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Confusions of a Nutzy Spy

“That guy sure d-d-does act suspicious.”

Supervision by Norman McCabe; Story by Don Christensen; Animation by I. Ellis; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on January 23, 1943.

You may have noticed that lately, I’ve been talking about many wartime shorts. Well, in honor of mothers everywhere, (including my own; who I don’t think has ever visited this place) this will be the last one for awhile. And there’s no better way to end things off, than with my brother from another porcine mother: Porky!

Said b.f.a.p.m. is working as a constable. And he has decorated his place quite nicely. He has a bunch of hand prints on the wall labeled as a “Fingerprint Dept.” (Fittingly enough, all the prints have three fingers and a thumb), a letter A labeled as “Exhibit A”, a rather sizable limb that is “The Long Arm of the Law”, and several wanted posters. (In the case of the woman, she’s just simply wanted.)

And where would a constable be without a trusty bloodhound by his side? Old Eggbert might be a bit lazy, but his sense of smell is second to none. Good thing too, as there’s a German spy on the loose! A feline fellow by the alias of: The Missing Lynx! (Or maybe that is his real name. Poor guy probably had no choice but to be a spy) Befitting his title, this spy is a master of disguise. I mean, you’d have to be to fool Porky. But it only lasts so long before the pig realizes that the strange person who can make himself look exactly like someone he’s never seen and is wanted by the law, might, just might, be the spy of which he seeks.

And what is this guy even doing here in the states? He’s going to blow up a bridge! Well, that’s what he intends to do. Despite the fact he is capable of keeping Porky away by donning a Porky mask and ordering him away, (Said mask is now in my hands. No shame) Eggbert was able to grab the bomb bag and return it to the Nazi. He hands the explosive to Porky and ducks into a nearby cave. Once he realizes why the bag is ticking, Porky joins him. Eggbert comes too. (Dogs are pack animals.) Eggbert has been sneezing throughout the whole short, and he lets one loose here as well. Porky and the lynx are flung through the air. Porky is saved by grabbing onto a pole, but the lynx ends up embedded in a cliff wall with the bomb at his feet. But wouldn’t you know it? The bomb was a dud. Angered, he bangs it on the ground in frustration. That was all that was needed, and they spy is no more. He may be dead, but he’s just happy his bomb worked after all.

Personal Rating: 3

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Hop and Go

“I’m an ath-a-lete all right.”

Supervision by Norman McCabe; Animation by Cal Dalton; Story by Melvin Millar; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on March 27, 1943.

Our short of the week stars a kangaroo voiced by Pinto Colvig of Goofy fame. His name is Claude Hopper. (Which is probably the greatest name ever.) He may sound a little slow, but he’s a good guy and he has reason to brag: he IS the world’s greatest jumper. (And even though he is a male, they felt the need to give him a pouch.) But his boasting is overheard by a couple of rabbits named Andy and Sandy. (They’re easy enough to tell apart. Andy wears a tam o’ shanter and Sandy wears a hat that looks just like it but a different color. Simple.) Don’t know if their pride is hurt, or if they’re just dicks, but they decide to bring the marsupial down a bit. And they plan to do so by challenging him to a long distance hop.

Now, as any zoologist can tell you (and yes, I am “any zoologist”) kangaroo’s outclass rabbits by leaps and bound in leaps and bounds. The two are aware of this, and jump on Claude’s tail. Before he lands, they leap off in front of him, besting his distance by a couple of inches. He empties his non-existent pouch of all extra weight. (Material objects that is. I would have been angered if he had a joey in there) As he prepares to jump, one of the lagomorphs sticks some gum on his tail and cause him to land back on the scrapyard. What’s more, they have the nerve to laugh at his misfortune. Overcome with stress, Claude tries to show his strength by hopping all over the landscape. He ends up in a lake.

The rabbits are kind enough to rescue him and nicer still, offer to help him train to become as skilled as they are. Their method involves launching him from a giant lever with a crate in his…grr… pouch as ballast. Upon dropping a boulder on the other end, Claude is airborne! And boy does he fly! He reaches the kind of altitudes that airplanes fly at. Hours later, he’s still going. He decides to light a match to see where he is, as it is now night. This in turn gets him fired at. Only now does he realize that the crate he has, has dynamite in it. He drops it below just as he lands. Surround by rubble, he feels assured that he is the “champeen” now. His reasoning? He just bombed Tokyo. (Ah, World War II. If you had never happened, this might be considered the most evil punchline of all time.)

Personal Rating: 3

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The Fighting 69th 1/2

“Our objective will be the hot dog!”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Jack Miller; Animation by Gil Turner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on January 18, 1941.

Throughout history there have been many wars. The Civil war, the console war, the game of war, just to name a few. One thing they all have in common is that they were all fought by humankind. But battles aren’t reserved for just people. Sometimes the animal kingdom gets in on the action. Our story begins with a picnic and two colonies of ants. The people who set up the picnic are nowhere to be found, so the ants have free reign over the goodies. It all starts when a red ant and a black ant both lunge for the same olive. There may be plenty of food to go around, but the thought never occurs to them and they declare war on each other. And they ain’t kidding. They’ve got tanks with real caterpillar treads and winged ants to act as bombers. (In case it wasn’t obvious, this short ignores the fact that all of the fighting ants should be female.) A group of reds makes their way to their target. Diving into cheese for cover along the way. When they get what they came for, they are ambushed by the blacks who take it back to their side. (Sadly, the short remembers that it can make a blackface ant joke and does so. Different time periods and all that. At least he only shows up once) The ants are pretty resourceful. Launching a toothpick like a harpoon to catch some peas, (War and peas go so well together you know) and using Limburger cheese as a gas bomb. But in the end, they can’t compete with larger forces, and the battle stalls when a woman comes to take the picnic away. (So I guess she already had eaten before this, but it looked pretty untouched to me. What a waste.) But despite taking it all, she doesn’t take the cake and the ants begin fighting anew. During the scuffle, the generals come to a realization: fighting is what caused them to lose everything in the first place. (Well, most of everything. They did get a few morsels.) A peace conference is declared where they decide to divide the cake equally. Almost. There’s a cherry on top, and each side wants it for themselves. The war reignites.

Personal Rating: 3

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Yankee Dood It

“How can I run my business without elves?”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6z2bzu

Directed by Friz Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy, Virgil Ross, and Art Davis; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on October 13, 1956.

Last of the shorts trying to teach. I promise. (Private Snafu doesn’t count. Those weren’t intended for anyone but soldiers)

We begin in Smurf Village. Or I guess right next door, as we look in a hollow tree that is close to the mushroom houses. Inside, we see elves. (Actually, it’d make sense that they would live in trees. It’s where they make their cookies) The leader looks an awful lot like Elmer, so let’s just call him what we all thought of: Elver.

Clever, but not what I meant. He’s just got done reading the roll call. Despite making it past the Z’s he decides now is the time to question where all the missing W’s are. (I think that’s what he’s looking for. He says it as “wouble u’s”) One little elf, (who we will call Joey. Joey the elf) knows where they went: to help the shoemaker. (Either that or Santa mistook them for his. Just naming all the jobs elves do, today) Elver is upset. That was over one hundred years ago. (No, they never explain how the shoemaker is still alive. It’s one of three options: 1. The shoemaker takes really good care of himself, and has surpassed the average human life expectancy. 2. Eating an elf every year makes you immortal. 3. Elver is exaggerating and is full of crap.) Joey is sent to go retrieve them. As he leaves, he is also reminded that the word “Rumplestilskin” is a magical word for elves and can save them from danger. The elves are indeed at the shoemakers. (From Keebler to cobbler.) The owner, (who I’m naming Sherm) really enjoys it. Mostly because he doesn’t have to pay them. (Slave labor is less wrong when you’ve got an entirely different species doing your work.) Joey arrives as a tiny glowing ball. (Since when can he do that? Is this another elf fact we’re learning today? While I’m on it, why do they have antennae?) Sherm smacks what he thinks is an insect (The antennae aren’t helping make it any easier) but finds it’s another elf. Joey wants his people back, but Sherm is hesitant. He’d have to hire humans then. And they’d probably want *gulp* payment! Or worse, breaks! He also says “Jehosophat” and it turns out this is another one of those magic words that affect elves. It slowly turns them into mice. Now spouting a tail, Joey begs for that word to not get spoken again. Sherm just so happens to have a Sylvester the cat around who is looking at Joey with great interest. The cat leaves and the phone rings. The caller asks for a Jehosophat. Now Joey has matching ears. Then, a telegram is delivered that Sherm reads out loud. It was a birthday greeting for a Jehosophat. That’s done it. Joey is now full on mouse and Sylvester is on the hunt. The new mouse runs into a giant hole. (Seriously, that thing is huge! Sylvester could just follow him in! And for that matter, who made it? They must have rodents of some kind around!) Despite the easier option, Sylvester tries to reach him with a coat hanger, but only nabs some exposed wires. Joey has forgotten the word that will help him and rushes to the phone book, as he at least remembers it was a name that started with R. He finds it just in time and is reverted back to normal. For some reason, this stops Sylvester from eating him. (I’m not an expert on house cats, but aren’t elves responsible for a good 45% of their diet?) Shem tells him to knock it off, and Elver decides to come see why he is still missing elves. (As long as he knows where they are, why does it matter if he has them back or not? We could learn so much about the Elf race, but no, instead we’re going to get another economics lesson.) Elver is here to tell how Sherm can run his business without elves. The main reason he can’t keep up the enslavement isn’t because it’s morally and ethically wrong, it’s just too old fashioned. According to Elver, older methods are destined to fail and must be modernized. (I get what he’s saying, but what if you have a really good way of making your product? One that doesn’t need upgrading.) If he buys better equipment with his profits, he can increase his production, and get an even bigger profit. But the cycle never ends, and he will have to keep using some of his gains to upgrade again and so on. (When, you put it that way, it just sounds depressing.) Nevertheless, Sherm is convinced and agrees to do it the modern way! Six months later, his shop is a much larger building, he has nicer clothes and his own office. Elver shows up again to check in on him. Sherm is doing quite well for himself. He only has one problem now: he needs a name for his new line of boots. Without any reason why, he dubs them “Jehosophat boots.” Turns out, tagging boot on the end of that word instantly turns an elf to a mouse. And Sherm still has Sylvester. Elver runs for his life from the cat, trying to remember the word that will save him, having forgotten it himself.

Well, it was an interesting experiment, but I’m not sure how well it worked or was received. Luckily, Friz would go back to directing comedy, which I feel is where he shined best.

Personal Rating: 2

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Heir Conditioned

“You, doll!”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6z2bzo

Directed by Friz Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Art Davis, Gerry Chiniquy, and Virgil Ross; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Music by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on November 26, 1955.

The second of the shorts designed to teach economics. Figured I might as well get them all taken care of. This one has a bit more comedy over education I feel. It starts off with a cat in an alley. (Quite the dapper one too. He’s got a little vest and hat.) Glancing at a newspaper, he finds out that a friend of his has just inherited some money. He tells friends who tell friends, and the story gets exaggerated. (Considering the total goes from “a fortune” to one million to three million.) Such news even convinces a cat in a cage to put Tweety back in one piece. There are sure to be much tastier things in the future. Sylvester is said friend and it looks like he’s all for spending the money frivolously. But I guess his late owner foresaw that as he is stuck with the company of Elmer as his financial advisor. It’s probably a good thing he’s around. There’s a whole army of moochers (cats) outside coming to help spend the loot. Elmer throws them out, but they stick around. Watching and waiting for a chance to snag their prey. Elmer notices the saw going around the bag and switches it with a firecracker holding one instead. He tells Sylvester they are going to invest the money. (Really now, can’t you let him have some of it to have fun with? I’m not surprised the putty tat tries to make a run for it) His pals are still trying to help too. Dressing as a phony mother, with a phony kitten, in a phony snowstorm asking for pho- I mean real cash. Elmer buys this and is all set to hand over at least a few dollars, but the “baby” ruins it for asking for 5,000. His “mother” beats him for speaking. Why not send in their smartest cat, Charlie? Posing as a salesman, he at least gets in the house and demonstrates a cleaner for metal. He succeeds in dissolving Elmer’s watch. Even if it worked, I guess all that would happen is Elmer would buy some. Either way, he shows himself out. Elmer locks the door so he can finally get the lesson going. Starting up a slideshow, (again, don’t try and learn this stuff from me.) He explains how life used to be much harder. Specifically, the work world. People would work long hours for little pay. But thanks to investing, new products were made. Which led to more jobs to make said products, and higher wages. With more people working, shorter hours could also be allowed. The cats (most of whom I think are voiced by Stan Freberg) saw all this, and wouldn’t you know it, they reform. Sylvester is not so easily swayed, and while Elmer’s back is turned, he runs the money over to his pals. In turn, they scold him and demand he puts it back. The economic structure depends on it! Sylvester finally agrees to invest it. Bitter that his owner didn’t take the money with her, saving him the headache. (Seriously though. That’s three million dollars. During the fifties, yes, but still a goodly amount. Like I said, I’m not an investor, but you really can’t let him have maybe 10,000? At least let him have one party.)

Personal Rating: 2

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By Word of Mouse

Is good, yes!

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy, Art Davis, Ben Washam, and Ted Bonnicksen; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on October 2, 1954.

During the 50’s there was a time where Mr. Freleng directed some shorts teaching about America’s economic systems. Sponsored by the Sloanne Foundation, all three of them had Sylvester in them to keep them relatively humorous. This is the first of them.

In a German town called Knokwurst-on-der-Rye, (I hear they have good taste) a mouse named Hans has returned from America. His family eager to hear about his trip. It started off simply enough, he greeted his cousin, Willie and they set off to see the sights. Hans is amazed by all the technological advancements this new land has compared to what he’s familiar with. Surely, these are all very rich people to be able to afford all these wonderful things. Actually, no. But Willie isn’t exactly the best one to explain how the system works and so they visit a mouse at a university to explain things. Basically, the people who make these products, sell them for cheaper than it costs to make them. In such a competitive market, you have to cut prices to give the customer reason to take your product over theirs. Seeing as a cat is stalking them, the professor (who doesn’t really have a name, so I’m just going to call him that) slams Sylvester’s head in a book before continuing the discussion in a drawer. When the cat peeks in, he burns his whisker on the lighter they were using as a light source and as he goes to put it out, they relocate to a filing cabinet. To continue the discussion, selling things without making a profit, can work to the producers favor. If enough people want to buy his product, then in the end he will still make a good amount of money. Sylvester is able to find them easily, because they foolishly hid in the folder about mice. Luckily for them, it was also clearly about mallets. They hide in a water cooler. Can’t have a meal without a drink right? I like how Sylvester actually bothers to drink all the water he’s emptying to get them out. (No sense in wasting it.) But now he’s too waterlogged to catch up to his prey, and the professor is able to lure him into an open manhole. Hans finishes up his story. (Because I guess he came home after that.) His family now knows the ways of mass production. Correction: they always were quite aware of it. Mice have many offspring, after all.

Hope you aren’t trying to actually learn economics from me. I’m an animation historian/zoologist. I’m just summarizing what I got from this short. If you really want to know more, visit your local library. So you can use their computers to study. In today’s day and age, is there really any point in doing it the old way?

Personal Rating: 2

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Daffy Duck’s Easter Egg-citement

“You ain’t laid a good egg in months.”

Executive Producer: Hal Geer; Produced by DePatie-Freleng; Sequence Directors: Tony Benedict, Gerry Chinquy, Art Davis and David Detiege. A TV special released on April 1, 1980.

Happy Easter! My favorite holiday! And what does Easter make one think of? Eggs, Chocolate and animals returning from migrations. You didn’t say rabbits, did you? We’re discussing Daffy’s special today. We’ll get to Bugs’ another time. What does Daffy have over Bugs? Original content! Three new shorts that had been yet to be shown to the world.

Our title screen looks pretty good to me, but Daffy is not satisfied. Besides the Easter egg, there isn’t much of the spectrum being used here. (Personally, brown is my favorite Easter color) We never see the animator here. (So if you want to think it’s Bugs, go ahead.) Daffy wants to be part of an Easter parade. All he needs is an outfit. After getting painted into a scuba suit, he gets a dapper tux. He is then stampeded by hens. Foghorn shows up and sends Daffy away with a script, saying that he’ll show up in scene 49. Time for the first short!

The Yolks on You

First on our plate, a cartoon about eggs. How do you think Easter eggs are made? I’m sure you believe the old myth about dyeing them yourself. (What really happens, the vinegar causes you to pass out and you just THINK you did all the work.) They come from hens of course. Foghorn is the boss, and assigns each of the hens in his care a color to lay. Prissy is also there. She is actually able to lay eggs in this one, but they come out shaped like… I don’t know. Some kind of teeth? Her anxiety only gets worse, as she is assigned the hardest color you can make an egg: Turquoise! (Unless you are an American Robin. Those showoffs! They figured out the secret ages ago, and continue to lay that color just to spite other birds.) Prissy tries her best, but the egg comes out gold. (The short never specifies that it is solid gold, or just colored that way, but it seems to go through more abuse than an egg should, so I guess it’s real.) Not wanting to be found with this mistake, she throws it away. It rolls down the hill. At the bottom, Sylvester is picking through the trash. Tough as things are, he at least has a friend: Daffy. (Scene 49 came quick!) Daffy is not quite the friend you want sharing your food though. He helps himself to Sylvester’s fish skeletons. Daffy is first to spot the egg, and tries to keep it to himself. Sylvester isn’t fooled and they chase for it. Daffy eventually gets in a taxi, but can’t relax due to his paranoia. (Read: Sylvester tapping on the window repeatedly.) The cat gets the egg back again, and Daffy tickles him to release it. This isn’t getting them anywhere. Daffy has an idea to keep it hidden so other’s won’t find it. Paint it white, and stick it in a hen house. No one would suspect it’s valuable. And no one does. A truck takes all the eggs away thinking they’re all food. The duo chase after it. Later that night, they’re still looking through all the eggs. Cracking each one, hoping to eventually find their treasure.

During the intermission, Daffy complains to the artist again. He demands an Easter basket. The artist complies. Daffy also wants a chicken on it. He gets a chick outfit painted on him. Not finding it funny, he refuses to move. A lever is painted under him, and a rock launches him into the sky. While he’s gone, the ground is replaced with water. And with a torpedo headed for him, Daffy has no choice but to use the basket as a boat.

The Chocolate Chase

Daffy has a new job. He is to guard a chocolate factory. (Said owner is a pig in a sombrero. I’d give him a name, but he disappears after telling Daffy to keep kids out.) A nearby village of mice, is hoping to get some chocolate rabbits for their kids. They are poor, but they gather all the money they can to buy some from Daffy. He takes it all, declares it not enough and sends them away. Geez! That’s evil! (And possibly racist, seeing as they are all Mexican.) Seeing as they are all Mexican, it seems quite obvious that Speedy would be related to one of the villagers. It just so happens that Speedy is related to one of the villagers, and agrees to help out. He gets one easily, and hands it to a grateful child. (Those rabbits are tiny! I get that they are mice, but does the factory really make such small chocolate molds? On another note,) I really do like that the kids thank Speedy. He is really making their Easter special. (Don’t try and tell me that Easter is more about the religious aspects. In a poor village, the chocolate is the only thing making it different than a normal Sunday.) Daffy has pretty good reflexes, as he is able to get Speedy in a net. (Doesn’t slow him down though. And Daffy is yanked through a fence’s knothole.) And a motorcycle isn’t any help. (Not only is Speedy faster, Daffy crashes and flies into a telephone pole.) Daffy tries to corner the mouse by chasing him into the factory. He chases him onto the machinery and winds up falling into the molten chocolate. Now encased in the confection, he can’t stop the mice from taking what is rightfully theirs. They even bring Daffy’s frozen body to their fiesta. Daffy manages to break his head free, but he isn’t mad. Chocolate has magical calming powers, and his attitude has adjusted. He’s just happy to be there.

Another intermission! What does Daffy want this time? Flowers! Cue the paintbrush. Now a “Daffy-dil,” (Which looks like a daisy with Daffy’s head. Or rather, Daisy Duck!) Daffy figures things couldn’t get worse. Then a giant bee is added. (And if you’ve played “Conker’s Bad Fur Day” you know why this is bad. That bee isn’t going to eat Daffy, that’s a different kind of hunger in his eyes.)

Daffy Flies North

Well, that’s a boring title. But it is what he is doing. But he’s not enjoying himself. He decides to forgo on the whole instinct thing, and find another way to get north. Heading down to the ground he makes a three point landing! (If the pitchfork only had more prongs, he could have set a new world record.) Could hitchhiking work? Kind of. The car in question is full of hunters and hounds. How about sneaking onto a chair that is being towed by a car? Again, it kinda works. Daffy still ends up in a lake. But there is still hope! A horse! He could ride it! But it’s not willing. (A horse can drink, but you can’t lead him away from water. Or something like that.) Daffy can’t really get on the horse, and besides he really does need a saddle. He does get one on the equine, and ties it (and himself) on so they can’t be ejected. It works at first, but since he can’t hold on, he slides under the animal and repeatedly hits his head on the ground. And I guess the horse would rather die than be used as a mount, as he heads into a lake. (Daffy is forced to carry the beast out. And I guess it was really cold as he is blue upon exiting. I suppose it could be due to lack of oxygen, but that is a little too dark. Either way doesn’t explain why the horse looks no worse for the wear) His next try lands him on a bull. (Sadly not THE bull from Bully for Bugs That would have been such a cool cameo! Daffy is chased onto an airplane. He kicks back, happy to have found an easy alternative to flying, which was flying. Except, it was headed back to South America. Right back to winter. (Since I don’t live in the southern hemisphere, I guess I can’t fathom it being cold. Even in winter, won’t it be at least seventy degrees?)

Well, that’s all for the new shorts. Daffy tries to get even with the paintbrush by shaving its bristles, but it shaves him instead. He is then painted inside an Easter egg. The brush is nice enough to paint a door on it. (Despite the fact it painted a sign to not open until next Easter.) Daffy tries to escape, but seeing the brush outside, he decides its better to just wait. (Being a bird, living in an egg is probably very soothing.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Hollywood Canine Canteen

“I’m a baaad bowwow.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Cal Dalton, Don Williams, and Richard Bickenbach; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on April 20, 1946.

TADA! Welcome to the new and improved Wackyland2! When I said I was cancelling the blog, I just meant that I was giving Squarespace the boot. That place sucked. Here is a lot more space for me to stretch my creative wings. It’s the same great taste, but with a whole new package! With still hundreds of shorts left to address, we’d better get started!

Dogs are some of the greatest animals on the planet! Hollywood seems to think so too. As all the biggest stars (at least of the 1940s) all seem to own one. What’s more, they look a lot like their owners too, making it easy to tell who is who. So what do these dogs do when their owners are out being caricatured in Warner Bros. cartoons? They decide to start a nightclub all their own! And everyone of the canine type is invited! Upon entering, patrons can drop their (fur) coats at the entrance. And one doesn’t need to worry about filling your belly: Dogwood himself is on hand making some tasty bone sandwiches, and cleanup is nothing to worry about. We’ve got Laurel and Hardy’s dogs on cleanup duty. (Our dishes wind up extra clean. Seeing as how Laurel’s pooch, keeps accidentally dropping what he just dried back into the sink.) A young dog tries to call home, but has to wait as there are quite a number ahead of him. Not to worry, there is plenty of entertainment to keep one occupied. Why not listen to Leopold Bowwosky conduct? His musicians are playing the Hungarian Dances. (Taking reading breaks when waiting for their part, and breaking violins when performing their part) But some aren’t taking things too seriously. Lou Costello’s dog can’t be bothered to stay with his instrument and will leave in the middle of a performance to get a drink. (And more amusing than that, acting like a jerk when people tell him to get back to work) He just might ruin the song too, as he’ll mistake any flies on his sheet music for actual notes. And our young friend is still waiting to call. But there’s only one ahead of him now! Some dog’s try to make connections. Bing Crosby’s dog is serenading the pet of Dorothy Lamour. But he can’t quite compete with Frank Sinatra’s dog. (Mostly because the latter’s singing is too irresistible for Bing’s pooch to try and top) With a fresh batch of music (and the occasional box of fleas) everyone is really getting into the dancing groove. Well, almost everyone. Our young friend is finally allowed to call home. Hope his voice is strong enough. Since dog’s can’t use telephones, he has to make do with a megaphone.

Personal Rating: 2

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Meet John Doughboy

“Our Open Door Policy is responsible for the Draft”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Vive Risto; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on July 5, 1941.

Want to learn some military secrets? Secrets that are over seventy years old? Porky has got what you want to know! (Sadly, he disappears from the short after his introduction.) Well, what have we got? We see our factories that pour molten metal into tank shapes. (Without those pesky molds. Here in America, we just pour it out, and it takes the shape.) Planes are an essential part of are army. And they can do some pretty spectacular things. A spitfire plane can actually spit fire A couple of guys aren’t worried about being drafted. The bigger one tells the smaller one, that he especially doesn’t have to worry. He’s too short. Unfortunately for him, stilts WERE around by the forties. There are some pretty quick gags too. A machine gun nest is actually a nest for the gun, and we see some of The Draft Horses that actually were picked. (Seeing as they all came from South America, the general is probably just racist.) Considering their ethnicity, It’s no surprise they start a conga line. An anti-tank gun is being tested, but the idiots who are in charge are too busy having a cigarette measuring contest to fire the weapon. So, it’s a good thing that we have other tools to fight with. A land destroyer so fast, that all one can see is a blur. (Slow it down, and you’ll see it’s just Jack Benny and Rochester in their car. Whatever works.) Okay, so maybe we aren’t as prepared as we could be in the event of a war. At least, if all we want to do is fight back. We’ve got a lovely defense system. Should enemy planes ever fly by, Miss Liberty will give them a dose of pesticide. Takes care of those annoying pests.

Personal Rating: 2

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Fifth Column Mouse

“Did you ever have a feeling that you a-wanted something?”

Supervision by I. Freleng, Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on March 6th, 1943.

Seeing as there’s no cat around, a large gathering of mice are having a grand old time. Singing, skiing, (fake snow) and lounging around. But a cat could come, and it does. (Rubbing his paw on the window to see better, leaves a couple of smudges that make a distinctive hair and mustache) I’m calling him: Dolph. When he enters, most of the rodents flee. But one is captured. (Seeing as how he is larger and gray rather than brown, I think he’s a rat. And with all the symbolism this short provides, that sounds about right.) Seems Dolph has a plan, but he needs the rats help. (His name shall henceforth be: Columbus) Said rat, is initially against the idea, but is easily bribed with cheese. He tells the mice, that the cat simply wants to help. They treat him like a god, and in turn he will keep them safe and well fed. Sounds like a good deal. Can’t possibly see anything backfiring here. The mice agree and appease their new master. But all too soon, Dolph shows his true colors and has a hankering for some mouse. And that does not exclude a rat either. They are all fair game in his eyes. They escape though, and begin a plan to fight back, building a secret weapon in the process. But I’m not above spilling the occasional secret: it’s a mechanical bulldog with extendable teeth. And it works too! Dolph flees and the mice cheer. Columbus tries to play it cool, but still has cheese thrown in his face.

Personal Rating: 3