“Am-scray you m-m-mess of t-t-t-bones!”
Directed by Frank Tashlin. Released in 1937
We see the 515, which is a huge speeding train! Obviously, this must be Porky’s vehicle. Why else would his name be in the title? Guesswhatit’snot. Porky is the engineer of a more humble locomotive. Less of a 515, and more of a 13 1/2. Her name is Toots and she’s a crack train. (And so is her driver. Their words, not mine!) How slow is Toots? A snail is easily able to outpace her. But then, she is powered by a lone candle. Plus the occasional sprinkle of pepper to give her a speed boost.
Porky is forced to take a stop as their is a cow on the tracks who refuses to move. Of course, she does move when she feels like it, but while she leaves, a bull passes her by and heads into some nearby bushes. Porky missed this, and when he sees a tail on the tracks, he naturally assumes it’s the cow again. He pulls on it, but luckily finds out it’s not a cow in time, and he speeds off. But more bad news threatens to spoil his day, as the dispatch office is told that Porky’s train should be taken off the rails. A character named I. Fuller Cinders is to take his place in his shiny new ride, “The Silver Fish.”
Porky is sad, but proves he is mature by wishing Cinders good luck. He seems like a decent enough fellow, but he does have the gall to insult Toots. Porky actually confides to us that he is sure his train would win in a race. (He can see me!) Cinders heard it too, and accepts. The race begins and Cinders is clearly the owner of faster material. The Silver Fish can leap over boats, whereas Toots has to drive over them. (Clever nod to Schlesinger’s boat. Why else would it be called the S.S. Leon?)
As Porky is crawling along, he passes by that bull from earlier. And wouldn’t you know it? He’s still mad about Porky pulling his tail. He charges into Toots and the resulting momentum propels her over the finish line! Porky wins and is the new captain of The Silver Fish. (Poor Cinders, that was probably his first day on the job.) And Toots? Well, I guess Porky doesn’t want her anymore as she is a passenger on the new train, heading for the last hoosegow. Rest well ole girl. You did great out there.
Personal Rating: 3