Category: Merrie Melodies

Cartoons that were labeled as such.

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A Gander at Mother Goose

“Remember Little Hiawatha and his bow and arrow?”

They’re just a bunch of foney’s.

Supervision by Fred Avery; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Charles McKimson; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Technical Advisor; Mother Goose. Released in 1940.

Sing a song of 10 cents, A.K.A. a dime. I felt it best to make another post, entirely in rhyme. Nursery rhymes are what our featured short is all about. So let’s not waste any more time, and just go check it out.

Mistress Mary, quite contrary, how does her garden grow? Not so well is what methinks. “Confidentially, it stinks.”

Humpty Dumpty sits on a wall, and soon poor Humpty takes a great fall. But he lands just fine; sees no drawback. (Unaware that we can see his “crack”.)

Jack and Jill climb a up hill to fill their little pail. Jack should now come falling down, but not this version’s tale. “To heck with the water” he doth speak, with lipstick markings on his cheek.

Miss Muffet sits on her tuffet, eating curds and whey, when a spider comes down beside her, to frighten the girl away. (Why does he have three legs on each of his spidery limbs?) But Muffet’s just so ugly that it’s she that frightens him.

The three little pigs are all on the run. (They could be Porky’s nephews, but he already has one.) They hide in a brick house, away from the wolf’s hungry jaws, (Yes, this isn’t a nursery rhyme. That’s the short’s biggest flaw.) They surrender to the lupine who’s wishing their death. But only because he’s got terrible breath. They offer him mouthwash. (That’s got to sting) He takes it. “Why don’t my friends tell me these things?”

Star of light, star so bright, a dog wishes on a star at night. His wish comes true. What could it be? Well he IS a dog. He wished for a tree.

Jack is nimble and Jack is quick, he jumps over a candlestick. It’s basically the same as the Humpty joke, just with burning butt rather than yolk.

There is an old lady who lives in a shoe, she has so many children, what can she do? She does have a husband, but he’s not there. He’s off relaxing in a lawn chair.

Finally, “‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring,” except for a mouse. “Merry Christmas” he whispers to his mouse friend, “QUIET!” he shouts. And thus the short ends.

Personal Rating: 3

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Tweety and the Beanstalk

“Acres and acres of Tweety Bird!”

His, you understand? His! All His!

Directed by Friz Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Virgil Ross, Gerry Chiniquy, and Art Davis; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Film Editor: Treg brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc. (Uncredited: June Foray); Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. Released in 1957.

This short doesn’t bother with any kind of cow, it cuts straight to Jack’s mother’s angry shouts about him giving up a whole cow for five beans. (At least he got five, most stories I’ve heard have him getting three.) Regardless, she throws them out where they land underneath a sleeping Sylvester. Only one grows, (well, there is only one stalk) and takes him and his bed up into the clouds coming to a rest on some land in the sky. (I’ve always wondered about that too. Why is there more land in the sky? Is it another planet? The moon from Majora’s Mask? Angel Island from Sonic?)

Waking up, the cat walks off and finds a castle. Ignoring most sentient being’s reactions to run away, he heads on over. He finds a treasure worth way more than a goose: A King-sized Canary! He wastes no time in grabbing the creature that’s roughly his size. Tweety doesn’t fight back. Then again, if I was being carried off by a cat that was as tall as me, I’d probably be in shock too. Before he can dig in, Tweety’s giant owner comes back and Sylvester is forced to flee. The giant puts his bird back in his cage and hangs it from the ceiling. So does he know that something was trying to hurt his bird? It’s not like putting Tweety up higher will keep him any safer from getting out.

Sylvester begins planning to get his meal, barely avoiding waking a giant bulldog in the process. He casts a fishing line over a rafter and ties the other end to his tail. It seems to work, but the line comes undone and he crashes to the floor. Somehow, this wakes up the dog. (I just don’t think Sylvester would make such a loud noise.) Sylvester hides in a mouse hole but leaves upon seeing a kangaroo. Oh, no. It’s actually a giant mouse. I always get the two mixed up. He tricks the dog into another room before retrying. Tying a screwdriver to a pole he manages to unscrew the bottom of the cage, but is flattened; Tweety staying safe on his swing.

He tries riding a champagne cork up, but mis-aims and gets stuck in a hole in the ceiling. He jumps on it but lands both of them in a gun which fires them both back into a hole. He finds a saw that’s his size up there. (I guess Jack never made it out in this version) and cutting a hole in the cork, he lowers himself down via a similar sized rope, but the dog somehow came back and slams him between some cymbals. Recovering, he tricks the dog into the other room again. He sets up a catapult or rahter, a cat-apult, (It’s an old joke, but it’s okay to laugh) made of a spatula and an apple. It actually works and he grabs the bird, but the apple lands on him and if that’s not bad enough, the giant comes back.

He chases after the cat. Any pet owner would do the same. Climbing down the beanstalk Sylvester gets an axe and chops the stalk down. The giant lands on him though, and the shock sends the cat through the earth and down to china. (No matter where you dig in fiction, you will end up in China.) There he is spied by a racially insensitive Chinese Tweety. Well at least he’s not too bad; just slanty eyes and a coolie hat. At least they didn’t give him buck teeth. Or a buck beak I guess.

Personal Rating: 3

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Tom Thumb in Trouble

“You’re so little and helpless.”

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Rich Hogan; Animation by Robert Cannon; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1940.

For quite awhile, Warner Bros. would attempt to win the audience by doing what Disney was. As soon as they got their gag-filled style however, they gave up on that. This was their last try and it is probably the most Disney a W.B. short was. So as such, I’ll be making as many Disney references as I can.

I hope you don’t like backstory, as there is none. A wood chopper has a son who is small as a thumb. Thus earning him his name: Tom. I don’t know how this all happened. There’s no mom in this story. Maybe his dad just wished upon a star and his dreams came true in a cruel fashion. Tom, (voiced by Marjorie Tarlton) is too small to shut their alarm clock off, but his dad doesn’t mind and is quite all right turning it off himself. Being so small, Tom bathes in the water his father has cupped in his hands. (Well, I shouldn’t say bathe, so much as dunk.)

Getting dressed, the two sit down to breakfast. Afterwards the father (voiced by Shepperd Strudrik) hi ho’s as off to work he goes. Leaving Tom behind to do the dishes. At least he doesn’t mind. He happily sings as he works. (He’d whistle, but that might get him sued.) At least his song is original. But he carelessly steps on a bar of soap and lands in a tub of sudsy water. (Which doesn’t ripple or anything while he’s in it. Maybe it’s soap mud?) Good thing there is a friendly bird outside. Although Tom is not singing like the birdies sing, it understands that he needs help and crashes in through the window. (Either a very weak window, or a very strong bird.)

This noise does alert his father though, and he slowly starts home. He does pick up speed, but if my only child was home alone and I heard a window break, I’d run the whole way. The bird gets him out but at the worst possible time, daddy gets home. He sees a broken window, and a potentially bloodthirsty bird standing over his unconscious son. That’s enough evidence for him. Screw the circle of life! The bird is a savage! He’s barely even human! It flies away narrowly escaping dad’s grasp. He apologizes for leaving Tom alone and assures him that everything is all right.

Despite Tom’s lack of consciousness earlier (in other words, he didn’t let his conscious be his guide) he knows that the bird saved him. His dad won’t listen though and tucks him into bed. But later that night, Tom leaves the house leaving a note explaining to his dad everything. Despite the fierce snow, he heads on. He wants the bird to be part of his world. When his dad wakes up he yells for Tom, but doesn’t really bother going to look for him. (Well, it’s frozen outside. Let it go.) But his yelling does manage to wake the bird who flies out to look for the lad.

Despite the fact he’s not an owl and should have a pretty hard time finding him, he finds him immediately and gives him a lift home. I’ve seen a peanut stand, heard a rubber band, and seen a needle wink its eye. But I’ve never seen a Tom fly. The father cries his eyes out until the two return safe and sound. Now that everyone is back home safe and sound, they all go to sleep. The little bird nesting in Dad’s beard. It’s a tale as old as time, a song as old as rhyme: Beardy and the beast.

Personal Rating: 2. At least it looks nice.

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The Turn-tale Wolf

“How I dread passing the houses of them three, mean, little pigs.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Phil DeLara, Charles McKimson, Herman Cohen, and Rod Scribner; Layouts by Peter Alvarado; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1952.

School is out for the day and a young wolf (Blanc doing his Sylvester Jr. voice,) heads home angrily. Once there, he calls his uncle out for blowing down the houses of pigs. Seems they learned all about him in school today. (His uncle also clearly has a picture of a topless woman pinned to his wall. I don’t like it when wolves are attracted to humans. It makes my brain throw up.) Uncle Big Bad claims he is innocent and the story is all backwards. He sets his nephew down to listen to his side of the tale. (Speaking of tails, why doesn’t his poke out of his pants? Isn’t that uncomfortable?)

When the wolf was a younger wolf (and now his tails clearly pokes out? Suspicious!) he loved to commune with nature. But he always had to pass the homes of three rude pigs. Look familiar? Those are the same guys who sold Bugs their houses to avoid wolf attacks. Only now they dress like Huey, Dewey and Louie, whereas the third one wore yellow before. (Which was actually those ducks original color set. I’m getting off topic. The bottom line is these pigs shall henceforth have the same names. I’m sure it’s obvious who gets which moniker, but I’ll spell it out for those of you who are uneducated in the tooniverse. Blue pig=Huey, Green pig=Dewey, and Red pig=Louie.)

He has every right to dislike them as the mean little pork chops slingshot him whenever he passes. But today, Louie suggests that they actually let the wolf play with them. (Giving his confused companions a wink.) They even let the wolf use their biggest slingshot and offer to load it for him. He gets a boulder in the face. According to Big Bad, he didn’t “moidalize” them for this joke, but actually cried. For being a good sport, the pigs decide he can play another game of theirs called “Surprise! Surprise!” All he had to do was put his hands behind his back where they will put an unknown gift. He can look when they tell him to. He gets a firecracker. (Well, he was surprised.)

As he goes on, he tells his nephew that he continued playing with the pigs. One day while playing a friendly game of “Swat the Fly” (Rule 1: All non-pigs get beaten with paddles by pigs. Rule 2: All non-pigs forfeit the game if they play by the rules.) they see a sign advertising a bounty on wolves. Specifically, their tails. He has a right to be nervous as his new pals are staring at his butt with dollar signs in their eyes. (At least they’re not horny?) They deny that they would have any desire to rip off his tail as he’s there friend. In fact, they want him to be the king for the day! They have a throne set up and everything! Sitting down, he pulls a bell rope at the pigs suggestion to let his proclamation ring. In actuality, it’s connected to a guillotine blade and the wolf just barely keeps his tail intact.

With the jig up, the pigs no longer bother hiding their blood lust and chase him back to his house. They blow down his house and with him knocked out under the rubble, they advance with a crazy look in their eyes. The nephew, upon hearing all this, doesn’t buy it. The wolf then shows that he was tailless all along! *Haunting laughter as lightning strikes*

(Before the short ends though, he confides to us that he lost it in a swinging door. Keep that ending away from the campfire, pal)

Personal Rating: 3

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The Trial of Mr. Wolf

“I’m innocent. Really, I am. ”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Richard Bickenbach; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1941.

An owl judge is preceding over the titular trial. On one hand we have Miss Red Riding Hood, and on the other, we have the wolf. It looks like it’ll be a one sided trial too, as the jury is nothing but wolves. (And one skunk.) The wolf’s lawyer says that we’ve all hear Red’s side of the story and that we should hear the other side as well. (Besides, Red literally has guilt written all over her face.)

The wolf explains it all started when he was coming home from the pool ha-… Sunday School! He was dressed in Donald Duck’s sailor suit with a pair of Mickey’s pants. (Dyed blue.) He was picking flowers for his mother and communing with nature. Namely a bluebird…that flies like a hummingbird…what? But Red was creeping around and keeping an eye on the wolf and started to pretend to cry. Being such a nice guy, he asks her what the matter is. She claims to have lost her way. The wolf decides to help and pulls out a compass. (Which among Grandma’s house, also can help one find the 3 bears house, the 3 pigs house, and Jack’s house. Which he built, you know.)

But Red just needed the wolf to come along quietly, she has a motorcycle that she uses to get them both there. Good thing the wolf can’t read, as it looks like Grandma is every wolf’s worst nightmare: A FURRY! (No, wait. That’s every wolf’s second worst fear.) A FURRIER! She is having a good time dancing, but upon the duo’s arrival, hides the evidence of her profession and gets in bed. Red wants the wolf to go and comfort her as she’s hungove-…ILL! Yes, she’s quite ill. The wolf goes in to cheer her up. (While Red locks the door.)

Grandma admires the wolf’s beautiful coat, and he admires her giant mallet. Getting wise, he runs for his life, but finds the old woman behind every door with a variety of weapons. When he finds an exit, she bonks his head and wrestles him back in. The wolf finishes his story saying it was a miracle he got out at all. But what’s this? Even though the jury is nothing but wolves, (and one skunk) they aren’t buying his story. He claims that if it’s not true, he hopes to be run over by a streetcar. His wish is immediately granted. Coming out of the rubble, he admits he might have exaggerated just a tad. (The bird gave him away. What was that?)

Personal Rating: 3

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Little Red Wallking Hood

“Gee, but you’re swell!”

Supervision by Fred Avery; Story by Cal Howard; Animation by Irven Spence; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1937. (You know, I always did question the “riding” part of the title)

In this short (which contains backgrounds drawn by colored pencils. Gives it that story book feel.) we see a wolf playing pachinko. Despite his best cheating, he fails. (Don’t feel bad wolf, if “Super Mario Sunshine” has taught me anything, it’s that pachinko is near impossible.) He spies a young girl with a red hood outside and calls upon his inner pervert. (She looks like a kid, so maybe she is one.) He hits on her, but she is not interested and turns her nose up at him. Not looking where he was going, the wolf (voiced by Ted Pierce) gets hit on the head by a stop sign.

After waiting for Egghead to cross the street (and getting hit by a go sign) he resumes his flirtatious ways despite her literal cold shoulder. She tells him off (in her Katherine Hepburn-esque voice) and says that she is going to her grandmothers. Egghead pops up with a sign showing a shortcut, and the wolf drives off. Turns out that favor wasn’t free as the wolf soon sees Egghead hitchhiking up ahead. He speeds past him. At grandma’s, (where we see Egghead just jumped onto the car anyway.) He tries to get in. Grandma was smart enough to lock the door and the wolf can’t get in no matter how hard he tries. (Egghead can get in easily to the wolf’s chagrin.)

He eventually does get in the house and chases the old lady around. She calls a time-out to answer the phone. It’s the grocer and she takes her time listing her groceries. (Gotta love the wolf’s reaction.) After getting some butter and lettuce (and gin) they resume their chase. She hides in the closet and when the wolf catches up, Egghead walks out. (The wolf can only shrug by this point.) Right when he gets her where he wants her, Red shows up. The wolf begs for the stuff he needs to disguise himself with. Funnily enough, she hands it over right away. He hops into bed and the girl walks in.

After they give the usual banter this story has, the wolf tussles with her. (Taking a quick break so a couple of inconsiderate a-holes can sit down in the theater.) Just when the fight starts picking up again, Egghead walks by once more. Having enough, the wolf asks (in his own words) just who the heck this guy is. Egghead responds by smacking him with a mallet. Turns out he was the hero of the short.

Personal Rating: 4

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Little Red Rodent Hood

“What a big, red nose you got!”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Ken Champin, Virgil Ross, Arthur Davis, and Manuel Perez; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1952.

It’s time for little Timmy mouse to go to bed. He may look adorable in his little tobacco sleeping sack, but he’s kind of annoying. (Constantly pestering his grandmother to tell him a story.) She is nice enough to comply and as she regales her tale, Timmy envisions it in his head.

Once, Red Riding Hood was skipping through a field of flowers, (A pattered carpet.) and through a forest of trees. (Chair and table legs.) But lurking in that forest, was a big bad wolf. (Sylvester) He heads off for grandmas house. (Which apparently has a human sized bed.) Weird how Red/Timmy doesn’t go up the stairs which is the shortcut. I guess he is going to climb through the vents? Sylvester dresses up in a nightgown and throws the three other cats out of the bed. And the one offering cigarettes out from under his pillow. (“I don’t sthmoke!”)

Red comes in and enacts the timeless dialogue. Sylvester doesn’t catch him and is forced to give chase. Sliding down the banister, he slips on some butter Red left there and he overshoots his goal, ending up outside. Since he can’t blow the house down, he sticks some T.N.T. into the mail slot. A bulldog was standing right behind it, and is not pleased to find an explosive in his mouth. He forces it into the cat/wolf’s mouth. Dressing in drag, Sylvester claims to be the mouse’s fairy godmother and has come to grant him a wish. (Wielding a cattle prod-esque wand.) The dog sees his ploy and unplugs it before the mouse is tapped. (Why is the magic word “raggmopp?” Is that a reference I’m not getting?) He plugs it back in when Sylvester tries it on himself.

Sylvester does finally manage to catch the mouse under a glass, who in turn draws a curtain (out of nowhere) so the cat can’t see the tank he’ making. After an explosion, the rodent red riding hood hides in his house with Sylvester waiting outside. Timmy begs his grandma to finish the story. She says that Red used a firecracker to blow up the “wolf.” She even demonstrates. Timmy is sure that blew him up. Sylvester confirms this. So was Granny the original Red? Did Sylvester really wait outside her house for maybe three years? (Mouse years, of course.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Holiday for Shoestrings

“*Unintelligible squeaking*!”

You can’t go around painting other people’s tongues!

Direction: I. Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese, Tedd Pierce; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy, Manuel Perez, Ken Champin, and Virgil Ross; Layouts and Backgrounds by Paul Julian, Hawley Pratt; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. Released in 1946.

A fairy tale that everyone seems to know but no one talks about is “The Shoemaker and the Elves” Here’s Warner Bros. take on the tale. (Their first one, anyway.)

Help is wanted at “Jake’s Shoe Repairs.” (These places don’t exist anymore do they?) But no one is coming by and poor old Jake is stuck lying in bed, sick. But wait! Elves seem to be popping out of every possible hiding place. (To “The dance of the Sugarplum Fairy”) They immediately get to work. One elf nails a sole onto a shoe, but it comes back to hit him and knocks all of the nails out of his mouth and just barely missing another. Other elves are using a waffle iron to make golf shoes. (I think that’s what they are. I know fish, not shoes. I can tell you about soles, but not soles.) Another uses a jack to lift up a rejected 4F shoe to a beautiful 1A. All the while, Jake is watching in amazement.

A Stan Laurel elf paints some shoe tongues red. (And accidentally paints the tongue of an Oliver Hardy elf.) Then, to Strauss’s “Tales from the Vienna woods,” (which we heard previously in “A Corny Concerto“) a bunch of big elves (big for elves, anyway) all hammer a nail while taking the occasional break to let a little elf feel like he’s helping with his tiny hammer. They eventually end up flattening him. And two mentally challenged elves try to hit a nail into a shoe, but the one with the hammer hits his partner’s foot, springing back, and ends up hitting himself in the head.

Another tries to button up a boot, (to the “Chinese Dance” from “The Nutrcracker.”) but keeps finding one button left over. (I always hated that kind of thing as a kid.) He does it many times and the only difference is that the extra button seems to end up on different sides of the boot. Eventually he gives up and cuts the extra off. Many elves work on an ugly old boot. (To Chopin’s “Minute Waltz”) and transform it into barely a shoe. (At least it looks pretty.) And the two “speci-elfs”are still trying to get the nail in with no success. One elf uses a pair of razor blades like skates to cut out some insoles.  He ends up falling through the (leather?) into the water below. (There was a mop and bucket underneath.) And then an Indian looking elf charms a shoelace to lace itself up to The Nutcracker’s “Arabian Dance.” (And this part was cut when shown on TV. That’s pathetic.)

Back to the “unique” elves, they finally have an idea. The one with the hammer aims for his partner’s foot this time. He ends up finally hitting the nail much to their joy. And to Strauss’s “Voices of Spring” an elf punches out a design in a shoe. (The “Eat at Joe’s” sign is a nice touch.) And then we get my favorite part from “The Nutcracker,” the “Russian Dance.”  A big elf hits a nail into a shoe and a little one hits it back. They go back and forth a bit before the little one hammers the nail’s sharp end down and hits the big one’s head. Some more hit nails to the music while a couple dance in boots. (That’s not really helping guys.)

Seeing the elves have it all under control, Jake picks up his golf clubs and prepares to leave. I can’t tell if he was faking it all along or not, but I choose to think he was. It’s funnier that way. Unfortunately for him, the elves catch sight as he tries to leave. They pick him up and tuck him back into bed, hammering his sheets down so he can’t leave. As they leave, one little elf takes his clubs and hat as payment.

Personal Rating: 3

Don’t expect a new post on the 15th. I’m going on one last trip before summer vacation ends. And my work schedule has changed, so updates will once again be on Tuesdays

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Foney Fables

“The bad boy of the fairy tales: The boy who cried wolf.”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Animation by Richard Bickenback; Story by Michael Maltese; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1942.

Disney had already parodied Fairy tales wonderfully, (if dated) with “Mother Goose in Hollywood.”, so why wouldn’t W.B. give it a shot?This short consists of nothing but gags, so I hope you weren’t expecting any story.

We begin with Sleeping Beauty (which isn’t a fable by the way.) The prince shakes her awake. Tom Thumb has grown huge thanks to taking Vitamin B-1. The grasshopper and the ant is next. (Which is a fable by the way.) The ant tells the grasshopper that he’ll starve since he didn’t work, (The ant meanwhile will probably work itself to death. Much preferred) but the grasshopper has bought war bonds. Then a boy cries wolf and laughs at the poor schmuck who tries to save him.

Jack runs from a two headed giant, who nearly captures him but has to take a breather because his other head has been sick. A wolf disguises himself with a sheepskin but only finds another disguised wolf, and Aladdin calls for his genie but finds him on strike. The boy is still crying wolf and the narrator tells him to give it a rest. The boy tells him to piss off. A goose is said to lay golden eggs, but now lays aluminum eggs for the war effort. (And is obviously Daffy. Listen to that voice and tell me it’s not Daffy.) Mother Hubbard goes to get her dog a bone, but finds it bare. The dog finds her hidden stash and lets the whole town know she is a hoarder. (This one is a nursery rhyme.)

Then we are treated to “This little piggy.” (Which isn’t even a story!) A thick accented mother plays the game with her infant. And you know how I point out very tiny errors? Well, this one is barely unnoticeable. One of the baby’s leg’s disappears! How’d anyone miss that? Oh yeah, the joke is that the mom accidentally hurts the baby by touching his corn. (Sorry, but I’m not forgetting that leg.) We are about to hear a variation on Cinderella, when the boy starts calling wolf again. The man comes to see (you’d think he would have given up after try #2) but is too late and only finds a wolf picking his teeth.

Personal Rating: 3

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The Bear’s Tale

“Isn’t this where the three bears live?”

Supervision by Fred Avery; Story by J.B. Hardaway; Animation by Rod Scribner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1940.

This short begins by showing us the cast. Papa is played by Papa Bear, Mama is played by Mama Bear, etc. The only exception being that Goldilocks is playing herself. In the beautiful, green, forest, there is a cottage where three bears live. They sit down to their porridge but find it too hot. Papa tries to cool his mouth down with a gulp of water, but drinks from the hot tap. I just want to point out that I love this guy. He won’t stop cracking jokes and laughing heartily at them. It’s Tex Avery voicing the bear, and he’s loving every moment of it.

Deciding to let it cool, the family goes for a ride on a tandem bike for three. (The little bear being forced to do all the pedaling.) While they’re gone, someone else is waltzing through the beautiful, green, forest. It’s little Goldilocks. (Is that her real name?) She comes to a cottage and enters. Whoops! There’s somebody else’s story going on here. A wolf in a bed lets her know that she’s at the wrong place. He sends her on her way, but figures that she is no different from Little Red Riding Hood, and so he takes a taxi to the Bears place to surprise her. (The bears in question, are still biking. Papa is having a grand time pretending to be a siren. Have I mentioned I love this guy?)

Goldilocks gets to the cottage and begins eating. At the same time, Red gets to her location and finds a note from the wolf saying he got tired of waiting for her and went to find food elsewhere. Red phones Goldie, (on her way to the bedroom) and lets her know of the plan. Goldie leaves just as the family returns. They are sad to find their food gone. The wolf sneezes and the trio panics, thinking there is a robber in the premises. Papa tells the two to stay put and he’ll go get the crook. As he climbs the stairs, he laughs once more and tells us he knows full well that there is no robber. He read this story in Reader’s Digest and is prepared to find Goldie. (Okay, it’s official. If I was a gay cartoon bear, I would marry this magnificent creature.)

Imagine his surprise when he finds an angry wolf in the bed instead. Scared, he takes his family and they run off into the sunset. Papa, Mama, and the little bear’s bare behind, behind. (Yes, they end on a butt joke. But I’ll forgive it for the spectacular wonder that is Papa. It’s a shame he never got his own series.)

Personal Rating: 4

Don’t expect a post next week. I will be on a trip. I’ll resume the week after next.