Category: Robert McKimson

Anything created by the man responsible for a loud-mouthed rooster, designing the ideal Bugs Bunny and teaching Americans about marsupials.

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Suppresed Duck

“Pardon, please.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by DaveDetiege; Animation by Bob Matz, Manny Perez, and Warren Batchelder; Layouts by Dick Ung; Backgrounds by Ron Dias; Film Editor: Lee Gunther; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Merrie Melody released on June 26, 1965.

It’s Daffy’s final solo film and he’s going to spend it hunting. He’s excited about it; being on the other side and all. He wants himself a bear. But this forest is a lot more strict than the one’s Elmer used to hunt in. The forest rangers take their job seriously and mark designated boundaries for where you can and can not shoot. The bears rate an 8 on the anthropomorphic scale; being smart enough to talk, but still legally huntable. With Daffy bearing down on their backsides, they quickly take cover on the safe side of the line.

Daffy is more than willing to break the rules to get at those smug bear boars, but the ranger isn’t having it. Strangely enough, Daffy is drawn to scale with the human! So where did he get the adorably sized gun and hat? And more importantly, is Daffy fair game for the bears to shoot during his season? You know, this whole idea has the promisings to make a fascinating R-rated animated movie about “Zootopia” styled animals being allowed to kill each other only at specific times of the year, and having no choice but to starve if they fail. Somebody get on that and put me down as ‘creative consultant’.

Back to our featured attraction. Daffy tries to lure a bear over the line with a bacon lure. No bear can resist frying bacon! But I love how cautious he still is. Creeping up to the line, looking for hunters, barely sticking a foot in, finally crossing and doubling back almost instantly. But that bacon is a cruel temptress and he’s only ursine, so he eventually gives in to his urges and commandos his way over to the meaty treasure.

Just what Daffy wanted! He fires at the bear who is foolishly running deeper into the danger zone. (A hysterically dark joke would be some other hunter getting him. Bonus points if it was Elmer, of all hunters.) Daffy shoots some fur off before the bear remem-bears that, oh yeah, he’s a bear! And he force feeds Daffy his bullets. (Watch for the stray dot of brown that makes it onto the screen.)  Makes it kind of hard to believe this guy would care anymore about what side of the line he’s safe on. Daffy swears that he’ll be eating the bear tonight. Do… do hunters normally eat bear meat? Huh. Guess they can. I kinda want to try it now. (Of course, it’s completely feasible that a duck would also want to partake of such a meal.)

Daffy sneaks over the line in stump get-up, but the bear has been trained for this and sounds the alarm. The rangers aren’t ducking around! They open fire on Daffy with a tank and bomber! (And if Daffy makes it out of there alive, a hefty fine.) I love how calm the ranger is about reminding Daffy which side he’s supposed to stay on. Sounding less like he just tried to end the duck’s life, and more like Daffy took one too many cookies out of the jar. Guess it’s digging time! It’s legal to dig in the forest, right? (I’m not looking that one up too.)

Mr. Bear can hear Daffy digging, and uses his the smarts he earned in college to determine exactly where Daffy will emerge. (It’s really quite simple to surmise, really.) He sticks a shed full of dynamite on the emergence site, and stands back to watch the fireworks. Daffy loses all feathers below his bill and now has to reattach them, but finds he only had 512 of them. The rest of which got made into a necklace and head piece by that pesky bear. Resorted to barrel wearing, Daffy is all set to break the law and cross that line, but he’s too late. The hunting season is over, and the penalty for shooting a bear out of season just isn’t worth the hassle. Here’s hoping for Daffy’s sake that the bear won’t die before the next one starts.

Favorite Part: Daffy’s bullets are even willing to follow the rules as one stops short at the border and falls to the ground. A nice cartoony way of explaining why Daffy can’t just shoot the bear, and stay on his side.

Personal Rating: 3

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Boston Quackie

“Come on out before I let daylight through ya!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story Tedd Pierce; Animation by George Grandpre, Ted Bonnickson, Keith Darling, and Russ Dyson; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Bob Majors; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on June 22, 1957.

The titular “Boston Quackie” is one of those detective types who is a “friend to those who need no friends” and an “enemy to those who have no enemies.” It’s the second time of three that McKimson would have Daffy play detective, but while the first short was pretty timeless by not parodying anything specifically, this one’s title alone will probably send a few later generations to the Google search bar. (Assuming the younger generations are willing to give these old films a chance and realize that they hold up beyond remarkably well. I’m doing what I can.)

At the moment, Quackie is having a Parisian vacation with his girlfriend, Mary, and a dog that can’t keep his mouth from disappearing. (He’s just the chaperone.) But work will have to come before pleasure as Quackie’s boss, Inspector Faraway, shows up. Don’t know why Mary isn’t pleased to see him show up. He’s the kind of boss I’d invite to go on trips with me. (Of course I still need a girlfriend. Why do you ask?) Quackie’s got a job to do: deliver a package to the consulate in West Slobovia. (And do say “Hi” to Judd Fudd if you see him. Heard he was looking for lepus in those parts.)

Sounds so simple that even a duckling could do it. But spies will be hunting that parcel and- actually, one’s got it already. Time to give chase! Target: male with green hat. I’ve already got a police sketch drawn up.

Careful! I hear he’s a merry man!

Quackie follows the thief to the train station, and onto the most threatening locomotive this side of “Cuphead”. If the shrieking whistle doesn’t make your pants wet themselves, the endless eyes watching from the compartments will make it so. But that’s why Quackie is a detective, and I’m an amateur animation historian. He gets on board. (Watch out for that blue guy! I bet he’s a ghoul.)

There’s the thief! He’s just ducked into one of the cabins. Quackie drills a hole and points his gun. Give up the case or make out with the bullets! Your choice! And yet, despite those very reasonable choices, he chooses to pun the gun inside and shoot Quackie! Cheater! Oh wait. We got the wrong guy. This one is clearly wearing a top hat. And it’s not green.  A customary tip of the hat and this guy is one his w-GREEN!  I saw green on that head! Get him, Quackie! Be a hero!

Well, we can’t be quite sure who this mysterious man is, but he is willing to have Quackie join him for a drink. Rookie error! Reveal that hat, Quackie! And… he’s got a number of any hat BUT green under that top one. Well played, Barty Clubbin. Drink time! And I wanna break character to say how on top of things Daffy is during this scene. Shoots the guy poisoning his tea without looking and dumping the deadly drink into the nearest spittoon. (Even makes Barty flinch.) Still, he manages to subdue the detective with the ‘how many lumps do you want’ gag.

Now we’re sure this is our man! Chase time! It’s brief, but Quackie is outfoxed, stuffed in a mail sack, and left hanging on the nearest mail hook. Barty could get away right here, but he didn’t see the railway crossing, and is knocked off himself. Just in time for Farway and Mary to arrive, the latter knocking the thief out for good with her anvil-laden purse. Time to get that package where it belongs. Upon delivery, Quackie is aghast to find that he has just participated in an instant coffee run. But the consulate reveals it’s better than that: it’s a jar of instant woman! (Err… was that water he added?) He needed an escort, and Quackie delivered. The duck figures their could be a market for this stuff, but I’m not sure humanity is ready for it. I still remember the instant hole fiasco.

Favorite Part: When Quackie is checking the compartments, he finds a man about to be stabbed. It’s also said victim who pulls the privacy shade down.

Personal Rating: 3. I’ve never really heard of “Boston Blackie” before today, but I managed to make it through without scratching my head.

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People are Bunny

“Have a handful o’ blanks.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Ted Bonnicksen, Warren Batchelder, Tom Ray, and George Grandpre; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by William Butler; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on December 19, 1959.

Those born in 2010 C.E. and beyond might just never be able to understand the joy of actually watching T.V. None of this streaming crap; I’m talking about turning on the tube, flipping through the channels to find something, and either getting elated at your lucky find, or having to turn things off and read a book or play with your dog instead. As usual, we’ve sacrificed experience for ease, and while I can’t say Netflix doesn’t have a good many perks, it just isn’t the same.

But imagine how people like me must have felt in the fifties, when television was ruining the enjoyable trips to the motion pictures that used to be an occasional treat on par with visiting amusement parks and zoos. All of this tirade, just so I can point out that our short opens with Daffy watching television. Good thing his home has an island to keep the set functioning. The current show is “The Sportsman’s Hour” which is hosting a contest: be the first one to bring back a rabbit and win $1,000.00. That’s not too shabby. Say, doesn’t Daffy know a rabbit?

Daffy isn’t stupid enough to just outright tell Bugs to go with him to the studio, so he tries to sell the idea by offering him his extra ticket to said location. Bugs isn’t stupid enough to follow Daffy, instead claiming to be too busy for any fun today. Daffy makes him change his mind by taking a gun off the wall, and marching him to the studio. (Why does Bugs have two of those?) Upon reaching the place, Daffy sees exactly what kind of prizes this station can afford to give away. How’d that guy get the key to Fort Knox? And what’s his address? I’m suddenly in the mood to make a new best friend for one month!

Too bad Daffy is already busy trying to win a prize, or he could probably try for another. Wait, why give the benefit of doubt with that duck’s greed? He marches Bugs into a phone booth for safekeeping, and rushes to get himself a grab of the goodies. (Good thing nobody else was watching “The Sportsman’s Hour” or he’d probably get beaten to the punch.) While Bugs is winning call-in sweepstakes in the booth, Daffy has managed to become the contestant on “People are Phony”. (Not ‘Bunny’?) With a title like that, you’ll have enough material to reach “Sesame Street” levels of seasons.

The host, Art Lamplighter, (heh) tells us what Daffy is doing: going out into the world and helping an elderly women cross the street in 20 minutes. She isn’t Granny, but seeing as how this is a post-1950 world, you’d be forgiven for just assuming any elderly woman in the Looneverse was Granny. She also doesn’t want help crossing the street and beats Daffy the whole way. On the return trip, Daffy is run over, so Art declares him lost. (You know, when I was a contestant on this show, I helped an old lady cross a street and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.)

Daffy goes back to collect Bugs, who is still counting his winnings. He lures Daffy into the booth by saying the guy who gave him the dough might call back, and then imitating a ringing phone. (Woah! I didn’t know Bugs could make his arm disappear!) Daffy takes the bait, and the TNT receiver Bugs left for him. Bugs is now loose in the studio, and can disguise himself as an usher to send Daffy into the wrong rooms, or as a director on “Costume Show.” (Wow. That has ‘second season’ written all over it.) He gets Daffy in and in costume too: a rabbit costume.

Following stage instructions, Daffy walks out on the set of “The Sportsman’s Hour” with Bugs dressed as in Elmer attire. (I know Bugs is slightly taller than Daffy, but did the duck shrink in that suit?)Bugs wins another prize. Daffy reveals that he is actually a duck, and that suits the host just fine as the shortest rabbit season on record has just ended, and the shortest duck season has just begun. Fire away!

Favorite Part: Daffy inviting Bugs on the outing and the exasperated “Oh, boy!” and eye roll Bugs lets out. He knows him too well.

Personal Rating: 3

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Dog Collared

“Suh-Suh-Sunday driver!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Charles McKimson; Rod Scribner, Phil DeLara, and J.C. Melendez; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on December 2, 1951.

Here we are. Porky’s final solo work. Of course, it makes me sad, but I can’t deny that his best work was as the second fiddle. And it does give him more of a personality than ‘everyman’. Too bad that Bugs has now taken that role, leaving Porky to usually play the butt of the joke nowadays. (Wasn’t that Sylvester’s job?)

Porky learns it is “Be kind to animals” week. (Which is what I call the first 52 weeks of every year.) Deciding it’s a swell idea, he sets out to praise any beast he may come across in this picture. (I like how the cat he praises thinks he’s insane for being nice to a cat.) This almost immediately proves to not be the best idea, as he instantly earns the affections of a very large, very cute dog. He instantly falls for his new favorite pig, and returns the love x-fold.

Porky changes tune and starts insulting the dog. The poor dear cries and Porky rightfully feels awful. He can easily take back his words, but the dog’s love is part of the package. Porky throws a plank to distract the beast, before making a break for his car. The dog pops out of the back seat and gives Porky the hugs and kisses that he probably receives from random women who fawn over him on a daily basis. But since Porky can’t see during this, they crash.

Porky next tries to lose the beast by taking many different public transport systems, disguising himself as he gets off each one. Brilliant! I’m sure the people he’s stealing clothes from are totally on board for this! (And his Hiawatha outfit is cute.) When he reaches his place in his semi-racially insensitive Chines outfit, he finds the dog copying him. (I’m not too comfortable with the hound pulling his eyes into squints. Good thing he doesn’t know any better, eh animators?)

Luckily, a pig’s home is his castle, and those were built to keep others out. Porky is safe, if a little disturbed that the puppy is still watching him from the outside. Even appearing on his T.V.! Because, get this, he’s actually a lost dog with a reward of $5,000.00! (Porky: “A thousand b-be-b-be-bucks?” T.V.: “No, five thousand b-be-b-be-bucks!”) Of course, once Porky gets outside, the beast is nowhere in sight. (But he does find one of Pluto’s quint-pup-lets. Neat!) The dog he is looking for is doing what I just figure anyone would do upon being rejected by Porky: ending it all.

Don’t worry! Once he sees Porky calling for him, he backs out of what is a always a very, very, bad idea and un-jumps off the bridge. Things are really starting to turn around for everyone, as Porky happily leads the dog back to his original home. But once they’re at the door, the dog slips around the corner and leaves a toy dog for Porky to return instead. (I can’t blame him.) When a butler answers the door, he is decent enough to let Porky keep his dignity and doesn’t point out the phony, just instead saying it’s not the dog they’re looking for, as theirs’ could talk.

Porky can’t believe a dog could ever talk like a pig, and admits that if it were true, he’d keep the creature himself. The dog reveals the truth, and is over the moon and stars to find that he is now officially Porky’s pooch. Would that I could be so lucky. (Oh, and I was calling the dog “Taco” the whole time. I just wasn’t letting you know so as not to spoil the surprise.)

Favorite Part: Porky driving in his car, signaling a right turn.

And turning to the left! Completely missing the pile-up he’s just caused.

Personal Rating: I’ll give it a 3, but a 4 for dog lovers. (Which pretty much means it’s a four.)

 

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Don’t axe me

“What’s getting into these animuwls, today?”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Tedd Bonnicksen, George Grandpre, and Tom Ray. Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Bill Butler; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by: Mel Blanc; Music Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on January 4, 1958.

Feeding time on Fudd Farm! First up, feeding the duck. Daffy is the self admitted pig who eats every bite of his meal, the dish it was served in, then grumbles about not having more. He’s also not pleased to see the local Barnyard Dawg be given a ham and not him. (Sounds like I’m indicating that Daffy is into vore.) He eats that too, and shows the dog his chicken impression: drumming the serving dish over the dawg’s head.

Elmer missed the theft, so he scolds “wover” for chasing the duck, and banishes the beast inside. It’s there where we see someone we’ve never seen before, and I’m not sure ever again: The Mrs., Eloise Fudd! I knew Elmer wasn’t gay! There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s misinformation. That’s what bothers me, you understand. She’s just got off the phone with the reverend, who is coming to their place for dinner. She just needs an idea of what to serve, and brother, does that dawg have just the “duckiest” suggestion!

Despite her stating that she loves charades, she proves to not be very good at it, as the dawg has to eventually tell her outright what she should cook. Luckily, she sees this as a good idea and tells her husband to kill the bird. Hilariously, Elmer is considering it a pleasure. I mean, you’re liable to go bankrupt feeding THAT duck on farmer’s salary. (You’d need to at least be a carpenter.) Daffy tries saving his neck by using the PETA spiel. Mentioning that SOME farmers raise birds from egg to chick to adult, just to kill and eat them. Almost like… dare I mention the word… farming!

But not good ole Elmer! Since he has no need for an axe, Daffy chucks it in the well. Barnyard retrieves it, and Daffy beans him with it for his troubles. Elmer decides to use a razor, as it is more discreet. (I mean, sure, but you got to be more precise.) Daffy calls his bluff, and the farmer claims he was just going to shave. (I’d be a little disturbed if my poultry started talking. Don’t eat speaking meat.) Daffy does the whole “slave shtick” again, with the same results. No buttering up will keep a head from rolling now! Daffy at least requests the axe be sharp. Get it done quick-like, you know. Elmer agrees, and Daffy has an excuse to grind the axe to near nothing. Fade-out on a giggling Elmer readying his gun!

Cut to dinner time, Eloise hopes their guest will enjoy the poultry dinner. Only now does he feel need to mention that he’s a vegetarian. Too bad the fade-out wasn’t a fake-out, as Daffy has already been shot, de-feathered, and put in the roasting pan. At least the only thing dead is his dignity.

Favorite Part: Eloise’s charade guessing leading her to believe “wover” is suggesting “woast dawg” for supper. I don’t want her on my team!

Personal Rating: 3

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Of Rice and Hen

“WHAM-A-DOODLE!”*

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Herman Cohen, Rod Scribner, Phil DeLara, and Charles McKimson; Layouts by Robert Givens. Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on November 14, 1953. *(I friggin’ love that line.)

Guess who’s finally getting married? Yep! My younger brother! Explains today’s short choice perfectly!

All the local hens are proud mothers who love nothing more than raising their chicks. Excluding Prissy, of course.  She has zero. And not only do the hens know this lack of poultry progeny makes her miserable, but they delight in telling her that she’s the lucky one, because they know that bothers her. They can’t even have the decency to let her be friendly with their brood. (Don’t bother eating their drumsticks; they’re too bitter.) And the hurtful insults are the tipping point. Prissy is opting for what is always the worst option: suicide. (Briefly suffering wing loss as she does.)

Luckily for everyone involved, Foghorn spotted her just as she was about to jump and saves her to boot. She’s smitten. There’s just something about a guy who saves you from a dangerous situation that you put yourself in. Too bad her kiss only confounds him. Oh well. Time for the daily dog beating. Barnyard isn’t even tied up in this short, so Foggy has to slam a gate on him to avoid getting pounded back. After this bit of fun, Prissy returns, doing a sexy flamenco dance. (I honestly had trouble recognizing her without her signature bonnet.)

Foghorn is finally able to catch on, and tells her that he is not interested in as polite a manner as he is capable of. For you see, being married would interfere with his ‘sticking the dog with T.N.T. stick’ shtick. Which fails this time because it was the Dawg’s time to win. (But look closely! While Foghorn checks to see if the hound is asleep, Barnyard clearly looks him right in the eye! Does Foghorn just think he’s tied up in his house? Or was that just a bit of a mistime on the animator’s parts? It all depends on if you want to see the Toons as living beings or not.)

And Prissy is still at it. Now trying to buy Foghorn’s affections with confections. He has to put his talons down and tell her point blank that he has no interest in her. She understands. Saying the saddest version of her catchphrase, she departs. Give Foghorn some credit. At least he knows he was being a jerk. But that Dawg gets to her and plans to help her, as it would be the ultimate victory for him. (Plus, he’s written several shipping fanfic’s about the two. He has secrets.) He says the secret to getting your man is playing hard to get and when she tries it, the results are instantaneous.

What really steams the rooster up though, is seeing the Chinese knock-off version of him, Fog Horn Capon, putting the moves on the hen. (Really just that Dawg in disguise.) Foggy fights for her, and Barnyard is quite the method actor, willing to take some punches and ultimately throw the fight to sell the scene. Even the other ladies witness Prissy having two suitors fight for her, so that really boosts her self esteem. Foghorn quickly claims his prize and rushes off to Church’s Chicken… I mean Chicken Church, and has the deed done.

He celebrates his victory before things really start sinking in. Only now does he realize that one can win the fight, and still lose the war.

Favorite Part: Probably the most savage roast I’ve heard and probably ever will: “Gal reminds me of a highway between Fort Worth and Dallas: no curves.”

Personal Rating: 4. Top form writing.

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Tease for Two

“If you ask me, I’d say he is a very rude duck.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by David Detiege; Animation by Warren Batchelder, Bob Matz, and Manny Perez; Layouts by Dick Ung; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Lee Gunther; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Looney Tune released on August 28, 1965.

It’s the mid-sixties, it’s a Daffy cartoon, so he’ll be partaking in his usual feud with Speedy, no doubt? Actually, he’s not the featured rodent at all! Believe it, if you would be so kind, that Daffy is facing off against Mac and Tosh! Which surprises me, no end. What are the Goofy Gophers doing making any appearances after the original studio shut down? Whatever it was, they wouldn’t do it a second time.

I guess it just makes sense to have them here, as Daffy is following a stupidly easy map to gold, and Speedy is too domesticated to live in a hole in the ground. Daffy tells them to beat it, but they refuse to. (Politely, naturally.) They’ve got an honest-to-goodness deed to the property that says they are staying right where they are. Daffy chooses to plunge them out, rubs their heads together, (I don’t get it, but the action delights me for some reason,) and sends them off via can, mockingly repeating the farewell they gave him not a minute earlier with pitch perfect accuracy. (Both gophers are voiced by Mel here. He’s doing great, but Stan was simply wonderful as the other half.)

The two burrow back into their hole and leave a lit TNT stick for Daffy to find. (Mac jumps briefly during the countdown. Giddy, perhaps?) Daffy tries to tow them out via a rope tied to lettuce, but their vegetarian diet is doing wonders for their upper body strength, and they don’t budge; Daffy’s jeep’s frame gets ripped off the wheels. And they have more explosives to spare, leaving a bomb for Daffy to vacuum up. (Of course it’s lit. What uncouth creatures do you take these gophers for?) Daffy puts what he thinks is them in a trash can with a boulder on top, and the explosion sends the can over him, and the boulder on top.

Daffy next tries to flood them out, mistakenly thinking this kind of thing always works. But being more refined than Virgil and Ross, they simply cork the hose. All the water Daffy intended to send their way quickly builds up, and when it can go no larger, bursts, sending Daffy into the stratosphere. He gets hilariously poetic, musing about the silence up here, meets a friendly, passing cosmonaut, and is smart enough to realize that his reentry is going to burn. This whole sequence has raised the rating a number.

While Daffy isn’t looking, the two simply move the land-marker rock Daffy followed here in the opposite direction. Once he notices, he packs up his shovel and tries where he figures he should have been all along. (In typical Daffy function, he doesn’t even consider apologizing.) And to show how polite they really are, the gophers even throw a nugget for him to find. Their place IS loaded with the stuff, remember. Heck! They probably made the map as a way to make new friends and share happiness! (The greedy get the piss taken out of them first.) But since greed is a sin, they won’t be giving him more than the one piece. But they will humor him, and paint many of the plain rocks the same color. Man, these guys are pleasant!

Favorite Part: If not the whole space scene, then it’s after they first show the duck the deed. Giving him the polite version of ‘Get off our property!’: “It’s been so nice meeting you!” “Drop around again, sometime!”

Personal Rating: 3. I’m honestly surprised it took so long for Daffy to get paired up with this pair. The differing personalities scream comedy. Shame we couldn’t have seen it with a higher animation budget.

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Well Worn Daffy

“I would walk a mile to punch a camel in the nose.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by David Detiege; Animation by Warren Batchelder, Bob Matz, LaVerne Harding, Norm McCabe, Don Williams, and Manny Perez; Layouts by Dick Ung; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Lee Gunther; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Looney Tune released on May 22, 1965.

It’s a one of those hot days that deserts are known for. You can tell by how wildly the sun is pulsating. Speedy is in the midst of dying of thirst with a couple of pals, Pedro and Jose. Just as they are about ready to give up all hope, they spot a well with an oasis around it. Plenty of water there, but it’s off limits as the ones claiming it are Daffy and his camel. They don’t show any proof that they own the place, but they have a gun with them. That’s pretty realistic.

This situation is rather tortuous. Not helping it any is Daffy purposely wasting the water in front of the dehydrated mice. (And even if he was willing to share, that would mean trying to get a drop away from that camel. You seen the intake on those things?) Speedy comes up with a clever plan: he gets Daffy to chase him while the other two make a dash for the H2O. It works decently, but they didn ‘t count on the guard camel actually being in the well. Speedy decides to just try again, not giving any indication that the camel has even left the well by this point.

Well, guess the camel is gone or drowned by this point as Speedy gets a dipper full of the life juice. Daffy manages to succeed in stopping him though, by shooting the container. That is pretty dang impressive seeing as it’s Daffy. And no, the camel is still alive. Speedy learns this when the dromedary succeeds to keep the water from leaving with a trip wire. (I don’t like his laugh. It’s kinda unnerving. And yet, it kinda sounds like what I think a camel would sound like if it could laugh. Which makes it all the more disturbing.)

Okay, so carrying any water away doesn’t seem to have any chance of success. Speedy tries siphoning. He gets Daffy from the hose, who lets them have more gunshots. (Speedy looks so unnatural running away slow and lumbery. Is the lack of water finally taking its toll?) Daffy loads up with all the water he and Camel Joe can hold, and to make sure the mice die, he leaves explosives around the well. Speedy ties them to Joe’s tail and the two run for their lives, losing their water reserves in the process.

Finally allowed to drink, the mice grow swollen on the precious resource. A desperate duck and camel soon come calling, begging for the rodents to spare a drink. (The camel is clearly faking to spare Daffy’s feelings. His hump isn’t even sagging.) Proving that being the “bigger man” is always figurative, Speedy sprays him with the hose.

Favorite Part: Joe saying that Daffy gives him a headache. He doesn’t enjoy hanging around the mallard, but why give up all the free water that comes with the job?

Personal Rating: 2

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The Shell shocked Egg

“So far, life is just a mystery to me.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Manny Gould, Charles McKimson, I Ellis; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thompson; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on July 10, 1948.

A mother turtle has arrived at a beach, which means she is here to lay her eggs. But she clearly isn’t a sea turtle. Which I guess explains why her eggs are already laid, and she’s just burying them in the sand? Once they’re buried and named, it’s up to the sun to do its share of the work: heating those eggs. The egg christened Clem has gotten their feet out, when the sun is blocked out by clouds. And Clem feels that the gender they identify with most is female, so they’re off to find a greater heat source. (If you’re a zoologist, you get it.)

While Clem starts their quest, their mom breaks out the heat lamp. (Lazy ball of plasma! Why’d we get stuck with such a cowardly star? Don”t take sass from those punk nimbus!) She sits down to wait for her children. (Singing with her mouth wide open when her beak should clearly be moving.) Clem’s search for heat has led them to a farm. Plenty of endotherms there! But the cow isn’t willing to cooperate, and she swats the unborn child away. (Getting some good distance, despite Clem’s egg not being round like it should be.)

By this point, Clem’s brother’s have hatched. But mother Sheloise knows she pushed four eggs out her cloaca. (You don’t forget a thing like that, trust me.) And she won’t accept the cold fact that many turtles are lucky to get as far as Tom, Dick and Harry did. She frantically searches for her missing baby, while the other three help. Singing as they do. (What kind of barbershop trio would they be if they didn’t?)

Clem’s search has led them under a dog who isn’t too fazed that he apparently laid an egg at first. One second later, he realizes how famous he’d be! (We science types surely wouldn’t just vivisect him.) A mammal laying an egg! Can you imagine? I bet even these guys would be impressed:

No, really. These guys are the toughest critics to please. Just look at those scowls.

The dog chases after little Clem, who has now found their way to a hen’s nest. The dog takes what he is sure is rightfully his, but the hen’s frantic clucking has alerted the resident rooster who takes it back. Thus begins a game of back and forth. The dog hurts the bird, and the rooster hurts the canine. Poor Clem stuck in the middle of things. By this point, the other turtles have dug up pretty much the entire beach. Hope you weren’t planning on vacationing there anytime soon. (And yes, I did notice Harry’s plastron change color.)

Clem bolts back to the beach, with hound and hen hubby right behind. Sheloise sees this and scoops up the lot of them with her backhoe. She then hammers the hunter’s heads and collects her kid, who really is losing patience with the whole egg thing. Put them under that lamp so we can finally get a look at them! She does just that, and Clem actually does hatch a male, if the changed voice is any indication. Despite getting what he wanted Clem has found out that he still is in a shell, and he can’t part with this one and still live. Don’t believe what any koopas tell you.

Favorite Part: While Sheloise is burying her eggs, a note informs us why she’s doing that. She admonishes it because we clearly already know. (It’s like that joke was written especially for me.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Corn Plastered

“Nice instrument, Junior.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Charles McKimson, Rod Scribner, Phil DeLara, J.C. Melendez, and John Carey; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on March 3, 1951.

You watch this, and you can’t help but wonder: did McKimson want to create a new series of cartoons here? One starring an oreny old farmer Al Falfa wannabe and the illegitimate cousin of Heckle and Jeckle? Calling it the Crow and the Coot? Can’t really tell anymore, but we’re here and we can see this short, so let’s watch shall we? Maybe there IS potential here.

A crow (that I’m calling Cornfed) has a habit of eating the cornfields dry. He clearly hasthe brains crows possess, as he isn’t fooled at all by a scarecrow. He has a propeller beanie and a dickie as a wardrobe. The hat makes sense. As he has arms instead of wings, he needs something to fly with. The dickie… *shrug* a pun on dickey bird? What’s really interesting is his voice. He’s not voice by Mel! If IMDB is to be believed, the crow is voiced by a one Pat Patrick. To me, he sounds like Francis X. Bushlad. Could there be a connection?

As is typical of these kind of cartoons, the farmer (Who I’m calling Pop and thinking might be a relation to the Martin brothers,) has no chance in killing the corvid. Even when he has the bird cornered in a tree stump, he still manages to miss. I do love Cornfed’s reply: “You missed me. You didn’t exactly miss me either, but I wasn’t exactly standing where you shot.” (I’ll have to remember that one for if I ever play “Godeneye” again.) Since he missed, Pop chases him with an axe and begins chopping the tree Cornfed is hiding in. In a nice subversion of expectations, the tree doesn’t immediately fall on Pop, but threatens to crush his car. And succeeds despite his best efforts.

Pop comes home. There, he and Cornfed have a very intellectual and philosophical discussion about the refrigerator: whether or not the light stays on. Cornfed is a believer, Pop is not. The crow tells him there IS a way that they can find out, and Pop is willing to do that. He shuts himself in the fridge, and is soon begging to be let out. Cornfed does no such thing, but don’t worry, Pop gets himself out. (And is pleased that he proved his theory correct. This is how scientists are born.)

Maybe booby trapping some corn will wor- it won’t work. Pop tucks some TNT into a cob, but Cornfed sticks it back in his pocket. And making a pre-PVZ cob cannon fares even worse. (And keeps Pop’s mouth from moving.)The crow pulls on the cob, yes, but he pulls hard enough that the cannon is redirected at Pop when it is fired. And I do love his face. Looking at it, you can immediately read his thoughts: “Where did I go wrong? Why can’t I win? Is it even worth living anymore?” That last question gets answered after he lands in a boat, and angrily throws the cannonball down, making a hole.

He could swim, but he stubbornly chooses to drown. Stating that wherever he is going, there won’t be crows there. (Please don’t be heaven! I couldn’t face paradise without one of my favorite birds!) Dark enough, but the envelope gets pushed further. I guess Cornfed loves pestering him THAT much, for he quips that there soon will be, and plunges himself into the water too. HOLY-!

Maybe it’s good that any potential series stopped here.

Favorite Part: The bold and bass way Cornfed enters the house. Doesn’t knock or nuthin’, just struts in like he owns the place. Crows are so awesome.

Personal Rating: 3. Good effort. Some new twists on old gags, willing to let another person voice your characters, (I think I like Pat’s performance) and great facial expressions. (Still confused about that dickie, though.)