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My Top Ten Posts

It’s now been seven years since this place has been birthed. Which means another tiny but permanent update: from now on, I’ll be listing the short’s entire released date as opposed to just the year. But for now, I’m going to go over my choices for my best work.

Number 10: Bugs Bunny

My first post! It’s a humble beginning as most are, but I thought I did pretty well for a beginner. I clearly showed some promise, (as I knew my stuff) but there was also plenty of room for improvement. (Hence the low spot on this list.) So happy that I didn’t quit at any point during the past years. I’ve been having too much fun to worry about the lack of visitors.

Number 9:  Hare Remover

Here’s where I really started to get the hang of things. As you might know, (“might” being because I don’t know how many people go back to read older posts besides me) When I started this place, I was doing a pretty crappy job. I just assumed that anyone visiting would have already seen the shorts in question, and was just online looking for some other opinions on them. Later it dawned on me to actually write a summary for those who hadn’t. Even then, I wrote the bare minimum I could. Starting here, (which was also when pictures became a permanent addition. A good idea I should have done since day one) I went into much more detail. You could actually understand the stories now. (But I always try to leave at least one joke untold, so you will have reason to watch them on your own anyway) Will I ever go back and rewrite the older posts in my new style? Probably not. They are there to show not only how much better I’ve gotten, but to remind me to try harder. (Plus, if I started editing one, I’d probably edit them all and never get new ones published.)

Number 8: Tom Thumb in Trouble

With this post, I had a lot of fun making as many Disney references as I could. Seeing as how the short in question feels much more like something they made up. No disrespect to Mr. Jones, but it’s not his best work. But I still had a good time watching it.

Number 7: I’ve got to Sing a Torch Song

With this post, I tried something different. Instead of just detailing the plot, I acted like I was giving a history lesson on how people used to use the radio as much as they did. It was a fun change of pace, but I don’t think it worked out as well as I wanted it to. But it’s always fun to experiment.

Number 6: A Gander at Mother Goose

Every so often, I write a post in rhyme. Seeing as how this one was using retelling Nursery Rhymes as its premise, I felt it necessary to do so once again. And I think it came out pretty dang well. Making rhymes about other people’s work is harder than just coming up with a rhyme yourself as it is easy to rhyme yourself into a corner, and not be able to get out unless you insert a completely irrelevant line. (I’ve done that before. It ruins the whole pace of your work)

Number 5: Eatin’ on the Cuff or the Moth who came to Dinner

Another rhyme! And I felt I did even better on this one. But since only the animated part was rhyming, I also only did such for my summary. And it turned out rather nice. I even included my own usual quirks, like naming characters and pointing out the few mistakes about animals that the short makes. I just gotta be me.

Number 4: Dough Ray Me-ow

With this short, I felt I had accomplished something I had been trying to do since day one: I was funny. I had cracked a few jokes before, but I felt there was something more here. I had actually found my own sense of humor for this blog, which gives you a reason to actually come visit. I’d say to only read posts older than this one if you’re really into the source material. But any after this one I’d say anyone can read and enjoy. (Not to toot my own horn.)

Number 3: Jumpin’ Jupiter

I haven’t seen too many episodes of “The Twilight Zone” (mostly because I want a friend to watch with) But I know enough about this iconic series to spoof it, and given the short’s content, I though it was a match made in heaven. And despite writing like someone else, I still managed to keep my own style intact. To be a good writer, you can’t just copy other’s styles. You got to be yourself.

Number 2: June Foray

When discussing people on this blog, it wasn’t uncommon for them to have been dead for at least ten years. (And I’m sorry I’m not using nicer alternatives like “passed away.” I don’t sugar coat things) The loss of Ms. Foray was a huge setback for me. I really was hoping I would get to meet her one day before she left us. I didn’t get that chance, but I feel like I at least left a pretty good tribute to her. I doubt she ever found this place, but I was happy to do it regardless to help spread her legacy. I poured my heart into this post, and I think it was made all the stronger for it. So what could top this?

Number 1: Porky’s Preview

My favorite underrated short gets the top spot! Not only because it gave me a chance to give it some more notoriety, but I went all out as well. Describing in great detail why I find it as great as I do, interrupting the post to talk about Porky’s cartoon like it is its own standalone work, and even bothering to make some of my text backwards like his. It was more work than I usually do on these posts, but it was well worth it!

Here’s to seeing if I can top myself in the upcoming years! Hope those of you who come by still enjoy it! I know I do.

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The Weakly Reporter

“We love California”

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Ben Washam; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1944. Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Ben Washam; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1944.

With that said, who wants more topical humor from the forties? Hopefully, everyone did because that’s what you’re getting. While Wacky Blackout demonstrated how the country life reacts to the war, now we look at the urban side. (With bridging sequences done in a simple stick figure style, predating UPA by a good six years) With such a large war, automobiles are becoming more scarce. Those still around are frightened at the sight of  a horse-drawn cart. With such few cars, some people take to sharing a vehicle. Some go a “step” further and share shoes. Certain foods are really valuable and are delivered in an armored vehicle. (You laugh, but butter is precious to us Americans. It’s our favorite food!) Speaking of food, that’s a luxury now too. Lovely meat for sale. Only $1.19 for a sniff. (Smells like cow blood. So worth the investment) During these times, hoarders are looked upon with disdain. Unless you’re hoarding bonds. But in all seriousness, many men are now in service. What are the ladies doing? They’re still buying the latest styles. (That welder’s mask is you!) And girdles are now used to help win. The only downside is you can see the difference it makes without them. (Oh, you thought I was talking about a woman wearing it and not a man? That’s the short’s best joke) Ladies are now taking on more jobs. (And the men who are still around love to watch them.) But women fight in the war too. Putting lipstick over their gas masks, and training for fights by brawling over nylon. (How accurate.) Sexist jokes aside, they know what they are doing. When the factories stop, it’s a lady to the rescue! (The machine just needed her to insert a new bobby pin) Yes, we are doing a fine job of producing weapons really fast. So fast in fact, we can get a ship delivered before the champagne bottle finishes its swing.

Personal Rating: 1. So, unless you’re a WWII buff or Looney-tic, I wouldn’t reccomend this one. But if you’re reading this, I figure you’ve got to be one or the other.

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The Ducktators

“Tutti frutti and all-a kind of whips cream and a wall-a nuts!”

Supervision by Norman McCabe; Story by Melvin Millar; Animation by John Carey; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1942.

Just want to remind everyone that this comes from a time where the country was at war. So naturally, we Americans made fun of our enemies. (Instead of today where we casually make fun of everyone)

Why do all the poultry in the barnyard have cigars? Seems that a pair of ducks are expecting! Wait, why is their egg black? Unless you’re a fish, I don’t think that’s a healthy color for your egg to have. Well, it may not be dead, but it IS rotten. Out hatches a duckling with a familiar looking mustache. Welcome to the world little Hitler Duck. He grows up quickly enough and seems he hasn’t got quite the right mindset. He gives some speeches to other birds about his ideas for the future. (They sound nice on paper… actually they don’t. He’s evil.) Sadly, some poor souls were taken in by his words. Especially one goose in particular. (He’s not given a name, but he is Italian, so it’s safe to assume we all have given him the same name. You were thinking “Goosalini,” right?) I would also like to note, that this cartoon is not so single minded as to think all “ducks” and “geese” are like this, and it offers an apology to those whose countries names are being tainted by these a-holes. They begin amassing a good number of soldiers. (One of whom, is a black duck from south Germany. Unlike the depictions of Nazis, this guy is still pretty offensive today. I give it a pass due to its time period, but it is still sad it was once considered perfectly acceptable) Not all the birds are agreeing to the way things are going. A dove (naturally) wants things to go in a more peaceful direction. The two leaders agree to a peace conference, but then go and shred the treaty. (Not cool guys. And after you even bothered to hand a banner saying “Peace iss vonderful”) But aren’t we missing someone? Wasn’t there one other enemy we had? And here he is now, Tojo the duck. He tries to label an island as Japanese mandated, but the island was really a turtle and he isn’t quite pleased. He chases the bird to beat him. The duck tries to get out of it by showing off his “I am Chinese” button, but the subtitle saying it was made in Japan doesn’t convince anyone. The gang’s all here, and they begin marching. (By this cartoon’s logic, they’re Italian stepping) The dove tries once more to get them to stop, but they just walk over him. Having enough, the dove begins to fight back. Others join his side, including “Hare-y Colona” and a sign advertising war bonds. They are victorious! Later, the dove, (who has two children named Peace and Quiet) admits that he still hates fighting, but he had to so something to stop those fowl types. And he really gave it to them, he mounted their heads on his wall.

Personal Rating: 3

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Wacky Blackout

“Okay! Lights out!”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Warren Foster; Animtaion by Sid Sutherland; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1942.

In today’s short we will see how animals react to the war. For example a farmer has trained his dog to put out fires. (He’s a Spitz) And milk is and essential part of a soldiers diet, so it is a good thing that this cow gives out 5,000 quarts a day. (or rather we take it from her.) Old Tom is a cat. He has lived through at least three wars so he knows that this one will turn out okay. And next to him is a woodpecker. He knows that it might result in bad things, but he can’t resist giving the cat a peck. Now, when it comes to American holidays, (by that I mean, ones we invented) my favorite is Thanksgiving. Luckily for me, a turkey is busily “gobbling” down food as fast as he can. Unluckily for me, once he learns of my dinner plans, he begins a weight loss program. Next, some turtle eggs are just about to hatch. (But first, that woodpecker pecks Tom again. Remember kids, never peck a pussy.) Yes, well, as I was saying, the eggs begin to hatch. The first two are normal enough, but the last one is convinced he is a jeep. A dog wants some attention from… well, technically speaking, a bitch. (Don’t look at me! That’s the correct term!) But the poor guy is shy. He has to resort to initiating his own blackouts in order to score some make outs. And speaking of blackouts, (wacky and non-wacky) the fireflies are performing a practice one. A turtle that is much older than what we’ve seen thus far is hesitant to go into his shell. He’s afraid of the dark. (Because that’s when dogs get it on. What is wrong with me today?) A mother bird is trying to teach her chick to fly. Does that bird look familiar? It’s Tweety! Or at least a proto-Tweety. He’s got a different voice and a slightly different design, but this is the bird that would become the world’s favorite canary. What’s his gag? He doesn’t want to fly normally, he’d rather be a dive bomber. Speaking of birds, the swallows won’t be returning to Capistrano anytime soon. They are blocked by the fourth interceptor command. But some birds are more loved during the war time. Pigeons for example. One pair in particular produced many offspring during the last war. And though they are quite a bit older this time, they are still as patriotic as a “Draft Horse” (And as for that woodpecker? He pecked Old Tom one time too many and is no longer with us. But he still  is with Tom for at least… 24 hours? How long does it take for a cat to digest a bird?)

Personal Rating: 3

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The Draft Horse

“Raise left foreleg!”

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Ted Pierce; Animation by Robert Cannon; Musical Supervision by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1942.

A short very important in the history of Mr. Jones, as it was the first time he wasn’t trying to be Disney.

A horse (Not named like we’ve come to expect. I’m calling him Stallone. It’s a clever name for a stallion) is happily plowing a field. But he then sees a poster asking for horses for the war. Feeling fully patriotic, he bids the farmer farewell, and heads to the recruitment office. (The plow still attached and driving a gap through the countryside) There, he shows off how great he’d be on the battlefield to the major. He imitates guns firing, bombs dropping and even his own heroic death. The Major even tears up before remembering that the horse is still alive. He orders it to strip. Stallone  does so as sexily as he can. (Which to another male, isn’t any. But plenty funny) He is scrubbed down by a soldier… Well I’ll be! It’s Private Snafu! Making his first appearance! Stallone is ticklish though, and doesn’t stand still. When getting a physical,he screams when told to say, “ah.” When told to lift various limbs, he does so without putting any of the previous down. He doesn’t fall until he’s told he can’t float. (Except, as a toon, he definitely can.) When all is said and done, the poor horse is rejected. As he mopes, he accidentally wanders onto a sham battlefield where a sham war is being held. (What a sham pain.) He runs around in fear from the cannons, tanks and bombs. He agrees that he is not quite ready to be drafted. So back to plowing? Hardly! Still as patriotic as ever, he takes to knitting sweaters for the troops. (And it takes a lot of patriotism to knit with hooves.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Rookie Revue

“I’m a baaad general.”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Richard Bickenback; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1941.

For today, we’re going to see how the army lives, so get ready for army related gags! The soldiers snore “You’re in the army now,” but it is time to get up. The guy who is supposed to do that, has a jukebox play it for him. The soldiers fall in. (One of whom looks an awful lot like Elmer.) Of course, being woken up so early, the troops are still asleep even as they march in step. They do perk up once they are supposed to sound off. Mess call is their favorite thing to hear. The infantry eats very sloppily, until they notice they are on camera, they then remember their manners. (They are caricatures of Tex Avery, and executives Henry Binder and Ray Katz.) The machine gunners shovel food into their mouths at high speed, bombers toss food into their mouths, and the suicide squad eat with huge frowns. (If i had to watch that movie, I would frown too.) The calvary’s horses march in step, and the camouflage experts are near invisible. (I can see their guns) Speaking of guns, the soldiers used to be trained by pretending a plank of wood was gun. It was a simpler time. So simple in fact, paratroopers didn’t even get parachutes, and had to settle for a label that said “parachute.” (It’s one of the few times I’m happy with how huge the human population is. We would lose so many soldiers that way) Test pilots amuse themselves, by playing tic-tac-toe with their planes. But the general has no time for such tomfoolery. He is very busy planning coordinates for some gunners to follow. He takes his time calculating before is is ready for them to fire. They do and we find out exactly where those coordinates are: his headquarters. D’oh!

Personal Rating: 3

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Bosko the Doughboy

“I’ll get you!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Max Maxwell. A Looney Tune released in 1931.

Heh, no one even uses the term “doughboy” anymore. Regardless, after the title is blown up, we see a war at hand. Not quite on time to be part of WWI, and still too early to be part of WWII. It’s just a nondescript battle with no clear answers. Even we in the audience aren’t safe, as we get shot in the face! A cannon goes through rigor mortis after being shot, and a bird has to take a long clear look at his gaping wound that cuts right through him, before realizing he’s dead. And where’s our main character? In his foxhole eating beans. (Close your mouth when you chew, Bosko. We don’t need to see that. Sometimes, it’s good that animation was not yet in color) His lunch is also shot and he has to make do with stealing cheese from a mousetrap. But he’s not going to let that get him down, he has a woman waiting for him after all! He happily kisses his picture of Honey, before that is shot too. A horse on his side tries to cheer him up with some harmonica playing. While they dance, a dog is in agony because of a flea (I think. It might be a tick) attacking him. Bosko solves this problem by getting the dog’s helmet riddled with bullet holes. This leaves a nice and jagged scratching device. (That would tear through a human’s skin. Isn’t being a toon wonderful?) Then, a fresh wave of firing comes down upon them. Bosko is attacked by a bomb dropping pelican. He fights back by sticking a bomb in the dog’s mouth, pulling on his hindquarters whilst he hangs from a tree, and firing at the bird and its mouse pilot. (The victory is short lived as the dog’s body is torn apart by the enemies fire, leaving him much shorter than before.) Bosko charges forward, ducking into another hole with a hippo to avoid the shots. (Which are primarily coming from some birds in their nest.) The hippo tries to fight back, but a cannon launches a ball down his throat. Bosko sets up a surrender flag made of some long underwear, but the cannon fires anyway. Upon noticing it now has a cannonball inside it, the underwear runs to the cannon and returns it. Thus, destroying the thing. With his path now cleared, Bosko runs over to help his ally. He’s no doctor, but he knows how to save the brave hippo’s life: just unzip him and pull the ball out. They laugh, but the cannonball explodes. (They don’t do that right? I’m no expert.) This sadly leaves Bosko in blackface.

Personal Rating: 3

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Daffy-The Commando

“Teh bin fertig mit der feleton, herr von limberger?”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Ken Champin; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1943.

A Nazi general by the name of Von Vulture is not in the best of moods. He has just been told that he is through should he let one more commando get through. He doesn’t have much to back him up either. Just a small, constantly goosestepping,constantly heil-ing, silent bird named Schultz who Von constantly smacks on the head. Hearing a plane, they rush outside with a spotlight and spot a commando. Daffy the commando to be precise. And he immediately makes his mark by making shadow puppets in the light. (His chorus line gets much approval from Schultz.) Upon his landing, Von runs back to the safety of the bunker. Daffy knocks on his door and asks for the time, so he can set his time bomb correctly. (It’s a going away gift for the vulture) Von hands it to his little pal and he is blown into the sky. When he lands, Daffy pops out of his helmet and gives Von a smack on the head this time. Chasing Daffy, (and confusing a skunk with Hitler. An easy mistake) He finds him in a phone booth. And no matter how much he knocks, Daffy isn’t letting him in until he’s done. When Daffy is done, Von makes a phone call before remembering his mission. Daffy takes off in a plane, but is surrounded. He dives down, and the Nazi’s fire upon each other. But Daffy’s plane is taken down by Von. With nowhere else to hide, Daffy ducks into a cannon. Von fires him and wouldn’t you know it, it blasts Daffy all the way to Hitler. (Rotoscoped, of course) He gives the fuhrer a much deserved smack on the head.

Personal Rating: 3

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Russian Rhapsody

“Silly, isn’t he?”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Lou Lilly; Animation by Rod Scribner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1944. Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Lou Lilly; Animation by Rod Scribner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1944.

One of the hundred greatest Looney Tunes and well worth that title!

Germany isn’t doing so hot these days. (These 1941 days to be precise) All of the planes they send to bomb Moscow are being destroyed mysteriously. Could it possibly be gremlins? It couldn’t be! Not with Disney refusing to allow any cartoons about them being made at the time. Hitler is furious. (And let’s be real here, this is the funniest Hitler to ever exist. He screams, he speaks in random words with a bad German accent, and he moves like a spaz! It’s the only time I can say: “I love this guy!”) He finally decides to just send the finest person Germany has to offer: himself. As he flies to Moscow, (which, did you know, borders Berlin?) it appears that he is not alone. Several gremlins are on board and they sing a hauntingly catchy song. What’s more, they appear to be caricatures of various looney people. Tedd Pierce, Friz Freleng, Chuck Jones, Leon Schleshinger, and the man himself, Bob Clampett. They set to work destroying the plane. A “Tubby” gremlin tries to stab Hitler in the butt, one saws the plane and just barely misses his pal, a adorable teeny one smashes the dials with a hammer, and one unleashes a termiteski to devour the plane. (Unlike termites which eat wood, termiteskis subsist on only the finest of messerschmidts.) One joke that is kinda dated is replacing Hitler’s C card with an A card. (Gas rationing. C is more.) The “Millar” gremlin finally gets Adolf and the fuhrer finally realizes he has company. (Also the little one he talks to is holding a feather, that magically morphs into a hammer) They put his nose in an electrical socket, and the resulting shock turns him into a glowing swastika, skunk, and donkey in that order. He pulls a knife on them, but they scare him with a Stalin mask. (And then the short immediately jumps to him on the floor. I can’t help but wonder if a scene was cut) With him taken care of, the gremlins cut around him and he falls to earth with the plane crushing him. He pops out of the ground to comment on how “Nutzis is the cwaziest peoples.” The gremlins pound him back under his grave where he belongs.

Personal Rating: 4

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Herr Meets Hare

“Watch your blood pressure, Chubby!”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1945.

Hitler’s pet, Hermann Göring, (or as the short affectionately calls him, Fatso) is taking a break from being part of the worst kind of people in the world, (or as no one calls them affectionately, the Nazis) and is off on a hunting trip in the Black Forest. Bugs is tunneling nearby, and for the first time ever, makes a wrong turn at Albuquerque. The tubby one sets his gun sights on the rabbit. While Bugs asks Hermann for directions to Las Vegas. Hermann muses out loud about Vegas, and Bugs, ever the helpful sort, gives him the directions and sends him on his way. But as much as it pains me to admit, Göring was not that dumb and soon remembers that such a city does not exist in Germany. Bugs admires the medals the man has, but proves them all to be nothing but tin. Angry, Hermann starts insulting Hitler. Bugs uses this opportunity to disguise himself as the führer to really mess with Göring. (You ask why there is a mirror in the woods? I ask, “Why does it teleport to a different tree?”) He begs for forgiveness. He even gives a kiss. (♪ Right in the führers face! ♪) This causes some of Bugs fake mustache to come off on Hermann’s lips and upon heiling himself, he wises up. Chasing again, he hears something to his right. (Although Bugs comes from his left. Whoops.) It’s Bugs dressed as Brunhilde. (A good seventeen before “What’s Opera Doc?”) Hermann dresses as Sigfried and they dance. (Bugs getting the Nazi to crash into his shield) Hermann tries to set a falcon on him, but the bird can’t understand his commands through his accent. Bugs explains he is supposed to catch a rabbit. The bird grabs Bugs…and nods to show he understands. He takes off. Bugs wonders if the bird can actually catch him. Hermann has no doubts. Bugs tickles him and dives back into his hole. Unbelievably, the bird is at the bottom and catches Bugs in a sack. Yes, Bugs was actually caught! Gleeful over his prize, Hermann rushes to show Hitler. Hitler is happy and takes a peek into the bag. He freaks out and runs away with Hermann doing the same. Turns out, Bugs was able to scare them off with his Josef Stalin cosplay.

Personal Rating: 3