The Case of the Stuttering Pig

“I’m going to get rid of those pigs!”

Directed by Frank Tashlin

Ahh. It feels good to be talking about my good pal, Porky again. Our story begins and, “It was a dark and stormy night.” Inside a house, there are six pigs. The majority of which seem frightened out of their wits, but my man Porky is smiling. Until, there’s a knock at the door. That sends all of them into the air. (I would like to point out that Porky IS wearing pants in this short) There’s no need to worry however, it’s only thier good friend, Lawyer Goodwill. (voiced by Billy Bletcher. Yeah, he can play a nice character can’t he?) Apparently, good, old, uncle Solomon Swine, (who looks an awful lot like Olliver Hardy) had passed away. Goodwill is here to read the (good) will. Or rather, he just lets them read it. Is that allowed? Seems their Uncle is leaving his entire house to his niece and nephews. (And he also seems to not want to be burried on the lone prarie.) But wait! There’s more! If they die, then Solomon’s friend, Goodwill gets everything! (They seem a little too interested in reading that part) Goodwill leaves. *phew* I though for sure he’d kill them. I’m sure it’s perfectly normal to have a secret lair in the basement of your dead friends house. Goodwill must be thirsty as he pours himself a nice glass of “Jeckyll and Hyde Juice.” Turning into something I’m sure we’ve all seen in our nightmares at some point, he announces his plan to remove what stands in the way of his inheiritance. (Huh. I never saw it coming.) He tells us all in the audience that we can’t do jack to help. (darn) Especially the guy in the third row. Anyways, Porky and his (siblings? cousins? I don’t think it’s ever stated) are all getting settled in. But the lights keep turning off and on, and each time, another of the pigs dissapear. First, Patrick. Then Peter. And Percy. And then Portus. Until thery’re all gone. Well, acutally, Porky and Petunia just went hiding behind the chair. (Out of all Petunia’s appearances, this is the only one where she and Porky are related.) Goodwill meanwhile, tells the others how he plans to do them in, as soon as he gets the last two. (why not? might as well get it done all at once) Before leaving, he mocks the  third row guy again. He captures Petunia quite easily, but I guess decides to have fun with Porky first, as he just follows him in Petunia’s place. When Porky notices, he runs up the stairs and leaps into the safety of Goodwill’s arms. (That juice must give you superhuman abilities. and duck feet) Porky runs again and finds his…sibl…cous…family stuck in some stocks. He frees them, but it appears to be too late! Goodwill has them cornered and moves in for the kill. When, all of a sudden, a chair flies in, hits Goodwill, and lands him in the stocks himself. Who could have done such a kind gesture? It’s the guy in the third row of course. (Voiced by Mel Blanc, in his normal voice)

Personal Rating: 4

Porky Pig’s Feat

“Insulting my integrity, Eh Fatso!?”

At the “Broken Arms Hotel” Porky is looking over the bill. It costs $152.50. (Dang. If only that were possible today) He doesn’t have the money, but thats okay. His partner (Daffy) is cashing a check. Or rather, he’s gambling. And he loses it all. He slumps back to the room and hears the manager say he hopes Daffy will have the cash. Insulted Daffy runs in and shouts several things into the managers face. He challenges Daffy to a duel. More angry, Daffy also challenges him to a duel with a horse shoe full glove. Down for the count, Daffy grabs Porky, their luggage and runs to the elevator. The manager (I’m calling him Chubs) somehow made it down there and marches them back to their room. He also says that they will stay until they pay. Daffy pulls the rug out from under him and he rolls down an eternity of stairs. That dosen’t stop him and he runs right back up. Daffy tries the rug trick again, but Chubs pretends to fall, as to lure Porky and Daffy back out. Daffy finally agrees to pay. The cost has gone up to include the damages. ($500.62. Still, not bad for today) Daffy hits him on the head and a chase scene ensues. Chubs chases them to a door, that has endless doors between it and the room. (Plus an Avery-esque sign) Porky makes a rope and they slide down the window. (Daffy stopping to whistle at a hot chick in a magazine. At the bottom, a random hand gives Porky a hotfoot. (Who was that? Chubs? Frank Tashlin? Sewer Joe?) Pokry leaps back up in pain knocking him and Daffy back to their room. (But not before Daffy ogles the woman again) Soaking their burned bodies they find Chubs finally caught up to them, and they make a rope swing. They end up in another building that Chubs somehow got to, and swings back to the “Broken Arms” with them in tow. Then he barricades them in their room. Months go by and Daffy and Porky are starting to go nuts. (Porky is pretty forgiving, since this is all his partners fault) I assume they got food, and Chubs is torturing them. He knows they have no money. (Hey look. Porky loves Petunia) Porky suggests that Bugs Bunny could help them. Daffy calls him his hero. (I guess he was a fan, until Bugs stole the spotlight) They call Bugs and ask for help. After suggesting all the things they already tried, Bugs reveals he knew they wouldn’t work. He’s trapped in the next room. (Only appearance in a b/w short, and first time onscreen with Daffy)

Personal Rating: 4

Porky’s Romance

“Ladies and Gentlemen! Introducing Leon Scheslinger’s new Looney Tune Star: Petunia Pig!”

After her grand debut, Porky is shown happily buying a ring, candy, and flowers. (i don’t trust that ring) He makes his way to petunias place and eagerly rings her doorbell. Petunia sees its him and rejects him. As does her dog, Flumnums. (I don’t care what you say, THAT is the ugliest dog I ever saw) Porky somehow heard her through the door, and leaves crying. Flumnums suddenly sees something that is sure to capture Petunia’s attention: the big box of candy Porky has. She immediately runs out, grabs him, (and the candy) and makes to her couch, where she begins *ahem* pigging out on the sweets. She shares with Flumnums and Porky can’t help but lick his lips. Flumnums won’t let Porky take any however. Porky finally gets one anyway, only for the dog to steal it. (and ruin his hat) Porky finally gets to why he came here at all. He proposes. (interesting note: last time Doughtery voiced him. Blanc would come in next to show him, how it’s done.) Petunia laughs at Porky and he leaves broken hearted. He goes to hang himself. (Woah, wait a minute Porky. Let’s talk about this, it’s not worth it!) Lucky for everyone in the audience he doesn’t die. His weight causes the branch to snap and hit him on the head. Porky then has a vision of what the world would be like if he wasn’t born… oh wait, this short came out first. Instead he see’s what would happen if he married his dream girl. After a wedding (that everyone came to see) they drive off to spend their honeymoon in a hotel. (The liscence plate says 13OO13. Uh-Oh) However time waits for no pig and it mucnhes on. Years later, Petunia is no longer Mrs. Pig, she is now Mrs. Hog. It appears that all she spends her time doing is eating candy with her pet dog Flumnums. (What breed is he? Obese) So, where does that leave Porky? Doing all the housework. He breaks some dishes which cause his children to wake up. (I think they’re all boys, they’re all named Porky Jr.) Petunia yells at him to shut the brats up and hits him with the stereotypical housewife weapon: a rolling pin, to the piglets’ amusement. Porky comes back to reality to find Petunia apologizing and agreeing to marry him. (Flumnums is also there, cuddling Porky) Porky remembers what his dream told him and he runs for the hills. Only coming back to take the candy with him. (And give Flumnums a well deserved kick)

Personal Rating: 3

Swooner Crooner

“G-G-Gee Wiz! That’s swell fellas!”

Its the middle of WWII. Doing his part, Porky has all the hens who work at Flockheed Factory laying eggs for soldiers. They get in nests and powerhouse their way thourh the place, before laying an egg in a private area. (And don’t worry if you can’t lay any, Porky will force you to) Work will be the last thing on the hen’s minds when a Sinatra Rooster is outside. They leave to swoon and reenact scenes that also appear in the animated part of “Two guys form Texas.” Porky needs those chickens back, but they’ve been seduced so much that only a better crooner could lure them back. Porky holds auditions and rejects the poultry versions of Nelson Eddy, Al Jolson, Jimmy Durante, and Cab Calloway. He finds his man (er bird) in the form of a one Bing Crosby rooster. His singing has the hens “flocking” to him and subsequently laying eggs again. Frankie can’t have that and a battle of the singers insues. Much later Porky is admiring the mountains of eggs he now has. He wants to know their secret. They start singing and (in a scene i could see as the ending to a twilight zone episode) Porky begins to lay eggs too.

Personal Rating: 4

Speaking of the Weather

“Is everybody happy?”

Around midnight, the magazines in a shop come to life. The radio star plays music before “Radioland” takes over. A beaver from “Outdoor Life” slaps a bass, and “The Dance” starts having a good time. Two boxers dance in “The Ring” and “Child’s Life” applauds. Hugh Herbert enjoys himself too. (Behind him, is a note stating that he was in Coo-Coo Nut Grove. Nice continuity.) Leopold Stickoutski conducts the storm and our title song begins, being joined by some singing tongue sandwiches and lobster/oyster castanets.

Gang magazine robs “Wall Street” but soon confesses to “Confessions”. He is sentenced to Life magazine. He goes to the other magazine nearby (Liberty) and breaks free. Walter Snicthall (Twitchell) alerts everyone, and now everyone is on the alert. The Thin Man and his Dog(world) find him hiding in “Better Babies” and he runs. He is lassoed by “Western Story”, trips over Greta Garbo’s feet and lands in “Twenty thousand years in Sing-Sing”. Hugh laughs at this and the crook drops a globe on him. He then laughs in the same manner Hugh did.

Personal Rating: 2

The Woods are full of Cuckoos

“Are you stirring?”

This short opens with Alexander Owlcott (Alcott) playing an announcer. We see our old friend Ben Birdie fighting with Walter Finchell (Winchell.) Milton Squirrel (Berle) introduces us to Wendell Howl (Hall) who tries to tell the audience which book page has the song they’re singing. He gives up and tells them to do the same, and they throw their books at him.

Billy Goat (Jones) and Ernie Bear (Hare) lead us in our featured song. Many others join in including: Eddie Gander (Cantor) W.C. Fieldmouse (Fields), Fats Swallow (Walker) Bing Crowsby (Crosby) and Al Goatson (Jolson). Grace Moose (Moore) and Lily Swans (Pons) each try to out do each other singing higher and higher notes. We also see some of our favorite radio stars like Joe Penguin, (Penner) Moutha Bray, (Martha Raye) and Tizzie Fish (Lish) who shows us how to make a ripple and get plenty of iron in our diets. After a quick skit which involves Jack Bunny, (Benny. Okay, that one was obvious.) Owlcott sends us on our way.

Personal Rating: Ditto with its precursor. 3 for the fans, 2 for the rest.

Porky’s Road Race

“On your mark… Get set… SCRAM!”

First of all, I must mention that this short is purely coincidental. If you see anyone who resembles a famous actor, disregard it. It is pure luck. However, I will still call them by the names of who they remind me of. Now then:

It’s time for a big race and the winner gets a cool $1,000,000! (Tax deductibles aside leaves one with a cool $1.63!) Porky is hard at work fine tuning his vehicle. It’s a humble car. The competition includes: Laurel and Hardy riding on a seesaw that is pumping a tire, Charlie Chaplin who accidentally hurts W.C. Fields’ nose, Enda May Olliver, who Fields helps fine tune hiccuping vehicle, Greta Garbo, happily working alone on her car, and Charles Laughton, who has a literal motor boat.

In a locked up area, we see a character known as Borax Karloff. He has a huge car, that is sure to be full of tricks. The race is about to start, and Porky is the clear favorite. (Remember him? His name IS in the title.) It begins and most of the other racers fall victim to Karloff’s tricks. Laughton successfully dodges most of the traps, but can’t avoid the torpedo sent his way. Karloff disables the majority with a squirt of glue, but not Porky. The glue sticks to his wheels ,and bricks stick to them, making some nice treads.

Karloff tries grease, but that just causes the treads to pop off and hit him in the head. After exiting a tunnel our two last competitors have switched cars. Karloff is in the lead and raises a drawbridge to keep Porky from completing the race. Porky uses the bridge as a ramp and launches to the finish line first. The judges award him a crown, but Olliver (whose car is reduced to nearly nothing) drives by stealing the crown for herself. Enjoy your brief victory, kid. I’ll be returning that prize to the REAL champion now, thank you.

Personal Rating: 3

Hare Remover

“All out of expewamentew animaws. I’ll have to twap a wabbit.”

So now that the site is two years old, I’m trying to improve it anyway I can. So now if I can’t find a clip, I’ll still try to find a picture for the short.

In this short, Elmer is a scientist. He never says what he is working on, but I assume it’s a standard Jekyll/Hyde formula. He gives some to his lab dog, who rushes out to eat grass. (I only assume it does not work, you don’t need to  invent something that makes dogs eat grass.) Since that was his last “guinea pig,” Fudd decides to trap a lagomorph. (To use Latin.)

He sets up a trap, and Bugs comes out, amazed such obvious traps still exist. Taking pity, he decides to play along and gets in. (Notice Elmer seems to have buck teeth in this short?) Back at the lab, the formula seems to have no effect on Bugs. Elmer gives up. (Scientists have to be used to failure, so I guess it’s true when he says he’s a horrible scientist.) To calm him down (or maybe to give him a taste of his own medicine,) Bugs gives him a drink of the concoction. I still don’t know if it works. Elmer freaks out, so does it only work on people? He runs to join his dog in grass eating but on the way he runs into a bear, leaving his hat behind.

The bear walks to the lab, and when Bugs sees the ursine wearing Fudd’s hat he assumes the potion did it. He whips up something to turn him back. The bear drinks it and hates the taste. Bugs flees for his life. The bear takes a bite out of Bug’s carrot to remove the taste in his mouth. Fudd comes back and seeing the bear with the carrot, also assumes the stuff worked. He whips up a potion to remove the effects, but the bear is not drinking that again. Bugs reappears and Elmer flees from what he now knows is 100% bear.

Bugs advises him to play dead, and just like in “Wabbit Twouble” it works. Fudd is relieved, but Bugs acts like a bear to torment him. Elmer continues to play dead while the real bear concludes that the two are insane.

Personal Rating: 3

Have you got any Castles?

“Hear ye, Hear ye, Hear ye.”

In another of the “books coming to life” series of cartoons, we come across a bookshop at midnight. The town crier announces that we are in for a treat as 4 famous literary monsters do a cute little dance. All the characters applaud and cheer while “The Good Earth” prays. Everyone begins to dance and “Green Pastures” sings along with Cab Calloway. A thin man goes to fatten himself at the “white house cookbook”, and the “Little Women” and “Little Men” sing about Old King Cole.

They are joined by the house of “Seven (Clark) Gables” and “Bulldog Drummin.” Louis Pasteur blows himself to “Seventh Heaven” and all the while, Rip Van Winkle is annoyed by lack of sleep. The 3 musketeers sing our title song, but I guess they are the villains as they take “The Seven Keys of Baldpate” and free “The Prisoner of Zenda.” Everyone else starts shooting at them, until Rip, who’s had enough, opens up a hurricane on them all, thus making them “Gone with the Wind.”

Personal Rating: 3