Category: One Shots

No established characters here. Doesn’t necessarily mean that they automatically suck.

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I Like Mountain Music

“Rooty-toot-toot.”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x76gsey

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Larry Martin; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on June 13, 1933.

Another short that is putting words in my mouth! So, do I like mountain music? Sure. Especially if it’s Splash Mountain music. (Say what you will about the film, but “Song of the South” had some kick butt songs. Well worthy of the Oscar.)

While not the first “things coming to life while people are away” picture, it is the first one taking place in magazines. (A theme that would be re-explored in “Speaking of the Weather.”) For whatever reason, the magazines decided to wait until 5 in the morning to start partying. (Guess they wanted to make sure the coast was clear.) A cowboy shoots his way out of a western thriller, and has his posse play our titular song as he dances. All the other magazines clap.

An ice skater gets off of her dance magazine to skate on a mirror. And has talcum used as snow, making this the first time that gag was ever used in a cartoon. (Possibly. I wouldn’t be surprised if cro-magnons did the same thing when they were dying of heat stroke. The gag is that old.) Other magazines add their own music to the party. Babies shake rattles, and racist stereotypes clap their oversized lips. (Think you got your stereotypes mixed up here, guys. It’s Tribal Africans that have lips that would make a whale swoon. Their magazine says Asia. Asians have eyes thinner than a needles, and teeth on loan from radioactive beavers. Oh wait, no one has ever had that in the history of the world, and we should all be ashamed for ever thinking displaying that was okay. No censoring. We need to LEARN!)

Is there any actual mountain music in this? No, but there is yodeling. One young lady is nice enough to humor the yodeler as the title theme is sung once more. We’re running out of time, but let’s try and have a conflict too. Three criminals come out of some crime stories and head towards the cash register. (They are being followed by two detectives, but they don’t actually contribute anything to the story. They disappear before the climax even begins.) The crooks pour some lighter fluid into a seltzer bottle, and after igniting it, they have a handy blowtorch to get in the money. But when they are spied by Edward Robinson, they try to run for it, with the rest of the print people fighting against them. Firing gumballs and pins at them. (It’s nice to see Mussolini even lending a hand.)

The boss tries to hide in a screenplay magazine, but finds its inhabitant is a giant ape named Ping Pong! (Actually, he really isn’t all that giant. Especially if we remember he is a printed ad. But he is rather large next to the thief.) Said thief tries to hide in a empty glass, but the ape delights in pouring razzberry soda on him. (Don’t expect fruity goodness. It tastes like spit.) And the character bidding us farewell? He didn’t appear in this short. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say he’s from “The Shanty where Santy Claus lives.”

Personal Rating: 2

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I Love a Parade

“Open! Open!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Tom McKimson; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on August 6, 1932.

Don’t we all love parades? To be honest, I never really did. They were always too loud. Way too many sirens blaring, and music assaulting my tender eardrums. All I ever wanted to see was the horses. (I love horses.) Even the candy they sometimes threw didn’t placate me. (Couldn’t enjoy it. Everyone turned into barbarians and were willing to kill for tootsie rolls that were getting crushed under wheels and coated in horse crap.) However, if this short is any indication, parades are only fun to watch at circuses.

I spoke too soon. That clown on the title card is terrifying! I feel him eating my soul. Good thing he doesn’t actually appear in the short. (And if he does, I’ve successfully suppressed that memory. And it will stay that way.) The crowd of transparent ghost animals loves the fun times that are going on here. Or maybe, they just get a kick out of seeing Mickey Mouse clone #219 being part of it. He is holding a drum that a lion is beating. A little too hard, as he breaks a hole in it. He solves his musical problem the way Toons in the thirties did: by hurting another animal. In this case: shoving the drum inside of a dog.

We also have another one of those confusing type jokes: even though we just saw a lion being treated as an equal member of the parade, the next one is locked in a cage. (Until the driver of the vehicle said cage is one enters a pipe. Upon exiting, they’ve switched.) With all this fun and more that I’m not mentioning so you actually have a reason to watch the film, who could possibly not enjoy a parade? Answer: the street cleaner following the elephants. (Subtle toilet humor. My favorite kind!)

What kind of sideshow attractions does this circus have? A rubber man who can become a tire! (He can also strum his nose, but that’s not as impressive. I saw Bosko do that in his first cartoon.) Some Siamese pig twins. (Conjoined will never sound as cool) They do the classic gag of one head smoking, and the other exhaling. A tattooed man with several tattoos. (Which is commonplace nowadays. For both genders. Shame, too. Women are far less sexy when they have ink under their skin) Speaking of women, one (who I guess is the show’s fat lady. Also rather commonplace today. For both genders, again.) is tickled by a child’s noisemaker. He hides just as she turns to see the tattoo guy making a groping motion to make his art move. (Bad timing.) We even have a skinny guy! Ghandi?  (It’s not that offensive. If you starved yourself, you’d be in the circus too.)

Another classic gag is the fat hippo lady. We have one here who is riding on a horse. (Who has a rattlesnake rattle on its hind quarters) The two switch places. We also see a mouse on a bike on an elephant. (Clearly, this is Mickey Mouse clone #76.) Speaking of other studio’s characters being in this show, I think that tightrope walker is Oswald’s girlfriend, Ortensia. And the short ends with not much of an ending gag. After a lion (also in a cage. How did that first one get such great treatment?) and his tamer put their heads in each other’s mouths. He has a flea problem, and solves it by removing his teeth and scratching himself with them. (Do I love a parade? Not really, but I do think this short is much more enjoyable to watch.)

Personal Rating: 1

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The Dish ran away with the Spoon

“YODLELAYEEHOO!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Bob McKimson; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on September 24, 1933.

Our short of the day takes place in a bake shop. (Is that any different than a bakery?) The dishes and silverware inside are alive and having a grand time playing in the sink. Not only is it fun, but it is essential for keeping one’s self clean. Some use seltzer for a shower, and a toaster is a great way to dry off.

But this kitchen is kinda weird. Not because the stuff is alive, but because some of it isn’t. One spoon is used as an oar, and others are used as piano keys. Are they just the mentally slow ones? Or perhaps repeated use by humans has killed them. Playing with corpses is kind of macabre, but I suppose since none of these guys have literal hearts, there is no harm in it.

One spoon in particular is proposing to a dish in particular. (Guys love curves, and boy, does she have them!) I’m going to call these two Cutlery and China. I don’t hear a yes out of that plate, but since she is already thinking about children, I guess it is safe to assume she’s all for this. Cutlery is so happy, he starts playing some music. Several food items are also alive and join in the party. Which must get pretty awkward at some points. (Whisk: Hey Egg! I haven’t seen you in ages! What’s new?” Egg: “How could you forget? You beat my brother’s innards together the other day.” Whisk: …. “How’s your sister?”)

A blob of dough is also alive. He is horrifying. He looks like one of the pink elephants on parade if it was melting. But surely he just LOOKS evil. He wouldn’t do anything bad would he? Sure he would. He mixes up a little snack of yeast water and grows. Then, as large monsters are prone to do, he tries to steal a woman. (And on her wedding day no less.) Cutlery and the cavalry to the rescue! Spatulas are catapults, the doughboy gets some cheese graters to the groin (freaking ouch!) and is flattened by a rolling pin. With no depth to keep him standing, he stumbles into a fan which distributes his body into several different tins. Ready for baking! (Because “If you must eat em, don’t join em.”)

Personal Rating: 3

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Shuffle Off to Buffalo

“What a man!”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Paul Smith; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on July 8, 1933.

Did you ever wonder where babies come from? What? You mean the only people who visit this site already know very well the answer to that question and have known for several years? Well, you were lied to. Babies are stored in some building that is not explicitly stated to be heaven, and are delivered by storks. (If the stork gets hungry and eats its cargo on the way to the new parents, that is called a “miscarriage.”

The person in charge is some god/father time looking guy. (I’m calling him Tony) He answers the phones and reads letters that people send asking for children. Having a baby is just like writing to Santa! Only, it takes nine months to deliver. (A nice bit of continuity, the letter is dated as July, 1933.) Wherever there are people, there are those who want children. (I can’t fathom why. They are such noisy things) A letter from Mr. and Mrs. Nanook of the north want some twins, so he pulls a couple of Inuits from the freezer. And yes, they look as racially insensitive as they could be drawn. (Except for their feet. At one point they are white. Trying to make a master race, Tony?)

The next letter in written in Hebrew. Seeing as how Tony can’t make it out, I guess that rules him out as being god. Nothing to worry about, though. All he has to do is send the letter to the stock room, and the ideal child will be chosen. (Said child and Tony himself are voiced by Johnny Murray. The same guy supplying Bosko’s voice) They sing our title song and are joined by several of the babies that I guess are just in storage. (Which means that unless someone specifically chooses them, they aren’t ever leaving this place.)

But it’s not the end of the world is you are trapped forever in this state of unbirth. You’ll just get a job as one of the gnomes who are helping to care for the babies. Step one: toss them in a washing machine. (Breaking character for a bit to point out that I know very well this is not an accurate depiction of where babies come from. With that said, don’t worry about the babies in the bathwater. Being in a warm, wet, place that you can’t escape from right away? Sounds like being in a womb to me)

Where was I? Oh yes! Dry the babies and sprinkle on plenty of talcum powder. Then, put on the 1930’s version of the disposable diaper: a paper towel. And staple it shut. And if one of the babies needs changing? Just throw them back in the wash. Don’t pay any attention to their sudden loss of hair.) Finally, before tucking them into bed, feed them some of our special seal milk. (It’s gotta be. Look how fast they chub out.)

So now that you know the basics, you’re ready for some on hands experience. Here’s your situation: all the babies are crying. What do they want? Isn’t it obvious? They want Eddie Cantor. (Yeah, why not?) What do you do?

A. Go find the guy and get him to perform

B. Dress up like the guy and perform

C. Ignore them. They are such noisy things.

D. Don’t worry about it. The guy actually works here.

The correct answer is the same one it always is when someone online makes a multiple choice question: D. Cantor performs, but the kids are hypocritical a-holes. Despite clearly asking for him, they criticize him once he sings. Not even his Ed Wynn impression wins them over. Instead, the racially insensitive Asian baby just shows off racially insensitive blackface babies. But I suppose it’s okay. After all, they aren’t crying anymore. They play, fight and join Cantor in his piano playing as the short comes to a close. But not before one more baby says “so long” to us. AWWWWW! That was pretty cute! I’m convinced. I want children now. 7.6,000,000,000 clearly isn’t enough people. We’ve got to try harder. Write Tony today!

Personal Rating: 3

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We’re in the Money

“♪We’ve got a lot of what it takes to get along!♪”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Larry Martin; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on August, 26 1933.

It’s night, it’s late, and it’s time to close up the department store. With all humans now vacated from the premises, the merchandise can come to life. Well, they could do that during the day too, but it’d be really awkward. (Either asking to be bought and being refused, or certain products not being aware of their purpose until its too late. I’ll leave it at that, use YOUR imagination for once)

They toys start up some music. You’d think it would be hard to play instruments several sizes larger than you are, but they make it work. Although some of the instruments require more than one of them to play, and in the case of the trombone, they have to use a bike pump to blow the air into it. Hope you enjoy the title tune, they’re playing nothing but for the majority of the short.

The toys aren’t the only ones having fun. Many of the clothes and mannequins also dance to the beat. (As best as they can, seeing as how none of them have complete bodies. By human standards. They aren’t missing any of their parts, despite the lack of limbs. I don’t know where I’m going with this tangent, but it’s nowhere relevant.) Even the coins in the cash registers join in. They have every right to, as in their own words: “They are the money.” One doll plays dress-up and shows her best Mae West impression.

One mannequin actually has a full humanoid body, so he can dance with the best the human race has to offer. (Maybe even top them, as his feet can also function as wheels.) Standing in front of mirrors, he now is part of a quartet to sing the title song. And his talent isn’t limited to dance. He plays every piano in the store. But he gets a little too carried away and crashes into a shelf and getting caught in a avalanche of hat boxes.

(And what if you come to this store but you aren’t “In the money?” Clearly, they mount your severed head as a reminder to those who try to be frugal. Why else are Laurel and Hardy’s heads there?)

Personal Rating: 2

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Hop and Go

“I’m an ath-a-lete all right.”

Supervision by Norman McCabe; Animation by Cal Dalton; Story by Melvin Millar; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on March 27, 1943.

Our short of the week stars a kangaroo voiced by Pinto Colvig of Goofy fame. His name is Claude Hopper. (Which is probably the greatest name ever.) He may sound a little slow, but he’s a good guy and he has reason to brag: he IS the world’s greatest jumper. (And even though he is a male, they felt the need to give him a pouch.) But his boasting is overheard by a couple of rabbits named Andy and Sandy. (They’re easy enough to tell apart. Andy wears a tam o’ shanter and Sandy wears a hat that looks just like it but a different color. Simple.) Don’t know if their pride is hurt, or if they’re just dicks, but they decide to bring the marsupial down a bit. And they plan to do so by challenging him to a long distance hop.

Now, as any zoologist can tell you (and yes, I am “any zoologist”) kangaroo’s outclass rabbits by leaps and bound in leaps and bounds. The two are aware of this, and jump on Claude’s tail. Before he lands, they leap off in front of him, besting his distance by a couple of inches. He empties his non-existent pouch of all extra weight. (Material objects that is. I would have been angered if he had a joey in there) As he prepares to jump, one of the lagomorphs sticks some gum on his tail and cause him to land back on the scrapyard. What’s more, they have the nerve to laugh at his misfortune. Overcome with stress, Claude tries to show his strength by hopping all over the landscape. He ends up in a lake.

The rabbits are kind enough to rescue him and nicer still, offer to help him train to become as skilled as they are. Their method involves launching him from a giant lever with a crate in his…grr… pouch as ballast. Upon dropping a boulder on the other end, Claude is airborne! And boy does he fly! He reaches the kind of altitudes that airplanes fly at. Hours later, he’s still going. He decides to light a match to see where he is, as it is now night. This in turn gets him fired at. Only now does he realize that the crate he has, has dynamite in it. He drops it below just as he lands. Surround by rubble, he feels assured that he is the “champeen” now. His reasoning? He just bombed Tokyo. (Ah, World War II. If you had never happened, this might be considered the most evil punchline of all time.)

Personal Rating: 3

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The Fighting 69th 1/2

“Our objective will be the hot dog!”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Jack Miller; Animation by Gil Turner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on January 18, 1941.

Throughout history there have been many wars. The Civil war, the console war, the game of war, just to name a few. One thing they all have in common is that they were all fought by humankind. But battles aren’t reserved for just people. Sometimes the animal kingdom gets in on the action. Our story begins with a picnic and two colonies of ants. The people who set up the picnic are nowhere to be found, so the ants have free reign over the goodies. It all starts when a red ant and a black ant both lunge for the same olive. There may be plenty of food to go around, but the thought never occurs to them and they declare war on each other. And they ain’t kidding. They’ve got tanks with real caterpillar treads and winged ants to act as bombers. (In case it wasn’t obvious, this short ignores the fact that all of the fighting ants should be female.) A group of reds makes their way to their target. Diving into cheese for cover along the way. When they get what they came for, they are ambushed by the blacks who take it back to their side. (Sadly, the short remembers that it can make a blackface ant joke and does so. Different time periods and all that. At least he only shows up once) The ants are pretty resourceful. Launching a toothpick like a harpoon to catch some peas, (War and peas go so well together you know) and using Limburger cheese as a gas bomb. But in the end, they can’t compete with larger forces, and the battle stalls when a woman comes to take the picnic away. (So I guess she already had eaten before this, but it looked pretty untouched to me. What a waste.) But despite taking it all, she doesn’t take the cake and the ants begin fighting anew. During the scuffle, the generals come to a realization: fighting is what caused them to lose everything in the first place. (Well, most of everything. They did get a few morsels.) A peace conference is declared where they decide to divide the cake equally. Almost. There’s a cherry on top, and each side wants it for themselves. The war reignites.

Personal Rating: 3

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Hollywood Canine Canteen

“I’m a baaad bowwow.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Cal Dalton, Don Williams, and Richard Bickenbach; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on April 20, 1946.

TADA! Welcome to the new and improved Wackyland2! When I said I was cancelling the blog, I just meant that I was giving Squarespace the boot. That place sucked. Here is a lot more space for me to stretch my creative wings. It’s the same great taste, but with a whole new package! With still hundreds of shorts left to address, we’d better get started!

Dogs are some of the greatest animals on the planet! Hollywood seems to think so too. As all the biggest stars (at least of the 1940s) all seem to own one. What’s more, they look a lot like their owners too, making it easy to tell who is who. So what do these dogs do when their owners are out being caricatured in Warner Bros. cartoons? They decide to start a nightclub all their own! And everyone of the canine type is invited! Upon entering, patrons can drop their (fur) coats at the entrance. And one doesn’t need to worry about filling your belly: Dogwood himself is on hand making some tasty bone sandwiches, and cleanup is nothing to worry about. We’ve got Laurel and Hardy’s dogs on cleanup duty. (Our dishes wind up extra clean. Seeing as how Laurel’s pooch, keeps accidentally dropping what he just dried back into the sink.) A young dog tries to call home, but has to wait as there are quite a number ahead of him. Not to worry, there is plenty of entertainment to keep one occupied. Why not listen to Leopold Bowwosky conduct? His musicians are playing the Hungarian Dances. (Taking reading breaks when waiting for their part, and breaking violins when performing their part) But some aren’t taking things too seriously. Lou Costello’s dog can’t be bothered to stay with his instrument and will leave in the middle of a performance to get a drink. (And more amusing than that, acting like a jerk when people tell him to get back to work) He just might ruin the song too, as he’ll mistake any flies on his sheet music for actual notes. And our young friend is still waiting to call. But there’s only one ahead of him now! Some dog’s try to make connections. Bing Crosby’s dog is serenading the pet of Dorothy Lamour. But he can’t quite compete with Frank Sinatra’s dog. (Mostly because the latter’s singing is too irresistible for Bing’s pooch to try and top) With a fresh batch of music (and the occasional box of fleas) everyone is really getting into the dancing groove. Well, almost everyone. Our young friend is finally allowed to call home. Hope his voice is strong enough. Since dog’s can’t use telephones, he has to make do with a megaphone.

Personal Rating: 2

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Fifth Column Mouse

“Did you ever have a feeling that you a-wanted something?”

Supervision by I. Freleng, Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on March 6th, 1943.

Seeing as there’s no cat around, a large gathering of mice are having a grand old time. Singing, skiing, (fake snow) and lounging around. But a cat could come, and it does. (Rubbing his paw on the window to see better, leaves a couple of smudges that make a distinctive hair and mustache) I’m calling him: Dolph. When he enters, most of the rodents flee. But one is captured. (Seeing as how he is larger and gray rather than brown, I think he’s a rat. And with all the symbolism this short provides, that sounds about right.) Seems Dolph has a plan, but he needs the rats help. (His name shall henceforth be: Columbus) Said rat, is initially against the idea, but is easily bribed with cheese. He tells the mice, that the cat simply wants to help. They treat him like a god, and in turn he will keep them safe and well fed. Sounds like a good deal. Can’t possibly see anything backfiring here. The mice agree and appease their new master. But all too soon, Dolph shows his true colors and has a hankering for some mouse. And that does not exclude a rat either. They are all fair game in his eyes. They escape though, and begin a plan to fight back, building a secret weapon in the process. But I’m not above spilling the occasional secret: it’s a mechanical bulldog with extendable teeth. And it works too! Dolph flees and the mice cheer. Columbus tries to play it cool, but still has cheese thrown in his face.

Personal Rating: 3

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The Weakly Reporter

“We love California”

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Ben Washam; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1944. Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Ben Washam; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1944.

With that said, who wants more topical humor from the forties? Hopefully, everyone did because that’s what you’re getting. While Wacky Blackout demonstrated how the country life reacts to the war, now we look at the urban side. (With bridging sequences done in a simple stick figure style, predating UPA by a good six years) With such a large war, automobiles are becoming more scarce. Those still around are frightened at the sight of  a horse-drawn cart. With such few cars, some people take to sharing a vehicle. Some go a “step” further and share shoes. Certain foods are really valuable and are delivered in an armored vehicle. (You laugh, but butter is precious to us Americans. It’s our favorite food!) Speaking of food, that’s a luxury now too. Lovely meat for sale. Only $1.19 for a sniff. (Smells like cow blood. So worth the investment) During these times, hoarders are looked upon with disdain. Unless you’re hoarding bonds. But in all seriousness, many men are now in service. What are the ladies doing? They’re still buying the latest styles. (That welder’s mask is you!) And girdles are now used to help win. The only downside is you can see the difference it makes without them. (Oh, you thought I was talking about a woman wearing it and not a man? That’s the short’s best joke) Ladies are now taking on more jobs. (And the men who are still around love to watch them.) But women fight in the war too. Putting lipstick over their gas masks, and training for fights by brawling over nylon. (How accurate.) Sexist jokes aside, they know what they are doing. When the factories stop, it’s a lady to the rescue! (The machine just needed her to insert a new bobby pin) Yes, we are doing a fine job of producing weapons really fast. So fast in fact, we can get a ship delivered before the champagne bottle finishes its swing.

Personal Rating: 1. So, unless you’re a WWII buff or Looney-tic, I wouldn’t reccomend this one. But if you’re reading this, I figure you’ve got to be one or the other.