Author: Dr. Foolio

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The Pied Piper of Guadalupe

“Don’t go Armando! No! Don’t go!”

Directed by Friz Freleng. Released in 1961

Another Academy nominee? Speedy sure got a few of those didn’t he? So what did it lose to? (*Google search*) “Ersatz”? That’s a darn, fine film to lose to.

Sylvester it seems, has really lost his touch. He can’t catch any mice. They’re fast and they carry demeaning signs and smack him with planks. Thinking in front of a book sale, (One of which is apparently written by story man Warren Foster. Which makes perfect sense.) he spies a copy of the Pied Piper. Surely, the same thing would work on mice as well as rats. After taking some lessons from the J.C. Mendelez, he gets dressed up to play the part and begins to play his flute. The mice laugh at his attempts, but soon stop when it works. They can’t help but dance over to him, where he knocks them out and places them in his jug. Even tying their tails to a stake can’t hold them back and soon they’re all captured. Save one.

Speedy is still there. (Did he not hear the music?) He asks for the gato to release his friends, or Speedy will just have to rescue them. Underestimating him again, (Sylvester! You have to stop doing that.) he opens the jug and Speedy makes good of his word. Sylvester plays the flute and Speedy dances over only to smack him with a mallet. Why is Speedy immune? It’s not fair or good story writing. You could have shown Speedy trying to sleep, plugging his ears to keep out the noise, and warning his friends that their teasing is dangerous.

Sylvester ditches his cute outfit and hides in a barrel with some dynamite. Speedy rolls the barrel along which ends up trapping Sylvester in the container with a lit explosive and a dog. He gets a motorcycle and chases the mouse, who stops short at a cliff and lets the cat careen over the edge. Sylvester eventually gets out, but Speedy next leads him into a collision with a bus. Sylvester has no choice but to go to the “El Gato Infirmary” and get some casts on his broken bones. Speedy points out he dropped his flute. (“Don’t you want heem?” “No, I don’t want ‘heem’.”) Sylvester tells Speedy he can have it. The mouse plays and Sylvester is forced to dance after him on his broken foot. (That’s harsh.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Cannery Woe

“I don’t he like us also, too.”

Directed by Robert McKimson. Released in 1961

In what I think is the mouse version of the slums, two mice wake up. As is typical of Speedy shorts, (Is that a spoiler?) they have the names of Manuel and Jose. They are hungry, and I guess there either is no food for them, or they are just lazy, because they list off a bunch of potential people they could mooch off of but don’t like them anymore instead of deciding on where/what to eat. But it appears to be their lucky day! Mayor Raton, (Spanish for mouse) is holding a fiesta to encourage others to reelect him. He’s even giving away free cheese for everyone.

Except our main characters. They are kicked out. (Hypocrite.) Despite the fact they are unwelcome, they watch from atop a wall and show their support anyway. The mayor calls for the cheese committee to bring out the goods. They look like they’ve been to war. It turns out there is a new addition to the store where they have always gotten cheese. Namely a cat. All is lost! (American mice would go on anyway. And then be eaten. Patriotic pride is no match for mother nature.) Jose and Manuel somehow get in without being thrown out and offer to help. Seems they know of a very fast mouse who left Jose with a whistle to blow if he is ever needed. (Speedy would turn 8 this year. He’s still not more well known in his country?) They will call him if they are granted their demands. Which are whispered, as if we didn’t already know what they want. The mayor (and his nose that turned tan for a slight second) agrees and Speedy is summoned.

Speedy goes to the store where Sylvester once again, underestimates him. Speedy runs through his legs and tears some fur off. (“Speedy was here!”) And again on his way out. (“Also here!”) Sylvester lays some tacks down. Speedy goes around and the cat runs through them after him. (Twice.) He gets stuck lighting a cannon, but Speedy helps by pulling the cord. The cannonball somehow doesn’t hit Sylvester as it is fired but lands on his head. Sylvester sets up many mousetraps inside, but ends up cornering himself. Speedy tosses a ping-pong ball at them which sets them all off.

Having brought back enough cheese, the Mayor is true to his word and grants Jose and Manuel their request. To be the official cheese judges. As for Speedy? He gets to be the chick inspector. What does that even mean? Does he judge the females on how attractive they are and refuses the ugly ones the right to stay? Who knows? Pfft, Men. (For the third time.)

Personal Rating: 3

We regret to inform those who come by, that there will not be a new update next week. I’ll be going on a trip. We will resume afterwards. Stay Looney.

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West of the Pesos

“Mio Speedito is muy loco.”

Directed by Robert McKimson.  Released in 1960

I just want to say that this place has been getting fairly popular lately. I want to thank everyone who stops by. Especially those leaving comments. They really make my day. Now on with the show.

Our story takes place in a village called “Veelage.” (That is probably the best name ever.) In a nearby lab, a one Sylvester J. Pussycat is guarding the entrance. Inside, several mice await their doom. And for anyone who is concerned that animal labs are hardly different from concentration camps, can rest easy. This one is okay because it says “Expieramento Scienteefic” on the front. (That’s reasonable) The other mice in town are worried and have set up a sign that lists the missing mice. (Two of which include Pablo Picasso and animator Manuel Perez, who ironically didn’t work on this short.)

They would like to go save everyone, but they are not fast enough. Why not Speedy? Well, he’s in Guadalajara at the moment. He’d need a pretty good reason to come down. A mouse-ette named Carmella might do the trick. She gives him a call and he’s there in no time. (Pfft, men.) He agrees to help and walks up to the gate. He tells “El Poosygato” about how he plans to come in and rescue his people. Chuckling, Sylvester opens up the gate. Speedy runs, and slips right through Sylvester’s paws. (Leaving a bad case of mouse-burn, I might add.) Slyvester works fast and quickly sets up a snare trap. Speedy ends up dragging him through the little knot hole it’s threaded through. He brings the mouse back where he is immediately hugged by his… wife? Maybe? Whoever she is, it’s nice not to have all the females lusting after Speedy this time.

Sylvester waits with a rock, but Speedy surprises him and he drops it on himself. After getting more mice, they run out under a can. They hide by two more. Sylvester checks them all. The last one contains a dynamite stick. (The second one had the mice.) On the next run out, the mice dress as a dog to keep the kitty away. It works until one trips out of the disguise, exposing the jig. Sylvester chases but still crashes into the wall. Speedy sets some train tracks that lead into the building, and runs out pulling the mice in cars. (Speedy uses a cigar to imitate smoke. He won’t be able to run so mast for much longer.) Sylvester hides behind a tunnel with his mouth open, but the train comes out through his tail. That’s the lot then. Carmella thanks Speedy with a kiss and that sends him rocketing into the sky. (Pfft, men.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Here Today, Gone Tamale

“Shut up your cheese trap!”

Directed by Friz Freleng.  Released in 1959.

At the Mexican docks, all the mice are having a hard time surviving. There’s no cheese and they are starving. (Gee, that’s a shame. Considering, that mice can eat just about everything that is edible.) It’s gotten so bad, that they are even dreaming about the stuff. But wait! It’s not a dream! An honest to goodness, boat full of cheese is docking. The run up happily and run back down scared. There’s a one Sylvester the cat on board guarding it all. It’s hopeless. One mouse prepares to do himself in. (It works as a joke, because of his companion’s blatant lack of respect for him.)

Well, hold that trigger, compadre! Speedy Gonzales has agreed to help out with the situation. Sylvester is shocked to see the mouse is fast enough to run right by and back. He actually gets Speedy in a net, but is dragged around the ship. Speedy also locks him in a room full of Limburger. Good thing there was a coat hanger in there, or he would have died. Then in a surprising move, Sylvester agrees to share with the mice. (And he actually refers to Speedy by name. I’m pretty sure that never happened again.) Actually, he’s hiding a hammer behind his back. Speedy is too fast though, and Sylvester mallets his hand.

He sets up a guillotine for Speedy, but the mouse enters another way. The cat chases him under the blade. (He forgot all about it.) Blocking the main way onto the ship just leaves a pipe that leads to his mouth. Speedy drags him around again, this time in a rather painful looking way. He eventually rips right through Sylvester’s tail. Having saved the mice, they all have a grand time dancing. Sylvester reckons that since he couldn’t beat them, he should join them, and he does that whilst wearing a big pair of mouse ears. The mice are nice enough to accept him. (Or maybe they don’t but the short ends here anyway.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Mexicali Shmoes

“I’m too young to go kaboom!”

Directed by Friz Freleng. Released in 1959

Another Academy Nominee! (It lost to a short called “Moonbird.” Nothing should have ever lost to that short.)

Our story begins with two cats. The slightly chubby one is Jose, and the lanky one is Manuel. Speedy runs by pretty much just to taunt them, and Manuel pounces. Speedy naturally, escapes. Jose tells him there’s no point to chasing him, you need brains. Manuel is lacking in that department, but it’s fine. Jose has enough for both of them, and they set out to get some supper. Arriving at Speedy’s place, they invite him out to join their fiesta. Speedy does so, and easily outmaneuvers them when they start trying to take a whack at him. He hides on Manuel and Jose crushes his compadre while missing the mouse.

Plan B. Trying something that he saw “That gringo Bugs Bunny” do in a moving picture, Jose baits a fishing pole with cheese. (I’ve seen every Bugs short at least once, and I don’t recall that. Liar.) Speedy takes the bait, and drags Jose to L.A. Much later, he returns telling Manuel that his sister said hello. (Manuel: “Hello, sister.”) They stuff some dynamite in the hole and wait for the explosion. Speedy sneaks behind them and blows up a bag. They rush off, where Jose shows his true colors. He meant to eat Speedy all by himself. (I think this would have been better as the last gag, but whatever. It’s a good one) They tussle, but Jose wins. Peeking in, he sees they’ve been tricked. He goes back to Manuel to apologize… and tell him that Speedy is rightfully his. Manuel gets a face full of explosive.

They plant some land mines, but end up chasing Speedy through it. Jose is terrified, but Manuel apparently knows where they buried them all, (Under those dirt mounds?) and carries his pal to safety. (I guess I’m wrong. He stepped on one.) Getting out, he accidentally sets Jose down on one of them. Jose returns the favor. They give up. Manuel suggests they go after the slowest mouse in all Mexico, Slowpoke Rodriguez. Jose excitedly goes to the place and grabs the pokey rodent. Manuel tries to tell him something else, but its too late. Slowpoke may be slow, but he’s not defenseless. He packs a gun. And he uses it too.

Personal Rating: 3

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Tortilla Flaps

“What for you steal my supper for?”

Directed by Robert McKimson. Released in 1958

Some sort of fiesta is going on in Mexico. (One kids seems to fly away on a balloon.) Even the mice are having a good time, setting up some sort of carnival. One of the highlights is watching Speedy play against himself in ping-pong. Up in the sky however, there are hungry eyes watching. It’s a bird known as Senor Vulchurro… I’m sorry, Vulturo. (Am I the only one who really wants another Viva Pinata game?) He comes down for lunch, causing the mice to scatter. He very nearly catches one, but Speedy beats him to it and leaves a fire cracker for the bird instead. (Despite his name, he doesn’t look like a vulture. More like a crow. A green crow. Maybe he’s a jackdaw?)

He naturally gives chase. Speedy leads him onto some train tracks where he is flattened by a train. And then a handcart. Speedy tells him that he is too fast to catch, but offers to lead the bird to a fat mouse that is sure to be a treat. (High calorie things usually are.) The bird follows as Speedy leads him to a mouse hole. The bird crashes his head above the entrance and cracks his skull. Opting for using his brains instead of wings, the bird sets up a ball and cup game, (Do those even have a proper name?) where the ball has been dunked in nitroglycerin.

It seems that Speedy would have fallen for it, had the bird not left his leg in sight. Speedy plays along and learns that this game is from his very own Lupe. (Seeing as this is Speedy, he wonders which Lupe sent it.) He begins to toss it over the cup to himself and back. Vulturo gets fed up and tries to show him how you’re supposed to play. Speedy grabs the ball and asks if the bird gives up and he refuses. Speedy drops the ball and the bird accepts. As his punishment, he must take place in some of the carnival games. And I do mean take place. One side has mice throwing balls at his head, and the other has them throwing darts at his butt.

Personal Rating: 3

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Tabasco Road

“Hola gato! You wanna fight?”

Directed by Robert McKimson. Released in 1957.

This short is another nominee for best animated short. It lost to “Birds Anonymous” (At least that’s a good short to lose to.)

At night in Mexico (maybe City or maybe some other place, I don’t know) the mice are having a great time at the cantina. They’re celebrating Speedy. (Is it his birthday? The fact they depend on him for survival? It’s not important.) Two mice known as Pablo and Fernando are already muy loaded on the Tequila, but ignore Speedy’s warnings and continue to drink up. At 3:00 A.M. the place clears out. Those two aren’t dead despite all the alcohol they have no doubt consumed, and tipsily head home. (I agree with them. They make a fine “trio.”) Speedy is well aware that they are in trouble and sets off to find them.

They meanwhile have attracted the attention of an alley gato. (“I think I saw un pussy gato.” “You did! You did see un pussy gato!”) Drunk as they are, they don’t recognize the danger and instead put up their dukes. The cat prepares for a feast, but Speedy arrives in the nick of time and saves Pablo; putting him in a sardine can for safekeeping. When he goes back for Fernando, he only finds his sombrero. He assumes the worst, but finds him in the can also. (Drunken mice have teleporting powers.) Speedy runs Ferny home telling Pablo to stay put. Once he gets his friend home, he rushes back for the other one. Unaware that Fernando climbed out of his window and is still stumbling about.

The gato meanwhile has found Pablo and puts him in his mouth. (Grey nose.) Speedy has seen all this and runs over. The cat screams, we hear a snap and then he kind of explodes. Ummm… what? Speedy apologizes for his… well speed, and does the whole gag again in slow motion. We see that he hammers the cat’s foot causing him to scream. Speedy grabs Pablo and sets him down on a set mousetrap. He quickly gets him off and puts him in a glass bottle, then he lights a firecracker and puts that in the cats mouth. Bad luck though, the bottle was broken and Pablo got out. Fernando meanwhile finds his way into the cats mouth himself. Speedy redoes the fast gag again and this sends the gato running for the “Ceety Leemits.”

The two drunkards are safe now, right? That’s how a Disney short would end. To Speedy’s surprise, the two have found an alley full of dozens of gatos, challenging them to a fight.

Personal Rating: 4

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Cat-Tails for Two

“Why did you hit yourself on the head for, George?”

Directed by Robert Mckimson. Released in 1953

It’s night at a wharf. The moon is bright, the water is green, and two cats are going hunting. The little one is named George and the hippo in a cat suit is named Benny. ( “Of Mice and Men” reference) They are played by Blanc and Freberg respectively. (To be fair, this is one of Freberg’s funniest roles. Don’t take my hippo quote the wrong way. I love Benny.) Benny actually appeared the year before in a short with Sylvester and Hippity Hopper called “Hoppy Go Lucky.”

Back to our featured short. Benny wants to come hunting with George who agrees on account that Benny not do stupid things like he always does. He points out a ship in from Mexico and comments on their Mexican feast they will have. Benny loves Mexican food! It gives him the heartburn that he loves! He agrees to throw George aboard and tosses him into the side. He doesn’t notice until he’s hopped over himself and scolds George for disobeying the “No Fishing”  sign. (No Swimming.) He pulls him up and George brings out the trap he brought. He sets it up, but a blur runs over and steals all the cheese. The blur leaves a card behind that identifies him as the fastest mouse in all Mexico: Speedy Gonzales! Making his film debut! Let’s take a look at him.

Wh-what is this unholy terror?

Yes, in his debut Speedy had ragged fur, a red shirt, NO PANTS, huge eyes, oversized teeth, (one in gold) and only wore his sombrero in his very first scene. After this short, Speedy wouldn’t be used again until Freleng sort of adopted him two years later. It’s like when McKimson did that with Chuck Jone’s Henery Hawk, and Freleng previously did with Bob Clampett’s Tweety. Only McKimson made some more pictures with the mouse as well. I’m getting off topic.

George has Benny hoist a crate of anvils into the air while he sets some more cheese down. Speedy in turn blows up a bag near Benny and he drops the trap on George. (Of course, Speedy is fast enough to grab the cheese first.) Next George sets up many pieces of cheese near firecrackers. All he needs is a match. Speedy has one and runs to each cheese wedge, grabs it, and lights the fuse. George who is chasing him keeps getting caught in the explosions. (You know, if Speedy didn’t run so much, he’d be fat.) Benny goes to get some water to cool his friend down, but remarks that “P-e-t-r-o-l” is a funny way to spell water.

They set up a free casino that advertises lots of free girls but is really a hidden pipe. (Good thing all men share the same sexual orientation.) George then tells Benny to wait at the other end. Speedy naturally saw all this, but plays along. As he runs in, George pointlessly lights a rocket to chase the mouse, but gets launched alongside it. Benny ends up smacking him on the head. Getting a new pipe, George leads it into Speedy’s mouse hole, unaware that the rodent is bending it with a wrench. He stuffs lots of dynamite into the pipe  also oblivious to the fact it’s all piling up behind him. He lights the fuse and the resulting explosion launches the cats off the ship. No Mexican meal tonight.

Personal Rating: 3

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3 Private Snafu Shorts: The Goldbrick/The Home Front/Censored

And they’re all directed by Frank Tashlin! Hope you’re not sick of the guy yet. Don’t worry, we’ll be taking a break after this post.

“The Goldbrick” Released in 1943

“I do believe I’m putting on weight.”

Snafu is sleeping when he is woken up. (What else would he be doing if he was woken up?) He is naturally unhappy about this, and wishes to not have to get up for drills. A sprite named Goldie shows up and he lets Snafu in on some secrets of avoiding work. If you fake an illness, you can spend a day in bed with a hot nurse by your side. (Who must suck at her job if she can’t tell he’s faking.) When digging a trench, Goldie advises him to dig just enough for his head, and he’s earned a well deserved nap. Instead of pushing a load up a hill, have someone help while you sit on the load and push.

Soon, Snafu is lazy and out of shape. This comes back to bite him when he’s actually on the field. Deciding to goldbrick since that’s all he knows, he limps towards a convenient hospital. It’s a trap of course, and he ends up smashed by a hammer. He’s okay though and gets out. More trouble is out there, as an enemy tank chases him down. He digs a trench, but as he only ever digs enough for his head, his rear sticks out and the tank crushes him. He’s dead. (Snafu dies quite a few times in his shorts.) Goldie then reveals that he was really Japanese the whole time. (Remember: we were enemies. Japanese people do not look or sound like that.) But Snafu will be remembered, thanks to his 22 karat goldbrick grave.

Personal Rating: 3

“The Home Front” Released in 1943

“I didn’t know you cared.”

This short begins with Snafu in a very cold location. He complains because that’s what he does. He figures that all his loved ones are enjoying themselves back home. His dad is playing pool, his mom is playing bridge and gossiping, and his grandpa is being a pervert at a burlesque show. Worst of all, his sweet Sally Lou is no doubt dating someone else. (Isn’t that just how women are? If you leave them, they replace you.) Out pops good ole’ Technical Fairy First Class. He has a TV and lets Snafu see how much “fun” his family is having.

Turns out, that Snafu is the black sheep of the family, as the rest are working real hard. His dad’s building tanks, his mom’s planting a victory garden, and gramps is reinforcing battleships. And dear sweet Sally Lou? She joined the W.A.C.s. (I hope you feel like a dope, Snafu.) He tries to give her image a  kiss, but since she’s not really there, he kisses the fairy instead. (Hey, he lived this time. He’s coming home, Sally!)

Personal Rating: 3

“Censored” Released in 1944

“Mail this for me!”

Snafu is trying to send the lovely Sally Lou a letter. (A wimpy, short, dumb, lazy, man gets a hot chick? It’s plausible, but not fair.) Only one thing is preventing him from getting to the postbox: The censor. He/She/It catches Snafu and shreds his letter to nothing but “Greetings” and “Farewell.” On a train, Snafu tries again and this time folds it into a paper airplane. Tossing it outside does not work, as the censor has a net. The note is returned to Snafu as paper dolls. On the ship to his next destination, he tries again with the help of a dove he has in his pants. (Not one word about that.) The assistant censor, (a hawk) catches the bird who points out it was not his plan. (He’s some sort of stool bird!) The letter is beaked this time.

Snafu is getting desperate to talk to M.L. and luckily for him, his pal Technical Fairy First Class agrees to send it after Snafu tells him it’s safe. He and his girl use a code when speaking. The note delivers and Mary gets itttttt… I never thought I’d see this much skin when I decided to start reviewing shorts. (Yes, I know these shorts were for the armed forces, but she’s not even wearing a bra!) Even though he’s asked her to keep quiet, she goes on to tell her mother who goes on to tell more people. Eventually, through use of the telephone game, the Japanese here of it too and prepare an ambush at Bingo Bango island, where the U.S. is heading to. Unaware of the dangers, Snafu and the others land only to get blown up. Turns out it was all a dream. (Three shorts today. 1 death, 1 live, and 1 both.) Turns out T.F.F.C never sent the letter. Having learned his lesson, Snafu censors it himself.

Personal Rating: 3

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Double Feature! Unpublished Frank Tashlin books!

I’m sorry that I didn’t update last week. I was having personal problems; but that is no reason to shirk on my duties. So, to make up, I will post last week’s entry along with this weeks. Also, we’ll be switching to updates every Wednesday. (It’s easier for me) So let’s take a look at a couple of books, that Tashlin wrote, but never did anything with. (Could have been interesting to see them animated.)

Little Chick’s Wonderful Mother

This story takes place in two yards. In one, there is a chicken coop full of chickens, naturally. The other yard contains an incubator that has only one egg inside it. (Seems like a waste of money.) When the egg hatches, a black chick is born. (His color isn’t important, but the narration mentioned it.) The chicks in the next yard ask him where his mother is. He points out the incubator. It hatched him, naturally it is his mother. The chicks laugh at him. Heck, even the full grown hens and rooster laugh at him. (This is where we get jerk chicken from.)

Getting an idea, the chick somehow gets a hold of many objects and makes his “mother” look the part. Painting a face, giving her a broom as tail feathers, a poinsettia as a comb, and a corn cob beak. (Wait, she has a beak AND a mouth? That’s not scientifically correct. Talking poultry however, is fine.) Still, the birds laugh. The chick is sad, but promises “her” that no matter what the others might say, she is his mom and he loves her. Later, a rain storm rolls in and the hen house begins to flood. Being the hero of the story, the chick has all the other chickens climb onto his “mother” as she floats. They are saved and admit that she IS a good mother. The rooster then forces the other hens to look like her. (Um, I don’t think that’s necessary.)

Tony and Clarence

I like this one a lot more as it doesn’t need a moral.

Tony is an organ grinder. His monkey (the titular Clarence) is very efficient at his job. He collects many pennies and thanks the donators for every one. Being a monkey, he can climb anywhere in the city. This way, the lazy citizens don’t even have to get up to pay. At the end of every day, Tony and Clarence go home and have dinner and go to bed. (Sleeping in a bed with an animal is cute.) But one day, Clarence falls ill. (Sleeping in a bed with an animal is also not very clean.)

He is taken to the hospital and Tony asks the doctors to do all they can, and he will pay whatever they ask. But how will he do it without his monkey? A musician without a cute animal might as well have their tunes pirated. Well, the animal kingdom is full of options! Too bad his subs all have their little hiccups. Dog: chases cats. Elephant: falls through the hole in the street it made due to its weight. (Really? Several cars won’t do that, but one elephant will?) Giraffe: gets it’s neck tangled in the clotheslines. Beaver: chews the telephone poles. Pelican: goes fishing. Goat: eats buttons off of people’s clothing. (Maybe if you fed it, Tony…) Ostrich: doesn’t eat the coins like it would make sense to do, but rather does the old hiding in hole cliche that is not true.

Tony is sad and the other animals feel bad they let him down. Then the doctors call Tony with news about Clarence. Is he worse? Is he dead? Actually, he’s not even himself anymore. SHE is a mother. (Really Tony? You had this monkey for how long and you never could tell it’s gender? And how did she get preg…OH NO!) Now named Clarice, the monkey goes back to work with Tony. And he is now 6 times richer as all the young monkeys join in. (Monkey’s don’t have that many babies at once, you know. Let me have my nitpicking fun.)

Hope that makes up somewhat for disappearing last week. It’s great to be back.

Personal Rating: It may not mean much, seeing as they never got past the draft stage. But I’ll give them both a 2. There’s beginnings of greatness there.