Odor-able Kitty

“Come to my arms little pigeon. Do not be afraid of the love.”

Directed by Chuck Jones

A cat is staring longingly into a butcher shop. He is kicked away. A woman then hits him with her broom. (What was that for? I mean, yeah, I’d do the same thing to a cat.) He is also mauled by a bulldog. He sadly wishes he were a skunk. Nothing bothers those guys. So why not? Not only does he paint himself like one, but he is actually smart enough to rub Limburger, onions and garlic on himself. He goes around scaring his enemies and eating meat to his heart’s content.

Just when things are perfect and “syrene”, a real skunk appears. It’s Pepe’s first role! (His name is based on Pepe le Moko, a character played by Charles Boyer. His voice was what Mel used to base Pepe’s voice on.) He confuses the male cat for a female skunk and the chase begins. Formulaic? Yes. Boring? You insult me! The cat hides in a tree and is instantly found so he runs into town. Taking a stuffed skunk with him. (Okay, I’m pretty sure that people who wear furs, do not keep the whole body. I HOPE they don’t do that.) He hides on a silo and when Pepe comes, the cat (who I’m deciding to name Theodore) says that he will jump if Pepe comes closer. (I guess Theodore’s voice is feminine.)

He throws the decoy and tries to sneak away. Pepe only pretends to mourn and Theodore leaps into a dog’s arms in fright. He then leaps into Pepe’s arms. He hops back to the dog and the dog hops into Pepe’s arms before fainting. Pepe continues on his way and meets Bugs Bunny! Or rather Theodore in a disguise. (Pepe’s sharp.) Theodore runs and Pepe follows with his famous hops. Theodore is tired and passes out quickly. Pepe grabs his prize when he is tapped on his shoulder. It’s his REAL wife. Pepe is really Henry, (not the bear or hawk) and gets pounded by a rolling pin. Theodore sneaks away and washes away his disguise. He happily goes back to is old life of being abused.

Personal Rating: 3

An Itch in Time

♪”Oh there’s food around the corner, food around the corner, food around the corner for me, (hallelujah brother.) food arund the corner, food around the corner, food around the corner for meee!”♪

Directed by Bob Clampett

Sorry for lack of update last week. (To the two people who visit this place, I was just on a family trip.)

Been awhile since we had a good old screwy Clampett short, eh? In Elmer’s home, Fudd is happily reading Looney Tunes comics. His dog (Willoughby) at his feet. (Or at least a very similar looking dog) Also in this house is a flea. (which some signs point out for us) His name is A. Flea. (A for amusing?) He’s excited because he’s found himself a feast of the grandest proportions: Dog Butt. He hurries over, makes sure the dog is asleep and goes to work. (Singing a song, that I DARE you to get out of your head.)

He gets some salt, ketchup, mustard and bread and puts it around some dog dermis. A bite causes the dog to yelp in pain and try to get the flea, but he only ends up biting himself. Elmer pours flea powder on him, (which A. treats as snow) and warns him that if he scratches once more, its a bath! The dog swears to not scratch. Which is near impossible with A. mining his meat. Elmer is keeping a close eye on him, and Willoughby turns different colors trying to stay strong. He kicks the cat (which A. didn’t want for some reason) who scratches for him. A glare from Elmer makes them both shrink into little masses.

A. sets off some explosives and the dog can’t take it anymore and he scoots around on the floor. (“Hey, I better cut this out. I may get to like it.”) Elmer comes to make good word of his promise, but A. moves onto him. (For the record: fleas rarely bite people, and I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t if there were two pets in the house.) Willoughby gleefully takes his master to the tub, and slips on a bar of soap landing them both in the water. A. puts them on a “blue plate special” and carries them off. (To eat I presume. If the cat wasn’t still there, I’d complain that parasites don’t try to kill their hosts as it destroys their home as well) Having seen all this, the Cat shoots himself.

This scene is of course censored today, because some people thought it’d be a bright idea to kill themselves. As such, everyone is too afraid to laugh at this. If you play it for laughs, (like here) it is FUNNY. I only care so much, because lets say you watch stuff like this all the time and make a suicide joke. Not aware that people’s sensibilities have changed, and now it makes you look like the evil one. Rant over.

Personal Rating: 4

Rabbit Punch

“Hey, ya big palooka! Why don’tcha pick on somebody your own size?”

Directed by Charles M. Jones

Unlike “Bunny Hugged” which was about wrestling, this earlier short was about boxing. It’s the first appearance of the Crusher. (Although here he’s called “Battling Mcgook”) He is pounding his opponent with no effort whatsoever. However, watching from the edge of the stadium, (which was built outdoors, is that smart?) is Bugs, who objects to the cheers and demands “Mcgook” pick another fight.

The man chooses Bugs, and throws him into the ring. They both show off their muscles. Mcgook is so strong he has muscles on his muscles. Bugs has two tiny bumps for biceps. (For the record though, that’s way better than mine.) The champ punches Bugs around until Bugs gets one in by “fainting” his opponent. Next, the champ builds a brick wall around his fist and really knocks him one. Bugs grabs the microphone from the announcer and begins narrating his own idea of how the fight is going. Mcgook follows his lines exactly.

Later, they decide to wrestle (I guess) as they throw off their gloves. (Bugs was hiding horseshoes. Clever b*stard.) The champ… screw it, I’m calling him Crusher, easily puts him in a leghold. Bugs breaks a board and Crusher thinks he broke his leg. Bugs disguises himself as a doctor and wraps him up tight in bandages. During round 31, crusher pours grease in Bug’s resin. Bugs uses this to his advantage and skate/boxes. During round 48 Bugs gives Crusher some exploding popcorn. During round 73, he has Crusher hold a slingshot and fires something at his face. During round 98, (how long do these usually last?) Crusher and Bugs both launch themselves towards each other, in a cannon and bow respectively.

Finally, during round 110 Crusher has Bugs tied to railroad tracks and prepares to run a train over him. (He should wear that conductor outfit more.) Bugs seems to have run out of tricks as the train gets closer and closer and all he can do is sweat. Then the film breaks. Bugs comes out to apologize and (while holding scissors) mention that the film didn’t EXACTLY break.

Personal Rating: 3

The Windblown Hare

“Ah! There’s the straw house. Just like the book says.”

Directed by Robert Mckimson

Another year and that means another update. From now on, I list the directors.

The three little pigs are reading their story and find out their dwellings are doomed. They decide to sell the flimsy homes and all live in the brick house. Bugs comes by and decides to buy the hay home. (Despite the fact, he thinks $10.00 is a ripoff.) The wolf comes by, also following the book. He blows the house down much to Bug’s annoyance. Learning his lesson, he decides to buy a sturdier home. Like one of wood. The pigs laugh that he fell for it again, and leave together. (Also Red and Yellow switched shirts for whatever reason.)

When the wolf blows this new house down , Bugs decides it’s payback time. He dons a red riding hood, and tells the wolf to read that story. He does and realizes he’s late, runs to Grandma’s house and kicks her out. (Being too busy to eat her. Which she expects.) Bugs comes in and mentions how “her” certain features are bigger than normal. Adds proof by abusing the lupine. The wolf realizes he’s not Red (The girl, not the pig from earlier.) and Bugs refuses to give him the present he brought. Wolfie begs, and Bugs shoves the cake in his face.

A brief chase (including the gag where two people on stairs continuously switch the lights on and off) and the wolf is beaten. Bugs finds out he was trying to bother the pigs and decides it’s “Payback time part 2: The revenge of the Rabbit.” The wolf says he can’t blow down bricks, but Bugs makes him try. The pigs laugh as they know its fruitless. The wolf tries and succeeds, to his and the pigs amazement. Correction: Bugs helped. With dynamite.

Personal Rating: 3

An egg Scramble

“Th-Th-There’s nothing embarrassing about a hen laying an egg!”

This short takes place on the same farm Porky had in “Swooner Crooner.” He goes to his hens to gather eggs. (He abandoned the conveyor belts for more natural means) One hen named Prissy, (making her debut here) doesn’t lay eggs out of embarrassment. (If people laid eggs, would that be considered private? And what’s wrong with me asking that?) Porky tells her that it’s an egg, or her head. The other hens laugh as they believe she is too old to accomplish such a feat. This makes Prissy determined and she gets to work.

The others decide to play a trick and put one of their eggs in her nest. Prissy falls for it and happily hands out cigars and shows Porky the fruits of her labor. When Porky asks for the egg, she refuses. Porky takes it anyway and give it to a truck bound for the grocery store. Prissy follows. In the store, she is thrown out for throwing the eggs out of the… bins? That’s not American.  Refrigeration was around!

Anyways, Prissy does find it in the home of a relatively hot blonde. Despite clearly seeing the name on the egg, she attempts to boil it. Prissy keeps turning the stove off until the woman catches her, forcing the hen to flee. Meanwhile, Porky goes to the police to see if they can help find his bird. They’re too busy for that though. They are extremely close to catching this short’s criminal, Pretty Boy Bagel. Prissy find herself in his hideout and alerts him to the cops. He hurls bricks at them. (Prissy believes he’s defending her.)

The cops finally get both of them out with a tear gas bomb. Porky has Prissy back and at home, threatens her for the egg once more. Prissy refuses until the other hens reveal that she never laid the egg. Depressed, Prissy drops the egg and turns around just in time to miss it hatch. Into a mini-her. Awwwwww

Personal Rating: 3

Pigs in a Polka

“I’m the smart little pig. I build my house of bricks.”

How about another “Fantasia” parody? (Can’t ever have too many!) Set to Brahms “Hungarian Dances”, we see the familiar tale of the big, bad wolf, andthethreelittlepigs. The first pig has the most adorable voice. (Thank you, Sara Berner) He stretches out a wire frame and piles straw on it. Done. The second pig is less adorable and builds his house of matchsticks. It collapses. The third pig is not cute. (Sorry, Blanc) But he is worthy of the intelligence pigs possess. He works hard while his (siblings? friends? love interests?) play. Cue dancing wolf. To get closer without them running, he dons a gypsy disguise. The pigs follow. They fell for it.

PSYCHE! They take his costume and do the dance themselves. Now the chase is on. They run to the straw house. The wolf sets it on fire. They run to the still demolished (match) stick house, and rebuild it as fast as they can. The wolf adds one more and it crumbles. Brick house it is! The wolf tries to blow it down, and is only offered mouthwash for his troubles. He goes to run into the door to knock it down, but the pigs open it up and let him run through the house into the back door.

Later the pigs are happily dancing. (Except for the third one. Spoilsport. He needs a name. They all do. So in order… Crunchy, Pancake and Mel) The wolf is outside dressed as a homeless woman in a snowstorm. (A talcum powder dispenser hanging over his head.) Crunchy and Pancake ignore Mel’s warnings and let “her” in. Mel finds out that the wolf has a record in the dress to make it SOUND like he is playing a sad violin song. Flipping it over gets a new song that the wolf dances his disguise off to.

The pigs run up the stairs to the suddenly existing 2nd floor. They take the elevator back down. The wolf does the same, but instead of another lift, he travels down the shaft (passing by ten stories somehow) and lands hardly. (Mel’s full name is Mel C. Escher)

Personal Rating: 4

Porky’s Romance

“Ladies and Gentlemen! Introducing Leon Scheslinger’s new Looney Tune Star: Petunia Pig!”

After her grand debut makes her look like a basket case, Porky is shown happily buying a ring, candy, and flowers. (I don’t trust that ring.) He makes his way to Petunia’s place and eagerly rings her doorbell. Petunia sees it’s Porky and rejects him. As does her dog, Flumnums. (I don’t care what you say, THAT is the ugliest dog I ever saw!)

Porky somehow heard her through the door, and leaves, crying. Flumnums suddenly sees something that is sure to capture Petunia’s attention: the big box of candy Porky has. She immediately runs out, grabs him, (and the candy) and makes to her couch, where she begins *ahem* pigging out on the sweets. She shares with Flumnums and Porky can’t help but lick his lips. Flumnums won’t let Porky take any however. Porky finally gets one anyway, only for the dog to steal it. (and ruin his hat.)

Porky finally gets to why he came here at all. He proposes. (Interesting note: It’s the last time Doughtery voiced him. Blanc would come in next to show him, how it’s done.) Petunia laughs at Porky and he leaves brokenhearted. He goes to hang himself. (Woah, wait a minute Porky. Let’s talk about this, it’s not worth it!) Lucky for everyone in the audience, he doesn’t die. His weight causes the branch to snap and hit him on the head. Porky then has a vision of what the world would be like if he wasn’t born… oh wait, this short came out first. Instead he see’s what would happen if he married his dream girl.

After a wedding that everyone came to see, they drive off to spend their honeymoon in a hotel. (The license plate says 13OO13. Uh-Oh) However time waits for no pig and it munches on. Years later, Petunia is no longer Mrs. Pig, she is now Mrs. Hog. It appears that all she spends her time doing is eating candy with Flumnums. (What breed is he? Obese.) So, where does that leave Porky? Doing all the housework. He breaks some dishes which cause his children to wake up. (I think they’re all boys, as they’re all named Porky Jr.) Petunia yells at him to shut the brats up and hits him with the stereotypical housewife weapon: a rolling pin, to the piglets’ amusement.

Porky comes back to reality to find Petunia apologizing and agreeing to marry him. (Flumnums is also there, cuddling Porky.) Porky remembers what his dream told him and he runs for the hills. Only coming back to take the candy with him. (And give Flumnums a well deserved kick.)

Personal Rating: 3

I Haven’t got a Hat

“Listen m-my-m-m-m-my children and you shall hear, of the m-m-mi-m-midnight r-ri-ride of P-P-Paul-P-P-Paul R-R-Revere.”

Hello children. You now may recite for your parents today.

(What the heck is wrong with that student in the lower right?)

Now for the birth of my favorite cartoon character ever: Porky Pig! And he’s not alone. This short starts off with a cast of characters. Also appearing is the school teacher: Mrs. Cud the teacher, Beans the cat, Oliver Owl, and the puppies, Ham and Ex. (They point at us and whisper. Am I the only one who wants to know what they’re saying? Because I love attention!)

At the local schoolhouse the students are performing for their parents. First up is a timid little guy, who had no idea he will become the worlds most famous pig. (I don’t care what ignorant children think.) This is Porky’s beginning. He tries to recite “The ride of Paul Revere.” (This is B.B. Before Blanc. Originally it was a man named Joe Doughtery, a REAL stutterer.) Porky has such a difficult time that the crowd gets tired and whistles a pack of dogs to chase Porky off. Jerks. (Yes there are dogs that are anthropomorphic and some that aren’t. Why question it?)

Next up is Kitty, and if you thought Porky was nervous, well, she is just downright petrified. Porky at least went on stage of his own free will. Kitty can’t even finish “Mary had a Little Lamb.” She’s so scared she bolts at the last verse. Next are the pups, who sing our title song. In the crowd Oliver gets out some candy to munch. Not only does he refuse to share with Beans, (Who for the record didn’t really ask) he sticks his tongue out at him. The next performance (in this line of characters that WB was pretty much using to figure out which would be a good replacement for Buddy) is Oliver himself. He takes his candy, turns his nose…beak up at Beans, and goes to play the piano.

To get his revenge, Beans sneaks around outside and puts a non-anthro cat in the piano. To add to the chaos he then adds a dog. Suddenly the piano starts playing “The Storm” by itself, to Oliver’s amazement. The audience can’t see him behind the instrument, so they think he is a musical prodigy. When the music ends, Oliver happily takes the credit. Just at that moment the animals leap out, and the cheers become jeers. Ollie sees Beans laughing and sprsys green ink at him. The force causes Beans to fall back and launch some red paint back at the bird. Caught in the same predicament, the two shake hands and share a truce.

Personal Rating: 3

(Seriously, what is wrong with that student in the bottom right?)

Sinkin’ in the Bathtub

“Hello, Bosko.”

The one that started it all!

It begins with Bosko taking a bath. (We’re off to a great start!) He plays the song “Singin’ in the Bathtub” in various creative ways. Even his tub joins in the fun. All clean, Bosko goes outside to get his car. It’s not in the garage, it was in the outhouse. (Remember in my second Space Jam article I mentioned the use of SUTBLE bathroom humor? Take notes people.) He now heads out for a date with his girlfriend, Honey. (Not before picking some tulips to the tune of “Tiptoe through the Tulips”)

He arrives to see Honey is still preparing, by taking her own bath. (Bosko! You perv!) She quickly gets dressed and Bosko plans to show her the flowers he got her. While he is not looking, a goat eats the flower heads, and Bosko cries. Honey assures him she still loves him and he happily serenades her with a saxophone. (The goat looks angry, was he trying to ruin their relationship?) Honey is not too pleased with Bosko’s music, so she empties her tub on him. He continues to play as the bathwater greatly improves his music ability. Honey dances on the bubbles to the song “I’m forever blowing bubbles.” They hop in the car and go for a ride.

After getting pass a stubborn cow, they slowly make their way up a steep incline. Bosko gets out to shove the car, and the next thing he knows its out of control going downhill. (Honey doesn’t sound too terrified.) While chasing her, Bosko ends up ahead of her. She crashes through a house (taking a bathtub with her) and they all fall down into a lake. Using the tub as a boat, they continue their date. This would only be the beginning for good ‘ole Termite Terrace.

Personal Rating: 3 (It’s a d*mn impressive start.)

The Honey-Mousers

“Whats wrong with mustard ice cream and kumquats?”

In our spoof of “The Honeymooners”, we find Ralph Kramden mouse surprising his wife, (Alice Kramden mouse) with their supper: a hunk of stale cheese. Alice, (who is probably a good contender for the hottest mouse ever award. It exists.) complains to Ralph how they need more food. Ralph would like to comply, but no one has moved into the place. (People = pestilence.)

Perfect timing. Ed Norton mouse comes in to tell that their prayers have been answered. So happy is everyone, that no one notices a cat has been brought as well. No one notices until Ralph and Ed both get mauled. Ralph’s can disguise is useless, so they set to work constructing a Trojan dog that Ed, Ralph and Ralph’s chameleon sweater will take to the fridge. They exit via a missing grate in the wall, (Good thing the cat was gone at the time.) and set to work loading up with goodies. Unbeknowest to them, the cat reappears and enters the dog. They notice once inside and in the ensuing chase, they lose all the food.

Alice suggests that they just get rid of the cat. Ralph tells her to put her money where he mouth is and do it. Alice tears off a whisker and yells at the cat who leaves. Angry with how lucky she was, Ralph assures her he still loves her.

Personal Rating: 3