Category: Robert McKimson

Anything created by the man responsible for a loud-mouthed rooster, designing the ideal Bugs Bunny and teaching Americans about marsupials.

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A Fox in a Fix

“Ooh! You evil genius, you!”

Daffy dog and egg head.

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Rod Scribner, Phil DeLara, Charles McKimson, Emery Hawkins, John Carey, and J.C. Melendez; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on January 20, 1951.

The lights on the farm are out, which makes it the perfect time for sneaking. A fox I’m calling Chum descends down with a sack. Either he’s prone to hyperventilation, or he comes to pillage poultry. It’s the latter, and it’s hard to blame him. Freshly snatched hens taste way better than the dead ones at your local grocery stores. They’re also susceptible to fainting spells, so there’s hardly any struggle. There’s also the old ‘chickens wearing bloomers under their feathers’ bit, but it’s barely on screen, so I barely laugh.

As he leaves, he gets caught by that bulldog who features in McKimson shorts, with a great bit of reaction animation. (Although the fog is a little distracting.) In his usual passive-aggressive tone, he talks to Chum. He understands that foxes like chickens, but seeing as how he’s the watchdog, it’d look bad if he didn’t do his job. Chum was just lucky he didn’t trespass on one of those places where he’d be slapped around. (As the dog thusly demonstrates.) All things considered, he gets off relatively unharmed, with just getting tossed off the premises. (Caniformia privilege means no penalties.)

Chum vows to get his dinner and comes up with a brilliant idea! Sharing a common ancestor means it will be easy to disguise himself as a Canis familiaris. Then, the watchdog won’t automatically evict him on site. Just got to shave some of the bushier bits, and WHAMMO! Instant foxhound! To really sell the illusion, he’ll have to prove he’s not nocturnal by entering during the dangerous daylight hours. Then, he’ll play up a sob story of being a hard-luck dog who is dying of starvation, thirst, and rabies.

It doesn’t work, but it does. That means that the watchdog knows exactly who it is because he operates on smell rather than sight. Whoops. However, he doesn’t let on, and invites Chum to stick around for a while. Even offers to share his food pellets. Being domesticated is worth it alone for the “meals”. The chickens seem to like him; being creatures that operate on sight rather than smell. Love the tension on Chum’s face as he tries his darnedest to fight his predatory urges.

Now one of the pack, Chum tries getting what he came for. The watchdog stops him with an offer: why not become a watchdog himself? He could get a real home, with a real purpose, and all the pellets he could eat! The watchdog even offers to train him. They’ll start with lesson one: watchdogs attack burglars. Teaching will be taught via role play. Chum will be the dog; dog, the burglar. Chum complies and learns lesson two in the process: burglars carry bits of lead pipe that they crush dog craniums with.

Lesson three is one anyone could do, even you: fetching a stick. A very important part of watchdoggery, to be sure. How else would you know to bring back whatever is left of a burglar after you’ve massacred them? Makes excellent fertilizer. Chum passes with flying colors, of course. His reward is to do it again! The best teachers are the ones who can disguise the fact they’re teaching you at all. Thus, the watchdog sends Chum after a lit dynamite stick to demonstrate lesson four: burglars will trick you if you don’t kill them fast enough.

Chum has survived his first day of training, so it’s time for well deserved rest. That watchdog must be very sure of his safety, if he’s willing to share his sleeping quarters. But then, maybe Chum can’t revenge murder on an empty stomach. With his nemesis bedding down for the night, Chum goes to the coop once more. He gets his prize, but the watchdog is always on duty and stops him again. Chum decides to literally pull the ‘somnambulist card’ which states that you DON’T wake a sleepwalker. He could be very embarrassed.

Chum exits the premises, and now I love the chicken’s “what’s the use in struggling/is this real” expression. Chum lets her go when he eyes a much meatier prize: one of those cassowary sized birds that isn’t even a cassowary. Boot camp WAS worth it! But lesson five is to not be greedy, and he failed that one. Non-silent chicken is dog! (Chum’s shadow disappears. I know that’s common at night, but I still felt it worth mentioning.) Knowing there’s no way out of this, Chum flees and hitches a ride before he has to hear any more lessons.

Turns out lesson six was really important. It’s to not hitch rides with strangers. Otherwise you might find yourself a fox in a furriers truck. They operate by smell too you know.

Favorite Part: Chum’s run when he has to play along with the lesson plan. It’s reluctant, disgusted, humiliated and really sells the image of a child who is being forced to play with a younger sibling.

Personal Rating: 3. High 3.

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Daffy Doodles

“I hate that d-d-duck.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on April 16, 1946.

The first for Robert! And you know what? He deserves it. He’d been there since the beginning and would stick to the end. With that said, I do have to admit he’s my least favorite of the “big” directors. He just didn’t have many pictures that really wowed me the way the others’ did.

There’s a demon on the loose in the city. Their words, not mine. The narrator isn’t even sure what they look like. It could be me, but it isn’t. It could be you, but you’re better than that. What little information we do have is what the fiend is up to: putting mustaches on all the ads. I’d say that’s minor at best, and pretty childish. But it is graffiti. Funny graffiti that would probably make the populace notice your sign more, but I’m not the law.

The title was on to something! Daffy is indeed the one doing this. We’ve all got our purposes in life. Mine is to make people glad they’re not me, yours is to tell me I’m more than that, and Daffy’s is to paint. It’s niche, but it’s what he’s good at. You wouldn’t ask Dali to paint a still life of ham and swiss and not expect him to make each hole on the cheese a mouth and the meat covered in snails that have crab shells, would you?

The city’s finest better be called in to deal with this. And that means a guy who is a pig literally and figuratively. Porky fits. (And I’m sorry if you find me calling a cop a pig rude. You must not know how I feel about pigs.) His plan is to hold a picture frame around his face, and not move. No blinking, breathing, swallowing or twitching. At least he’s mastered not sweating. Daffy isn’t so easily fooled, being a master of his profession and all. He just leaves a box in front of Porky with the typical “Do not open until Xmas”. But that’s this week, and Porky won’t be around then, so it’s logical to look now.

Daffy was in the box and gives Porky a ‘stache. And it looks amazing! Rugged, manly, sexy, tough… these are all fine words, but I chose ‘amazing’. Porky gives chase, but Daffy is able to lose him by playing porter and getting Porky into a subway car. Now that he’s gotten a taste for painting flesh, Daffy holds out his brush to give every passenger a lip tickler. Daring choice giving an infant the Hitler look. Poor Chaplin. You will never be anybody’s first guess unless they’re trying to misdirect others.

The downside to Daffy’s hobby is that he’s easy to track. Just follow the latest line of mustaches. They’re on the pictures of the stars at the theater. (The one on Bugs is a nice touch. And a hint of their relationship in the future.) Daffy then sees the largest billboard ever. Don’t point me to a bigger one and ruin my amazement. This will be great. Bigger is better! And better art is a masterpiece! Daffy sets to work, but Porky spots him up there and gets in position. As Daffy swings about painting, Porky pastes him on the head with his club. That’s more success than Wile E. ever had!

Daffy threatens to jump off if Porky comes nearer. Porky comes nearer and Daffy jumps. When Porky peeks over, Daffy, on the ledge just below, paints him again. It really suits you, man! Either grow a real one or pay the artist for his service already! The chase resumes along the building. Nice camera work! Daffy is even willing grab a hold of his pursuer when he loses his balance. Of course, that’s so he can turn the tables and chase Porky on a motorcycle. It’s great exercise!

The chase leads back on to the roof and the two fall through a skylight. In the rubble, Porky lends new meaning to the term “handlebar mustache”. Daffy makes his escape via the mail tube, and Porky goes looking for him at the corresponding mailbox. Being Daffy, he comes back to berate the officer for looking through the mail and slaps some cuffs on him. Now right where Porky wants him, he gets another bonk on the head and is taken to court.

Daffy pleads to the judge. He’s made some mistakes in his life, but isn’t the guilt punishment enough? He’s willing to make a fresh start if the law will just give him the chance. It’s all up to the jury. Said jury is a hive mind of Jerry Colonas. Maybe they’re convinced, maybe they’re just trying to indoctrinate more vessels to feed his majesty, the Jerry-rig. Whatever the reason, Daffy is grateful and vows to never paint another mustache. He’s got to keep up with the times, and fashion says beards are in!

Wait a minute! It didn’t say anything about fourth walls! HHEEAALLPP!

Favorite Part: Daffy pleading with the judge and remarking that he too might be a maniac someday. If I’m ever on trial, I’m going to try that.

Personal Rating: 3. Welcome aboard, the U.S.S. McKimson! We’ll be having plenty of chicken and visits to Australia!

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A Squeak in the Deep

“Well whaddya know? A yah-chit race.”

Always wanted to do a sea epic.

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Sid Marcus; Animation by Bob Matz, Manny Perez, Norm McCabe, George Grandpre, Ted Bonnicksen, and Warren Batchelder; Layouts by Dick Ung; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Eugene Marks; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Walter Greene. A Looney Tune released on July 19, 1966.

That’s ‘yacht race’ for those of you who don’t speak Daffy. A race TO Hawaii. Liability waivers are included, right? You really think every entrant can sail that good? Not to mention the provisions needed… It sounds like a bad idea to me. And really, there’s no need for me to enter. I’ve been to Hawaii before. Well, the state, not the island. It still scratched any tropical itch I might have had. I’ll sit this one out. Not like I’d have any use for 6,000 pesos anyway.

I’m not talented at math, but I also get the feeling that getting a watercraft, and those previously mentioned provisions would cost more than the prize. But Daffy plays for the love of the greed. Speedy also plans to enter, but he’s got a more practical reason: money buys cheese, and a goodly amount of money buys a greatly amount of cheese. You’d think Daffy wouldn’t take Speedy seriously, but he knows by now the mouse is crafty. He shoves him into a can and kicks him away, saying he won’t be competing. Speedy’s competing, then?

Race Day! And are there any rules? I mean, that entrant is using a motor whereas the most of the rest are using sails. And don’t you need sails to be a yacht? Yacht’a know, right? Daffy’s craft is humble. That’s not me being too polite. No, calling Speedy’s ride humble is too polite. It’s a bathtub! How’d he even get that here? How does he get his nose to change color like that? The contest begins and Daffy actually manages to get a good lead. And he’s one of the sail users! Toon wind is powerful stuff!

It’s not long before Speedy outpaces the duck, so Daffy pulls his plug, making a sub out of the tub. Because there are plenty of carp-enters under the sea, Speedy returns in a paddle boat. (It’s a cartoon, are you really going to point out carp are freshwater? When that’s my job?) He runs along the paddles to make it go, which is really smart with his speed. And the little flag is adorable! The only thing it lacks is an anchor, but Daffy allows him to borrow his. It’s not on the proper scale, so it works too well.

Speedy next utilizes our pollution to aid him. One of the myriad of helium balloons that end up in our oceans carries him back to Daffy’s craft. We really do use too much plastic, though. Don’t buy a 3D printer. He tells Daffy that they should team-up. If they do, then they can split the prize! Daffy has no need for that, his head cel is already split from his torso background! Wow. I really mean that. You can interpret it further if you wish. Speedy hides from Daffy in a pipe, and sprays Daffy off the boat when he peeks in.

When Daffy’s had enough, he chases Speedy with a baseball bat. Speedy keeps taking it away and bashing him from different portholes. (They’re still called that on the starboard side, right?) Daffy tries entering one of the holes to get him, but gets himself stuck. Speedy paddles him good before stating his deal once more. Daffy refuses, so Speedy bats butt again. Daffy gives in, but he’s not budging on the 50-50 part. Speedy can have a smaller share and like it! Speedy still holds all the cards though, and Daffy is soon agreeing to his terms.

Partners help partners, so Speedy gets Daffy out of the hole, and Daffy can use his flippered feet to propel them along. I like their odds. That shark is great for motivation!

Favorite Part: When Daffy is thrown into the water, a curious fish needs to be shooed off. The second time this happens, he gets rid of it with a face that is so ridiculous and childish that it evolves into genuinely funny.

Personal Rating: 2.

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There Auto be a Law

“The automobile is the American’s prized possession.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Phil DeLara, Charles McKimson, Herman Cohen, and Rod Scribner; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on June 6, 1953.

I don’t much care for cars. They pollute and are too difficult for me to control. I’d learn, but the rest of the world would need to slow down and have a little patience. It’d be much easier to eat my way out of a bowhead whale. In one sitting, yet. But yeah, cars is our focus today. Not the Pixar series that everyone hates too much. (No seriously, “2” is a pretty good film.) Car gags, car jokes, and a car toon. Now that I’ve made the most obvious and trite one, we can see what the professionals have come up with.

We begin with a brief history of the motorized land vehicle. They were originally invented to be a horse that didn’t eat plant-based food. The name ‘Horseless cariage’ seemed a good fit, so they were named thusly. You could whip them just like a horse, so it wasn’t a difficult adjustment. But some cars were more stubborn, and would require four hands to get it moving. (Shoving.) Speaking of, the animation gets really jerky. What happened, Bob? Should I blame Herman?

As is the way of the human, they would get bored with current designs and constantly feel a need to update what was well enough left alone. Okay, so the windshield was an improvement. And the heater. The cup holders too. Everything else was extraneous. The suckers never stopped being expensive, but everyone and their dead relatives wanted one and couldn’t be denied. This led to the invention of something totally unexpected, the traffic jam. Sometimes it’s because of a wreck, sometimes it’s just a manner of too many drivers. This time: it’s a woman reapplying her make-up. (Hey! We know you!)

To try and keep things moving smoothly and quickly, highways were invented. Basic ones with little imagination, to full on clover-leafs. Those are expansive enough to get lost in, and such is the fate of an unlucky driver I’m gonna call Preston. He pulls over at the convenient hamburger stand for directions. If he keeps to the right, he should get out okay. Awfully decent of that man. I’d have said directions only come free with a purchase of a combo meal.

Sometimes roads would need to be built across bodies of water, and tolls would be charged to cross. It’s half price today, because the bridge is half built. You know, I might have called this my favorite part in the narration didn’t explain the punchline. We can see the joke. I’d be willing to let it get as far as saying “Oh, that’s why!” But please, respect my intelligence, and acknowledge my existence. (You really need two people to believe anything before there’s a possibility of it being true.)

Intersections can be scary. Especially the one’s located in Wile E.’s desert. You get in a wreck here, you lose your car and become more closely acquainted with the elements than is comfortable. Our driver stops carefully, looks both ways, then proceeds at an appropriate speed level. One of those people who think they are above fair rules drives right through him. The elements get their prize this time. But the real problem here is: Did Preston get off the loop safely?

He has not. He asks the burger man again and he’s still happy to help. Though, he says to go a different direction and keep left this time. Something wrong here! Maybe it’s as simple as getting kicks from sending people the wrong way, maybe it’s a devious punishment for not buying a delicious burger. Those cows died for you, you know. You really want to tell their calves that mommy died for no reason? No, veal isn’t an option.

We have cars that are good enough for a daily drive about town, but if its speed you need, you’d do better to look into a hot rod. These cars get rid of the all the junk that was just slowing them down, and allows you to attempt a new speed record. 130 mph isn’t too bad, but better can be done. That horseless carriage that goes by whip power humbles you good! It was fast enough to go through time, so you don’t have a chance. Just an overbite.

Parking spaces are where cars go to nap when you have no need of them for the moment. Some people make a decent living placing your vehicle in them while you spend your time entering buildings, getting on subways, and switching cars to avoid the cops. It takes finesse and skill. And not letting the customer notice you can scrunch their car width-wise to make sure it would fit. But there’s some decent folks in the world too. Those who will actually let you siphon gas. Don’t swallow it. It gives you carpox.

Preston pulls over one more time to see if the third time is the charm. Finally, the burger man admits the truth: he never knew how to get off this loop and has been stuck here for a decade. That’s why he built this stand; to fend off starvation. You’ll notice he doesn’t advertise his burgers as  being made of beef. It’s a good thing Preston was the second person who got stuck here today. At least now he’ll have someone to talk to. With no other option, Preston opens a topping stand. When that time traveler’s whip arm wears out, they’ll be just what he needs.

Favorite Part: A man taking careful measurements to be absolutely certain his car will fit into a garage. (Owned by Ken Harris, no less.) This could go several ways: it still doesn’t fit, he puts two cars in, he crashes, or he could really throw a loop and drive away. The right answer: he drives through two trees that weren’t growing far apart enough to pass through.

Personal Rating: 3. I’d like to give it a four, as its one of the stronger gag shorts, but I feel like that’s being a bit too generous. Just pretend I use decimal points and call it a 3.5.

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Ducking the Devil

“I juthst gotta have that 5 g’ths!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by George Grandpre and Ted Bonnicksen; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Bill Butler; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on August 17, 1957.

A Taz cartoon without Bugs! The only one in fact! And probably my favorite to boot! Let’s dig in!

That armored vehicle isn’t going to any bank. Its cargo is far and away more valuable. (But less deadly.) This truck is en route to the zoo to deliver the latest exhibit: a Tasmanian Devil. The keeper tries to keep the beast under control with his poking trident, but the brute not only bites it apart, he escapes from his delivery crate. The patrons need a moment to take it in before realizing this is a perfect panic scenario. They flee en masse, and I’m glad to say there were zero casualties. Well, on the devil’s part. Some were trampled in the mobs.

Important stories like this are fit to print, and Daffy reads about it in his paper. He’s never heard of such an animal, but the article fills him in on the important stuff. It’s powerful and perpetually hungry, and fancies wild duck above all other game. But we in the zoological field know that its favorite food is really whatever is co-staring at the moment. Daffy is a little disturbed, but piles on the bravado by claiming he is no coward.

Taz recycles his way over for the second time in the year! It’s a fine enough part to be proud of, but it could have also been fun to see what new things Taz could spin through. He’s got two more chances before we’ll have gone through his entire filmography. I know the outcome, but I’ll stay mum on it just in case you’re going to be patient enough to find out what it is in time. Daffy admits to being a coward and tries to hide under the water. Sea devils aren’t as vicious as the land ones.

She-sea devil
Of course, I could be wrong.

Insatiable hunger is bosom buddies with insatiable thirst, and Taz downs the whole pond. As is convenient for the plot, Daffy forgets he can fly and flees on feet. He catches his breath at Hamburger Center and overhears the radio stating that a reward is being offered to get the cowardly populace to take action. This is the grand poobah of invasive species here, wimps. And he’s way too valuable to just put down. Plus, our modern medicines can help prevent him from ever getting DFT.

Daffy is sold the minute cash is brought up. I like that his greed outweighs his fear. The only problem is how he’s going to get the creature back since they’re at least ten miles away. (Oh, excuse me, those of you who use metric. That equals to 52,800 feet.) Well, the radio has an answer to that problem too! The Tasmanian Devil becomes docile when exposed to music. And for the longest time, I always though that was just an established bit of Taz lore. That’s because after seeing this short as a kid, I saw this:

Two different instances. It had to be a well known fact.

Daffy alerts the Devil to his presence and tries to turn the radio back on. He turned it off for the sake of this joke, you understand. And said joke gives it a bit of trouble in trying to find the music station again. (Love that “YIPPEE!” Think I heard that used in a “Humongous Entertainment” title once.) He gets the tunes at the last possible moment, and it works like a charmed animal. Taz is putty in this attack pause. Daffy leads him back.

They don’t make it too far. The cord comes unplugged and Taz reverts to his carnivorous ways. Daffy mails away for a trombone. The instrument I’d most likely believe was invented by a Toon. He can play it well, but loses the slide part when it gets caught in tree branches. So he next ties some bagpipes. This does jack all because the radio said Tasmanian Devils are soothed by music. (That’s an awesome joke. See why this one is my fave?)

Well, there’s only one other alternative. Daffy isn’t a songbird, but he starts singing all the same. Wouldn’t you know it? Works like a char- yeah, I’m not typing that again. Time to get movin’ right along! Ten miles isn’t the farthest you can walk, (I’d wager that would be the length from Portugal to Russia.) but have you ever tried to sing the entire length? Daffy’s voice is starting to waver by mile 7. You can feel the discomfort in his larynx. Mel, why haven’t they written one of those “Who is/was?” books about you yet? You’re more amazing than every human being who isn’t you.

Daffy manages to get Taz back to the zoo and back in his prison. Then, yes, Daffy actually gets his mitts on some money. Another reason why I hold this one high.

Favorite Part: What comes right after. Daffy is counting his wad, but he drops the final bill and Taz grabs it for himself. Without hesitation, the duck rushes in to the enclosure and gives the devil a thrashing to within an inch of his life. Bugs has to rely on his wits. Daffy just beat up the mammalian equivalent of an atom bomb. His greed might just rival Wario’s.

Personal Rating: 4. Especially when standing next to the other Taz shorts. This really stands  out as a deviant.

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Fox-Terror

“Well, boll, ah-say, boll my weevil!”

That’s the biggest chick-en, ever he seen!

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Keith Darling, George Grandpre, and Ted Bonnicksen; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Bob Majors; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling, Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on May 11, 1957.

There’s an alarm going off in the chicken coop! I bet it was a fox, because there’s one vacating the premises now! Barnyard rushes over to the one who pulled the alarm, some young rooster. Barnyard doesn’t take him too seriously, because he’s just a kid with adult plumage. Doesn’t help that the little guy can’t use any big-boy words. The Dawg interprets the squawks as asking for a drink of water. Water is delicious and all that, but why even have the alarm if you won’t take it seriously? Has he cried fox before?

Foghorn has no interest in pranks today. He aims to go fishing. Roosters love fish! They’re basically the same animal in different biomes. The foxy rascal catches sight, and hatches an idea. Nothing as dumb as trying to eat the bird willingly walking off the premises, (he’s 65% salmonella from all his fishing) no, his plan requires donning a disguise that makes him look like he deals in cocaine, and telling Foggy point blank that he isn’t going fishing. He should take the local hunting dog and go hunting. Roosters love the power that comes from wielding a fire arm, and goes to fetch B.D.

Barnyard resists, saying he has to continue to guard. (Leading me to believe that he’d love to go if he had free time. It’s what he was bred for, after all.) The fox tries to get some dinner, (That green hen doesn’t look ripe enough.) but the little rooster from before pulls the cord again, and the Pavlovian treatment gets Barnyard to rush back, dragging Foghorn behind him. Foghorn gets slammed into a birdhouse, and that just kinda kills his urge to hunt. It really would be weird; him being classified as a game bird, and all. And seeing as there’s no fox, Barnyard gets the kid more water. Hydrate to feel great!

The fox already has a new scheme. Playing game show host, he ushers Foghorn into a booth with two buzzers. Here’s the question: he’s got to recite the poem that contains the words “red” and “blue” and, once he’s got it figured out, recite it, pushing the buzzers when he mentions the hues. That’s too vague! I mean my answer was:

The color of burns and embarrassment, sure, but also luscious, ripe apples and good cuts of meat. Stop for the fist hue of the rainbow and bow: red. On the other extreme: cool, calming, and collected. A friendly sky, a majestic ocean, and animals you should not ingest. You shouldn’t feel sad when you behold: blue.

And that fox had the audacity to not only say I was wrong, but that my poetry is amateurish! I can’t take criticisms if they’re wrong!

Foghorn claims that the answer goes” Roses are red…” and he pushes, unaware that the device is connected to dynamite that the fox stuck in Barnyard’s mouth. Even though he was asleep, and Foghorn is a sound-muffling room, he knows exactly the accompanying line and pushes the buzzer himself once he’s donated his explosive to Foghorn. Man, this game show has everything!

Foghorn decides to go fishing after all. The fox meanwhile, has tricked Barnyard into leaping into a magic box. It’s magic because it’s fairly large, but can be folded into a pocket sized cube. He gives it to Foghorn, claiming it to be a lucky charm for fishermen. Roosters, that is. Actually, he charges Foggy ten dollars. Helps keep up the charade, you know. All Foghorn has to do, is blow on the charm thrice, then toss it over his left shoulder. Following these directions has the charm landing in a well. Best hope you did it perfectly!

Barnyard escaped, and you’ll never know how he did it. He folds Foghorn up and toss him in the well. That’s just a really fun bit of cartoonery you don’t see unless a character has already been flattened. I like it. Foggy finally asks why Barnyard is beating him up today, as he’s been particularly kind today. (I.E. out of character.) Barnyard says he’s interfering with his guarding, but that was only the first time! Foghorn catches the real culprit entering the enclosure once more, but holds Barnyard back as he’s got a plan of his own.

The fox has cut the cord for the alarm, but the little rooster still gets it to ring by pulling the severed end. Even though, as far as the fox knows his latest scheme worked, he flees. He runs into Foggy and the Dawgy dressed up like he originally was. Knowing that everything has been figured out, he struggles to come up with an explanation, but the two aren’t hearing it. They don duelist uniforms, turn, and shoot the fox. That was just the appetizer though, they let him have a head start as they get into their next outfits: horse and fox hunter.

The hunt isn’t on though. It’s the little roosters turn to don the slicker duds and tell the two that they won’t be doing as they plan. Mainly because the cartoon is over, but also because… actually just that. The cartoon is over.

Favorite Part: Barnyard getting fed up with the kid “asking for water” and planning to just bean him with a hammer. Oh, quit whining about child abuse. 1. The kid fights hammer with hammer. 2. I’m still not even sure that’s a kid.

Personal Rating: 3

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Lighthouse Mouse

“It musst be my white-blood corpsicles!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Sid Marcus; Animation by Phil DeLara, Charles McKimson, Herman Cohen, and Rod Scribner; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Music by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on March 12, 1955.

Hippety Hopper has star billing! Makes me wonder if the audiences even knew him by name. But don’t worry, Sylvester will still be around. Although, don’t we all want to see a solo Hippety venture? It probably wouldn’t be that great, but sometimes that’s what makes something truly great. It makes sense if you’re high/pretentious.

Night on the ocean means only one major source of light: a lighthouse. It’s an imperative piece of equipment, for it prevents ships from dashing into the rocky shore of dangerous beaches. It’s also disrupting the sleep patterns of a moose that lives within it. Good thing you’re nocturnal. Problem averted. Go away. I mean, oh, the poor thing is sleep deprived. It’s only right that he unplug the beacon. A terrible loss of human life is a risk I’m willing to take.

Almost immediately, a ship crashes, losing some of its cargo in the process. But no lives! Inside, a parrot awakes the keeper to alert of the blackout. I’ve decided to call him Scott because he sounds Scott-ish. This isn’t the first time this kind of thing has happened, since he knows all too well that a moose is the culprit. Why the moose doesn’t just find a different place to live, or kill the keeper is beyond me. Scott has a cat on hand to handle moose and sends Sylvester to do his duty.

One of the cargo boxes contained a baby kangaroo, en route to a zoo. I’m guessing those on the ship were poachers who are willing to sell marsupials on the black market to the kind of zoos that I just told you, last week, are not the kind of zoos worth talking about. I’m glad the little guy escaped, but do wish he could have found somewhere with a bit more food. This ain’t no peninsula, he’s waterlocked. But he does spy what appears to be a playmate, climbing the stairs. He follows.

Sylvester sets a moosetrap, but catches a kangaroo. Logically, he should’ve used a kangarootrap. (If I’ve made that lousy joke before, I don’t care, but if you could remind me when I did, I’ll add a link to it.) Frightened to pieces, he runs down to the bathroom to get a good look at himself; see if there’s anything wrong with him. Nah. But there’s something wrong with the mirror. Your muzzle isn’t black. I hate when reflections mess with you. They’re supposed to copy us! We… we are the real ones… right?

The moose gets Hippety… well not freed, but untrapped. This was no free act of kindness, however. It’s the joey’s turn to return the favor. He agrees, and unplugs the light once more. Interesting that Hippety seems to perfectly understand moose, but never can tell a cat what he’s supposed to be. Maybe he doesn’t know himself. He’s still a baby. Sylvester has taken some vitamins by now, so he’s ready to try again. After he does a smart thing, of course: nailing the plug into the socket. He readies a club at the approaching shadow, but swings too high as it was belonging to a moose.

The moose was carrying a mallet, so he mallets Sylvester’s feet. He ducks into a compartment under the main bulb, and when Slyvester thinks he’s corned him, opens up to find a thrashing from a “big moose”. When he’s thrown down again, the real moose cuts the wire in two. He doesn’t get any electrocution because he’s small, and the current went through his body, harmlessly. I’m pretty sure that’s something Bill Nye taught me once. He knows about science, guys. Scott is coming to thrash the cat for failing, but Sylvester manages to keep things flowing by allowing himself to become part of the current. He’s a hero!

Sylvester tapes things back up unaware the the moose has tied an explosive into the wire. Once it blows, not only is Sylvester a bit more hurt, but the wire is reduced to scattered pieces. The moose won, and that’s how moose began to rule the world. Scott returns to make good of that thrashing. He’s not going to try taking care of any rodents, because he’s diurnal. But he does have a plan to get that light going again.

Everyone sleeps peacefully. Scott has the light running, and the two pests found that the light can’t reach them in the compartment under the bulb. Sylvester is never going to sleep at night again. Scott’s solution was to hook him up to a car battery, and let him become the new beacon. It’s hell on the corneas, but there never was an ‘I’ in cat to begin with.

Super Ultimate Happy Funtime Challenge: Find the color changing nose and you win!

Favorite Part: Sylvester gets some good pummeling on the moose in the little compartment, but to be fair to everybody, every time the doors shut, the positions are swapped, and Hippety can give Sylvester his share.

Personal Rating: 3

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Bedevilled Rabbit

“Where in Tasmania’s Tasmania?”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by George Grandpre, Ted Bonnicksen, and Keith Darling; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on April 13, 1957.

Hey, when was the last time I discussed one of Taz’s shorts? Year one? I guess I can tell you my dark secret: I think “Tales of Earthsea” is a great film. Wait, I meant the other one: out of the Tunes’ main cast, Taz is my least favorite. That dosen’t mean I hate him because I don’t! If you can spare me a paragraph or two, I’ll explain my feelings on the guy. Like I should’ve done in year one.

First, the good. And it outweighs the bad. I love his design. Asking people who’ve never heard of Sarcophilus harrisii to just draw what comes to mind when they hear ‘Tasmanian Devil’ is brilliant, if zoologically inaccurate. And he helps introduce people to a lesser-known species. (Pretty sure I knew of him before the real deal.) And his means of locomotion. Becoming a dust devil is one of the most originally unique things I’ve ever heard of. You don’t get imagination like that every day! And marsupials definitely do this!

I couldn’t think of a third example.

The bad? Let’s be real, he kind of is a flat character. His one note is being a wild animal, and he does it great! And his voice. Maybe I can blame my autism, but I’m not a big fan of his shrieking snarls and raspberries. But I can appreciate how much funnier it makes it when he says something coherent. For me, Taz works best in small doses. He’s like mustard. Makes the whole dish better, but I can’t stomach a pudding-cup full. Let’s finally get started.

A crate of carrots are being air-dropped to Tasmania. It’s a pretty moronic way to send mail, but I’ve heard the wildlife is very dangerous, and I don’t think the insurance can cover any more casualties. Bugs made the mistake of sleeping in the patch these carrots were harvested from, and wakes to a whole new locale. But it has eerily similar stampedes to ones he saw in… where did the previous short take place?

He’s able to get a crocodile to stop and tell him what all the fear is about. Even though the reptile folds himself into a traveling case, he still dispenses a pamphlet that will answer all. (B. the B., I don’t think your disguise will help. “Animal-in-origin” means it still has some of the original flavor.) The informational booklet gets right to the point and warns tourists of the Tasmanian Devil. Ferocious, dangerous, and continuously hungry; not to mention it eats just about the entirety of the animal kingdom. Bugs isn’t entirely convinced such a beast even exists.

Well, speak of that devil! He’s gotten taller than I last saw him! He’s recycled animationing his way over right now. (It’s fun to peruse Taz’s diet list. It suggests that he’s the reason we don’t see any unicorns, and has done what Wile E. will never do.) The pamphlet was saving it for last, but yes, rabbits are also a meal of choice. Ever the cool one, Bugs claims to be a monkey as that wasn’t one of the animals listed. (But probably only because there aren’t monkeys in Tasmania.)

Taz still gives chase, tearing every tree in the forest down a peg and a half. When Bugs thinks he’s rid of him, Taz grabs him by the ears. He’s not as dumb as you might think, as he questions why a monkey would have a rabbit’s tail. Fade-in on a trussed Bugs with an apple in his mouth. Classic presentation is always trendy! Since he’s not going anywhere, Taz takes some time to work on his salad side-dish. Sure, it’s leaning too heavily on toppings to be healthy, but the squirrels, raccoons, turtles, fish, and mice are the best parts! (Did Bugs have to watch them die?)

Bugs points out an important fact: salad doesn’t pair well with rabbit. Its best friend is a Wild Turkey Surprise. A dish he’d be happy to prepare if he was able to use his limbs. Taz is sold, and I can’t blame him. That sounds awesome! Shame that in this health-conscious world, Bugs decides to make it with artificial poultry: T.N.T. At least Taz still liked it. A little gas never hurt anyone. But he’s still mad. Still hungry? Has he realized Bugs pulled a fast one? Bugs needs a reason to duck into the nearby Trader Mac’s? All three it is!

Grabbing a box of lipstick, a broom, a dress and a bear trap, Bugs sets to making a disguise. Love the shopkeep’s expression. I choose to believe animals can’t talk in this picture, and he just saw a rabbit rob him. (Grab me one of those shrunken heads while you’re there, huh Bugs?) And that disguise? Probably his hottest one ever. And that’s coming from someone who isn’t even attracted to Tasmanian she-devils. Good thing that’s another species not on the approved foods list. Taz likes. Taz l-i-i-i-i-kes!

That jagged metal kiss only turns him on fiercer. But wait, if his first cartoon is to be believed then isn’t he…? Yep. Still married. The Mrs. is none too pleased to find him cheating on her. (His name is Claude?) That rotten pamphlet! It can’t even correctly state what the scariest animal is! Same as everywhere else, it’s a woman scorned.

Favorite Part: In traditional cartoon fashion, Taz makes a wide variety of sounds when he sees an attractive body. The tiny “rowr” is the best part!

Personal Rating: 3.

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Mother was a Rooster

“Being a mother is an awful headache.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Dave Detiege; Animation by George Grandpre, Keith Darling, Ted Bonnicksen, and Warren Batchelder; Layouts and Backgrounds by Robert Gribbroek; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn.  A Merrie Melody released on October 20, 1962.

According to Barnyard Dawg, things have gotten too quiet as of late. Well maybe this will teach you not to remain absent from the previous five Foghorn pictures. One of you has to be the spark, and one the gunpowder. Team effort, guys. His plan to rile things up requires a trip to the local ostrich farm. “Cawstone’s: whether you need meat, eggs or plumes, we hope you’ll always think of us first, in-between, and last.” He steals an egg and returns home to put his plan into action.

It’s simple, but aren’t all the best pranks? He’s going to place it near Foghorn. Hilarious! (Hilarious?) When he wakes, Foghorn is over the moon to find he’s a parent. B.D. is confused. And so am I. What did you want him to do? Scream? Ask if anyone has lost a baby? Try to eat it? You’re slipping pal. Maybe you should retire. He changes tactics once Foggy goes about warming it up; he’s gonna help hatch it. Woah! Hey! Put the mallet down! Is infanticide really worth having the last laugh? You should retire now!

Okay, he hits Foghorn. And this makes the egg hatch? Eh, who cares. Isn’t that chick adorable? Way cuter than last time. Foghorn agrees that his son is beautiful, and goes to show him off to all his friends. That means Mr. Dawg. (Foggy isn’t the easiest guy to get along with.) Barnyard is blunt and tells little Austin, (my name for him) to his face, that he is the ugliest chicken he ever saw. Good thing he’s not really a chicken, but still, a-hole. And Austin hides his head underground. No, he’s NOT scared; scared ostriches run. He’s ashamed.

Foghorn is rightfully pissed at this, telling the poor child that the jerk dog didn’t mean that. The jerk dog agrees: he meant that the kid’s been beaten by the ugly stick. Please shut your mouth! Yes, their are ugly people in the world, I myself am one, but you wait until their at least a teenager to tell them that! That way, puberty can either metamorphose them into splendor, or give them the opportunity to accept that part of themselves. And even then, you have to already be the bosomest of buddies. Do it this young, and the kid’ll be ruined for life.

Foghorn decides the dawg will pay, and I’m in total support. He places an anvil up a tree, with a bone dangling from it. Soon as it’s pulled, WHAMMO! But Austin gets there first. Maybe he’s hungry, (Foghorn never feeds him) maybe he’s trying to get in his tormentor’s good graces. Foggy runs over to let the mutt have his femur, and is klonked for his troubles. Just forget him and play a game. Football is popular this time of year. Play that.

Foghorn throws it, but it’s attached to a string. … Why is it attached to a string? It just makes Austin get reeled back in to your palm. Hasn’t he been abused enough? I really don’t follow that one. Foggy goes out for a pass, and Austin punts great and Foghorn gets sent sliding into a fence, his arm poking out through a hole in the bottom. This gives B.D. a chance to stick it full of dynamite, and Foghorn doesn’t realize he caught it until that happens. Standing up, he realizes its time for baseball practice, and tosses the ball back over. How do you like them karma apples?

Austin finally seems to be happy and enjoying life as kids should get to before the real world ruins living for them. But it just takes one more cruel word to get him hiding his head again. I think I need to prove a point about baby birds again:

Ost-rich in cuteness!

And what do your babies look like at that age, mr hound?

Moot point

Aw, crumbs! Still heckin’ precious. But maybe there’s a soulless monster out there who would disagree?

Well, Foghorn is the parent here, so he’s going to have to deal with this. One on one boxing sounds fair. But Barnyard isn’t, getting in as many early shots as he can. Since they’re playing by his rules, which are no rules, there will be no rules. Foggy jumps hard, and the loose plank flings B.D. into the water tower above. When he falls back down, physics flings Foggy back up. After some back and forth, the whole thing collapses on them. After the dust clears, both have their heads stuck in the ground. Austin speaks his first words, and they’re concerns about the fact everybody left him and he is now alone.

NO, he DOESN’T think hiding your head makes you invisible, he just hasn’t got object permanence yet. Or they died in that crash.

Favorite Part: The fact that Austin has such a powerful kick. Ostriches really do have those. Just wait until he grows up, Dawg. He’ll kick your skin off.

Personal Rating: 2. I’m sorry, but Barnyard was too d@mn mean in this one. Insulting an innocent babe just because he’s bitter about his prank failing to live up to expectations? You know he’s not a chicken anyway! Call him ugly to Foghorn’s face if you must, but leave him out of this. If Austin wasn’t so cute, and Dawg got off scot-free in the end, I’d be giving it a 1.

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Gone Batty

“I don’t like you.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Sid Marcus, Ben Washam; Animation by Charles McKimson, Herman Cohen, Rod Scribner, and Phil DeLara; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on September 4, 1954.

Game day! Championship at that! Our home team is the Greenville Goons and their opponents, the Sweetwater Shnooks. (Sic.) The Goons are your typical Gashouse Gorillas style team. Big and oafish, permanent stubble, and smelling like trouble. The Shnooks (Sic.) take after the Tea Totallers in that they look like they’ll be eaten alive, chewed as cud, eaten again, and spat out like tobacco. But as the game gets going, we can see where the teams differ. The Shnooks (Sic.) can actually play. Sure, they’re a bit on the thin side and seem to dress like they think it’s still an age where they could play the mighty Casey, but they are capable!

The Goons also differ from their predecessors: They rely more on cheating. I had no doubt the gorillas weren’t good, albeit dirty, players, but I suppose since they were playing weaklings they just didn’t feel the need to break out the tricks until a silly rabbit entered the game. The Goons will run out of the stadium to catch home-runs, and aren’t afraid to use the bats on more than balls. The Shnooks (Sic.) could use a lucky rabbit to get the upper hand, seeing as its the final inning and they’re still yet to score any runs. This calls for a desperate measure.

They have a mascot, and due to their players getting knocked out, they’re going to use him. When I asked for a hint as to what thing it might be, they told me to think hyraxes and dugongs. No. It… it couldn’t be! But it is! My beloved baby! The bouncing, beautiful, bat boy himself, Bobo! Still as cute as I remember him! And finally gotten over his log carrying stigma. The Goons protest, but “There’s nothing in the rule book that says an elephant cannot pitch!” He looks a little nervous to actually be playing, but he gets the hang of things soon. Or should I say he gets the point? When a Shnook (Sic.) gives him a good poke, he can throw the ball far faster than human reflexes can hope to hit. And Bugs was also kind enough to teach him that slow ball trick. Still works.

But striking opponents out won’t get you any points. The real way to win at this game is to do the batting yourself. (Color changing bat.) Still a little unsure of himself, but he shouldn’t be. He’s packing more than wimpy horsepower! The balls he hits get enough kinetic energy to go through Goons hands. And as an elephant, he’s naturally smart. When he sees a ball is being loaded full of teeny T.N.T., he allows to catcher to live up to his profession. It’s time to bring out the big gun. A bazooka designed to fire more baseballs than the average player pitches in a standard baseball career. Do elephants have great reflexes?

Well this one does! He hits every ball right back, whence it came. No wonder the Goons resorted to cheating the whole game. They can’t catch a single ball out of the hundreds in the atmosphere? Actually, they can, but that single has enough force to force him underground. Reusing the “I got it gag” from “Baseball Bugs” but hardly near as funny. It all comes down to the final pitch. Thanks to that bazooka, the Shnooks (Sic.) are tied for first place. One more home run will net them the game! So how will the Goons try to prevent this?

Not as imaginatively as their bazooka. They resort to just tying Bobo to a stake. But simplicity often nets the best results and poor Bobo is stuck at home. If he loses, I’ll die! After the rest of my life occurs, of course. The Goons will die first. Time for another one of the incredible talents elephants naturally possess. Their trunks are quite stretchy, and creative liberties may have been taken, but I don’t care. Bobo’s trunk clears the bases, and since it’s a part of him, it counts! Shnooks (Sic.) win! Knew my precious Bobo was the best player that will ever exist, shut the game down now. Unfortunately, they couldn’t resist ending on the joke we all saw coming: he works for peanuts. Bleh. I hate peanuts.

Favorite Part: One of the Goons’ pitchers. Look at the literal arm cannon on Rodney Aran there! Reminds me of what you once saw in Fleischer cartoons and now see in “Cuphead”.

Personal: It can’t help but reuse gags from its superior predecessor, but there’s enough new here for it to stand on its own. And it has a cuter character! (Yeah, I said it!) 3 all around! What do you mean this was Bobo’s last appearance? Is he that similar to Dumbo? Disney’s lawyers are destroying any joy I had left in my sad, pathetic existence.