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Wise Quacks

“I’m a poppa four times over!”

Da deuce he said?

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by I. Ellis; Story by Warren Foster; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1939.

Sorry for not posting until later in the day. Things came up, but unless otherwise noted, updates WILL happen every “Tunes-day.” And here’s some news worth celebrating: Daffy’s gonna be a father! (He’s so excited, he’s gone back to that cross-eyed design he had in “The Daffy Doc” It would be used one more time in “Porky’s Last Stand”) His wife is something else all together. Other than looking just like him, save for the pair of glasses on her bill, she sounds a lot like someone trying to imitate Donald Duck and not doing a great job at it. (At least they’re doing better than I would.) I’m calling her Daphne, seeing as how Daffy is married to a Daphne in a later short, and this duck is no Melissa.

The good news is put out in the paper. (Seems a bald eagle is also expecting an heir.) It’s spotted by Porky, who is happy for his old childhood pal. (I wish there was a short where the two of them were kids together. That would have been interesting.) I also love the reaction from the dog Porky tells the news to. A flat “Amazing.” That’s how I would react to someone I didn’t know awaiting kids. While Daffy is excited, he is also nervous and has taken to chugging large amounts of corn juice to steady his nerves. I first saw this short on Cartoon Network, and maybe they left the label off, but I swear that they changed it to maple syrup. That really made me ask questions. I may have only been five at the time, but I knew what being drunk was and I couldn’t figure out why my pancake topping of choice would effect Daffy that way.

Daphne finally gets the ducklings to hatch, by threatening to put her boiling rump on them. They emerge just in time for Porky to come witness the event. One egg has not hatched completely yet. Porky grabs it to keep the unborn from hurting itself and it hatches at last. This duckling is…special. I can’t help but just watch him uncomfortably. He nods his head when saying no, and shakes it when saying yes. He moves his neck around like he’s struggling to hold his head up. It’s a shame too, as he might be the funniest part of the short. Daphne meanwhile, has become aware of her husbands alcohol consumption. (Partly because Daffy bluntly admits it.)

The youngest during this time has just accepted a ride from a strange bird. Maybe he just is playing. Most predators don’t allow their prey to ride on their backs. Despite being up in the sky when he whispers goodbye to his mother, she hears him and begs Daffy to rescue their child. Tipsy he might be, Daffy is not a father to be messed with and catches up to the raptor. He takes his son back, but the bigger bird has friends that are happy to help and they chase Daffy.

The poor duckling is dropped (although this does lead to the best line of the short: “I’m flying.”) With Daphne too busy being hysterical, It’s up to Porky to save the day. (He does of course. Porky is amazing) The raptors chase Daffy back home and lock themselves in with him. Porky gets a club and opens the door to save his pal, but Daffy is in no danger. He’s shared his liquor with the others and they are all happily wasted.

Personal Rating: 3

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Pilgrim Porky

“Heave Ho! Heave Ho! It’s off to sea we go!”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by Norman McCabe; Story by Warren Foster; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1940.

In 1620 Plymouth England, a ship called the Mayflower is all set to head out for the mystical land of America. (I hear it’s full of fat people.) Porky is the captain, because no one would dare die under his command. And so they head out with a song. Not being used to sailing, a few go to the side to empty their stomachs. To the fish, this counts as manna from heaven. An a.b.c. meal from the gods if you will.

Speaking of fish, that’s pretty much all you get to eat on this trip. The cook knows that fresh fish is the best fish, so he dives into the water to catch one. But we got an entire ship of people to feed, so the narrator dismisses his catch as too small and he goes down again. On day two, some flying fish are spotted. (And as a nice subversion on this joke, they are in planes as opposed to just flying.) But the seas are getting dangerous, and a storm rolls in. (Cleverly portrayed as lightning bolts slice a cloud open like a piece of meat) But Porky has god on his side, and they pass right through an otherwise deadly iceberg. The cook meanwhile has found a larger fish. But that still won’t be enough to feed everyone, so back down he goes.

Eventually, they see signs of civilization: the garbage in the water. (That joke will never be dated.) They have found America! It’s still relatively young too, seeing as Lady Liberty is only three years old. (What, did you think she was a gift from the French? Imbecile.) Porky meets with the chief of the Native Americans who hopes they like their land. Oh boy, will we ever! Do you mind scooting over just a few states? We have more on the way. We end with the cook finally finding a fish big enough. Seeing as how he can fit inside its mouth.

Personal Rating: 3

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Gold Diggers of ’49

“YEEOOWHOOPEE!”

Supervision by Fred Avery; (His directorial debut at this studio, in fact.) Animation by Bob Clampett and Charles Jones; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1936.

In the year that the title names, we see a town so poor they have crossed the “Gold” part out of their name, leaving the place known as Ville. But one brave youth dares to go out and dig for the stuff needed to rebuild their economy: Beans the Cat! His girlfriend, Kitty believes in him and rushes home to tell her father the news. Her father is Porky. (This is still Beans’ short, I wasn’t lying last week.) Being so early in Porky’s career, he is really fat. And his voice isn’t sped up. Also, I can’t tell if he’s wearing pants or not. His legs are a different color than his arms here. Plus there’s the fact that he is somehow Kitty’s father. (I guess he adopted?)

But let’s check in on Beans and see how he is doing, shall we? Well, he finds the stuff and alerts the whole town. Porky may love his food, but that won’t stop him from joining in the fun and he joins everyone for a day of digging. I love the cars the people had in 1849. So retro. At their digging spot, we get some pretty dang good gags. (Thank you, Avery. Never stop.) Porky finds a nugget fast, and puts it in his pocket. Reaching into the hole again, he keeps grabbing the same nugget. Beans meanwhile has found a chest. It only contains a book though, titled “How to find gold.” (Which comprises of one sentence: “Dig for it!” Brilliant!)

While everyone digs the honest way, the Billy Bletcher Bandit spies a bag of Porky’s and takes it for his own. Porky must have that bag back and promises Beans Kitty’s hand in marriage if he succeeds. Porky will stay behind and go with him in spirit. Plus, this is a great time to convince Warner Bros. that he is more star material than Beans is. (I mean…he’s too distraught to go!) Beans likes the idea and drives off after the thief. His guns don’t have much effect though, as the crook is wearing an armored butt cover. (“Also known as a “Steel Seat.”) To make matters worse, Bean’s car runs out of fuel. What’s a feline to do? Pour some firewater in the tank!

Properly juiced up, the car is now fast enough to catch up to the burglar and grab him and the bag, turning back to get Porky and heading to his home. He is true to his word and lets Beans get his hands on that puss- …actually, I’m above that joke. Beans in return gives Porky his bag of gold. Gold? Nah, Porky loves his daughter. She’s worth way more than a sack of rocks. That was his lunch bag that was stolen.

Personal Rating: 4

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Porky’s Double Trouble

“Why, you’re not Porky Pig!”

Porky’s (failed) romance.

Supervision by Frank Tashlin; Story by George Manuel; Animation by Joe D’Igalo; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1937.

A criminal has escaped from Alcarazz prison. Its a pig known as the Killer and though he is spotted, he manages to escape. His gang hides out at an abandoned girl’s school and is well aware of their boss’s big break. Just then, an attractive woman shows up claiming to have a message from Killer. The guys waste no time in letting her in. The message is this: “Don’t trust ladies.” Surprise! It was the Killer in drag all along!

He takes a peek at the paper to see his story, and finds something else interesting. Seems Porky has finally been promoted from janitor to bank teller in only 15 years! You may think this is a slow news day, but you’re wrong. Porky is the kind of guy whose birthday should be a national holiday. (What did you do on March 9th?) Killer (whose real name I will guess is Hammy Hog) notices the similarities between the two. Aside from the fact Porky shaves and that I’d be willing to date him if I was gay, they could be identical twins. Killer hatches an idea and fills the others in on it.

The bank that Porky works at meanwhile, is the “Worst National Bank.” He loves his job. The clients are nice, and Petunia the secretary keeps asking him on dates. (Don’t worry. This is the last time she looks so weird. She gets a cute makeover once Clampett takes over.) Porky is shy though, and can’t accept, opting to go have lunch instead. (Food doesn’t judge.) On the way, he sees a lady who is having car trouble. Porky is all around talented and offers to fix it up for her. She in turn kidnaps him. Surprise! It was the Killer in drag all along!

Taking Porky back to the hideout, he steals his clothes and tells of his grand plan. (Don’t freak out. He left Porky’s underwear alone. He’s not a weirdo.)  He’ll keep all the deposits, and once people figure out what is going on, Porky will be the one in trouble. Heading back to the bank, Killer gets in place and happily pockets everyone’s belongings. He even responds to Petunia with a perfect impersonation of Porky. She asks him out again, but not being as shy as Porky (or as charming, or as gentleman like, or…) he just steals a kiss from her. Petunia isn’t dumb and knows at once that this isn’t her beloved Porky. She calls the police while Killer escapes back to his hideout. (If he only kept his hormones in check, he could have kept this going at least until I visited. I don’t fall for fake Porky’s.)

The cops were following close behind though, and they find the place. Exchanging bullets, Porky’s bonds are shot and finding himself free, he begins to kick @$$. (Beating up thugs is no more difficult than fixing cars. You learn a lot from 15 years of janitorial work.) He gets to the killer just as the police and Petunia break in. The cops are not as smart as she is, and can’t tell which pig is which. (Well, to be fair, I wouldn’t think the pig in just his underwear is Porky right away either. He doesn’t do things like that) Petunia can figure it out though.

Asking one of them out, gets another shy response. Petunia however, has become a b*tch again and decides she prefers Killer. Porky proves that he can kiss just as well if not better by giving her one himself. Still preferring the other guy she opts to wait for him. Theory! Petunia’s makeover is no coincidence! Warner Bros. got a new Petunia because Porky deserves it!

Wow, my Porky fanboyism is out of control today. Maybe I should blog about Beans again next week.

Personal Rating: 3

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Scrap Happy Daffy

“What I’d give for a can of spinach now.”

Supervision by Frank Tashlin; Animation by Art Davis; Story by Don Christensen; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1943.

Another one considered to be one of the 100 greatest Looney Tunes. This was also the first cartoon Tashlin directed upon coming back to Warner Bros. after leaving Columbia Studios.

We open on Daffy climbing his giant scrap pile. He’s got plenty of American pride! (And cans whose insides change colors.) Would you like to make your own scrap pile? It’s easy! There is plenty of items you can donate to help the troops, and Daffy is happy to list them all! (Although he will take a quick break to whistle at the bathing suit model painted on his fence.) This will surely get the ire of Hitler. And it does indeed. Daffy’s pile is known the world over and Adolf is furious. He wants that pile destroyed and sends one of his subs to do so.

The sub has a secret weapon. The perfect way to get rid of metal in a cartoon: a goat. (I would like to point out how scientifically inaccurate this is, but I hope you already know it.) The goat happily chows down, but soon comes down with a case of hiccups. A patrolling Daffy hears the noise and attempts to intimidate the intruder, before realizing he’s looking at his reflection. Finding the real source of the noise, he takes pity on the ungulate and mixes him up a hiccup cure. Not long after this, he spies the swastika on the goat’s collar and realizes what it is there for. (And calling it one of the best insults I’ve ever heard: a tin termite. Brilliant.)

The goat tries to strike, but Daffy takes advantage of its moral compass by wearing glasses. (Nazi goats have limits to their cruelties) All too soon though, he loses this protection and is sent flying. He wants to give up, but the apparitions of his ancestors remind him that Americans don’t actually give up. (Did you know Lincoln was a duck? A duck that somehow grew a beard even) Filled with some new found pride, Daffy evolves into: SUPER AMERICAN! (Two references to cartoons from the Fleischer studios based on already existing characters in one Looney Tune? It must be my birthday! No wait, that’s this Sunday.)

With his new abilities, Daffy has the goat running back to the sub. The Nazis fire their cannon at him, but he punches their shots away one by one. With no other alternative, they try to escape. Daffy grabs hold of the sub’s periscope before the screen dissolves to him wrestling with a faucet back at his pile. It was nothing but a dream! However, the goat and Nazis are there too, with their sub now part of Daffy’s collection. They ask to be left out of his next dream. (Spoilsports.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Polar Pals

“♬Singin’ in the ba-bath-t-tu-shower!♬”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by John Carey; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1939.

I bet you didn’t know that Porky once lived at the north pole! The place is so cold, that his alarm clock wears mittens on its hands. After ringing, we see that his polar bear fur covered bed is still alive. Porky doesn’t kill animals, they love him enough to sleep with him. (His heart still belongs to Petunia though, if that picture on his wall is any indication.) After a quick shower, (Yeah, Porky flashes the camera, but he’s already taken. So back away from the screen, girls.) he puts on his clothes and heads outside to join his (polar) pals.

Porky is so loved that some penguins came from all the way on the other side of the globe to hang out with him. That’s the most likely explanation, considering after letters, numbers, and colors, the next thing we teach kids is that penguins and polar bears live at opposite poles! All of the natural wildlife love him! But how do these creatures manage to survive sub-zero temperatures? Simple! They rub noses! The love keeps them warm. (Does the term “Eskimo Kiss” even exist anymore? I’ve always known it, but nowadays no one else seems to.) All the animals live in harmony because of this rule. Except for the penguin who pops a walrus’ nose with its beak. (Friendly though this place may be, it looks a little too cold for me. My idea of winter is turning the air conditioner on in summer.)

There’s danger out there, though. A fur trapper named I. Killem, (I for Ichabod obviously) has his sights set on the creatures. All he can see is fur coats with price tags attached. He fires and the animals try to flee. But he is a pretty good marksmen and manages to get some targets. A penguin loses its shadow to the bullets, and a drunken walrus claims to be fine. (A drink is all it takes to prove that notion wrong.) Killem even mows down penguins like bowling peng-pins. A couple of animals try to take him on with guns of their own. (Porky has trained them well.) But this just gives Killem a group target to aim for, turning them into mounted heads and rugs.

Porky does his best to defend his pals. (Little known fact: Porky started Greenpeace.) His gun may not have the same rapid rate, but it is up to the task. While Killem ducks behind a snowbank, Porky keeps firing at the snow behind him. He chisels out a mallet which clobbers the hunter. Deciding to leave, he finds he can’t as Porky also sunk his ship. So he decides to steal the kayak he just found. Unfortunately for him, he finds it is actually a whale. Finding a blockage in its blowhole, it “blows its nose” and launches Killem away from them all. Porky is so happy that he jumps up and down. This causes him to fall through the ice and freeze solid. Living here is swell, huh?

Personal Rating: 3

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Porky at the Crocadero

“Today… you are a ham!”

Porky, from the north woods.

Supervision by Frank Tashlin; Story by Lew Landsman; Animation by Volney White; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1938.

No relation to the also awesome “Quasi at the Quackadero.” (Wish that was a Looney Tune, so I could blog about it) The Crocadero in question is based on the “Trocadero Ballroom.” Porky is outside and excited to see that many conductors are scheduled to be performing that night. It’s Porky’s dream to be a conductor! (Isn’t a conductor what you do when you can’t play an instrument? Like how a coach can’t play a sport and someone who can’t draw blogs about animation?)

His heroes include Leopold Stokowski, Rudy Vallee, and Benny Goodman. He idolizes them so much, he imitates them all. But there is one thing to dampen his glee: It’s $25.00 for a plate at this place. (Fifty cents more gets you food on the plate.) Porky can’t afford that, so he slumps off. But God is on his side, as Porky finds that the club is hiring and he rushes in. He gets the job because why wouldn’t he? And he begins washing the dishes. His boss is some sort of aquatic mammal. (I’d like to say walrus, but he has too much neck and no tusks, so maybe he’s a sea otter.)

He tells Porky to get his work done, and he just might be able to watch the music as a reward. But there’s a fly in the ointment. Actually, in the kitchen. Porky tries to get it which results in him breaking many dishes. He is fired. (And I begin sharpening my aquatic mammals carving knife.) But God is still on Porky’s side as there are no conductors for the eager crowd and the boss has received a telegram saying that they won’t make it. The boss has a good idea! Get Porky back! His fly swatting did look an awful lot like conducting. He heads out to get him back “Schnell!” (Which, a randomly appearing narrator tells us, means “fast.”)

He catches up to the pig and brings him back. Of course, since the crowd is expecting other people, Porky will have to be in several disguises. Good thing he takes to impersonating his heroes so much! He acts as Paul Whiteman (with some added gut) and gets some jazz going. A penguin waiter (there is no other kind in cartoons) has his drink stolen by a trombone player, and some lesbian kangaroos dance. (They both have pouches!) As Guy Lumbago (Guy Lambardo) Porky has his “Boiled Kanadians” sing “Summer Nights” rather shakily. (The audience dances to the beat.) And as Cob Howlaway (Cab Calloway) Porky puts on some blackface. Which… actually doesn’t look too racist here. Maybe it’s just because I’m a Porky worshiping fanboy, but he looks pretty tame. The lips aren’t too exaggerated and it’s always fun to see Cab referenced. Good work Porky!

He sings Chinatown (even dressing up as a Chinese Stereotype at one point. Less charming.) while the band plays along. A turtle makes his body a banjo, a rabbit plays two pianos at once, (with his paws and ears) and a goat plays his beard when his violin breaks. The penguin waiter meanwhile, (who has been having his drinks stolen throughout the whole time) finally one ups the thief by drinking the drink himself.

Personal Rating: 3 (Unless you really know old conductors. Then it’s a 4.)

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I’ve Got to Sing a Torch Song

“One, two, one two. Breathe Deeply!”

Supervision by Tom Palmer; Animation by Jack King; Music by Bernard Brown and Norman Spencer. A Merrie Melody released in 1933.

Once upon a time, there was an invention called the radio. It was THE form of entertainment back in the day. In fact, entire families would do their aerobics in front of it. While others got their exercise in more creative ways like tightening their wife’s girdles or rocking their children to sleep. But there was more than just exercise programs on the radio. Here, many singers who are legends today, got their starts on the radio. Like Cros Bingsby who would sing in the tub to the delight of women everywhere. (This was how many people “viewed” porn before the internet.)

And the radio wasn’t only popular in America. Wherever there were people, there were radios. In Shanghai, the police listened to it to be aware of any crimes being committed. (And tying it into a knot if it disturbed their naps.) Cannibals would tune in to listen to recipes about how to prepare celebrity soup. And even up in the frozen north, the Inuits listen to it while they fished. If they caught a whale by accident, their radio could become lodged in the creature’s blowhole. (They didn’t seem to mind though.) The radio was so popular that people would rather listen to it, than watch scantily clad women dance in front of them!

The title of this post was the name of a song that was sung by many female celebrities at the time, like Greta Garbo and Mae West. Even Lady Liberty couldn’t help but join in. Finally, the time was even told by a man who looked an awful lot like Ed Wynn. But I guess this was when he was much younger as he doesn’t even SOUND like Ed Wynn. Or maybe it could be his father? The entire family looks exactly the same.

Personal Rating: 2

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Milk and Money

“Things l-look p-p-pretty d-dark, son.”

Gotta get dough for this dodo.

Supervision by Fred Avery; Animation by Charles Jones and Virgil Ross; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1936.

Porky and his dad own a farm. Porky and his dad are both being voiced by Joe Dougherty instead of Mel. No disrespect to Joe, but it really sounds like his stutter is hurting him. I hope he had a nice life after Mel improved upon his performance in every way possible. Things tend to be pretty slow here, and I mean that literally. The horse plods along at a sloth’s pace. Things only really pick up thanks to Hank. He’s a horsefly. (And he looks just like one too! What do you mean, they have six limbs and don’t have horse heads? After last week’s post, I’m just happy to see an insect with the correct number of wings.)

Hank is “hank”ering for a bite of horse butt. (Logic dictates that the horse be named Henry.) Once bitten, Henry tears around the farm and finishes the plowing. But bigger problems are on the way. A one Mr. Viper by name has come to tell them that the farm is being foreclosed unless they can give him the money they owe by tomorrow. He confides to us that he doesn’t think they can do it, before literally slithering back to his horse. (I’ll take that bet.) Porky Sr. is despondent, but Porky offers to go the city and get the money, because he is just such a good boy.

He heads to the “Fuller Water Milk Co.” and applies for a milkman position. Because this is Porky we’re talking about, he is hired right away. However, he is warned that he is not to break one bottle or he will have to be fired. Hank meanwhile, is not happy to find his primary food source is gone. The horse was at least kind enough to leave a note saying where he went, so Hank follows. In the city, Porky is cheerfully making his round unaware of the cats that are stealing his wares. You may think there are two of them, but there is an endless supply. You see, I traveled back in time and am just off screen snapping their necks one by one. Why don’t I try and help my pal? Because that would change the future for the worse. (The last time I did that, Donald Trump ended up as president.)

Hank manages to catch up to the two and gives Henry another bite. The horse runs into a post and breaks up the remainder of the bottles. (Must resist urge to kill Hank! Must…resist…) Heading home, Henry is attracted to some oats at a racetrack and heads in. Good thing it was an empty stall, as no one is there to tell Porky that he’s not supposed to be part of this race. Turns out the prize is $10,000.00 and there’s no joke about not getting all of it this time. If only his horse was a bit faster. Where’s a horsefly when you need one?

Not to worry, Hank has room for seconds and another bite sends Henry around the track so fast, he wins first place. Come the next day, Mr. Viper is gleefully watching the last minute tick by. Where is Porky? He’s coming. He took a little extra time to spend some prize money on a limo for him and Henry. (Even Hank gets a cute little chair.) Porky pays the snake-man his due and although angry, he is at least civil enough to thank the pig. Hank then redeems himself to me by giving Viper a bite. The rich horseflies don’t settle for horse meat.

Personal Rating: 3

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Eatin’ on the Cuff or the Moth who came to Dinner

“♪ Here comes the groom, straight as a broom. All purtied up with ten cent perfume.♪”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by Virgil Ross; Story by Warren Foster; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1942. (This is Clampett’s last B/W short.)

This short is sung to us by Leo White. (Well, he’s providing the lip movements. It’s Mel doing the actual lines. It’s always Mel.) I’ve heard this is Clampett’s answer to the Disney short “The Moth and the Flame” seeing as how he liked doing a parody of Disney every now and again. It’s also considered one of the top 100 Looney Tunes. Since the plot is in rhyme though…

“Oh, walk with me to the altar.” Said a moth to a honeybee.

“And a happier insect, you shall never, I mean ever, see!”

(Though by all biologic logic, this won’t work, don’t try.)

She loves the Moth and so agrees to give marriage a try.

I like this moth; (whose voice has got that squeaky Mel Blanc style)

I’ll name him Bucky due to his cute little buck toothed smile.

The day of his wedding arrives. (To the bee that I’ll name Rose.)

And as a cartoon moth, his diet’s naught but human clothes.

While passing by a bar, he notes a ton of “pre-war cuffs”.

And though a stop could make him late, he goes to try the stuff.

Now plump and fat, he a’slumps back, to rest his tired nipper.

(He liked the food, but could have done and gone without the zipper.)

But time has passed, and now alas, where is his dear bee bride?

Sitting alone, on steps (alone) and yes, ALONE, she cried.

Seeing the time, he tries his best to take off and head down.

But it seems that this here bar, is part of the wrong town.

Though he may be a fly…er, moth to complex human eyes,

To arthropods of female types I guess he’s quite a prize.

For this moth, who’s sloshed inside, with what he’d call hard cider,

(A tad bit forced, but still) he’s spotted by a hungry spider.

Man-hungry to be precise. A black widow, is she.

Disguised as Veronica Lake, so that her prey won’t flee.

But her nose is quite the turn-off and he’s (a soon) to be married man!

And I guess he’s still too full to fly, since running is his plan.

She trips into a bowl of punch. Time for a trick! This dame

exploits his biggest weakness: he can not resist a flame.

Now gotten what she wanted from a husband hunt and chase,

She lacks eight limbs. Er, no, I mean, she goes back to her place.

Rose heads home too, awash in tears. Wait! That’s her “honey’s” yelp!

And making like a “Bee 19” she flies on in to help.

She brandishes her stinger, and then- wait a minute… what?

What is that that’s now sticking out of the spider’s butt?

Why does she have a stinger too? Tell me, Clampett. Why?

I know it’s a cartoon, but still, it’s such a stupid lie!

We will all ignore that. And the moth’s lack of four wings.

Rose wins of course, because she gives the spidery broad a sting.

“My hero.” says she. “Tweren’t nothing” says he. (Yeah, that’s true. He’s right.

He was hiding under a table, while the ladies had their fight.)

And so they moved into a vest to live happ’ly ever after.

Won’t be long; they’re insects! *Cue uncomfortable laughter*

So Leo ends his story ( and I end my rhyme) but he can’t help but confide to us that he has no idea what that bee saw in that moth. She is cute and sexy and benefits the environment, whereas Bucky is a dope. The moth responds by showing how tough he can really be, and eats Leo’s pants.

Personal Rating: 4