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The Bear’s Tale

“Isn’t this where the three bears live?”

Supervision by Fred Avery; Story by J.B. Hardaway; Animation by Rod Scribner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1940.

This short begins by showing us the cast. Papa is played by Papa Bear, Mama is played by Mama Bear, etc. The only exception being that Goldilocks is playing herself. In the beautiful, green, forest, there is a cottage where three bears live. They sit down to their porridge but find it too hot. Papa tries to cool his mouth down with a gulp of water, but drinks from the hot tap. I just want to point out that I love this guy. He won’t stop cracking jokes and laughing heartily at them. It’s Tex Avery voicing the bear, and he’s loving every moment of it.

Deciding to let it cool, the family goes for a ride on a tandem bike for three. (The little bear being forced to do all the pedaling.) While they’re gone, someone else is waltzing through the beautiful, green, forest. It’s little Goldilocks. (Is that her real name?) She comes to a cottage and enters. Whoops! There’s somebody else’s story going on here. A wolf in a bed lets her know that she’s at the wrong place. He sends her on her way, but figures that she is no different from Little Red Riding Hood, and so he takes a taxi to the Bears place to surprise her. (The bears in question, are still biking. Papa is having a grand time pretending to be a siren. Have I mentioned I love this guy?)

Goldilocks gets to the cottage and begins eating. At the same time, Red gets to her location and finds a note from the wolf saying he got tired of waiting for her and went to find food elsewhere. Red phones Goldie, (on her way to the bedroom) and lets her know of the plan. Goldie leaves just as the family returns. They are sad to find their food gone. The wolf sneezes and the trio panics, thinking there is a robber in the premises. Papa tells the two to stay put and he’ll go get the crook. As he climbs the stairs, he laughs once more and tells us he knows full well that there is no robber. He read this story in Reader’s Digest and is prepared to find Goldie. (Okay, it’s official. If I was a gay cartoon bear, I would marry this magnificent creature.)

Imagine his surprise when he finds an angry wolf in the bed instead. Scared, he takes his family and they run off into the sunset. Papa, Mama, and the little bear’s bare behind, behind. (Yes, they end on a butt joke. But I’ll forgive it for the spectacular wonder that is Papa. It’s a shame he never got his own series.)

Personal Rating: 4

Don’t expect a post next week. I will be on a trip. I’ll resume the week after next.

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Paying the Piper

“And th-th-there’s what’s left of the last rat.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Manny Gould, John Carey, Charles McKimson, and Phil DeLara; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1949.

Today is the Summer Solstice, which means it’s been at least four months since my fight with my good pal, Porky. I went to him recently and asked what it would take to earn his forgiveness. He’s a good guy and he didn’t ask for much: Just a short starring him that ends with him being the victor being talked about. Done and done! (Or it will be in about one summary later.)

The town of Hamelin has been cleared of rats. Good news, right? Not for the cats of the town. (It’s not like they could eat mice or birds or fish or lizards or…) They go to complain to the supreme cat. (Just like their wild cousins the lions, domestic cats have a monarchy.) Supreme there looks familiar doesn’t he? He looks an awful lot like the cat who would appear about seven months later in “Swallow the leader.” But since they are calling him “Supreme”, maybe he is just Miles’s brother. Anyway, he vows to help his people. The piper who got rid of the mice is going to get paid. But if for some reason there was still at least one rat in the town, he’d get gypped. Putting on a rat suit he heads out.

Said piper is none other than Porky. Playing a rather catchy rendition of “Little Brown Jug” he was able to successfully drive the rodents away. All except that large one. (Who asks if they were expecting Bugs Bunny.)  The mayor refuses to pay until it’s gone, and so Porky sets off. You know how in the original story, the mayor refuses to pay the piper anything and so said piper just drives the children out of town? Don’t think Porky isn’t bass enough to do that too. He’s just a nice guy.

Porky loses track of the rodent, instead bumping into some rude cat who says the pig’s sister “smokes corn silk.” (What?) Porky mentions that he’s wrong. His sister works in a butcher shop and smokes hams. Make of that what you will. Finding a labeled rat hole, Porky tries to lure it out. He gets scolded by the cat for bothering a sick baby. (“I’m not long for this world.”) The rat then shows up and whips his tail at the pig. Porky chases again, but loses him once more.

He tries luring him out again, and the rat pretends to fall for it. But when Porky notices it’s not following him anymore he runs back and crashes into the cat again. This time he remarks that Porky’s brother “eats jellybeans.” Porky wonders how he knows so much about his family. (That’s just one fact though. He got the other one wrong, didn’t he?) When Porky does manage to grab the rat, Supreme jumps out of the suit, leaving the piper with an empty skin. Porky has killed it! But supreme has stolen all the cash in town. (Which is Porky’s new reward. He’s earned it.)

Losing the slippery feline again, Porky “figures” he might as well bring the rats back. Or rather he plays the very specific record that I left for him to find: “Rat stampede to fool cats on the other side of the fence with.” Taking the bait, Supreme rushes out to what’s sure to be a feast. Porky pounds him and gets his money. But not before telling the cat that his sister “… drives a pickle wagon.” (Yeah! Tell him! It makes sense when you say it!)

Personal Rating: 3

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Bewitched Bunny

“She is a witch, and means to eat you for her supper.”

Directed by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Lloyd Vaughan, Ken Harris, and Ben Washam; Layouts by Maurice Noble; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1954.

Chuck Jones must’ve really enjoyed the Disney character, Witch Hazel from the 1952 short “Trick or Treat”, and so he would create his own, and this was her first appearance. (Let’s be honest. His has way more personality)

Bugs is reading the story of Hansel and Gretel. Much to his surprise, he finds he’s become part of the story and has just come to the part where the witch invites the kids into her gingerbread house. (It doesn’t look like gingerbread, but let’s be fair: it wouldn’t last long if it really was.) The kids are your stereotypical German kids, and as such they have thick accents and hefty appetites. They accept her offer for more food and follow her inside. This looks like a job for the masked Avenger! (Iron man?) But since he’s not around, Bugs’ll have to do.

Inside, the kids are chowing down and are oblivious to the fact they are sitting in a large pan. Hazel (who is not voice by June Foray in this short, but rather Bea Bennederet) is glancing over the various dishes she can make with the kids. (Urchin Pie is a great delicacy, speaking personally.) Bugs arrives dressed as a truant officer and finds the kids. (He also realizes what a weird name Hansel is.) He warns them of their impending fate and they waste no time believing him and hightail it out of there. Personally, I’d stick around. This house is cool! Look at that decor! The window curtains are painted on, and there’s a picture of a boat labeled: witchcraft. (Genius!)

Bugs takes off his disguise as he accomplished his mission. But it might have been better to wait until he was outside as Hazel decides to have a rabbit dinner instead. She mounts her broom (that channels the spirit of Charlie Chaplin) but crashes. Good thing she is a witch. Magic works wonders! And she happens to have several sleeping potions on standby. (Did you know that worm sweat residue is one?) She cooks up a brew and fills up a carrot with it. (She has a jar of nice on the shelf. If she only wasn’t out of sugar and spice. She could make her own girls from scratch.) Bugs catching a whiff of food cooking comes in and delivers my favorite line he has ever said: “I get to lick the po-ot! I get to lick the po-ot!” Hysterical.

Hazel shoos him out while she finishes. She then finishes. Bugs sits down to dine while she prepares a bed for him. Bet you didn’t know that Rabbits sleep in piles of root vegetables. Upon learning the carrot he ate was poisoned, he falls asleep. (No it wasn’t. Drugged maybe, but not poisoned. Hazel doesn’t want to die.) Hazel goes to get some relish. (You can’t eat rabbit without relish. It’d be like eating urchin pie without gravy.) And then a handsome prince arrives. Or at least what many girls consider handsome. I’m heterosexual so I’m not sure. He awakes Bugs with a kiss. The rabbit is grateful, but points out he should be looking for Snow White. (The prince for the record also realizes what a weird name Hansel is.)

Hazel resumes the chase and Bugs appears to be trapped. Finding some magic powder that is to only be used in emergencies, he hurls it at her. She turns into a rabbit doe, and the hallway gets a romantic makeover. Bugs immediately falls head over heels for her. As they walk away, Bugs take note of our obviously skeptical faces. He knows it may be a little creepy, but then, aren’t all women witches inside? (Please note: The views expressed by Mister Bugs Bunny do not accurately reflect the opinions of the author of this blog. Only some women are truly witches. However one thing we all can agree on is this: Hansel is a weird name.)

Personal Rating: 3

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Some commercials aired during “The Bugs Bunny Show”

Directed by Friz Freleng, Chuck Jones, and Bob McKimson.

#1. A promo for the show. Besides mentioning that Bugs and Daffy are in it. The only characters they mention are Oscar winners: Pepe, Tweety, Sam, Sylvester and Speedy. C’mon, where is the love for Porky? Never letting him win is why I can’t trust their opinions.(On another note, Porky still hasn’t forgiven me for showing his breakdown reel.)

Personal Rating: 2

#2. Bugs is eating Post Alpha-bits but runs out. He needs more because they are made of oats, and oats give you energy. So he blows up a balloon to hop the fence of Elmer, who shoots him down. (That’s Mel voicing Elmer. He hasn’t quite got the hang of it yet.) Bugs ends up landing in the man’s kitchen and dazes Fudd. Sending Elmer out the door, saying he’s going home, Bugs enjoys his ill gotten gains. Elmer comes back to his senses and throws Bugs out. Bugs comes back and takes the cereal. He’s going to need all their energy to escape the gunfire.

Personal Rating: 3

#3. While eating Post Alpha-bits, Bugs hears Elmer approaching. Seems someone robbed him of his bits. Disguised as a cop, Bugs hears Elmer blame him before asking him to describe the bits. Elmer describes them as only one can in a commercial. (It’s cereal…er surreal hearing a commercial mentioning their product has sugar. That won’t fly today.)

Personal Rating: 3

#4. Bugs (in disguise) hops on Elmer’s tandem bike with him. Seems Post Alpha-bits are now brown sugar frosted. (Which lets be honest, brown sugar tastes better than plain.) Bugs takes them for himself. (Somehow splitting the bike in two) and digs in. Elmer brought his gun with him though, but it doesn’t matter as Bugs ate them all. But he makes up for it and brings Fudd more. Distracted by the generosity, Elmer bikes off a cliff.

Personal Rating: 3

#5. Enough with the bits. Bugs shows off how strong he has gotten by eating Post Sugar Crisp. The whole wheat makes him invulnerable to the hammers Daffy tries to smash him with.

Personal Rating: 2

#6. Seeing Sam coming his way with Post Sugar Crisp, Bugs disguises himself as a guy at a hunting lodge. Sam tells how he is hunting Bugs because he steals Post Sugar Crisp to make him strong. Bugs demonstrates, but is kind enough to invite Sam to join him. Since he can’t beat him, Sam does.

Personal Rating: 2

#7. Sam is panning for gold. Watching from the bushes, Bugs comes out in prospector garb and tells him that Cactus Canyon has just had a gold rush. Sam leaves asking Bugs to watch his claim. Bugs was really only after his Tang. He gets it and escapes from the angry Sam.

Personal Rating: 3

#8. Bugs is running a carnival game. Shoot a duck and win Tang. (Which he mentions is orange flavor. Isn’t that the only flavor it comes in? Even a good 50 years later?) Daffy hates to hurt a potential relative but really wants the Tang. (Sound reasoning.) He misses and finds out that Bugs was hampering his chances. Being the one holding a rifle, Daffy takes over the game. Hit Bugs and win the Tang! (It’s refreshing to see Daffy win for once. So is Tang!)

Personal Rating: 4

#9. Bugs as a bartender in a saloon faces a customer. It’s Sam who demands a drink. Bugs only has Tang which Sam begrudgingly takes. He likes it! Turns out he’s a wanted criminal though. (No! Really?) He makes Bugs dance, but the rabbit uses a rope to tie him up. Sam requests just one more glass of Tang. Bugs refuses.

Personal Rating: 3

#10. Bugs is going into space as the first rabbit to land on Jupiter. Elmer launches him. It was all a ruse to keep Bugs from stealing his Tang. Removing one’s Tang supply is the best way to get even. Upon landing Bugs finds that not only is there air on Jupiter, (I mean, why else would he take the helmet off?) but the planet gets its orange color from all the Tang there. At least he won’t bother you anymore, Elmer.

Personal Rating: 3

#11. Bugs and Daffy squabble over a Post cereal 6-pack. Nothing more.

Personal Rating: 1

#12. Bugs tells of Post cereal. Nothing less. (They remembered Porky existed!)

Personal Rating: 2

(Those grades are me basing on how well I think they advertised their products.)

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You were never Duckier

“Brother, could I use 5,000 sthmackereenies!”

Directed by Charles M. Jones; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Ken Harris, Phil Monroe, Ben Washam, and Lloyd Vaughan; Layourts by Robert Gribborek; Backgrounds by Peter Alvarado; Boice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1948
He craves something, but doesn’t know what this is.

Directed by Charles M. Jones; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Ken Harris, Phil Monroe, Ben Washam, and Lloyd Vaughan; Layourts by Robert Gribborek; Backgrounds by Peter Alvarado; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1948

Daffy is at a Poultry judging. The best rooster wins $5,000, and the best duck wins $5.00. (Sorry duck farmers, but best ducks are still just food.) Daffy is angry but figures that all he has to do is disguise himself as a chicken and he’s on the road to cash. He slips on a red rubber glove as a comb (If it’s good enough for penguins…) and then grabs some cock tail. (And by that, I mean he takes the tail feathers off of one of the cockerels there, thank you very much.) His disguise complete, Daffy goes to snooze while he waits for the judging.

Up in a tree meanwhile, a little chicken hawk  is going to bed himself. His dad is reading him his favorite bedtime story, “The book with pictures of various different breeds of chickens and no words.” (I hear it’s getting a movie soon.) It’s Henery and his dad, George. For once in my blogging career I have to come up with a middle name for a character rather than a first one. His middle initial is K, so the only logical name is ‘Ketuckyfried’. Henery is just amazed at how much his dad knows about chickens. He’d love to get him one. So he heads off to the show.

Finding a sleeping Daffy, he tries to take him home for dinner. When Daffy demands an explanation, Henery tells him that he’s being taken to his dad: the greatest judge of chicken flesh. Well, Daffy wants to be judged right? He happily comes with. Once at home, he finds out the name of his would be judge: George K. (entuckyfried) Chickenhawk. (Red-tailed, that is.) In a refreshing twist, Daffy doesn’t do the ‘ole “repeat the name and then realize what’s been said. He immdiately realizes that he’s pretty much a goner. While George prepares the pot, Daffy tries to prove that he is really a duck. I don’t care which answer is right. Both are tasty.

But giving a swimming demonstration doesn’t cut it, and he can’t get his disguise off. When he tries to just flee, George grabs hold of his “comb” and when it snaps back, George now has it on. So you can’t really blame Henery for accidentally hitting his old man with a hammer in the ensuing chase. Daffy leaves and remembers that he still has a contest to win. Donning a new glove he gets to the podium with dollar signs in his eyes. But he loses to George of all birds. (Still wearing the comb.) Well, 5.00 is five bucks and Daffy strips down to try and win something. (With cent signs in his eyes.) He loses once more, this time to Henery in duck disguise.

Personal Rating: 3

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Hollywood Daffy

“The sthity of the sthinema at lastht!”

A cop isn’t just beer and skittles, you know.

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Ken Champin, Virgil Ross, Gerry Chiniquy, and Manuel Perez; Layouts and Backgrounds by Hawley Pratt and Paul Julian; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1945

Well folks, a new job is going to make it difficult for me to post on Wednesdays anymore. So the only logical thing to do is move to Mondays. (Which my previous job prevented me from doing.)

Our story today takes place in Hollywood. (Naturally) There are plenty of wolves here as it’s a perfect environment for them. Plenty of hot babes, nice climate, and delicious toons to eat. Daffy has just arrived and much like his Disney counterpart did in “The Autograph Hound”, wants to see some celebrities. Despite the fact there are plenty of signs saying he can’t, he waltzes into the studio anyway. He is thrown out by a studio guard dressed like a klassic keystone kop (Or a kkk member for short.) Considering Daffy is a black duck, that could be part of the reason why Rolly, there (that’s what I’m calling him) refuses to let him in.

The chubby cop (portrayed hysterically by Mel) may be fat enough to snack on two popsicles at once, but he isn’t an idiot. He does his job well. (You know Daffy’s apprentice, Plucky, would also have a hard time getting past Ralph the guard in Tiny Toons to get in the studio years later.)Daffy tries various disguises. Charlie Chaplin, Jimmy Durante, and Bing Crosby don’t get him in. But he is able to slip by as an Oscar. Even though Rolly can’t tell what he’s supposed to be, he does have a button that is to be pressed when gatecrashers disguised as Oscars come in. His disguise revealed, Daffy flees into the lot.

He pretends to be a tour guide and shows Rolly some of the stars dressing rooms. Abbot and Costello’s are fat and skinny, and Durante’s has extra space for his nose. He even shows off the studio guard and shows that his head is so thick, you can repeatedly hit it with a stick and he won’t feel anything. (Physically; mentally he will feel angry.) He chases once more as they run past Jack Benny trying and failing to get an Oscar out of a claw machine. “I’ll never get one of those.” And he didn’t. (A regular Nostradamus.)

Daffy pretends to be a director and flatters Rolly into being in his film. He gets him to jump off a cliff. The chase continues (and Daffy is saying his trademark laugh, strangely quietly) and the cop tries to stop him with a painted backdrop of a path. (Daffy runs into it, and Rolly runs through it.) The duck thinks he’s finally rid of him, but Rolly grabs him anyway. Daffy says that he is not leaving because he wants to see stars. Rolly asks why he didn’t say so. He can show him stars. He beats him on the head and tosses him out. But Daffy is happy. He’s seeing more stars than Carl Sagan ever did.

Personal Rating: 3

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The Up-standing Sitter

“I’ll face the world alone!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Phil DeLara, Manny Gould, John Carey, and Charles McKimson; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. Released in 1947
That’s, ah say, that’s no sitter.

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Phil DeLara, Manny Gould, John Carey, and Charles McKimson; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. Released in 1947.

Daffy works for a babysitting service. (Are those still around?) Not only that, but apparently he’s the best sitter the place has. He has just gotten a job and heads off. As he goes, he sings about how this job is full of abuse but he puts up with it as the pay is pretty good. He arrives at his location. The mother is a hen and she wants Daffy to keep watch over her unborn child. (With birds, the term babysitter is literal.) He sits and the chick almost immediately hatches. That’s gotta hurt. Not having your mom around to witness your birth. (You and Dr. Doofenshmirtz are kindred spirits kid.)

He tries to guess Daffy’s relation to him, but runs out of relatives and deduces that Daffy is a stranger. Since kids shouldn’t talk to those, he runs off. Sitter or not, Daffy is technically still a stranger. (He’s plenty strange.) I don’t know what this kid’s problem is, but he now goes out of his way to make Daffy suffer. He hides in the mouth of a bulldog named Spike. (Bulldogs are always named Spike. It’s an unspoken rule.) He leaps out as Daffy reaches into the beast and it wakes up. He won’t let go of Daffy’s arm/wing, until he’s backed him up a ladder and off the barn’s roof. The chick (who needs a name. How about Spencer?) finds another hen and goes under. Daffy reaches once more only for the hen to spot him. Trying to play it cool, Daffy pretends he was miming a train the whole time. (Don’t you hate being in those situations?)

Spencer hops out before Daffy spots him and comes back for more hen groping in a barrel disguise. She puts a TNT stick under a feather duster for him to find. Spencer meanwhile has now run onto a wire high above the farm. Daffy tries to tightrope walk over but the chick blows him away. (Rooster’s are known to have really strong lungs, regardless of age.) A slingshot launches him into the side of the barn, and a rocket ends up taking him on a ride that ends up crashing into Spikes house. After it explodes, the dog spanks Daffy with what’s left of his domicile. Spencer gives Daffy a phone, and he calls his employers. A sitter he may be, but he’ll be standing from now on.

Personal Rating: 3

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The Super Snooper

“What’s on your mind? Besides your hat?”

Oh, so he’s working THAT side of the street.

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Herman Cohen, Rod Scribner, Phil DeLara, and Charles Mckimson; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1952

In this short, Daffy is Duck Drake. Which is like if my name was human man. (Why does that actually sound cool?) He’s a private eye, ear, nose, and throat. And he could really use a new case. His old one is full of empty bottles. (I hope you enjoy puns. There’s a lot of them here.) Good luck for him! A phone call informs him that there has been a murder at the J. Cleaver Axehandle Estate. And they are willing to give up plenty of cash. Which they prove they have by sending it through the phone. (Even bus fare.)

Daffy (literally) hops out of the building and heads off. Upon arriving he starts interrogating the butler, before stopping to admit it’s never the butler and follows him inside. (Doing the classic “walk this way” gag.) He demands to see the body, and boy does he get it. The woman claiming to be the body is a combination of Melissa from “The Scarlet Pumpernickel,” and Jessica Rabbit. She has the hots for Daffy, who doesn’t let hormones get in the way of business. (I’m impressed.) She also claims to be innocent. Daffy can’t believe it, she has guilt written all over her face. (Nothing a little make-up can’t cover.)

He begins his accusations of her shooting her husband with her playing her part. Could she have grabbed a handgun from her handbag and shot him? (The demonstration leaves Daffy’s bill full of holes.) Or maybe she took the rifle off the wall and killed him that way? (Possibly. She has quite the aim as she proves in her Daffy themed shooting gallery.) Perhaps it was the ole’ dropping a piano on his head? (Has anyone ever been offed this way?) Or the extremely over complicated rerouting the train tracks to the front door scenario? (A classic.)

Nope and nope. As she stated, there was no murder here. Daffy has gotten the wrong location! But she is guilty. Guilty of being head over heels for Daffy. Seeing her pupils have turned into ball n’ chains, Daffy bolts. Melessica takes off after him, the silhouettes they make crashing through the door form a couple walking down the aisle. Isn’t it romantic?

Personal Rating: 3

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The Abominable Snow Rabbit

“I AIN’T NO BUNNY RABBIT!”

Directed by Chuck Jones; Co-Directed by Maurice Noble; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Ken Harris, Richard Thompson, Bob Bransford, and Tom Ray; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard. Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. Released in 1961

On a snowy mountain, we see an all too familiar burrow move through the frosty ground. It’s Bugs, en route to Palm Springs. Daffy is along for the trip and heads off to go for a dip before Bugs can warn him that things aren’t quite right. Daffy ends up diving into a frozen pond. (Ouch.) After consulting a map, Bugs finds they have ended up in the Himalayas. (Which Daffy corrects his pronunciation of. I like that Daffy has at least one thing he can do better.) Upset that Bugs got them sidetracked in Asia, Daffy heads off on his own without Bugs.

It’s not long before he bumps into a yeti. This is Hugo. (Although he wouldn’t get his name until the TV special “Bug’s Bunny’s Bustin out all over’s” “Spaced out Bunny.”) There’s no need to panic though, this yeti isn’t going to eat Daffy. (Although that might be the preferred option.) He mistakes Daffy for a bunny rabbit, and names him George. (Daffy had been keeping his arms inside his bathing suit to conserve heat, leaving the sleeves looking a bit like long ears.) When Daffy points out they are sleeves and not ears, Hugo spanks him for lying. (They call that tough love.) But the duck offers up the whereabouts of a real rabbit.

Calling Bugs over allows the duck to escape, while the yeti happily cuddles his new George. (Daffy acknowledges the fact he’s a jerk, but at least he’s alive.) Hugo then decides to sit on Bugs much like a mother hen. (oooooooooooooookayyyyyyy…) Seeing his opportunity, Bugs burrows out and goes to get Daffy back. (Who I must point out is saying some great lines that I use frequently myself. “I’m not like other people. I can’t stand pain. It hurts me.” I relate!) Bugs claims Daffy is a rabbit. Daffy has a good idea; he asks the creature what makes a rabbit look like a rabbit. Long ears naturally. (Although now, I want to see a rabbit with dog ears or something.) Bugs ties his ears down and does the ‘ole two fingers behind another’s head routine. Daffy is chosen as Bugs escapes.

Hugo is happy that he has a rabbit at last. Covered in lovely black feathers and a strong bill…wait…No mammals have feathers! Even a simple minded creature knows that! Daffy points out the retreating rabbit and Hugo chases after him. (Daffy following because he wants to see Bugs get hurt.) Later at Palm Springs, an overheated Hugo tells a stranger of his lost love. (Bugs in disguise) Seeing Daffy coming up, Bugs slips a rabbit hood (Not the short from 1949.) on his head. Hugo excitedly grabs his new pet. Alas, it’s not meant to last. For as abominable as he may be, he can’t hide the fact that he is a snowman, and he melts.

Personal Rating: 4

And a toast to an old friend of mine. I’ll never forget the animation she made of the two of us synced up to this short’s dialogue. The best Looney Tunes gift I ever received. I’m sorry I can’t show you the proof. It’s lost to time by this point.

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The Stupor Salesman

“Thith guyth gonna be a tough nut to crack.”

Directed by Arthur Davis; Story by Lloyd Turner, William Scott; Animation by J.C. Melendez, Don Williams, Emery Hawkins, and Basil Davidovich; Layouts by Don Smith; Backgrounds by Phlip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. Released in 1948

Here’s another entry on the list of “The One-hundred Greatest Looney Tunes.”

The last national bank is robbed one night. Not in the traditional “This is a stick-up” sense. This had some thought put into it. The criminal blows up the vault and makes off. The police have identified this villain as Slug McSlug. (Who is not actually a slug) He’s not too bad of a mastermind either, seeing as he paints his Sedan just after the cops identify its color. (I’m guessing they couldn’t get his license plate number.) Driving away from it all, McSlug hides out in a cabin. (I don’t know if it’s his or not, but is that really the question here?)

He covered his tracks well, but the cops still pull up right outside. But they’re not stopping. They are just dropping somebody off. Daffy, to be precise. What McSlug doesn’t lack in brains, he makes up for with his lousy shooting. He can’t hit the constantly moving towards him target. (Daffy mistakes the bullets for mosquitoes.) When he finally reaches the door, we find out that he’s merely a (stupor) salesman. And he’s not taking “not interested” for an answer. He demonstrates some of his wares: gun polish that makes McSlug’s gun so shiny it melts, a mini helicopter that breaks through the roof, and an elevator that crashes through the floor.

Daffy refuses to leave until Slug buys something. Surely there must be something he wants/needs? Well, he could do with some brass knuckles. Daffy has those. (What hasn’t he got?) Slug tries to test them, but they break upon the iron Daffy holds to protect himself. Slug tries firing his gun at him again, but quickly runs out of bullets. Being the stand-up guy he is, Daffy offers him a free sample of bullets. When fired at again, it’s revealed that he was also demonstrating his bullet proof vest.

He also has a lighter that he wants to show off. He turns on the oven and attempts to demonstrate. The darn thing doesn’t seem to work and if that wasn’t enough, Slug loses his patience and tosses the duck out. Once alone, he tries the lighter himself. What compels him to do that? Does he just want to prove he can make it work? Did he actually need a lighter? Does he have some weird kind of fire fetish that he can’t indulge in until he’s alone? But the oven has been on the whole time and the cabin is full of flammable gas. He gets it to work just as Daffy is coming back for another round. He’s finally got something to sell that Slug needs: A house to go with his remaining doorknob.

Personal Rating: 3