Category: Final Appearances

Cartoons that were the finale for recurring characters. I.E., those that appeared at least twice.

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The Egg Collector

“You got that way, and I’ll go this way.”

My word! A bird! (egg)

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Robert Givens; Animation by Rudolf Larriva; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on July 20, 1940.

Egg collecting is a hobby I’ve never tried to understand. Actually, I’ve never heard of it outside of cartoons and museums. If that strikes you as fun and you’re not killing any unborn animals, go nuts. I’ll continue to collect Looney Tunes merchandise. Whoever holds the record for the most, please send it to me after you die. I’m just presuming I’m more of a fan than you are.

Sniffles has found a book on the titular topic in the bookstore where his friend lives. In what is the norm around here, this isn’t the friend’s first picture. This friend is a bookworm known as The Bookworm, who looks closer to the real thing than you’d think, seeing as he has limbs. He doesn’t talk, and is figiteraly and liguravely spineless. He’s cute though. Little glasses, droopy cheeks, bow-tie and collar, and little yellow gloves. Just what you’d expect a cartoon bookworm to look like.

The page Sniffles is on says that for amateur egg collectors, a good place to start is with some kind of fusion of ‘great horned’ and ‘barn’ owl: The Great Barn Owl. (Noctua janus.) It’s a good starting choice, because it won’t gut you like a cassowary or projectile excrete on you like a penguin. Nah, these nocturnal birds are pretty near harmless, feeding mostly on small rodents. Sniffles doesn’t know that word, nor the bookworm. (Wisest insect indeed!)

Sniffles figures a rodent must be a flower of some sort. And while it’s just a cute bit, I actually really approve of stories where animals don’t use the names we give them. Why would they? Especially the ones who were named by cruel types:

Fathead Sculpin
Pigbutt Worm
Stink Badger
Goose

And flower isn’t such an uneducated guess. Rodent sounds a bit like rhododendron if you’re drunk/lobotomized, and if the bird is harmless because of its diet, that means it shouldn’t eat aspiring egg collectors. Sniffles doesn’t even act like a rodent. I’ve never seen him gnaw.

The Bookworm just happens to know where one of these owls resides: that church across the street. Sniffles is game so the two head over. But as everyone knows, the inside is the scariest part of any building. The insect isn’t at all ashamed to admit he’s horrified. Sniffles’s scowl makes him change his mind. The rodent says they will split up. Booky agrees, but walks backwards to stay as close to Sniff as possible. With his back turned, he doesn’t notice when Sniffles takes a detour.

A rewarding detour! Sniffles finds the egg. Freshly hatched, so he doesn’t realize he only grabbed half of the shell at first. Upon finding the owlet, Sniffles thinks, “Bonus! Who knew this hobby included free snacks?” So, why do you really think he chooses to child abduct? Even if it’s as harmless as you believe, that’ll just make you look all the worse. Do you really think being a merciless bass turd is going to convince the W.B. to renew your contract? And how’s B.W. doing?

He bumped into father owl. Great shot of the bird eyeing him. Would’ve terrified my childhood a$$. As he thinks things over, he starts absentmindedly plucking feathers. As if papa isn’t pissed enough. The Bookworm suddenly remembers what kind of animals have feathers, and sheepishly tries putting them back, sweating tubs, rather than buckets. When Sniffles finds him, he tells how he got the goods. The owl responding to his comments with tranquil fury. Somehow not seeing the massive bird, Sniffles goes on to insult it as well. It was big, fat, stupid, dumb, old, and a nincompoop. Wait… his little buddy doesn’t talk…

Sniffles finally takes note of the painfully obvious. Mr. Owl delivers another bombshell: Sniffles IS a rodent. And don’t think that Bookworm is exempt from his wrath, he’s also on the menu. How many licks will it take to get to their centers? As he goes in for the kill, Junior reveals himself. As any good parent would, dad is distracted by the “birth” of his child. Relieved to see the little fella is healthy, unharmed, and his. This gives the other their chance to escape. Sniffles grabs the Bookworm and flees back to the store. Now a much wiser rodent.

During the peril, the bookworm fainted. Coming to, he has a heart attack to see the owl is still standing over him. But not really. It’s just the illustration in the book. So you saw that earlier, right Sniff? And you still couldn’t recognize the real thing? I’ve never seen a south american tapir outside of photos, but I think, I THINK, I’d still be able to tell when I was looking at the real thing!

Favorite Part: That shot of when they’re looking up into the church’s attic. Boy is that eerie! You’re just waiting for something to leap out of the darkness/twitch slightly in the distance making you unsure if you really saw something move.

Personal Rating: 2. This is barely different from the previous owl encounter. If the insect wasn’t so adorable, I’d give this a one.

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Bosko’s Dizzy Date

“Come on over, Bosko.”

Bosko and Bruno.

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Bob McKimson. A Looney Tune released on February 6, 1933.

You know what’s funny? “Porky’s Preview.” You know what’s odd? This short’s history. From what I can gather, this cartoon was originally made under another title, “Bosko and Honey.” It was also meant to appear in 1932. Instead, it got held back due to a good sum of reused animation from older works. Strange, yet, the original print can still be viewed. There’s really no need in discussing the one theatergoers didn’t see. But maybe there’s a parallel universe where things are switched around and I’d be blogging a-

Bosko and Honey

“Make it snappy, Bosko.”

Directed by Hugh Harman; Drawn by Rollin Hamilton and Robert MacKimson; Music by Frank Marsales. A Looney Tune released in 1932.

You know what’s humorous? “Breakdowns of 1939.” You know what’s strange? This short’s history. From what I understand, this was the original print of  a short set to debut, but got the axe for reusing too much older footage. While still able to be seen today, the finished print was a different cartoon entirely. It was titled “Bosko’s Dizzy Date.” Both prints are near identical, but since this was the original version, I’ll only discuss it. They’re pretty much the same thin-

-ney is teaching Wilber the fine art of violining. He’s not enjoying himself, and since this is his final appearance, why not let him spend his time doing something pleasant? I know my eardrums would appreciate it. Besides, his white arm disease might be catching. Quarantine the kid! And are you his guardian? Honey decides she might as well not suffer alone, so she calls up her boyfriend. He’s sleeping, so it falls to Bruno to answer the pho-

-ney asks the dog to rouse the sleepy Bosko, and Bruno complies. He shambles over to the phone, more dead than alive. Just like everyone who wakes up before ten A.M. He perks right up upon hearing his sweet-voiced Honey, and agrees to come right over. Honey goes back to her music lesson, but finds Wilber dancing on the keys. Little brat. Are you his guardian? Spank him! It’s not like he could prove you beat him black and b-

-osko decides to give the atmosphere a bit of a breather today, and bikes over to his honey-voiced sweetie. Whenever he enters a pipe, he and Bruno switch roles. Bosko makes for a rather cute dog. But for Honey’s sake, I hope he’s been neut-

-sounds just like that dog who joins him on the end card. I had no idea he was so good at impres-

-ogress goes backwards a bit when Bruno ends up running in a bit of pipe with Bosko caught on top, but falling into a pit fixes everything. Upon arriving, Bosko hears the affront to music that is Wilber. He decides to demonstrate what tunes and melodies are supposed to sound like via his saxophone. Honey is grateful to hear something that doesn’t make her ears envious of the mouth’s ability to vomit. She sings along while Bosko shows off some classic dance moves. Angry at being put in his place, Wilber empties a tub of water on-

-ater doesn’t dampen Bosko’s spirits at all. In fact, he’s able to blow bubbles just like before. Honey dances down them so she can join her BF on an outing. Have fun teaching yourself Wilber. There are no refunds for your lessons. Honey accepts cash or c-

-aught off guard via the sudden drink, but his bathing suit always appears when he needs it, so none of his good clothes were ruined. Still, as punishment, Wilber is banned from the rest of the picture. Bosko takes Honey on his bike, and they pass through the local barnyard. Scaring chickens, and both entering a barn, but Honey exiting on a steer. That’s the pure essence of comedy: a lady riding a bovine against her free will. Tired and cliche it may be, but Bosko yuks it up. You really need to learn to laugh at yourself, beautif-

-aithful Bruno tags behind with the picnic basket, but those trees are calling to him. I’m lying. The tree he has his sights set on knows full well what he intends to do, and kicks him away. Seems its bark is worse than Bruno’s bark. I think that can be my favorite joke. Bosko and Honey, meanwhile, have made themselves comfortable on a log. Bosko then offends Honey agai–

-fails to find the humor in her little mishap, but it’s more than just a figurative storm brewing. The two run for shelter while Bruno is left to get struck by the lightning. Poor little guy. Remember Bosko: dogs should always have priority over lady friends. If they don’t agree, they’re not a good match for you. They take refuge under a bridge, but a nearby pipe still catches Bosko in a deluge. There’s that laugh I wanted Honey to have. Don’t know what was so ‘dizzy’ about this date though. Wasn’t even a torn-

-hat’s where it ends. That was your outing? You really need to get Honey a present to make up for wasting her ti-

-orite Part: The fact that Honey didn’t find it at all odd that Bruno was the one answering the phone. Guess his breed is secretary. Now, the rating I’ll be giving can be applied to the other short as well. That’s-

-onal Rating: 1. Feels like two different cartoons were smushed together because they didn’t know how to end one, and finish the other. I don’t see why they were so afraid to release this one. It was barely changed for i-

-theatrical release. Hope you aren’t too disappointed that I’m not going to discuss both cartoons. The end of the summer season is upon me and I need at least one more dish of ice cream to help me survive eight more months of insufficient heat.

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Westward Whoa

“Th-Th-Th-Th-Those k-k-kids must think we’re pr-pretty dumb.”

Supervision by Jack King; Animation by Paul Smith and Ben Clopton; Music by Norman Spencer. A Looney Tune released on April 25, 1936.

This picture opens up eerily similar to the Mickey short “Pioneer Days”. But that’s explainable. Jack worked on that picture too. And Mickey was all color by this point in time, so they probably figured nobody would even remember his old work anymore. Give anything enough time, and you can claim credit as the first human to create it. I think I just need two more years before I debut my novel: “Anna Karenina”.

A wagon train crosses the land. Beans and Kitty are the leaders of this outfit, and they’ve got the most bad@$$ crew available. There’s Porky Pig.

That’s all. But they might as well bring more along for the trip. You can’t make a whole settlement with only three pioneers. The only other ones I could name though are Ham and Ex, making their final appearance. Good for them. Kitty decides they will make camp in this area that has tall shady trees, comfortable rocks, and essential for life water. Everything you need when taking over somebody else’s home.

This calls for a hootenanny! Let the music and dancing commence! Proto-Petunia dances with the last of Goopy’s lineage. They don’t really care for one another, but they are the closest match for the dog and pig dancers from Mickey’s party. Strangely enough, no Mickey clones show up. You’re telling me those guys have dignity? While the adults have their fun, Ham and Ex tell Beans that they will be off playing “Indians” in the woods. People die on these kind of trails all the time, so Beans just reminds them to be wary of the real deal.

Almost immediately, the two think they spot the feathered headdress of what could be a chief. Wild turkey surprise! They change games and start playing ‘Cry Indians’. That’s a serious threat, and the rest of the train gets their firearms ready to defend. Beans takes a shot and the bird loses his biggest fan. What a disgrace to natural art. The pups laugh themselves silly and don’t think to do so where Beans won’t see. I mean, for all he knows, you could have made a genuine mistake. But not now. Dummies.

He warns that a real “Indian” could very well remove your head. Remembering Ex exists, he tells him he too, could also fall victim. (And if you need help remembering “X” exists, follow this link.) This threat doesn’t bother the kids too much, and they start doing “Indian” impressions next. Once again, panic ensues. The adults waste more bullets, and the brats decide this time to hide, so Beans can’t fail to scare them again. Since he can’t find them, he might as well go back to chopping color-changing wood.

Aw, shucks! Looks like the real deal has shown up. The two are able to get him stuck in a log, and beat him a bit, but their cries for aid aren’t taken seriously anymore. I’m all for children learning, so I don’t feel too bad. There are reinforcements around. Some are human, some are canine, and some are frightening combinations thereof. But the chief almost looks like a dhole, so he might legit be Indian. It feels weird not feeling weird to call him that.

Porky is the first to spot the natives. Poor guy is so scared that even his normal speech pattern is a luxury. He finally shouts things out when an arrow gets him in the rear. Even if this land is rightfully theirs, they have a problem with me now. Whoever shot him, come forward! I promise your death will be swift. Excruciatingly painful, yes, but its the best deal you’re going to get. The pioneers fight back.

Ham and Ex are able to still do some good smacking, (that’s a humorous scream their pursuer has,) but he gets a hold of them anyway. The duo’s screams are heard by Beans who I guess was actually too cowardly to fight and was hiding in the woods. Or nature called. They’d be equally funny. He redeems himself by throwing a bear trap like a hammer and pinching the threat’s cheeks.

Not aware that Beans saved their hides, the twins watch the native flee. With their backs turned, Beans seizes the opportunity to give them a taste of their own medicine. You like that guys? Karma’s your mom!

Favorite Part: One settler is getting chased by a native, and saves some time by handing over his wig. Another joke from Disney, but made funnier here by the native happily cheering.

Personal Rating: 3. I do think Mickey’s was better. Mostly because the natives are all rat/wolves or something. Makes them less offensive today.

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Yankee Doodle Bugs

“You’d better hop along, Cassidy.”

There’s no use changing the history books for little ole him.

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animatin by Art Davis, Manuel Perez, and Virgil Ross; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on August 28, 1954.

As animated series like “School House Rock”, “The Magic School Bus”, and “Animaland” can attest, learning doesn’t have to suck. Therefore, I for one propose that Bugs teach us about American History. Because the country’s birthiversary is this upcoming week, and if you don’t know anything about who/what you’re celebrating, then brother, you’re hardly celebrating at all.

It starts when his nephew, Clyde is struggling to learn about the past. (I’ve discussed Clyde before, but this is his final theatrical appearance.) Wouldn’t be that much of a big deal, if it weren’t for the fact that he’s going to have a test on the subject later today. (That and his books blend into the carpet.) Bugs offers to help. (Clyde: “Do you *half a second pause* know about American history, Uncle Bugs?”) Turns out history is loaded with rabbits. They’ve been involved with Columbus, Napoleon, Nazi Germany, The 1943 Oscars, and the invention of gunpowder. You can quote me on this because I’m a valuable resource.

Bugs starts when the Dutch bought New York for a song. And I mean that in the punniest fashion. The Native Chief got a really good deal. Then pretty much nothing happened for over a hundred years until Benjamin Franklin *clears throat* “discovered” electricity. It was all thanks to the rabbit who held his kite just as lightning struck it. Ben took the credit, because taking the credit is mankind’s greatest invention.

Then a war was set to happen because The King put tacks on the tea. (Punniest. Way.) This could not be stood for, so an army was drafted. The backgrounds have a U.P.A. minimalistic design that goes all the way when we get to George Washington. They’re so minimal, that they cease to exist! Don’t walk into the void, George! It’s probably dangerous! I don’t see any food, for one thing. Wait. He’s fine. It’ll be a bit of a struggle to leave his candy shop, but his wife will just have to handle it herself until he wins independence.

If this is going to be its own country, it’s going to need a flag. A woman named Betsy Ross was assigned the task of sewing it up. She’s got six red stripes that represents all the blood that will be spillt, five white ones that represent the skin tone of the generals, and a blue section that is supposed to be the ocean, which the country will be surrounded by, some day. A rabbit gave her the idea for a finishing touch after he stepped on a rake and saw ten stars. Never having learned to count, she added thirteen.

It was a bitter fight. Cold winters made ice cream men enemies of the sate. What have we become? War truly changes a man. Eventually though, the enemy fleet was bottled up. (Pun. Knee. Est.) Once Washington crossed the Delaware River, victory was won. Simple as that. And that was pretty much everything that happened between then and 1954. This is a very boring country. The next thing worth noting would be Disneyland opening the following year.

Perfect timing! The school bell is chiming and Clyde’s got a test to ace. Bugs is such a good uncle. A guncle, if you will. When school lets out, Clyde comes back angrily glaring. It’s quite funny. Bugs can’t figure out why he’d be scowling like this, so Clyde spells it out for him: D-U-N-C-E C-A-P. I’m sorry kid, but penmanship counts.

Favorite Part: The king is really getting his jollies when he puts tacks on the tea. It’s good to see leaders put the riot in dictator.

Personal Rating: 2. I did say punniest, rather than funniest. I just don’t feel like the jokes were powerful enough. They could have gone farther, but then I guess it would have ended with Clyde getting sent to Special Ed. (Because that’s how they’d handle it at the time, thank you.)

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Bedevilled Rabbit

“Where in Tasmania’s Tasmania?”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by George Grandpre, Ted Bonnicksen, and Keith Darling; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on April 13, 1957.

Hey, when was the last time I discussed one of Taz’s shorts? Year one? I guess I can tell you my dark secret: I think “Tales of Earthsea” is a great film. Wait, I meant the other one: out of the Tunes’ main cast, Taz is my least favorite. That dosen’t mean I hate him because I don’t! If you can spare me a paragraph or two, I’ll explain my feelings on the guy. Like I should’ve done in year one.

First, the good. And it outweighs the bad. I love his design. Asking people who’ve never heard of Sarcophilus harrisii to just draw what comes to mind when they hear ‘Tasmanian Devil’ is brilliant, if zoologically inaccurate. And he helps introduce people to a lesser-known species. (Pretty sure I knew of him before the real deal.) And his means of locomotion. Becoming a dust devil is one of the most originally unique things I’ve ever heard of. You don’t get imagination like that every day! And marsupials definitely do this!

I couldn’t think of a third example.

The bad? Let’s be real, he kind of is a flat character. His one note is being a wild animal, and he does it great! And his voice. Maybe I can blame my autism, but I’m not a big fan of his shrieking snarls and raspberries. But I can appreciate how much funnier it makes it when he says something coherent. For me, Taz works best in small doses. He’s like mustard. Makes the whole dish better, but I can’t stomach a pudding-cup full. Let’s finally get started.

A crate of carrots are being air-dropped to Tasmania. It’s a pretty moronic way to send mail, but I’ve heard the wildlife is very dangerous, and I don’t think the insurance can cover any more casualties. Bugs made the mistake of sleeping in the patch these carrots were harvested from, and wakes to a whole new locale. But it has eerily similar stampedes to ones he saw in… where did the previous short take place?

He’s able to get a crocodile to stop and tell him what all the fear is about. Even though the reptile folds himself into a traveling case, he still dispenses a pamphlet that will answer all. (B. the B., I don’t think your disguise will help. “Animal-in-origin” means it still has some of the original flavor.) The informational booklet gets right to the point and warns tourists of the Tasmanian Devil. Ferocious, dangerous, and continuously hungry; not to mention it eats just about the entirety of the animal kingdom. Bugs isn’t entirely convinced such a beast even exists.

Well, speak of that devil! He’s gotten taller than I last saw him! He’s recycled animationing his way over right now. (It’s fun to peruse Taz’s diet list. It suggests that he’s the reason we don’t see any unicorns, and has done what Wile E. will never do.) The pamphlet was saving it for last, but yes, rabbits are also a meal of choice. Ever the cool one, Bugs claims to be a monkey as that wasn’t one of the animals listed. (But probably only because there aren’t monkeys in Tasmania.)

Taz still gives chase, tearing every tree in the forest down a peg and a half. When Bugs thinks he’s rid of him, Taz grabs him by the ears. He’s not as dumb as you might think, as he questions why a monkey would have a rabbit’s tail. Fade-in on a trussed Bugs with an apple in his mouth. Classic presentation is always trendy! Since he’s not going anywhere, Taz takes some time to work on his salad side-dish. Sure, it’s leaning too heavily on toppings to be healthy, but the squirrels, raccoons, turtles, fish, and mice are the best parts! (Did Bugs have to watch them die?)

Bugs points out an important fact: salad doesn’t pair well with rabbit. Its best friend is a Wild Turkey Surprise. A dish he’d be happy to prepare if he was able to use his limbs. Taz is sold, and I can’t blame him. That sounds awesome! Shame that in this health-conscious world, Bugs decides to make it with artificial poultry: T.N.T. At least Taz still liked it. A little gas never hurt anyone. But he’s still mad. Still hungry? Has he realized Bugs pulled a fast one? Bugs needs a reason to duck into the nearby Trader Mac’s? All three it is!

Grabbing a box of lipstick, a broom, a dress and a bear trap, Bugs sets to making a disguise. Love the shopkeep’s expression. I choose to believe animals can’t talk in this picture, and he just saw a rabbit rob him. (Grab me one of those shrunken heads while you’re there, huh Bugs?) And that disguise? Probably his hottest one ever. And that’s coming from someone who isn’t even attracted to Tasmanian she-devils. Good thing that’s another species not on the approved foods list. Taz likes. Taz l-i-i-i-i-kes!

That jagged metal kiss only turns him on fiercer. But wait, if his first cartoon is to be believed then isn’t he…? Yep. Still married. The Mrs. is none too pleased to find him cheating on her. (His name is Claude?) That rotten pamphlet! It can’t even correctly state what the scariest animal is! Same as everywhere else, it’s a woman scorned.

Favorite Part: In traditional cartoon fashion, Taz makes a wide variety of sounds when he sees an attractive body. The tiny “rowr” is the best part!

Personal Rating: 3.

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Crow’s Feat

“You mad, Jose?”

Isn’t he too young to go kaboom?

Directed by Friz Freleng; Co-Director: Hawley Pratt; Story by John Dunn; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy, Virgil Ross, Bob Matz, Lee Halpern, and Art Leonardi; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on April 21, 1962.

It’s the return of Jose and Manuel I promised! But remember: I didn’t promise anything spectacular.

The two really are on route to Guadalajara this time, but flights are rough as they dare to fly at the same altitudes as airplanes. Or the planes are flying dangerously close to the ground. Bottom line: someone is flying at the wrong height, and it’s not me. It may be lazy, but I don’t fault them for hitching aboard the tequila flight, adopting their favorite lounge positions, and letting technology take them where they want to go. They may not sound or act like it, but they’ve got a bit of the crow’s natural intelligence.

They hop off early upon seeing what lays below them: corn! The San Franciscrow treat! Upon reaching the golden fields, they turn tail feather and run from their natural rival: a scarecrow. As is typical of those guys, he doesn’t give chase. Jose declares HE must fear THEM. Just to be safe, though, he tells Manuel to taunt it. Seeing them on screen together reveals that it’s a puny scarecrow. Or maybe their just crows of unusual size? Bottom line: someone is at the wrong scale, and it’s not me.

It is a familiar looking scarecrow, too. Jose recognizes him as that guy in the moving pictures who hunts Bugs Conejo. If you don’t fear what you don’t like, kill it. Manuel is very adapt at using sticks. For fun, Jose puts on the s-crow’s hat and pretends be that guy in the moving pictures. Since he doesn’t have as iconic a catchphrase as Bugs, he spouts some “What’s up, docs?”. If it looks like a hunter, Manuel will stick it to him. Oddly, they both know what scarecrows are, so why were they shocked one wasn’t chasing them? Have they been to Oz? Or did they also catch this at the drive-in:

Hey look! It really IS that guy from the moving pictures! Ironically, making his last appearance in them. The fact is lost on Jose who thinks the scarecrow just came back for a rematch. And what do you mean “You’re” gonna knock his stuffing out again? What have I told you about taking credit for Manuel’s accomplishments? He gets shot, and decides Manuel deserves the same treatment. He baits his buddy into getting closer by saying the scarecrow is disrespecting him. Since that guy is about to retire, he gets to be the clear-cut victor this week.

Disguises fail, and that guy is smart enough to make the two think he’s left the premises, so he can booby trap the stalks. The whole time, they still think he’s a scarecrow. If only he’d prove he’s not by talking. Jose ultimately decides to they should just resume their trip, as there are stupid scarecrows in Guadalajara. Is that just where we put all the stupids in the world? Then why are we allowing so many to run around free? Ethics, schmethics. It’s for everybodies own good. (And I could still blog there.)

They decide to make use of aeronautics again. Manuel says the thing they’re on now is a commercial plane. Any reason why you’d be asking Manuel to explain things, Jose? I thought you had the brains. They eagerly await takeoff, unaware that they’re sitting on a rocket ship. (Ah! Jose! Your eye is in your beak!) The film ends just as the countdown does, so we don’t get to see them die. It’s the only explanation for why they never got a third cartoon.

Favorite Part: Manuel calling Bugs his friend. It’s as cute as when a child says they’re friends with Elmo. Or when a 30-year old blogger claims the same with Porky. (Oh lord, am I really that age? I never intended to be.)

Personal Rating: 2

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The Lyin’ Mouse

“I’m the rip-snorton’est, Edward Ever (sic) Horton’est, Charles Laughton’est, and you ain’t heard nort’in’nest lion in the whole world!”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng. Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Ken Harris; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on October 16, 1937.

It’s a first for this series! A “Melody” without a musical connection! Maybe it should stay this way…

There’s a mouse caught in a mousetrap. Thanks to maybe Bernice Hansen, I can never tell ’tis a buck or a doe. Fate’s been decent to me lately, I’ll let him/her/it decide. They’ve decided female. Since our mouse can’t free herself, she has to shout for aid. Unfortunately, that just attracts attention, and a hungry cat arrives on the scene. Good thing he always keeps sandwich fixin’s in the nearest crate. As is well known, when someone’s about to die, it’s customary to make them a sandwich.

Since they’re just the framing device for the short’s meat, I’ll not bother with names. But I will give kudos to the cat for not removing the mouse from the mousetrap, lest she has a chance to escape. She tries to change his mind on dinner by agreeing to do him a good turn in return for not killing her. And I guess freeing her is part of the bargain. The cat isn’t convinced that she could ever be of use to him, as he’s never heard the famous fable that concerned a mouse getting spared by a lion, and managing to save its life in return.

The mouse tells the tale. There was a lion that was a real bass, as most lions are. He lived in an area that nature couldn’t decide if it should be savanna or forest. He just called it a jungle for simplicity’s sake. His reputation was fierce enough to frighten off all the other animals who lived in this wacky biome. Including a bird that somebody finally realized didn’t belong on their farm. I’m just going to ignore it hiding its head underground via distraction. Look at that flamingo. Judging by his pallor, he’s not getting enough shrimp. If only he knew if he belonged here or not.

The local mouse in these parts gets… I guess I need to determine its identity too. This one will be male. So, HE gets his kicks by blowing a horn that sounds just like a lion. The animals flee again, but this time, the mammals decide to run further towards what could be their doom. Is it that hard to survive in this scientifically inaccurate locale? Be glad it’s not a taiga/coral reef. The lion isn’t amused by the mouse’s mockery, but his attention is almost instantly caught by a delicious aroma in the air.

There’s a roast chicken just being wasted behind him. He tells the mouse to vamoose, as he’s not worth the effort. The mouse promises to help him someday. The lion goes to grab the roast bird. It’s sitting in the middle of a bear trap, so he’s immune. But the man who set the tap, Frank Cluck, put in a fail safe in case he found something other than bears in Africa: a mousetrap that bursts through the bird and pinches the lion’s nose. But he’s also immune from that killing him. Frank Cluck needs a new tactic.

The next trap is a lamb tied to a tree. The lion needs a name so I can stop calling him ‘the lion’ again. For fun, let’s also name the mouse he met. For a switch-up, the Mouse can be named Leo. Logically, the lion is now Scorpius. (Not that Musculus doesn’t have a nice ring to it.) He can tell this is another trap, and turns to leave, but the lamb is quite the salesman. Even though his signs are misleading; he is NOT mutton yet. Whatever, Scorpius is eventually convinced and grabs him.

Instant boxing glove to the face! Now dazed, Scorpius is at the mercy of Frank who hogties him. He takes his prize to the circus. Such a shame that Leo couldn’t hold up his end of the bargain. Scorpius, once a king over all he saw, has been reduced to mere entertainment for the masses. It’s really quite sad. Scorpius, though as awesome as the featured quote says, isn’t too tough to cry. And guess what? Leo is right outside his cage! I guess he witnessed everything after all! He gnaws a hole out for the big cat, and they flee into the night.

The original mouse ends her story here, before she has to relate the part where the two are hunted by the entire country, and ultimately shot before getting back home. Good thing things have worked in her favor, as this cat is also moved to tears. He releases her, and the title comes true if her “sucker!” is any indication. Good thing the cat can reuse the bread.

Favorite Part: The fact that the mouse laughs as she is mustard-ed for the sandwich. It’s darkly funny, and adorably messed up.

Personal Rating: 3

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Mother was a Rooster

“Being a mother is an awful headache.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Dave Detiege; Animation by George Grandpre, Keith Darling, Ted Bonnicksen, and Warren Batchelder; Layouts and Backgrounds by Robert Gribbroek; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn.  A Merrie Melody released on October 20, 1962.

According to Barnyard Dawg, things have gotten too quiet as of late. Well maybe this will teach you not to remain absent from the previous five Foghorn pictures. One of you has to be the spark, and one the gunpowder. Team effort, guys. His plan to rile things up requires a trip to the local ostrich farm. “Cawstone’s: whether you need meat, eggs or plumes, we hope you’ll always think of us first, in-between, and last.” He steals an egg and returns home to put his plan into action.

It’s simple, but aren’t all the best pranks? He’s going to place it near Foghorn. Hilarious! (Hilarious?) When he wakes, Foghorn is over the moon to find he’s a parent. B.D. is confused. And so am I. What did you want him to do? Scream? Ask if anyone has lost a baby? Try to eat it? You’re slipping pal. Maybe you should retire. He changes tactics once Foggy goes about warming it up; he’s gonna help hatch it. Woah! Hey! Put the mallet down! Is infanticide really worth having the last laugh? You should retire now!

Okay, he hits Foghorn. And this makes the egg hatch? Eh, who cares. Isn’t that chick adorable? Way cuter than last time. Foghorn agrees that his son is beautiful, and goes to show him off to all his friends. That means Mr. Dawg. (Foggy isn’t the easiest guy to get along with.) Barnyard is blunt and tells little Austin, (my name for him) to his face, that he is the ugliest chicken he ever saw. Good thing he’s not really a chicken, but still, a-hole. And Austin hides his head underground. No, he’s NOT scared; scared ostriches run. He’s ashamed.

Foghorn is rightfully pissed at this, telling the poor child that the jerk dog didn’t mean that. The jerk dog agrees: he meant that the kid’s been beaten by the ugly stick. Please shut your mouth! Yes, their are ugly people in the world, I myself am one, but you wait until their at least a teenager to tell them that! That way, puberty can either metamorphose them into splendor, or give them the opportunity to accept that part of themselves. And even then, you have to already be the bosomest of buddies. Do it this young, and the kid’ll be ruined for life.

Foghorn decides the dawg will pay, and I’m in total support. He places an anvil up a tree, with a bone dangling from it. Soon as it’s pulled, WHAMMO! But Austin gets there first. Maybe he’s hungry, (Foghorn never feeds him) maybe he’s trying to get in his tormentor’s good graces. Foggy runs over to let the mutt have his femur, and is klonked for his troubles. Just forget him and play a game. Football is popular this time of year. Play that.

Foghorn throws it, but it’s attached to a string. … Why is it attached to a string? It just makes Austin get reeled back in to your palm. Hasn’t he been abused enough? I really don’t follow that one. Foggy goes out for a pass, and Austin punts great and Foghorn gets sent sliding into a fence, his arm poking out through a hole in the bottom. This gives B.D. a chance to stick it full of dynamite, and Foghorn doesn’t realize he caught it until that happens. Standing up, he realizes its time for baseball practice, and tosses the ball back over. How do you like them karma apples?

Austin finally seems to be happy and enjoying life as kids should get to before the real world ruins living for them. But it just takes one more cruel word to get him hiding his head again. I think I need to prove a point about baby birds again:

Ost-rich in cuteness!

And what do your babies look like at that age, mr hound?

Moot point

Aw, crumbs! Still heckin’ precious. But maybe there’s a soulless monster out there who would disagree?

Well, Foghorn is the parent here, so he’s going to have to deal with this. One on one boxing sounds fair. But Barnyard isn’t, getting in as many early shots as he can. Since they’re playing by his rules, which are no rules, there will be no rules. Foggy jumps hard, and the loose plank flings B.D. into the water tower above. When he falls back down, physics flings Foggy back up. After some back and forth, the whole thing collapses on them. After the dust clears, both have their heads stuck in the ground. Austin speaks his first words, and they’re concerns about the fact everybody left him and he is now alone.

NO, he DOESN’T think hiding your head makes you invisible, he just hasn’t got object permanence yet. Or they died in that crash.

Favorite Part: The fact that Austin has such a powerful kick. Ostriches really do have those. Just wait until he grows up, Dawg. He’ll kick your skin off.

Personal Rating: 2. I’m sorry, but Barnyard was too d@mn mean in this one. Insulting an innocent babe just because he’s bitter about his prank failing to live up to expectations? You know he’s not a chicken anyway! Call him ugly to Foghorn’s face if you must, but leave him out of this. If Austin wasn’t so cute, and Dawg got off scot-free in the end, I’d be giving it a 1.

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Naughty Neighbors

“They’re a feudi-f-feu-f-feu- a fightin’ again!”

At least there’s no nephew involved this time.

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by I. Ellis; Story by Warren Foster; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on October 7, 1939.

Here goes post 777. Did I hit the jackpot? Let’s see… Porky, Clampett, Ear-worm… Looks like I’m french kissing like a bandit. And I’d have been past that number if I hadn’t had four posts mysteriously disappear. Why, yes I am still upset about that.

Humans are naturally high-strung, easy to offend creatures. If you want to see any who are the complete antithesis of the way they’re naturally supposed to be, you should visit “Kaintucky.” Why are the humans so peaceful there? Because they don’t exist there! Zing! But it still feels like home, since the two tribes that live there, the Martins and McCoys, spend their days endlessly punching, smashing, shooting, and probably killing one another. A guy could really get to like it here.

But what if, for the sake of argument, the heads of both sides actually fell in love? Could they ever hope to be, or would they be like the most famous couple whose love ended in tragedy: Sokka and Yue. (Spoilers if you’ve never been smart enough to watch a good contender for best TV series that’ll ever be created.) Well, the unfortunate COULD happen, but that’s only because of bad blood. What if there was a peace treaty? So it was decided. Petunia Pig Martin (sadly making her last theatrical appearance for the next 85 years) and Porky Pig McCoy officially call truce. (Petunia? Why do you allow that pig on your property to be nude? What’s her story?)

Now that things are sunshine and grayscale rainbows, the two can finally be wed. Or at least be sweethearts. Friends? Well, they can greet each other cordially. That’s still better than I’ve ever done with a girl. Other locals include Snuffy the chicken and (who I’m calling) Smith the duck, who just can’t believe things have managed to get so pleasant. In fact, they don’t think it’ll last. They’re clearly ready to scratch their trigger finger, but Porky reminds them that that isn’t how things are going to be anymore. (Although he gets the twos’ last names mixed up.)

Now then you two lovebirds, would you like to take a walk? The music’s suggesting it. They do and it’s one of the sweetest, cutest, most charming things I’ve ever seen. They seem genuinely happy together as they hold hands, dance, and sing their way around the countryside. It just goes to show if there’s someone for Porky, that doesn’t mean there’s someone for you. Get over yourself. But look at the rest of the folks. They’re trying their hardest to get along, but not really, as they were clearly meant to be enemies. The playful punches evolve into blunt instrument clubbings, then more shootouts. Just like the good old days.

Not quite Daffy lets the world know that things are back on! Better get more troops! Gives a great excuse to reuse the infant-try joke Clampett’s unit adores so much. If someone doesn’t interfere, things’ll end up like they did in “Make Mine Music”. And even people who know of that film don’t remember that! (It’s really good. Trust me. #RespectWillytheWhale.) Porky hoped he never had to use his secret weapon, but there appears to be no other alternative. He calls it a ‘Feud Pacifier’ which is the P.C. name for a frickin’ grenade. Extreme, but effective. That’s how we Americans do it!

Aw, quit your whining. He’s not killing anything except the peoples’ senses of self. After the explosion, everybody now plays friendly games, shares books, and dances around the maypole. If people won’t conform to your ways, make ’em. It’s the only way to have lasting friendships.

Favorite Part: Porky and Petunia’s duet. They really make a lovely couple, and I’m sad its taken her so long to get utilized again outside of comic books. Hopefully our next movie has at least given her more of a personality than “Porky’s Girlfriend.” (Not that I have a problem with that.)

Personal Rating: Depends on if you’re one of the sad types who are allergic to cute. You get a 2, and those of us who are secure about ourselves will be content with a 3.

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Gone Batty

“I don’t like you.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Sid Marcus, Ben Washam; Animation by Charles McKimson, Herman Cohen, Rod Scribner, and Phil DeLara; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on September 4, 1954.

Game day! Championship at that! Our home team is the Greenville Goons and their opponents, the Sweetwater Shnooks. (Sic.) The Goons are your typical Gashouse Gorillas style team. Big and oafish, permanent stubble, and smelling like trouble. The Shnooks (Sic.) take after the Tea Totallers in that they look like they’ll be eaten alive, chewed as cud, eaten again, and spat out like tobacco. But as the game gets going, we can see where the teams differ. The Shnooks (Sic.) can actually play. Sure, they’re a bit on the thin side and seem to dress like they think it’s still an age where they could play the mighty Casey, but they are capable!

The Goons also differ from their predecessors: They rely more on cheating. I had no doubt the gorillas weren’t good, albeit dirty, players, but I suppose since they were playing weaklings they just didn’t feel the need to break out the tricks until a silly rabbit entered the game. The Goons will run out of the stadium to catch home-runs, and aren’t afraid to use the bats on more than balls. The Shnooks (Sic.) could use a lucky rabbit to get the upper hand, seeing as its the final inning and they’re still yet to score any runs. This calls for a desperate measure.

They have a mascot, and due to their players getting knocked out, they’re going to use him. When I asked for a hint as to what thing it might be, they told me to think hyraxes and dugongs. No. It… it couldn’t be! But it is! My beloved baby! The bouncing, beautiful, bat boy himself, Bobo! Still as cute as I remember him! And finally gotten over his log carrying stigma. The Goons protest, but “There’s nothing in the rule book that says an elephant cannot pitch!” He looks a little nervous to actually be playing, but he gets the hang of things soon. Or should I say he gets the point? When a Shnook (Sic.) gives him a good poke, he can throw the ball far faster than human reflexes can hope to hit. And Bugs was also kind enough to teach him that slow ball trick. Still works.

But striking opponents out won’t get you any points. The real way to win at this game is to do the batting yourself. (Color changing bat.) Still a little unsure of himself, but he shouldn’t be. He’s packing more than wimpy horsepower! The balls he hits get enough kinetic energy to go through Goons hands. And as an elephant, he’s naturally smart. When he sees a ball is being loaded full of teeny T.N.T., he allows to catcher to live up to his profession. It’s time to bring out the big gun. A bazooka designed to fire more baseballs than the average player pitches in a standard baseball career. Do elephants have great reflexes?

Well this one does! He hits every ball right back, whence it came. No wonder the Goons resorted to cheating the whole game. They can’t catch a single ball out of the hundreds in the atmosphere? Actually, they can, but that single has enough force to force him underground. Reusing the “I got it gag” from “Baseball Bugs” but hardly near as funny. It all comes down to the final pitch. Thanks to that bazooka, the Shnooks (Sic.) are tied for first place. One more home run will net them the game! So how will the Goons try to prevent this?

Not as imaginatively as their bazooka. They resort to just tying Bobo to a stake. But simplicity often nets the best results and poor Bobo is stuck at home. If he loses, I’ll die! After the rest of my life occurs, of course. The Goons will die first. Time for another one of the incredible talents elephants naturally possess. Their trunks are quite stretchy, and creative liberties may have been taken, but I don’t care. Bobo’s trunk clears the bases, and since it’s a part of him, it counts! Shnooks (Sic.) win! Knew my precious Bobo was the best player that will ever exist, shut the game down now. Unfortunately, they couldn’t resist ending on the joke we all saw coming: he works for peanuts. Bleh. I hate peanuts.

Favorite Part: One of the Goons’ pitchers. Look at the literal arm cannon on Rodney Aran there! Reminds me of what you once saw in Fleischer cartoons and now see in “Cuphead”.

Personal: It can’t help but reuse gags from its superior predecessor, but there’s enough new here for it to stand on its own. And it has a cuter character! (Yeah, I said it!) 3 all around! What do you mean this was Bobo’s last appearance? Is he that similar to Dumbo? Disney’s lawyers are destroying any joy I had left in my sad, pathetic existence.