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Well Worn Daffy

“I would walk a mile to punch a camel in the nose.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by David Detiege; Animation by Warren Batchelder, Bob Matz, LaVerne Harding, Norm McCabe, Don Williams, and Manny Perez; Layouts by Dick Ung; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Lee Gunther; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Looney Tune released on May 22, 1965.

It’s a one of those hot days that deserts are known for. You can tell by how wildly the sun is pulsating. Speedy is in the midst of dying of thirst with a couple of pals, Pedro and Jose. Just as they are about ready to give up all hope, they spot a well with an oasis around it. Plenty of water there, but it’s off limits as the ones claiming it are Daffy and his camel. They don’t show any proof that they own the place, but they have a gun with them. That’s pretty realistic.

This situation is rather tortuous. Not helping it any is Daffy purposely wasting the water in front of the dehydrated mice. (And even if he was willing to share, that would mean trying to get a drop away from that camel. You seen the intake on those things?) Speedy comes up with a clever plan: he gets Daffy to chase him while the other two make a dash for the H2O. It works decently, but they didn ‘t count on the guard camel actually being in the well. Speedy decides to just try again, not giving any indication that the camel has even left the well by this point.

Well, guess the camel is gone or drowned by this point as Speedy gets a dipper full of the life juice. Daffy manages to succeed in stopping him though, by shooting the container. That is pretty dang impressive seeing as it’s Daffy. And no, the camel is still alive. Speedy learns this when the dromedary succeeds to keep the water from leaving with a trip wire. (I don’t like his laugh. It’s kinda unnerving. And yet, it kinda sounds like what I think a camel would sound like if it could laugh. Which makes it all the more disturbing.)

Okay, so carrying any water away doesn’t seem to have any chance of success. Speedy tries siphoning. He gets Daffy from the hose, who lets them have more gunshots. (Speedy looks so unnatural running away slow and lumbery. Is the lack of water finally taking its toll?) Daffy loads up with all the water he and Camel Joe can hold, and to make sure the mice die, he leaves explosives around the well. Speedy ties them to Joe’s tail and the two run for their lives, losing their water reserves in the process.

Finally allowed to drink, the mice grow swollen on the precious resource. A desperate duck and camel soon come calling, begging for the rodents to spare a drink. (The camel is clearly faking to spare Daffy’s feelings. His hump isn’t even sagging.) Proving that being the “bigger man” is always figurative, Speedy sprays him with the hose.

Favorite Part: Joe saying that Daffy gives him a headache. He doesn’t enjoy hanging around the mallard, but why give up all the free water that comes with the job?

Personal Rating: 2

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Peck up your Troubles

“*Frightened meow*”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Ken Champin; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on October 20, 1945.

A little woodpecker has just moved into a tree and Sylvester isn’t far behind. Using a hair net and twigs for camouflage the cat makes it about halfway up the tree before he is spotted. The bird haphazardly slathers the tree with some grease, and the next thing you know, the whole thing is covered, sending Sylvester sliding back down. And chopping the tree down is not an option, so says the nearby bulldog. (I like that he doesn’t interact with the plot much. He couldn’t care less what Sylvester does, as long as the tree if left alone.)

Sylvester tries stilts. He really should’ve thought this one through, as they don’t last long against an animal that frequently pecks holes in wood. The branch he grabs onto has a a similar fate. Sylvester tries crossing on the telephone wires. The bird finds the control switch, and Sylvester pleads for it to not be touched. The woodpecker does some good baiting here with a little ‘all right’ shrug. Sylvester does his best to book it to safety, knowing the bird is going to go back on his word. He does, and we never see it. (Does this cartoon seem a bit dim to anyone else? Even Sylvester’s fur is more gray than white.)

The plan that gets Sylvester to the branch is the riding a kite one. (Who’s holding the other end?) He’s got the bird trapped in his own house, so said bird tries a trick he saw Bugs do once. It works flawlessly, and Sylvester thinks that the totaled tomato is pressed picidae. He’s not getting any sleep tonight, which means it’s time to move to phase two. The bird disguises himself as an angel (Naturally, “Angel in Disguise” is playing. Stalling never misses an opportunity.) The “angel” gives his murderer a gun in order to make things right, because that’s totally what angels do. Sylvester actually starts to go along with it before he sees through the charade. He even manages to get a few well deserved shots taken.

The next day Sylvester is right back at it, and tries to batter down the bird’s front door. He ends up getting stuck in another branch, and the woodpecker baits him again by really taking his time getting set to give him a good pin poking. Fed up, Sylvester wraps some dynamite around the tree before the dog reminds him that it isn’t a good idea. As the cat puts out the fuses, the bird relights them and once they are all exploded, there’s no sign of Sylvester. The bird points up, showing who really wears the angel getup in this relationship.

Favorite Part: Sylvester figuring out an easy way to get up to the branch: just climbing air as if it were stairs. Then flashing the motto by which all animator’s swear: “Anything is possible in a cartoon!”

Personal Rating: 3

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The Solid Tin Coyote

“One more try, you idiot.“

Directed by Rudy Larriva; Story by Don Jurwich; Animation by Hank Smith, Virgil Ross, and Bob Bransford; Layouts by Don Sheppard; Backgrounds by Anthony Rizzo; Film Editor: Joe Siracusa; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Looney Tune released on February 29, 1966.

Glue has proven ineffective when hunting roadrunners. Now, tar is the real deal! Wile E slathers a good amount on the road, but that darn Roadrunner can run right through it without any slowing effects. Oh, but when Wile E. stands on the stuff, he has a hassle getting free. Only by pulling with all his might does he get out of the stuff on the street, and back in the stuff in the bucket. He has to hop away and they really take their time building up to the inevitable incoming vehicle that will run him down. (More time means less jokes they have to think up.)

After a falling off a cliff whilst setting up a mirror, (it probably wasn’t going to be all that funny anyway.) Wile E. lands in a dump. (The trash looking like it belongs in a different cartoon. Superimposed images, and all that.) This gives him a new and better idea. He grabs armloads of junk and sets to build his greatest, (if possibly not biggest) creation yet! (The title is lying to us. I saw him grab glass, porcelain, fabric and wood.) Presenting: a colossal robotic Canis latrans that can run without tiring. And it is conveniently controlled by a device that tells it what actions to perform. (And thankfully looking a lot better than what the title card promised.)

There’s just one teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy, speck of a crumb of a problem with it: the stop function doesn’t appear to actually function. (Not like Wile E. tried all that hard to get out of its way, though.) Still, it’s a brilliant piece of work! Being a robot means they can use that as an excuse for how choppy their animation can get. DARN THOSE-!  Oh, you know already. The hunt begins, and it still looks odd to me when the Roadrunner shows fear. Still, he manages stay free thanks to Wile E. using easy to misinterpret commands, and standing in improperly safe locations.

This calls for enhancements! Two fangs should do the trick! I… what. Odd. But even more odd? The bird gets caught! Yeah, I know! I feel like I’m lying through my fingers as I type! (Don’t mock fangs. They get results.) So he’s in the clutches of one of the coyotes; what will Wile E. do now? He tells the robot to eat of, course. Sure, why not? At best it will keep his prey detained, at worse it will grind the bird into paste that Wile E. will have to scrape off. Either way, that will spell the end of Wile E.’s need for the machine so it pops him in its mouth instead.

But the Roadrunner is still caught, right? No! It got away without any indication that it did! That’s really lazy storytelling, Don. The Roadrunner is also on the other side of a chasm, but Wile E. didn’t notice that until the machine was already running. Still without a working stop function, the two coyote’s fall into the pit. Back at square one, but the ending keeps them from getting back to step two.

Favorite Part: The Roadrunner being curious as to why Wile E. isn’t chasing him. Suggesting that he thinks this is all nothing more than a game that he’s dominating at.

Personal Rating: 2. It’s got the usual brand of mid-sixties problems, but I like seeing Wile E. having just one plan for the majority of the picture. It’s an interesting change of pace.

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Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips

“COME AND GET ME!”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on April 22, 1944.

Before I get to a personal story before I get to today’s post, I just want to remind you that war is awful. You know that already, I’m aware. Still, I just want it said that during times of war, we say and do things that we will come to regret. Things that are hurtful and we should be ashamed of, but still be strong enough to admit these bad things happened and not hide from our past.

Before I get to today’s post; a personal story about me and this short. It was just another high school day, another U.S. history class and one difference: a student teacher. He was going to talk about wartime propaganda and said he was going to show us this particular cartoon as an example. I’m a pretty introverted, shy, slightly misanthropic individual, so you better believe it was a big deal that I blurted out: “You’re so cool!”

He never played the cartoon. He didn’t say he changed his mind, he didn’t claim he couldn’t find it, he didn’t leave after that day so he had more chances. He just never brought it up again and never showed any cartoons in its place. I don’t remember his name. I don’t remember his face. All I know is I made a mistake: I told a man he was cool, when he was not. And I’ll never be able to apologize to him for my mix-up. If that man is you, I offer my sincerest apologies and hope you didn’t wind up passing on any genes to any unsuspecting offspring. Now let’s get to what you actually are here to read about:

START OF THE POST RIGHT HERE! Bugs is afloat in a crate somewhere in the Pacific. When he spots land, he gleefully heads on over. He comments on the peaceful serenity that surrounds him before reality bites hard. WWII is still in swing and this island is already occupied by hurtful, incorrect Japanese stereotypes. And since Bugs isn’t drawn in such a disrespectful manner, he must be on an opposing side. Shame this must happen, but war is war (is hell).

Bugs manages to fool a man by dressing as a Japanese general. The bowing commences, but give Freleng’s crew a small point for showing that our adversaries aren’t brain dead imbeciles, as the one onscreen very quickly realizes that this general before him is really Bugs Bunny. He even reveals the charade is up by spouting off his own “What’s up, doc?” Bugs takes off in nearby plane with the soldier right behind. But Bugs is fast, and lands and ties a rope to the other plane, stripping it of most of its body. And because it is war, he gives the parachuting man an anvil, sealing his fate.

Bugs happily marks his victory on a tree when he sees his next foe: a sumo wrestler. (I admit, I admire Bugs responding by painting another victory tally. That is bass.) The wrestling match goes about as well as you would think. We in the future know that Bugs can never win these kind of things with his “muscles” alone. He must dress as a geisha in order to get the drop on the big guy. (Since Bugs already has buckteeth, it’s only a smidgen less insulting than the rest of the cartoon.)

Two down, how many more to go? A whole lot of them judging by the boats being unloaded on the island. A brilliant plan must be wielded to get Bugs out of this predicament. A plan involving ice cream! That’s actually perfect as everyone loves ice cream! So Bugs gives the people frozen treats with real grenade filling! I mean, he sells them the stuff because he’s going to purchase a war bond. That’s my attempt of making some light of this scene, as Bugs lays down some downright nasty insults to the poor guys. Isn’t taking their lives enough? A lot of families are about to be changed forever. (And poor Mel. While I have no doubt he regretted saying these lines, I would like to see a quote from him saying that.)

What’s done is done. Bugs has killed a minimum of 62 soldiers who were just pawns in this horrible game, same as him. I understand that he is trying to bolster morale for his country, but I wish he never had to in the first place. Well, at least he can relax now, right? A quiet, peaceful island to forget the atrocities of the world is what everyone secretly desires, right? Big wrong. Bugs hates tranquility! (I believe it. You seen the adventures he has on a yearly basis?) He’s ecstatic to find an American ship in the water and calls for their attention.

Then he sees another local: a fetching doe that doesn’t seem too harassed by Bugs enthusiastically running after her. The short ends and we can exhale in relief knowing that this was as bad as things got in Bugs’s theatrical career.

No! NOOOOOO!

*long heavy sigh* Some other month, perhaps.

Favorite Part: Bugs letting us know that he’s just waiting for the deserted island that will inevitably pop-up, because deserted island’s tend to pop-up in these kind of pictures. He’s that kind of savvy.

Personal Rating: 1. A few okay at best jokes can’t deliver enough merit for me to tell average viewers to hold their noses and muck their way through.

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A Hound for Trouble

“What are you anyway, a dog hater?”

Directed by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Lloyd Vaughan, Ken Harris, Phil Monroe, Ben Washam, and John Carey; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on April 28, 1951.

It’s hard to be Charlie Dog. Everybody but me seems to despise him, and he’s just been thrown off a boat. (Not for the first time if the captain is to be believed.) He finds he’s been dumped off in Italy of all places. Beauty of that being that there is still a good number of people who could be potential masters. After all, Italians are humans and humans love dogs. (If you don’t, you’re doing a bang-up job of trying to keep your cover from being blown.)

Mama Mia! None of-a de locals capishe de English! It’s a good thing that love is a universal language. Still, English praise will be easier to catch. Charlie sets his sights on on restaurant named Pasquale’s Palazzia de Spagetini. I think the lone employee we see working there is Pasquale himself. He doesn’t give any indication that he can speak a lick of English, but Charlie has made his choice. I admire him choosing a bowl to be his own. Now for the test: showing how lovable and cuddly he is.

Test failed. Although Pasquale is fairly kind in telling the dog to leave. Even if he said yes though, it would be best if Charlie wasn’t inside as Pasquale is leaving for a fifteen minute break. (Those are the best when they’re twice as long.) Then again, staying outside won’t give Charlie a great opportunity to show the guy what a great choice it would be to have an animal in the kitchen amongst the food and utensils that will be entering people’s mouths.

Charlie is now in the kitchen. (A young Brad Bird takes notes.) And just now entering is a customer ready for a feast. He orders… oh boy, here we go. He orders: na bella piatta del una cacciatore di tetrazzini cu ragu di marinara di la piazza rigotini mozzarella fina without onions. (Thank you, Wikipedia.) And I’m pretty sure that translates to a grilled cheese sandwich without onions. They don’t have that. The man settles for spaghett. Charlie serves it to him via spool, and makes sure he doesn’t eat an inch more than he’s paying for. Time for a bit of wine to wash it all down. The man leaves with whatever lunch he can keep down after seeing Charlie stomp the grapes.

Pasquale returns and is not pleased to find his customers being scared away. But Charlie has a surefire way to stay: he’s a singer! You will believe he can find a home after hearing his rendition of “Atsa matta for you?” Pasquale certainly seems convinced as he gives in and agrees to adopt the poor baby. Now, isn’t that touching? No wonder this is Charlie’s final appearance; he’s about to achieve his dream come true! But wait! That leaning tower located in Pisa is going to fall over and crush their little home! Charlie proves he’s the smarter of the two and tries to away from danger, but Pasquale makes him hold the tower while he goes for help. (Seeing as he’s bilingual and all.)

We end with Pasquale happy in his kitchen, no intent of ever going back and Charlie desperately calling for anyone to help; his pleas falling on deaf ears as they only speak Italian. That’s just cruel, Pasquale. (Mostro malvagio. Spero che tu marcisca all’inferno, lentamente.)

Favorite Part: Charlie not only can repeat the original order flawlessly, but he sticks his tongue out at all of us who doubted he could do it. How can anyone not love this dog?

Personal Rating: 3. But I give it a four for myself.

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Tree for Two

“I gotta job to do!”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Ken Champin, Virgil Ross, Arthur Davis, and Manuel Perez; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on October 4, 1952.

Best be on the look out ladies and gents, the newspapers say that a panther is on the loose. I’m not a newspaper and I say that a leopard is on the loose. Panther is a term that people who can’t be bothered to read up on big cats use. Regardless of what you call it, this is a potentially dangerous animal that is roaming the streets and you’d be smart to use caution out of doors. The poor thing is lost, confused and scared and when animals feel that: they maul.

Enter Spike and Chester. (The latter making his debut here.) Chester is the hero-worshipper type and his hero is Spike. He suggests many typical dog activities and each suggestion gets him a negative answer and smack across the face. Chester saves his best suggestion for last: beating up on a cat. (I love how he still braces himself for another smack. Don’t let yourself be a hero-worshipper. Even the decent people will get sick of you.) Finally, something that piques Spike’s interest. Chester leads him to where a cat is located.

Their cat of choice is Sylvester. He was just minding his own business, singing and enjoying life. (He’s good at it too! If “Back Alley Oproar” didn’t convince you of his singing prowess, watch it again. It’s a wonderful short.) And that gets him hounded by hounds. He takes refuge in an alley with the two right outside. Spike keeps Chester out while he partakes in all the fun. Once inside he pulls on his prey’s tail. Only not really. That is a leopard tail, and Sylvester is hiding in a trash can. (Confused, but not stupid enough to point out there’s a mix-up.) That tail isn’t coming undone, so Spike follows it. He leaves quite shaken up. (On the bright side, it doesn’t look like he was harmed too physically.)

Chester takes a peek to see this “big” cat, but only sees Sylvester checking if the coast is clear. Chester offers to take care of the cat, but Spike’s pride ain’t having it. He goes back in to really give it to ‘im. The same thing happens, but Spike definitely took a beating this time. Chester still can’t accept this. (It constantly causes his whiskers to disappear in shock.) Chester shows that even a little dog like himself can pound the puss and fling him back to whence he came, so surely a bigger, stronger, (prick-ier) dog can do it. Spike’s resolve is restored.

Spike enters the alley again, and without a hiding place, Sylvester can’t do much more but claw blindly at the air. Amused, Spike lets him give his best shot. With both of them having their eyes obscured, neither one sees the leopard clawing the mutt to bits for daring to pick on his distant relative. Spike is horrified, and flees. Sylvester can’t believe what he’s seeing, but he seems to be seeing it. There must be more power in his paw than he ever imagined. Now feeling strong as a leopard, he comes after the two dogs himself. They’re going to get the claw and leave him alone from now on!

Chester isn’t convinced and once more beats and flings. (Stan Freberg, you are knocking it out of the park with this performance. Really wish you got to star alongside Mel more often.) So in the end, Chester is considered the tough one and he gets to bully and smack the hero-worshipping Spike, the leopard was eventually found and returned to the zoo which was given a good amount of funds to renovate the place and make it so the animals were happy in captivity, and though Sylvester got beaten up, he was known in all the cat circles as the one who turned the feared Spike into a groveling kiss-ass.

Favorite Part: The smile on Chester’s face when Spike tells him he can go get himself killed. It’s the same look we’ve all had when someone allowed us to do something dangerous, and we were about to prove them wrong. (Though not every one of us came out like Chester…)

Personal Rating: 3. But even if it’s successor got the same score, this one is better. I find the ending makes a lot more sense with everyone still unclear about what really went down. Makes Chester’s promotion make more sense.

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Assault and Peppered

“You’ve got to use brains when you fight a war.”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7v98zw

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by John Dunn; Animation by Manny Perez, Warren Batchelder, Bob Matz, LaVerne Harding, Norm McCabe, and Don Williams; Layouts by Dick Ung; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Lee Gunther; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Merrie Melody released on April 24, 1965.

Daffy is the owner El Rancho Rio Daffy. Watch in awe as I use the half-year of Spanish I took in middle school to deduce that stands for… The Daffy River Ranch. (Don’t correct me if wrong.) He must have a lot of food on that property, but with only him, it’s not being enjoyed to the fullest. That’s what the starving mice on the border are thinking, anyway. Daffy is angry to see them, because starving on his property lowers the value. He even goes so far as to whip the little guys. (A little too cruel for my tastes.)

They threaten to call Speedy, but Daffy dismisses the hero as a myth. One “yee-ha” later he is angrily challenging the mouse to a duel. A duel of the highest caliber, with forts and cannons. Speedy agrees and we cut to months later with the forts now finished being built. (What? You think Daffy just had those ready made to challenge anybody he dislikes? Clearly, you don’t know Daffy like I do. He’s nothing but pleasantries and lemonade when he’s got everything he wants.)

Daffy fires his cannon and Speedy hurriedly moves everything in its path out of its way. With a clear path, the thing continues along its way until it returns to Daffy’s face. (Speedy makes a lot of noise without actually moving his mouth in this picture. Darn those mid-sixties budgets!) Daffy also plants a mine field, keeping careful track of where each one is buried. Speedy takes the cheat sheet, leaving the duck stranded (Even though it’s way too obvious where they are! Did you not make every mound of dirt on screen?)

Speedy is happy to help him navigate back, listing each mine as Daffy steps on it. (“What do you mean you don’t know where they are? You haven’t missed one yet!” Love that line.) Wait, listen to the sound effect of Daffy falling over. That’s the sound of a fast character arriving on the scene with a short stop! DARN THOSE MID-SIXTIES BUDGETS!) Speedy decides he’s tired and hungry, so he surrenders so he can eat. Daffy can’t believe his good fortune, and pokes the fourth wall by mentioning how he usually gets the losing end of these type of skirmishes.

Daffy decides to celebrate with a 21-gun salute, er cannon salute. When he pulls on the lines, the cannons all turn to him and fire, Speedy gleefully counting each one off.

Favorite Part: Learning Daffy’s full name this time: Don Daffy De La Scrooge Del Meanie Toturro De La Quack… Junior. (Pray you never meet Don Daffy De La Scrooge Del Meanie Toturro De La Quack… Senior.)

Personal Rating: 2

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The Shell shocked Egg

“So far, life is just a mystery to me.”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x48zmf6

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Manny Gould, Charles McKimson, I Ellis; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thompson; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on July 10, 1948.

A mother turtle has arrived at a beach, which means she is here to lay her eggs. But she clearly isn’t a sea turtle. Which I guess explains why her eggs are already laid, and she’s just burying them in the sand? Once they’re buried and named, it’s up to the sun to do its share of the work: heating those eggs. The egg christened Clem has gotten their feet out, when the sun is blocked out by clouds. And Clem feels that the gender they identify with most is female, so they’re off to find a greater heat source. (If you’re a zoologist, you get it.)

While Clem starts their quest, their mom breaks out the heat lamp. (Lazy ball of plasma! Why’d we get stuck with such a cowardly star? Don”t take sass from those punk nimbus!) She sits down to wait for her children. (Singing with her mouth wide open when her beak should clearly be moving.) Clem’s search for heat has led them to a farm. Plenty of endotherms there! But the cow isn’t willing to cooperate, and she swats the unborn child away. (Getting some good distance, despite Clem’s egg not being round like it should be.)

By this point, Clem’s brother’s have hatched. But mother Sheloise knows she pushed four eggs out her cloaca. (You don’t forget a thing like that, trust me.) And she won’t accept the cold fact that many turtles are lucky to get as far as Tom, Dick and Harry did. She frantically searches for her missing baby, while the other three help. Singing as they do. (What kind of barbershop trio would they be if they didn’t?)

Clem’s search has led them under a dog who isn’t too fazed that he apparently laid an egg at first. One second later, he realizes how famous he’d be! (We science types surely wouldn’t just vivisect him.) A mammal laying an egg! Can you imagine? I bet even these guys would be impressed:

No, really. These guys are the toughest critics to please. Just look at those scowls.

The dog chases after little Clem, who has now found their way to a hen’s nest. The dog takes what he is sure is rightfully his, but the hen’s frantic clucking has alerted the resident rooster who takes it back. Thus begins a game of back and forth. The dog hurts the bird, and the rooster hurts the canine. Poor Clem stuck in the middle of things. By this point, the other turtles have dug up pretty much the entire beach. Hope you weren’t planning on vacationing there anytime soon. (And yes, I did notice Harry’s plastron change color.)

Clem bolts back to the beach, with hound and hen hubby right behind. Sheloise sees this and scoops up the lot of them with her backhoe. She then hammers the hunter’s heads and collects her kid, who really is losing patience with the whole egg thing. Put them under that lamp so we can finally get a look at them! She does just that, and Clem actually does hatch a male, if the changed voice is any indication. Despite getting what he wanted Clem has found out that he still is in a shell, and he can’t part with this one and still live. Don’t believe what any koopas tell you.

Favorite Part: While Sheloise is burying her eggs, a note informs us why she’s doing that. She admonishes it because we clearly already know. (It’s like that joke was written especially for me.)

Personal Rating: 3

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I wanna play House

“♪ I gotta sing, ’cause I’m gay…♪”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8angw1

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Animation by Cal Dalton and Sandy Walker; Music by Bernard Brown. A Merrie Melody released on January 11, 1936.

If you were a time traveler, and you used that power to just go back and watch every Looney Tune and Merrie Melody in theaters in chronological order, you’d find this cartoon to be the debut of those famous rings that you associate with these shorts. (It’s always been the perfect way to frame the many characters who came after the rings left the screen.)

Out in the woods, two black bear cubs play. (Yes, black bears can have brown fur, you racist.) I think they’re siblings, and I’m claiming they’re both female. But to be on the safe side, I’ll give them the gender fluid names “coal” and “mud”. They’re wrestling and exploring the world, skills that will serve them well should they manage to survive to adulthood. Sadly, often times learning something requires a bit of pain, and Coal learns that even without teeth, a turtle bite hurts.

This amuses Mud, no end, and Coal ain’t having it. She flings a rock at her sister’s face. Look how fast it moves! She’s already displaying great strength! But Mud has awesome reflexes and doesn’t get the stone. Their father does. (Again, assumptions. They’re sometimes right!) He wants to know who did it, and both of his girls naturally blame the other. Personally, I’d always blame the first to deny, (Coal) but father bruin decides to rely on the spit test. You spit into your paw, smack it with the other paw, and whoever the exportation lands closest to gets the punishment. Spit says: Mud.

She gets some spanks (making cries that sound to me like ones you’d hear in a Dingo Pictures “film”) as Coal walks away. Happily, Mud doesn’t seem to hold any animosity and is eager to join a game of hide and seek. She’ll count and Coal will hide. With the game underway, Coal finds a caravan and takes a look inside. Whoever owns the place never learned the most important rule of camping: PUT YOUR FREAKING FOOD AWAY LEST YOU ATTRACT A LAND BEAR! They’re getting no pity from me. I hope Coal’s insatiable lust for the human vittles doesn’t hurt her chances of having cubs of her own one day.

Coal knows all about sandwiches, and makes herself a snack. And since there’s a jug of cider, a drink as well. It’s the hard stuff, and she’s drunk not too long after. The short has been frequently cutting back to Mud’s counting and she finally calls it quits after hitting 1,000,002; leading me to believe this has been going on for weeks. (And I guess Coal was supposed to call out when she was hidden?) Mud isn’t happy to find her sister lushly singing and cavorting in a human dwelling. She hits Coal with a tomato.

Tomato’s are nature’s sobering fruits, and Coal is cured and angry. The two wrestle, and accidentally unstick the brake. Since parking on level ground is for those who aren’t snorting jugs of hard cider, the vehicle careens down the hill; it’s two stowaways doing all in their power to steer. They eventually get the idea to use the brake once more, slowing the vehicle down, sure, but also losing the wheels to extreme friction. They crash, and seem relatively fine, but the cider jug hits Mud on the head, putting her into her own kind of daze. This is exactly the situation you don’t want your-

Father comes to his cub and sees her stumbling by a jug. That’s enough evidence for him, and Mud gets more spanks. (And you thought I gave her that name because of her fur, didn’t you?) Coal decides to get out of there once again, but this time a rock manages to hit her cranium. But we didn’t see who picked it up! Was it her sister getting sweet retribution? Or her father giving her some punishment for joyriding? What’s your guess?

Favorite Part: When drunk, Coal laughs every time she hiccups. It’s adorable. As is witnessing anybodies first drunken stupor.

Personal Rating: 2. Not a lot happened, and it wasn’t as fun watching Mud get unjust punishment as you’d think it is.

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Leghorn Swoggled

“Kid don’t stop talkin’ so much; he’ll get his tongue sunburned.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Charles McKimson, Rod Scribner, Phil DeLara, and Emery Hawkins; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Eugene Poddany; Orchestration by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on July 28, 1951.

A total eclipse? Free of charge? Doesn’t sound like the thing Foghorn would be interested in, but he’s excited. He puts his head through the hole in the fence to see, and Barnyard slams a pumpkin on his head. He retaliates by sticking a boxing glove in a camera, and socking the hound. (And everything freezes for at least one second. Intentional?) The usual tricks and pranks are interrupted by Henery playing cowboy in order to get a chicken today. He lassos Foggy good, but the rooster sends him on his way saying the kid is too small for hunting.

Henery is sad. Even young predators have to eat don’t they? Barnyard lends a sympathetic ear and offers a deal: one bone and he’ll help him get a chicken. (Guy must be starving today. He’s normally ready to get Henery Foghorn for free.) Henery takes the deal, but as a non-vulturis bird he doesn’t know how to find a bone. He asks a familiar looking cat for help. Seeing as how this guy has appeared in at least four different pictures, I guess it’s time for me to give him a name: Fred E. Cat.

Fred knows where bones are located as all cats do, but he’s not talking until he gets a fish. (Typical cat. Always wanting something for the most trivial task.) Now, where would Henery get a fish? He’s not an osprey or eagle! The nearby mouse knows and demands cheese for the info. But unlike the other two, he actually has the decency to tell Henery where that’s located. (Good thing too. It’d be kinda awkward if Henery met a goat who’d say where the stuff is located in exchange for some food.)

I take back what I said. The mouse was clearly trying to get a potential future predator dead, seeing as how the cheese he wants is on a mousetrap. Surprisingly, Foggy stops the little guy from getting seriously hurt by trying to show how to get the goods without the pain. He fails, but Henery gets the cheese regardless. Foghorn doesn’t really care what the kid wants with the dairy, as he’s readying his next prank: building a train set that will deliver a pie to the dawg’s face. (Is it just me? It looks like Foggy should be singing as he lays the tracks. Or is that just the goofiest smile he’s ever worn?)

Weirdly enough, the mouse tells Henery where to get fish as promised, but Henery is still holding onto the cheese. He really strolled up the rodent and said: “Here’s your cheese, give me my end of the bargain! And now it’s still mine until your tip pays off.”? (Think of how many awesome deleted scenes we’ll never get a glimpse of.) Foghorn once more tries to show how it’s done and is dragged into the water. (And somehow got the fish stuck in his crop. He still gives it to Henery.)

Henery does it again! He knows where to dig for a bone, but still has the fish! What a joik! Well, he’s doing the digging right, but his shovel is adorably small. Foghorn comes to dig for him with real tools, but Henery leaves once a single bone is unearthed. Then Henery finally gives the other animals their orders. Foghorn has witnessed it, and asks why he didn’t get a present. Demanding his due, he fails to notice Barnyard about to clobber him with the bone. Once properly knocked out, Henery takes the rooster away on the toy train. Hard work and good deeds pay off in the grand scheme of things.

Favorite Part: When Foghorn is giving fishing tips. The disgusted grimace Henery gives us is just wonderful.

Personal Rating: Foggy has some great lines here, but it feels like two different cartoons got spliced together and the misjoint is felt. It’s lucky to get a 3.