Category: One Shots

No established characters here. Doesn’t necessarily mean that they automatically suck.

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The Ducktators

“Tutti frutti and all-a kind of whips cream and a wall-a nuts!”

Supervision by Norman McCabe; Story by Melvin Millar; Animation by John Carey; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1942.

Just want to remind everyone that this comes from a time where the country was at war. So naturally, we Americans made fun of our enemies. (Instead of today where we casually make fun of everyone)

Why do all the poultry in the barnyard have cigars? Seems that a pair of ducks are expecting! Wait, why is their egg black? Unless you’re a fish, I don’t think that’s a healthy color for your egg to have. Well, it may not be dead, but it IS rotten. Out hatches a duckling with a familiar looking mustache. Welcome to the world little Hitler Duck. He grows up quickly enough and seems he hasn’t got quite the right mindset. He gives some speeches to other birds about his ideas for the future. (They sound nice on paper… actually they don’t. He’s evil.) Sadly, some poor souls were taken in by his words. Especially one goose in particular. (He’s not given a name, but he is Italian, so it’s safe to assume we all have given him the same name. You were thinking “Goosalini,” right?) I would also like to note, that this cartoon is not so single minded as to think all “ducks” and “geese” are like this, and it offers an apology to those whose countries names are being tainted by these a-holes. They begin amassing a good number of soldiers. (One of whom, is a black duck from south Germany. Unlike the depictions of Nazis, this guy is still pretty offensive today. I give it a pass due to its time period, but it is still sad it was once considered perfectly acceptable) Not all the birds are agreeing to the way things are going. A dove (naturally) wants things to go in a more peaceful direction. The two leaders agree to a peace conference, but then go and shred the treaty. (Not cool guys. And after you even bothered to hand a banner saying “Peace iss vonderful”) But aren’t we missing someone? Wasn’t there one other enemy we had? And here he is now, Tojo the duck. He tries to label an island as Japanese mandated, but the island was really a turtle and he isn’t quite pleased. He chases the bird to beat him. The duck tries to get out of it by showing off his “I am Chinese” button, but the subtitle saying it was made in Japan doesn’t convince anyone. The gang’s all here, and they begin marching. (By this cartoon’s logic, they’re Italian stepping) The dove tries once more to get them to stop, but they just walk over him. Having enough, the dove begins to fight back. Others join his side, including “Hare-y Colona” and a sign advertising war bonds. They are victorious! Later, the dove, (who has two children named Peace and Quiet) admits that he still hates fighting, but he had to so something to stop those fowl types. And he really gave it to them, he mounted their heads on his wall.

Personal Rating: 3

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Wacky Blackout

“Okay! Lights out!”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Warren Foster; Animtaion by Sid Sutherland; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1942.

In today’s short we will see how animals react to the war. For example a farmer has trained his dog to put out fires. (He’s a Spitz) And milk is and essential part of a soldiers diet, so it is a good thing that this cow gives out 5,000 quarts a day. (or rather we take it from her.) Old Tom is a cat. He has lived through at least three wars so he knows that this one will turn out okay. And next to him is a woodpecker. He knows that it might result in bad things, but he can’t resist giving the cat a peck. Now, when it comes to American holidays, (by that I mean, ones we invented) my favorite is Thanksgiving. Luckily for me, a turkey is busily “gobbling” down food as fast as he can. Unluckily for me, once he learns of my dinner plans, he begins a weight loss program. Next, some turtle eggs are just about to hatch. (But first, that woodpecker pecks Tom again. Remember kids, never peck a pussy.) Yes, well, as I was saying, the eggs begin to hatch. The first two are normal enough, but the last one is convinced he is a jeep. A dog wants some attention from… well, technically speaking, a bitch. (Don’t look at me! That’s the correct term!) But the poor guy is shy. He has to resort to initiating his own blackouts in order to score some make outs. And speaking of blackouts, (wacky and non-wacky) the fireflies are performing a practice one. A turtle that is much older than what we’ve seen thus far is hesitant to go into his shell. He’s afraid of the dark. (Because that’s when dogs get it on. What is wrong with me today?) A mother bird is trying to teach her chick to fly. Does that bird look familiar? It’s Tweety! Or at least a proto-Tweety. He’s got a different voice and a slightly different design, but this is the bird that would become the world’s favorite canary. What’s his gag? He doesn’t want to fly normally, he’d rather be a dive bomber. Speaking of birds, the swallows won’t be returning to Capistrano anytime soon. They are blocked by the fourth interceptor command. But some birds are more loved during the war time. Pigeons for example. One pair in particular produced many offspring during the last war. And though they are quite a bit older this time, they are still as patriotic as a “Draft Horse” (And as for that woodpecker? He pecked Old Tom one time too many and is no longer with us. But he still  is with Tom for at least… 24 hours? How long does it take for a cat to digest a bird?)

Personal Rating: 3

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Rookie Revue

“I’m a baaad general.”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Richard Bickenback; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1941.

For today, we’re going to see how the army lives, so get ready for army related gags! The soldiers snore “You’re in the army now,” but it is time to get up. The guy who is supposed to do that, has a jukebox play it for him. The soldiers fall in. (One of whom looks an awful lot like Elmer.) Of course, being woken up so early, the troops are still asleep even as they march in step. They do perk up once they are supposed to sound off. Mess call is their favorite thing to hear. The infantry eats very sloppily, until they notice they are on camera, they then remember their manners. (They are caricatures of Tex Avery, and executives Henry Binder and Ray Katz.) The machine gunners shovel food into their mouths at high speed, bombers toss food into their mouths, and the suicide squad eat with huge frowns. (If i had to watch that movie, I would frown too.) The calvary’s horses march in step, and the camouflage experts are near invisible. (I can see their guns) Speaking of guns, the soldiers used to be trained by pretending a plank of wood was gun. It was a simpler time. So simple in fact, paratroopers didn’t even get parachutes, and had to settle for a label that said “parachute.” (It’s one of the few times I’m happy with how huge the human population is. We would lose so many soldiers that way) Test pilots amuse themselves, by playing tic-tac-toe with their planes. But the general has no time for such tomfoolery. He is very busy planning coordinates for some gunners to follow. He takes his time calculating before is is ready for them to fire. They do and we find out exactly where those coordinates are: his headquarters. D’oh!

Personal Rating: 3

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Russian Rhapsody

“Silly, isn’t he?”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Lou Lilly; Animation by Rod Scribner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1944. Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Lou Lilly; Animation by Rod Scribner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1944.

One of the hundred greatest Looney Tunes and well worth that title!

Germany isn’t doing so hot these days. (These 1941 days to be precise) All of the planes they send to bomb Moscow are being destroyed mysteriously. Could it possibly be gremlins? It couldn’t be! Not with Disney refusing to allow any cartoons about them being made at the time. Hitler is furious. (And let’s be real here, this is the funniest Hitler to ever exist. He screams, he speaks in random words with a bad German accent, and he moves like a spaz! It’s the only time I can say: “I love this guy!”) He finally decides to just send the finest person Germany has to offer: himself. As he flies to Moscow, (which, did you know, borders Berlin?) it appears that he is not alone. Several gremlins are on board and they sing a hauntingly catchy song. What’s more, they appear to be caricatures of various looney people. Tedd Pierce, Friz Freleng, Chuck Jones, Leon Schleshinger, and the man himself, Bob Clampett. They set to work destroying the plane. A “Tubby” gremlin tries to stab Hitler in the butt, one saws the plane and just barely misses his pal, a adorable teeny one smashes the dials with a hammer, and one unleashes a termiteski to devour the plane. (Unlike termites which eat wood, termiteskis subsist on only the finest of messerschmidts.) One joke that is kinda dated is replacing Hitler’s C card with an A card. (Gas rationing. C is more.) The “Millar” gremlin finally gets Adolf and the fuhrer finally realizes he has company. (Also the little one he talks to is holding a feather, that magically morphs into a hammer) They put his nose in an electrical socket, and the resulting shock turns him into a glowing swastika, skunk, and donkey in that order. He pulls a knife on them, but they scare him with a Stalin mask. (And then the short immediately jumps to him on the floor. I can’t help but wonder if a scene was cut) With him taken care of, the gremlins cut around him and he falls to earth with the plane crushing him. He pops out of the ground to comment on how “Nutzis is the cwaziest peoples.” The gremlins pound him back under his grave where he belongs.

Personal Rating: 4

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I’ve Got to Sing a Torch Song

“One, two, one two. Breathe Deeply!”

Supervision by Tom Palmer; Animation by Jack King; Music by Bernard Brown and Norman Spencer. A Merrie Melody released in 1933.

Once upon a time, there was an invention called the radio. It was THE form of entertainment back in the day. In fact, entire families would do their aerobics in front of it. While others got their exercise in more creative ways like tightening their wife’s girdles or rocking their children to sleep. But there was more than just exercise programs on the radio. Here, many singers who are legends today, got their starts on the radio. Like Cros Bingsby who would sing in the tub to the delight of women everywhere. (This was how many people “viewed” porn before the internet.)

And the radio wasn’t only popular in America. Wherever there were people, there were radios. In Shanghai, the police listened to it to be aware of any crimes being committed. (And tying it into a knot if it disturbed their naps.) Cannibals would tune in to listen to recipes about how to prepare celebrity soup. And even up in the frozen north, the Inuits listen to it while they fished. If they caught a whale by accident, their radio could become lodged in the creature’s blowhole. (They didn’t seem to mind though.) The radio was so popular that people would rather listen to it, than watch scantily clad women dance in front of them!

The title of this post was the name of a song that was sung by many female celebrities at the time, like Greta Garbo and Mae West. Even Lady Liberty couldn’t help but join in. Finally, the time was even told by a man who looked an awful lot like Ed Wynn. But I guess this was when he was much younger as he doesn’t even SOUND like Ed Wynn. Or maybe it could be his father? The entire family looks exactly the same.

Personal Rating: 2

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Eatin’ on the Cuff or the Moth who came to Dinner

“♪ Here comes the groom, straight as a broom. All purtied up with ten cent perfume.♪”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by Virgil Ross; Story by Warren Foster; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1942. (This is Clampett’s last B/W short.)

This short is sung to us by Leo White. (Well, he’s providing the lip movements. It’s Mel doing the actual lines. It’s always Mel.) I’ve heard this is Clampett’s answer to the Disney short “The Moth and the Flame” seeing as how he liked doing a parody of Disney every now and again. It’s also considered one of the top 100 Looney Tunes. Since the plot is in rhyme though…

“Oh, walk with me to the altar.” Said a moth to a honeybee.

“And a happier insect, you shall never, I mean ever, see!”

(Though by all biologic logic, this won’t work, don’t try.)

She loves the Moth and so agrees to give marriage a try.

I like this moth; (whose voice has got that squeaky Mel Blanc style)

I’ll name him Bucky due to his cute little buck toothed smile.

The day of his wedding arrives. (To the bee that I’ll name Rose.)

And as a cartoon moth, his diet’s naught but human clothes.

While passing by a bar, he notes a ton of “pre-war cuffs”.

And though a stop could make him late, he goes to try the stuff.

Now plump and fat, he a’slumps back, to rest his tired nipper.

(He liked the food, but could have done and gone without the zipper.)

But time has passed, and now alas, where is his dear bee bride?

Sitting alone, on steps (alone) and yes, ALONE, she cried.

Seeing the time, he tries his best to take off and head down.

But it seems that this here bar, is part of the wrong town.

Though he may be a fly…er, moth to complex human eyes,

To arthropods of female types I guess he’s quite a prize.

For this moth, who’s sloshed inside, with what he’d call hard cider,

(A tad bit forced, but still) he’s spotted by a hungry spider.

Man-hungry to be precise. A black widow, is she.

Disguised as Veronica Lake, so that her prey won’t flee.

But her nose is quite the turn-off and he’s (a soon) to be married man!

And I guess he’s still too full to fly, since running is his plan.

She trips into a bowl of punch. Time for a trick! This dame

exploits his biggest weakness: he can not resist a flame.

Now gotten what she wanted from a husband hunt and chase,

She lacks eight limbs. Er, no, I mean, she goes back to her place.

Rose heads home too, awash in tears. Wait! That’s her “honey’s” yelp!

And making like a “Bee 19” she flies on in to help.

She brandishes her stinger, and then- wait a minute… what?

What is that that’s now sticking out of the spider’s butt?

Why does she have a stinger too? Tell me, Clampett. Why?

I know it’s a cartoon, but still, it’s such a stupid lie!

We will all ignore that. And the moth’s lack of four wings.

Rose wins of course, because she gives the spidery broad a sting.

“My hero.” says she. “Tweren’t nothing” says he. (Yeah, that’s true. He’s right.

He was hiding under a table, while the ladies had their fight.)

And so they moved into a vest to live happ’ly ever after.

Won’t be long; they’re insects! *Cue uncomfortable laughter*

So Leo ends his story ( and I end my rhyme) but he can’t help but confide to us that he has no idea what that bee saw in that moth. She is cute and sexy and benefits the environment, whereas Bucky is a dope. The moth responds by showing how tough he can really be, and eats Leo’s pants.

Personal Rating: 4

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Señorella and the Glass Hurache

“Size 4 and 5/8.

All the pretty girls in love with Jose.

Directed by Hawley Pratt; Story by John Dunn; Animation by Gerry Chiniquy, Bob Matz, Virgil Ross, and Lee Halpern; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Effects Animation by Harry Love; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc and Tom Holland; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. Released in 1964.

This is the last short that was produced by the old studio before Depatie and Freleng made their own. It features the new opening titles that started with “Now Hear This” and have since become associated with the later shorts.

At Casa de Tacos (IHOT) two guys see an advertisement for this very story. The one on the left has never heard of it, so his compadre fills him in on the sad story. The girl of said story has a pretty crappy life. Not only is she bossed around by her “strap-mother and strap-seesters” but she has to sleep in the fireplace to actually get warm. At least her Disney counterpart got an actual bed!

Her only friends are what the narrator calls bugs, but I don’t because not all insects are bugs. They’re are good “bugs” (Cockroaches who help her with her cleaning. That’s nice of them to go against their nature.) and bad bugs. We’re not told what those are, but they must be parasites as she scratches herself when they are brought up. This could lead them to be fleas (also not bugs) or bedbugs. (Actually bugs!) I’m not too sure which they are though. She doesn’t sleep in a bed, but bedbugs are real bugs and you get a bit of fun wordplay with them. (The bedbugs are badbugs.) Fish aren’t the only animals I know about. But I digress…

A man named Don Miguel (Did Mexico ever have kings at any point? I’ll just say he’s a mayor.) wishes for his son, Jose, to marry. But his son would rather fight bulls all day. So Don flat out states that a fiesta will be held and every eligible senorita will be attending. Well, one won’t be. As all the ladies get prettied up, our titular character looks forward to a night with the cucarachas. But her fairy godmother shows up and turns a cart into a car and the insects into burros. Because she didn’t have anything to turn into fossil fuels, I guess. And not only does she give ‘Ella a smokin’ new outfit, complete with glass huaraches, but plastic surgery too! Why else would her nose change like that? Jose has standards, you know. And she is sent off with the usual midnight curfew.

Jose meanwhile, is not impressed by the army of identical clones and two uggs that dance by. (The rose is this scene really should have been a black outline or something. The petals disappear into the background.) But when our main character comes out he is smitten! They dance until the clock strikes twelve and she dashes off leaving behind one of her shoes. Jose vows to marry whoever fits it! And he’s not shy about letting you know if you aren’t the girl he was looking for. As he has you leave out of the exit labeled “rejects.”

At Casa de titular character, the “strap mother” does not wish for her “strap daughter” to have a chance at wedded bliss, so she dumps her into the pig pen. Jose is saddened to find his mystery mate isn’t here either, but what’s that he see’s out the window? A leg! And it fits the shoe! But could his mystery woman really be a pig? Of course not. That’s something I would put into a cartoon. She is the very same girl he fell in love with. Though her clothes disappeared, her plastic surgery was permanent. (Jose has standards!) They are married and the narrator concludes his story.

But wait! Why was it sad? (Other than cockroaches continuing to be mislabeled as bugs?) Oh that concerns the “strap mother.” Our narrator married her.

Personal Rating: 2. It’s a whimper, not a bang.

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A Gander at Mother Goose

“Remember Little Hiawatha and his bow and arrow?”

They’re just a bunch of foney’s.

Supervision by Fred Avery; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Charles McKimson; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Technical Advisor; Mother Goose. Released in 1940.

Sing a song of 10 cents, A.K.A. a dime. I felt it best to make another post, entirely in rhyme. Nursery rhymes are what our featured short is all about. So let’s not waste any more time, and just go check it out.

Mistress Mary, quite contrary, how does her garden grow? Not so well is what methinks. “Confidentially, it stinks.”

Humpty Dumpty sits on a wall, and soon poor Humpty takes a great fall. But he lands just fine; sees no drawback. (Unaware that we can see his “crack”.)

Jack and Jill climb a up hill to fill their little pail. Jack should now come falling down, but not this version’s tale. “To heck with the water” he doth speak, with lipstick markings on his cheek.

Miss Muffet sits on her tuffet, eating curds and whey, when a spider comes down beside her, to frighten the girl away. (Why does he have three legs on each of his spidery limbs?) But Muffet’s just so ugly that it’s she that frightens him.

The three little pigs are all on the run. (They could be Porky’s nephews, but he already has one.) They hide in a brick house, away from the wolf’s hungry jaws, (Yes, this isn’t a nursery rhyme. That’s the short’s biggest flaw.) They surrender to the lupine who’s wishing their death. But only because he’s got terrible breath. They offer him mouthwash. (That’s got to sting) He takes it. “Why don’t my friends tell me these things?”

Star of light, star so bright, a dog wishes on a star at night. His wish comes true. What could it be? Well he IS a dog. He wished for a tree.

Jack is nimble and Jack is quick, he jumps over a candlestick. It’s basically the same as the Humpty joke, just with burning butt rather than yolk.

There is an old lady who lives in a shoe, she has so many children, what can she do? She does have a husband, but he’s not there. He’s off relaxing in a lawn chair.

Finally, “‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring,” except for a mouse. “Merry Christmas” he whispers to his mouse friend, “QUIET!” he shouts. And thus the short ends.

Personal Rating: 3

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Tom Thumb in Trouble

“You’re so little and helpless.”

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Rich Hogan; Animation by Robert Cannon; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1940.

For quite awhile, Warner Bros. would attempt to win the audience by doing what Disney was. As soon as they got their gag-filled style however, they gave up on that. This was their last try and it is probably the most Disney a W.B. short was. So as such, I’ll be making as many Disney references as I can.

I hope you don’t like backstory, as there is none. A wood chopper has a son who is small as a thumb. Thus earning him his name: Tom. I don’t know how this all happened. There’s no mom in this story. Maybe his dad just wished upon a star and his dreams came true in a cruel fashion. Tom, (voiced by Marjorie Tarlton) is too small to shut their alarm clock off, but his dad doesn’t mind and is quite all right turning it off himself. Being so small, Tom bathes in the water his father has cupped in his hands. (Well, I shouldn’t say bathe, so much as dunk.)

Getting dressed, the two sit down to breakfast. Afterwards the father (voiced by Shepperd Strudrik) hi ho’s as off to work he goes. Leaving Tom behind to do the dishes. At least he doesn’t mind. He happily sings as he works. (He’d whistle, but that might get him sued.) At least his song is original. But he carelessly steps on a bar of soap and lands in a tub of sudsy water. (Which doesn’t ripple or anything while he’s in it. Maybe it’s soap mud?) Good thing there is a friendly bird outside. Although Tom is not singing like the birdies sing, it understands that he needs help and crashes in through the window. (Either a very weak window, or a very strong bird.)

This noise does alert his father though, and he slowly starts home. He does pick up speed, but if my only child was home alone and I heard a window break, I’d run the whole way. The bird gets him out but at the worst possible time, daddy gets home. He sees a broken window, and a potentially bloodthirsty bird standing over his unconscious son. That’s enough evidence for him. Screw the circle of life! The bird is a savage! He’s barely even human! It flies away narrowly escaping dad’s grasp. He apologizes for leaving Tom alone and assures him that everything is all right.

Despite Tom’s lack of consciousness earlier (in other words, he didn’t let his conscious be his guide) he knows that the bird saved him. His dad won’t listen though and tucks him into bed. But later that night, Tom leaves the house leaving a note explaining to his dad everything. Despite the fierce snow, he heads on. He wants the bird to be part of his world. When his dad wakes up he yells for Tom, but doesn’t really bother going to look for him. (Well, it’s frozen outside. Let it go.) But his yelling does manage to wake the bird who flies out to look for the lad.

Despite the fact he’s not an owl and should have a pretty hard time finding him, he finds him immediately and gives him a lift home. I’ve seen a peanut stand, heard a rubber band, and seen a needle wink its eye. But I’ve never seen a Tom fly. The father cries his eyes out until the two return safe and sound. Now that everyone is back home safe and sound, they all go to sleep. The little bird nesting in Dad’s beard. It’s a tale as old as time, a song as old as rhyme: Beardy and the beast.

Personal Rating: 2. At least it looks nice.

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The Trial of Mr. Wolf

“I’m innocent. Really, I am. ”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Richard Bickenbach; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1941.

An owl judge is preceding over the titular trial. On one hand we have Miss Red Riding Hood, and on the other, we have the wolf. It looks like it’ll be a one sided trial too, as the jury is nothing but wolves. (And one skunk.) The wolf’s lawyer says that we’ve all hear Red’s side of the story and that we should hear the other side as well. (Besides, Red literally has guilt written all over her face.)

The wolf explains it all started when he was coming home from the pool ha-… Sunday School! He was dressed in Donald Duck’s sailor suit with a pair of Mickey’s pants. (Dyed blue.) He was picking flowers for his mother and communing with nature. Namely a bluebird…that flies like a hummingbird…what? But Red was creeping around and keeping an eye on the wolf and started to pretend to cry. Being such a nice guy, he asks her what the matter is. She claims to have lost her way. The wolf decides to help and pulls out a compass. (Which among Grandma’s house, also can help one find the 3 bears house, the 3 pigs house, and Jack’s house. Which he built, you know.)

But Red just needed the wolf to come along quietly, she has a motorcycle that she uses to get them both there. Good thing the wolf can’t read, as it looks like Grandma is every wolf’s worst nightmare: A FURRY! (No, wait. That’s every wolf’s second worst fear.) A FURRIER! She is having a good time dancing, but upon the duo’s arrival, hides the evidence of her profession and gets in bed. Red wants the wolf to go and comfort her as she’s hungove-…ILL! Yes, she’s quite ill. The wolf goes in to cheer her up. (While Red locks the door.)

Grandma admires the wolf’s beautiful coat, and he admires her giant mallet. Getting wise, he runs for his life, but finds the old woman behind every door with a variety of weapons. When he finds an exit, she bonks his head and wrestles him back in. The wolf finishes his story saying it was a miracle he got out at all. But what’s this? Even though the jury is nothing but wolves, (and one skunk) they aren’t buying his story. He claims that if it’s not true, he hopes to be run over by a streetcar. His wish is immediately granted. Coming out of the rubble, he admits he might have exaggerated just a tad. (The bird gave him away. What was that?)

Personal Rating: 3