Category: Merrie Melodies

Cartoons that were labeled as such.

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The Oily American

“Your thomashawk, sir.”

https://www.topcartoons.tv/the-oily-american/

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Sid Marcus; Animation by Phil DeLara, Charles McKimson, Herman Cohen, and Rod Scribner; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on July 10, 1954.

One of the reasons I love cartoons so much, is that they are weird and can get away with it. But sometimes, they’re less “weird” and more “odd.” In other words, the cartoon is weird, but you can’t necessarily just write it off as cartoon logic. That brings us to today’s featured short.

Moe Hican is as his name suggests, a Native American. And as the title suggests, he is something of an oil baron. He has so much of the stuff, he has at least two decorative fountains on his property, spouting the black gold instead of water.  So what does a multi-billionaire do to occupy his time? He hunts, but he does so in a rather “unique” way. He has animals shipped to his house, and released inside. That way he doesn’t have to… actually, it’s not said WHY he does it this way, but I suppose it means he doesn’t need to drive anywhere.

Joined by Jarvis the butler, he turns on a stream in his house and heads to the forest room. (He is rich enough to afford that, AND replace the furniture the water is going to ruin. I suppose if I had as much money as him, I’d do random dumb crap too.) Today’s game is a moose. (Which seems rather redundant, seeing as he already has a deer head on his wall. And last I checked, moose are deer!) The moose is question looks a lot like he escaped from a Disney cartoon, as he is a midget if ever a moose was one. (There isn’t really anything in the story that requires him being so small, but this way he matches Moe in height.)

Our American hero tries to lure his prey out with a moose call, but his prey has a call of his own that calls out to Native American, oil-drenched, bachelors. (You’d be surprised at how many of those things get sold on a yearly basis.) Moe follows it up a tree, whereupon the moose saws it down with his antlers. And just because he is an animal, that doesn’t mean that he is going to stay in the forest room. There is a whole mansion to tear through! (But the majority of the rest of the short takes place back in said room. Why not take advantage of it?)

Jarvis helps out as best as he can, but all of Moe’s weapons come back to hurt him. He dutifully returns them as a good butler should and gets to keep any injuries he gets for his troubles. Ultimately though, he decides that he has had enough, and resigns. Moe doesn’t care much. With as much money as he has, he can easily buy another Jarvis. (Or at least pay someone to change their name to Jarvis.) He chases his prey outside and shoots one last arrow. Somehow, it hits Jarvis’s plane and sends it to the ground. Now that he is no longer employed by the man, Jarvis has every right to spank him. So he does.

Good thing the premise is plenty… original I guess. Otherwise, this would have been a fairly basic chase cartoon.

Personal Rating: 3

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Fresh Airdale

“Good old Shep.”

https://www.b98.tv/video/fresh-airedale/

Directed by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Ben Washam, Lloyd Vaughan and Ken Harris; Music Direction by Carl Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on August 25, 1945.

What a crummy Halloween. As per the usual, I dressed as Porky and nobody knew who I was. Their guesses ranged from one of Disney’s three little pigs, to Patch Adams. (I’m not joking.) Nothing I ever do gets appreciated.

Cʜᴇᴇʀ ᴜᴘ, ᴅᴀᴅ.

Are you still here? I thought I threw you into my pile of failed experiments, that include my Youtube channel and Deviantart account.

Yᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ɢᴇᴛs ɴᴏ ʀᴇᴄᴏɢɴɪᴛɪᴏɴ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ.

I suppose you are right. Today’s short is a perfect example of that.

As anyone who has talked to me for at least four sentences knows, I think rather highly of dogs, and not at all of cats. Dogs are loyal, cute, lovable, silly, smell nice, have a good sense of smell, and love everyone. Cats… well, they probably taste good. I’m sorry, but I’ve never got the appeal for those things. I don’t think they are cute, they stink worse than any animal I’ve encountered, (and I’ve worked at a zoo before.) they’re the only animals that gross me out (hairballs.) and they killed my fish.

This short is like something I would have directed. A man has two pets: Shep the dog, and a cat who doesn’t deserve a name. So we’ll call him: Boy.

I’ᴅ ᴄʀʏ ɪꜰ ᴛʜɪs ᴅɪᴅɴ’ᴛ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴ ᴏɴ ᴀ ᴅᴀɪʟʏ ʙᴀsɪs.

As I was saying, this man knows how things should work. Shep is given a large piece of tasty meat, while the cat has to make do with a fish skeleton. But that is not enough to fill Shep’s belly, and he steals the man’s dinner too. Boy saw this, and tries to show compassion by giving up his skeleton. The man is not pleased to see this, figuring the cat stole from him. (He definitely would have, in the meantime, he put a bacteria laden corpse on his plate) He throws the useless thing (the cat. the bones could fertilize) outside. (Seriously though, why does he keep the thing if he is just going to berate it? Does he just like having something to punch?)

Shep proves he is the better animal, by offering up his beaten up bone. The man is so moved by this, he gives his faithful dog another piece of meat. Shep is too full for some reason, and tosses this second dinner outside. Boy, now in possession of the meat, tries to return it. (He has some kind of collar. And I thought “The Hep Cat” was the only short where a feline had clothing shaped anatomy.) The man rightfully gets angry, and assumes the cat only is returning the meat out of guilt. (Which he definitely  would have, in the meantime, he is trying to feed his owner some meat that touched the filthy ground.) Before the cat can get another deserved kick, Shep defends him. Proving that he is a better animal. Because of this show of kindness, the man relents. Boy thanks his savior, and is kicked away. (Stupid cat. You live with this dog. You should have known that he doesn’t like touching.)

When the master leaves the house, Shep is the one who guards the place. But since he is such a friendly guy, he allows the suspicious type to try and break in. (Provided that the price is right) Boy notices this, and attacks the trespasser. The worthless creature gets knocked out in the scuffle, so Shep decides it is up to him to have the credit. He puts the cat in a garbage can to rest (where he belongs) and makes it look like he did it all. Shep is now lauded as a hero.

He enjoys his glory, but there is one small hiccup: there is another dog in the paper. And he is the no. 1 dog! (Originally, he was supposed to be FDR’s dog, but then the man went and died right as this short was going to be released, and it just didn’t seem like it would be in very good taste) Shep can’t have that, and he heads for (probably still) D.C. to cement his position. Boy follows, no doubt trying to ruin the poor dog’s already hard life.

Upon arriving, Shep tries to get rid of not Fala. (That’s just dogs being dogs) Boy ruins his plans, and sends the canine tumbling into a lake. Shep can’t swim, so the Scottish Terrier comes to his rescue. But since Shep is a much bigger dog, the little one passes out upon reaching the shore. Shep wakes up first, and makes it look like HE is the one who saved the day. Shep is now the most popular creature in the world! Doing interviews and getting parades! And Boy has to watch it all. Even getting some mud in the face. Serves him right.

Personal Rating: 4

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Lights Fantastic

“It’s Swell!!”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Sgt. Dave Monahan; Animation by Gil Turner; Musical Supervision by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on May 23, 1942.

Light is pretty fantastic stuff. I don’t mean the natural kind you can get from the sun. (That stuff causes cancer!) I mean the artificial kind that people use to give nature the finger, and turn night into diet day. And apart from Vegas, I’d say the best place to experience such a marvel, is New York City. What types of gags might we find just marveling at billboards?

One ad is typed out to us as if on a typewriter. But whoever is in charge of things, sure as heck can’t spell “stewpendaus.” And while you’re enjoying the sights that are lights, why not take a trip to Chinatown? (The bus is built like a rickshaw. At least it’s not as racially insensitive as it could have been.) One ad gives a free sample of what it’s promoting: an eye test! Being able to read the first line means you’re average. (Crap. I can make it out, but I can’t read that mess. Guess I need new contacts.) The next one means “above average” and the one below that is “exceptional!” And if you can read the bottom one, you clearly are a foreigner. (Who would bother to learn another language?)

What would a “Merrie Melody” be without a song number? (Still entertaining.) The ads come to life to serenade us. The featured song is “My High Polished Nose.” (“My Wild Irish Rose”) Next on the playbill: “Laugh, Clown, Laugh” performed by the mascot of Clown cakes and cookies. And as many can jokes as they can make! Coffee cans doing the can-can, while frequently showing off their cans! (Can there be anymore? It just can’t be! So I better can it, lest I get canned.)

One ad tries too hard. It tries to grab your attention with as much neon as they can afford. All for a tiny “Eat at Joe’s” message. (Freleng would use a similar gag in “Holiday for Shoestrings.” (Even using the same music piece.) And since this wasn’t the most story driven short, what better way to end it than with a music party? The dripping of coffee, the shaking of peanuts, and the dinging of a cowbell make an irresistible beat that has the rest of the ads dancing. Ending up with the same shot we began with. (What a bright idea.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Horton hatches the Egg

“I’m still on vacation.”

Supervised by Robert Clampett; Animation by Robert McKimson. A Merrie Melody released on April 11, 1942.

Yep! This short is the only Looney Tune that is adapting someone else’s property. Clampett’s wild animation style mixed with Seuss’s wild imagination? What a combination! Since you no doubt know the story, I’m just going to have Boy read it out loud, while I make comments about the story as well as changes in the short. Take it away!

Sɪɢʜᴇᴅ Mᴀʏᴢɪᴇ, ᴀ ʟᴀᴢʏ ʙɪʀᴅ ʜᴀᴛᴄʜɪɴɢ ᴀɴ ᴇɢɢ: “I’ᴍ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ I’ᴍ ʙᴏʀᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ I’ᴠᴇ ᴋɪɴᴋs ɪɴ ᴍʏ ʟᴇɢ ꜰʀᴏᴍ sɪᴛᴛɪɴɢ, ᴊᴜsᴛ sɪᴛᴛɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴀʏ. Iᴛ’s ᴡᴏʀᴋ! Hᴏᴡ I ʜᴀᴛᴇ ɪᴛ! I’ᴅ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ʀᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴘʟᴀʏ! I’ᴅ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴀ ᴠᴀᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ, ꜰʟʏ ᴏꜰꜰ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀ ʀᴇsᴛ ɪꜰ I ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ꜰɪɴᴅ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴛᴀʏ ᴏɴ ᴍʏ ɴᴇsᴛ! Iꜰ I ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ꜰɪɴᴅ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ, I’ᴅ ꜰʟʏ ᴀᴡᴀʏ-ꜰʀᴇᴇ….”

The first difference is that Clampett added much more color. The book has much more black and white with a green sky. Speaking of the book, Clampett and his crew didn’t even use storyboards when making this short. They just scribbled notes in Clampett’s copy of the book. Perhaps their work on this is what inspired Seuss to help with Snafu?

But really, is Mayzie so lazy that sitting on her can, is too much work? I know one has to tip the egg constantly to keep it warm on all sides and keep the chick from sticking to one part of the egg, but is it really work?

Tʜᴇɴ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ, ᴛʜᴇ Eʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ, ᴘᴀssᴇᴅ ʙʏ ʜᴇʀ ᴛʀᴇᴇ.
“Hᴇʟʟᴏ!” ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴢʏ ʙɪʀᴅ, sᴍɪʟɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀ ʙᴇsᴛ, “Yᴏᴜ’ᴠᴇ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴅᴏ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴀ ʀᴇsᴛ. Wᴏᴜʟᴅ YOU ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ sɪᴛ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɢɢ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ɴᴇsᴛ?”

In the short, Horton is pink. Because it’s Clampett, d*mn it! Nothing is too crazy for this man. And instead of Blanc, we have Kent Rogers who I’ve mentioned was also the voice for “The Bashful Buzzard,” Beaky. The somewhat slow and dopey voice suits Horton. It’s how I’ve always pictured him talking.

Tʜᴇ ᴇʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ ʟᴀᴜɢʜᴇᴅ. “Wʜʏ, ᴏꜰ ᴀʟʟ sɪʟʟʏ ᴛʜɪɴɢs! I ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ’ᴛ ꜰᴇᴀᴛʜᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ I ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ’ᴛ ᴡɪɴɢs. ME ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇɢɢ? Wʜʏ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ sᴇɴsᴇ…. ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇɢɢ ɪs sᴏ ᴍᴀʟʟ, ᴍᴀ’ᴀᴍ, ᴀɴᴅ I’ᴍ sᴏ ɪᴍᴍᴇɴsᴇ!”
“Tᴜᴛ, ᴛᴜᴛ,” ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀᴇᴅ Mᴀʏᴢɪᴇ. “I ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ sᴍᴀʟʟ ʙᴜᴛ I’ᴍ sᴜʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ. Nᴏ ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴀʟʟ. Jᴜsᴛ sɪᴛ ᴏɴ ɪᴛ sᴏꜰᴛʟʏ. Yᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ɢᴇɴᴛʟᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴋɪɴᴅ. Cᴏᴍᴇ, ʙᴇ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ꜰᴇʟʟᴏᴡ. I ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴍɪɴᴅ.”
“I ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ,” sᴀɪᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇʟᴇᴘᴀʜɴᴛ. “PL-E-E-ASE!” ʙᴇɢɢᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʙɪʀᴅ. “I ᴡᴏɴ’ᴛ ʙᴇ ɢᴏɴᴇ ʟᴏɴɢ, sɪʀ. I ɢɪᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴅ. I’ʟʟ ʜᴜʀʀʏ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ. Wʜʏ, I’ʟʟ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʙᴇ ᴍɪssᴇᴅ….”

Horton takes a little more convincing in the book. Not much, but he doesn’t say he can’t in the short. And as for not having wings, I’m not sure that’s a valid argument. Ever look at the way Seuss draws elephant ears? They look an awful lot like what angels use to fly.

“Vᴇʀʏ ᴡᴇʟʟ,” sᴀɪᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ, “sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɪɴsɪsᴛ….
Yᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴀ ᴠᴀᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ. Gᴏ ꜰʟʏ ᴏꜰꜰ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ. I’ʟʟ sɪᴛ ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇɢɢ ᴀɴᴅ I’ʟʟ ᴛʀʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙʀᴇᴀᴋ ɪᴛ. I’ʟʟ sᴛᴀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ʙᴇ ꜰᴀɪᴛʜꜰᴜʟ. I ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴡʜᴀᴛ I sᴀʏ.”
“Tᴏᴏᴅʟᴇ-ᴏᴏ!” sᴀɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ Mᴀʏᴢɪᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰʟᴜᴛᴛᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴀᴡᴀʏ.

So who was the father of this egg? Many birds stay together to raise it, but the male must be worst than Mayzie. She at least bothered to make sure the egg wouldn’t die without her. Unless he was the better parent, and just happened to be eaten by the cat in the hat.

“H-ᴍ-ᴍ-ᴍ… ᴛʜᴇ ꜰɪʀsᴛ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ,” ᴍᴜʀᴍᴜʀᴇᴅ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ, “Lᴇᴛ’s sᴇᴇ…. Tʜᴇ ꜰɪʀsᴛ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ɪs ᴛᴏ ᴘʀᴏᴘ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜɪs ᴛʀᴇᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ᴍᴜᴄʜ sᴛʀᴏɴɢᴇʀ. Tʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀs ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴅᴏɴᴇ ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ I ɢᴇᴛ ᴏɴ ɪᴛ. I ᴍᴜsᴛ ᴡᴇɪɢʜ ᴀ ᴛᴏɴ.”

I like the fact that Seuss decided to explain how the tree won’t snap under an elephant’s weight, but not explaining how the elephant wasn’t crushing the egg? That wasn’t as important. This part gets no mention in the short. The tree just gets propped without explanation. And Horton only weighs about a ton? How old is he? Judging by the lack of tusks, he must be pretty young, but I always figured he was full grown. If he is, he is way malnourished!

Tʜᴇɴ ᴄᴀʀᴇꜰᴜʟʟʏ, ᴛᴇɴᴅᴇʀʟʏ, ɢᴇɴᴛʟʏ ʜᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴘᴛ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴜɴᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇsᴛ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴇɢɢ sʟᴇᴘᴛ.

As far as I know, unhatched chicks don’t wake in their eggs. So, yes. Slept is the right term.

Tʜᴇɴ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇʟᴘʜᴀɴᴛ sᴍɪʟᴇᴅ. “Nᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ’s ᴛʜᴀᴛ….”
Aɴᴅ ʜᴇ sᴀᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇ sᴀᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇ sᴀᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇ sᴀᴛ….

And what did he do for food? Did he just eat all the plants surrounding him? And what about defecation? Did he ever stop sitting so he wouldn’t soil the egg? These are the kind of questions I ponder.

Aɴᴅ ʜᴇ sᴀᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇ ᴋᴇᴘᴛ ʜᴇ ᴇɢɢ ᴡᴀʀᴍ…. Aɴᴅ ʜᴇ sᴀᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɴɪɢʜᴛ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴀ ᴛᴇʀʀɪʙʟᴇ sᴛᴏʀᴍ. Iᴛ ᴘᴏᴜʀᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ ʟɪɢʜɴɪɴɢᴇᴅ! Iᴛ ᴛʜᴜɴᴅᴇʀᴇᴅ! Iᴛ ʀᴜᴍʙʟᴇᴅ! “Tʜɪs ɪsɴ’ᴛ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ꜰᴜɴ,” ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴏᴏʀ ᴇʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ ɢʀᴜᴍʙʟᴇᴅ. “I ᴡɪsʜ sʜᴇ’ᴅ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ‘ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ I’ᴍ ᴄᴏʟᴅ ᴀɴᴅ I’ᴍ ᴡᴇᴛ. I ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ Mᴀʏᴢɪᴇ ʙɪʀᴅ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ ꜰᴏʀɢᴇᴛ.”

I understand you’re upset Horton, but wouldn’t you be wet no matter where you went? You’re not exactly small enough to hide under much. And are you really that cold? I figured you were in a jungle of some sort. The short has some fun with this scene. The whole place floods and only the tip of his trunk shows. (The egg is doing fine while submerged.)

Bᴜᴛ Mᴀʏᴢɪᴇ, ʙʏ ᴛʜɪs ᴛɪᴍᴇ, ᴡᴀs ꜰᴀʀ ʙᴇʏᴏɴᴅ ʀᴇᴀᴄʜ, ᴇɴᴊᴏʏɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ sᴜɴsʜɪɴᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ᴏꜰꜰ ɪɴ Pᴀʟᴍ Bᴇᴀᴄʜ, ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ sᴜᴄʜ ꜰᴜɴ, sᴜᴄʜ ᴀ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀꜰᴜʟ ʀᴇsᴛ, ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇᴅ sʜᴇ’ᴅ NEVER ɢᴏ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʀ ɴᴇsᴛ!

“Far beyond reach?” How fast was she flying? She only left earlier in the day. And for those of you who have the book, look at this page. Why is that one guy staring at her? Has he never seen a bird before? Or is he like me and just amazed to see such an animal out of its natural habitat?

Sᴏ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ᴋᴇᴘᴛ sɪᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ, ᴅᴀʏ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴀʏ. Aɴᴅ sᴏᴏɴ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs Aᴜᴛᴜᴍɴ. Tʜᴇ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇs ʙʟᴇᴡ ᴀᴡᴀʏ. Aɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴛʜᴇ Wɪɴᴛᴇʀ… ᴛʜᴇ sɴᴏᴡ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ sʟᴇᴇᴛ! Aɴᴅ ɪᴄɪᴄʟᴇs ʜᴜɴɢ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʜɪs ᴛʀᴜɴᴋ ᴀɴᴅ ʜɪs ꜰᴇᴇᴛ.
Bᴜᴛ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ᴋᴇᴘᴛ sɪᴛᴛɪɴɢ, ᴀɴᴅ sᴀɪᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ sɴᴇᴇᴢᴇ, “I’ʟʟ sᴛᴀʏ ᴏɴ ᴛʜɪs ᴇɢɢ ᴀɴᴅ I ᴡᴏɴ’ᴛ ʟᴇᴛ ɪᴛ ꜰʀᴇᴇᴢᴇ. I ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ I sᴀɪᴅ ᴀɴᴅ I sᴀɪᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ I ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ…. Aɴ ᴇʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ’s ꜰᴀɪᴛʜꜰᴜʟ ᴏɴᴇ ʜᴜɴᴅʀᴇᴅ ᴘᴇʀ ᴄᴇɴᴛ!”

Okay, I guess it wasn’t a jungle then. In the short, Horton at least gets a cute pair of earmuffs for this part. As for the book, the tree has switched sides and now leans to the left.

Sᴏ ᴘᴏᴏʀ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ sᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡʜᴏʟᴇ ᴡɪɴᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ…. Aɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴛʜᴇ sᴘʀɪɴɢᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇs ᴀɴᴇᴡ! Hɪs ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅs ɢᴀᴛʜᴇʀᴇᴅ ʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ sʜᴏᴜʀᴛᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɢʟᴇᴇ.

One of these friends may look familiar. It’s Rosebud the mouse, who we last saw in “Farm Frolics”. Making his only other appearance here. Another of his friends is a kangaroo who has joey that has another joey in its pouch. Strange.

“Lᴏᴏᴋ! Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ Eʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ’s ᴜᴘ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴛʀᴇᴇ!” Tʜᴇʏ ᴛᴀᴜɴᴛᴇᴅ. Tʜᴇʏ ᴛᴇᴀsᴇᴅ ʜɪᴍ. Tʜᴇʏ ʏᴇʟʟᴇᴅ, “Hᴏᴡ ᴀʙsᴜʀᴅ!” “Oʟᴅ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ Eʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ ᴛʜɪɴᴋs ʜᴇ’s ᴀ ʙɪʀᴅ!”

And I guess they didn’t give him a chance to explain himself. Maybe once they learned of his predicament, they’d help out. At least try and find Mayzie.

Tʜᴇʏ ʟᴀᴜɢʜᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʟᴀᴜɢʜᴇᴅ. Tʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʟʟ ʀᴀɴ ᴀᴡᴀʏ. Aɴᴅ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ᴡᴀs ʟᴏɴᴇʟʏ. Hᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴘʟᴀʏ. Bᴜᴛ ʜᴇ sᴀᴛ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɢɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴏɴᴛɪɴᴜᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ: “I ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ I sᴀɪᴅ ᴀɴᴅ I sᴀɪᴅ ᴡᴀʜᴛ I ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ…. Aɴᴅ ᴇʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ’s ꜰᴀɪᴛʜꜰᴜʟ ᴏɴᴇ ʜᴜɴᴅʀᴇᴅ ᴘᴇʀ ᴄᴇɴᴛ!

I suppose it isn’t really specified, but it sounds like Horton wants to play with these animals who are dicks. Surely you can make some better friends, man.

“Nᴏ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ WHAT ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴs, ᴛʜɪs ᴇɢɢ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴇ ᴛᴇɴᴅᴇᴅ!” Bᴜᴛ ᴘᴏᴏʀ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ’s ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇs ᴡᴇʀᴇ ꜰᴀʀ, ꜰᴀʀ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇɴᴅᴇᴅ. Fᴏʀ, ᴡʜɪʟᴇ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ sᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ sᴏ ꜰᴀɪᴛʜꜰᴜʟ, sᴏ ᴋɪɴᴅ, ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ʜᴜɴᴛᴇʀs ᴄᴀᴍᴇ sɴᴇᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴜᴘ sᴏꜰᴛʟʏ ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ!

Clampett has fun with the hunters designs. Each one looks different than the others.

Hᴇ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇɴ’s ꜰᴏᴏᴛsᴛᴇᴘs! Hᴇ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ sᴛᴀʀᴛ! Tʜʀᴇᴇ ʀɪꜰʟᴇs ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴀɪᴍɪɴɢ ʀɪɢʜᴛ sᴛʀᴀɪɢʜᴛ ᴀᴛ ʜɪs ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ!

And in the animated world, heart apparently means rump.

Dɪᴅ ʜᴇ ʀᴜɴ? Hᴇ ᴅɪᴅ ɴᴏᴛ! HORTON STAYED ON THAT NEST! Hᴇ ʜᴇʟᴅ ʜɪs ʜᴇᴀᴅ ʜɪɢʜ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇ ᴛʜʀᴇᴡ ᴏᴜᴛ ʜɪs ᴄʜᴇsᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋᴇᴅ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴜɴᴛᴇʀs ᴀs ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴀs ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ: “Sʜᴏᴏᴛ ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴜsᴛ ʙᴜᴛ I ᴡᴏɴ’ᴛ ʀᴜɴ ᴀᴡᴀʏ! I ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ Isᴀɪᴅ ᴀɴᴅ I sᴀɪᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ I ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ…. Aɴᴅ ᴇʟᴇᴘᴀɴᴛs’s ꜰᴀɪᴛʜꜰᴜʟ ᴏɴᴇ ʜᴜɴᴅʀᴇᴅ ᴘᴇʀ ᴄᴇɴᴛ!”

Horton is so bass.

Bᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇɴ ᴅɪᴅɴ’ᴛ sʜᴏᴏᴛ! Mᴜᴄʜ ᴛᴏ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ’s sᴜʀᴘʀɪsᴇ, ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴅʀᴏᴘᴘᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ɢᴜɴs ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ sᴛᴀʀᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴡɪᴅᴇ ᴇʏᴇs! “ʟᴏᴏᴋ!” ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʟʟ sʜᴏᴜᴛᴇᴅ, “Cᴀɴ sᴜᴄʜ ᴀ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ʙᴇ? Aɴ ᴇʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ sɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴛᴏᴘ ᴏꜰ ᴀ ᴛʀᴇᴇ…”

Really, it’s only mildly interesting. The tree that isn’t breaking, THAT’S the impressive part.

“Iᴛ’s sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ! Iᴛ’s ᴀᴍᴀᴢɪɴɢ! Iᴛ’s ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀꜰᴜʟ! Nᴇᴡ! Dᴏɴ’ᴛ sʜᴏᴏᴛ ʜɪᴍ. Wᴇ’ʟʟ CATCH ʜɪᴍ. Tʜᴀᴛ’s ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ’ʟʟ ᴅᴏ! Lᴇᴛ’s ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ʜɪᴍ ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ. Wʜʏ, ʜᴇ’s ᴛᴇʀʀɪʙʟʏ ꜰᴜɴɴʏ! Wᴇ’ʟʟ sᴇʟʟ ʜɪᴍ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ᴄɪʀᴄᴜs, ꜰᴏʀ ᴍᴏɴᴇʏ!”

I suppose during the war, even mildly funny was much appreciated.

Aɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰɪʀsᴛ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ʜᴇ ᴋɴᴇᴡ, ᴛʜᴇʏ ʜᴀᴅ ʙᴜʟᴛ ᴀ ʙɪɢ ᴡᴀɢᴏɴ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʀᴏᴘᴇs ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰʀᴏɴᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴜʟʟᴇʀs ᴛᴏ ᴅʀᴀɢ ᴏɴ. Tʜᴇʏ ᴅᴜɢ ᴜᴘ ʜɪs ᴛʀᴇᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴘᴜᴛ ɪᴛ ɪɴsɪᴅᴇ, ᴡɪᴛʜ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ sᴏ sᴀᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴇ ᴘʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ ᴄʀɪᴇᴅ. “Wᴇ’ʀᴇ ᴏꜰꜰ!” ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇɴ sʜᴏᴜᴛᴇᴅ. Aɴᴅ ᴏꜰꜰ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʟʟ ᴡᴇɴᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ᴜɴʜᴀᴘᴘʏ, ᴏɴᴇ ʜᴜɴᴅʀᴇᴅ ᴘᴇʀ ᴄᴇɴᴛ.

Somehow they did all this without Horton snapping their spines with his trunk, and they potted the tree. I suppose if they can pull the whole thing, lifting it was just a bit harder. Another minor difference in the short: all three pull.

Uᴘ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴊᴜɴɢʟᴇ! Uᴘ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴋʏ! Uᴘ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴜɴᴛᴀɪɴs ᴛᴇɴ ᴛʜᴏᴜsᴀɴᴅ ꜰᴇᴇᴛ ʜɪɢʜ! Tʜᴇɴ ᴅᴏᴡɴ, ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴜɴᴛᴀɪɴs ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴇᴀ ᴡᴇɴᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ, ᴇɢɢ, ɴᴇsᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʀᴇᴇ …

So they WERE in a jungle! A jungle with snow. (And I though Wackyland was weird.) And did they really have to go up the mountain rather than around? These guys really must be the strongest men in the world. (I guess they are all named Artie.)

Tʜᴇɴ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀɢᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏɴᴛᴏ ᴀ sʜɪᴘ! Oᴜᴛ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴄᴇᴀɴ… ᴀɴᴅ ᴏᴏᴏʜ, ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀ ᴛʀɪᴘ! Rᴏʟʟɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏssɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ sᴘʟᴀsʜᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ sᴘʀᴀʏ! Aɴᴅ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ sᴀɪᴅ, ᴅᴀʏ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴀʏ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴀʏ, “I ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ I sᴀɪᴅ ᴀɴᴅ I sᴀɪᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ I ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ… ʙᴜᴛ ᴏʜ, ᴀᴍ I sᴇᴀsɪᴄᴋ! Oɴᴇ ʜᴜɴᴅʀᴇᴅ ᴘᴇʀ ᴄᴇɴᴛ!”

Clampett had real fun with this page! See that fish watching the ship? He shoots himself now that he’s seen everything. And yes, suicidal fish get cut when aired on TV. Pussies.

Aꜰᴛᴇʀ ʙᴏʙʙɪɴɢ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴡᴇᴇᴋs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ᴄᴏʀᴋ, ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀɴᴅᴇᴅ ᴀᴛ ʟᴀsᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴏᴡɴ ᴏꜰ Nᴇᴡ Yᴏʀᴋ. “Aʟʟ ᴀsʜᴏʀᴇ!” ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇɴ sʜᴏᴜᴛᴇᴅ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ʟᴜʀᴄʜ ᴡᴇɴᴛ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ Eʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ sᴛɪʟʟ ᴏɴ ʜɪs ᴘᴇʀᴄʜ, ᴛɪᴇᴅ ᴏɴᴛᴏ ᴀ ʙᴏᴀʀᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴊᴜsᴛ sᴄᴀʀᴇᴄʟʏ ʜᴏʟᴅ ʜɪᴍ….BUMP! Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ʟᴀɴᴅᴇᴅ! Aɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇɴ sᴏʟᴅ ʜɪᴍ!

I suppose he can’t talk to people in the book, but he can in the short. That just makes the people even more cruel.

Sᴏʟᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ᴄɪʀᴄᴜs! Tʜᴇɴ ᴡᴇᴇᴋ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴡᴇᴇᴋ ᴛʜᴇʏ sʜᴏᴡᴇᴅ ʜɪᴍ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛᴇɴ ᴄᴇɴᴛs ᴀ ᴘᴇᴇᴋ. Tʜᴇʏ ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ʜɪᴍ ᴛᴏ Bᴏsᴛᴏɴ, ᴛᴏ Kᴀʟᴀᴍᴀᴢᴏᴏ, Cʜɪᴄᴀɢᴏ, Wᴇᴇʜᴀᴡᴋᴇɴ ᴀɴᴅ Wᴀsʜɪɴɢᴛᴏɴ, ᴛᴏᴏ! Tᴏ Dᴀʏᴛᴏɴ, Oʜɪᴏ; Sᴛ. Pᴀᴜʟ, Mɪɴɴᴇsᴏᴛᴀ; Tᴏ Wɪᴄʜɪᴛᴀ, Kᴀɴsᴀs; ᴛᴏ Dʀᴀᴋᴇ, Nᴏʀᴛʜ Dᴀᴋᴏᴛᴀ. Aɴᴅ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴏᴜsᴀɴᴅs ᴏꜰ ꜰᴏʟᴋs ꜰʟᴏᴄᴋᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ sᴇᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴀᴜɢʜ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ ᴜᴘ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴛʀᴇᴇ. Pᴏᴏʀ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ɢʀᴇᴡ sᴀᴅᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴀʀᴛʜᴇʀ ʜᴇ ᴡᴇɴᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ʜᴇ sᴀɪᴅ ᴀs ʜᴇ sᴀᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏᴛ ɴᴏɪsʏ ᴛᴇɴᴛ: “I ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ I sᴀɪᴅ, ᴀɴᴅ I sᴀɪᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ I ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ… ᴀɴ ᴇʟᴘʜᴀɴᴛ’s ꜰᴀɪᴛʜꜰᴜʟ-ᴏɴᴇ ʜᴜɴᴅʀᴇᴅ ᴘᴇʀ ᴄᴇɴᴛ!”

The crow isn’t animated in the short. They move as much as the people in the book do.

Tʜᴇɴ… ONE DAY ᴛʜᴇ Cɪʀᴄᴜs Sʜᴏᴡ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴀ ᴛᴏᴡɴ ᴡᴀʏ ᴅᴏᴡɴ sᴏᴜᴛʜ, ɴᴏᴛ sᴏ ꜰᴀʀ ꜰʀᴏᴍ Pᴀʟᴍ Bᴇᴀᴄʜ. Aɴᴅ, ᴅᴀᴡᴅʟɪɴɢ ᴀʟᴏɴɢ ᴡᴀʏ ᴜᴘ ʜɪɢʜ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sᴋʏ, ᴡʜᴏ (ᴏꜰ ᴀʟʟ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ!) sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜰʟʏ ʙʏ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴏʟᴅ ɢᴏᴏᴅ-ꜰᴏʀ-ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʙɪʀᴅ, ʀᴜɴᴀᴡᴀʏ Mᴀʏᴢɪᴇ! Sᴛɪʟʟ ᴏɴ ᴠᴀᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ sᴛɪʟʟ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀs ʟᴀᴢʏ. Aɴᴅ, sᴘʏɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰʟᴀɢs ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴇɴᴛs ᴊᴜsᴛ ʙᴇʟᴏᴡ, sʜᴇ sᴀɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ, “ᴡʜᴀᴛ ꜰᴜɴ! Wʜʏ, I’ʟʟ ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sʜᴏᴡ!”

Birds are so proud of the fact admission doesn’t apply to them.

Aɴᴅ sʜᴇ sᴡᴏᴏᴘᴇᴅ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅs ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴀɴ ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴅᴏᴏʀ… “Gᴏᴏᴅ ɢʀᴀᴄɪᴏᴜs!” ɢᴀsᴘᴇᴅ Mᴀʏᴢɪᴇ, “I’ᴠᴇ sᴇᴇɴ YOU ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ!”
Pᴏᴏʀ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ʟᴏᴏᴋᴇᴅ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜɪs ꜰᴀᴄᴇ ᴡʜɪᴛᴇ ᴀs ᴄʜᴀʟᴋ! Hᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ sᴘᴇᴀᴋ, ʙᴜᴛ ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛᴀʟᴋ…

I doubt she would have recognized him if he wasn’t in a tree.

Tʜᴇʀᴇ ʀᴀɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴏsɪᴇsᴛ ᴇᴀʀ-sᴘʟɪᴛᴛɪɴɢ sǫᴜᴇᴀᴋs ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɢɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴇ’ᴅ sᴀᴛ ᴏɴ ꜰᴏʀ ꜰɪꜰᴛʏ-ᴏɴᴇ ᴡᴇᴇᴋs! A ᴛʜᴜᴍᴘɪɴɢ! ᴀ ʙᴜᴍᴘɪɴɢ! A ᴡɪʟᴅ ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ sᴄʀᴀᴛᴄʜɪɴɢ! “Mʏ ᴇɢɢ” sʜᴏᴜᴛᴇᴅ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ. “Mʏ EGG! WHY, IT’S HATCHING!”

You might think fifty-one weeks is too long for an egg to hatch, but an elephant’s gestation period is 22 months, so that sounds like a fair compromise.

“Bᴜᴛ ɪᴛ’s MINE!” sᴄʀᴇᴀᴍᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʙɪʀᴅ, ᴡʜᴇɴ sʜᴇ ʜᴀʀᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɢɢ ᴄʀᴀᴄᴋ. (Tʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴡᴀs ᴀʟʟ ᴅᴏɴᴇ. Nᴏᴡ sʜᴇ ᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ɪᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ.) “Iᴛ’s MY ᴇɢɢ!” sʜᴇ sᴘᴜᴛᴛᴇʀᴇᴅ. “ʏᴏᴜ sᴛᴏʟᴇ ɪᴛ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴇ! Gᴇᴛ ᴏꜰꜰ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ɴᴇsᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴇᴛ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴛʀᴇᴇ!”
Pᴏᴏʀ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ʙᴀᴄᴋᴇᴅ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ sᴀᴅ, ʜᴇᴀᴠʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ….

Even as a kid this part bothered me. The work is NOT almost done, it’s only going to get harder. Why does she want it back so much? Does she think she can make the chick wait on her?

Bᴜᴛ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴠᴇʀʏ ɪɴsᴛᴀɴᴛ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɢɢ ʙᴜʀsᴛ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ! Aɴᴅ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘɪᴇᴄᴇs ᴏꜰ ʀᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜɪᴛᴇ sʜᴇʟʟ, ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɢɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴇ’ᴅ sᴀᴛ ᴏɴ sᴏ ʟᴏɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ sᴏ ᴡᴇʟʟ, Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ Eʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ sᴀᴡ sᴏᴍᴇʜᴛɪɴɢ ᴡʜɪᴢᴢ! IT HAD EARS AND A TAIL AND A TRUNK JUST LIKE HIS!

So, unless sitting on an egg just infuses it with your D.N.A., Horton was the father all along. No wonder Mayzie made him sit. He had to do his share.

Aɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴄᴀᴍᴇ sʜᴏᴜᴛɪɴɢ, “ᴡʜᴀᴛ’s ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜɪs ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ…?” Tʜᴇʏ ʟᴏᴏᴋᴇᴅ! ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ sᴛᴀʀᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴇʏᴇs ᴘᴏᴘᴘɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ~ Tʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴄʜᴇᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴄʜᴇᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ CHEERED ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴏʀᴇ. Tʜᴇʏ’ᴅ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ sᴇᴇɴ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʟɪᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ! “Mʏ ɢᴏᴏᴅɴᴇss! Mʏ ɢʀᴀᴄɪᴏᴜs!” ᴛʜᴇʏ sʜᴏᴜᴛᴇᴅ. “MY WORD! Iᴛ’s sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ʙʀᴀɴᴅ ɴᴇᴡ! IT’S AN ELEPHANT BIRD!!
ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ, ɪᴛ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ, ɪᴛ SHOULD ʙᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ! Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ Hᴏʀᴛᴏɴ ᴡᴀs ꜰᴀɪᴛʜꜰᴜʟ! Hᴇ sᴀᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇ sᴀᴛ! Hᴇ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʜᴇ sᴀɪᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇ sᴀɪᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ….”

Except… the elephant bird wasn’t brand new by 1940 when this book came out. It was a real species that had already gone extinct. It layed the biggest eggs of any animal. (And we’ve got another person staring at the bird again. Is he wondering what other chimaeras he could make?)

…Aɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ sᴇɴᴛ ʜɪᴍ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ, ᴏɴᴇ ʜᴜɴᴅʀᴇᴅ ᴘᴇʀ ᴄᴇɴᴛ!

Showing that some people are nice after all. (But did they really never try and see if the elephant was sitting on anything?) I’m just glad it ended happily for everyone who wasn’t a prick. And our short ends with Horton and his (I’m guessing son.) singing together. And what a merry melody it is!

Personal Rating: 3

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How do I Know it’s Sunday

“No Samples”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Animation by Frank Tipper and Don Williams; Music by Bernard Brown. A Merrie Melody released on June 9, 1934.

Do you really want to know the answer? Well, I know that over a year ago, I decided to update on Sundays. The calendar I looked at said it was said day, and ever since then, I’ve updated every seven days. And since Sunday happens once every seven of those days, as long as it stays in the same spot, I will continue to update on this day. And that’s how I know its Sunday.

And since the day is Sunday, everyone in town is off to church. Leaving their stores empty and abandoned. Perfect for the merchandise to have a little fun of their own. Like sardines singing with a severed pig’s head. (Delightful.) The meat aren’t the only products singing our title song. The produce does too. A potato has tears streaming out of her many eyes, due to the onion she is talking to. (Her mother said this would happen.) Oysters and lobsters uses their shells and claws respectively as castanets, and even some of our real world mascots join in. Like Mr. Peanut and the Morton’s salt girl.

Seeing as how couples are acting in that sickly sweet couple way, one Inuit boy jumps off of his bottle of club soda, (Get it? He kills seals!) and goes to ask his sweetheart to join him. His lady of choice is a cookie girl. (I hope they don’t plan to spend the rest of their lives together. He’ll end up in the trash and she’ll end up in a toilet. For that matter, can a printed mascot actually mate with a baked good?)

What conflict will befall these innocent marketing gimmicks? Diptera! That’s right, flies! (The idiot who owns this store thought it would be a good idea to leave a window open. Fresh air is full of many unsanitary things.) Being flies, they are interested in the many sugary treats that abound in this store. (One of which has a rib cage in it. That would be fun to watch someone find.) Seeing as his girl is a baked good herself, the flies carry her off to feast on her. They may not be seals, but it won’t stop Soda Pete from going all Whacking Day on their abdomens.

He does manage to rescue her fairly quickly, but the flies get them and all their friends trapped and begin assaulting them with toothpicks and lit matches. (The flies don’t care if they have to burn their prey to ash. Everything tastes like vomit to them, anyway.) The products put out the fires, because, as a store, it sells things like water. And they retaliate with syrup and popcorn. The majority of flies are now a candy concoction themselves, and land amongst other popcorn balls. (Someone is definitely going to be surprised.) The other flies COULD get away, but their pride won’t let them. They make one last attack on the Inuit, but he traps them in a bottle.

Personal Rating: 2

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Sittin’ on a Backyard Fence

“How about some lovin’?”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x76onby

Supervision by Earl Duvall; Animation by Jack King and Don Williams; Music by Norman Spencer. A Merrie Melody released on December 16, 1933.

Everything is asleep at night. The clock, the dentures, the man. (Slow down cartoon! My suspension of disbelief can only go so far!) Now really, the world couldn’t function if there wasn’t SOMETHING nocturnal, so it is quite a relief to see some cats up and about.

A female, (you can tell she is female because of her bow.) heads out of the house at the request of a male. (You can tell he is male because of his Y chromosome.) They make a cute couple. (I could too, but no lady wants to give me the time at midnight.) During a gag where the cats walk in the moonlight and are x-rayed, it is strange to see a cartoon actually remembering that the nose and ears don’t contain bones. Plus one point for zoological accuracy!

Plenty of other cats are in the alley, and they make some music with various junk. Nothing more romantic than “Home on the Range.” (Oh good. I have a copy of that movie.) Now, while they two may seem happy to be together, like all females of all species, she will never truly be happy with any man, and will always be on the look out to trade up. Who could be a better match than generic Tom? How about the scruffy one eyed cat drinking liquid Kat-nip? (From the same company that manufactures liquid Viagra. It’s an odd company.)

Once one eyed Scruff asks her to dance, it’s all over for generic Tom. But he’s not going to just let his ex ruin his life like that! So he throws a brick at Scruff. (Attack a lady? Perish the thought! To this day we seem squeamish to inflict physical harm on the female form. I like to think we’ve gotten a little better at offering slapstick to all genders.) Scruff gives chase and only now does someone become aware of the noise, and sends a rolling pin their way. We get a very nice shot of the two rolling over telephone wires, whilst hanging onto the handles with their tails. (This is exactly what I look for in animation!)

Soon the chase leads into a doghouse, and the angry occupant chases both of the felines. He’s pretty tame as far as dogs should be with cats, he doesn’t even kill them. (But I suppose hitting them in the face is worth a “you tried.”) And as for that lady cat? She already upgraded again. (Her new boyfriend has a hat!) And since cats have the fastest gestation periods of all mammals, they already have had several kittens together.

(Okay, I admit it. Women aren’t the only ones who are constantly looking for someone better. Men do too. But probably not all men. I’m sure if I had a girlfriend, I’d be loyal. Interested, ladies?)

Personal Rating: 2

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I Like Mountain Music

“Rooty-toot-toot.”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x76gsey

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Larry Martin; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on June 13, 1933.

Another short that is putting words in my mouth! So, do I like mountain music? Sure. Especially if it’s Splash Mountain music. (Say what you will about the film, but “Song of the South” had some kick butt songs. Well worthy of the Oscar.)

While not the first “things coming to life while people are away” picture, it is the first one taking place in magazines. (A theme that would be re-explored in “Speaking of the Weather.”) For whatever reason, the magazines decided to wait until 5 in the morning to start partying. (Guess they wanted to make sure the coast was clear.) A cowboy shoots his way out of a western thriller, and has his posse play our titular song as he dances. All the other magazines clap.

An ice skater gets off of her dance magazine to skate on a mirror. And has talcum used as snow, making this the first time that gag was ever used in a cartoon. (Possibly. I wouldn’t be surprised if cro-magnons did the same thing when they were dying of heat stroke. The gag is that old.) Other magazines add their own music to the party. Babies shake rattles, and racist stereotypes clap their oversized lips. (Think you got your stereotypes mixed up here, guys. It’s Tribal Africans that have lips that would make a whale swoon. Their magazine says Asia. Asians have eyes thinner than a needles, and teeth on loan from radioactive beavers. Oh wait, no one has ever had that in the history of the world, and we should all be ashamed for ever thinking displaying that was okay. No censoring. We need to LEARN!)

Is there any actual mountain music in this? No, but there is yodeling. One young lady is nice enough to humor the yodeler as the title theme is sung once more. We’re running out of time, but let’s try and have a conflict too. Three criminals come out of some crime stories and head towards the cash register. (They are being followed by two detectives, but they don’t actually contribute anything to the story. They disappear before the climax even begins.) The crooks pour some lighter fluid into a seltzer bottle, and after igniting it, they have a handy blowtorch to get in the money. But when they are spied by Edward Robinson, they try to run for it, with the rest of the print people fighting against them. Firing gumballs and pins at them. (It’s nice to see Mussolini even lending a hand.)

The boss tries to hide in a screenplay magazine, but finds its inhabitant is a giant ape named Ping Pong! (Actually, he really isn’t all that giant. Especially if we remember he is a printed ad. But he is rather large next to the thief.) Said thief tries to hide in a empty glass, but the ape delights in pouring razzberry soda on him. (Don’t expect fruity goodness. It tastes like spit.) And the character bidding us farewell? He didn’t appear in this short. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say he’s from “The Shanty where Santy Claus lives.”

Personal Rating: 2

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I Love a Parade

“Open! Open!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Tom McKimson; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on August 6, 1932.

Don’t we all love parades? To be honest, I never really did. They were always too loud. Way too many sirens blaring, and music assaulting my tender eardrums. All I ever wanted to see was the horses. (I love horses.) Even the candy they sometimes threw didn’t placate me. (Couldn’t enjoy it. Everyone turned into barbarians and were willing to kill for tootsie rolls that were getting crushed under wheels and coated in horse crap.) However, if this short is any indication, parades are only fun to watch at circuses.

I spoke too soon. That clown on the title card is terrifying! I feel him eating my soul. Good thing he doesn’t actually appear in the short. (And if he does, I’ve successfully suppressed that memory. And it will stay that way.) The crowd of transparent ghost animals loves the fun times that are going on here. Or maybe, they just get a kick out of seeing Mickey Mouse clone #219 being part of it. He is holding a drum that a lion is beating. A little too hard, as he breaks a hole in it. He solves his musical problem the way Toons in the thirties did: by hurting another animal. In this case: shoving the drum inside of a dog.

We also have another one of those confusing type jokes: even though we just saw a lion being treated as an equal member of the parade, the next one is locked in a cage. (Until the driver of the vehicle said cage is one enters a pipe. Upon exiting, they’ve switched.) With all this fun and more that I’m not mentioning so you actually have a reason to watch the film, who could possibly not enjoy a parade? Answer: the street cleaner following the elephants. (Subtle toilet humor. My favorite kind!)

What kind of sideshow attractions does this circus have? A rubber man who can become a tire! (He can also strum his nose, but that’s not as impressive. I saw Bosko do that in his first cartoon.) Some Siamese pig twins. (Conjoined will never sound as cool) They do the classic gag of one head smoking, and the other exhaling. A tattooed man with several tattoos. (Which is commonplace nowadays. For both genders. Shame, too. Women are far less sexy when they have ink under their skin) Speaking of women, one (who I guess is the show’s fat lady. Also rather commonplace today. For both genders, again.) is tickled by a child’s noisemaker. He hides just as she turns to see the tattoo guy making a groping motion to make his art move. (Bad timing.) We even have a skinny guy! Ghandi?  (It’s not that offensive. If you starved yourself, you’d be in the circus too.)

Another classic gag is the fat hippo lady. We have one here who is riding on a horse. (Who has a rattlesnake rattle on its hind quarters) The two switch places. We also see a mouse on a bike on an elephant. (Clearly, this is Mickey Mouse clone #76.) Speaking of other studio’s characters being in this show, I think that tightrope walker is Oswald’s girlfriend, Ortensia. And the short ends with not much of an ending gag. After a lion (also in a cage. How did that first one get such great treatment?) and his tamer put their heads in each other’s mouths. He has a flea problem, and solves it by removing his teeth and scratching himself with them. (Do I love a parade? Not really, but I do think this short is much more enjoyable to watch.)

Personal Rating: 1

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The Dish ran away with the Spoon

“YODLELAYEEHOO!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Bob McKimson; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on September 24, 1933.

Our short of the day takes place in a bake shop. (Is that any different than a bakery?) The dishes and silverware inside are alive and having a grand time playing in the sink. Not only is it fun, but it is essential for keeping one’s self clean. Some use seltzer for a shower, and a toaster is a great way to dry off.

But this kitchen is kinda weird. Not because the stuff is alive, but because some of it isn’t. One spoon is used as an oar, and others are used as piano keys. Are they just the mentally slow ones? Or perhaps repeated use by humans has killed them. Playing with corpses is kind of macabre, but I suppose since none of these guys have literal hearts, there is no harm in it.

One spoon in particular is proposing to a dish in particular. (Guys love curves, and boy, does she have them!) I’m going to call these two Cutlery and China. I don’t hear a yes out of that plate, but since she is already thinking about children, I guess it is safe to assume she’s all for this. Cutlery is so happy, he starts playing some music. Several food items are also alive and join in the party. Which must get pretty awkward at some points. (Whisk: Hey Egg! I haven’t seen you in ages! What’s new?” Egg: “How could you forget? You beat my brother’s innards together the other day.” Whisk: …. “How’s your sister?”)

A blob of dough is also alive. He is horrifying. He looks like one of the pink elephants on parade if it was melting. But surely he just LOOKS evil. He wouldn’t do anything bad would he? Sure he would. He mixes up a little snack of yeast water and grows. Then, as large monsters are prone to do, he tries to steal a woman. (And on her wedding day no less.) Cutlery and the cavalry to the rescue! Spatulas are catapults, the doughboy gets some cheese graters to the groin (freaking ouch!) and is flattened by a rolling pin. With no depth to keep him standing, he stumbles into a fan which distributes his body into several different tins. Ready for baking! (Because “If you must eat em, don’t join em.”)

Personal Rating: 3

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Shuffle Off to Buffalo

“What a man!”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Paul Smith; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on July 8, 1933.

Did you ever wonder where babies come from? What? You mean the only people who visit this site already know very well the answer to that question and have known for several years? Well, you were lied to. Babies are stored in some building that is not explicitly stated to be heaven, and are delivered by storks. (If the stork gets hungry and eats its cargo on the way to the new parents, that is called a “miscarriage.”

The person in charge is some god/father time looking guy. (I’m calling him Tony) He answers the phones and reads letters that people send asking for children. Having a baby is just like writing to Santa! Only, it takes nine months to deliver. (A nice bit of continuity, the letter is dated as July, 1933.) Wherever there are people, there are those who want children. (I can’t fathom why. They are such noisy things) A letter from Mr. and Mrs. Nanook of the north want some twins, so he pulls a couple of Inuits from the freezer. And yes, they look as racially insensitive as they could be drawn. (Except for their feet. At one point they are white. Trying to make a master race, Tony?)

The next letter in written in Hebrew. Seeing as how Tony can’t make it out, I guess that rules him out as being god. Nothing to worry about, though. All he has to do is send the letter to the stock room, and the ideal child will be chosen. (Said child and Tony himself are voiced by Johnny Murray. The same guy supplying Bosko’s voice) They sing our title song and are joined by several of the babies that I guess are just in storage. (Which means that unless someone specifically chooses them, they aren’t ever leaving this place.)

But it’s not the end of the world is you are trapped forever in this state of unbirth. You’ll just get a job as one of the gnomes who are helping to care for the babies. Step one: toss them in a washing machine. (Breaking character for a bit to point out that I know very well this is not an accurate depiction of where babies come from. With that said, don’t worry about the babies in the bathwater. Being in a warm, wet, place that you can’t escape from right away? Sounds like being in a womb to me)

Where was I? Oh yes! Dry the babies and sprinkle on plenty of talcum powder. Then, put on the 1930’s version of the disposable diaper: a paper towel. And staple it shut. And if one of the babies needs changing? Just throw them back in the wash. Don’t pay any attention to their sudden loss of hair.) Finally, before tucking them into bed, feed them some of our special seal milk. (It’s gotta be. Look how fast they chub out.)

So now that you know the basics, you’re ready for some on hands experience. Here’s your situation: all the babies are crying. What do they want? Isn’t it obvious? They want Eddie Cantor. (Yeah, why not?) What do you do?

A. Go find the guy and get him to perform

B. Dress up like the guy and perform

C. Ignore them. They are such noisy things.

D. Don’t worry about it. The guy actually works here.

The correct answer is the same one it always is when someone online makes a multiple choice question: D. Cantor performs, but the kids are hypocritical a-holes. Despite clearly asking for him, they criticize him once he sings. Not even his Ed Wynn impression wins them over. Instead, the racially insensitive Asian baby just shows off racially insensitive blackface babies. But I suppose it’s okay. After all, they aren’t crying anymore. They play, fight and join Cantor in his piano playing as the short comes to a close. But not before one more baby says “so long” to us. AWWWWW! That was pretty cute! I’m convinced. I want children now. 7.6,000,000,000 clearly isn’t enough people. We’ve got to try harder. Write Tony today!

Personal Rating: 3