‘FANTASTICALLY ELASTIC’
Directed by Chuck Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Ken Harris, Abe Levitow, Richard Thompson, Keith Darling, and Ben Washam. Layouts and Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Effects Animation by Harry Love; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Orchestrations by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on October 10, 1959.
For the latest Road Runner chase, the credits are incorporated into Wile E.’s failed attempts. A true genius learns to work with your failures, so when Wile’s rocket hits a rock and he’s flung off, he utilizes the momentum to make his grab. He smashes into an archway. Well, he’s still got about five minutes to fill. What other schemes will fail today? Remember, the ones which don’t kill you, teach.
Wile E. tries to drop a rock on the R.R. It can change color, so it’s probably an octopus. (Yes, in the desert.) Wouldn’t you guess? It will not fall. He’s gonna have to jump on it to get it started. And not a quick “off-and-on” hop. I mean the real kind of jump. Better do several, just to be safe. That gets gravity off its lazy posterior. When Wile E. notices where he’s at, I can’t tell if he loses his scelera, or just gets one of those anime expressions where the eyes become little dots. What do you call those expressions? Does TV Tropes have any answers?
To save himself, Wile E. starts running. He runs fast enough to get the rock spinning, and it starts to slow his descent. If I knew anything about physics, I could explain in great detail why this works. Instead, you can see me say “It really works that way!” It really works that way! But the rock is pointed on its bottom end, and when spun, it acts as a drill. Upon touchdown, it bores into the ground below it, and right into a train tunnel. Complete with train. Miraculously, the rock gets the brunt of the attack, and Wile E. is relatively unharmed. Just dizzy. He should utilized those spinning powers. I’ve heard that animals with that tactic can succeed in Road Runner eating.
You can’t beat Acme’s prices. You can buy railroad track by the mile and tens of millions of feet of lumber at a fraction of the cost A-Jax charges. Add a rocket sled and you can build your own track for chasing your prey. Once again, things play out logically. Too much steep tracks builds up too much speed, and rather than straightening out onto the horizontal plane, Wile E. crashes through. (I still think you’re a genius! Build me a time machine!)
Big finish time! Wile E. has got himself one of those indestructo steel balls I’d keep telling my wife to buy me if I had a wife. The reviews are great. It really is indestructo and once inside, it’s like an absolutely safe capsule. But you can exit when you want! Awesome! Wile E. attempts to flatten Roady to the road, but just misses. A naturally bent rock formation flings him into a river. There’s plenty of oxygen his the ball, so Wile E. starts pushing himself to shore. But it’s not shore, it’s a… oh, dam.
Going over, he is tossed around the rapids below. This would probably be really fun if there was some sort of gyrosphere inside to keep you steady. But don’t worry, I’m still entertained. Rolling out, Wile E. leaves safety, dizzy, but living. An incoming train sends him back in, and he is swatted into a mine field. He explodes along, but the ball is still indestructo. It may be battered, but it’s still in one piece, and ultimately flung back to where it all began. And the bird watches as it all begins again. I give Wile E. a week tops before he’s going to opt for death. Yes, there are that many trains passing through.
Favorite Part: Road Runner’s got a great scientific name today: Batoutahelius. A way cooler sounding genus than Homo.
Personal Rating: 3