Category: Frank Tashlin

No director left and came back as much as this guy. Good thing he was worth rehiring.

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Now that Summer is Gone

“Poppa needs a new pair o’ shoes.”

Directed by Frank Tashlin. Released in 1938.

Another year has gone by, and in the tradition of updating each year, I will now list the year in which the day’s featured short was released. So, let’s begin.

It’s Fall, and that means the squirrels are busily storing acorns for the winter to come. All except one little squirrel. Work is for those who don’t like to have fun. He’d much rather gamble for them. He wins and the other all storm off. (What poor losers.) Unfortunately, the squirrel’s father shows up and scolds him for his deeds. (The other squirrels laugh and tell him that gathering acorns is the right way to do it. Hypocrites.) Despite his dad’s warnings, Jr. keeps it up and wins all the time. Soon enough, it’s time to go get their acorn supply from the “nutional bank.” His dad reminds him to not gamble while doing so, but he immediately runs into another squirrel who offers to play with him.

Admist a montage of dice, cards and roulette wheels, the little squirrel steadily loses everything. (Obviously that older guy is cheating.) With nothing left to win, the gentleman leaves and Jr. sadly heads home. Once there, he begins telling a tale of how bandits beat him up and stole the acorns. (They must’ve been nice enough to clean him up afterwards.) Too engrossed in his fib, he doesn’t notice his dad putting on the disguise he was wearing. (Are you shocked?) But he does soon enough. Having caught his delinquent son in the act, his father plans to give him ten lashes. Has Jr. learned his lesson? Will he take the punishment like a man? Heck No! He offers double or nothing but gets paddled anyway. We hear his cries of pain all through the ending.

Personal Rating: 3

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Little Beau Porky

“You! Scrub my Camel!”

Directed by Frank Tash

At a Foreign Legion outpost, “Le Comandent” comes out to speak to the troops. He has so many medals, he jangles whenever he steps. Looking over everyone, he sees Porky at the end dozing off. He calls him up for a camel wash. As they walk, Porky imitates him, but “Le Comandent” is not amused. Porky tries his best to wash the ungulate, but it keeps standing up and laying down. Whichever is the opposite of Porky’s location.

While that is happening, an injured soldier comes by to deliver a message. It seems like a man named Ali Mode is coming to attack. Everybody rushes out to the rescue. Even Porky. (Riding the camel that I’m pretty sure was established to not be his) “Le” tells him that as a camel scrubber, he is not allowed to come. Claiming he’s not scared, Porky locks up everything anyway. (Says he felt a draft.)

With everyone gone, Ali tries to take advantage of the (what he believes is empty) post. He knocks at the door Porky is hammering shut, and gets the Pig to believe it’s an echo. Soon enough, Porky catches on and Ali’s forces attack. They dig into the base, but Porky chops a tree that lands on all of them, and sends them back outside. Porky defends the whole place, and he kicks butt! Even that camel I don’t think he owns helps out. At the end of the short, it’s revealed that Porky is now “Le Comandant.” (He has so many medals, they hang off of his uniform.) Even that camel gets some recognition. With medals stretched between his humps. (Wait, how’d a bactrian camel get here anyway?)

Personal Rating: 3

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Little Pancho Vanilla

“You will never be bullfighter. You will always be, Mamacita’s good little machachito.”

Directed by Frank Tashlin

Our main character, Pancho, is reading a book on bullfighting. His mother however, is very discouraging and pretty much tells him he sucks. As Pancho (whose age is also never mentioned) sulks, three senoritas (of unidentifiable age) walk by. They cheerfully say hi, but Pancho is too busy brooding to be polite. The girls sing/mock him. (That’s the best part) Their attention is grabbed by a poster, that shows Clark Gable as a toreador. He’s apparently the greatest in the world! Or at least in Mexico. Pancho knows of one better: himself. The girls laugh. Come the big day, Pancho tries to enter the amateur entrance with everyone else. (At least he’s not insisting he’s a pro) He is turned away due to being too short. He sits on a wagon and grumbles at the fact they’re not letting him in, because he would scare the bull. (Suddenly, I have a huge craving for sour grapes) Inside, the bull is making billiard balls out of everyone. They bounce around, (dissapearing) and one flies out and lands on the wagon Pancho’s on. This launches him into the arena. He lands on the bull who is knocked down. Getting his second wind, the bull charges. Pancho may not be very big, but he is fast and gets out of the way. The bull still launches him, but Pancho launches him right back. Not fooling around, the bull revs up and gives a mighty charge that sends Pancho into the air. He falls on the bull and knocks him out for good. Back with his mom, Pancho and the girls (who I think I will name: Rose, Rosie, and Rosita) tell her what happened. She still acts kinda like a jerk. (You could’ve gotten hurt) But at least she makes use of Pancho’s first prize: a washing machine.

Personal Rating: 2

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The Case of the Stuttering Pig

“I’m going to get rid of those pigs!”

Directed by Frank Tashlin

Ahh. It feels good to be talking about my good pal, Porky again. Our story begins and, “It was a dark and stormy night.” Inside a house, there are six pigs. The majority of which seem frightened out of their wits, but my man Porky is smiling. Until, there’s a knock at the door. That sends all of them into the air. (I would like to point out that Porky IS wearing pants in this short) There’s no need to worry however, it’s only thier good friend, Lawyer Goodwill. (voiced by Billy Bletcher. Yeah, he can play a nice character can’t he?) Apparently, good, old, uncle Solomon Swine, (who looks an awful lot like Olliver Hardy) had passed away. Goodwill is here to read the (good) will. Or rather, he just lets them read it. Is that allowed? Seems their Uncle is leaving his entire house to his niece and nephews. (And he also seems to not want to be burried on the lone prarie.) But wait! There’s more! If they die, then Solomon’s friend, Goodwill gets everything! (They seem a little too interested in reading that part) Goodwill leaves. *phew* I though for sure he’d kill them. I’m sure it’s perfectly normal to have a secret lair in the basement of your dead friends house. Goodwill must be thirsty as he pours himself a nice glass of “Jeckyll and Hyde Juice.” Turning into something I’m sure we’ve all seen in our nightmares at some point, he announces his plan to remove what stands in the way of his inheiritance. (Huh. I never saw it coming.) He tells us all in the audience that we can’t do jack to help. (darn) Especially the guy in the third row. Anyways, Porky and his (siblings? cousins? I don’t think it’s ever stated) are all getting settled in. But the lights keep turning off and on, and each time, another of the pigs dissapear. First, Patrick. Then Peter. And Percy. And then Portus. Until thery’re all gone. Well, acutally, Porky and Petunia just went hiding behind the chair. (Out of all Petunia’s appearances, this is the only one where she and Porky are related.) Goodwill meanwhile, tells the others how he plans to do them in, as soon as he gets the last two. (why not? might as well get it done all at once) Before leaving, he mocks the  third row guy again. He captures Petunia quite easily, but I guess decides to have fun with Porky first, as he just follows him in Petunia’s place. When Porky notices, he runs up the stairs and leaps into the safety of Goodwill’s arms. (That juice must give you superhuman abilities. and duck feet) Porky runs again and finds his…sibl…cous…family stuck in some stocks. He frees them, but it appears to be too late! Goodwill has them cornered and moves in for the kill. When, all of a sudden, a chair flies in, hits Goodwill, and lands him in the stocks himself. Who could have done such a kind gesture? It’s the guy in the third row of course. (Voiced by Mel Blanc, in his normal voice)

Personal Rating: 4

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Porky Pig’s Feat

“Insulting my integrity, eh Fatso!?”

At the “Broken Arms Hotel” Porky is looking over the bill. It costs $152.50. (Dang. If only that were possible today!) He doesn’t have the money, but that’s okay. His (platonic) partner, Daffy, is cashing a check. Or rather, he’s gambling. And he loses it all. He slumps back to the room and hears the manager say he hopes Daffy will have the cash. Insulted, Daffy runs in and shouts several things into the managers face. He challenges Daffy to a duel. More angry, Daffy also challenges him to a duel with a horse shoe full glove.

Down for the count, Daffy grabs Porky, their luggage and runs to the elevator. The manager (I’m calling him Chubs) somehow made it down to the ground floor first, and marches them back to their room. He also says that they will never leave until they pay. Daffy pulls the rug out from under him and he rolls down an eternity of stairs. That doesn’t stop him and he runs right back up. Daffy tries the rug trick again, but Chubs pretends to fall, as to lure Porky and Daffy back out. Daffy finally agrees to pay.

The cost has gone up to include the damages. ($500.62. Still, not bad for today.) Daffy hits him on the head and a chase scene ensues. Chubs chases them to a door, that has endless doors between it and the room. (Plus an Avery-esque sign.) Porky makes a rope and they slide down the window. (Daffy stopping to whistle at a hot chick in a magazine.) At the bottom, a random hand gives Porky a hotfoot. (Who was that? Chubs? Frank Tashlin? Sewer James?) Pokry leaps back up in pain knocking him and Daffy back to their room. (But not before Daffy ogles the woman again.)

Soaking their burned bodies, they find Chubs finally caught up to them, and they make a rope that can swing this time. They end up in another building that Chubs somehow got to, and he swings them back to the “Broken Arms”. Then he barricades them in their room. Months go by and Daffy and Porky are starting to go nuts. (Porky is pretty forgiving, since this is all his platonic partners fault.) I assume they got food, and Chubs is torturing them. He knows they have no money. (Hey look. “Porky loves Petunia”! Adorable!)

Porky suggests that Bugs Bunny could help them. Daffy calls him his hero. (I guess he was a fan until Bugs stole the spotlight.) They call Bugs and ask for help. After suggesting all the things they already tried, Bugs reveals he knew they wouldn’t work. He’s trapped in the next room. (Only appearance in a b/w short, and first time onscreen with Daffy. That’s history in the making!)

Personal Rating: 4

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Porky’s Romance

“Ladies and Gentlemen! Introducing Leon Scheslinger’s new Looney Tune Star: Petunia Pig!”

After her grand debut makes her look like a basket case, Porky is shown happily buying a ring, candy, and flowers. (I don’t trust that ring.) He makes his way to Petunia’s place and eagerly rings her doorbell. Petunia sees it’s Porky and rejects him. As does her dog, Flumnums. (I don’t care what you say, THAT is the ugliest dog I ever saw!)

Porky somehow heard her through the door, and leaves, crying. Flumnums suddenly sees something that is sure to capture Petunia’s attention: the big box of candy Porky has. She immediately runs out, grabs him, (and the candy) and makes to her couch, where she begins *ahem* pigging out on the sweets. She shares with Flumnums and Porky can’t help but lick his lips. Flumnums won’t let Porky take any however. Porky finally gets one anyway, only for the dog to steal it. (and ruin his hat.)

Porky finally gets to why he came here at all. He proposes. (Interesting note: It’s the last time Doughtery voiced him. Blanc would come in next to show him, how it’s done.) Petunia laughs at Porky and he leaves brokenhearted. He goes to hang himself. (Woah, wait a minute Porky. Let’s talk about this, it’s not worth it!) Lucky for everyone in the audience, he doesn’t die. His weight causes the branch to snap and hit him on the head. Porky then has a vision of what the world would be like if he wasn’t born… oh wait, this short came out first. Instead he see’s what would happen if he married his dream girl.

After a wedding that everyone came to see, they drive off to spend their honeymoon in a hotel. (The license plate says 13OO13. Uh-Oh) However time waits for no pig and it munches on. Years later, Petunia is no longer Mrs. Pig, she is now Mrs. Hog. It appears that all she spends her time doing is eating candy with Flumnums. (What breed is he? Obese.) So, where does that leave Porky? Doing all the housework. He breaks some dishes which cause his children to wake up. (I think they’re all boys, as they’re all named Porky Jr.) Petunia yells at him to shut the brats up and hits him with the stereotypical housewife weapon: a rolling pin, to the piglets’ amusement.

Porky comes back to reality to find Petunia apologizing and agreeing to marry him. (Flumnums is also there, cuddling Porky.) Porky remembers what his dream told him and he runs for the hills. Only coming back to take the candy with him. (And give Flumnums a well deserved kick.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Swooner Crooner

“G-G-Gee Wiz! That’s swell fellas!”

Its the middle of WWII. Doing his part, Porky has all the hens who work at Flockheed Factory laying eggs for soldiers. They get in nests and powerhouse their way through the place, before laying an egg in a private area. (And don’t worry if you can’t lay any, Porky will force you to)

Work will be the last thing on the hen’s minds when a Sinatra Rooster is outside. They leave to swoon and reenact scenes that also appear in the animated part of “Two guys form Texas.” Porky needs those chickens back, but they’ve been seduced so much that only a crooner of equal or better value could lure them back.

Porky holds auditions and rejects the poultry versions of Nelson Eddy, Al Jolson, Jimmy Durante, and Cab Calloway. He finds his man (er bird) in the form of a one Bing Crosby rooster. His singing has the hens “flocking” to him and subsequently laying eggs again. Frankie can’t have that and a battle of the singers ensues. Much later Porky is admiring the mountains of eggs he now has. He wants to know their secret. They start singing and (in a scene I could see as the ending to a “Twilight Zone” episode) Porky begins to lay eggs too.

Personal Rating: 4

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Speaking of the Weather

“Is everybody happy?”

Around midnight, the magazines in a shop come to life. The radio star plays music before “Radioland” takes over. A beaver from “Outdoor Life” slaps a bass, and “The Dance” starts having a good time. Two boxers dance in “The Ring” and “Child’s Life” applauds. Hugh Herbert enjoys himself too. (Behind him, is a note stating that he was in Coo-Coo Nut Grove. Nice continuity.) Leopold Stickoutski conducts the storm and our title song begins, being joined by some singing tongue sandwiches and lobster/oyster castanets.

Gang magazine robs “Wall Street” but soon confesses to “Confessions”. He is sentenced to Life magazine. He goes to the other magazine nearby (Liberty) and breaks free. Walter Snicthall (Twitchell) alerts everyone, and now everyone is on the alert. The Thin Man and his Dog(world) find him hiding in “Better Babies” and he runs. He is lassoed by “Western Story”, trips over Greta Garbo’s feet and lands in “Twenty thousand years in Sing-Sing”. Hugh laughs at this and the crook drops a globe on him. He then laughs in the same manner Hugh did.

Personal Rating: 2

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The Woods are full of Cuckoos

“Are you stirring?”

This short opens with Alexander Owlcott (Alcott) playing an announcer. We see our old friend Ben Birdie fighting with Walter Finchell (Winchell.) Milton Squirrel (Berle) introduces us to Wendell Howl (Hall) who tries to tell the audience which book page has the song they’re singing. He gives up and tells them to do the same, and they throw their books at him.

Billy Goat (Jones) and Ernie Bear (Hare) lead us in our featured song. Many others join in including: Eddie Gander (Cantor) W.C. Fieldmouse (Fields), Fats Swallow (Walker) Bing Crowsby (Crosby) and Al Goatson (Jolson). Grace Moose (Moore) and Lily Swans (Pons) each try to out do each other singing higher and higher notes. We also see some of our favorite radio stars like Joe Penguin, (Penner) Moutha Bray, (Martha Raye) and Tizzie Fish (Lish) who shows us how to make a ripple and get plenty of iron in our diets. After a quick skit which involves Jack Bunny, (Benny. Okay, that one was obvious.) Owlcott sends us on our way.

Personal Rating: Ditto with its precursor. 3 for the fans, 2 for the rest.

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Porky’s Road Race

“On your mark… Get set… SCRAM!”

First of all, I must mention that this short is purely coincidental. If you see anyone who resembles a famous actor, disregard it. It is pure luck. However, I will still call them by the names of who they remind me of. Now then:

It’s time for a big race and the winner gets a cool $1,000,000! (Tax deductibles aside leaves one with a cool $1.63!) Porky is hard at work fine tuning his vehicle. It’s a humble car. The competition includes: Laurel and Hardy riding on a seesaw that is pumping a tire, Charlie Chaplin who accidentally hurts W.C. Fields’ nose, Enda May Olliver, who Fields helps fine tune hiccuping vehicle, Greta Garbo, happily working alone on her car, and Charles Laughton, who has a literal motor boat.

In a locked up area, we see a character known as Borax Karloff. He has a huge car, that is sure to be full of tricks. The race is about to start, and Porky is the clear favorite. (Remember him? His name IS in the title.) It begins and most of the other racers fall victim to Karloff’s tricks. Laughton successfully dodges most of the traps, but can’t avoid the torpedo sent his way. Karloff disables the majority with a squirt of glue, but not Porky. The glue sticks to his wheels ,and bricks stick to them, making some nice treads.

Karloff tries grease, but that just causes the treads to pop off and hit him in the head. After exiting a tunnel our two last competitors have switched cars. Karloff is in the lead and raises a drawbridge to keep Porky from completing the race. Porky uses the bridge as a ramp and launches to the finish line first. The judges award him a crown, but Olliver (whose car is reduced to nearly nothing) drives by stealing the crown for herself. Enjoy your brief victory, kid. I’ll be returning that prize to the REAL champion now, thank you.

Personal Rating: 3