Goofy Groceries

“Gosh, ain’t I repulsive?”

It is winter. (In the short. As I type this, it’s fall.) In the grocery store, the logos of various products come to life. (What a clever idea! Someone should NEVER make a movie based on this concept.)The cow on the contented milk can sings to a case of ‘fullabull’ tobacco. A crab hates the singing, (He has a turtle shell. Why does he have a turtle shell?) and a chicken pie clucks.

A dog gets off of some ‘barker’ dog food to become a barker himself. He tells of a dance provided  by a stick of wiggly gum, and we see a pool of water from a case of ‘u know’ biscuits that some sardines do a water ballet in. (If they didn’t come out of a labeled can, I’d have no idea what they were supposed to be.) Our festivities continue with a tomato soup cancan line. Meanwhile, up on the top shelf, a gorilla breaks out of a box of animal crackers. As we all know, gorillas will attempt to nab any female that is even remotely attractive to them. There are plenty of dames to choose from and he comes down to look.

Seeing the danger, Jack Bunny rides a bottle of horse-radish to confront the ape. He is joined by navy beans, turtle soup tanks, and ginger bread men who use tissues as parachutes. The ape fights back with fireworks. He soon has Bunny cornered. Superguy (of the soap-chips) tries to stop him but is petrified with fear. Can anything stop him? His mother’s call can. Spoofing “The Aldritch Family” he runs home to her. Bunny is so relieved that the ape is gone that he doesn’t realize he still has a lit firecracker until its too late. BOOM!

Personal Rating: 3

Thugs with Dirty Mugs

“I’ll get the killer yet! I’ll send him up!… The rat!”

It’s a cartoon spoof of “Angels with Dirty Faces” and the character Killer Diller is played by Ed. G. Robemsome. He robs the first national bank. Then the second one. Then the third one. This goes on until 13. Seems the killer is superstitious. But that doesn’t stop him, as he goes on to rob 87 banks in one day. The secret agent fails to inform the chief of police of what he’s learned while Killer makes his way up to robbing the 112th national bank.

He goes to the worst national bank (although, I swear he already went there earlier) which contains 225 million assets. The gang goes in and comes out leaving only 2. Killer goes back to get what he missed and fixes the sign for them. That was nice. He is so intimidating that he can rob the operator over the telephone. Back at the hideout he tells his boys that they are next going to rob Mrs. Lotta Jewels house. A man in the audience tries to leave, but Killer makes him sit. Can’t risk him telling the cops.

The police chief meanwhile figures that if he knew where Killer would strike next, he could catch him. The same audience member tips him off, and the popo surprise the gang at the mansion. Killer is sent to jail for his long sentence. Well, it’s not very long (it’s only “I’ve been a naughty boy”) but he’ll be writing it for years to come.

Personal Rating: 4

Speaking of the Weather

“Is everybody happy?”

Around midnight, the magazines in a shop come to life. The radio star plays music before “Radioland” takes over. A beaver from “Outdoor Life” slaps a bass, and “The Dance” starts having a good time. Two boxers dance in “The Ring” and “Child’s Life” applauds. Hugh Herbert enjoys himself too. (Behind him, is a note stating that he was in Coo-Coo Nut Grove. Nice continuity.) Leopold Stickoutski conducts the storm and our title song begins, being joined by some singing tongue sandwiches and lobster/oyster castanets.

Gang magazine robs “Wall Street” but soon confesses to “Confessions”. He is sentenced to Life magazine. He goes to the other magazine nearby (Liberty) and breaks free. Walter Snicthall (Twitchell) alerts everyone, and now everyone is on the alert. The Thin Man and his Dog(world) find him hiding in “Better Babies” and he runs. He is lassoed by “Western Story”, trips over Greta Garbo’s feet and lands in “Twenty thousand years in Sing-Sing”. Hugh laughs at this and the crook drops a globe on him. He then laughs in the same manner Hugh did.

Personal Rating: 2

One Froggy Evening

“*Ribbit*”

(Quick note: I forgot to mention in last week’s entry, that all the voices were done not by Mel Blanc but by Stan Freberg. A rare thing in the Looney Tunes world. At least while Mel was still under contract.)

I’m wearing my Michigan J. Frog shirt today, so it only seems natural that I talk about this cartoon. This Chuck Jones classic starts out at a demolition sight. A building is being torn down and one of the employees finds a box hidden in the ruins. Inside is a wondrous sight to behold! A frog who sings and dances to songs form the early 1900s! (And one that Warner Bros. made up themselves, “The Michigan Rag.” )

Seeing this wonder of nature firsthand, it doesn’t take long for the man’s thoughts to turn to greed. However, when he tries to show it to a talent agency, the frog acts like a normal frog. Croaking, lethargic, (ectotherms don’t do well in unheated boxes) and not about to sing anytime soon. The two get thrown out. So the man rents a theater to show off his new pet. Costing him pretty much everything he owes, so this better be worth it…

The grand opening has no audience until he promises free beer. (Some of those letters are coming off his sign. Couldn’t afford better quality paint) But by the time he gets the curtains open the frog is done, and the man is booed. Now out of money, he is living in the local park. Where someone else finally overhears the frog. Said person is a cop, and he only heard the frog. He didn’t see it. Therefore, he does not believe the man and takes him to a mental hospital.

Later, now having lost everything from his money, home, and sanity, the man sees that the building is getting rebuilt and he leaps at his chance to hide the frog. He finally manages to succeed. 100 years later, another person finds the frog and begins to think of how rich he will potentially be…

Now I have a theory as to why the frog does this. I believe he was created to show people greed is bad. He purposely stops to get them in trouble. Hes the ultimate troll. Or perhaps, it just makes for better comedy.

Personal Rating: 5

The Three Little Bops

“I wish my brother, George, was here.”

Now then, once upon a time,

(Just like the short, this post’s in rhyme.)

Their first tale may have ended, but the three pigs aren’t done,

as now they play awesome music for everyone.

At first, everything seemed like it would be all right,

then the wolf came into the club that night.

But he doesn’t want to eat them, he just shakes their hands.

And poof! Nothing to it! He’s a part their band.

But his music just isn’t to the crowds liking,

so the pigs throw him out, as fast as lightning.

The wolf is mad and blows the place down.

(Does everyone build places of straw in this town?)

The pigs next play in a building made of sticks,

but the wolf comes back for more horn tricks.

He’s cast out again, and again destroys the club,

and the pigs are fed up with the hubbub.

They go to play at a place that is wisely built of bricks,

(which, incidentally was built in 1776)

No wolves are allowed in this here joint,

but the wolf sneaks in at a later point.

His disguises hide his body, but his music still is crap,

so he opts to pull out a TNT trap.

He lights the thing, and starts to run, but it blows him up, and well,

he’s gone and gotten himself stuck down in hell.

But to play cool music, you got to get hot,

and that was one thing the wolf was not.

So via the afterlife he gets to play with the pigs until they’re done,

we end (no “That’s all folks!”) with the new and improved Three little Bops plus one.

Personal Rating: 4

Katnip Kollege

♪”Okay, Mr. Jones you may, recite your history for today.”♪

At the kollege for kats, all the other classes are clearly never in use. (No zoology? That’s unfair. However I guess they ARE animals) The only class that is in session is swingology. From whats going on, it seems that its just normal school but everything is sung. The class recites their history lesson, but one kat is struggling. His name is Johnny and he has no rhythm.

Rather than accepting the fact that everyone has a different talent, the professor makes him sit in a dunce cap until he learns. The rest of the class taunts him, save for the stereotypical hot chick, Kitty. She’s a bit kinder, and tells him that if he could sing then she’d find him attractive. (B*tch. Or whatever the cat version is.)

Later, everyone is having a great time, ‘cept for Johnathan who is still locked up. A ticking clock gives him the inspiration he needs and he runs to join his classmates. He sings a duet with Kitty about how falling in love with her is easier than falling off a log. Then they fall off the log they were on. Hey, at least he got the girl.

Personal Rating: 3

I Love to Singa

“That’s mein… Pop!”

In the forest there lives a bird named Prof. Fritz the owl. He is a teacher of voice, piano, and violin, but the one thing he will not teach and can not tolerate is jazz. At the moment, he is awaiting the birth of his children. When the eggs hatch, one can sing, one can fiddle, and one can play the flute. (I guess it’s true what they say: you can’t fit a piano in an egg.) The last one hatches into our protagonist, Owl Jolson. (Get the reference?) One thing I don’t get is why his voice starts out different, and then changes right away.

His parents are not happy with his life choice, and try to force him to submit to the power of classical music. However, he refuses to give up jazz and his father pretty much disowns him. On his own, he sees many other birds auditioning for Jack Bunny. (A joke will never get old.) The rabbit thinks all of the birds suck, and lets them know with his trapdoor. Jolson’s music is just to his liking though, and he gets first prize ready.

His family hears him on the radio and rushes over. Seeing them, the young owlet switches back to classical, like he’s been conditioned to. The rabbit, no longer enjoying himself, is about to give him the door, when his father bursts in and tells him he can sing whatever he wants. The whole family joins in and Jolson gets his trophy. A happy ending for all!

Personal Rating: 4

Hollywood Steps Out

“50 dollars!?”

It’s a cartoon caricaturing famous Hollywood stars! (And they look rather creepy, I might add. Good thing the impressions are spot on!) Carry Grant buys some cigarettes from Greta Garbo and she uses her shoe to light it. Panning to the right we see a Leon Scheslinger cameo as well as a table set for Blondie and Dagwood, and a fire hydrant for Daisy. (Odd choice.)

Humphrey Bogart, James Cagney, and Geore Raft pitch pennies and Harpo Marx gives Garbo a hot foot. Bing Crosby introduces our musical act as Stokowski composes. Boris Karloff dances stiffly, the 3 stooges poke each other to the beat, and Olliver Hardy dances with 2 women at once. Sally Ran does a bubble dance (She even tosses the bubble up, but we don’t see any nudity, you pervs.) Peter Lorre comments on the beauty of the bubble, and Henry Fonda gets punished by his mother for watching.

The dance ends when Harpo pops the bubble. (Good thing she was wearing a barrel underneath.) This whole time, Clark Gable has been chasing a blonde. He catches her only to find out it was Groucho in drag.

Personal Rating: 3 (unless you are a real film buff who knows who the parodies are today, then it just might reach the 4 tier.)

Have you got any Castles?

“Hear ye, Hear ye, Hear ye.”

In another of the “books coming to life” series of cartoons, we come across a bookshop at midnight. The town crier announces that we are in for a treat as 4 famous literary monsters do a cute little dance. All the characters applaud and cheer while “The Good Earth” prays. Everyone begins to dance and “Green Pastures” sings along with Cab Calloway. A thin man goes to fatten himself at the “white house cookbook”, and the “Little Women” and “Little Men” sing about Old King Cole.

They are joined by the house of “Seven (Clark) Gables” and “Bulldog Drummin.” Louis Pasteur blows himself to “Seventh Heaven” and all the while, Rip Van Winkle is annoyed by lack of sleep. The 3 musketeers sing our title song, but I guess they are the villains as they take “The Seven Keys of Baldpate” and free “The Prisoner of Zenda.” Everyone else starts shooting at them, until Rip, who’s had enough, opens up a hurricane on them all, thus making them “Gone with the Wind.”

Personal Rating: 3

The Dover Boys at Pimento University or the rivals of roquefort hall

“Hark! The Dover Boys.”

I used to think this one was underrated and unknown by extension, but apparently I was (happily) mistaken. The title characters did appear in “Space Jam”, and “Wakkos Wish”. Dan’s hilarious outbursts make wonderful memes (Better than that “chungus” crap That scene was already funny. It didn’t need any help.)

At good old P.U. (Pimento University) the most popular boys are the Dover boys (based on the “Rover Boys” series of books) As we pan over to them, we see a sailor guy. Pay attention to him, we’ll see him again. The boys are going to play hide and seek with THEIR finance Dora Stanpipe. (I guess they are polygamous? I suppose if it’s good enough for them…)

On their way to the park they pass a bar where inside their nemesis Dan Backslide, lurks. He loves Dora…s father’s money and despises the Dover boys. He watches them (and the sailor) walk by, and seethes. During their game, the boys decide to hide in a place where they won’t be found… the bar!

Realizing that Dora is alone, Dan kidnaps her, but Dora (and the sailor) are spotted by the boys and they rush (freeze) to her rescue. While she screams for help, she pummels Dan and soon he is yelling for help too! The boys finally arrive, and only end up knocking themselves out, Dora leaves with the sailor.

P.S. the narrator in this short, is the same narrator who was with Goofy in those “How to” cartoons Disney made

Personal Rating: 4 (But don’t be too surprised if you don’t enjoy it as much as you should be on your first viewing. Like many a work of art, it takes time to be appreciated)