Now that Summer is Gone

“Poppa needs a new pair o’ shoes.”

Directed by Frank Tashlin. Released in 1938.

Another year has gone by, and in the tradition of updating each year, I will now list the year in which the day’s featured short was released. So, let’s begin.

It’s Fall, and that means the squirrels are busily storing acorns for the winter to come. All except one little squirrel. Work is for those who don’t like to have fun. He’d much rather gamble for them. He wins and the other all storm off. (What poor losers.) Unfortunately, the squirrel’s father shows up and scolds him for his deeds. (The other squirrels laugh and tell him that gathering acorns is the right way to do it. Hypocrites.) Despite his dad’s warnings, Jr. keeps it up and wins all the time. Soon enough, it’s time to go get their acorn supply from the “nutional bank.” His dad reminds him to not gamble while doing so, but he immediately runs into another squirrel who offers to play with him.

Admist a montage of dice, cards and roulette wheels, the little squirrel steadily loses everything. (Obviously that older guy is cheating.) With nothing left to win, the gentleman leaves and Jr. sadly heads home. Once there, he begins telling a tale of how bandits beat him up and stole the acorns. (They must’ve been nice enough to clean him up afterwards.) Too engrossed in his fib, he doesn’t notice his dad putting on the disguise he was wearing. (Are you shocked?) But he does soon enough. Having caught his delinquent son in the act, his father plans to give him ten lashes. Has Jr. learned his lesson? Will he take the punishment like a man? Heck No! He offers double or nothing but gets paddled anyway. We hear his cries of pain all through the ending.

Personal Rating: 3

Little Beau Porky

“You! Scrub my Camel!”

Directed by Frank Tash

At a Foreign Legion outpost, “Le Comandent” comes out to speak to the troops. He has so many medals, he jangles whenever he steps. Looking over everyone, he sees Porky at the end dozing off. He calls him up for a camel wash. As they walk, Porky imitates him, but “Le Comandent” is not amused. Porky tries his best to wash the ungulate, but it keeps standing up and laying down. Whichever is the opposite of Porky’s location.

While that is happening, an injured soldier comes by to deliver a message. It seems like a man named Ali Mode is coming to attack. Everybody rushes out to the rescue. Even Porky. (Riding the camel that I’m pretty sure was established to not be his) “Le” tells him that as a camel scrubber, he is not allowed to come. Claiming he’s not scared, Porky locks up everything anyway. (Says he felt a draft.)

With everyone gone, Ali tries to take advantage of the (what he believes is empty) post. He knocks at the door Porky is hammering shut, and gets the Pig to believe it’s an echo. Soon enough, Porky catches on and Ali’s forces attack. They dig into the base, but Porky chops a tree that lands on all of them, and sends them back outside. Porky defends the whole place, and he kicks butt! Even that camel I don’t think he owns helps out. At the end of the short, it’s revealed that Porky is now “Le Comandant.” (He has so many medals, they hang off of his uniform.) Even that camel gets some recognition. With medals stretched between his humps. (Wait, how’d a bactrian camel get here anyway?)

Personal Rating: 3

Little Pancho Vanilla

“You will never be bullfighter. You will always be, Mamacita’s good little machachito.”

Directed by Frank Tashlin

Our main character, Pancho, is reading a book on bullfighting. His mother however, is very discouraging and pretty much tells him he sucks. As Pancho (whose age is also never mentioned) sulks, three senoritas (of unidentifiable age) walk by. They cheerfully say hi, but Pancho is too busy brooding to be polite. The girls sing/mock him. (That’s the best part) Their attention is grabbed by a poster, that shows Clark Gable as a toreador. He’s apparently the greatest in the world! Or at least in Mexico. Pancho knows of one better: himself. The girls laugh. Come the big day, Pancho tries to enter the amateur entrance with everyone else. (At least he’s not insisting he’s a pro) He is turned away due to being too short. He sits on a wagon and grumbles at the fact they’re not letting him in, because he would scare the bull. (Suddenly, I have a huge craving for sour grapes) Inside, the bull is making billiard balls out of everyone. They bounce around, (dissapearing) and one flies out and lands on the wagon Pancho’s on. This launches him into the arena. He lands on the bull who is knocked down. Getting his second wind, the bull charges. Pancho may not be very big, but he is fast and gets out of the way. The bull still launches him, but Pancho launches him right back. Not fooling around, the bull revs up and gives a mighty charge that sends Pancho into the air. He falls on the bull and knocks him out for good. Back with his mom, Pancho and the girls (who I think I will name: Rose, Rosie, and Rosita) tell her what happened. She still acts kinda like a jerk. (You could’ve gotten hurt) But at least she makes use of Pancho’s first prize: a washing machine.

Personal Rating: 2

The Case of the Stuttering Pig

“I’m going to get rid of those pigs!”

Directed by Frank Tashlin

Ahh. It feels good to be talking about my good pal, Porky again. Our story begins and, “It was a dark and stormy night.” Inside a house, there are six pigs. The majority of which seem frightened out of their wits, but my man Porky is smiling. Until, there’s a knock at the door. That sends all of them into the air. (I would like to point out that Porky IS wearing pants in this short) There’s no need to worry however, it’s only thier good friend, Lawyer Goodwill. (voiced by Billy Bletcher. Yeah, he can play a nice character can’t he?) Apparently, good, old, uncle Solomon Swine, (who looks an awful lot like Olliver Hardy) had passed away. Goodwill is here to read the (good) will. Or rather, he just lets them read it. Is that allowed? Seems their Uncle is leaving his entire house to his niece and nephews. (And he also seems to not want to be burried on the lone prarie.) But wait! There’s more! If they die, then Solomon’s friend, Goodwill gets everything! (They seem a little too interested in reading that part) Goodwill leaves. *phew* I though for sure he’d kill them. I’m sure it’s perfectly normal to have a secret lair in the basement of your dead friends house. Goodwill must be thirsty as he pours himself a nice glass of “Jeckyll and Hyde Juice.” Turning into something I’m sure we’ve all seen in our nightmares at some point, he announces his plan to remove what stands in the way of his inheiritance. (Huh. I never saw it coming.) He tells us all in the audience that we can’t do jack to help. (darn) Especially the guy in the third row. Anyways, Porky and his (siblings? cousins? I don’t think it’s ever stated) are all getting settled in. But the lights keep turning off and on, and each time, another of the pigs dissapear. First, Patrick. Then Peter. And Percy. And then Portus. Until thery’re all gone. Well, acutally, Porky and Petunia just went hiding behind the chair. (Out of all Petunia’s appearances, this is the only one where she and Porky are related.) Goodwill meanwhile, tells the others how he plans to do them in, as soon as he gets the last two. (why not? might as well get it done all at once) Before leaving, he mocks theĀ  third row guy again. He captures Petunia quite easily, but I guess decides to have fun with Porky first, as he just follows him in Petunia’s place. When Porky notices, he runs up the stairs and leaps into the safety of Goodwill’s arms. (That juice must give you superhuman abilities. and duck feet) Porky runs again and finds his…sibl…cous…family stuck in some stocks. He frees them, but it appears to be too late! Goodwill has them cornered and moves in for the kill. When, all of a sudden, a chair flies in, hits Goodwill, and lands him in the stocks himself. Who could have done such a kind gesture? It’s the guy in the third row of course. (Voiced by Mel Blanc, in his normal voice)

Personal Rating: 4

Daffy Duck and Egghead

“I’m not crazy, I just don’t give a darn!”

Directed by Tex Avery

Only his second appearance and Daffy is already funnier than most people on TV today.

Before the credits even begin, we see two walnuts. Daffy and Egghead each pop out of one, setting the scene. Egghead is hunting and is quite annoyed when a theater-goer won’t sit down. Egghead politely asks him to sit. He won’t. Egghead shoots him. He hears quacking, and pulls back the reeds to receive a bill bite to the nose. Daffy has joined the picture. Egghead winds up a duck decoy and lets “her” go towards Daffy. He is not amused and throws it back along with a sign. (“Ta’int funny, Mcgee!”)

A random turtle encourages them to duel which Daffy cheats at and gets the turtle shot. Daffy then puts an apple on his head for Egghead to shoot off. Egghead continuously misses. Daffy goes right up to the barrel of the gun and Egghead STILL misses. Daffy gives him a cup of pens, sunglasses, and a “blind” sign. (“Too bad, too bad.”) Daffy leaves to sing “Merry go round broke down” with his reflection.

Egghead fires at Daffy again, but Daffy pulls out a frightening mask, that has the bullets hiding back in the gun. Egghead stuffs some gloves into the gun’s barrel, attaches them to a fishing line and fires. The gloves knock Daffy out and bring back Egghead’s prize. He’s elated. Just then a truck from the insane asylum arrives. The driver takes Daffy and thanks Eggy for the help. Apparently, they’ve been hunting him for awhile now. The key word is “apparently”. The doctor is just as crazy as Daffy and the two “Hoo-hoo” into the sunset. Egghead snaps and joins them.

On a unrelated topic: R.I.P. Bob Hoskins. You were my favorite live-action actor in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”

Personal Rating: 4

Daffy Duck and the Dinosaur

“Well, I’ll bet you’re cranky before breakfast, too.”

Directed by Chuck Jones

Happy Birthday to Me! (Tomorrow.) Let’s celebrate with another Looney Tunes short! (I love those.)

As it begins, there is a disclaimer that there is no reason that this short takes place in prehistoric times. It just does. We see our host for this short, Casper Caveman. (I said ‘Casper’ not ‘Captain’.) He’s hungry and that means it’s time to go hunting. After calling for Fido, his pet sauropod. (Heck if I know what species he is!) Coming to a lake, he spies half of the cartoon’s namesake. He decides to eat this duck as it’s his favorite vegetable.

Casper slings a rock at Daffy, but he easily avoids it and gets it to hit Fido in the head. Daffy is safe in the water as there is no swimming allowed. (For cavemen, not ducks.) Casper decides to try elsewhere. (Remember me saying I saw a clip of “Corny Concerto” on Bill Nye? I saw clip of this one on the show too. Of course, I was the only kid in the class who knew that. It’s hard to be me.)

Daffy paints himself on a rock and when Casper clubs it, it gives him a monster headache. Daffy cures him and Casper (quite graciously) puts out a hand to shake. Daffy instead gives him a card advertising the best duck ever! Free to be eaten even! Casper follows many signs only to arrive at a ginormous duck. Really just an inflatable, courtesy of Daffy. (Where he got that had better not be your biggest question.) Casper sums up his courage and stabs it. KABLOOMER! The resulting explosion ends up killing Fido, Casper, and Daffy. (Check it out! Casper the ghost!) Daffy wonders if that was his best idea.

Personal Rating: 3

Pigs is Pigs

“And please, could we have alots of ice cream, tonight?”

I remember when I first watched this. I had just got done killing off a case of the munchies, and decided to keep watching that Looney Tunes DVD set I got for my birthday. Turns out irony can be delicious too.

Our short shows a house full of happy piglets. For the most part. One piglet, Piggy (no relation to the other W.B. character named that,) doesn’t want to play. He’d rather obsess over food. Sniffing some pies his mother made, he grabs one, spins it on his finger and eats. He attempts to do this with the other, but is caught. She scolds, but her words fall on hungry ears and he just goes back to fantasizing.

Later, it is dinner time. Piggy’s favorite time. Mom says they must all say grace, but they pray instead. (Laugh. I’m funny.) During this, Piggy ties all the spaghetti strands together. As soon as the grace is over, he digs in and slurps down the rest of the family’s supper, to his mother’s anger. The next day, he is invited into the house of some creepy, yellow, hiccuping, bald guy with the voice of Billy Bletcher. (Pete the cat, Henrey Bear, etc.) He offers him a feast and Piggy happily sits down to eat. Oh no! It’s a trap! He is strapped into the chair, and a clamp clamps his snout. The mad man is going to give him all the food he can handle, and then some!

First course, soup. (Red pea soup? Oxtail soup?) A water wheel made of spoons, paddles into his forced open mouth. He has bananas shot down his throat and a gumball machine doling out olives as fast as he can be forced to swallow. Next, ice cream. Bellows puff air through the cone and launches the ice cream into his head. (What a waste of cones.) Time for the main course! A sandwich the size of a mattress! (First use of Freleng’s “Hold the onions” gag.) He is forced to chew it, and then for dessert he is fed pies (spun like the way he ate his mother’s) from a pie-a-trope.

After a montage of all this repeating, the piglet has become a ball of food inside a bag of skin. The man lets him go, but tells him he’s not half full. Piggy goes to leave, but can’t resist a turkey leg for the road. He takes a bite and blows up. Wow. That was morbid.

Okay okay, he wakes up. It was all a dream. And what does he do now that he’s safe at home? Eat breakfast of course.

And after I finished watching for the first time, I decided to go eat more too. I’m an American and therefore, I can eat pure fat like it’s carrot sticks.

Personal Rating: 5

Porky and Teabiscuit

“They’re off! Yes, sir they’re off in a doud of clust! Err a cloud of rust! Er a bust of crust!… Ah, there they go.”

In this short Porky is just a kid. (Or maybe a teen? He can drive and is eligible for a horse race. I have no idea how old you’d have to be.) His father, Phineas Pig (and the one who gave Porky a stutter) tells him to take some feed down to the racetrack, and bring back $11.00. Porky is excited as he LOOOOOOOOVES racing!

After delivering the food, he watches an auction. An old guy asks him for the time. He is hard of hearing and Porky has to yell that it’s eleven. Just as the auctioneer is asking for that exact amount. Porky apparently bought a rope. What a ripoff. But wait! There is something at the end of the rope. A real Racehorse. No, not the beautiful creature Porky admires, but a sickly, frail, equine named Teabiscuit. (He looks like an underfed camel.)

Porky can’t believe his rotten luck. Luckily, there is a race, and after deducting prices, the prize would be eleven bucks. Porky goes to get ready and TB wanders around. He seems to really enjoy a trombone being played in a band. Just then, a child’s balloon pops and sends the horse running back to the stables, where Porky is waiting. (He somehow got a uniform. Probably killed one of the weaker jockeys.)

They race, but it is obvious they aren’t exactly the racing type. (Heck, I doubt they’re the plowing type either.) Things get more complicated when Teabiscuit watches the trombone again. Porky tries to get him to move, but can’t compete with the siren’s song. Another balloon pops and scares the horse so bad, that he runs so fast and actually wins. He gets scared again by the victory photo camera flashes, and runs to his best friend for comfort: the trombone. He plays “Good Evening Friends” to end us off.

Personal Rating: 3

Porky in Egypt

“THE CAMELS ARE COMING! THE CAMELS ARE COMING!”

Lets start off this year with another porky short! Particularly one that will keep us warm during the long cold winter.

Our story takes place in Egypt. After a few gags we get to the main story. A camel caravan is about to make its way to view the pyramids. (and by caravan, I mean one freakishly huge camel) Porky wants to go to, but misses the departure. He sets out on his own on a camel named Humpty-Bumpty. (Stolen? Rented? Actually belongs to Porky? Never answered.)

They begin their journey. Unfortunately, the angry sun from “Super Mario Bros. 3” is here, and demonstrates its power by annihilating an oasis. The heat soon gets to poor Humpty, and he gets the horrible, dreaded “Desert Madness!” He hears disturbing, disembodied voices calling his name, he sees herds of imaginary camels, and he soon runs off leaving Porky behind to die.

Porky finds him in a pool of water in Palm Springs, (Stop sweating Porky, Pigs are incapable of doing that!) only to find the hard way that it’s a mirage. Humpty finally gets some sense knocked into him and apologizes to Porky saying he’s fine now. He begins to hear the voices again and speeds back to the town, with Porky in tow. Now back in there (House? Inn? Random building? Never answered.) Humpty is glad to be both safe and sane. Then to his horror we see Porky now has the madness.

Great way to start a year huh?

Personal Rating: 3

Porky’s Party

“M-Mad dog!” “M-Mad dog!”

It’s Porky’s Birthday! (He’s 5 years old?) And it just so happens that his uncle has sent him a silkworm as a present. (Porky’s address states residency in Hollywood.) To get the silkworm to work, one must say “sew”. At first it works great, making a nice sock. Then we see how naughty the insect really is, as he knits a bra next.

Porky puts it away, as it is time to prepare for his guests. His dog, Black Fury, follows and watches Porky pour on some hair growth formula. The dog follows suit, and discovers it’s 99% alcohol. He starts chugging it. At the door Porky greets his first guest. Random Penguin who seems to have only come for the food. (At least he gave Porky a present. I wonder what’s in it.) His other guest is Goosey. Some moronic goose, who only gives Porky a gag handshake. Porky comments on the fact that he is “so silly.” SO silly?

The silkworm starts his stuff and various pieces of womens underwear comes out of Porky’s clothes. In panic he throws it away and it lands in the penguin’s ice cream. (He is really going to twon, ain’t he? Not even a brain-freeze.) The bird soon finds a sock and a top hat in the dessert. Worse still, he finds a hat in his head. (He ate the silkworm!) His head keeps popping up into a top hat shape, to his frustration. Goosey tries to help by hitting him with a hammer, and slamming him into a wall. (According to storyboards, these two were originally supposed to be Gabby Goat and Petunia Pig. No idea why they changed from ungulates to birds.)

Back to Black Fury. The formula seems to have worked as he is now covered in hair. Drunk, he decides to shave. He slathers on some shaving cream, and accidentally turns on the “Letrick” shaver. Scared, he runs to Porky. But because of his appearance, they all think he is rabid. All three run. (Pengy seems to not have hat problems now.) After a chase, the penguin and dog are stuck in a bed together. They fight and it is revealed who the dog is. Seeing this, the penguin rolls up his… arm? Sleeve? And says “so” ready for another fight. The silkworm who is still not digested begins making more clothes, eventually wrapping the penguin in a cocoon. Goosey then hits him on the head again.

Personal Rating: 3