Author: Dr. Foolio

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The Bear that Wasn’t

“You are a silly man, who needs a shave and wears a fur coat.”

This short isn’t a Looney Tune. It’s from MGM! (*Screams*, “Withcraft!” “It’s all over.”) Indeed. Why talk about it? It was directed by Chuck Jones and based on a book by Frank Tashlin. Good enough for me.

A bear takes note that the geese are migrating. He knows that this means it’s time to “hibernate.” (Bears don’t hibernate, they just sleep throughout most of winter. Hibernating means your body temperature drops as well.) While he snoozes, a factory is built over the cave he is in. Eventually, Spring arrives and the bear leaves the cave. He is shocked to find what has happened. A coffee/smoke break happens and the bear gets caught up in it. When it ends, the foreman scolds him for not going back to work. Luckily, the bear speaks English and tells him that he’s a bear. The foreman doesn’t believe him.

They keep going to higher authority to tell of the lazy/crazy “man” who thinks he’s a bear. Eventually they reach the president of the place. He tells him that he can’t be a bear, because bears don’t work at factories. He takes him to a zoo to confirm with the other bears. They agree that if he were a bear, he’d be in the enclosure with them. The bear goes back to work at the factory, and continues for quite some time. Eventually, Winter starts again and the bear is sad that he is a man, and therefore can’t go “hibernate.” Freezing, he decides to sleep in a cave anyway. Finally understanding that he is and always was all bear. Our moral is: Just because everyone say’s you are something, doesn’t mean it’s true. A very good moral in my opinion.

Personal Rating: 4

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Point Rationing of Foods

“Rationing assures everyone of his fair share.”

Yes, this is not technically a Looney Tune. But it was made by Warner Bros. so that is close enough for me.

Interestingly enough, this is what taught me about point rationing. For those of you who don’t know, we’ll start at the beginning. The short tells us that since it is WWII we need to save as much food and tin for our soldiers as we can. That leaves less food for us. How do we share it fairly, so we don’t create our own side war? Point Rationing!

A family would be given a book of stamps that could be exchanged for edible material. Everyone would get 48 points to use for a limited amount of time. Obviously enough, the less scarce the product was, the less points it would cost. And vice versa. Blue stamps could be exchanged for soup and produce, while the red ones could be exchanged for meat. Every store will charge the same number of points to be fair.

The short also shows us an example. A woman is going grocery shopping. Two of the items on her list are peas and dried fruit. The narrator suggest that she substitute green beans for the peas and fresh fruit over the dry kind. The beans can be obtained in a bigger size and the fresh fruit costs no points at all.  I’m proud to say that most of what i know about WWII is from Looney Tunes.

Personal Rating: Seeing as how it’s nothing more than a historical curiosity, it’s a 1.

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Rocket Squad

“A cop’s life isn’t all b-beer and skittles, you know.”

Directed by Chuck Jones

Our hero’s of this picture are two cops. Joe Monday (Daffy) and Schmoe Tuesday (Porky). Yes, they are smoking cigarettes. It’s stupid how everyone is so scared that they can’t ever show a cigarette in a cartoon. I think non-smokers will know better than to take it up, and kids are smarter than we give them credit for. (Knowledge wise, when it comes to entertainment kids are morons.)

Back on topic. The two are called by their chief to solve a case. They arrive at a building (heavily influenced by “Duck Dodgers in the Twenty fourth and a half Century“) and learn that the Flying Saucer Bandit is on the loose. They take a convenient evaporator that takes them directly to the scene of the crime. The acme clue collector is there, and gives them all the clues it’s gathered. They feed it to a machine which gives them some sheet music. They play it and this leads them to figure out it was George Machree. (the song playing was “Mother Machree”)

They go to the file of known criminals, (among which is Tedd Pierce, Chuck Jones, Eddie Selzer, and my idol: Mel Blanc) This tells them that their suspect is ordering from a sandwich machine. (I want one) You choose a filling, bread, and condiment. (Why is butter an option? Does it go with any of those fillings?) They arrive one minute too late and begin chasing. They find him using some smog as camouflage, and arrest him. Despite the fact he says he’s innocent. They take him to court and wouldn’t you know it? He WAS innocent. Because of the false arrest, the pair are sentenced to 30 years in prison.

Personal Rating: 3

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Claws for Alarm

“Tell me Sylvester; I-is there in-insanity in your family?”

Directed by Chuck Jones

Porky and pet, (Sylvester) come to a run down ghost town. Most people would call the place “creepy” or “unsettling” but not Porky. He calls it “Peaceful.” He decides they’ll spend the night at an inn. Whilst entering, there are evil eyes watching them. Sylvester is spooked by these and the shadow of a spider. (Porky doesn’t notice the eyes, but he makes me love him even more for saying arachnophobia is silly. I LIKE spiders!) Inside, there appears to be no one awake. Porky just decides to sign in himself. He fails to notice the moose with the noose above him. Sylvester shoves him out of harm’s way. Porky, not having noticed the danger, scolds him.

He leaves to go upstairs unaware that the noose moose has upgraded to a gun moose and takes aim. Sylvester saves him yet again by stealing the gun that fired. Porky assumes Sylvester is still to blame. While trying to sleep Porky doesn’t notice the Wile E. Coyote-esque mouse who tries to kill him. Sylvester does, and keeps saving his owner’s hide, despite the anger the oblivious Porky shoots at him. Sylvester eventually gets ahold of a gun the mice were using and guards Porky all night. Come morning, Porky declares that he feels so rested, they’ll stay at least a week more. Sylvester knocks him out, carries him to the car, and drives off. Not noticing the killer eyes behind the dashboard. (What is those mice’s problem?)

Personal Rating: 3

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The Windblown Hare

“Ah! There’s the straw house. Just like the book says.”

Directed by Robert Mckimson

Another year and that means another update. From now on, I list the directors.

The three little pigs are reading their story and find out their dwellings are doomed. They decide to sell the flimsy homes and all live in the brick house. Bugs comes by and decides to buy the hay home. (Despite the fact, he thinks $10.00 is a ripoff.) The wolf comes by, also following the book. He blows the house down much to Bug’s annoyance. Learning his lesson, he decides to buy a sturdier home. Like one of wood. The pigs laugh that he fell for it again, and leave together. (Also Red and Yellow switched shirts for whatever reason.)

When the wolf blows this new house down , Bugs decides it’s payback time. He dons a red riding hood, and tells the wolf to read that story. He does and realizes he’s late, runs to Grandma’s house and kicks her out. (Being too busy to eat her. Which she expects.) Bugs comes in and mentions how “her” certain features are bigger than normal. Adds proof by abusing the lupine. The wolf realizes he’s not Red (The girl, not the pig from earlier.) and Bugs refuses to give him the present he brought. Wolfie begs, and Bugs shoves the cake in his face.

A brief chase (including the gag where two people on stairs continuously switch the lights on and off) and the wolf is beaten. Bugs finds out he was trying to bother the pigs and decides it’s “Payback time part 2: The revenge of the Rabbit.” The wolf says he can’t blow down bricks, but Bugs makes him try. The pigs laugh as they know its fruitless. The wolf tries and succeeds, to his and the pigs amazement. Correction: Bugs helped. With dynamite.

Personal Rating: 3

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Robin Hood Daffy

“Ho! Ha Ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!”

Before we begin, I’m reminding you of the fact that this site’s birthday is this Saturday and it will be 3 years old. Every year I try to make an improvement to my posts. (Such as adding pics. and videos) This time I’ll also start to note who directed the short. Now then…

The credits are attached to arrows that hit their targets with impeccable grace. No wonder. The archer (Daffy) was firing from 2 ft. away. He sings about being Robin Hood before tripping into a pond. A friar (played by Porky) laughs at his misfortune. Daffy aims to silence him with his quarter staff. (Actually, its a buck and a quarter-quarter staff, but he’s not telling him that.) The first time he smacks himself in the bill and the second time, he is bested by Porky who sends him into the drink.

Porky finally gets a grip on himself and asks the “clown” he just met if he knows Robin Hood’s whereabouts. He wishes to join him. Daffy happily tells him his quest is over, but Porky refuses to believe someone this hilarious could be the legend of Sherwood Forest. Daffy claims he will prove his story by robbing a good candidate for the ugliest cartoon character ever, and giving it to some poor undeserving slob. (I love his standards.)

He aims an arrow but only fires himself. In a bit of a legendary gag, he swings from a tree to hit many more trees. Angered he chops them down, and smacks into a boulder. Eventually he launches a huge arrow at the rich pers-… thing, but it sails under him and makes a path to the castle he was headed to. Porky is still not convinced but that’s okay. Daffy has given up trying to prove anything and becomes a friar himself. (I hope Porky isn’t too sad, when he never finds Robin Hood.)

Personal Rating: 4

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An egg Scramble

“Th-Th-There’s nothing embarrassing about a hen laying an egg!”

This short takes place on the same farm Porky had in “Swooner Crooner.” He goes to his hens to gather eggs. (He abandoned the conveyor belts for more natural means) One hen named Prissy, (making her debut here) doesn’t lay eggs out of embarrassment. (If people laid eggs, would that be considered private? And what’s wrong with me asking that?) Porky tells her that it’s an egg, or her head. The other hens laugh as they believe she is too old to accomplish such a feat. This makes Prissy determined and she gets to work.

The others decide to play a trick and put one of their eggs in her nest. Prissy falls for it and happily hands out cigars and shows Porky the fruits of her labor. When Porky asks for the egg, she refuses. Porky takes it anyway and give it to a truck bound for the grocery store. Prissy follows. In the store, she is thrown out for throwing the eggs out of the… bins? That’s not American.  Refrigeration was around!

Anyways, Prissy does find it in the home of a relatively hot blonde. Despite clearly seeing the name on the egg, she attempts to boil it. Prissy keeps turning the stove off until the woman catches her, forcing the hen to flee. Meanwhile, Porky goes to the police to see if they can help find his bird. They’re too busy for that though. They are extremely close to catching this short’s criminal, Pretty Boy Bagel. Prissy find herself in his hideout and alerts him to the cops. He hurls bricks at them. (Prissy believes he’s defending her.)

The cops finally get both of them out with a tear gas bomb. Porky has Prissy back and at home, threatens her for the egg once more. Prissy refuses until the other hens reveal that she never laid the egg. Depressed, Prissy drops the egg and turns around just in time to miss it hatch. Into a mini-her. Awwwwww

Personal Rating: 3

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Bye, Bye Bluebeard

“T-That old bluebeard can’t scare me. Much.”

While doing some eating “exercises” Porky is tormented by a mouse that apparantly has been bothering him for quite some time. After chasing the rodent off, Porky hears on the radio that a psychotic killer, (named Bluebeard) is at large. He boards up his house only to find the killer is already in his house! Or a mouse dressed up like a murderer. (Anyone else see it?) Porky begs for his life and offers the psycho anything in exchange for his life. The mouse likes the idea of a steak dinner.

As he is pleasing his “guest” Porky gets more info on the killer. Apparently he’s 6 feet eleven inches. Not 3. Porky chases the mouse intending to finish him off, but finds the real Bluebeard instead. (What was he doing? Lying under Porky’s table? Why? Was it more comfortable than standing?) He ties Porky to a missile and goes to eat the food. (Porky meanwhile, continuously pulls the fuse out of the missile, lengthening the time limit by precious milliseconds.) The mouse not wanting to lose food that technically WAS made for him, harasses the guy. (Probably the most pies in the face you’ll ever see in a Looney Tunes short.)

The mouse gets away and noticing Porky still isn’t dead, Bluebeard makes a guillotine. The mouse decides to help and right before Porky is about to become diced, announces that Bluebeard’s meal is ready. Bombs, or as Bluebeard assumes: Popovers.  Realizing what he ate, he rushes to the medicine cabinet and makes a concoction. (In the cabinet we see such things as: uch, alky haul, Frizby mixture, McKimsons solution, Ted Pierces medicine, Jones laxatives, and Maltese minestrone. Yum!) He takes his tonic but blows up anyway. Now safe, Porky and the mouse are now eating buddies. (I’m giving the mouse a name too. Henceforth he shall be known as Cheeseball.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Daffy Duck slept Here

“B-B-Bunes noches.”

Porky is having trouble finding a hotel. Apparently there is a convention going on. (D.O.P.E.? Um, lets assume it stands for: “Double Oysters. Preferably Everywhere.”) Hotels are so busy that there’s a line of people waiting for hotels that are yet to be open. One man at a hotel carefully places a sign that announces a vacancy. A tidal wave of people try to make it in, but my boy Porky snags it. The catch? He’s staying with someone else in one room. In the room he spies a picture of his roomie. (Daffy) He assumes that he is a very level-headed character. (He don’t know him very well, do he?)

Porky attempts to rest. At that point, a drunken Daffy returns singing about Hymie. Who is Hymie? An invisible, 6 ft. kangaroo. Porky won’t believe this, even when it is proven to be true. (Or it’s just Daffy being Daffy.) They attempt to share a bed, but Daffy constantly torments Porky by asking dumb questions, spilling water on the bed, snoring, and putting his cold feet on Porky. Not able to stand it, Porky shoves Daffy in a pillowcase and throws him out the window.

Daffy returns later and aims to get revenge. He puts up a false scene in the window and makes a drowsy Porky think his train is leaving. Daffy pulls the shade down after Porky leaves, claiming it too gruesome to watch. Imagine his surprise when he hears a whistle and looks out to see Porky leaving on the train. Daffy comments on how silly the situation is: He didn’t get Porky any magazines to read on the trip.

Personal Rating: 3

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Porky Pig’s Feat

“Insulting my integrity, eh Fatso!?”

At the “Broken Arms Hotel” Porky is looking over the bill. It costs $152.50. (Dang. If only that were possible today!) He doesn’t have the money, but that’s okay. His (platonic) partner, Daffy, is cashing a check. Or rather, he’s gambling. And he loses it all. He slumps back to the room and hears the manager say he hopes Daffy will have the cash. Insulted, Daffy runs in and shouts several things into the managers face. He challenges Daffy to a duel. More angry, Daffy also challenges him to a duel with a horse shoe full glove.

Down for the count, Daffy grabs Porky, their luggage and runs to the elevator. The manager (I’m calling him Chubs) somehow made it down to the ground floor first, and marches them back to their room. He also says that they will never leave until they pay. Daffy pulls the rug out from under him and he rolls down an eternity of stairs. That doesn’t stop him and he runs right back up. Daffy tries the rug trick again, but Chubs pretends to fall, as to lure Porky and Daffy back out. Daffy finally agrees to pay.

The cost has gone up to include the damages. ($500.62. Still, not bad for today.) Daffy hits him on the head and a chase scene ensues. Chubs chases them to a door, that has endless doors between it and the room. (Plus an Avery-esque sign.) Porky makes a rope and they slide down the window. (Daffy stopping to whistle at a hot chick in a magazine.) At the bottom, a random hand gives Porky a hotfoot. (Who was that? Chubs? Frank Tashlin? Sewer James?) Pokry leaps back up in pain knocking him and Daffy back to their room. (But not before Daffy ogles the woman again.)

Soaking their burned bodies, they find Chubs finally caught up to them, and they make a rope that can swing this time. They end up in another building that Chubs somehow got to, and he swings them back to the “Broken Arms”. Then he barricades them in their room. Months go by and Daffy and Porky are starting to go nuts. (Porky is pretty forgiving, since this is all his platonic partners fault.) I assume they got food, and Chubs is torturing them. He knows they have no money. (Hey look. “Porky loves Petunia”! Adorable!)

Porky suggests that Bugs Bunny could help them. Daffy calls him his hero. (I guess he was a fan until Bugs stole the spotlight.) They call Bugs and ask for help. After suggesting all the things they already tried, Bugs reveals he knew they wouldn’t work. He’s trapped in the next room. (Only appearance in a b/w short, and first time onscreen with Daffy. That’s history in the making!)

Personal Rating: 4