Category: Looney Tunes

Cartoons that were labeled as “Looney Tunes.”

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Buddy’s Lost World

“Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!”

Supervision by Jack King; Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Sandy Walker; Music by Norman Spencer. A Looney Tune released on May 18, 1935.

Buddy and Bozo are setting off on an expedition to find a lost world. If you know it exists, is it really considered “lost”? I ask because I care. I’m not the only one. Look at those crowds seeing the two off! They’re either well wishers or scientists. Yep. Definitely none of them are just happy to see Buddy leave and hopefully never come back. That would be a shame. And where’s Cookie?

After traveling for hours I guess, the two explorers spot land. Good thing, as a dog can’t live of human meat for long. Pro tip: bring something to eat when you plan to travel somewhere that probably doesn’t have a 7-11. After getting back to the soil, Buddy checks his map to confirm this is a lost island. He has a map of this place? So, no, it isn’t lost. Buddy is just trying to take credit for something the vikings already did. Considering what tomorrow is, do you still wonder why I chose this short?

Bozo starts to sniff and immediately finds a new type of creature that camouflages itself as humanoid footprints. It works great when actual footprints are nearby. Bozo is lucky he found the last of them! While following the fauxprints (Podiprintus incognito) Bozo walks between some fascinating tree trunks. I know I saw a similar gag in the Mickey cartoon “The Moose Hunt”. I’d be happy to call it a coincidence, if the sauropod didn’t start sniffing along after. This is an homage! And a scientific breakthrough! An extant madeupasaurus! The only thing bigger would be finding a live coelacanth.

As Bozo flees, it happens to come across the real inhabitants of this land: humans. Humans that still display some animalistic characteristics, such as burying bones. I wasn’t entirely sure if it was supposed to be a dog with a human face or not, until it refused to get a whiff of Bozo’s scent glands. (Hey, it looked like that was where Mr. King was going with this.) Bozo isn’t a thief, and tries digging up something for himself. The bone he finds still has a majority of its friends with it, and he ends up trapped under the rib-cage.

Buddy to the rescue. (He’s been documenting plants.) Help the poor puppy out, would ya? Those whines sound too authentic to be funny. Once he’s taken care of it, Buddy finally catches sight of the human. Forgetting any trepidation he had earlier, Bozo gives chase. Turns out, running on all fours was the most natural way these people could have evolved. It not only makes them twice as fast, but keeps them from developing tools. The first step towards war.

The chase leads to a… chamber. Maybe it’s a hollowed out tree? And the primitive door keeps Buddy out. Not really understanding how doors work all of a sudden, Buddy just calls for the canine to come out. He… he can’t hear you. And excess noise is just alerting predatoooooors. Here we see another marvel of nature. A type of plant that grows in front of these entrances, and feeds on the ones who don’t get shelter. One organism gets fed, and the other gets rid of competition for mates. Perfect mutualism! Buddy is plant food. I’m sure some people are glad he finally found his purpose.

Evolution hasn’t really perfected this plant yet. Instead of having a chamber in which the prey can drown and dissolve, they just go straight to the roots. This works great if the roots come out under ground and the victim has no alternative to inhaling sediment, but this plant has been growing awhile and its roots are starting to poke out of a cliff face. Buddy peers down and sees the sort of lifestyle these primitive humans have. It’s a male dominated society, because hayes code forbid we get to see sexy, stone-age sluts. The hierarchy is built on some kind of rules: you’re either the mount or the rider during croquet. (Or if that effeminate voice is any indication, this is just the village of homosexuals.)

Buddy tries to climb down a tree trunk to get a closer look, but its a sauropod again. Good thing they are vegetarian, and more importantly, friendly. I want one. Having fun feeding an animal, (which really is fun, if not ethical) he doesn’t notice some people have taken notice. … Of him. He’s too busy showing off his superpower: the ability to completely disappear for half a second. It astounds those who can’t blink. The men plan to capture Buddy, and they have just the bait to lure him in: Bozo! They set him on a human-sized mousetrap, a human trap, basically,  and let his cries do the rest.

Buddy falls for it. Oh, I’m sure he would have recognized it as a trap if was smaller and not effective. Not a trap, basically. With the two caught: it’s time to eat them. You know, why do natives always want to eat new people? They obviously don’t fear them, or they’d just kill them and leave them alone. No, it’s always got to be a soup. Maybe they’re just susceptible to colds? Buddy doesn’t try to climb out, because that would be rude. All he can do is call for help and hope one of the nonexistent ladies will find him cute. It may sound kinky, but I’d also choose being a pet over a dinner. (Unless their killing method was fast and painless, of course.)

His cries find the ears of his dinosaurian friend. He’s grown considerably, given the scale he is to the dwellings. And look at that neck! It wasn’t that thick before. And now look at the bottom of the screen. Where did that rock come from? Is it the source of Buddy’s invisibility ability? With the natives gone, Buddy’s animal friends shower him with kisses. I bet when he gets back to his boat, he’ll find a different plant ate it.

Favorite Part: When Buddy leaves on his journey. He doesn’t notice his boat is still tied to the dock, and it falls apart dumping everyone into the water. Yes, by “accident” I’m sure.

Personal Rating: 2. You can’t do much wrong with a lost world idea, but why focus on the humans? Why would humans even be there? Apart from the fact it ages more tastefully, there’s no reason the land can’t be Africa and the helper, an elephant.

 

 

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Bosko’s Dizzy Date

“Come on over, Bosko.”

Bosko and Bruno.

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Bob McKimson. A Looney Tune released on February 6, 1933.

You know what’s funny? “Porky’s Preview.” You know what’s odd? This short’s history. From what I can gather, this cartoon was originally made under another title, “Bosko and Honey.” It was also meant to appear in 1932. Instead, it got held back due to a good sum of reused animation from older works. Strange, yet, the original print can still be viewed. There’s really no need in discussing the one theatergoers didn’t see. But maybe there’s a parallel universe where things are switched around and I’d be blogging a-

Bosko and Honey

“Make it snappy, Bosko.”

Directed by Hugh Harman; Drawn by Rollin Hamilton and Robert MacKimson; Music by Frank Marsales. A Looney Tune released in 1932.

You know what’s humorous? “Breakdowns of 1939.” You know what’s strange? This short’s history. From what I understand, this was the original print of  a short set to debut, but got the axe for reusing too much older footage. While still able to be seen today, the finished print was a different cartoon entirely. It was titled “Bosko’s Dizzy Date.” Both prints are near identical, but since this was the original version, I’ll only discuss it. They’re pretty much the same thin-

-ney is teaching Wilber the fine art of violining. He’s not enjoying himself, and since this is his final appearance, why not let him spend his time doing something pleasant? I know my eardrums would appreciate it. Besides, his white arm disease might be catching. Quarantine the kid! And are you his guardian? Honey decides she might as well not suffer alone, so she calls up her boyfriend. He’s sleeping, so it falls to Bruno to answer the pho-

-ney asks the dog to rouse the sleepy Bosko, and Bruno complies. He shambles over to the phone, more dead than alive. Just like everyone who wakes up before ten A.M. He perks right up upon hearing his sweet-voiced Honey, and agrees to come right over. Honey goes back to her music lesson, but finds Wilber dancing on the keys. Little brat. Are you his guardian? Spank him! It’s not like he could prove you beat him black and b-

-osko decides to give the atmosphere a bit of a breather today, and bikes over to his honey-voiced sweetie. Whenever he enters a pipe, he and Bruno switch roles. Bosko makes for a rather cute dog. But for Honey’s sake, I hope he’s been neut-

-sounds just like that dog who joins him on the end card. I had no idea he was so good at impres-

-ogress goes backwards a bit when Bruno ends up running in a bit of pipe with Bosko caught on top, but falling into a pit fixes everything. Upon arriving, Bosko hears the affront to music that is Wilber. He decides to demonstrate what tunes and melodies are supposed to sound like via his saxophone. Honey is grateful to hear something that doesn’t make her ears envious of the mouth’s ability to vomit. She sings along while Bosko shows off some classic dance moves. Angry at being put in his place, Wilber empties a tub of water on-

-ater doesn’t dampen Bosko’s spirits at all. In fact, he’s able to blow bubbles just like before. Honey dances down them so she can join her BF on an outing. Have fun teaching yourself Wilber. There are no refunds for your lessons. Honey accepts cash or c-

-aught off guard via the sudden drink, but his bathing suit always appears when he needs it, so none of his good clothes were ruined. Still, as punishment, Wilber is banned from the rest of the picture. Bosko takes Honey on his bike, and they pass through the local barnyard. Scaring chickens, and both entering a barn, but Honey exiting on a steer. That’s the pure essence of comedy: a lady riding a bovine against her free will. Tired and cliche it may be, but Bosko yuks it up. You really need to learn to laugh at yourself, beautif-

-aithful Bruno tags behind with the picnic basket, but those trees are calling to him. I’m lying. The tree he has his sights set on knows full well what he intends to do, and kicks him away. Seems its bark is worse than Bruno’s bark. I think that can be my favorite joke. Bosko and Honey, meanwhile, have made themselves comfortable on a log. Bosko then offends Honey agai–

-fails to find the humor in her little mishap, but it’s more than just a figurative storm brewing. The two run for shelter while Bruno is left to get struck by the lightning. Poor little guy. Remember Bosko: dogs should always have priority over lady friends. If they don’t agree, they’re not a good match for you. They take refuge under a bridge, but a nearby pipe still catches Bosko in a deluge. There’s that laugh I wanted Honey to have. Don’t know what was so ‘dizzy’ about this date though. Wasn’t even a torn-

-hat’s where it ends. That was your outing? You really need to get Honey a present to make up for wasting her ti-

-orite Part: The fact that Honey didn’t find it at all odd that Bruno was the one answering the phone. Guess his breed is secretary. Now, the rating I’ll be giving can be applied to the other short as well. That’s-

-onal Rating: 1. Feels like two different cartoons were smushed together because they didn’t know how to end one, and finish the other. I don’t see why they were so afraid to release this one. It was barely changed for i-

-theatrical release. Hope you aren’t too disappointed that I’m not going to discuss both cartoons. The end of the summer season is upon me and I need at least one more dish of ice cream to help me survive eight more months of insufficient heat.

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Westward Whoa

“Th-Th-Th-Th-Those k-k-kids must think we’re pr-pretty dumb.”

Supervision by Jack King; Animation by Paul Smith and Ben Clopton; Music by Norman Spencer. A Looney Tune released on April 25, 1936.

This picture opens up eerily similar to the Mickey short “Pioneer Days”. But that’s explainable. Jack worked on that picture too. And Mickey was all color by this point in time, so they probably figured nobody would even remember his old work anymore. Give anything enough time, and you can claim credit as the first human to create it. I think I just need two more years before I debut my novel: “Anna Karenina”.

A wagon train crosses the land. Beans and Kitty are the leaders of this outfit, and they’ve got the most bad@$$ crew available. There’s Porky Pig.

That’s all. But they might as well bring more along for the trip. You can’t make a whole settlement with only three pioneers. The only other ones I could name though are Ham and Ex, making their final appearance. Good for them. Kitty decides they will make camp in this area that has tall shady trees, comfortable rocks, and essential for life water. Everything you need when taking over somebody else’s home.

This calls for a hootenanny! Let the music and dancing commence! Proto-Petunia dances with the last of Goopy’s lineage. They don’t really care for one another, but they are the closest match for the dog and pig dancers from Mickey’s party. Strangely enough, no Mickey clones show up. You’re telling me those guys have dignity? While the adults have their fun, Ham and Ex tell Beans that they will be off playing “Indians” in the woods. People die on these kind of trails all the time, so Beans just reminds them to be wary of the real deal.

Almost immediately, the two think they spot the feathered headdress of what could be a chief. Wild turkey surprise! They change games and start playing ‘Cry Indians’. That’s a serious threat, and the rest of the train gets their firearms ready to defend. Beans takes a shot and the bird loses his biggest fan. What a disgrace to natural art. The pups laugh themselves silly and don’t think to do so where Beans won’t see. I mean, for all he knows, you could have made a genuine mistake. But not now. Dummies.

He warns that a real “Indian” could very well remove your head. Remembering Ex exists, he tells him he too, could also fall victim. (And if you need help remembering “X” exists, follow this link.) This threat doesn’t bother the kids too much, and they start doing “Indian” impressions next. Once again, panic ensues. The adults waste more bullets, and the brats decide this time to hide, so Beans can’t fail to scare them again. Since he can’t find them, he might as well go back to chopping color-changing wood.

Aw, shucks! Looks like the real deal has shown up. The two are able to get him stuck in a log, and beat him a bit, but their cries for aid aren’t taken seriously anymore. I’m all for children learning, so I don’t feel too bad. There are reinforcements around. Some are human, some are canine, and some are frightening combinations thereof. But the chief almost looks like a dhole, so he might legit be Indian. It feels weird not feeling weird to call him that.

Porky is the first to spot the natives. Poor guy is so scared that even his normal speech pattern is a luxury. He finally shouts things out when an arrow gets him in the rear. Even if this land is rightfully theirs, they have a problem with me now. Whoever shot him, come forward! I promise your death will be swift. Excruciatingly painful, yes, but its the best deal you’re going to get. The pioneers fight back.

Ham and Ex are able to still do some good smacking, (that’s a humorous scream their pursuer has,) but he gets a hold of them anyway. The duo’s screams are heard by Beans who I guess was actually too cowardly to fight and was hiding in the woods. Or nature called. They’d be equally funny. He redeems himself by throwing a bear trap like a hammer and pinching the threat’s cheeks.

Not aware that Beans saved their hides, the twins watch the native flee. With their backs turned, Beans seizes the opportunity to give them a taste of their own medicine. You like that guys? Karma’s your mom!

Favorite Part: One settler is getting chased by a native, and saves some time by handing over his wig. Another joke from Disney, but made funnier here by the native happily cheering.

Personal Rating: 3. I do think Mickey’s was better. Mostly because the natives are all rat/wolves or something. Makes them less offensive today.

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Bosko and Bruno

“Scram, Bruno!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Paul Smith. A Looney Tune released on April 30, 1932.

Times have been rough for “Bosko and Bruno”. Especially Bosko, but extra-especially and Bruno! Has he ever made one appearance in anything since the MGM shorts? I’ve just decided that I hope he gets a cameo in “Coyote vs Acme”. I’ll put him above Sniffles and the Minah Bird, but below Snafu and both of Chuck’s Ralphs. But in relevant talk, I just meant in the picture named after them. (Which, of course, was neither of their debuts.)

You see, the two are playing tramps in an era before you’d think it natural for a dog to be one. Luckily for us, they’re not miserable and Bosko isn’t one of those people who keeps a dog around for more pity points. They mostly just spend their days walking on the train tracks. Not beside them because there aren’t any sidewalks. It can’t be too healthy. I saw one of and Bruno’s spots change color. Pretty confident that’s carcinogenic. Good thing the trains only run on Sundays.

The two panic when the train approaches. But the shot of the train suggests they’re running towards it. I know you’ve got next to no future Mr. Sko, but leave the innocent dog out of this. Well, and Bruno’s run about all he can, because his foot is stuck in the tracks. Bosko tries to divert the tracks because it’s more ethically sound to inconvenience a train-ful of people than sacrifice a dog. No, really! You can kill like, three people before you’re condemned to Hell, but only one dog.

Since all train engineers have just resigned themselves to an eternity of torment and nightmares, they’ve made sure to lock up the track switch just in case they’re ever in such a situation as this. Despite Bosko’s best efforts, he is unable to change the track and and Bruno is run over. But he’s clever that one! He managed to get himself under the tracks and is no worse for wear. Upset that his dog would scare him like that, Bosko gives chase. But the shot of and Bruno suggests he’s running towards Bosko.

Once in a tunnel, they get scared at the approaching noises. It’s obviously of the bovine ilk, but you really shouldn’t take chances when its dark. Their tunnel vision convinces them it’s another train. Oh! It was just a steer! You guys must feel pretty dumb, and rightfully so. Just don’t screw-ups like that if you want respect. (Forgive me, I forget that they are lucky enough to not live in the real world. Please take me with you! I just want a place where I fit in!)

Bosko takes note of some tracks that aren’t of the train variety and he and and Bruno follow. They lead to a hen in a pen. Let me guess: she was playing Chicken on those tracks, right? Well, she is a chicken, the natural prey of mankind. Eat up. Except, Bosko is too nice of  a guy for that. He just wants her for eggs. But it’s so much fun to watch a dog chase after another animal with every intent to kill! He sends and Bruno after it, telling him not to hurt it. Guess what, you can’t have your chicken and and Bruno eat it too.

Then the hen runs into the lawn mower. I’d just like to remind you that those are feathers coating the yard, but the lack of color can’t prove it. The hen is pre-plucked and and Bruno has two kinds of pelts now. That makes him the peltimate dog, but not the ultimate. That title belongs to the owner of this farm. It’s one of those weird cartoons where half the canines are anthro. And anthro-animals carry guns. Farma’ Pup opens fire on the two tramps, forcing them to flee for their lives. Look on the bright side Bosko: the majority of Earth’s creatures produce eggs. Take your pick. I’ve heard the cicadas’ are lovely.

They hop onto a new train, but they got the last car, and that one is never attached very well to the rest. They careen down an adjacent track. Bosko finally got his wish, but it was granted by a monkey paw that was also a genie. If it was also one of the Greek gods it’d be the ultimate dick combo. (But not the peltimate. I’m going to keep trying to make that a real word.) Another steer gets chased by the two, but runs out of track because it ends at a tree. Curse that genie paw! The steer is flattened, but the other two are okay. Guess this is as good a spot to end things as any.

Favorite Part: And Bruno was pretty cute covered in feathers.

Personal Rating: 2

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Bugsy and Mugsy

“Now you’re mad at me again.”

Directed by Friz Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Virgil Ross, Gerry Chiniquy and Art Davis; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Boris Gorelick; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling and Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on August 31, 1957.

You may remember that I had problems with “S.4A.M.” But that’s okay because when Fred visited me back in 2011, I made sure to tell him to tell Friz that if he should ever direct a short like that, he should remake it seven years later. Thus, our current timeline. Sure, it changed history to make it so any attempts at saving Lonesome George were futile, but in the end wasn’t it worth it? No, but at least this picture fixed its predecessor’s problems.

Heavy rainfall has caused Bugs to take temporary leave of his burrow and relocate to the drier confines of an abandoned building. But only abandoned for so long, as Rocky and Mugsy decide to use this place as  a hideout while the cops hunt. All-around good guy and advocate for anybody suffering from karat theft, Bugs takes it upon himself to teach the scoundrels a thing or… actually, he’ll stick with that one thing. Crime doesn’t pay, buckos. Get ready for a hardcore teaching.

While the thieves sleep, Bugs places a phone speaker near Rocky and berates his naivety. Really? You’d leave all those jewels laying around with Mugsy right there on the couch? He may act dumb, but he can get ideas. Rocky slaps the big guy around for that, despite Mugsy’s claim that he doesn’t get ideas. His brain isn’t that developed. Rocky may act placated, but once you plant a doubt seed, it doesn’t die. I suppose you could send a doubt gopher after it, but those don’t move out.

To fertilize that seed, Bugs plants an axe in the sleeping Mugsy’s grasp and warns Rocky that falling asleep wouldn’t be very conducive to survival at this point. The boss gets the weapon and takes the first swipe. Good thing Mugsy gets this kind of abuse on a daily basis. He sees Rocky’s action as nothing more than a joke, but still needs to wear his replacement hat from now on. He’s also a little jumpy from here on out. (Good attention to detail keeping the couch still busted in the next scene.)

Bugs next begins to unscrew a chandelier over Rocky who I’m surprised could fall asleep by this point. Burglary must really take it out of you. (That would explain why the Hamburglar slept for about 20 years.) Mugsy notices this and rushes to get a screwdriver of his own. (Oh. The couch is repaired now. Never mind. This cartoon is ruined.) He gets in place just as Bugs finishes. What a terrible spot to be found in without context.

To put his mind at ease, Rocky hogties Mugsy, and throws him into a different room. Still, those nerves will be jumpy for the rest of the night I’d wager. He catches sight of the saw cutting through the floor at this feet, and Bugs puts the offending article in Mugsy’s grasp. There’s pretty much no way he could explain himself now. Not that’d he do a very articulate job, anyway. The damage is done, and Rocky refuses to sleep anymore. Time to finish things up.

Bugs fits Mugs with some skates, and controls him via horseshoe magnet. He tugs the big lug into Rocky’s mug, who punches him back. So Bugs keeps it up. So Rocky keeps it up. This creates a lot of noise, and it’s not long before the popo pulls up. On their way to jail/prison, Rocky wonders how they were ever found out. Noise, sure, but it was an abando building. Those things always have creepy unexplained noises lurking within. (My money’s on doubt gophers.) It wasn’t brilliant detective work; Bugs labeled the place as their hideout in light-up letters and neon trim. Very artsy.

Favorite Part: A good rule of comedy is to have a quiet character make a drastic shift in volume. Rocky does this when he catches Mugsy with the saw. “I don’t know how youse done it, but I know YOUSE DONE IT!”

Personal Rating: First, why I think this short improves on its forebear. First: The two made to break up are criminals, so they kind of deserve to be punished. Wait, no ‘kind of’. The real world should really adhere to that. Second: There’s no beautiful friendship that Bugs is ruining, despite what Mugsy thinks. Rocky does not see him as an equal. Third: In this short’s continuity, they haven’t met Bugs yet, so I’m not asking why they wouldn’t think he might be behind everything. Improvements across the board. 3.

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War and Pieces

‘GET LOST’

There he go-go-goes!

Directed by Chuck Jones; Co-Director: Maurice Noble; Story by John Dunn; Animation by Ken Harris, Richard Thompson, and Tom Ray; Layouts by Dave Rose; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Looney Tune released on June 6, 1964.

Well, this is it. The end. Not my end, tempting though it may be, but I mean for Chuck. This is his last short for the studio. (Couldn’t think of one more speed related title?) It’s a fine way to go, as any of his Road Runner pictures are. But it is still depressing, which is fine because I’ve been really feeling my depression this last week. I think I’ll work it into the weekly post as many times as I possibly can and hope the antidepressants do their one job by next time.

As Road Runner runs, he gets his usual labeling. Wile E.  doesn’t get his right away. He has to wait until the grenade he throws rebounds off a cactus and back to him. While waiting for anything Wile E. related is torturous, (I’ll never make it 12 months with my sanity intact!) I suppose it was all for the best here, as the freeze-frame manages to capture the goofiest face Wile E. could make. Well, I guess he could stick his tongue out. I ruined my description, just like everything else I interact with. I apologize for being born, and will get my parents to say the same some day.

Wile E. tries to fire himself from a bow, but he’s done that before. The new method involves a rope and pulley to aid in pulling back the bowstring. This results in his lower half being torn off, allowing us to see his boxers, socks, and disturbing human legs. I know all about having to hiding my ugly body, so he gets my condolences. Not that anyone would want to get anything from me. Well, other than ‘away’. I’m sorry, is the short still going on? Where are we now in the recap?

Ah, yes. We’re at the part where Wile E. has set up an electric eye-beam that triggers a crushing mechanism. Genius that he is, he made sure to factor in a slight delay since the crusher is behind it. Just like the good times. Problem is, its not an invisible beam. Road Runner notices and stops to inspect. Wile E.’s own impatience is his undoing here, as he decides to just make a grab right as the bird steps into the light. Invisible! That’s it! The bird won’t run away from what it can’t see. Wile E. just needs to “Goosebumps #6 Let’s get invisible!”* It’s easy. Just look at me. (If you could.)

It takes a while to find a legitimate can of that paint. Rip-off artists sell many empty cans this way. Personally, I like buying things that remind me of myself. Once Wile E. gets a nice coat going, he heads to the road and jumps at the first beep. As science has already ruined for us: being invisible means no light can get into your eyes, and makes vision itself disappear. Wile E. never saw the truck coming. I like watching his stumbling footsteps reveal he was really knocked for a loop. Then he falls off a cliff. I’d follow, but I don’t have the will to do anything anymore.

With the bird at the top of a cliff, and the canine at the foot, it only makes sense to grapple-hook his was up. His fist might be on the screen a little too long. We all make mistakes. Except me. I just am one. Wait, the hook is still up above. What did he hook onto? Just a cloud. Those things are stupidly flimsy, and it tears open unleashing its lightning. Ow, but at least feeling pain is feeling something. Better yet, Road Runner really is enjoying the view today, so he perches atop another cliff. Wile E. can try something new! I doubt it will work. I doubt a lot.

Wile E. tries riding a missile up, but the sloping cliff sends him back down. This missile however, is just like a smile: tough. Rather than an explosion, it takes its rider through the Earth and right to China. (Shouldn’t have turned left from Albuquerque.) There are Roadrunners there, of course, but they are… of a rather outdated design. Actually, never was dated. (Just like me.) Or maybe its eyes aren’t squinty, but just closed because its better than seeing awful reality. Wile E. doesn’t mind too much. Chinese food for dinner!

I lie to feel better about myself. Since this isn’t the Road Runner, it is allowed to fight back. It holds out a gong to stop the charging Wile E. and the impact sends him back to his own country. It’s where he belongs. One of the many things I wish I had.

Favorite Part: Wile E. sets up a phony “Beep” Show that is really just a gun. Hilariously, the bird is easily lured in and really seems to be enjoying himself. I miss being able to do that.

Personal Rating: 3. 4 for the harem bit.

I apologize if you found today’s post annoying or in bad taste. Cracking wise about what’s wrong with me helps calm down. I’ll be fine for another year at least.

*I liked “Blogger Beware”. I wish I could say it was an influence on me, but I only discovered it after ceased updates, and I was already doing this by then.

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The Henpecked Duck

“Say, is there a magician in the house?”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by John Carey; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on August 30, 1941.

Everybody wants a divorce these days! It’s almost as if romance was a myth all along. I mean, I’ve had my suspicions, but this isn’t about me. The proceedings take place in the court of inhuman relations. Naturally, I’d expect no fairer judge than Porky. Anything he declares just, I do. First case: the duck family. Daffy approaches as miserable as one can be. This must be some screw-up for him to take things this seriously. The maybe soon to be ex-Mrs. approaches determinedly. She really wants that divorce!

Porky asks that she explain why she’d want to part with such a catch. Sure, he’s a bit… or rather he is Daffy, but it’s not like he’d be abusive. Please elaborate. This began when she was going to visit her mother. She and her husband were expecting their first child, so Daffy was going to be incubating them. It already seems like things weren’t working out in Daffy’s favor. Mrs. Duck threatens him bodily harm, doubts his ability to stay focused, and the brow-beaten guy can only reply with a quiet “Yes, m’love.”

Until she’s out of the house and he feels like he can act how he really feels. Mockingly repeating his latest catchphrase and making faces. Revealing she was still within earshot, he returns to the nest on his best behavior. Yeah, I think the poor dear needs to escape such a shrewish wench. Just because we’re guys doesn’t mean the marriage always fails because of us! The flashback keeps going, so I guess Daffy told her this part. Given what we’ve seen, I’m surprised she isn’t trying to embellish it more in her favor. “Yes, Daffy starting to abort our duckling via anvil. Also, he was giving cigarettes to minors.”

Well, Daffy by name also means daffy by nature. It wasn’t long before he was bored of sitting still and starting playing around with the egg. He smashes it between his palms, but there’s no trace of shell, albumen or embryo. It’s disappeared! Then with some awesome magic words: “Hocus-pocus, flippity flam, a-razzamatazz and alakazam!”, the egg reappears without a scratch on it! Look at Daffy’s reaction! Even he is amazed that this worked. Then he… steps out of the scene? Is that right? He clearly steps down onto… nothing. Is it suggesting he came out of the picture to entertain on stage? What am I missing? I just want my life to be complete!

Well, if you can do something once, logic says you can do it again. (I’ve actually died half a dozen times. You just haven’t noticed.) Nope! No dice! That egg is gone! Trapped in the space between spaces. What a place to be born! If that’s even a possibility, of course. Daffy panics. Sure, the wife won’t be pleased, but that was his child too! Over and over, he repeats his chant, saying ‘alakazam’ so much that you could mistake him for a Pokemon, but he gets no results. And time isn’t feeling particularly kind today. It continues to keep moving forward. Time is mean and I don’t like it.

Oh, crap! Look who is actually returning! I was sure she was having a beautiful rest, and deciding she’d never go back to her nest. Daffy needs an egg to fool her, but the closest thing available is a doorknob. As long as it stays pointed down, she’ll never be able to tell. Duck eggs are always as cold as a brass monkey! Where did you think the phrase ‘cold duck’ came from? It rolls over just as he’s sitting, and mama catches on very fast. That brings us to today. Now, I can take her side.

Daffy pleads with Porky to give him just one more chance. I don’t think I’ve made my feelings on Porky clear enough in the fourteen years I’ve been doing this. *ahem* PORKY IS SUCH A STAND UP GUY THAT HE IS WILLING TO LET THE PHSYCOPATH HAVE ANOTHER SHOT AT WHAT HE FAILED TO DO HALF A BILLION TIMES!!! BECAUSE HE BELIEVES IN HIM AND WANTS TO SEE TRUE LOVE PREVAIL!!!! ALSO, HE’D SHARE HIS LUNCH WITH YOU!!!

I’m cool. Listen to me. Anyway, Daffy gives it one final shot, but this time he adds a little something: a prayer. And that was the missing ingredient. Of course! God forsakes all magic that does not come from him, and was waiting to be asked for forgiveness! (My sister just became a missionary. Hats off to her, if you please.) The couple makes up, and the egg hatches. All is beautiful, all is well.

Favorite Part: When Daffy sits on the pointy-side up doorknob, he makes a face. A face that says he didn’t know he was about to be goosed.

But that doesn’t mean he minded.

Personal Rating: 3

And of all the years to not be invited to San Diego Comic-con as a guest! I can’t believe I missed out on seeing the reveal trailer of “Coyote Vs Acme”! Me! The Internet’s looniest fan! I’m that. Believe me. If I don’t see that footage by next week, I’ll… I’ll… Gosh. What will I do?

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Lickety-Splat

‘ Again ‘

Written and Directed by Chuck Jones; Co-Directed by Abe Levitow; Animation by Richard Thompson, Bob Bransford, Tom Ray, and Ken Harris; Layouts by Maurice Noble; Assistant Layout: Corny Cole; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard and Bob Singer; Effects Animation by Harry Love; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on June 3, 1961.

A quick thank you to all my readers in Germany. You’re giving more hits than my homeland.

The guy doing the “Latin” captions had the day off, so Wile E. provides. He looks smug, and since he can keep pace with the Road Runner better than I can, he’s got reason to be. But just wait until the bird puts on a speed boost. So fast, that he appears to not appear. The roads curl up behind him, tunnels get pulled inside-out, and bridges scrunch up after him. That’s the moment Wile E. decides he’s done enough running. He’s got better ideas! And rather than the overused light bulb over the head, his eyes become the bulbs. I like creativity!

Acme does it again! Skates are no longer the only winter gear that gets a “roller” variety. Introducing Roller skis! Want to ski in the future when snow no longer exists? Now you can, and you’ll look sexy doing it. Also available: roller luge, roller ice fishing poles, and roller balls. (That’s supposed to be a play on snowballs.) They look plenty fun to me. Turning is nonexistent, though. Wile. E. goes over a cliff, and ends up embedded into a different one’s face. Stuck in the exact middle too. Too high to drop, too low to climb. But the bird is at the top! What’s the super genius way to solve this?

Obviously: you use the skis as a makeshift diving board. Each bounce flings you higher, but remember: doing this too much will make the wood splinter. Don’t attempt more than five times. The warranty won’t cover that. Wile E. is having no luck in getting close enough, so the super genius method is to send something else out, and collect the carcass. Paper airplanes can be thrown, but they are flimsy and weak. Even if they came into contact, what would they accomplish? Paper cuts only happen at the most inopportune times.

The solution: T.N.T. airplanes. Yeah, now we’re talking. That’s a man’s toy! (But a coyote’s weapon.) They’ve even got needles on them so they will guarantee stick to whatever you want to blow up. The only limit is your imagination! And poor aim. Wile E. takes to a balloon to unleash his flock. Wait… Ralph Wolf? What are you doing here? This isn’t your picture! Wait. Wile E. just had white eyes there. Yeah, I knew it all along. You’re pretty impressed, I bet.

The weapons are unleashed and fly. Since Wile E. didn’t throw them, they’re left to the mercy of wind and gravity. Oops. The last one ends up stuck in his balloon. After the explosion, Wile E. plummets. Always the super genius, he brought along a parachute. The second to last airplane takes that one out. His next two attempts are with a sledge hammer and a boomerang, but they end up getting darted as well. Should’ve seen this coming. “Dart” and “Drat” are anagrams.

The final plan is to drop an anvil on the R.R. Before he can, another airplane gets embedded in the crag Wile E. is standing on. And after that explosion, another two are stuck in the chunk he’s left with. He tries jumping back to the bigger slab, but it’s still not attached to anything, so he falls with it. He makes sure to at least keep the anvil under him so he won’t be squashed. He ends up neck-deep buried in the street. And then the smaller slab falls on him. He gets a bit of a break though. These airplanes don’t blow up, but just unfurl into “The” and “End”. (Eugh. I don’t like Wile E.’s laugh.)

Favorite Part: The first reappearance of the airplane. It’s unexpected, so the laughter hits harder.

Personal Rating: 3. It’s close though! See, after the second airplane encore, we start to expect another one. And jokes you expect are never as funny as the one’s you don’t see coming. Maybe you disagree and will clamor for a four. We can still be friends.

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Yankee Doodle Bugs

“You’d better hop along, Cassidy.”

There’s no use changing the history books for little ole him.

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animatin by Art Davis, Manuel Perez, and Virgil Ross; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on August 28, 1954.

As animated series like “School House Rock”, “The Magic School Bus”, and “Animaland” can attest, learning doesn’t have to suck. Therefore, I for one propose that Bugs teach us about American History. Because the country’s birthiversary is this upcoming week, and if you don’t know anything about who/what you’re celebrating, then brother, you’re hardly celebrating at all.

It starts when his nephew, Clyde is struggling to learn about the past. (I’ve discussed Clyde before, but this is his final theatrical appearance.) Wouldn’t be that much of a big deal, if it weren’t for the fact that he’s going to have a test on the subject later today. (That and his books blend into the carpet.) Bugs offers to help. (Clyde: “Do you *half a second pause* know about American history, Uncle Bugs?”) Turns out history is loaded with rabbits. They’ve been involved with Columbus, Napoleon, Nazi Germany, The 1943 Oscars, and the invention of gunpowder. You can quote me on this because I’m a valuable resource.

Bugs starts when the Dutch bought New York for a song. And I mean that in the punniest fashion. The Native Chief got a really good deal. Then pretty much nothing happened for over a hundred years until Benjamin Franklin *clears throat* “discovered” electricity. It was all thanks to the rabbit who held his kite just as lightning struck it. Ben took the credit, because taking the credit is mankind’s greatest invention.

Then a war was set to happen because The King put tacks on the tea. (Punniest. Way.) This could not be stood for, so an army was drafted. The backgrounds have a U.P.A. minimalistic design that goes all the way when we get to George Washington. They’re so minimal, that they cease to exist! Don’t walk into the void, George! It’s probably dangerous! I don’t see any food, for one thing. Wait. He’s fine. It’ll be a bit of a struggle to leave his candy shop, but his wife will just have to handle it herself until he wins independence.

If this is going to be its own country, it’s going to need a flag. A woman named Betsy Ross was assigned the task of sewing it up. She’s got six red stripes that represents all the blood that will be spillt, five white ones that represent the skin tone of the generals, and a blue section that is supposed to be the ocean, which the country will be surrounded by, some day. A rabbit gave her the idea for a finishing touch after he stepped on a rake and saw ten stars. Never having learned to count, she added thirteen.

It was a bitter fight. Cold winters made ice cream men enemies of the sate. What have we become? War truly changes a man. Eventually though, the enemy fleet was bottled up. (Pun. Knee. Est.) Once Washington crossed the Delaware River, victory was won. Simple as that. And that was pretty much everything that happened between then and 1954. This is a very boring country. The next thing worth noting would be Disneyland opening the following year.

Perfect timing! The school bell is chiming and Clyde’s got a test to ace. Bugs is such a good uncle. A guncle, if you will. When school lets out, Clyde comes back angrily glaring. It’s quite funny. Bugs can’t figure out why he’d be scowling like this, so Clyde spells it out for him: D-U-N-C-E C-A-P. I’m sorry kid, but penmanship counts.

Favorite Part: The king is really getting his jollies when he puts tacks on the tea. It’s good to see leaders put the riot in dictator.

Personal Rating: 2. I did say punniest, rather than funniest. I just don’t feel like the jokes were powerful enough. They could have gone farther, but then I guess it would have ended with Clyde getting sent to Special Ed. (Because that’s how they’d handle it at the time, thank you.)

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Bosko’s Knight-mare

♪”I’m young and healthy…”♪

He don’t fear dragons. Dragons is so stupid!

Animation by Bob McKimson and Robert Stokes. A Looney Tune released on June 8, 1933.

Once again, it’s the greatest day of the year! The day I get to blog for the benefit of everyone who is too bashful to leave any kind of feedback. It really is adorable.

Bosko is reading about the days of yore. That’s what we called the time period during which King Arthur reined. If you weren’t him; you were the next best thing: a knight. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Bosko lives in the 1930’s and can only hope to be a knight at night whilst he sleeps. Still ahead. Right now, he’s still reading. He tries to share his interest with Bruno, but the dog couldn’t care any less if he cared enough to try. It really does suck having an obsession all to yourself.

When Bosko turns the radio station to some music, he starts to drift to dreamland. Unlike nightmares, which tend to scare you, knight-mares are horses that practice gallantry. But we’re not talking about them. Bosko is finally as knight as they come. And at last, in his dreams, Bruno shares in the joy. They’re off to generic castle to party with the other knights. They’re some of Bosko’s pals from showbiz. You’ve got all four Earls of Marx, Sir Durante, Lord Wynn, Duke Hardy, and Gandhi, because I’m sure these are the kind of people he wants to serve. (Good luck finding a print that includes him without an animation historian talking over it. I couldn’t.)

It’s ‘no girls allowed day’, which is everyday, so Honey remains in her chamber. Enter our villain, I guess we could call him the Black Knight, but that’s so overdone. The Sable Knight approaches and sings to Honey. She isn’t interested in a guy who is, and I quote, a meanie. (Insert reference to “Yellow Submarine” here, because I love that film.) He’s going to get her, and that’s that. As he climbs her stairs, she screams for help as all the best princesses are trained to do.

Bosko has to put his dancing on hold. No big loss. I’ve seen those moves before. His small stature allows him to run under Sable’s legs and meet him up there, but it also means he’s the kind of runt Sable uses as a lighter. I never knew Bosko could expel flame if squeezed hard enough. That’s a skill I’d never shut up about. Leaping out the window, Sable flees with the damsel to his own castle: Castle Ditto. Bosko follows on donkey rather than his horse he had earlier. Dreams never are consistent.

Bosko’s on his tail like a remora’s tail is on a shark’s belly. Even though Sable hides himself and Honey in his bedroom, Bosko is already there with a machine gun. Historical accuracy is neat! Sable can take it, and after making a pretty intimidating face, rolls up his armor and punches Bosko out cold. This might be pretty suspenseful if we weren’t aware it was a knight-mare nightmare! Honey trying to wake him up is really Bruno trying to wake him up. He succeeds. Well, as long as Bosko’s awake, he might as well go to bed. Wish I could be so lucky.

Favorite Part: When Bosko’s donkey throws him into some water, Bosko’s armor instantly becomes a submarine. Why haven’t I been able to do that in a video game yet?

Personal Rating: 2