits with an axe. The roadrunner just steals a kiss as he passes by. He knows he belongs to one of those bird species where the male has to do just as much rearing as his mate. Oh, why couldn’t he be more like the other cuckoos?

No point in wasting a good hen. Wile E. sets up again, this time while he’s dressed in Native American garb. (They revered you as a trickster and you repay them by depicting them the way Hollywood did? That’s showbiz for ya.) His aim this time is to do a rain dance. This will generate lightning, she will work as a lightning rod, and the Road Runner will be cooked internally. Just pluck’n and tuck in. As for why that bird would actually stop this time? It’s a well known fact that female types become significantly more attractive when wet. Probably could have just dolled her up in a damp t-shirt.

It’s working! The storm is brewing, the bird is in place, and the coyote can practically taste the side dishes. His mistake? Opening an umbrella. Now he’s got the tallest metal structure around, and the lightning zaps him. Waaaah, Wile E. C. hates this! (Just thanking Mr. Taranto for his latest book. I thoroughly enjoyed it.)

Favorite Part: Wile E. wagging his eyebrows at the camera. The limited animation made it funny.

Personal Rating: 2. I’m being generous. There were a few good faces in here to bump up a weak score. The main problem is the gag length. Chuck made his gags quick and punchy, so the cartoon could hold twice as many here. And stretching them out didn’t make them any funnier.

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A Fox in a Fix

“Ooh! You evil genius, you!”

Daffy dog and egg head.

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Rod Scribner, Phil DeLara, Charles McKimson, Emery Hawkins, John Carey, and J.C. Melendez; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on January 20, 1951.

The lights on the farm are out, which makes it the perfect time for sneaking. A fox I’m calling Chum descends down with a sack. Either he’s prone to hyperventilation, or he comes to pillage poultry. It’s the latter, and it’s hard to blame him. Freshly snatched hens taste way better than the dead ones at your local grocery stores. They’re also susceptible to fainting spells, so there’s hardly any struggle. There’s also the old ‘chickens wearing bloomers under their feathers’ bit, but it’s barely on screen, so I barely laugh.

As he leaves, he gets caught by that bulldog who features in McKimson shorts, with a great bit of reaction animation. (Although the fog is a little distracting.) In his usual passive-aggressive tone, he talks to Chum. He understands that foxes like chickens, but seeing as how he’s the watchdog, it’d look bad if he didn’t do his job. Chum was just lucky he didn’t trespass on one of those places where he’d be slapped around. (As the dog thusly demonstrates.) All things considered, he gets off relatively unharmed, with just getting tossed off the premises. (Caniformia privilege means no penalties.)

Chum vows to get his dinner and comes up with a brilliant idea! Sharing a common ancestor means it will be easy to disguise himself as a Canis familiaris. Then, the watchdog won’t automatically evict him on site. Just got to shave some of the bushier bits, and WHAMMO! Instant foxhound! To really sell the illusion, he’ll have to prove he’s not nocturnal by entering during the dangerous daylight hours. Then, he’ll play up a sob story of being a hard-luck dog who is dying of starvation, thirst, and rabies.

It doesn’t work, but it does. That means that the watchdog knows exactly who it is because he operates on smell rather than sight. Whoops. However, he doesn’t let on, and invites Chum to stick around for a while. Even offers to share his food pellets. Being domesticated is worth it alone for the “meals”. The chickens seem to like him; being creatures that operate on sight rather than smell. Love the tension on Chum’s face as he tries his darnedest to fight his predatory urges.

Now one of the pack, Chum tries getting what he came for. The watchdog stops him with an offer: why not become a watchdog himself? He could get a real home, with a real purpose, and all the pellets he could eat! The watchdog even offers to train him. They’ll start with lesson one: watchdogs attack burglars. Teaching will be taught via role play. Chum will be the dog; dog, the burglar. Chum complies and learns lesson two in the process: burglars carry bits of lead pipe that they crush dog craniums with.

Lesson three is one anyone could do, even you: fetching a stick. A very important part of watchdoggery, to be sure. How else would you know to bring back whatever is left of a burglar after you’ve massacred them? Makes excellent fertilizer. Chum passes with flying colors, of course. His reward is to do it again! The best teachers are the ones who can disguise the fact they’re teaching you at all. Thus, the watchdog sends Chum after a lit dynamite stick to demonstrate lesson four: burglars will trick you if you don’t kill them fast enough.

Chum has survived his first day of training, so it’s time for well deserved rest. That watchdog must be very sure of his safety, if he’s willing to share his sleeping quarters. But then, maybe Chum can’t revenge murder on an empty stomach. With his nemesis bedding down for the night, Chum goes to the coop once more. He gets his prize, but the watchdog is always on duty and stops him again. Chum decides to literally pull the ‘somnambulist card’ which states that you DON’T wake a sleepwalker. He could be very embarrassed.

Chum exits the premises, and now I love the chicken’s “what’s the use in struggling/is this real” expression. Chum lets her go when he eyes a much meatier prize: one of those cassowary sized birds that isn’t even a cassowary. Boot camp WAS worth it! But lesson five is to not be greedy, and he failed that one. Non-silent chicken is dog! (Chum’s shadow disappears. I know that’s common at night, but I still felt it worth mentioning.) Knowing there’s no way out of this, Chum flees and hitches a ride before he has to hear any more lessons.

Turns out lesson six was really important. It’s to not hitch rides with strangers. Otherwise you might find yourself a fox in a furriers truck. They operate by smell too you know.

Favorite Part: Chum’s run when he has to play along with the lesson plan. It’s reluctant, disgusted, humiliated and really sells the image of a child who is being forced to play with a younger sibling.

Personal Rating: 3. High 3.

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Cinderella meets Fella

“I guess I got my dates mixed.”

Supervision by Fred Avery; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Virgil Ross; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on July 23, 1938.

That Avery and his parodies. Twisting them enough to make a pretzel blush. If “Red Hot Riding Hood” is his best one, then this is his most pure. By which I mean he leaves the story relatively intact, then squeezes a gag into most every shot. It’s great for everybody who has heard the story before, and you know we have.

A royal ball is being held and ladies from all around are headed there for dancing, then to Sweeney’s for a bite to eat. There’s only one staying home, and it isn’t by choice. Cinderella is told by her step-family to stay behind. And that may be for the best. Look at her. Listen to her. She’s only not a minor because the plot says she isn’t. And I don’t normally listen to him. Cindy has a nice gascandle to warm herself by, so it isn’t all bad. I can think of worse ways to spend a Friday night at nine.

Nine? Where is that fairy godmother? Things can’t wait, so Cindy phones the cops and they promise to search every spot in town she could be: bars, taverns, watering holes, moonshine porches, and liquor cabinets. They know what they’re dealing with and bring the old bat right over. I wouldn’t rely on this broad. It isn’t because of her color changing dress, and gloves that disappear when her hands are in closeup; and it isn’t because the best transportation she can magic up is a stagecoach; it’s because we have a history, her and I. I asked her to bring “The Muppet Show” back and have me be the special guest star, and she only granted the first half!

‘Rella gets to the ball in one piece. I can’t say the same for her ‘steps’. They probably ignored the sign saying ‘Do not feed Cracker’. (He’s the crocodile in the moat.) Everyone agrees that she is attractive, so either she really is of age, or everyone is going to join me in hell. Then the prince shows up. His given name is ‘Charming’ but I like ‘Chow-mein’ better and he does too. But you could call him ‘Egghead’ and I wouldn’t correct you. It’s love at first sight for the two, and making like Disney, we even get a musical number. (“Boy meets Girl.”)

Weirdly enough, I actually buy them as a couple. ‘Rella has spent her life treated like mosquito crap, and the prince is a clumsy klutz who isn’t much to look at, doesn’t look like he belongs in this time period, and whose head isn’t even attached very well. (Now let me tell you what I don’t like about him.) Yet, they are both kindhearted individuals who can see the outer beauty in her, and the inner beauty in him. I guess I just have a soft spot for the somewhat pathetic guy getting any kind of action. And there’s nothing wrong with them planning the wedding already. It’s the right time to do so in a fairy tale.

Cindy wasn’t given any curfew, but the story dictates that she flees the premises at midnight, so she does. Chow-mein chases after her, running through another couple as he does. (I don’t think Avery meant for that to happen. Not without a reaction, anyway.) He could try and identify her by fitting her foot to her shoe, but everyone everywhere has pointed out why that wouldn’t work. He just searches manually all around the town. The house lit up with neon advertised as her living quarters might be a good place to look. But is it too obvious?

He searches every nook, cranny, crook and hiding spot in the place, whether or not she’d actually be within. (Cuckoos from the clock (one of whom can disappear): “Now you know she wouldn’t be in here!”) All he can find is a note from her saying that she couldn’t wait for him, and went to the movies. He cries. Can you blame him? The most amazing girl ever; witty, pretty, artsy, smartsy, kind, refined, tough enough, and supportive, just gone without a trace! He never got to tell her he loved her once more! He never got to say goodbye! Now he’ll spend the rest of his days alone and waste his remaining life holding onto the past! And now some jerk in audience is blocking my view!

I kid. It’s Cinderella! Always watching over her pitiable man anyway she can. The two are reunited and decide to step out of the iris-in and stay in our real world. They know that it doesn’t matter where you live if you have someone who completes you, and Chow-mein would probably dump her for the next girl he sees should he remain in pictures.

Favorite Part: Cindy is savvy to her story, even if her beau doesn’t follow the rules: she doesn’t lose her slipper, she makes sure to place it down in front of his face. Now he won’t trip over it.

Personal Rating: 4. Charming is the word of the day! Non-stop gags that still manage to fit around a sweet love story are beloved. It worked in “Shrek 2”, too!

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Ducking the Devil

“I juthst gotta have that 5 g’ths!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by George Grandpre and Ted Bonnicksen; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Bill Butler; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on August 17, 1957.

A Taz cartoon without Bugs! The only one in fact! And probably my favorite to boot! Let’s dig in!

That armored vehicle isn’t going to any bank. Its cargo is far and away more valuable. (But less deadly.) This truck is en route to the zoo to deliver the latest exhibit: a Tasmanian Devil. The keeper tries to keep the beast under control with his poking trident, but the brute not only bites it apart, he escapes from his delivery crate. The patrons need a moment to take it in before realizing this is a perfect panic scenario. They flee en masse, and I’m glad to say there were zero casualties. Well, on the devil’s part. Some were trampled in the mobs.

Important stories like this are fit to print, and Daffy reads about it in his paper. He’s never heard of such an animal, but the article fills him in on the important stuff. It’s powerful and perpetually hungry, and fancies wild duck above all other game. But we in the zoological field know that its favorite food is really whatever is co-staring at the moment. Daffy is a little disturbed, but piles on the bravado by claiming he is no coward.

Taz recycles his way over for the second time in the year! It’s a fine enough part to be proud of, but it could have also been fun to see what new things Taz could spin through. He’s got two more chances before we’ll have gone through his entire filmography. I know the outcome, but I’ll stay mum on it just in case you’re going to be patient enough to find out what it is in time. Daffy admits to being a coward and tries to hide under the water. Sea devils aren’t as vicious as the land ones.

She-sea devil
Of course, I could be wrong.

Insatiable hunger is bosom buddies with insatiable thirst, and Taz downs the whole pond. As is convenient for the plot, Daffy forgets he can fly and flees on feet. He catches his breath at Hamburger Center and overhears the radio stating that a reward is being offered to get the cowardly populace to take action. This is the grand poobah of invasive species here, wimps. And he’s way too valuable to just put down. Plus, our modern medicines can help prevent him from ever getting DFT.

Daffy is sold the minute cash is brought up. I like that his greed outweighs his fear. The only problem is how he’s going to get the creature back since they’re at least ten miles away. (Oh, excuse me, those of you who use metric. That equals to 52,800 feet.) Well, the radio has an answer to that problem too! The Tasmanian Devil becomes docile when exposed to music. And for the longest time, I always though that was just an established bit of Taz lore. That’s because after seeing this short as a kid, I saw this:

Two different instances. It had to be a well known fact.

Daffy alerts the Devil to his presence and tries to turn the radio back on. He turned it off for the sake of this joke, you understand. And said joke gives it a bit of trouble in trying to find the music station again. (Love that “YIPPEE!” Think I heard that used in a “Humongous Entertainment” title once.) He gets the tunes at the last possible moment, and it works like a charmed animal. Taz is putty in this attack pause. Daffy leads him back.

They don’t make it too far. The cord comes unplugged and Taz reverts to his carnivorous ways. Daffy mails away for a trombone. The instrument I’d most likely believe was invented by a Toon. He can play it well, but loses the slide part when it gets caught in tree branches. So he next ties some bagpipes. This does jack all because the radio said Tasmanian Devils are soothed by music. (That’s an awesome joke. See why this one is my fave?)

Well, there’s only one other alternative. Daffy isn’t a songbird, but he starts singing all the same. Wouldn’t you know it? Works like a char- yeah, I’m not typing that again. Time to get movin’ right along! Ten miles isn’t the farthest you can walk, (I’d wager that would be the length from Portugal to Russia.) but have you ever tried to sing the entire length? Daffy’s voice is starting to waver by mile 7. You can feel the discomfort in his larynx. Mel, why haven’t they written one of those “Who is/was?” books about you yet? You’re more amazing than every human being who isn’t you.

Daffy manages to get Taz back to the zoo and back in his prison. Then, yes, Daffy actually gets his mitts on some money. Another reason why I hold this one high.

Favorite Part: What comes right after. Daffy is counting his wad, but he drops the final bill and Taz grabs it for himself. Without hesitation, the duck rushes in to the enclosure and gives the devil a thrashing to within an inch of his life. Bugs has to rely on his wits. Daffy just beat up the mammalian equivalent of an atom bomb. His greed might just rival Wario’s.

Personal Rating: 4. Especially when standing next to the other Taz shorts. This really stands  out as a deviant.

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The Egg Collector

“You got that way, and I’ll go this way.”

My word! A bird! (egg)

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Robert Givens; Animation by Rudolf Larriva; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on July 20, 1940.

Egg collecting is a hobby I’ve never tried to understand. Actually, I’ve never heard of it outside of cartoons and museums. If that strikes you as fun and you’re not killing any unborn animals, go nuts. I’ll continue to collect Looney Tunes merchandise. Whoever holds the record for the most, please send it to me after you die. I’m just presuming I’m more of a fan than you are.

Sniffles has found a book on the titular topic in the bookstore where his friend lives. In what is the norm around here, this isn’t the friend’s first picture. This friend is a bookworm known as The Bookworm, who looks closer to the real thing than you’d think, seeing as he has limbs. He doesn’t talk, and is figiteraly and liguravely spineless. He’s cute though. Little glasses, droopy cheeks, bow-tie and collar, and little yellow gloves. Just what you’d expect a cartoon bookworm to look like.

The page Sniffles is on says that for amateur egg collectors, a good place to start is with some kind of fusion of ‘great horned’ and ‘barn’ owl: The Great Barn Owl. (Noctua janus.) It’s a good starting choice, because it won’t gut you like a cassowary or projectile excrete on you like a penguin. Nah, these nocturnal birds are pretty near harmless, feeding mostly on small rodents. Sniffles doesn’t know that word, nor the bookworm. (Wisest insect indeed!)

Sniffles figures a rodent must be a flower of some sort. And while it’s just a cute bit, I actually really approve of stories where animals don’t use the names we give them. Why would they? Especially the ones who were named by cruel types:

Fathead Sculpin
Pigbutt Worm
Stink Badger
Goose

And flower isn’t such an uneducated guess. Rodent sounds a bit like rhododendron if you’re drunk/lobotomized, and if the bird is harmless because of its diet, that means it shouldn’t eat aspiring egg collectors. Sniffles doesn’t even act like a rodent. I’ve never seen him gnaw.

The Bookworm just happens to know where one of these owls resides: that church across the street. Sniffles is game so the two head over. But as everyone knows, the inside is the scariest part of any building. The insect isn’t at all ashamed to admit he’s horrified. Sniffles’s scowl makes him change his mind. The rodent says they will split up. Booky agrees, but walks backwards to stay as close to Sniff as possible. With his back turned, he doesn’t notice when Sniffles takes a detour.

A rewarding detour! Sniffles finds the egg. Freshly hatched, so he doesn’t realize he only grabbed half of the shell at first. Upon finding the owlet, Sniffles thinks, “Bonus! Who knew this hobby included free snacks?” So, why do you really think he chooses to child abduct? Even if it’s as harmless as you believe, that’ll just make you look all the worse. Do you really think being a merciless bass turd is going to convince the W.B. to renew your contract? And how’s B.W. doing?

He bumped into father owl. Great shot of the bird eyeing him. Would’ve terrified my childhood a$$. As he thinks things over, he starts absentmindedly plucking feathers. As if papa isn’t pissed enough. The Bookworm suddenly remembers what kind of animals have feathers, and sheepishly tries putting them back, sweating tubs, rather than buckets. When Sniffles finds him, he tells how he got the goods. The owl responding to his comments with tranquil fury. Somehow not seeing the massive bird, Sniffles goes on to insult it as well. It was big, fat, stupid, dumb, old, and a nincompoop. Wait… his little buddy doesn’t talk…

Sniffles finally takes note of the painfully obvious. Mr. Owl delivers another bombshell: Sniffles IS a rodent. And don’t think that Bookworm is exempt from his wrath, he’s also on the menu. How many licks will it take to get to their centers? As he goes in for the kill, Junior reveals himself. As any good parent would, dad is distracted by the “birth” of his child. Relieved to see the little fella is healthy, unharmed, and his. This gives the other their chance to escape. Sniffles grabs the Bookworm and flees back to the store. Now a much wiser rodent.

During the peril, the bookworm fainted. Coming to, he has a heart attack to see the owl is still standing over him. But not really. It’s just the illustration in the book. So you saw that earlier, right Sniff? And you still couldn’t recognize the real thing? I’ve never seen a south american tapir outside of photos, but I think, I THINK, I’d still be able to tell when I was looking at the real thing!

Favorite Part: That shot of when they’re looking up into the church’s attic. Boy is that eerie! You’re just waiting for something to leap out of the darkness/twitch slightly in the distance making you unsure if you really saw something move.

Personal Rating: 2. This is barely different from the previous owl encounter. If the insect wasn’t so adorable, I’d give this a one.

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Person to Bunny

“It ain’t much of a hutch, but it’s home.”

Bugsy pal! There’s a friend here to see ya!

Directed by Friz Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Art Davis, Gerry Chiniquy, and Virgil Ross; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on April 1, 1960.

(Not gonna lie. I always get this one confused with “People are Bunny“.)

Person to Person with Edward Murrow will not be airing today. His poor, unloved brother, Edward Burrows, really wanted a chance to host a show and we couldn’t say no to his face. He looks like a quoll, and they can get away with anything. (In case you’re wondering, his last name is different because he’s adopted.) It might not be a good idea from a business standpoint, but he knows how to do it: interview somebody that is known the world over. How about the biggest rabbit in show biz, Bugs?

Bugs accepts, and his hole is now littered with studio lights and cameras. Two-way cameras, it seems. Bugs can see his interviewer even if we can’t. (Well, you can’t. I already described what he looks like.) The interview has barely started when Daffy comes knocking at the door. He seems to have been unaware of Bugs’s day, but, no, he’s probably just being coy. This is being broadcast live, isn’t it? And he tells Burrows that he watches the show. It all adds up.

Surprisingly, Bugs isn’t having it today. He almost never loses his cool with Daffy. Least not so early in the cartoon. Perhaps because the duck is footage-bombing this time? He drags him out, much to Daffy’s chagrin. First question for Bugs: how is he able to outwit someone as intelligent; as brainy; as genius as Elmer J. Fudd? Bugs is blunt. He claims that Fudd is none of those things. In fact, his exact words are that “His I.Q. is P.U.” That’s a really good jab. If my autistic brain would let me say “P.U.” out loud, I’d be using it.

Daffy isn’t the only fan of the show. Elmer saw and heard the whole thing and isn’t happy. He arrives as Bugs’s place calling him to appear, or be labeled a coward. Sounds serious. Bugs puts things on hold to handle this, giving Daffy a chance to go ham in Burrow’s off screen face. Elmer demands an apology. And, yeah, he kind of deserves it. Isn’t this short suggesting that they are aware they are co-stars making pictures together? Is Bugs always so hostile off the set? I used to look up to you, man. Er, lagomorph.

Bugs sticks to his guns by plugging Elmer’s with his carrot. Going back down, he finds what Daffy has been up to. With Elmer right outside the door, Bugs attempts to kill one bird with one stone by suggesting Daffy perform in front of the zoom-r lens. Being Fudd’s rifle, Daffy gets his beak bent for the umpteenth time. Unamused, Daffy claims that Bugs isn’t special. Anyone could do his shtick if they have a rabbit outfit and a carrot. He demonstrates, and Elmer mistakes him for the real thing.

Daffy corrects the mistake, and Bugs leads Elmer off his property in a chase. Once again, Daffy takes the spotlight. This time to reuse some footage from “Show Biz Bugs”. Bugs gets rid of Elmer with one of his best gags that we haven’t seen since “The Big Snooze“. The one where Elmer chases him through a log, and Bugs pushes one of its ends over a cliff. Sadly, they don’t go all the way. Elmer just sits in the log confused after the second attempt. That’s not nearly as funny. And the opposite of comedy is tragedy, so I guess you better start crying.

Back home, Bugs once again finds Daffy was actually calling the kettle black when he called Bugs a camera hog. Bugs decides that the only way to get rid of him is to let him perform. Daffy is delighted and asks if his friends will see him. What friends? Porky? Or….

Do you mean Porky?

Bugs lets him know that his friends are just a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of the people who will be watching. The normal viewing audience for this show is at minimum four million. Since Bugs gets to act different today, Daffy demands he get to as well. He faints upon hearing that number. Too bad we’re out of time. I didn’t get to ask Bugs my question. (Do you have any footage for “Bye, Bye, Bunny” that I can view?)

Favorite Part: When Daffy’s bill is bent upward. Not only does he look super pissed, but his voice sounds all muffly. And speaking of voices…

Personal Rating: 3

Actually, I was going to ask that you take off your hats in reverence for the last time we would hear Arthur Q. Bryan’s perform as Fudd. He was sadly dead by the time this one came out, and we’ve never had a better performance. (Though, I always thought Billy West came the closest.)

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Fox-Terror

“Well, boll, ah-say, boll my weevil!”

That’s the biggest chick-en, ever he seen!

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Keith Darling, George Grandpre, and Ted Bonnicksen; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Bob Majors; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling, Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on May 11, 1957.

There’s an alarm going off in the chicken coop! I bet it was a fox, because there’s one vacating the premises now! Barnyard rushes over to the one who pulled the alarm, some young rooster. Barnyard doesn’t take him too seriously, because he’s just a kid with adult plumage. Doesn’t help that the little guy can’t use any big-boy words. The Dawg interprets the squawks as asking for a drink of water. Water is delicious and all that, but why even have the alarm if you won’t take it seriously? Has he cried fox before?

Foghorn has no interest in pranks today. He aims to go fishing. Roosters love fish! They’re basically the same animal in different biomes. The foxy rascal catches sight, and hatches an idea. Nothing as dumb as trying to eat the bird willingly walking off the premises, (he’s 65% salmonella from all his fishing) no, his plan requires donning a disguise that makes him look like he deals in cocaine, and telling Foggy point blank that he isn’t going fishing. He should take the local hunting dog and go hunting. Roosters love the power that comes from wielding a fire arm, and goes to fetch B.D.

Barnyard resists, saying he has to continue to guard. (Leading me to believe that he’d love to go if he had free time. It’s what he was bred for, after all.) The fox tries to get some dinner, (That green hen doesn’t look ripe enough.) but the little rooster from before pulls the cord again, and the Pavlovian treatment gets Barnyard to rush back, dragging Foghorn behind him. Foghorn gets slammed into a birdhouse, and that just kinda kills his urge to hunt. It really would be weird; him being classified as a game bird, and all. And seeing as there’s no fox, Barnyard gets the kid more water. Hydrate to feel great!

The fox already has a new scheme. Playing game show host, he ushers Foghorn into a booth with two buzzers. Here’s the question: he’s got to recite the poem that contains the words “red” and “blue” and, once he’s got it figured out, recite it, pushing the buzzers when he mentions the hues. That’s too vague! I mean my answer was:

The color of burns and embarrassment, sure, but also luscious, ripe apples and good cuts of meat. Stop for the fist hue of the rainbow and bow: red. On the other extreme: cool, calming, and collected. A friendly sky, a majestic ocean, and animals you should not ingest. You shouldn’t feel sad when you behold: blue.

And that fox had the audacity to not only say I was wrong, but that my poetry is amateurish! I can’t take criticisms if they’re wrong!

Foghorn claims that the answer goes” Roses are red…” and he pushes, unaware that the device is connected to dynamite that the fox stuck in Barnyard’s mouth. Even though he was asleep, and Foghorn is a sound-muffling room, he knows exactly the accompanying line and pushes the buzzer himself once he’s donated his explosive to Foghorn. Man, this game show has everything!

Foghorn decides to go fishing after all. The fox meanwhile, has tricked Barnyard into leaping into a magic box. It’s magic because it’s fairly large, but can be folded into a pocket sized cube. He gives it to Foghorn, claiming it to be a lucky charm for fishermen. Roosters, that is. Actually, he charges Foggy ten dollars. Helps keep up the charade, you know. All Foghorn has to do, is blow on the charm thrice, then toss it over his left shoulder. Following these directions has the charm landing in a well. Best hope you did it perfectly!

Barnyard escaped, and you’ll never know how he did it. He folds Foghorn up and toss him in the well. That’s just a really fun bit of cartoonery you don’t see unless a character has already been flattened. I like it. Foggy finally asks why Barnyard is beating him up today, as he’s been particularly kind today. (I.E. out of character.) Barnyard says he’s interfering with his guarding, but that was only the first time! Foghorn catches the real culprit entering the enclosure once more, but holds Barnyard back as he’s got a plan of his own.

The fox has cut the cord for the alarm, but the little rooster still gets it to ring by pulling the severed end. Even though, as far as the fox knows his latest scheme worked, he flees. He runs into Foggy and the Dawgy dressed up like he originally was. Knowing that everything has been figured out, he struggles to come up with an explanation, but the two aren’t hearing it. They don duelist uniforms, turn, and shoot the fox. That was just the appetizer though, they let him have a head start as they get into their next outfits: horse and fox hunter.

The hunt isn’t on though. It’s the little roosters turn to don the slicker duds and tell the two that they won’t be doing as they plan. Mainly because the cartoon is over, but also because… actually just that. The cartoon is over.

Favorite Part: Barnyard getting fed up with the kid “asking for water” and planning to just bean him with a hammer. Oh, quit whining about child abuse. 1. The kid fights hammer with hammer. 2. I’m still not even sure that’s a kid.

Personal Rating: 3

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Johnny Smith and Poker-huntas

“Oh, agony!”

Supervision by Fred Avery; Story by Rich Hogan; Animation by Paul Smith; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on October 22, 1938.

I must be honest: I’m no expert on any people the title might or might not be parodying. I don’t think I even knew Pocahontas wasn’t a fictional character until I was at least ten. With all of that said, they aren’t animals, so I can’t tell you what actually happened. We cool?

A toast to the descendants of the Mayflower. All over-seven-nonillion of them. You see, it’s funny because I don’t think that many humans have even existed on planet Earth. I knew Fred Avery was capable of visiting the far future. Because I have photo evidence of him attending my sweet 16. No, you can’t see it.

There are pilgrims crossing the sea to reach America. Their captain is one Johnny Smith, but his bosses get to call him Egghead. He’s pretty proud of himself, because he’s in the process of making history and will be in books on the subject. Whether or not that is something to be proud of all depends with what you do with your life.

They’re not just making this voyage for religious reasons. America is quite the developed place by 1620. The local populace lives in teepees, yes, but they have motor vehicles, barber shops, and jokes based on stereotyping. What do they even need white men for? (But for real, the donkey with her own papoose is adorable. Babies are always cuter when you stuff them into something.)

The natives see the approaching ships, and notify their chief, No squat no stoop no squint. Quite the mouthful, that. How about changing your name to three nose? Less cruel than four eyes, right? (Yes, I did see part of his phone disappear. They truly are savages!) They’re ready to intercept their visitors. At least, let’s hope they’re just visitors.

Johnny and the crew stalk the forest with guns. It’s just for protection, really! You can’t be too careful when there are scalpers about. You seen the price of their tickets? The monetary cost is phenomenal, but you’ll lose your soul in the process. And that’s no good. Good thing Johnny is one of them! Alas, even if they share the same side-hustle, they will never be brothers. The chief gives chase, but this is a short film here! Gotta think of the feature film! A title card asks Johnny if it’s okay to cut the chase part out, and he’s cool with it. They were never going to catch him anyway.

So after they catch him, the jeering section demands he get the axe. (I’ll have to remember that one.) Even Johnny reminding them of his historical significance doesn’t sway them. And what was the point in evolving a line on the neck detailing where to put the killing blow if nobody is ever gonna use it? Can anyone save him? How about the second half of the title? She’s running out of appearance time.

Not to worry. She’s heard everything on the radio and drives out to save the guy. As is befitting of women drivers, she runs over the executioners. (I’m actually amazed they didn’t use a joke like that. Would that have just tipped the good taste scale too far?) They stop for a photo, and flee. As is befitting of executioners, they give them a ten-second head start. It’s all part of the fun, and they find this some fun indeed. They unanimously decide to keep doing it.

One of these days, they’ll give up the head start nonsense, and that’s when they’ll finally catch their escaped victims. It is not one of those days, yet. The runaways get back to the Mayflower, and escape to open waters, where there is no law. Finally, they share their first kiss. And after their marriage, they settled down in a nice house… somewhere, I’m sure. They read “The last of the Mohicans”, but they of all people know that isn’t true. You remember that creepypasta where Egghead was a character on “Baby Looney Tunes”? Well, you’re gonna hate me for this, but… I found the source!

Favorite Part: Poker starts to tell us that we don’t have to worry about their capture, because they’re getting away on a ship. Johnny chastises her for spoilers. I’m now remembering all the let’s play’s I’ve seen where the half of the duo playing wouldn’t let the blind half discover things. I’ll be wanting their apologies.

Personal Rating: 2. There is a bountiful feast of classic Avery goodness to go round, but the cultural appropriation makes it a bit harder to swallow these days. If you don’t have guilt over such jokes, enjoy your 3.

P.S. Since last week, I’ve seen a poor quality version of the “Coyote Vs Acme” trailer. Probably wasn’t supposed to have done that, but a reference to Michael Maltese and Chuck Jones? The 1812 overture? The return of Pete Lorry? I am not at all ashamed of what I did. I need Fred to loan me that time machine.

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Freddie the Freshman

“Hi-ho everybody, hi-ho!”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Paul Smith. A Merrie Melody released on February 20, 1932.

Who’s the freshest kid in town? Don’t be so sure you know if you’ve already read the title and watched the cartoon. Okay, I’ll tell you. It’s Freddie the Freshman, that’s who! Unless you’re a fish, I don’t think that’s something to be proud of. But maybe they just mean his dance moves? Or his breath? How about his car? I want a car that can piece itself back together when it breaks into pieces. I can see it now! (Because my eyes are open.)

So, now we know who Freddie is, but where is he going? To a party of course! That’s where all the fresh men go. They’ve got music, and dancing, ladies and guys; I really can’t remember the last black and white cartoon that showed an actual bull. And I think the lady dog is Gigi before she met Goopy. Freddie pulls up, has a stroke, (No really. Was that intentional?) and his car finally puts itself out of its misery. I’m sure as a spoiled yuppie, Freddie already has a new one in the mail. (Or maybe not. But he looks yuppie-esh.)

The party can really get going now, since everybody knows Freddie and loves Freddie and secretly wishes they were Freddie regardless of who they are now. Gotcha! Hugh Heifer doesn’t think much of him. Because there’s always got to be one person who is insecure about themselves and is envious of the people they aren’t. But that doesn’t matter because Freddie has Mickey clone #53, the most blatant one yet, on his side. (Why do all these mice like hanging out in cuspidors?)

Freddie has all the confidence that they will win the game tomorrow. Hugh disagrees. What do you think? Is it just because he’s on the opposing team? Or cuz he also wants Freddie to fail at something? (Should he even be allowed at this party?) DAY OF THE GAME! Everybody is here! If they’re not here, then they’re nobody. Simple logic, really. And we get an early version of the “cat eating” gag (sadly not a “cat-eating” gag,) from “Goopy Geer.” They really trimmed it down by then, as it originally had a 4th cat who licks his lips. On the better side, at least there’s no chewing with the mouth open. That’s always gross, no matter how little of the color spectrum is used.

The name of the game is American football. There’s the kickoff, and Freddie’s teammate, Porgie the Porkman catches it in his belly. If he looks uncomfortable, it’s only because he has unwittingly committed cannibalism. Freddie kicks the ball back out and makes a play that Bosko will steal someday. This game is more exciting though, as the players have to navigate ponds on the field. Freddie paddles along, but the duck opponent has an advantage and gets the ball past the goal.

Now, because you’ve been bad, you get two jokes that aged poorly right in a row. If the big-beaked parrots being jewish doesn’t offend you, how about the over-the-top gay cock? Wow. Freddie, forget the game’s score, your picture just lost a point itself. Take it up with the rule book. It clearly states that as time goes on, any joke that makes fun of groups of people will be considered mean and wrong. I didn’t write that rule. I kinda miss the days when a man in drag was considered a joke and nothing more. And fat shaming. Fat shaming was fun. (You’ve read the blog rules right? “Don’t take me seriously.”?

When Freddie gets the ball again, he’s got the entire opposing team chasing him. I think. The shot shows them running towards him head on, but they don’t meet up. Freddie has a brilliant idea though. A fresh one! He rolls a fence into a loop, and hamster-wheels his way through the opposition. Hugh tries to stop grab him while Freddie traverses the underwear on the clothesline part of the field, but the title song is getting another go. Freddie’s win was inevitable after that.

Favorite Part: Blowing raspberries is gross, childish, and just too raunchy for sensitive folks. Having Hugh say “Raspberries.” is funny if I get to say so myself. I do? Thanks!

Personal Rating: 2. I told ya it dropped a point. Sucks, but the rules are iron-clad.