Daffy’s Southern Exposure

“Name your poison, kid.”

Supervision by Norman McCabe; Story by Don Christensen; Animation by Vive Risto; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on May 2, 1942.

Ducks fly south when winter starts to hit. And fly north again when summer returns to their original residence. As such, they live in a perpetual state of blissful warmth and never suffer from seasonal depression. How I envy them. But according to Daffy, it’s gotten old. He opts to stay behind this migration to see what winter is like. I can guarantee that the thrill will run out by the smallest fraction of time it took for you to somehow lose interest in the only time of the year worth living through.

Things start out great. With a full lake to himself, Daffy can splash, jump and “woo-hoo” to his heart’s content. (What’s with the fade-out?) Since he has an audience, he tries showing off his fancy dives. As it is wont to do, winter ruins everything with a jump cut. Daffy switches to skating. It couldn’t get worse than this, right? Hold my cold duck. The snow, snow, snow comes down, down, down, in crushing freezing pile-ups, and anyone with half a brain would be smart to cry. Yup. In fact, it snows so hard that even the captions describing the scene can’t find Daffy. Can’t say he wasn’t warned.

Daffy is able to poke his head out of the storm to scold any of us who might have been laughing at his starvation. See, as if winter wasn’t already evil and vile enough, it also destroys a majority of food that nature’s babies need to survive. If I haven’t made myself clear enough, I was always on Heat Miser’s team. I don’t want to set the world on fire, but I can’t lie that I’d die happy. I don’t know how long Daffy has been struggling by this point, but he’s starting to see trees as meat. Protein! Delicious, filling protein! You’re needed!

Then, a blessed aroma. Food! It is food, right? Surprisingly, there’s no ‘could be’ joke. The scent vapor just spells ‘yeah food’. Daffy doesn’t have a nose to follow wherever it goes, but nostrils are enough. The scent is coming from a cabin just yonder. Inside of which dwell a couple of natural duck predators: a fox and a weasel. The weasel will be called ‘Abigail’ later on, so that’s his canon name. The fox has none, so if I had more of a following, I’d allow readers to vote on the name he’ll receive. Instead, I’ma call him Jackson.

These two have food all right, but they’re not happy. It’s all beans. Sure, they’ve got all the protein and fiber you could ask for, but have you eaten canned beans recently? Not as a side dish, but a main course. They’re kinda bland, and very soft. Not satisfying to chew. No surprise, Jackson has reached his breaking point. He wants meat. Thick, juicy, plump, marbled, direct from a corpse, meat. And there’s a knock at his door. The two are pleased to find a duck, but he’s a starving duck. And if you’re going to have duck, you want it to have some fat. That is some delicious fat.

Good thing they have food. Donning lady disguises, they invite Daffy in to fill his belly, while they method act their way through “Arsenic and Old Lace”. Just, hold the arsenic. There’s even a musical number where they try to play up the beans as the best meal Daffy’s ever had in his life. What they don’t know is, if you’re starving any meal will be the best meal of your life. When Daffy is stuffed to their satisfaction, they reveal the charade. Really should have waited for him to fall asleep or something.

Daffy flees, with Jackson close behind. Abigail, being the dumb one of the duo, runs into a wall. It’s a fairly short chase; Daffy is able to lose the fox by treating a log spanning a chasm as a railroad switch that makes a second path. Jackson runs into oblivion. I hope they have meat in heaven. Daffy runs all the way to Brazil. He might accidentally burn off all the calories the beans bestowed upon him. Last I heard, he had taken residence in the headdress of the furry version of Carmen Miranda. As for Abigail, I think he’s still loyally waiting for his friend to return with the duck. So beautiful. So tragic. One of the two, anyway.

Favorite Part: During the chase, Daffy stops Jackson. “Hey, jusht a minute bub, jusht a minute.” Is he gonna follow up with ‘are you following me?’ Nope. He just hits his pursuer.

Personal Rating: 3. I really don’t like winter. It’s lucky to have scored so well.

This is a Life?

“Easthy sthomach. Don’t turn over.”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Ted Bonnicksen and Arthur Davis; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Music by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on July 9, 1955.

That title is the title of my favorite show! It’s a program where they take someone from the audience, usually well known, and honor them by asking about their life story, showing some clips from their past, bringing on important people from their history, maybe even giving you a present at the end. Just in case it’s me this week, my guest stars will be named Richard, Megan, and Sabra. (The first two will not be pleased to interact with me again.) My gift can be every one of my characters as drawn by an animator I admire. Sally Cruikshank can do my self-insert, Tartakovsky can do the assassin, and Gooseworx can do the pogo-stick creature that has fingers coming out of its arms.

Drat my luck! Considering the celebs we got in the audience, I don’t fancy my chances. Granny, Bugs AND Daffy? I’ll be lucky to appear on the camera feed. Emcee Elmer says that our mystery guest is beloved in motion pictures, so that rules out me and Buddy. The person also is thoughtful of others, generous, charitable… Daffy is certain it’s none other than himself. Admitting that this constant praise would only be embarrassing if it wasn’t all true. And here comes Elmer now. Daffy happily introduces himself and tells Elmer that there’s much to tell. Don’t waste time talking to the rabbit next to him, just read out the name already!

So after Bugs is summoned to the stage, Elmer asks for him to start from the beginning. Bugs describes a scene he saw in “Fantasia” once. The Earth was young and tumultuous. Quakes and volcanoes abounded, but in a bit of water, life was starting out as microscopic blobs called protists. They probably used their flagella to kiss. That’s too far back for Elmer’s liking, so Bugs fast-forwards to 1947, when a hare was born in Manhattan.  We’re in a clip show after all. Shame Elmer cuts it after his first words. He wants to talk about the first time they met. Would that be “A Wild Hare” or “The Old Grey Hare“?

Guess I’m a pretty poor scholar. They first met in “Hare Do“. Duh! We just get to see Elmer lured over a cliff, before it’s time to move on. I love Bugs’s cheeky grin at remembering this. And Elmer’s book changes colors too. Elmer is a wizard. Time for a voice from Bugs’s past. It’s loud, gruff, rough, tough, devoid of fluff, buff, full of guff, a bit of huff, and that’s enough: it’s Yosemite Sam. Come to tell about the time Bugs was on his ship. Always a good idea to remember “Buccaneer Bunny“, but Sam never said it was a picture. Was he really a pirate in this continuity? Has he done hard prison time, then? Did he ever get another parrot?

Bugs is enjoying this trip through memory lane, but he’s the only one laughing. He even makes note of the time he threw lit matches in Sam’s powder room. Great callback! But the next two are total fabrications. Putting eels in their bed sounds kinda crass for Bugs, and covering them in cement is too dark. Elmer and Sam start plotting at this point, putting a lit bomb in a box for the bunny. Bugs takes it, but tries regifting once he hears it ticking. Do time bombs get lit fuses? A game of (extremely) hot potato erupts. Despite everything indicating the bomb was lit onstage and seen by everybody, Daffy decides to claim it for himself. Ah, but he probably had his eyes shut for most of it. Pleased to get what he claims is rightfully is, he explodes with happiness.

Favorite Part: Daffy complaining about his limelight being stolen by a nobody. While he rants, Granny starts looking for something. He correctly guess it’s her umbrella she wants, so he hands it to her. Glad to have it back, she smacks him. Almost makes me ignore the crazy eyes she has. Do the elderly enjoy crack?

Personal Rating: 3. I’m normally not so generous to the shorts that reuse clips, but the wrap around segment was enjoyable, took up most of the screen time, and showed a beautiful contrast of Bugs and Daffy’s egos.

Holiday for Drumsticks

‘YOU WILL SOON BE SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS AND CRANBERRIES!’

Directed by Arthur Davis; Animation by Emery Hawkings, Basil Davidovich, J.C. Melendez, and Don Williams; Story by Lloyd Turner; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on January 22, 1949.

That’s a wonderful date to have a thanksgiving picture! No sarcasm here! I could probably handle seasonal depression easier with such a glorious feast! Please don’t leave me, summer! Life’s not worth living when it’s not you. And as for the actual plot…

Pa and Ma are hill folk, so they’re used to having some neighbor trying to kill them on a daily basis. Or even sooner. They’ve learned to make the best of it. Using the shots fired to open pouring holes in the coffee pot, light matches; the mundane things we all hate doing. Once they’ve gotten their use, they’re sure to plug ’em right back. Otherwise sleep would be awful difficult. Since Thanksgiving is approaching, Pa has brought home a turkey. Once he’s fattened up a bit, there will be plenty for me. I’m willing to share the cartilage.

Daffy isn’t at all pleased with his new roomie. (Yardie? Coopie?) According to him, there’s barely enough to eat as it is, and now most of that is going to the turk. Daffy stops him though, pointing out what’s going on here: they feed the turkey, in turn, he will feed them. Sounds fair to me, but Thomas is kinda selfish. Per Daffy’s coaching, he exercises as hard as he can. Faster! Stronger! Better! With all that lovely food going to waste, Daffy makes sure it goes to waist. Wait, confusion alert!

Does Daffy know about the actual plans? He kinda acts like he’s trying to pull a fast one. Has he really seen this happen before? Why all the hamming then? (Look who I’m talking about.) Why not be straight with the bird? “Hey fatstho! They’re gonna take a knife to ya! Why not let me eat the mostht to keep you trim? Nobody eatsth duck on Thanksthgiving!” Does he think Thomas won’t believe him otherwise? Why doesn’t Daffy encourage him to slim? I’ve seen a duck eat turkey meat. He really seemed to be enjoying it.

When the fated day arrives, the results are extreme. Thomas is basically spine and feathers. And a head and limbs of course. Daffy is a meatball. (What bird skeleton is on his munching table? Did Daffy stop any potential chance of turducken?) Pa takes one look at the turkey and deduces that he’s not healthy, and unlike other predators, humans only want the meat with the strength to fight back. As long as it’s tipping the scale of course. Daffy matches that description, and worse, I checked the rules; there actually isn’t anything saying you can’t have a different kind of fowl to celebrate the glory of the fourth Thursday. And duck is almost as tasty as turkey.

Daffy does his best to slim himself down, but it’s harder for him. He lacks Thomas’s discipline, and determination. Read: Pa keeps shooting all the exercise equipment. Daffy begs Thomas for help in hiding, which leads to what usually happens whenever Daffy asks for a turkey’s help, as evidenced in “Tom Turk and Daffy”. I’ve yet to actually discuss that one, and that’s probably why I have few visitors and fewer feedback. Ah, me. In case, you don’t know what I’m talking about, Thomas consonantly puts Daffy in painful hiding locations, deciding each one isn’t good. Wait, confusion alert!

Why is Thomas messing with Daffy? Even if Daffy hogged all the food for himself, the Thanksgiving threat was real. He helped saved you. Is he just trying to make sure the people don’t have to settle for turkey skeleton? Are turkeys just pricks by nature and I don’t have to feel guilty for enjoying their delectable muscles? Because as an animal lover, I have to. Thomas does have an actually sound solution: flee the country. The odds of death by Thanksgiving china, turkey and grease reduce significantly in places like China, Turkey and Greece. (I’m not proud of that one.)

Now that Daffy is dazed from the extreme hide and seek, he is happily wiling to waltz into the stove Thomas is calling a boat. (Hilariously, Ma and Pa are getting in on the action too, dressed as sailors.) If you think this ending is too dark, that’s just cause Ma can’t get a match lit. Daffy blows them out one by one. I guess he’s too fat to just leave the oven? He’s gotta Winnie-the-Pooh his way out now.

Favorite Part: As immature as it may be to say a funny face made me laugh as much as I did, the face Pa makes when he realizes how juicy Daffy is did me in.

Personal Rating: Well, it’s tough to say. A few confusing character moments didn’t help my scoring, and it was pretty much a weaker version of the previously mentioned “T.T.A.D.”. I’m feeling generous though. It is now officially recognized as a member of the 3 club. Welcome, and here’s your club robe.

The Music Mice-tro

“Now I’m gonna destroy you, within an inch of your miserable life!”

Produced by William Hendricks and Herb Klynn; Directed by Rudy Larriva; Story by Tom Dagneis and Cal Howard; Animation by Bob Bransford, Ed Friedman, and Virgil Ross; Layouts by Don Shepard; Backgrounds by Walt Peregoy; Film Editor: Joe Sircusa; Musical Direction by William Lava. A Merrie Melody released on May 27, 1967.

Daffy Duck plays his most challenging role yet as Daffy Duck, movie star of Hollywood. It’s not an easy life, despite what your fantasies tell you. You’ve got appearances to keep up, parties to attend, and constant retakes of the same scene where you just had to say ‘yup’ with a popping sound while kicking back your legs. Anyone needs a trip after a week of that. And when you need to recuperate, you’d do no better than at Balmy Springs. The resort any celebrity heads to in these trying times.

You know what’s the worst part of being a celebrity? Everyone recognizes you. Daffy is spotted by a band that I’m calling Speedy and the Mph’s. They’re hoping that he could help them get into the movie biz. But even if Daffy was the sort of guy who’d give struggling artists a break, he won’t because their music is not doing anything to soothe his jangled nerves. Speedy recommends he go and relax by the pool, telling one of his friends that they’re still going to audition. (Unless they’re both named Miguel?)

Really, Speedy. You’re kind of being a jerk this week. Daffy hasn’t done anything to you in this continuity yet, and you’re forgetting the fact that he’s only human even if he’s a duck. Ask him later. Right now, Daffy is enjoying the ladies at the water’s edge. No doubt close relations of Geordi La Forge, Elton John and Sunny Miami from Pixar’s “Knick Knack”. Before he can start enjoying life again, the band surprises him once more. He whips them off with a towel.

As a peace offering, Speedy offers a lemonade with a excessively large novelty straw. Daffy is receptive, but doesn’t look where that straw leads and ends up drinking pool water. And I don’t have the heart to tell him that those ladies probably did what we all do in pools when we think we can get away with it. (Common courtesy is no match for even more common sloth.) When Daffy gives chase, Speedy leads him onto the diving board and gives him the slip by running along the underside. The whole thing has made Daffy nervous enough to shiver, and this causes the diving board to fling him in the air. Didn’t even wait for him to bend.

Speedy watches (no tail for a frame) and tries to catch him on his reclining (wheel) chair. Daffy lands on his head, and falls in the pool. (Still can’t remember your flying/ swimming prowess, amigo?) Speedy pulls him out and attends to his “chillys” with a heat lamp. Making sure to go all the way gets Daffy a little burnt out, so he tries to smash the mouse with the lamp. He and it just fall into the water. Speedy gets to play Porky’s straight man routine, with a casual “shocking” whilst leaning back against a house. Daffy goes after him again, and rather than just stick his head in the convenient and perfectly sized hole, lifts it, loses his grip and drops it around his neck. The mice play for him once more. Daffy should not have to struggle what he little he does to escape.

To calm himself, he heads for the golf course. (Boring is soothing.) His lessons are paying off, as he hits a hole in one. Speedy throws it back out, and when Daffy goes over to them, he gets the music full blast again. He tries blowing them up, but they move the hole. They get away and Daffy reminds himself that he needs to relax, so he goes back to his game. Speedy doesn’t think a shaky duck could hit a still ball, so he puts a jumping bean in another for Daffy to hit. Doesn’t work, and when Daffy tries to grab it, it hops down his throat. The mice mistake his new jumping for dancing, and start up the music once more.

Daffy gives chase via golf cart, but crashes. Speedy then gives us an instant replay to watch it again. That’s one way to fill up the time. Seriously though, it wasn’t even played as a clever joke like in “Tabasco Road“! It’s just the same animation with ‘INSTANT REPLAY’ at the bottom of the screen. At least say this is for those who went out to the lobby to smoke or take a leak! Daffy’s had it. He’s heading back to the chaos of Hollywood. At least he’s familiar with that and has an agent he can blame if things annoy him. The band lives up to the name I’ve given them by constantly showing up while Daffy tries to pack.  Just leaving isn’t a solid plan either, as they are in the car too.

Favorite Part: Speedy tells Daffy that he can’t be caught as he is the fastest mouse in Mexico. Daffy curtly reminds him that they’re not in Mexico and gives chase.

Personal Rating: 2

The Million Hare

“He probably thinkth he’s miles ahead of me.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Dave Detiege; Animation by Ted Bonnicksen, Warren Batchelder, George Grandpre, and Keith Darling; Layouts and Backgrounds by Robert Gribbroek; Effects Animation by Harry Love; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Looney Tune released on April 6, 1963.

Bugs was quite the wealthy actor, back in the day. Just look at the setup on his TV antennae! Probably has ever channel available at the time. When he invites Daffy over for a vacation, all the duck wants to do is vegetate in front of the tube. That’s sorta like I was as a kid. Just replace ‘watch TV’ with ‘read all their books.’ Don’t look at me that way! They had more “Calvin and Hobbes” collections than I knew existed! Bugs is kinda against brain atrophy, but Daffy isn’t budging, so Bugs just joins in.

The program airing at the moment is called “Beat Your Buddy.” Don’t worry! It’s only as violent as one makes it. It goes like this: the host reaches into what is called a buddy barrel and pulls out D̶i̶d̶d̶y̶ K̶o̶n̶g̶  two names. The two mentioned on those scraps of paper must then race each other to the studio to claim their prize. Beautifully showing off the follies of man and how any one of us would probably kill our best pal for financial security. If networks could afford a show that would get sued every week, there’d be new episodes to this day.

Surprise, surprise! The two names drawn are Bugs and Daffy. And Daffy wastes no time getting started. He’s been preparing for this day all season. Bugs is slower, more amused than anything that the two were picked. And maybe confused? How are they getting the names? Just pushing a phone book through a deli slicer? What if you weren’t aware your name was called? Do they have cameramen that could fill you in? What if you really didn’t want to compete? What if one of the names drawn belonged to someone who was working on the show? What if I continued with the plot?

First obstacle is a lake. Daffy takes a motor boat, and when Bugs arrives he reattaches the rope tied to it to the pier. Maybe sabotaging Daffy intentionally, or not. Daffy and the motor rip through the boat, and go along under the water and ground before blasting into the air. Trying to work with this, Daffy tries to go forward, and immediately crashes into a tree. (Great timing.) By this time, Bugs has crossed the lake as well and hops along with springs on his feet. Does that count as cheating? Can you cheat at all if you started from the same place? Well, almost the same. Daffy was slightly farther from the finish then Bugs was.

Daffy takes a shortcut, which probably also isn’t cheating. And neither is trying to sabotage the other racer. Boosts those ratings. I do like how there’s just a key stone to remove in case you need to start an avalanche. You know, to make sure the rocks don’t fall on anybody? Except yourself, of course. Whoever thought this brilliant idea up, made sure the rocks would fall on top of the key stone puller. Bugs is ahead again. Daffy tries to use a tree to sling himself farther, which works for about all of two seconds before he crashes into a cliff face, and Bugs catches up again. Daffy is still able to run ahead, but because he doesn’t take his eyes off Bugs, he runs off the road. Bugs addresses the question I was asking the first time I viewed this: why doesn’t Daffy fly? (He’s forgotten he can.)

Bugs manages to get to the building the studio is in first. Just needs to make it to the top floor. Daffy plans to use a jet pack to get him up there first, but I think they still made it roughly the same time, as when Daffy flies back out, he’s got Bugs in his clutches. They fly through a china shop, hilariously breaking nothing, before they turn right around and do it properly. Emergency hos-pit stop…al. (Almost was clever.) Hey, I just thought of another question about this show! Does it have a time limit? I mean, I don’t know how long it would take to dress their injuries, but Daffy has a cast and cane, and Bugs is now in a wheelchair. Were viewers at home still enthralled?

It’s a good thing the studio building has elevators, so Bugs still has a chance. It’s a close call photo finish, but, yes, Daffy wins! He actually won! Actually… Bugs doesn’t really have a good “track record” for races, does he? Daffy asks for his prize and he gets it: it’s called a ‘million box.’ It’s called that because it has 1,000,000 little boxes inside! (Although, I did some multiplication and estimating, and have concluded that there’s really only a little more than 7,000 in there. Better get your lawsuit on.) Daffy proves what a good friend he is by opting to donate his prize to Bugs. That’s the sign of a real, honest and true buddy, seeing as each of the little boxes had a dollar inside. When asked to say more, Daffy can only bray. Looks like Bugs can upgrade his television again!

Favorite Part: Listen closely to the host when he explains what little rules this show has. I purposefully didn’t mention it earlier, but he really does say you stand to win “the million box.” It’s not his fault Daffy misheard.

Personal Rating: 3

China Jones

“Me, dragon lady.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Tom Ray, George Grandpre, Ted Bonnicksen, and Warren Batchelder; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by William Butler; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on February 14, 1959.

Daffy is Irish, but they call him China Jones. A nod to the series “China Smith” but not a very clever name. How about China Schmidt? Or China Smithers? Or… I don’t know, China Shmith? Actually, that one wouldn’t work as Daffy is actually lisp free in this cartoon. As he finishes the meal he was eating, he cracks into his Chinese fortune “cakes”. There’s no fortune in it, and that really is the worst feeling in the world. They’re not called advice cookies! I mean, “cakes”.

It actually isn’t advice either. It’s a plea! A plea for help! Someone is being held prisoner in a bakery with a reward of 150 pounds. (Do tell. They must have been in there decades to think that joke is still clever.) But as the parody suggests, Daffy is a detective and should probably solve this case. All he needs is a hot tip, and those tend to be supplied at Limey  Louie’s tavern. But as he prepares to depart, he is approached by another famous detective, Charlie Chan, er, Chung. (See? This one makes sense.) And no squinty eyes/Fu Manchu mustache can hide my beloved Porky from my fanboy/stalker eyes. Man, do I want to wallpaper my room in his autograph.

Chung is here on some matter of money. He’s not really elaborating for the sake of a punchline, but a good detective like Jones can figure it out. The most obvious reason is the most likely. Chung is just trying to get himself a piece of the pound pie. Jones brushes him off so he can get to Louie’s. Now, Louie and Jones have a bit of a history. Jones is kinda, sorta the person who sent Louie to prison. And unbeknownst to Jones, Louie is already released and has set this whole prisoner thing up to get some delicious cold revenge. Donning a disguise, he awaits the P.I.

Louie introduces his self to Jones as the Mrs. and gives a sob demonstration of how the cops treated her husband, on Jones. But once that thrashing is over, “she” is willing to give Jones the tip he needs. Pick a card, any card, specifically the card being subtly pushed onto you. These are bad leads that just lead Jones to a couple of painful mishaps, but it doesn’t seem like he’s catching on until after the second attempt. Fun’s gonna have to be cut short Louie, go on and reveal yourself.

Revealing his true identity, and revealing the hoax, Louie is ready for a Peking duck dinner. Jones bravely runs into the backroom. He trips a trapdoor that leaves him dangling over a pit of Chinese alligators. Louie does Tweety’s “piddy” shtick, to feed his pets. (It is a pretty funny change up with the thick cockney accent.) Jones barely manages to escape this familiar situation, when Chung reappears. Can he help out? Well, I wouldn’t doubt Porky is capable, but he never said he was a detective at all. He’s a laundry man. And that money matter he wanted to discuss? Jones’s bill.

In the end, Louie gets away with assault and Jones is forced to work off his tab. Shouting for help, in mock Chinese, about his ironic punishment of being trapped in a Chinese laundromat. (This ending was cut during the 90’s. Probably a good call for impressionable minds. I mean, I definitely used mock Chinese myself as a kid. I really didn’t need more encouragement.)

Favorite Part: Jones, trying to “duck” out on his bill, quotes Confucius. Chung quotes right back, calmly pulling out a club as he does so. Bass. There’s no other word for him.

Personal Rating: I’m giving it a 1. It’s loaded with stereotyping that can not; should not be considered funny in today’s day and today’s age. If it doesn’t bother you as much, I believe you can consider it a 2.

Moby Duck

“I wonder how prehisthtoric man usthed to open cansth.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Animation by Don Williams, Manny Perez, Warren Batchelder, Bob Matz, LaVerne Harding, and Norm McCabe; Layouts by Dick Ung; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editors: Lee Gunther and Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Looney Tune released on March 27, 1965.

No explanation needed! Daffy and Speedy are marooned on a deserted island, and Daffy ain’t pleased. He’s also being extremely racist, citing one of the reasons that Speedy isn’t a good shipwreck buddy is because he can’t speak proper English. As well as not being a decent food source. Daffy needs food and the good lord provides. A box of canned goods washes up nearby. (Wouldn’t that sink? In real life, I mean.)

Speedy is glad that the two of them won’t starve, but Daffy intends for him to. See, Daffy is a very greedy duck and he plans to hoard all the stuff for himself. Speedy trying to use the logic of “I’m a smaller creature and need less” doesn’t even sway the duck’s sympathies. He probably is very well aware of Speedy’s crazy metabolism, too. (Lightning fast AND a mouse? That box would be empty by Thursday.)

Of course, the biggest problem with canned food is that it is canned. Can openers are required to partake of the goodies within. As is wont to happen in  Looney Tunes, a mouse is the one holding the tool. But unlike the more sadistic mice of the past, Speedy is willing to negotiate. Daffy shares food, Speedy shares the tool. Daffy says nuts to that, and sets about trying to get the cans open via rocks, and axes. (This doesn’t work because cans are the strongest containers in the Tune-iverse.)

I really do have to give credit for Daffy’s next attempt: baiting a sailfish into stabbing the can open. (I never would’ve thought of that.) It’s creative, but also kind of foolhardy. Daffy thinks the best way to go about this is to tie the can to his rear. Dangerous enough, but things get worse when the can comes undone. The sailfish is an unstoppable force by this point, and chases Daffy across the island and up a tree. Daffy still gets the point by the end of it. (You like that one? I got it from “The Jungle Cruise.”)

Speedy decides he’s just going to give Daffy the tool. Probably because he knows what a fat load of good it will do for them now: Daffy left the box in the tidal zone, and it’s now surrounded by water and sharks. Daffy breaks down (his feet and bill even paling to show his anguish) while Speedy makes a new friend: Robinson Crusoe. He’s a great guy to have around, because he knows all the best eateries on the island. Thank goodness it’s “Fridays”, because Daffy won’t be following them in there once he gets a look at the menu. He instead takes like himself to water, and swims for the horizon. (Speedy might follow his lead once he sees what is served up when all the ducks leave the island.)

Favorite Part: Daffy gave me a new way to spell ‘nothing’. N-U-E-T-H-Y-O-N. (Usually that joke would just have the speller spell ‘nuthing’.)

Personal Rating: 2

His Bitter Half

“Cute like a sth-tomach pump!”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8mb3g4

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Ken Champin, Virgil Ross, Arthur Davis, and Gerry Chiniquy; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Paul Julian; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on May 20, 1950.

While reading the want ads, (and having an errant ripple overlay his body) Daffy spots the kind of notification wild dreams are mad of: a single woman who is financially stable wants a man to tie it all together. Daffy is single AND  a male! Time for a quick courtship we don’t get to see, a wedding and honeymoon that is suggested, and the brand new happy couple arrives to their humble home. Here, Daffy tries to live the good life. A life of racing forms, lounge chairs, pipes and fezzes. The Mrs. has other ideas.

See, she is much larger and imposing than Daffy, and all that muscle says that he is the one going to be in charge of the housework. (The reason she has money is because she never bothered to hire a maid.) She just has to prove to Daffy that her threats to “slap his mouth clean off his face” aren’t hyperbole. And Daffy scrubs, and sweeps, and launders his life away. (Who’s the one wearing all those socks?) But once he’s got all those tasks accomplished, he meets the the part of the household the ad failed to mention: the step-duckling.

Little Wentworth is one one of those obnoxious kids who thinks fun can’t be had without noise. You know, the kind that nature intended to be eaten. He wants to play “Indians” but Daffy refuses. It’s just not P.C. The wives feet convince him to give it a go, and he spends the next shot on the run from Wentworth’s cleaver. (And if you’re too busy laughing, you might miss Martha’s Jedi powers at work. Those bonbons just leap into her wings!) Daffy’s next assignment: well, there’s a carnival at the park, and Wentworth would really like to attend. Daffy says no, but money talks…

I don’t know what kind of games they were playing, but they kicked tailfeather! Balloons, canes, kewpie dolls and… boxes of popcorn I think. But he drops it all in fright at the sight of Wentworth holding a rifle. Sure, it’s a shooting gallery, but it’s a shooting gallery in the days of your grandparents. Those are probably real lead pellets they’re firing. Daffy aims (rifle pun!) to show the kid how it’s done. But Wentworth is either upset he’s not the one firing the weapon, or I dunno, maybe he just doesn’t like Daffy, so he slingshots the carny every time Daffy takes a shot. The carny threatens bodily harm should Daffy keep hitting him.

Daffy figures out the ruse, and only PRETENDS to shoot. Wentworth doesn’t though, and despite Daffy gleefully smiling at the carny, exactly what you think would happen, happens. Next time, fill the fair folk in on the details of your scheme. Beaten and dazed, Wentworth has to bring Daffy home, where Martha just assumes her new hubby has been hitting the sauce. Wentworth knows that good children don’t correct their parents, so he doesn’t.

The next day, Daffy is roped into helping Wenty light fireworks for the fourth. He gets caught in an explosion and knows who’s to blame: that stick of TNT that has webbed feet! He grabs one that is the same size, and gives it a good spanking before seeing the one he wanted run past. After another explosion, he finds a new task at hand: take Wentworth to the zoo. Daffy’s had it, and refuses, even though his soon to be ex-wife is threatening to yank every feather off his body. Daffy still take his leave, and I’d say he won in the end. He clearly got away with some feathers still intact.

Favorite Part: The little smiling glance Wentworth shoots at us while Daffy is refusing to play *throat clear* “Indians”. He’s known his mother longer than Daffy has, and he knows what she’s capable of.

Personal Rating: 3. Ordinarily, I’d give it a four, but Freleng must’ve really loved this plot line, as he’d use it again in the future. And it was a marked improvement. See you then!

Suppresed Duck

“Pardon, please.”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8ltcih

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by DaveDetiege; Animation by Bob Matz, Manny Perez, and Warren Batchelder; Layouts by Dick Ung; Backgrounds by Ron Dias; Film Editor: Lee Gunther; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Merrie Melody released on June 26, 1965.

It’s Daffy’s final solo film and he’s going to spend it hunting. He’s excited about it; being on the other side and all. He wants himself a bear. But this forest is a lot more strict than the one’s Elmer used to hunt in. The forest rangers take their job seriously and mark designated boundaries for where you can and can not shoot. The bears rate an 8 on the anthropomorphic scale; being smart enough to talk, but still legally huntable. With Daffy bearing down on their backsides, they quickly take cover on the safe side of the line.

Daffy is more than willing to break the rules to get at those smug bear boars, but the ranger isn’t having it. Strangely enough, Daffy is drawn to scale with the human! So where did he get the adorably sized gun and hat? And more importantly, is Daffy fair game for the bears to shoot during his season? You know, this whole idea has the promisings to make a fascinating R-rated animated movie about “Zootopia” styled animals being allowed to kill each other only at specific times of the year, and having no choice but to starve if they fail. Somebody get on that and put me down as ‘creative consultant’.

Back to our featured attraction. Daffy tries to lure a bear over the line with a bacon lure. No bear can resist frying bacon! But I love how cautious he still is. Creeping up to the line, looking for hunters, barely sticking a foot in, finally crossing and doubling back almost instantly. But that bacon is a cruel temptress and he’s only ursine, so he eventually gives in to his urges and commandos his way over to the meaty treasure.

Just what Daffy wanted! He fires at the bear who is foolishly running deeper into the danger zone. (A hysterically dark joke would be some other hunter getting him. Bonus points if it was Elmer, of all hunters.) Daffy shoots some fur off before the bear remem-bears that, oh yeah, he’s a bear! And he force feeds Daffy his bullets. (Watch for the stray dot of brown that makes it onto the screen.)  Makes it kind of hard to believe this guy would care anymore about what side of the line he’s safe on. Daffy swears that he’ll be eating the bear tonight. Do… do hunters normally eat bear meat? Huh. Guess they can. I kinda want to try it now. (Of course, it’s completely feasible that a duck would also want to partake of such a meal.)

Daffy sneaks over the line in stump get-up, but the bear has been trained for this and sounds the alarm. The rangers aren’t ducking around! They open fire on Daffy with a tank and bomber! (And if Daffy makes it out of there alive, a hefty fine.) I love how calm the ranger is about reminding Daffy which side he’s supposed to stay on. Sounding less like he just tried to end the duck’s life, and more like Daffy took one too many cookies out of the jar. Guess it’s digging time! It’s legal to dig in the forest, right? (I’m not looking that one up too.)

Mr. Bear can hear Daffy digging, and uses his the smarts he earned in college to determine exactly where Daffy will emerge. (It’s really quite simple to surmise, really.) He sticks a shed full of dynamite on the emergence site, and stands back to watch the fireworks. Daffy loses all feathers below his bill and now has to reattach them, but finds he only had 512 of them. The rest of which got made into a necklace and head piece by that pesky bear. Resorted to barrel wearing, Daffy is all set to break the law and cross that line, but he’s too late. The hunting season is over, and the penalty for shooting a bear out of season just isn’t worth the hassle. Here’s hoping for Daffy’s sake that the bear won’t die before the next one starts.

Favorite Part: Daffy’s bullets are even willing to follow the rules as one stops short at the border and falls to the ground. A nice cartoony way of explaining why Daffy can’t just shoot the bear, and stay on his side.

Personal Rating: 3

Boston Quackie

“Come on out before I let daylight through ya!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story Tedd Pierce; Animation by George Grandpre, Ted Bonnickson, Keith Darling, and Russ Dyson; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Bob Majors; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on June 22, 1957.

The titular “Boston Quackie” is one of those detective types who is a “friend to those who need no friends” and an “enemy to those who have no enemies.” It’s the second time of three that McKimson would have Daffy play detective, but while the first short was pretty timeless by not parodying anything specifically, this one’s title alone will probably send a few later generations to the Google search bar. (Assuming the younger generations are willing to give these old films a chance and realize that they hold up beyond remarkably well. I’m doing what I can.)

At the moment, Quackie is having a Parisian vacation with his girlfriend, Mary, and a dog that can’t keep his mouth from disappearing. (He’s just the chaperone.) But work will have to come before pleasure as Quackie’s boss, Inspector Faraway, shows up. Don’t know why Mary isn’t pleased to see him show up. He’s the kind of boss I’d invite to go on trips with me. (Of course I still need a girlfriend. Why do you ask?) Quackie’s got a job to do: deliver a package to the consulate in West Slobovia. (And do say “Hi” to Judd Fudd if you see him. Heard he was looking for lepus in those parts.)

Sounds so simple that even a duckling could do it. But spies will be hunting that parcel and- actually, one’s got it already. Time to give chase! Target: male with green hat. I’ve already got a police sketch drawn up.

Careful! I hear he’s a merry man!

Quackie follows the thief to the train station, and onto the most threatening locomotive this side of “Cuphead”. If the shrieking whistle doesn’t make your pants wet themselves, the endless eyes watching from the compartments will make it so. But that’s why Quackie is a detective, and I’m an amateur animation historian. He gets on board. (Watch out for that blue guy! I bet he’s a ghoul.)

There’s the thief! He’s just ducked into one of the cabins. Quackie drills a hole and points his gun. Give up the case or make out with the bullets! Your choice! And yet, despite those very reasonable choices, he chooses to pun the gun inside and shoot Quackie! Cheater! Oh wait. We got the wrong guy. This one is clearly wearing a top hat. And it’s not green.  A customary tip of the hat and this guy is one his w-GREEN!  I saw green on that head! Get him, Quackie! Be a hero!

Well, we can’t be quite sure who this mysterious man is, but he is willing to have Quackie join him for a drink. Rookie error! Reveal that hat, Quackie! And… he’s got a number of any hat BUT green under that top one. Well played, Barty Clubbin. Drink time! And I wanna break character to say how on top of things Daffy is during this scene. Shoots the guy poisoning his tea without looking and dumping the deadly drink into the nearest spittoon. (Even makes Barty flinch.) Still, he manages to subdue the detective with the ‘how many lumps do you want’ gag.

Now we’re sure this is our man! Chase time! It’s brief, but Quackie is outfoxed, stuffed in a mail sack, and left hanging on the nearest mail hook. Barty could get away right here, but he didn’t see the railway crossing, and is knocked off himself. Just in time for Farway and Mary to arrive, the latter knocking the thief out for good with her anvil-laden purse. Time to get that package where it belongs. Upon delivery, Quackie is aghast to find that he has just participated in an instant coffee run. But the consulate reveals it’s better than that: it’s a jar of instant woman! (Err… was that water he added?) He needed an escort, and Quackie delivered. The duck figures their could be a market for this stuff, but I’m not sure humanity is ready for it. I still remember the instant hole fiasco.

Favorite Part: When Quackie is checking the compartments, he finds a man about to be stabbed. It’s also said victim who pulls the privacy shade down.

Personal Rating: 3. I’ve never really heard of “Boston Blackie” before today, but I managed to make it through without scratching my head.