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The Woods are full of Cuckoos

“Are you stirring?”

This short opens with Alexander Owlcott (Alcott) playing an announcer. We see our old friend Ben Birdie fighting with Walter Finchell (Winchell.) Milton Squirrel (Berle) introduces us to Wendell Howl (Hall) who tries to tell the audience which book page has the song they’re singing. He gives up and tells them to do the same, and they throw their books at him.

Billy Goat (Jones) and Ernie Bear (Hare) lead us in our featured song. Many others join in including: Eddie Gander (Cantor) W.C. Fieldmouse (Fields), Fats Swallow (Walker) Bing Crowsby (Crosby) and Al Goatson (Jolson). Grace Moose (Moore) and Lily Swans (Pons) each try to out do each other singing higher and higher notes. We also see some of our favorite radio stars like Joe Penguin, (Penner) Moutha Bray, (Martha Raye) and Tizzie Fish (Lish) who shows us how to make a ripple and get plenty of iron in our diets. After a quick skit which involves Jack Bunny, (Benny. Okay, that one was obvious.) Owlcott sends us on our way.

Personal Rating: Ditto with its precursor. 3 for the fans, 2 for the rest.

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Porky’s Road Race

“On your mark… Get set… SCRAM!”

First of all, I must mention that this short is purely coincidental. If you see anyone who resembles a famous actor, disregard it. It is pure luck. However, I will still call them by the names of who they remind me of. Now then:

It’s time for a big race and the winner gets a cool $1,000,000! (Tax deductibles aside leaves one with a cool $1.63!) Porky is hard at work fine tuning his vehicle. It’s a humble car. The competition includes: Laurel and Hardy riding on a seesaw that is pumping a tire, Charlie Chaplin who accidentally hurts W.C. Fields’ nose, Enda May Olliver, who Fields helps fine tune hiccuping vehicle, Greta Garbo, happily working alone on her car, and Charles Laughton, who has a literal motor boat.

In a locked up area, we see a character known as Borax Karloff. He has a huge car, that is sure to be full of tricks. The race is about to start, and Porky is the clear favorite. (Remember him? His name IS in the title.) It begins and most of the other racers fall victim to Karloff’s tricks. Laughton successfully dodges most of the traps, but can’t avoid the torpedo sent his way. Karloff disables the majority with a squirt of glue, but not Porky. The glue sticks to his wheels ,and bricks stick to them, making some nice treads.

Karloff tries grease, but that just causes the treads to pop off and hit him in the head. After exiting a tunnel our two last competitors have switched cars. Karloff is in the lead and raises a drawbridge to keep Porky from completing the race. Porky uses the bridge as a ramp and launches to the finish line first. The judges award him a crown, but Olliver (whose car is reduced to nearly nothing) drives by stealing the crown for herself. Enjoy your brief victory, kid. I’ll be returning that prize to the REAL champion now, thank you.

Personal Rating: 3

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The Coocoo nut Grove

“My, oh my. Just look at all the Celeb-reties.”

In the middle of a jungle is a trendy nightclub called the Coocoonut grove. Ben Birdie (Bernie) is our host, and he’s not the only one here. W.C. Fields the pig is there with Katherine Heartburn (Hepburn) the horse. Tarzan is there in a tree, and a lady is chased by Harpo as a… Bird? I think. He’s got a beak…

The music starts up and everyone dances. Laurel and Hardy (as a monkey and pig, respectively) share a coconut. Laurel must have drank a little too hard, as he sucks out all of Hardy’s body fat. Edna May Olliver does a dance to Clark Gable’s delight and the Dionne quintuplets perform. Tarzan is frighted by a mouse and Harpo finally catches the woman only to find it’s Groucho in drag. (That gag will never get old.) Helen Morgan sings, but her singing is so sad that even Edward G. Robbinson and George Raft cry. The combined tears of the singer and audience create a sea of tears, (eat your heart out Alice) which carries them all away.

Personal Rating: Depends on how acquainted you are with the parodies. If you know who is being spoofed, then 3. Otherwise, 2.

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Hollywood Capers

“Beans is the name! One of the Boston Beans!”

We open in Hollywood. (Did that guy who ran in front of the car just disappear?) Beans wants to get in to the W.B. lot. Much like the later “You ought to be in Pictures” the guard won’t let him in, despite the cat’s awesome resume. This doesn’t deter Beans, as he uses a Olliver Hardy disguise to get in. (Unlike Porky’s disguise, Bean’s actually works.) He goes in and sees director Oliver Owl directing a film starring Kitty. Beans enjoys his time until he accidentally disrupts the film. Oliver throws him out.

Beans accidentally activates a robot Frankenstein’s monster. It eats the camera, chases Kitty, and gets hit by his own reflection. Beans tries to stop it by wrapping it up in a pipe. The monster is so strong that it doesn’t slow him down. Beans finally destroys the menace by pushing a fan into him and shredding him to bits.

Personal Rating: 2

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Beans

As we all know, when Disney started making cartoons popular and profitable, everyone wanted to join in. Alas, Warner Bros. did not have much luck creating a character to rival Mickey Mouse. Friz Freleng directed a short (“I Haven’t got a Hat”) that featured many characters. Surely one could become a star?

The character that the studio THOUGHT would be loved, was Beans. Aside from getting in predicaments, Beans didn’t really have much character. His name came from the fact that his “sidekick” was named Porky. Despite what I just said may sound like, I like Beans. One of his shorts (“A Cartoonists Nightmare”) is one of my favorite Looney Tunes ever. Beans never did become a well known star, but he did at least get to star in a few shorts before being forced into retirement.

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Daffy Duck in Hollywood

“Wow! I’ll give ’em a real feature!”

At Wonder Pictures studio, a character named I.M. Stupendous asks a director named Van Hamburger to finish his picture today. He also tells Daffy that they have no need for him. Hilarity is about to go down. Daffy whistles through the microphone, attaches a fire hose to the lights and puts bullets in the cameras. The best part is during a scene where two lovers attempt to kiss, and Daffy jumps in the middle to kiss the lady. (He then does it again, he loved it so much.)

For the finale, Daffy goes into the film library and splices up together many different films. (Yes, decades before there was a YouTube, Daffy made the first YouTube poop.) He then switches his film with Hamburgers. The movie is crazy, weird, and nonsensical, but Stupendous can’t stop praising it. In the final scene, Daffy is now the director and Hamburger is playing the role of Daffy.

Personal Rating: 3

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Duck! Rabbit, Duck!

“I’m a wed hot spowtsman aftew wild game.”

The final in the hunting trilogy and it does not fail to disappoint.

The first one took place in summer, then autumn, so logically it’s winter now. Daffy is burning all the duck season signs and sends Elmer off to get some wabbits. Bugs tells Elmer that he can’t be shot unless Elmer has a fricasseeing wabbit license. Daffy writes up the document. He just needs a little help spelling fricasseeing. Bugs helps. “F-r-i-c-a-s-s-e-e-i-n-g-d-u-c-k.” Daffy gets shot and reads the document and admits to being the goat. Elmer shoots him upon reading Bug’s goat season sign.

Daffy calls Bugs a dirty dog. Bugs declares him a dirty skunk and Elmer shoots him upon seeing the dirty skunk sign. Daffy can’t believe what a pigeon he’s being and Elmer shoots him upon sight of the corresponding sign. Daffy takes Elmer away to talk some sense in him and Bugs uses the time to build a snow rabbit. Realizing he should shoot wabbits, Elmer rushes out and obliterates the sculpture. Bugs appears in an angel outfit to complete the illusion. Daffy claims that if Bug’s is dead then he is a mongoose.

Another shot later, he tells Elmer to listen to him and not anymore signs. Bugs puts on a bill and Daffy tells Elmer to shoot the duck. *BANG* Daffy breaks down and Bugs disguises himself as a game warden. He tells Elmer it is really baseball season and sends him off after a baseball. Alone, he asks Daffy what season it REALLY is. Daffy tells him it is obviously duck season and gets shot by many hunters.

Personal Rating: 4

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Hillbilly Hare

“Ya’ll care to practice with me for th’ square dancin’ tomorrow?”

When you as many enemies as Bugs Bunny, you feel the need to take a vacation every once in a while. Bug’s is relaxing in the Ozarks where he angers a hillbilly known as Curt Martin. His family is in a feud with another called the Coys. So he declares war when Bugs notes that he is very coy. His gun takes to long to fire however, giving Bug’s an easy chance to tie a knot in his gun. Curt unties it just for it to fire in his face. This act was spied by his brother, Pumpkinhead who also decides to kill Bugs. He doesn’t fare much better as Bugs switches the gun around to face back at its owner.

The main gag of this short starts with Bugs disguising himself as a woman and asks the smitten men to practice square dancing with “her.” While dancing, Bugs switches places with the caller and directs the boys into hurting each other pretty bad. They are obviously aware of whats going on, (as evidenced by their faces) and yet they continue to obey. Is that one of the hillbilly commandments? (“Thou shall not wear shoes”, “Thou shall always hate some other family”,” Thou shall never disobey a square dance”?) Bugs makes them walk into a hay baler, a pig pen, and finally off a cliff.

Personal Rating: 4

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Rebel Rabbit

“Rabbits are perfectly harmless.”

Bugs finds a sign in the forest that says foxes are worth $50.00. A bear is $75.00. A rabbit is only 2 cents. This bothers Bugs, who goes to Washington D.C. to complain. ( I don’t really get it. Are these paid for killing animals who are pests? Or do you just get paid if you kill an animal? Pretty mean if you ask me.) The game commissioner tells Bugs the reason for this is because rabbits are harmless. (Even in real life that’s wrong. They have sharp teeth and claws.) Obviously, this guy had no idea who Bugs is, and he is going to pay for it.

To prove rabbits are worth more than they think, Bugs is going to make Earth hell. He starts small by breaking someone’s kneecap and painting stripes on the Washington Memorial, but quickly moves on to turning off Niagara falls, filling in the Grand Canyon and sawing Florida off of the country. A meeting is held where Foghorn is a man suit demands Bugs be caught. (He talks just like him. Bugs even says his “That’s a joke” line. The fact McKimson directed this proves this is not just a coincidence. And I like it.) Bugs is declared a threat, and he is now worth one million dollars. Unfortunately, he is also now in Alcatraz for his crimes to the world. Or at least the Western hemisphere.

Personal Rating: 3

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Hare Do

“I have more fun than people.”

For this round of hunting, Elmer has a “wabbit detector.” It picks up Bugs who gives clues to Elmer to where he is and leads him off of a cliff. Bugs runs and catches a cab saying that only early risers can catch him. Elmer the driver mentions that he got up at a quarter to five. (Yes, he actually got one on Bugs this time.) Bugs runs into a theater to hide.

He clambers over people to get a seat, repeats to get a carrot, repeats to go back to his seat, and repeats when Elmer chases him. Elmer clambers over the people and an old woman (Bugs) beats him for this repeated gag. When Elmer tries to fight back, he gets thrown out. Elmer comes back in, finding  a message on the screen that informs him that he is wanted at the front. When he goes to retrieve the message, Bugs throws a pie in his face.

The chase resumes and Bugs hides in the men’s room. After Elmer runs in Bugs switches the signs and calls the usher. Fudd is again thrown out. He comes in again, but gets caught in stampedes of people leaving the intermission to smoke and returning to the film afterwards. Bugs is the one changing the sign and his fun ends when Elmer escapes. He chases Bugs to another theater where Bugs plays usher and gets Fudd to sit down. Thanks to the sunglasses on, Fudd is unaware that Bugs places him on a unicycle that leads into a lion’s stomach. The lion gets lunch and Bugs gets applause. A happy ending for all.

Personal Rating: 3