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Birth of a Notion

“I have no duck, Leopold.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster. A Looney Tune released in 1947. Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster. A Looney Tune released in 1947.

During the Autumn, ducks tend to fly south to warmer temperatures. Daffy is not like most ducks, and instead has a plan to get himself a warm home for Winter. It all hinges on the bone he’s holding. He leaves it on a house’s porch and calls for the dog that lives there. (I suppose he’s been scouting to find a home with a dog. It’s needed for his plan) The dog prepares to feast on that bone, but Daffy stops him. He claims that the bone is poison and that he saved his life by keeping him from eating it. Leopold, (for that is the dog’s name) is grateful and tells Daffy that in return, he’ll get him anything he can. Daffy requests sharing the house. Leopold doesn’t think his master would like him doing that, but eventually gives in. His master is a familiar face: it’s that scientist that looks like Peter Lorre. (Who from this day forward, shall be known as Pete Lorry) He is working on some sort of experiment that is requiring something he does not have: a duck’s wishbone. Leopold, meanwhile, sticks Daffy in the closet promising to bring him food and water. If Daffy wasn’t Daffy, his plan would have definitely worked, but he’s not one to stay there and naturally leaves. Just in time to overhear Pete tell his dog about his duck loss. Daffy isn’t scared as one usually would be in this situation, but is instead angry. He tries to goad Leopold to join in on the Pete-killing, but the dog is loyal to his master and won’t partake. Daffy throws stuff at Pete’s head and succeeds in hitting him once with a bat, just as Leopold grabs it. Pete is very calm (while breaking the bat into many pieces) and tells Leopold that he will do horrible things to him, should he get hurt. Daffy is not through, and heads into this bedroom with a knife. He takes a stab at taking a stab, but Pete happens to sleep with a shield and is unharmed. But he is now very much aware that there is a duck on the premises. A chase ensures with trapdoors, a door that leads to a countryside speeding by, and arms coming out of the walls. (Intermixed with a shot of Leopold complaining about his “role” in the short. Best joke of the cartoon, right there.) After having many sharp objects thrown at him, Daffy goes for the obvious solution and just leaves. (Who knew it was that easy?) To Leopold’s horror, Pete begins wondering if a dog’s wishbone would work in whatever he’s working on. (Maybe he just wants a wish?) Why is Leopold scared when dogs don’t have wishbones, you ask? Well, clearly Pete won’t figure that out until he’s dug through Leopold’s neck. That’s how mad scientists work. Daffy meanwhile is preparing to try the bone scheme at a different house, but another bird has beaten him to the punch and kicks Daffy away into the sky. Well, it’s easier than flying yourself, so Daffy kicks back and enjoys the ride. (Leopold joining him with fan powered flight)

Personal Rating: 3

Don’t expect a post next week. While I can’t promise that I won’t have time to write one, I also can’t claim to have the time to do it. So for just once in your life, don’t expect the unexpected.

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To Duck…. Or not to Duck

“No rough stuff!”

Supervision by Charles M. Jones; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Robert Cannon; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1943.

Daffy is having a grand time flying as only he would up in the clouds, when he is nearly shot. This leaves an impact shaped like him in the cloud, much to his amusement. He screws around with this for a bit, but he is eventually hit and he goes down. After berating the dog who is retrieving him about not being gentle, (Whose name is Laramore. A name I’ve never heard outside of this short.) he is brought back to the one who shot him: Elmer.

Elmer is pretty polite about things. He apologizes for killing Daffy, at least. But he defends his actions as sport. Daffy quits faking (Oh, come on. Were you really buying it?) and rightfully complains about what a bad example of sport it is. Elmer is armed to the teeth, and Daffy doesn’t have anything but a bullet-proof vest. (“How did that get there?”) He demands that Elmer and him fight in a real sport: boxing. There’s already a ring set up even. (Ducks love boxing you know. How else would there be a full house there already? Clearly, they just sit there constantly waiting for a fight.)

I love the referee at this match. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s voiced by Tex Avery due to all the laughing he does when he is supposed to introduce Elmer. (“You can have him!”) He finally does get Elmer’s name out, and he is promptly booed by the audience. To be fair, Laramore cheers for him but the ducks pelt him with projectiles. When introducing Daffy however, he not only gives him a hug, but addresses him as “Daffy, (Good to his mother) Duck.” Daffy is promptly applauded by the audience. To be fair, Laramore boos him, but the ducks pelt him with projectiles.

The ref. (who would be named Ducky Wheeze in “The Sylvester and Tweety Msyteries”) begins listing all the moves that are not allowed. He even demonstrates them on Elmer. Daffy wants to be absolutely clear on things, so he repeats all of them on Elmer just so he knows they’re illegal. When the fight is ready to begin, the two are ordered to shake hands. Daffy tells Elmer to pick a hand, and Elmer picks the wrong hand. (There was nothing in it.) Daffy is willing to let him try again, and there is something in the other: a mallet that clobbers Elmer.

Ducky starts the match, but Elmer is already out and Daffy is declared the winner! Definitely more fair. Daffy is looking out for all the animals that are unfairly killed. Elmer is a good loser. He doesn’t complain, but he does point out that he thought they weren’t supposed to use certain moves. The moves in question being, the ones he is now using on Daffy and Ducky.

Personal Rating: 4

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Hare Trigger

“I ain’t a-givin’ up without a struggle!”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Manuel Perez, Ken Champin, Virgil Ross, and Gerry Chiniquy;  Layouts and Backgrounds by Paul Julian and Hawley Pratt; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. A Merrie Melody released in 1945.

Happy 4th! There’s nothing more American than a cowboy. So, why not talk about Sam’s first short? (Heck, it was said to be Freleng’s favorite short that had him in it!) This short is full of firsts! It’s Hawley’s first time being credited, and what’s more it’s the first short that gives everyone their due. Leon Scheslinger wasn’t one to let valuable screen time be taken up by a still shot with a bunch of names. But when the studio was sold to the W.B. they were finally given that right.

Bugs is riding a train through the west of America as a piece of mail. (And hiding from his numerous relatives who are trying to piggyback on his film super-stardom.) Sam makes his first appearance trying to hold the train up. (He looks a wee bit different here than in his later appearances. He has a wart or something on his nose, and his mask has less hair surround it, so it is easier to tell it is a mask) The train doesn’t slow down at all. It passes right over him! Sam has to catch up to it on horse. (Which he needs stairs to mount.)

Once on board, he frightens the post man away and begins to load up. (Mail was pretty valuable in the forties.) One piece of mail talks back, so Sam introduces himself as “the meanest, roughest, rip-roaring’est, Edward Everett Horton-est, hombre that ever packed a six-shooter.” (Which is how I would introduce myself if Edward Everett Horton was still well known.) Bugs tells him of a guy in the next car who not only is all that, but packs a seven shooter to boot. Sam goes over to challenge him. (It’s Bugs.)

Sam dares him to draw a gun. Bugs is a pretty talented artist, so it’s no trouble for him. (I love this joke. I’ve pulled it before with cards. Then managed to draw the same card I drew.) Sam is impressed and tries his hand at it. It takes a while, (his efforts brilliantly portrayed with piano notes being off tune) but he manages to draw one which Bugs seems to be genuinely interested in.

“It stinks.”

(Guess not.)

Bugs is chased and he considers heading into a club car, but it’s full of live action people. While toons are definitely allowed in, the prejudice is still strong, so he heads back to the car Sam is in. They trade shots with Bugs ultimately removing Sam’s hat. What he thinks is said hat getting put back on his head, is really Bugs who calls to Sam as a sheriff. He pours some red ink on Sam’s head and Sam believes himself done for. He might have actually convinced himself to death had Bugs not left the bottle dripping onto his face.

Bugs next leads him into the club car, which now has a fight going on in it. Sam gets roughed up pretty badly, and while dazed, Bugs tricks him into stepping off the train. Sam returns though, and pulls Bugs on top for a brawl. Ultimately, Bugs is left tied up and dangling off the side with an anvil attached to his feet, Sam gleefully starts cutting the rope as the train passes over a gorge. Then a narrator acts like we’re in a serial and asks us if this is the end of our beloved Bugs Bunny. Bugs comes out onto the screen with Sam tied up mocking the idiot trying to pull this crap. He doesn’t know Bugs like we do.

Personal Rating: 3

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Cartoon Network Groovies

“What’s all that racket? ”

You know what made Cartoon Network so much fun to watch, back in the day? Well, yes, having cartoons that I wanted to watch was nice, but they went out of their way to make the commercials a joy as well. It’s a network where the cartoons are in charge, so naturally, the cartoons would be working there. During a commercial break, we could see the toons working at their jobs, and interacting with each other. But my favorite thing they did was the groovies. Short music videos about the cartoons we loved and if we didn’t already love them, then these videos might encourage us to take another look.

They were brilliant. Each one was different. Even the ones that were based on the same series. “Dexter’s Laboratory”, and “The Powerpuff Girls”, each had more than one for their series. (Not that I mind. I love those shows.) Even a few shows you wouldn’t think would be popular enough to get one, got one. Like JabberJaw and Betty Boop. (I didn’t even know her shorts ever aired on that channel.) Although there were some weird ones. There’s one based on “Ed, Edd and Eddy” where Sarah gives the titular boys a drink that shrinks them for her amusement. It’s a great song, but is that really related to the show? I never really watched it.

Another one is based on “Courage the Cowardly Dog”. It takes place somewhere not in Nowhere, Kansas; Eustace and Muriel look much younger; and they are having a party. This show, I did watch. And Eustace doesn’t seem like the type to allow that many people into his house without giving him something. But of course, the reason I’m talking about them here is because there were some based on “Looney Tunes”. And they get looked at more in-dept.

L’Amour A Un Odeur: A remix featuring Pepe Le Pew and his various shorts. It’s my least favorite just because it feels the most rushed to me. The music is that classic faux French they put in all his shorts.

Personal Rating: 3

Wascally Wemix: As you’d expect, this is Elmer’s song. A bunch of his lines remixed. Bugs and Daffy feature prominently too. The music kinda dying near the end, keeps it from being higher on my favorites.

Personal Rating: 3

Pork Jam: AW YEAH! My pal Porky gets a remix, and it’s awesome. His lines mixed with the music, never fail to put a smile on my face. It was my favorite as a kid. So, what could possibly top Porky?

Personal Rating: 3

Mars Forever: My favorite out of all the groovies. A recruitment video Marvin made to build up his troops. Best music in my opinion. Contains bits from all his shorts, plus “Rocket-Bye Baby.” A masterpiece if ever there was one.

Personal Rating: 4 (I could see someone wanting to watch the others if this was viewed first.)

In memory of my good friend, Abby the Dog. 2006-2017. While there are no shortage of great dogs, there was only one of you.

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Bugs Bunny’s Bustin’ out all Over

“Naughty, you might like to know, is natural for little kids.”

Written, Produced, and Directed by Chuck Jones; Co-Director: Phil Monroe; Music by Dean Elliot. A T.V. special released in 1980.

With the summer solstice tomorrow, it seems like a perfect time to talk about this special. There are three new shorts never before seen in theaters!

“Portrait of the artist as a young Bunny”

It starts with school being let out for the summer. Bugs is as excited as the children, before remembering that he hasn’t been in school for years. Distracted by this, he crashes into a tree and has a flashback to his youth. Sort of like a sequel to “The Old Grey Hare.” (Or prequel, if you prefer.)

A young Bugs is excited for summer and so is a young Elmer Fudd. He asks for us to be very quiet, and Bugs asks why he should. What is in it for him? Flustered, Elmer tries to bribe him for his silence, which Bugs uses as a great segue to start asking us viewers for money. Later, Elmer ends up walking off a cliff. (Look at those flowers behind them. These kids are either at the top of a beanstalk or are really tiny.) Bugs points out that gravity will be his undoing, but Elmer is immune. He hasn’t studied gravity yet.

Bugs leaves a book about said subject out for him, and like all children during summer vacation, Elmer happily jumps into some learning fun. Now fully understanding the “gravity” of said situation, he falls through the air now when he walks off a cliff. Wile E. makes a cameo telling him to let an expert fall first. (I don’t know what he’s doing in this time period.) Bugs isn’t about to let a kid fall to his death though, and leaves a spring for Elmer to land on and propel him back to safety. While grateful, Elmer isn’t going to let that stand in his way of being a great hunter. But all too soon, Bugs has reduced him to tears.

He decides that he has no other choice but to quit cold turkey. Bugs acts as an enabler and gets him to break his fast almost as fast as he started. Elmer returns with a rapid fire model of his pop gun and fires rounds upon rounds into Bugs. This crashes him into a tree again and he comes out of his stupor. Bugs figures that he and Elmer were the first to start chasing each other, just as he catches sight of a coyote pup chasing a very fast egg.

“Spaced Out Bunny”

Bugs loves nature, but it doesn’t seem to love him. Flowers wilt, rocks roll away, and a butterfly is ready to start something. Even the trees bark at him. Luckily, Bugs’ luck changes when he spies a carrot just waiting to be eaten. He takes the bait, unaware that it was a tranquilizer carrot that was part of a trap concocted by a one Marvin the Martian. He is pleased with his capture saying that Hugo will love Bugs. (Hugo? Where have I mentioned that name before?)

When Bugs comes to, he finds that he is no longer on Earth, and that he is not going back, lest he upset Hugo. Marvin caught him in the Himalaya’s. He is that very same abominable snowman Bugs and Daffy met. (Despite the fact he melted.) Bug’s is not happy to be in such a situation again, and tells Hugo that he doesn’t want a rabbit. He wants a robot. Marvin is a robot, right? Not really. But Bugs has another idea of what he could be used for, and soon Hugo has a “Mickey Martian” watch™ all his own. (What a way to go. Marvin has no air, and is forced to be in pretty uncomfortable situation.) Bugs then asks Hugo if he is any good at throwing a Frisbee and challenges him to throw one to Earth. Hugo takes Marvin’s ship and gives it a good hurl towards the blue planet. Bugs is along for the ride, and makes it back home safely.

“Soup or Sonic”

To finish up our special, we have the continuing exploits of the Coyote and the Roadrunner. Wile E.’s schemes this time include riding many firecrackers, (the middle flies without him, he lights his tail, it flies off without him,) throwing a Frisbeefrom Freleng Manufactures. (That’s a really good joke.) using a giant sheet of flypaper, and catching a giant housefly-squito with teeth who wraps him up in it, and throwing an explosive tennis ball. Which doesn’t seem clear on when it blows up, seeing as it hits several things and doesn’t go off. He is forced to hit several times to keep it away, but it ultimately lands next to the rest of them. Then it goes off.

Eventually, he chases the bird into a pipe that gets smaller as it goes along, and the two end up shrunk. He alerts his prey to this and the two run back to get bigger. The Roadrunner is soon back to normal. Wile E. isn’t so lucky. He doesn’t notice things are amiss, until he tries to dig into the giant bird’s leg. Unsure what to do next he holds up a sign, “You always wanted me to catch him, now what do I do?” (Can’t help but think this would be funnier if he hadn’t already pulled out the dining utensils. As if to suggest, he was only chasing the bird this whole time because we wanted him to.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Bugs and Daffy’s Carnival of the Animals

“Wait’ll you hear MY arpeggios!”

There’s nothing corny about this concerto!

Produced, written, and directed by Chuck Jones; Production Design by Herbert Klynn. A TV special released in 1976.

The first television special for the Looney Tunes! Bugs and Daffy are going to play parts from Camille Saint-Saëns’ “Carnival of the Animals,” And quote the poems Odgen Nash wrote about said music. I love animals, I love animation, and I love music. Throw chocolate and video games in there, and you’ve got my nirvana!

Things start rather rocky as Bugs and Daffy argue on the pronunciation of the man’s name. Bugs says it correctly, while Daffy insists it be pronounced phonetically. Porky (making a quick cameo) arrives to tell that the show is starting and Bugs walks out on stage, getting tons of applause. Daffy gets none as he enters. The conductor begins and the two take their places each playing a piano. (Not all of the pieces are here, but they got a good number of them. Besides, pianists don’t belong at a carnival of animals anyway.)

Lions: This part is drawn in a simplified style as we see a pride of lions heading off into a cave. Inside, only their eyes and roaring mouths can be seen. (Kinda creepy to be honest.) These are also some pretty lively lions. You’d think they’d be sleeping in the day.

Roosters and Hens: Daffy and Bugs introduce this part by wearing gloves as combs, Daffy still not get any any love. It’s a shame Foghorn couldn’t have made a cameo at this part. The chickens peck and crow.

Wild Jackass: Daffy throws in the the mule couplet Ogden wrote as well. Which is kind of weird. Camille made a part about donkeys AND mules? Why not include horses, ponies, quaggas, zebras, hinnies, zedonks, zorses and unicorns as wells? Carnival of the equines. Instead of showing any animals at this part, we just see a carousel with color changing donkeys.

(Passing by the elephant for now and skipping the tortoise altogether)

Kangaroos: I should mention that Bugs and Daffy don’t admit they are quoting Mr. Nash and instead act like they are making up the rhymes on the spot. Daffy challenges the rabbit to rhyme boomerang. It’s a good thing Australians enjoy kangaroo-meringues. Represented by a couple of kangaroo silhouettes jumping to the music. (They have to jump because they are incapable of walking)

(More skipping around to…)

Birds: Wait, we already had chickens. Which by the way, are BIRDS! Luckily, Bugs and Daffy don’t play the parts of the cuckoo and the swan. I guess Camille just meant Passerines, here. Songbirds, to you commoners) Daffy likes this part, as he himself is a bird. (His neck stripe is orange in this special.) The birds sing in a piece that looks like it came from “Yellow Submarine”

(Backing up a bit)

Aquarium: Bugs and Daffy seem to be having fun together now. (Bugs is speaking with Daffy’s voice for some reason.) The music perfectly conveys the idea of submerging under the sea. (For the longest time I thought this was the “Harry Potter” theme. I’m glad I never told anyone they were the same.) Since they didn’t claim to only be fish, we are also treated to an image of a (demon) whale, a sea star, and a jellyfish.

(Now we get to the…)

Elephant: (What’s with Nash’s words here? How are the elephants teeth upside down? Teeth can grow upwards) This part looks like it came from a schoolhouse rock video. For some reason, a few of the elephants have purple eyes that stare into my soul. More creepyness.

(Back in order…)

Fossils: How nice of Camille to include extinct animals as well. No reason they should be left out of a carnival saluting them. Nash’s poetry is actually kinda scary here. Imagine being alone in a museum at midnight, and suddenly all the fossils start to sing and make music with their bodies. (Even Daffy is hiding during this part.) The animation here is just some rough images of dead things. Not just dinosaurs either. I spy a hominid skull, a mastodon, and a plant fossil. (Why is that there? Carnival of the ANIMALS! The botany parade is next week.)

Finale: My favorite part! Something one can dance to! Much like “Fantasia 2000” I wouldn’t mind whole movie set to this music. (But I suppose that would take a lot of the fun out of things. The music here kind of outright tells you what to picture, as opposed to letting the animators coming to their own conclusions.) It’s like a Rhythm Heaven Remix with the animals of the previous pieces returning to strut their stuff one more time.

The two pianists finish and leave. Daffy is still not getting any of the attention he deserves. Why ever not? Seems the audience is comprised of nothing but rabbits. (Who better to perform “The carnival of the Animals” to?)

Personal Rating: 4. (Beautiful music. Beautiful animation. It’s like “Fantasia” with a fraction of the budget.)

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What price Porky

““Dumb Clucks,” are we?”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by Charles Jones and Bob Cannon; Musical Score by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1938.

Porky owns a chicken farm and takes good care of his hens. Not only does he give them tasty corn to eat, but he even has some on the cob for dessert. But before they can enjoy that, some a-hole ducks take the cobs and enjoy them in the pond, where the chickens can’t get them. Porky (very politely I might add) asks the ducks to not do that, but instead the lead duck sends them a note declaring war. (Jerk. You started it.) The hens agree and begin pecking out trenches and making troops. No, not recruiting. Making. Their eggs hatch ready for battle. If I didn’t already use the “inant-try” joke in “Porky’s Poor Fish” I sure would here.

The ducks aren’t just big talkers though. They have the means to fight back, complete with their own navy and fighter jets. Piloted by cute naked ducklings with bandanas. (I don’t know why they are naked. Ducklings hatch fully feathered.) Setting up their sides (with no hen’s land in between) they begin their fight. The hens have one of their hens sneak over, but she is caught by a duck who sounds like Yakky Doodle. (You thought he sounded like Donald? Please.) Her chicks underneath her, shoot him.

The leader sounds a lot like Daffy. He laughs like Daffy too. But I refuse to accept him as Daffy. He’s too unlikable to be Daffy. I’m going to call him Douchebag. Douchebag duck. (Besides, where is the ring around his neck? Checkmate.) He disguises himself as the Easter Bunny to come deliver some eggs to Porky. But they are duck eggs, and the hatch-lings (who aren’t naked this time) rough him up before they retreat. (Cowards.) With night falling, the ducks lay down a smoke screen, (thanks to a cigar) and try to launch a sneak attack. The smoke rises just as they are about to pounce, and they begin dancing. The hens love it, and let their guards down, allowing the ducks to start beating them up.

The ducks are really upping their game. They even have real tanks to use. They begin firing and almost get Porky. He seals the shell in his foxhole and decides to take matters into his own hands. Using a washing machine as a gun and the corn as ammo, he is able to shoot down the ducks wherever they are. Even Douchebag who tries to surprise him ends up trapped. Porky wins. (I never doubted him.) To celebrate, he gives the hens the corn they were meant to have. But Douchebag has one more trick up his sleeve. More eggs. The new ducklings bring the corn back to their (father, I guess) and they happily munch. Yeah, laugh now, you bass turds. You’re still trapped, and it just so happens that I love duck. Don’t be surprised that Douchebag Duck never made any other appearances.

Personal Rating: 4

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Wholly Smoke

“I ain’t a p-puh-puny puss!”

How bout ditching that ceegar?

 

Supervision by Frank Tashlin; Story by George Manuell; Animation by Robert Bentley; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1938.

You know, you really shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for you, makes you unpleasant to be around, and eats up funds you could be using for something more important. And don’t give me any of that: “It’s too addicting” crap. You don’t want to learn the hard way. My pal Porky did.

Another of the 100 greatest and my personal favorite from Tashlin.

It’s a lovely Sunday and Porky’s momma calls her offspring down. (Hilariously voiced by Ted Pierce.) She sends him off to church with a nickel for the collection plate. Why isn’t she going too? I guess she just doesn’t want her child to be an atheist like herself. On the way, Porky comes across some kid smoking a cigar. He points out that it’s bad, but the kid doesn’t take him seriously. Instead, he shows off some tricks he can do with the smoke. Making a target and hitting it with an arrow, creating a duck that flies, and kicking his cigar like a hackey sack and catching it again in his mouth. (Set to an ominous “Merry Go Round Broke Down”)

With his masculinity threatened, Porky bets the thug 5 real cents that he is just as tough. They’re children and this is the thirties; that’s some serious dough right there. The kid accepts and hands over his cigar, taking the nickel. He hasn’t won yet, but he doesn’t need to stick around really. Porky is practicing. He tries to show off some tricks with the smoke. He makes a target but hits his own behind with an arrow, creates a duck that flies and lays an egg on his face, and kicks his cigar like a hackey sack and catching the lit side in his mouth. (Set to an adorable “Merry Go Round Broke Down”.)

But all that tobacco takes its toll on poor Porky and he woozily blunders around, coming to a stop in a smoke shop. There he is spotted by some kind of smoke gremlin. He has the power to shrink Porky in size and wake him up with a snap of his fingers. He is a little shocked Porky doesn’t know who he is. All smokers know his name: Nick O’ Teen. Who is one of the scariest things Looney Tunes has to offer. With his soulless eyes, magical powers, and soft voice. (Again, brilliantly portrayed by Pierce.) Nick ties Porky up and prepares to go “Pigs is Pigs” on him. With musical accompaniment.

There are some singing matchsticks who look like they have blackface, (but you could say its debatable since they are extinguished) some literally chewing tobacco, and the three stogies. All singing a frightfully creepy version of “Mysterious Mose” about how little children shouldn’t smoke. (No one should, but they don’t want to come across as preachy.) Porky is forced into smoking more cigars, and given chewing tobacco, (which the poor guy swallows) as all the mascots come to life to scold him. (I would say it’s a nightmare version of “Foodfight”, but the original already earned that title, so this is the family friendly version by default.)

Bing Crosby and Rudy Vallee are there as some “Crooner” brand cigars. (Corona.) Cigarettes march, snuff boxes are drums, and even a pipe cleaner gets in the fun by imitating Cab Calloway. Porky does manage to get free and wakes up from this trippy… “pipe dream?” (Screw you, it’s funny) Hearing the church bell, he hurries over. Except, he still needs that nickel. He takes it back from the bully, shoves the cigar in his face and goes back to church to donate it. He vows never to smoke again. Except he did in “Rocket Squad.” And “Deduce, You Say.” And “The Awful Orphan.” And… Well, at least he never smoked a cigar again. So take it from me and Porky: Don’t smoke. Or we won’t be your friend.

Personal Rating: 4 (But if “Pigs is Pigs” never had never come out, it’d get the 5.)

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Porky’s Poppa

“Woe is me.”

The hoof that came to dinner.

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by Charles Jones; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1938.

Well? What about Porky’s Poppa? Well my friend, Porky’s Poppa has a farm, E,I,E,I,O. (By the way, am I the only one who thinks that’s a weird chorus?) And on that farm he has a pig, Porky. Porky tries to “Oh, boy.” whenever the song says so, but his stammer keeps him from keeping the beat and asks to be skipped. That’s fine. There’s plenty of options on this farm. A goose who honks; (Naturally and with horns) A cow who shows off her calves; (The singers even go over her part again so we can see those legs, that joke alone is probably the only reason she’s wearing a skirt.) and a duck who encourages us all to sing along. The duck quacks, the cow shows off puppets instead of calves, the goose honks and Porky has a phonograph play his part. It goes smoothly until the record starts skipping.

But all is not well on the farm. For on this farm there is a mortgage. Porky’s Poppa has no way to pay the bills, as his chief source of income (the cow, Bessie) has rather suddenly gotten the dreaded “Hoof ‘N Mouth” disease. (My uncle went the same way.) But I guess this disease doesn’t affect any other species, as Porky’s Poppa has no problems selling the cow to a hamburger factory. Needing milk, Porky’s Poppa orders a new cow. A beautiful, mechanical, cream-lined cow. With just a flick of a switch, it begins making milk. What is that milk made of exactly?

Porky prefers Bessie and tries to get her to eat. That hoof is keeping her from getting the food required to make milk, so he puts the hay on her foot, and she sticks the whole thing into her mouth. Porky gives her some space and the blessed event occurs. She gives birth to “quart-tuplets.” And a bottle of chocolate malt, but Porky pretends he never saw that. (I’m torn myself. I want to laugh at that joke, but it’s not in very good taste.) Porky goes to show his father the results. Porky’s Poppa is not too convinced as the newer model can make more than milk. It can make Cottage cheese (shaped like cottages), Limburger cheese (with built in clothespins), and Swiss cheese (that yodels). Porky won’t give up an goes to keep Bessie eating. Personally, I’m with Porky on this one. Real cows are much better than metal ones. They have more flavor…

By putting an ice cube on her head, Porky can make Bessie produce ice cream cones. The metal one can do this too, and make non-dairy based creams to boot! Shaving cream, cold cream and even vanishing cream. Bessie (who seems to have gotten over her hoof problems) tries to eat more as she’s running low on fuel. Not wanting any competition, the metal moo’er pours vanishing cream on her hay, and proceeds to take any left for itself. Oh, so that’s how it works. It’s got real cow organs inside it Bessie tries to keep up, but all too soon, they’re down to the last straw. The two lunge for it and after the crash, Porky’s Poppa declares the metal cow the winner. Luckily though, Bessie clearly made it first, as she pops out of the things mouth.

Personal Rating: 4

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Porky’s Preview

“Hi g-gang!”

Supervision by Fred Avery; Story by Dave Monahan; Animation by Virgil Ross; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1941.

Oh boy oh boy! Of all the Looney Tunes that don’t get their just recognition, this is at the top of that list. It’s the my number one pick for a short that I feel should have been on the list of the 100 greatest Looney Tunes. (Replace “Acrobattty Bunny” or “The Stupor Salesman” with this masterpiece.) It’s so funny! It’s so creative! What else can I say but, watch it while you can! I found the footage! Hurry and view it before it’s too late! You could die before you get another chance!

Did you watch it? I’m still going to talk about it, so I really hope you viewed it first. It’s magical.

Porky has a show going on that all the animals are eagerly heading into. A hen takes her eggs, a kangaroo takes the tickets. (And one guy’s arm.) He’s a male one with a pouch. This short’s only shortcoming. But I do like that “Professor Porky” Poster behind him.  And a firefly acts as an usher. A skunk would love to get in, but he can’t pay the 5 cent admission fee, as he only has one scent. (“Get it?”) As he walks off, he finds the exit. Seeing as how he read my ravings up there, he has no choice but to sneak in. (Considering he sounds just like Bugs, I can just picture him going “Ain’t I a stinker?” before heading in.) Porky gets on stage to address the audience. Even though, he’s still a boy in this short, he drew the whole cartoon by himself. (It wasn’t hard. He’s an artist.) So let’s see his magnum opus!

“PoRKy PiG’Ƨ FUNNy PictUReƧ” DRAwed by PoRKy PiG. (ARtiƧt) (7 yeaRƧ oLD) 2ND GRaDE. DRAFt No. 6 7/8 (FUNИy)

The little drawing labeled “me” always kills me. That’s the real troll face. There’s even an off key version of “The Merry go Round broke down”! After Porky’s awesome intro. We get to the StaRt of FUИNy PictUREƧ

CiRCUƧ PaRADe:  It’s a lovely day for the title. The animals include a lion, an elephant train, and a giraffe. They in turn are followed by a street sweeper.

CHoo-Choo tRAiN: (I love how he put a picture labeled “you’ up there next to his. It looks just like me!) A character drives a train and pulls the whistle to the tune of “California here I Come”. Puling back, we see that the engine stays level no matter what, and that the wheels stretch down to the tracks. And then we run out of background.

SoldiERƧ (MARcHIИ): What he said. A little soldier is continuously kicked in the rear, and when two groups of soldiers meet, they walk straight up into the sky and back down again. (Even turning gray when they do it.)

HoRƧE RAcE: (and now there’s a labeled horse too.) It’s a beautiful day for a horse race! All the horses and jockey’s are really tearing up the track. Except for that last one. That’s CRoƧBy’Ƨ HoRƧE.

DAИCEƧ: (With a picture of Porky, me and the horse too.) A hula dancer hulas. Her skirt comes down, probably giving us the first frontal nudity in a cartoon. (Porky!) A Mexican prepares to dance, but Porky keeps scribbling him out. Eventually, he manages to do a couple flips. (Before being scribbled out again.) A chorus line contains one tiny dancer amongst the others, and a ballerina stretches her legs out during a split.

GRAND FIИALE: A stick figure Al Jolson sings “September in the rain.” (The rain cloud keeps jumping back to him when its cue is heard.) Yes, there is some blackface. Get over it. Porky is just an impressionable youth who saw “The Jazz Singer”

With that, Porky’s masterpiece is complete. He goes on stage to ask how it was, but finds the audience fled when the skunk decided to sit down. (Judging by his enthusiasm though, they would have loved it just as much as me, the skunk, and you.

Personal Rating: 5 (And I think it deserves it too!)