Bosko’s Mechanical Man

“Oh, suh-wish.”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Thomas McKimson. A Looney Tune released on September 27, 1933.

It’s the final Harmon/Ising film with this studio, which means it’s also the last Bosko short with them. Coming out just a few months after a certain mouse’s “…Mechanical Man”, it feels original enough due to robots not being exclusive to Disney. (Just Blue Sky, who wasn’t around yet.)

Honey does some window washing, giving Bosko an opportunity to trace “I love you” in the water. (From the wrong side mind you. Oops.) He even picks the flowers in front of her house as a gift. Usually in cartoons, that’s what the villain trying to marry for money does. (I was hoping Honey would thank him and plant them right back.) Honey is very happy to see the kid, as he can help her wash some dishes. Bosko laughs at the very idea. I mean him? Doing a woman’s work? Let’s all laugh as the scene fades.

Fade in to see Bosko helping out like a good boy. (Love his sour face.) Of course, being a man means he’s going to eventually do something dumb to catch his crush’s attention. In this case, carrying too many plates at once and heading outside. Honey angrily stomps outside once she hears the crash and glares at him. Just glares. But she’s disappointed and that’s really the worst punishment. She’s not going to forgive this one easily.

Bosko catches sight of the daily paper which is kinda light on the “news”. The top story is just the technocrats of the world proclaiming that robots will one day be doing most of our work. (It’s like that time I made the front page predicting that everyone older than me was likely to die before I did.) It doesn’t matter if I think it’s a waste of ink and trees, Bosko’s got an idea. And he doesn’t even need any sort of engineering degree to put it together. Just a some irons here, a stove there…

Honey demands he get back inside which is confusing. Wouldn’t she want him as far away from her china as possible? Like in China? But Bosko is sure about about this. His positivity is instantly challenged when Bosko Jr. is brought to life. It’s got no reason to be, but angry and murderous it is. It runs amok and you’d be smart to lock your doors, but only if you lived in Fort Knox. It can break down doors. Piano music can calm it, but only if you keep playing. And why would Bosko do that if his life depended on it? He’s got no future at Warners.

Honey to the rescue! She realizes that what this robot needed all along was a phonograph in its butt. Why are you making that face? Do you need to read the sentence again? She realizes that what this robot needed all along was a phonograph in its butt. Happy? He sings along to the record, but it has a crack and he skips a lot. He’s not placated and chases the two out of the house. They pass the sleeping Bruno (Who’s just been outside the whole time. Guess they just wanted to show him one last time, too.) but the robot stops to shock the dog awake letting the doorbell wiring go through his body. And he has pupils now. (And your eyes would dilate too if you had what he had crammed up there.)

The three are chased, but Bosko is able to keep his loved ones safe by hurling some dynamite down his creation’s throat. The robot is dead which is a shame since he wasn’t really alive at any point. And I’m still wondering why he was motivated to act like he did. Did Bosko program him to feel pain? I figure having a stove potbelly does give you eternal heartburn.

Favorite Part: A small thing, (as most of my favorite parts are) but I love the robot’s grinding teeth being the teeth of gears that are grinding. Clever.

Personal Rating: 2. Not a horrible film to end on. (Hint. Develop some new characters at MGM, guys. I’m begging ya 91 years late!)

Bosko the Musketeer

“Hi-dee hi! Ho-dee ho! Ho-dee hey!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Robert Stokes. A Looney Tune released on September 16, 1933.

Bosko gallivants along to visit Honey. (Bruno briefly appears, but won’t be featuring.) This surely ain’t no surprise visit, as Honey is dusting all things that might be any and every. (Poor fish looks uncomfortable.) Bosko arrives just as she finishes dusting a painting of the three musketeers. Truly awesome folks, eh Bosko? He’s not too impressed and starts fencing with an umbrella while his honey, Honey, sings.

And suddenly the screen dissolves to Bosko actually BEING a musketeer and fencing with a SWORD against four adversaries. Sounds like a daunting task, but Bosko’s got a an arm up his sleeve that can do a trick. Namely, letting the gauntlet do all the work while it nips out to unleash keg contents on the four anti-musketeers. Speaking of, counting Bosko we’ve got one short musketeer and two short. And a name like that will never sell. Where’s the rest of them?

In the tavern of course. Since their is three of them, I guess Bosko is our D’Artagnan. Can you name the others? I’ve never read the book or seen any film adaptations, so I’m useless. (But I’ve eaten the candy bar several times!) What a pal, Bosko is. Always looking out for those of us who spent our high school years reading “Asterix” comics for our french fix. I now know that they go by Athos, Amos and Andy. (Truly the “Star Wars” of their day if the amount of references is any indication.)

Lets sing! Dance! Have a good time! Drink and be merry! Look! They’re even inspiring Mickey clones 205, 634 and 431. Swell guys, these musketeers. Even if they do have a habit of using oddly quick cuts to down their drinks. The whole place loves these guys! And yes, that includes clone 511. But it doesn’t include the obvious villain; a man with really hairy hands, or prickly pears attached at his wrists. And now Honey arrives. Is she part of Bosko’s imagination? Or did she take over telling the tale so she could self-insert herself into it? Who imagines the imaginer?

Well, she’s not in period appropriate clothing, so I guess Bosko is the creator of all we’re seeing. (That’s why she can be as topless as she always is.) Obvious villain grabs her, which can’t be at all pleasant with whatever extremities he has coming out of his arms. Bosko to the rescue as the other three have suddenly ceased to exist. Or maybe they’re just giving him a chance to prove himself? Sword dueling commence! Both are evenly matched and damage to their weapons doesn’t automatically mean they’re out. O.V. has a caddy, and Bosko’s sword fits in the pencil sharpener.

Bosko is ultimately the victor because he places a shovelful of hot coals into his adversaries pants. Thus bringing Bosko’s little power trip to a close. But Honey doesn’t believe any of it. (Was Bosko claiming it really happened?) So Bosko busts out the big question: “Was you there, Charlie?” (But… you had her there. So were you really rescuing some homely lady the whole time and you just inserted your girlfriend to get brownie points?)

Favorite Part: While Honey entertains the tavern with a dance, Bosko can’t help but gush about her to the nearest patron. It’s sweet.

Personal Rating: 2. Pretty standard Bosko saves Honey plot. If you’re thinking the two should retire by this point, don’t worry. They only had two more shorts with the W.B. after this.

The Queen was in the Parlor

“I’d rather listen to ‘Amos ‘n Andy’.”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Paul Smith. A Merrie Melody released on July 9, 1932.

Today is a day when many a people celebrate a man who is said to have died and come back to life. I’m not one to talk about religion, but I will tie that into today’s featured short, as Goopy Geer did the same thing, just taking roughly sixty years as opposed to three days. This was the last time people would see the guy alive for quite some time yet.

At the only castle in the shot, we decide to see what’s going on. Our king has returned. I call him Sir Pigguy, and so should you. He must be rather beloved as far as kings go, as he gets quite the turnout for his return and they are all singing his praises, and giving adulation. But our king has no time for such meaningless words, as he just wants to know where his wife is. The title is sung to him, and he learns that she doesn’t want to/can’t be seen. Rules don’t apply to kings, so he dismisses the singers and heads to her location.

The parlor is where the clothes mending takes place, as Queen Hippo knits a sock, and Princess Gigi patches up her father’s armor. (Methinks there’s something dishonest with the royal bloodline.) Since our king’s mood has been soured, he demands his jester entertain him. Goopy plays that part and offers to get the royal crooners, “Crosby, Columbo and Vallee”. (A cartoon I’d insert a link to if I’d blogged about it already. Chalk this up to another instance of me whining about how I don’t blog in chronological order.)

The king isn’t amused. Goopy dances for him instead. His little talking stick and hat change color. His left ear vanishes a few times. But darn it, he IS putting his all into things! And a cat fails at catching a mouse. (Something I only bring up to catalog Mickey Clone #248.) While the festivities continue, an ugly knight enters the picture and takes off with the princess. Goopy fights for her, as it’s just jester code. And he manages to hold his own fairly well, even without any proper training.

Still, as an amateur he finds himself flung into an assortment of kitchen wares. The pans, kettles, and graters make decent armor, but not great and he is punched against a pillar, knocking a stuffed ram’s head onto his own. With this new advantage, he is able to knock the opposition right out of his armor. Once the guy gets it back together, he flees. He’ll never recover from such an embarrassing attack.

Favorite Part: Goopy listening in at a keyhole and getting caught. “Are ya listening, HUH?” But I don’t get Goopy’s reply: “Yeah. I bought a windshield.” Maybe it makes sense to those who listen to “Amos ‘n Andy”?

Personal Rating: 2. It’s not such a shame that Goopy disappeared from theaters after this.

Bosko’s Woodland Daze

“Are ya listenin’ to me?”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Paul Smith. A Looney Tune released on March 22, 1933.

When a summer is nearing its end, the smart people sob, and bemoan the fact that the evil of winter will be upon the land once more, and then will migrate to follow the sun’s sweet, sweet kiss. I always figured Bosko was smart, so I have no idea why he’s frolicking and harmonica-ing during what is clearly autumn. Maybe that’s why Bruno is here as well? Make sure the kid’s all right in the head, and take him to the nearest psych ward if need be.

My theory seems to be correct, as Bosko actually tries to hide from the dog. (Lock him up now. I don’t want to see coldlikers on the streets!) The wind blows Bosko’s leaf camouflage away, and Bruno lets him know by pulling a vine in between his legs. Bosko seems to be enjoying it a bit TOO much. (If you’re going to jig after such an activity, can you do it indoors?) Time for a game of hide and seek! Bruno hides first!

He’s easily found, thanks to the woodpecker that rat(a-tat-tat)s him out. So now Bosko will hide while the hound will seek him. (Quit turning your back on the guy! He needs indoctrination!) Bruno is easily distracted by a turtle, so Bosko is free to spread his unhealthy opinions around the globe! But as anyone who has played hide and seek knows, you get exhausted by the second round. Bosko decides to sleep.

Yeah, um, what kind of tree is he under? I don’t think you should be seeing images of ghost gnomes whilst slumbering! This tree makes LSD look an LDS church! The little terrors trap Bosko in a large bubble in order to give him an overeating nightmare! No, that was another guy. They’ll scare him away from smoking! No, no, not that either! Well then, what will they subject him to? Attractive flower sprites? Maybe there is something to this trippy tree after all!

But before Bosko can enjoy the nectar-drenched honeys, he sneezes and pops the bubble. And since spiderweb was never meant to be a safety net, he falls and falls and lands on a piano that is way too large for him to play, never mind the gnomes. But Bosko is a musician who can play just about anything, and puts on a better show than any of you pianists could. Is this why the gnomes captured him? I mean who else could own…

Oh. There’s a giant with a dopey laugh. That explains the grand grand. Bosko tries to make a run for it, but ends up on the table. Now the giant has everything he needs to make a Bosko sandwich. (You’d never have ended up here if you just detested the cold like a decent person. Just saying.) As the giant slathers on the mustard, we fade back to reality. The slathering was just Bruno’s tongue. He found Bosko in the end. Things will be just fine.

Favorite Part: Just how broken and sad Bruno looks when Bosko first hides from him. His face just screams “What did I do wrong? Why would Bosko abandon me? I can change!”

Personal Rating: 3. Entertaining second half, but pretty slow build up.

Bosko the Sheep Herder

“Baaaa!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Max Maxwell. A Looney Tune released on June 14, 1933.

Sheep herding is a very noble profession. Watching happy little lambs, grow and mature. Shearing them bald regularly, and eventually turning them into mutton chops. (Or lamb if you’re that impatient.) Bosko enjoys what he does. He gets to lean back against a tree on a beautiful, peaceful day, and blow his pipe music for the enjoyment of his flock. But if there’s anything better than being the herder, it’s being a lamb.

Lambs are happy creatures. The world is their playground, lunch table, and toilet all rolled up in one. And they’ve got strong, lively legs that allow them to enjoy it to the fullest. Plus, they’re young enough to not have to worry about taxes, the destruction of wetlands, and the inevitable wars that will occur in the future. If they’re really lucky, they’ll end up on a plate by their third month of life. But I digress.

Bosko’s lambs enjoy eating and frolicking. (And proving you can’t spell ‘disappear’ without ‘ear’.) But as much as they like to eat and frolic, they don’t enjoy being forced to frolic because they ate a grasshopper. Don’t worry though. Both of them survive. Bosko may love his sheep, but he is happy to screw over bees, considering they have a history. He takes their hive, evicts them, and as the ultimate humiliation: converts their house into bagpipes. That’s just cold.

Bruno is here too, but if he’s supposed to be a sheepdog, he’s a lousy one. He’s sleeping! Real sheepdogs can tally the sleep and stay awake at the same time. (Poser.) His snoring can make tiny… raccoons I think, pop out of the log he’s in front of. If he was on his A-game, then he could stop the lambs from escaping through the broken fence whose repairs Bosko keeps putting off. They do a good job of demolishing the grass on the other side.

Grazing always makes me hungry, and so it is with Bosko. Time for a sandwich break. Chewing in traditional Bosko style: mouth-open. (Blech.) All this eating attracts more attention: that of a wolf. Wolves love sheep, because stories with a wolf and a sheep, usually end in favor of the lupine. And do note that they didn’t choose the best background for him to leap on to. Looks like he landed on the empty space in front of a bush.

He decides to use the ‘ole “sheep’s clothing disguise.” Even bleating to be all the more convincing. It works, and he walks off with a lamb in his paws. Bosko whistles for Bruno and the two give chase to the cave that the wolf is hiding out in. Bosko gets the lamb out safely, but seeing the wolf exit makes him assume the worst for his canine buddy. Except he needn’t weep, because Bruno killed the wolf and is just wearing his carcass. HOLY- (And somewhere, there is a female wolf and pups who are never going to the last member of their family again.)

Favorite Part: The face the lamb makes when the wolf reveals himself. It’s over the top, and comedic. Just what I expect from a cartoon.

Personal Rating: 2. There’s a lot of fluff.

Ain’t Nature Grand?

“Go home.”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Norm Blackburn. A Looney Tune released in March, 1931.

Yes, I definitely think so. That’s why I prefer to stay inside and not bother it. Okay, fine. I admit that a little hike every once in a while isn’t so bad, but camping is to me what salt is to a snail. Bosko is not me, so he’s going to go the outdoors in my place. Followed by that little dog who barks after he say’s “That’s all folks!” instead of Bruno, because he had yet to exist. (The little dog doesn’t feature into this picture, but I thought I’d mention it all the same. Everyone deserves to be mentioned.)

Bosko has ventured out today to partake in the sport of kingfishers: fishing. Of course, fishing is illegal at this stretch of water, so Bosko sets up right next to the prohibiting sign. They’ll never think to look for him there! (Besides, Mickey partook in illegal fishing once, and look how many theme parks that mouse owns now!) But, darn it! That Bosko is such a big-hearted fellow; he just can’t bring himself to impale a worm on a fish hook. He grants the annelid its freedom and decides to use the “N” and “O” but the sign instead. (Hey, that fixes the “illegal” problem!) Now guaranteed safety from death by fish, the little fella runs from a bird.

Bosko’s makeshift bait works like a charm! You can’t spell “Fine Food” without letters 14 and 15. And if you think Bosko taking pity on a lower life-form makes him a hypocrite, he only intended to catch the fish to pet it. (It really is cute.) But I’ve seen what happens when Bosko pets animals. At least fish spit is a new type of saliva for his ocular organs to try. It gets away. Bosko instead takes to following a butterfly instead. He’s having a much harder time catching it, which gives it plenty of time to lead him to a secret place. One never seen by talk-ink kid eyes.

This is the waterfall of harmony. The water’s here are so good and pure, that any animal that feels the presence of the spray instantly gets along with what it would normally consider its prey/predator. As evidenced by the bee’s that dance to spider music. (If you were here last week, then you know how they normally act around each other.) Bosko likes music, Bosko likes dancing, and he thinks he’s as grand as nature, so he joins in. The bees are as unfriendly as that fish, and refuse to dance with Bosko, on account of him not being striped. The spider is more forward thinking, and still plays for the dancing kid. But what are those bees planning?

Well, they’ve roped a… dragonfly I think, into their scheme. They’ll use it like a plane, with a flower propeller, (all three of them just forgetting they have functional wings) and grab a rock to drop on Bosko. A rock that grew exponentially from up there to down here! I’m surprised Bosko’s spine didn’t snap like a stale saltine! But the bees aren’t finished. Grabbing a nest of either smaller bees or wasps, and a hollow twig, (Weird.) they craft themselves a handy little gun that can fire winged venom pouches at non-striped folks. (Bees are little sh*ts! Why are we bothering to keep them alive again?)

Bosko runs (Wait, the gun disappears for one shot! It’s not hard to miss!) but the bees aren’t content with just getting him off their land. They fire, and Bosko’s screams of pain sound quite genuine. Makes me want to give the guy a care package. He manages to take refuge in one of nature’s most beautiful and safe sanctuaries: a man-made fountain. (Well, parks count as nature, don’t they?)

Favorite Part: Bosko dancing in a chorus line with four frogs. It’s adorable, and they look like they’re really having a good time together. Oh, that wonderful waterfall!

Personal Rating:2

You’re too Careless with your Kisses

“Ain’t that just like a woman?”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Larry Martin. A Merrie Melody released on September 10, 1932.

Late at night, a tipsy bee heads back home. Since he’s been drinking, he can’t let the wife know that he’s there, and tiptoes into their room. They cut the sneaking crap fast, and his clumsy klutziness wakes the girl up. She is none to pleased to find Rupert (her husband) has been at the spiked honey again. (I’m a calling her Hunny. Objections? I’ve got none.) There’s no time for reprimanding him though. (Her antennae turn black.) As the female, it’s her responsibility to go out and make honey to make dough.

Outside (where her antennae have decided to stay black) she sets to work. She’s definitely got an interesting method of gathering nectar. She separates the lower half of her abdomen, and uses it like a bucket to scoop out the sugary sweetness. Kind of like an enema as thought up by David Lynch. I’m torn (get it?) between laughing my butt off and puking my guts out. And then comes the rain…

Bee’s can’t fly in this kind of weather. In fact, if Mario has taught me anything, the water there should turn her into a human, and those make milk, not honey! (Kind of hard to when you’re limited to one stomach.) So after robbing a store for a skirt and top, (Okay then. Perhaps you’d like to explain her change of wardrobe?) She comes to the first place one could conceivably call shelter. If I knew anything about predators, then I’d wager a spider lives here. A spider lives here and…Hey! I know this guy!

Score that later short another point! (You know, now I’m starting to think that that Terrible Tom character was the cat from “It’s got me again!“)

Spike (who still looks nothing like any spider I’ve ever seen) brings her in. She immediately recognizes the danger she’s in, but tries to escape up his winding stair! You fool! (Oh, and her stripes are back. K.) Her cries and screams reach her husband who seems to be snapping out of his stupor. He’s got no stinger, but he can blow a mean horn to alert the proper authorities. (I like how the cartoon trusts our intelligence enough to not spell out that the bees are riding horseflies.)

Rupert gets there first, and Spike plans to eat him as well. So Rupert just drags a thorny vine through the guy’s crotch! That looks to completely redefine ‘painful’. Imagine how much worse it would be without an exoskeleton. This isn’t going to be a winning fight, so Spike heads for his washtub boat. (Wait, if that’s human sized… I knew it! He’s not a spider! He probably just got spit on by Peter Parker!) The bee’s fight back like planes on a airliner, (One of whom teleports back to her original spot. Coward) but Spike knows how to defend himself, and puts up a good fight.

Time for the best weapon they have! What I presume to be a wasp (and the only insect in this short that has the correct number of limbs) drops a firecracker on the “arachnid”. The explosion not only destroys his tub, but it makes it look a lot like some stocks, and Spike is trapped in them as well. A happy ending for the pollinators. I guess willing to stand up to a predator is enough of a reason for Hunny to forgive her honey. (Come on. You knew I was going to say that.)

Favorite Part: Okay, that way of getting honey was pretty cool and unbelievably creative. I wish I had thought that up.

Personal Rating:2. Doesn’t do anything too creative that you haven’t seen in any other rescue picture. And the soundtrack is rather depressing.

Bosko the Drawback

“Are you listening?”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Bob McKimson. A Looney Tune released in 1933.

Tomorrow is July 4th. That day is pretty important to my country. And to celebrate that, what could be more patriotic than football? American football. The one where hands are involved. (Everyone knows we are a dumb country. It’s okay to say it.)

Game day! The crowds are eager to get inside and see some action! That includes Mickey clones 213, 514, 726, 556, and 715. (Only 751 before I’ve named them all!) As the title suggests, our hero that we should be rooting for is Bosko himself. Never again will you see the very epitome of athletic superstardom. And he’s getting one heck of rubdown. Kinda makes me uncomfortable. Actually, him too. He starts out enjoying it, but his handler really goes all in with his work.

Time for the kickoff! (I think that’s what the beginning of the game is called. Why would you think I’d know anything about any sport?) Bosko gets the ball and makes some good distance. All thanks to their dachshund play. You know the one. That play where you have a German wiener dog running in front of you in a pointed shape, thus knocking your opponents away. (Well, as long as there isn’t a pile-up of them.) Such an exciting game, that even Mortimer Mouse clone number one can’t help but cheer. (Which is hard to do with a broken foot.)

Just to remind you this is American, (I guess) we get an eagle perched atop ole stars ‘n stripes. (These were the good days, when there was only sixteen states. Let’s be real, the rest are just filler.) On the field, a caterpillar who I thought was just a member of the band, runs, despite getting tackled apart, slowly, segment by segment. And what about that crowd? Making an image of a talking head? Complete with raspberry action? Why are we paying the athletes millions of dollars?

Bosko’s got some real competition now. The hunchback of Notre Dame! (He’s may be an ape, but he earned that title.) And a random title card introduces us to the four horsemen, Boris, Morris, Loris and Porous. (Why couldn’t you announce them, Bosko? Your millions not paying enough? Entitled little…!) Bosko runs away, then in the next shot he’s running in the opposite direction. Because he’s about to pull the other classic dachshund maneuver! Using the dog to launch yourself over the goal! I think that means the game is over and Bosko’s team won. If only all sports games could finish in under seven minutes.

Favorite Part: I like the look on Bosko’s face when his masseuse (for lack of whatever the real term would be) snaps his neck. (He’s a toon! He’s fine!)

Personal Rating: 2

Bosko at the Zoo

“GET IN THERE!”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Larry Martin. A Looney Tune released on January 9, 1932.

As someone who has loved animals from the moment he exited the womb, I’ve also always been a fan of zoos. Granted, as an adult I now know that not every one of them is on the up and up, but I still think they get a bad rap. Many of them are really trying these days, people! What I’m trying to say is, I’m envious that Bosko would rather take his girlfriend on a zoological outing rather than me. (Even if that does mean I’d have to ride on his handlebars.)

For the time being, it looks rather nice. The habitats are spacious enough, and it looks sanitary. Bosko’s nose even turns white. (That means it’s a good’un.) Honey’s a wee bit scared of the lion, (Wimp.) but she is fairly interested in the aquarium section. (Oh!… um… I… I’ll just wait for you over by the exit. I’m sorry I intruded on your alone time!) The fish inside the tank have lots of fun, playing leap-frogfish, and using an octopus as a maypole, but the sad reality is that they are just the fodder for the larger fish in the tank. (Nice touch making Bosko and Honey all wiggly. Really adds to the illusion of bent light.)

By this point, an ostrich gets a hold of Bosko’s hat. Since there isn’t any employees around, Bosko is free to chase the bird into the enclosure. He actually manages to keep pace with the bird, and grabs it. In turn, his hat is swallowed. Bosko ain’t having none of that, and forces the bird to lay an egg. Even though the black coloring suggests this ostrich is male, it manages to get an egg out, and Bosko’s hat is within.

The ostrich is upset, and probably humiliated by this, so Bosko plays a pipe to cheer it up. (Honey is just gone by this point. Either walked home, or was thrown to the bears.) This really gets the place jumping. The beavers beat their tails and the kangaroos in the same habitat, dance. (Is Bosko just in a zoo? Oh, yeah. He really is this time.) Some monkey’s scratch themselves to the beat, but they get serious when one of them really needs his friends help to remove his itch.

The friend pulls out whatever it was, and puts it on a plate. But he only pretends to eat it. So when the other monkey tries to help himself, he gets a fork in his hand. This really pisses Bosko off for some reason, and he marches into their enclosure to spank the monkey. (I still mean that literally after four years! Sheesh.) Just like the last time he did that, he angers a gorilla who shares the space. He ain’t happy and chases Bosko through the suddenly much larger area. (Watch the teleporting monkey!)

Even though I could have sworn this was on level ground, Bosko has to jump out of the enclosure, (Which just has an exit. That’s dangerous on so many levels, including ground and where we are now.) and he lands on a lion. No clue if this is the one from earlier, but it gives chase. Bosko runs along with the ostrich and walrus also in the habitat. (More fodder. On another note, that pinniped is keeping remarkable pace with the bird.) They have no choice but to stop at a wall. As zoo animals, they have no proof that anything even exists beyond it!

Bosko leaps atop the wall, and the lion crashes into the other two. In turn, the three animals are combined into some kind of horrifying chimaera that must live whatever short life it has left in bitter agony. And Bosko is quite cheery if his smile is any indication.

Favorite Part: The whole cartoon went by, and not once did they make the stupid joke about ostriches burying their heads in fright! It’s an animated miracle!

Personal Rating: 2

Goopy Geer

“Oh, goofy, goofy, Goopy!”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Rollin Hamilton; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on April 16, 1932.

You enjoyed “Lady Play Your Mandolin,” didn’t you?

What do you mean ‘it was light on story’? What more were you expecting? Leave this classroom. Everyone else is allowed to mock you on your way out.

For those of us who don’t mistake short films for novels, I’m happy to say that there is a lot of reused animation for this picture. (I’m happy to say that because I took my Zoloft.) It leads me to believe that this short is taking place in the same cantina as L.P.Y.M. was. And if you are listening to the crowd correctly, you’ll find that they are demanding Goopy Geer. He’s been the entertainment ever since Foxy got called out for ripping off a rodents style and took his girlfriend with him. Don’t worry. The three are friends.

Only close friends skip

Goopy must be a pretty talented pianuh player. Even Mickey Clone 277 wants to see him perform. You know, Goopy doesn’t do any sort of practicing. That’s how you know he’s talented. You could say he plays by ear. (They make that joke, and when the G-dog appeared on Tiny Toons, he’d make it again. It’s his favorite.) He’s also quite friendly with the clientele. He’s more than happy to accompany a trio of kittens as they sup on soup.

Never mind. Those are not any felines I’m aware of. They share a digestive tract! The first places a cracker in his mouth, the second chews, and the third swallows. It defies nature! Oh wait. I forgot that cartoons do that on a minute-ly basis, as opposed to a daily one. Another diner is a bull who is eating the world’s toughest pasta. I’ve never seen anyone need to chew spaghetti so much. (Unless it’s just a reference to how bulls normally eat?)

No meal for me, thanks. I’ve seen what goes on in that kitchen. They’ve got a naked chicken swimming in broth to make soup. I can’t believe its got its cloaca clenched tight all the time! And now that I’ve more than likely ruined the rest of your week with that image, let’s get our singer on stage! I’m guessing that it’s the character that I once named “Gigi,” so there’s no need for another one of my awesomely picked names this week. Shame, as Warner Bros. pays me a nickel for every unnamed character of theirs I christen.*

Her signing is also enjoyed by the crowd. Just look at Clone  441 applaud! (He never misses a show you know.) With singing and piano-ing combined, everyone (and a couple coat racks as well) get their groove on. Even Foxy’s horse stops by to get tanked once again. He nearly has the exact same hallucination as last time, but now he sees himself as Gandhi at the end. (Wouldn’t that be reason to cheer? If what Charlie Brown’s been telling me is true, girls are naturally attracted to zero hair. Explains my lack of love life.)

Well, as the saying goes, alcoholic horses and pianos don’t mix, and the equines explosive expectorations soon reduce Goopy’s piano to shambles. A crime punishable by limit to three cartoons max. Nice knowing you, Goop.

Favorite Part: Gigi arriving on stage with a bad pun for Mr. Geer. His reaction is quite humorous. Quite indeed.

Personal Rating: 2. It could’ve done better if a good chunk of it hadn’t been seen already.

*This is a lie. I have never even been approached. I didn’t think I needed to tell you this, but I’ve been surprised at how seriously people take me before.