Category: Looney Tunes

Cartoons that were labeled as “Looney Tunes.”

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The Wise Quacking Duck

“Buck up, B.B. eyes!”

Do you like quacksberry pie?

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Phil Monroe; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1943.

Hope you weren’t expecting me to keep trying to tie the week’s featured short into something related to the time of year. I’m past that. Here’s another short with a one of those one time appearing characters that Termite Terrace loved so much. This is Mr. Meek. His voice annoys me to no end, but he isn’t Red Hot Ryder so he’s not all bad. Today, his wife wants roast duck for dinner. He doesn’t really have the heart for it, but what Sweetie-Puss wants, Sweetie-Puss gets. Luckily, there is a duck who is casually resting his head against a tree stump. Just begging to be chopped off. Unluckily, it’s Daffy. (Oh, like you couldn’t tell.)

He doesn’t take too kindly to the near decapitation and decides to really mess with Meek. (He looks like a Marvin. Let’s call him Marvin.) He starts by shoving his head into his neck and spraying ketchup around. (Geeze!) This does not help Marvin’s case at all and he slumps back to his house. There’s a kind soul inside willing to lend an ear to his woes: Daffy again. He offers Meek a cup of coffee, but finds that Sweetie-Puss already beat him to the “giving lumps” joke. This doesn’t stop him from adding more. And cream! AND DANCING IN THE FOOD! (This might be Daffy at his craziest.)

Meek catches on that it’s the same daffy duck as earlier and chases, running into a drawing Daffy put up on the wall. The duck then drops an egg on him from high up in the air. (Is there no roof?) But Meek has reached his boiling point. He points a gun at Daffy. What else can he do? Strip! No, really. Daffy starts taking off his feathers rather seductively, causing the poor man to blush. (It’s a good thing his wife doesn’t come in at this point. In fact, we never see her. She’s probably really beautiful.) Don’t worry, he stops once he reaches his boxer shorts. Next he dresses up as a swami with a Jerry Colona-esque voice. Not only does he read the bumps on Marvin’s head, (The one’s from earlier have healed, so he thoughtfully adds more.) but he offers him his palm red. (This is such a great joke. I’ve used it on my friend before. He luckily thought it was funny too.)

Meek grabs his gun again in a bit of animation that looks just like the one earlier. (Even Daffy points out this is the second time it’s happened in the same picture.) Meek shoves him in the oven and turns it up full blast! But he can’t bear to hear Daffy screaming from inside and opens the door. Is this the end of Daffy Duck? Nah. He’s still alive and well and happily basting himself. It ends like that, leading me to believe that they didn’t have much of a story in mind and just wanted to have Daffy be daffy for the sake of being daffy. (And God bless them for it.)

Personal Rating: 3

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The Bashful Buzzard

“Just watch me folks!”

Why don’t he do this more often?

Directed by Robert Clampett; Story by Michael Sasanoff; Animation by Robert McKimson; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. Released in 1945.

Finally get to talk about Beaky again! I love this guy! (No! Really?) But the poor bird only had four appearances in his theatrical career, so I can’t give him his own entry. (And yet, he was pretty popular in merchandise at the time.) At first, he was just called “The Snerd Bird” due to his resemblance to Mortimer Snerd. And he wasn’t voiced by Mel. (At first) His original voice voice actor was a talented young man named Kent Rogers. He was a semi-regular in these shorts. Being the original voice of Henrey Hawk and Junyer Bear, and voicing caricatures of Hollywood’s finest in “Hollywood Steps Out” (And he was only 14 at the time!) He died during some training for World War II. Friggin’ Hitler! This is all his fault! Along with “Fantasia” not getting a European release! I wouldn’t be born for decades and he still ruined my life!

This short starts very similar to Beaky’s first appearance in “Bugs Bunny Gets The Boid.” Mama buzzard even telling her boys to bring back the same things she did then. Perhaps aware that this has been done before, everyone’s lines are more exaggerated. Beaky really doesn’t want to go, but is kicked out anyway. His brothers target a farm and each grab some poultry. (By the necks even! They’re not kidding around.) Beaky tries to do the same, but crashes into a weather vane. His mom rescues him, sarcastically comparing him to his father. (Am I the only one who’s curious about him?)

She points out his brothers are now each carrying home a sheep. Wanting to make his mom proud, Beaky tries the same, but just pulls the wool off. The sheep beats him for that. The brothers have moved on to even bigger game by this time. Including: a cow complete with a farmer milking her, (the farmer avoids being part of their dinner, but still plummets to his doom) a dog who really doesn’t want to die, (he desperately clings to a fire hydrant) a freakin’ horse drawn carriage complete with driver and romantic couple, (at least they’re going to die happily) and even a parade of circus elephants! (Including a cute little baby one at the end who informs Disney’s lawyers that he’s NOT Dumbo.) Mama happily shoves all the meat into the pot. Seeing as Beaky hasn’t come home yet, she figures he must be bringing home something fantastic!

Well, he caught a bumblebee. (A baby one yes, but still…) The mother comes to her young’s rescue and stings Beaky.  While he soothes his aching tail feathers, a creature laughs at him. Seeing that he is taller than the thing that is most definitely a caterpillar or turtle, he begins pummeling and insulting the creature. Even nearly swearing, calling him a piece of shhhhhhoe leather. (I didn’t know the term even existed in the 40’s.) Unfortunately, Shorty (as Beaky calls him) is actually the head of a dragon. A. Dragon. And it’s not too happy about Beaky trying to carry it off. It roars, but Beaky tells it to stop scaring Shorty. He realizes it IS Shorty and is chased into a cloud where he is presumably thrashed.

Later that night, Mama laments the fact her son is gone. (Isn’t that sweet? As hard as she may be on him, it’s because she loves him and just wants him to be strong.) Every parent’s worst nightmare is over when Beaky shows up. Perfectly healthy, but a little roughed up. And empty handed. (No really. Look at his wings. There’s nothing there.) Happy as she is, she still scolds him for not bringing home any meat. (It’s the only way he’ll learn.) It’s a shame that the short ends here. I want to see her face when she see’s the DRAGON that her son is now currently holding. And that is why I’ll never forget Beaky. He took on a dragon and won. He’s going to get all the b*tches.

Personal Rating: 3, but if the beginning wasn’t an obvious repeat, I might have opted for a 4.

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Prehistoric Porky

“♫ A-hunting I will g-go! ♫”

Mama, baby, dad!

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by John Carey; Story by Melvin Miller; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1940.

This short takes place in the year One billion, trillion B.C. Or if your mind isn’t able to picture such a ways back: it was a long time ago. It was a rough time. Strange monstrous animals roamed the earth, and according to a Jerry Colonna vulture, it was when men wanted big chests, babies were born with lots more hair, and women felt they only needed fig leaves to be dressed. They truly were wonderful days.

Living in cave number 123 1/2, is my pig, Porky. He starts his morning the way any caring pet owner does, by giving his animal companion, Rover, a bone. Rover is some sort of hippopotasaurus. A sauropod whose head is the only part that can fit in his house. The rest of his body has no choice but to brave the elements. But he is happy enough. He wags his tail so much, that nesting mothers in trees are forced to flee and some dinosaurs lose all of their armor plating. One raptor (avian in this case) angrily takes it as this apparently happens every day.

Next, Porky goes to get his mail. He rips the bills in half (Atta boy! Stick it to the ᶜᵃᵛᵉman!) and goes for his new issue of “Expire” magazine. (Which not only advertises Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies, but has some familiar looking names on the front, like Cob Blampett, Farren Woster, and Mubby Tillar.) Seems like the new styles are here, and Porky’s suit will just not do. Club in hand, he heads off into the wilderness to do some prehistoric clothes shopping. He knows no fear. Kicking a roaring therapod in the shin and breaking up a group of loitering nasties. He finds an adorable little kitten and does what I’m pretty sure everyone does when they see one: plans to kill it. Look at how sexy he looks! Don’t tell me you wouldn’t pose the same! Either way, the cub gets the drop on him with its own club and escapes.

Meanwhile, a saber-toothed feline of some sort is on the prowl. I’m not entirely sure what it is. Porky calls it a tiger but it has no stripes. It can’t be a species of smilodon because that tail is too long. I guess its a new species! Clampett may have discovered it, but he didn’t identify it, so it is now the Saber-toothed leopard. (Panthera clampettitus.) Seeing as it is close enough to dinner time, he tries to have some cave bacon. Porky is not scared and takes a swing. The predator is too hard headed though and chews his club into clothespins. He chases and soon corners the cave pig.

Porky apologizes saying he never meant any harm, he just wanted a new suit. (Best excuse ever. It’s kept me out of prison.) The feline says that Porky should have just said so. He can get one for him wholesale!

Personal Rating: 3, unless you’re a Porky fanboy. (Like me. Then it’s a 4.)

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Patient Porky

“Ohhh, my poor b-be-b-be-b-be- tummy!””

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Norman McCabe; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1940.

This short is based on the book “The Pains Came.”

At a hospital, we see that the floors are organized by the alphabet, leading me to believe there are 26 floors. We get some hospital gags including a paging for “Sir Jury” and a list of the days births. Not all surprisingly, the rabbits are winning with a total of 490. Proto-Bugs makes a cameo to correct the number to 750. What’s interesting is this came out after Bugs made his fully fleshed out debut in “A Wild Hare.” (But then, I’m sure both were being worked on at roughly the same time.)

One ward is under the care of Dr. Chris Chun. (No relation to the amazingly charismatic Dr. Foolio.) He checks on his patients. Poor little Olley Owl has to shout that he can’t talk above a whisper, whilst another patient gets some good news: his bones are literally knitting. Herbie the hippo is in because he swallowed a piano. Cartoon or not, why would he do that? Is this a mental ward? That would explain Crazy Cat in the next bed. (Note: Crazy with a “C”, I don’t need to be sued.) He delights in playing said piano and annoying Herbie. It can’t be good for his digestive system either.

Porky enters the scene asking for a doctor. Chun must be on lunch or something because that mentally unstable cat leaps at the chance. Introducing himself as Dr. Chilled Air, he asks the pig what’s wrong. Seems Porky ate too much at a birthday party: 3/4 of a cake with the candles still lit! (Cool!) Making like a horror film, the cat puts him in a hospital gown and happily sings about his first patient. He wheels my pal into surgery and gleefully sharpens some knives. Porky is getting rightfully freaked out, especially when the phony physician starts aiming to saw him open without any anesthesia. Making a break for it, Porky runs for home.

Unfortunately, Crazy McCutlery, is right behind. But Porky has a plan. When the maniac corners him in his bed he finds a sign on Porky’s gut: “Do not open until Christmas.” This doesn’t hold him for long though, as he hops in bed with him intending to wait. (I swear cat, if anything bad happens to my buddy, I will submit you to horrors so psychologically scarring, that you will turn sane with fear! Oh wait. This short is over seventy years old and Porky is still alive. My mistake.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Buckaroo Bugs

“He wants to play cops and robbers, eh?”

That’s a cowboy, yessir he is!

Directed by Robert Clampett; Story by Lou Lilly; Animation by M. Gould; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1944. (By the way, I love how the short feels the need to inform us that this short stars Bugs. If the title wasn’t a dead enough giveaway, Bugs’ face shows up before the title card)

Wow. A short where Bugs is the straight up villain. We’ve seen him be a trickster before, but I think this might be the only time where he is the antagonist. What’s his crime? He’s stolen all the carrots out of people’s victory gardens. (The fiend!) Only one person can stop him! (No, not Cecil Turtle.) Brooklyn’s own cowboy: Red Hot Ryder. By the way, the narrator calls Bugs a rodent, but I will correct him as rabbits are not rodents! They are lagomorphs. And this had already been established by the 1940s, thank you.

Ryder is sad to say, not my favorite opponent for Bugs. He’s a little too dumb for my tastes. Why does that bother me? Well, why did anyone think he’d be a match for Bugs? What has he done to deserve such credit? Is everyone who knows him even dumber than him? Not to mention I’m just not much of a fan of really dumb characters. You gotta work really hard to make me enjoy them. Leni Loud is a good example. Appearance wise, Ryder looks like someone made a clone out of Yosemite Sam and Captain Ollimar. That’s not a complaint though, its just an observation.

His horse won’t stop for him, so he has to club it unconscious. He begins hunting for “The Masked Marauder.” Bugs is not fazed and decides to play along with him. Using a magnet, he robs Ryder of all his coins, bullets, sheriffs star and belt buckle causing his pants to fall down. I’m pretty sure those coins shouldn’t have been magnetic, but toon magnets don’t have to follow our world’s logic. (Lucky.) Only after Bugs leaves does Ryder catch on to his identity. He asks a stranger if he’s seen the bandit. (Bugs without his mask) Bugs asks if the guy is the one who not only wears a mask like his, but robs him like so! Well, this time he takes more. Including the pin of Red’s diaper, (Wait, wasn’t he wearing ladies underwear before? I don’t get the switch.) and all the filings of Red’s teeth. (Ooh! That looks painful!)

Red confirms that that is the guy. Too bad Bugs hasn’t seen him. But he has to excuse himself to rob a train. I think? He fakes the whole thing, but then he still has loot when he comes back. And it’s not just carrots this time, but tons of war time luxuries like meat, gas and a color changing can of pineapple. He gives Ryder phony directions to go after the Marauder and the little guy heads back to his horse. He hops on and the horse runs off. Ryder however just hopped on a fence post and is yet to discover he’s not moving. (Best part of the short is his horse coming back and angrily waiting for him to discover he’s not moving. He doesn’t catch on.)

The horse glues him to the saddle and they’re off! Bugs trips the two and then disguises himself as a telegram deliverer. He gives Ryder an insulting poem whose last line is censored. Ryder is too dumb to figure it out. And then they teleport back to where this started. I’m not joking! That’s totally the same background! Bug’s hole is there and everything! Bugs tells Ryder where the Marauder went which was apparently over steadily increasing-in-size gorges. The one the horse can’t make it over is the Grand Canyon, and the two plummet down. Ending up underground, Red finally deduces that Bugs and the Marauder were one and the same. Bugs confirms this and gives him a kiss.

All in all, I don’t hate this short. But I’m just not a fan of Red. If I had written it, he’d have had no publicity and just be some guy Bugs stole from and he was trying to get revenge. Clampett, I love ya, but this was my least favorite of your work.

Personal Rating: 3. I have to be fair. I don’t think people will dislike it for the reason I do.

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Señorella and the Glass Hurache

“Size 4 and 5/8.

All the pretty girls in love with Jose.

Directed by Hawley Pratt; Story by John Dunn; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy, Bob Matz, Virgil Ross, and Lee Halpern; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Effects Animation by Harry Love; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc and Tom Holland; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. Released in 1964.

This is the last short that was produced by the old studio before Depatie and Freleng made their own. It features the new opening titles that started with “Now Hear This” and have since become associated with the later shorts.

At Casa de Tacos (IHOT) two guys see an advertisement for this very story. The one on the left has never heard of it, so his compadre fills him in on the sad story. The girl of said story has a pretty crappy life. Not only is she bossed around by her “strap-mother and strap-seesters” but she has to sleep in the fireplace to actually get warm. At least her Disney counterpart got an actual bed!

Her only friends are what the narrator calls bugs, but I don’t because not all insects are bugs. They’re are good “bugs” (Cockroaches who help her with her cleaning. That’s nice of them to go against their nature.) and bad bugs. We’re not told what those are, but they must be parasites as she scratches herself when they are brought up. This could lead them to be fleas (also not bugs) or bedbugs. (Actually bugs!) I’m not too sure which they are though. She doesn’t sleep in a bed, but bedbugs are real bugs and you get a bit of fun wordplay with them. (The bedbugs are badbugs.) Fish aren’t the only animals I know about. But I digress…

A man named Don Miguel (Did Mexico ever have kings at any point? I’ll just say he’s a mayor.) wishes for his son, Jose, to marry. But his son would rather fight bulls all day. So Don flat out states that a fiesta will be held and every eligible senorita will be attending. Well, one won’t be. As all the ladies get prettied up, our titular character looks forward to a night with the cucarachas. But her fairy godmother shows up and turns a cart into a car and the insects into burros. Because she didn’t have anything to turn into fossil fuels, I guess. And not only does she give ‘Ella a smokin’ new outfit, complete with glass huaraches, but plastic surgery too! Why else would her nose change like that? Jose has standards, you know. And she is sent off with the usual midnight curfew.

Jose meanwhile, is not impressed by the army of identical clones and two uggs that dance by. (The rose is this scene really should have been a black outline or something. The petals disappear into the background.) But when our main character comes out he is smitten! They dance until the clock strikes twelve and she dashes off leaving behind one of her shoes. Jose vows to marry whoever fits it! And he’s not shy about letting you know if you aren’t the girl he was looking for. As he has you leave out of the exit labeled “rejects.”

At Casa de titular character, the “strap mother” does not wish for her “strap daughter” to have a chance at wedded bliss, so she dumps her into the pig pen. Jose is saddened to find his mystery mate isn’t here either, but what’s that he see’s out the window? A leg! And it fits the shoe! But could his mystery woman really be a pig? Of course not. That’s something I would put into a cartoon. She is the very same girl he fell in love with. Though her clothes disappeared, her plastic surgery was permanent. (Jose has standards!) They are married and the narrator concludes his story.

But wait! Why was it sad? (Other than cockroaches continuing to be mislabeled as bugs?) Oh that concerns the “strap mother.” Our narrator married her.

Personal Rating: 2. It’s a whimper, not a bang.

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Red Riding Hoodwinked

“EEE! The big bad putty-tat!”

HEY GRANDMA! I BROUGHT A LITTLE BIRD FOR YOU! TA HAVE!

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Arthur Davis, Gery Chiniquy, and Ted Bonnicksen; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Music by Milt Franklyn. Released in 1955.

Quite the interesting way to start this tale! Ms. Foray tells about the hood of all things. It was worn by a girl, so they called her Red Riding Hood. (The hood meanwhile was named “Girl inside my body”) On this day, Red is going to visit her grandmother and is bringing her a gift. Namely, Tweety. This gets the attention of Sylvester who was in the middle of feasting on Trash Scraps TM. The girl gets on the bus with the cat following. (And crashing into a post since he wasn’t looking where he was going.)

As is the case with nearly all buses, it drops her off with still a distance to go and she skips through the woods the rest of the way. She is being watched by the Big Bad Wolf. (I thought that was the wolf from the 3 pigs story.) With quite the terrible memory as he needs a sign (that comes out of nowhere) to be clued in on her name. (Then again, how would he know her name in the first place? Has he tried this before?) She tells him of her plans before being on her way again. The wolf decides to take the shortcut to Granny’s place. (Why didn’t Red take it?) Along the way, he sends Sylvester a glare that warns him to keep out of his way. (“Now where was I going again? Oh yeah, Grandma’s house.”)

Since he took the shortcut he is the first to get there and shoves Granny out. (And I do mean Granny. It’s not some generic old woman in this tale.) He finds Sylvester already in the bed. (Somehow.) Then Red arrives and knowing that Sylvester could easily tip her off that something is amiss, has him hide under the bed. (He needs him nearby as he still can’t quite remember the kid’s name.) Red comes in to show her gift. A canary is hardly a meal for a wolf, so he has her place it on the ground. There, Tweety asks why the old woman is also under the bed.

Knowing that everyone has heard the dialogue before and knows it by heart, Red makes all her observations in one statement. The wolf and cat reveal who they really are and give chase. Sylvester accidentally slams a door on the wolf and brings him to with some water. Instead of being grateful, the wolf beats him with the pail. This allows their prey to make a getaway. They chase them outside, but the two cleverly run back in and lock the door. The wolf goes to the back and tries to break down that door, while Sylvester begins nailing a rubber band to the front. The wolf finally gets in the back way, and goes to let Sylvester in, (Guess he’s realized that the cat isn’t trying to eat girl meat and could actually make a decent ally.) just as Sylvester launches a rock at the non-budging door.

While he checks to make sure his pal is okay, the girl and the bird make a retreat to the bus stop, getting on a bus. The predators run faster than the vehicle to the next stop leaving their prey all but trapped. The bus stops for them and they shove past each other to get in. Then are immediately punched off by the bus driver, Granny herself. Don’t ever come between a grandmother and her granddaughter/pet.

Personal Rating: 3

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Goldimouse and the Three Cats

“I don’t like porridge. I want a mouse!”

Directed by Friz Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Virgil Ross, Art Davis, and Gerry Chiniquy; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. Released in 1960

Once there were three cats. A father, a mother and a spoiled brat. They were going to eat the unknown food known as porridge, but found it’s temperature not to their liking. They decide to go for a walk while it cools. (I guess the mother’s just out of luck, seeing as hers already was too cold.) Junior (In a cute looking coonskin cap.) complains about his diet and whines for a mouse. Sylvester tells him no as there are no mice around.

Speak of the devil, a little blonde rodent named Goldimouse happens upon their meals and eats. Full of whatever porridge is made of, she goes to find a bed to sleep on. Sylvester’s is so hard she bounces off it. The mother’s (this is the only short where Junior has a mother of any kind) is so soft she sinks into it. She finds Junior’s to her liking and falls asleep. (Wasn’t it nice of his parents to give him a mat that says “Spoiled Brat” to put next to his bed so it would be the first thing he sees in the morning?)

The cats come home and find empty bowls, and mussed up beds. Junior is delighted to find a mouse on his. (I think she got bigger. Too much porridge?) She wakes up and leaps onto Sylvester in fright. This results in my favorite line Junior has ever said: “Put her on the plate, Pop! Put her on the plate!” Goldi escapes and Junior bawls. To shut him up, Sylvester pokes his head in to grab her but she mallets his skull. Junior wears a bag in shame.

Sylvester tries launching an arrow, but launches himself. Junior tells his mom to bring the thing. (A plunger.) He tries a blow gun but Goldi blows it back to him. (Did she shrink?) Junior tells his mom to get some band-aids. Sylvester tries to lure her out with TNT stuffed cheese. It might have worked if Junior hadn’t startled him into falling on it. He calls for mother again. (She’s no Ma bear. Even at her most deadpan, Ma was entertaining. This cat just sounds bored.)

Sylvester builds a hammer like device that will bonk the mouse when she exits her hole. (By this point, Junior is considering just eating the porridge) Of course, Sylvester is the one who gets flattened. While he works on his next scheme, mother and son are reading. (Or faking it. Their eyes aren’t open) While he works, they silently head out to a bomb shelter. One explosion later and Sylvester returns. Junior asks if he got his breakfast and Sylvester pours porridge on his spoiled brat’s head. Bon appetite!

Personal Rating: 3

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Paying the Piper

“And th-th-there’s what’s left of the last rat.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Manny Gould, John Carey, Charles McKimson, and Phil DeLara; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1949.

Today is the Summer Solstice, which means it’s been at least four months since my fight with my good pal, Porky. I went to him recently and asked what it would take to earn his forgiveness. He’s a good guy and he didn’t ask for much: Just a short starring him that ends with him being the victor being talked about. Done and done! (Or it will be in about one summary later.)

The town of Hamelin has been cleared of rats. Good news, right? Not for the cats of the town. (It’s not like they could eat mice or birds or fish or lizards or…) They go to complain to the supreme cat. (Just like their wild cousins the lions, domestic cats have a monarchy.) Supreme there looks familiar doesn’t he? He looks an awful lot like the cat who would appear about seven months later in “Swallow the leader.” But since they are calling him “Supreme”, maybe he is just Miles’s brother. Anyway, he vows to help his people. The piper who got rid of the mice is going to get paid. But if for some reason there was still at least one rat in the town, he’d get gypped. Putting on a rat suit he heads out.

Said piper is none other than Porky. Playing a rather catchy rendition of “Little Brown Jug” he was able to successfully drive the rodents away. All except that large one. (Who asks if they were expecting Bugs Bunny.)  The mayor refuses to pay until it’s gone, and so Porky sets off. You know how in the original story, the mayor refuses to pay the piper anything and so said piper just drives the children out of town? Don’t think Porky isn’t bass enough to do that too. He’s just a nice guy.

Porky loses track of the rodent, instead bumping into some rude cat who says the pig’s sister “smokes corn silk.” (What?) Porky mentions that he’s wrong. His sister works in a butcher shop and smokes hams. Make of that what you will. Finding a labeled rat hole, Porky tries to lure it out. He gets scolded by the cat for bothering a sick baby. (“I’m not long for this world.”) The rat then shows up and whips his tail at the pig. Porky chases again, but loses him once more.

He tries luring him out again, and the rat pretends to fall for it. But when Porky notices it’s not following him anymore he runs back and crashes into the cat again. This time he remarks that Porky’s brother “eats jellybeans.” Porky wonders how he knows so much about his family. (That’s just one fact though. He got the other one wrong, didn’t he?) When Porky does manage to grab the rat, Supreme jumps out of the suit, leaving the piper with an empty skin. Porky has killed it! But supreme has stolen all the cash in town. (Which is Porky’s new reward. He’s earned it.)

Losing the slippery feline again, Porky “figures” he might as well bring the rats back. Or rather he plays the very specific record that I left for him to find: “Rat stampede to fool cats on the other side of the fence with.” Taking the bait, Supreme rushes out to what’s sure to be a feast. Porky pounds him and gets his money. But not before telling the cat that his sister “… drives a pickle wagon.” (Yeah! Tell him! It makes sense when you say it!)

Personal Rating: 3

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Bewitched Bunny

“She is a witch, and means to eat you for her supper.”

Directed by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Lloyd Vaughan, Ken Harris, and Ben Washam; Layouts by Maurice Noble; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1954.

Chuck Jones must’ve really enjoyed the Disney character, Witch Hazel from the 1952 short “Trick or Treat”, and so he would create his own, and this was her first appearance. (Let’s be honest. His has way more personality)

Bugs is reading the story of Hansel and Gretel. Much to his surprise, he finds he’s become part of the story and has just come to the part where the witch invites the kids into her gingerbread house. (It doesn’t look like gingerbread, but let’s be fair: it wouldn’t last long if it really was.) The kids are your stereotypical German kids, and as such they have thick accents and hefty appetites. They accept her offer for more food and follow her inside. This looks like a job for the masked Avenger! (Iron man?) But since he’s not around, Bugs’ll have to do.

Inside, the kids are chowing down and are oblivious to the fact they are sitting in a large pan. Hazel (who is not voice by June Foray in this short, but rather Bea Bennederet) is glancing over the various dishes she can make with the kids. (Urchin Pie is a great delicacy, speaking personally.) Bugs arrives dressed as a truant officer and finds the kids. (He also realizes what a weird name Hansel is.) He warns them of their impending fate and they waste no time believing him and hightail it out of there. Personally, I’d stick around. This house is cool! Look at that decor! The window curtains are painted on, and there’s a picture of a boat labeled: witchcraft. (Genius!)

Bugs takes off his disguise as he accomplished his mission. But it might have been better to wait until he was outside as Hazel decides to have a rabbit dinner instead. She mounts her broom (that channels the spirit of Charlie Chaplin) but crashes. Good thing she is a witch. Magic works wonders! And she happens to have several sleeping potions on standby. (Did you know that worm sweat residue is one?) She cooks up a brew and fills up a carrot with it. (She has a jar of nice on the shelf. If she only wasn’t out of sugar and spice. She could make her own girls from scratch.) Bugs catching a whiff of food cooking comes in and delivers my favorite line he has ever said: “I get to lick the po-ot! I get to lick the po-ot!” Hysterical.

Hazel shoos him out while she finishes. She then finishes. Bugs sits down to dine while she prepares a bed for him. Bet you didn’t know that Rabbits sleep in piles of root vegetables. Upon learning the carrot he ate was poisoned, he falls asleep. (No it wasn’t. Drugged maybe, but not poisoned. Hazel doesn’t want to die.) Hazel goes to get some relish. (You can’t eat rabbit without relish. It’d be like eating urchin pie without gravy.) And then a handsome prince arrives. Or at least what many girls consider handsome. I’m heterosexual so I’m not sure. He awakes Bugs with a kiss. The rabbit is grateful, but points out he should be looking for Snow White. (The prince for the record also realizes what a weird name Hansel is.)

Hazel resumes the chase and Bugs appears to be trapped. Finding some magic powder that is to only be used in emergencies, he hurls it at her. She turns into a rabbit doe, and the hallway gets a romantic makeover. Bugs immediately falls head over heels for her. As they walk away, Bugs take note of our obviously skeptical faces. He knows it may be a little creepy, but then, aren’t all women witches inside? (Please note: The views expressed by Mister Bugs Bunny do not accurately reflect the opinions of the author of this blog. Only some women are truly witches. However one thing we all can agree on is this: Hansel is a weird name.)

Personal Rating: 3