Category: Cartoons from the 30’s

This is the time period where Looney Tunes got there start! Things may have gotten off to a slow start, but they soon became the envy of studios everywhere!

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The Booze Hangs High

“Get back!”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Paul Smith. A Looney Tune released in December, 1930.

Like all the best cartoons of the time, this one opens with a close up of a cow’s behind. (And you think I joke about that happening more than once. It’s how the Mickey’s first short “Plane Crazy” was introduced. Fitting, considering Harman and Ising came from Disney)

Bosko dances with the cow, and it seems like they might be best of friends. But when the cow’s pants fall… hide falls… when its underwear is shown, Bosko can’t help but laugh. The cow leaves in a huff. (Believe me, I’m tempted to write “hoof.”) A nearby horse found the scene funny and it seems as if Bosko will have a friend to play with after all. And I do mean “play with.” Bosko pulls the horse’s tail taught and uses it as a stringed instrument. (And despite the fact that the horse is pulling a wagon that Bosko is sitting on, the harness disappears. (Don’t worry. It comes back)

While Bosko continues to entertain himself and us, (playing air banjo with a pitchfork) a family of ducks are out for a merry stroll. I only bring this up because its another example of toilet humor being subtle in Looney Tunes. A duckling crosses its legs, so we can tell it’s uncomfortable. Its mother pulls a flap of its down down, like a pair of pants, so we can tell the problem is related to its hind quarters. And it walks off screen, so we can guess that whatever the problem is, it’s personal and we don’t need any direct mention of it. A million and more times better than how the feature length films did it. (No, I’m not ever letting that go.)

Back on topic, three pigs are hungry. Judging by their relative sizes, and the fact the biggest one has a deep voice, I’ll guess they’re father and sons. Bosko empties a trash can for them to eat. The piglets find a bottle of booze in the stuff. (Look at that! The title character finally showed up!) Are the piglets just curious about their find? Or are they excited? Considering prohibition was still in effect at the time, I choose the latter.

All three of the swine take a swig and the drink works its magic. They fling the bottle away, and it hits Bosko and he gets affected too. He goes to join the swine song. As they croon, the biggest pig accidentally coughs up  a corn cob. He puts it back where it belongs though. (That’s not a belly button. It’s a door knob.) Apparently regurgitating food is censor worthy as that scene was cut from TV airings. Quite stupid as the short ends after that. (And Bosko’s nose turns white)

Not the best of Bosko’s shorts, but still enjoyable. You can’t go wrong with drunk animals.

Personal Rating: 2

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Smile, Darn Ya, Smile

“Boil, darn ya, boil!”

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Max Maxwell; Music by Abe Lyman and His Californians.  A Merrie Melody released on September 5, 1931. (This is the earliest short we know the air date of)

Yes, this is the same song the toons sing in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” and what better character to have star in a short that’s title theme was used in a Disney movie, than a guy who looks like he ran away from Ub Iwerk’s sketchbook? Remember Foxy? I’ve mentioned him before. He still looks an awful lot like a mouse. But he’s acting like a lucky rabbit. Here, he is running a trolley. (And he’s sure to have some troubles)

His first customer is a hippo. The perfect choice for making fat jokes. (sdarwkcab secnetnes reh fo lla syas ehs kniht I ,oslA) Foxy takes a pin out of her hat and stabs her. Rather extreme, but she does shrink. (Not due to a large loss of blood, but all the air she had in her.) Even though she is now compact enough to take a ride, she is cross with the fox for some reason. He couldn’t care less. He has rounds to make. And besides then he’d have to share his alone time with his girlfriend, Roxy. (Who’s not even waiting at any station. But when you date the conductor, you get special privileges.)

Life is just so grand, that they start singing the title song. (Early Merrie Melodies were like that. The title just referred to a song that would be sung) Even the ads printed on the trolley’s side join in. But the fun is short lived. As cartoon law dictates, “If you shall find yourself on tracks, then you shall find a cow blocking your way. And chances are, she’ll be really ugly.” (Look, Foxy has a cute hat now!) Even the hoboes that live under the bridge laugh at his misfortune. (When your Lyme disease keeps you from sleeping soundly, you have to find humor wherever you can.) Foxy’s trolley takes a running start, and jumps under the cow. (That’s not a typo. That’s funny.)

Now without his hat, Foxy should have no problems showing his girl a good time. But he wasn’t watching where he was going, and he is knocked out when the trolley enters a tunnel. (To quote Spyro 2: “Trouble with the trolley, eh?”) He tries to tie it down with a rope, but it just drags him back to it. Despite Roxy pleading for him to stop, it apparently has no brakes! And worse yet, the tracks lead to a cliff! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Then Foxy wakes up. It was all a dream. (One of the earlier times this cliche was used, so I’ll forgive it.) And why was that catchy song in his dream? His radio was playing it. Not amused, Foxy kills it with a bedpost.

Personal Rating: 3

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Congo Jazz

“Hello.”

Animation by Max Maxwell and Paul Smith; Music by Frank Marsales. A Looney Tune released in October, 1930.

Only his second short and Bosko decides that he is capable of hunting. (Because he is just a bos like that) Killing is a lot more difficult than one may think, though. And Bosko certainly doesn’t look like he has the nerve. He can’t take more than two and a half steps without screaming. But he has good reason to be scared. Despite the title suggesting he is in Africa, there is a tiger behind him. And Bosko does look quite delicious. When Bosko does notice the cat (and his color changing claws) he tries to run. Tigers apparently run faster on two legs, as it chases him down.

Like most early cartoon characters, Bosko’s main ability is being able to generate music from whatever he may have on hand. In this case, it is an actual musical instrument. (Heck if I know what it is. It’s no animal.) As is well known, music soothes the savage beast, and Bosko is able to save himself. Even playing a quick round of patty-cake with the feline. But, it is still a wild and potentially dangerous animal, so he has no other choice but to kick it off a cliff. Hunting clearly is not his strong point. So he seems to settle for just admiring the wonders of nature. And there are a pair of adorable monkeys that warm his heart playing leapfrog nearby. (They look like new-world monkeys. I thought he was in the part of India called the Congo for some reason.)

Bosko gets closer. One of the simians sees him and bolts, but the other one ends up in Bosko’s hands. In reality, Bosko would probably suffer many nasty bites, but this monkey is a bit more tame. But he still doesn’t like Bosko petting him, so he spits in his eye. Angered, Bosko spanks the monkey. (Literally. I hope nobody thought that I was being figurative.) That wasn’t the smartest choice though, there is an angry gorilla behind him. (So, he IS in Africa?) He doesn’t appreciate Bosko disciplining his… well, not kids. But I guess they are still closely related. Or it could be that Bosko is catching wild animals. Regardless of the reason, he looks pissed. Bosko offers him some chewing gum. Despite being one of the most disgusting things one can play with, Bosko and the ape do just that. Making music again. (It really helps soothe angry animals)

Heck, the music is so good, that lots of animals come to listen and join in. (One of which is a kangaroo. In Afrindiamerica. Is Bosko just in a zoo? Did he just release all the animals to play with them?) Even the plants can’t help but join in. One tree in particular does a sexy dance. (You can tell its female, because male trees don’t have breasts. Plants have the same rules as animals, right?) “Her” dance is a bit too wild though, and one of her fruits snaps free. (Even if fruit are meant to do that, it still looked painful) The coconut hits Bosko on the head, to the amusement of some hyenas. Luckily, Bosko is a good sport, and he laughs along with them.

Personal Rating: 3

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Bosko the Doughboy

“I’ll get you!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Max Maxwell. A Looney Tune released in 1931.

Heh, no one even uses the term “doughboy” anymore. Regardless, after the title is blown up, we see a war at hand. Not quite on time to be part of WWI, and still too early to be part of WWII. It’s just a nondescript battle with no clear answers. Even we in the audience aren’t safe, as we get shot in the face! A cannon goes through rigor mortis after being shot, and a bird has to take a long clear look at his gaping wound that cuts right through him, before realizing he’s dead. And where’s our main character? In his foxhole eating beans. (Close your mouth when you chew, Bosko. We don’t need to see that. Sometimes, it’s good that animation was not yet in color) His lunch is also shot and he has to make do with stealing cheese from a mousetrap. But he’s not going to let that get him down, he has a woman waiting for him after all! He happily kisses his picture of Honey, before that is shot too. A horse on his side tries to cheer him up with some harmonica playing. While they dance, a dog is in agony because of a flea (I think. It might be a tick) attacking him. Bosko solves this problem by getting the dog’s helmet riddled with bullet holes. This leaves a nice and jagged scratching device. (That would tear through a human’s skin. Isn’t being a toon wonderful?) Then, a fresh wave of firing comes down upon them. Bosko is attacked by a bomb dropping pelican. He fights back by sticking a bomb in the dog’s mouth, pulling on his hindquarters whilst he hangs from a tree, and firing at the bird and its mouse pilot. (The victory is short lived as the dog’s body is torn apart by the enemies fire, leaving him much shorter than before.) Bosko charges forward, ducking into another hole with a hippo to avoid the shots. (Which are primarily coming from some birds in their nest.) The hippo tries to fight back, but a cannon launches a ball down his throat. Bosko sets up a surrender flag made of some long underwear, but the cannon fires anyway. Upon noticing it now has a cannonball inside it, the underwear runs to the cannon and returns it. Thus, destroying the thing. With his path now cleared, Bosko runs over to help his ally. He’s no doctor, but he knows how to save the brave hippo’s life: just unzip him and pull the ball out. They laugh, but the cannonball explodes. (They don’t do that right? I’m no expert.) This sadly leaves Bosko in blackface.

Personal Rating: 3

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What price Porky

““Dumb Clucks,” are we?”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by Charles Jones and Bob Cannon; Musical Score by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1938.

Porky owns a chicken farm and takes good care of his hens. Not only does he give them tasty corn to eat, but he even has some on the cob for dessert. But before they can enjoy that, some a-hole ducks take the cobs and enjoy them in the pond, where the chickens can’t get them. Porky (very politely I might add) asks the ducks to not do that, but instead the lead duck sends them a note declaring war. (Jerk. You started it.) The hens agree and begin pecking out trenches and making troops. No, not recruiting. Making. Their eggs hatch ready for battle. If I didn’t already use the “inant-try” joke in “Porky’s Poor Fish” I sure would here.

The ducks aren’t just big talkers though. They have the means to fight back, complete with their own navy and fighter jets. Piloted by cute naked ducklings with bandanas. (I don’t know why they are naked. Ducklings hatch fully feathered.) Setting up their sides (with no hen’s land in between) they begin their fight. The hens have one of their hens sneak over, but she is caught by a duck who sounds like Yakky Doodle. (You thought he sounded like Donald? Please.) Her chicks underneath her, shoot him.

The leader sounds a lot like Daffy. He laughs like Daffy too. But I refuse to accept him as Daffy. He’s too unlikable to be Daffy. I’m going to call him Douchebag. Douchebag duck. (Besides, where is the ring around his neck? Checkmate.) He disguises himself as the Easter Bunny to come deliver some eggs to Porky. But they are duck eggs, and the hatch-lings (who aren’t naked this time) rough him up before they retreat. (Cowards.) With night falling, the ducks lay down a smoke screen, (thanks to a cigar) and try to launch a sneak attack. The smoke rises just as they are about to pounce, and they begin dancing. The hens love it, and let their guards down, allowing the ducks to start beating them up.

The ducks are really upping their game. They even have real tanks to use. They begin firing and almost get Porky. He seals the shell in his foxhole and decides to take matters into his own hands. Using a washing machine as a gun and the corn as ammo, he is able to shoot down the ducks wherever they are. Even Douchebag who tries to surprise him ends up trapped. Porky wins. (I never doubted him.) To celebrate, he gives the hens the corn they were meant to have. But Douchebag has one more trick up his sleeve. More eggs. The new ducklings bring the corn back to their (father, I guess) and they happily munch. Yeah, laugh now, you bass turds. You’re still trapped, and it just so happens that I love duck. Don’t be surprised that Douchebag Duck never made any other appearances.

Personal Rating: 4

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Wholly Smoke

“I ain’t a p-puh-puny puss!”

How bout ditching that ceegar?

 

Supervision by Frank Tashlin; Story by George Manuell; Animation by Robert Bentley; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1938.

You know, you really shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for you, makes you unpleasant to be around, and eats up funds you could be using for something more important. And don’t give me any of that: “It’s too addicting” crap. You don’t want to learn the hard way. My pal Porky did.

Another of the 100 greatest and my personal favorite from Tashlin.

It’s a lovely Sunday and Porky’s momma calls her offspring down. (Hilariously voiced by Ted Pierce.) She sends him off to church with a nickel for the collection plate. Why isn’t she going too? I guess she just doesn’t want her child to be an atheist like herself. On the way, Porky comes across some kid smoking a cigar. He points out that it’s bad, but the kid doesn’t take him seriously. Instead, he shows off some tricks he can do with the smoke. Making a target and hitting it with an arrow, creating a duck that flies, and kicking his cigar like a hackey sack and catching it again in his mouth. (Set to an ominous “Merry Go Round Broke Down”)

With his masculinity threatened, Porky bets the thug 5 real cents that he is just as tough. They’re children and this is the thirties; that’s some serious dough right there. The kid accepts and hands over his cigar, taking the nickel. He hasn’t won yet, but he doesn’t need to stick around really. Porky is practicing. He tries to show off some tricks with the smoke. He makes a target but hits his own behind with an arrow, creates a duck that flies and lays an egg on his face, and kicks his cigar like a hackey sack and catching the lit side in his mouth. (Set to an adorable “Merry Go Round Broke Down”.)

But all that tobacco takes its toll on poor Porky and he woozily blunders around, coming to a stop in a smoke shop. There he is spotted by some kind of smoke gremlin. He has the power to shrink Porky in size and wake him up with a snap of his fingers. He is a little shocked Porky doesn’t know who he is. All smokers know his name: Nick O’ Teen. Who is one of the scariest things Looney Tunes has to offer. With his soulless eyes, magical powers, and soft voice. (Again, brilliantly portrayed by Pierce.) Nick ties Porky up and prepares to go “Pigs is Pigs” on him. With musical accompaniment.

There are some singing matchsticks who look like they have blackface, (but you could say its debatable since they are extinguished) some literally chewing tobacco, and the three stogies. All singing a frightfully creepy version of “Mysterious Mose” about how little children shouldn’t smoke. (No one should, but they don’t want to come across as preachy.) Porky is forced into smoking more cigars, and given chewing tobacco, (which the poor guy swallows) as all the mascots come to life to scold him. (I would say it’s a nightmare version of “Foodfight”, but the original already earned that title, so this is the family friendly version by default.)

Bing Crosby and Rudy Vallee are there as some “Crooner” brand cigars. (Corona.) Cigarettes march, snuff boxes are drums, and even a pipe cleaner gets in the fun by imitating Cab Calloway. Porky does manage to get free and wakes up from this trippy… “pipe dream?” (Screw you, it’s funny) Hearing the church bell, he hurries over. Except, he still needs that nickel. He takes it back from the bully, shoves the cigar in his face and goes back to church to donate it. He vows never to smoke again. Except he did in “Rocket Squad.” And “Deduce, You Say.” And “The Awful Orphan.” And… Well, at least he never smoked a cigar again. So take it from me and Porky: Don’t smoke. Or we won’t be your friend.

Personal Rating: 4 (But if “Pigs is Pigs” never had never come out, it’d get the 5.)

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Porky’s Poppa

“Woe is me.”

The hoof that came to dinner.

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by Charles Jones; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1938.

Well? What about Porky’s Poppa? Well my friend, Porky’s Poppa has a farm, E,I,E,I,O. (By the way, am I the only one who thinks that’s a weird chorus?) And on that farm he has a pig, Porky. Porky tries to “Oh, boy.” whenever the song says so, but his stammer keeps him from keeping the beat and asks to be skipped. That’s fine. There’s plenty of options on this farm. A goose who honks; (Naturally and with horns) A cow who shows off her calves; (The singers even go over her part again so we can see those legs, that joke alone is probably the only reason she’s wearing a skirt.) and a duck who encourages us all to sing along. The duck quacks, the cow shows off puppets instead of calves, the goose honks and Porky has a phonograph play his part. It goes smoothly until the record starts skipping.

But all is not well on the farm. For on this farm there is a mortgage. Porky’s Poppa has no way to pay the bills, as his chief source of income (the cow, Bessie) has rather suddenly gotten the dreaded “Hoof ‘N Mouth” disease. (My uncle went the same way.) But I guess this disease doesn’t affect any other species, as Porky’s Poppa has no problems selling the cow to a hamburger factory. Needing milk, Porky’s Poppa orders a new cow. A beautiful, mechanical, cream-lined cow. With just a flick of a switch, it begins making milk. What is that milk made of exactly?

Porky prefers Bessie and tries to get her to eat. That hoof is keeping her from getting the food required to make milk, so he puts the hay on her foot, and she sticks the whole thing into her mouth. Porky gives her some space and the blessed event occurs. She gives birth to “quart-tuplets.” And a bottle of chocolate malt, but Porky pretends he never saw that. (I’m torn myself. I want to laugh at that joke, but it’s not in very good taste.) Porky goes to show his father the results. Porky’s Poppa is not too convinced as the newer model can make more than milk. It can make Cottage cheese (shaped like cottages), Limburger cheese (with built in clothespins), and Swiss cheese (that yodels). Porky won’t give up an goes to keep Bessie eating. Personally, I’m with Porky on this one. Real cows are much better than metal ones. They have more flavor…

By putting an ice cube on her head, Porky can make Bessie produce ice cream cones. The metal one can do this too, and make non-dairy based creams to boot! Shaving cream, cold cream and even vanishing cream. Bessie (who seems to have gotten over her hoof problems) tries to eat more as she’s running low on fuel. Not wanting any competition, the metal moo’er pours vanishing cream on her hay, and proceeds to take any left for itself. Oh, so that’s how it works. It’s got real cow organs inside it Bessie tries to keep up, but all too soon, they’re down to the last straw. The two lunge for it and after the crash, Porky’s Poppa declares the metal cow the winner. Luckily though, Bessie clearly made it first, as she pops out of the things mouth.

Personal Rating: 4

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Wise Quacks

“I’m a poppa four times over!”

Da deuce he said?

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by I. Ellis; Story by Warren Foster; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1939.

Sorry for not posting until later in the day. Things came up, but unless otherwise noted, updates WILL happen every “Tunes-day.” And here’s some news worth celebrating: Daffy’s gonna be a father! (He’s so excited, he’s gone back to that cross-eyed design he had in “The Daffy Doc” It would be used one more time in “Porky’s Last Stand”) His wife is something else all together. Other than looking just like him, save for the pair of glasses on her bill, she sounds a lot like someone trying to imitate Donald Duck and not doing a great job at it. (At least they’re doing better than I would.) I’m calling her Daphne, seeing as how Daffy is married to a Daphne in a later short, and this duck is no Melissa.

The good news is put out in the paper. (Seems a bald eagle is also expecting an heir.) It’s spotted by Porky, who is happy for his old childhood pal. (I wish there was a short where the two of them were kids together. That would have been interesting.) I also love the reaction from the dog Porky tells the news to. A flat “Amazing.” That’s how I would react to someone I didn’t know awaiting kids. While Daffy is excited, he is also nervous and has taken to chugging large amounts of corn juice to steady his nerves. I first saw this short on Cartoon Network, and maybe they left the label off, but I swear that they changed it to maple syrup. That really made me ask questions. I may have only been five at the time, but I knew what being drunk was and I couldn’t figure out why my pancake topping of choice would effect Daffy that way.

Daphne finally gets the ducklings to hatch, by threatening to put her boiling rump on them. They emerge just in time for Porky to come witness the event. One egg has not hatched completely yet. Porky grabs it to keep the unborn from hurting itself and it hatches at last. This duckling is…special. I can’t help but just watch him uncomfortably. He nods his head when saying no, and shakes it when saying yes. He moves his neck around like he’s struggling to hold his head up. It’s a shame too, as he might be the funniest part of the short. Daphne meanwhile, has become aware of her husbands alcohol consumption. (Partly because Daffy bluntly admits it.)

The youngest during this time has just accepted a ride from a strange bird. Maybe he just is playing. Most predators don’t allow their prey to ride on their backs. Despite being up in the sky when he whispers goodbye to his mother, she hears him and begs Daffy to rescue their child. Tipsy he might be, Daffy is not a father to be messed with and catches up to the raptor. He takes his son back, but the bigger bird has friends that are happy to help and they chase Daffy.

The poor duckling is dropped (although this does lead to the best line of the short: “I’m flying.”) With Daphne too busy being hysterical, It’s up to Porky to save the day. (He does of course. Porky is amazing) The raptors chase Daffy back home and lock themselves in with him. Porky gets a club and opens the door to save his pal, but Daffy is in no danger. He’s shared his liquor with the others and they are all happily wasted.

Personal Rating: 3

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Gold Diggers of ’49

“YEEOOWHOOPEE!”

Supervision by Fred Avery; (His directorial debut at this studio, in fact.) Animation by Bob Clampett and Charles Jones; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1936.

In the year that the title names, we see a town so poor they have crossed the “Gold” part out of their name, leaving the place known as Ville. But one brave youth dares to go out and dig for the stuff needed to rebuild their economy: Beans the Cat! His girlfriend, Kitty believes in him and rushes home to tell her father the news. Her father is Porky. (This is still Beans’ short, I wasn’t lying last week.) Being so early in Porky’s career, he is really fat. And his voice isn’t sped up. Also, I can’t tell if he’s wearing pants or not. His legs are a different color than his arms here. Plus there’s the fact that he is somehow Kitty’s father. (I guess he adopted?)

But let’s check in on Beans and see how he is doing, shall we? Well, he finds the stuff and alerts the whole town. Porky may love his food, but that won’t stop him from joining in the fun and he joins everyone for a day of digging. I love the cars the people had in 1849. So retro. At their digging spot, we get some pretty dang good gags. (Thank you, Avery. Never stop.) Porky finds a nugget fast, and puts it in his pocket. Reaching into the hole again, he keeps grabbing the same nugget. Beans meanwhile has found a chest. It only contains a book though, titled “How to find gold.” (Which comprises of one sentence: “Dig for it!” Brilliant!)

While everyone digs the honest way, the Billy Bletcher Bandit spies a bag of Porky’s and takes it for his own. Porky must have that bag back and promises Beans Kitty’s hand in marriage if he succeeds. Porky will stay behind and go with him in spirit. Plus, this is a great time to convince Warner Bros. that he is more star material than Beans is. (I mean…he’s too distraught to go!) Beans likes the idea and drives off after the thief. His guns don’t have much effect though, as the crook is wearing an armored butt cover. (“Also known as a “Steel Seat.”) To make matters worse, Bean’s car runs out of fuel. What’s a feline to do? Pour some firewater in the tank!

Properly juiced up, the car is now fast enough to catch up to the burglar and grab him and the bag, turning back to get Porky and heading to his home. He is true to his word and lets Beans get his hands on that puss- …actually, I’m above that joke. Beans in return gives Porky his bag of gold. Gold? Nah, Porky loves his daughter. She’s worth way more than a sack of rocks. That was his lunch bag that was stolen.

Personal Rating: 4

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Porky’s Double Trouble

“Why, you’re not Porky Pig!”

Porky’s (failed) romance.

Supervision by Frank Tashlin; Story by George Manuel; Animation by Joe D’Igalo; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1937.

A criminal has escaped from Alcarazz prison. Its a pig known as the Killer and though he is spotted, he manages to escape. His gang hides out at an abandoned girl’s school and is well aware of their boss’s big break. Just then, an attractive woman shows up claiming to have a message from Killer. The guys waste no time in letting her in. The message is this: “Don’t trust ladies.” Surprise! It was the Killer in drag all along!

He takes a peek at the paper to see his story, and finds something else interesting. Seems Porky has finally been promoted from janitor to bank teller in only 15 years! You may think this is a slow news day, but you’re wrong. Porky is the kind of guy whose birthday should be a national holiday. (What did you do on March 9th?) Killer (whose real name I will guess is Hammy Hog) notices the similarities between the two. Aside from the fact Porky shaves and that I’d be willing to date him if I was gay, they could be identical twins. Killer hatches an idea and fills the others in on it.

The bank that Porky works at meanwhile, is the “Worst National Bank.” He loves his job. The clients are nice, and Petunia the secretary keeps asking him on dates. (Don’t worry. This is the last time she looks so weird. She gets a cute makeover once Clampett takes over.) Porky is shy though, and can’t accept, opting to go have lunch instead. (Food doesn’t judge.) On the way, he sees a lady who is having car trouble. Porky is all around talented and offers to fix it up for her. She in turn kidnaps him. Surprise! It was the Killer in drag all along!

Taking Porky back to the hideout, he steals his clothes and tells of his grand plan. (Don’t freak out. He left Porky’s underwear alone. He’s not a weirdo.)  He’ll keep all the deposits, and once people figure out what is going on, Porky will be the one in trouble. Heading back to the bank, Killer gets in place and happily pockets everyone’s belongings. He even responds to Petunia with a perfect impersonation of Porky. She asks him out again, but not being as shy as Porky (or as charming, or as gentleman like, or…) he just steals a kiss from her. Petunia isn’t dumb and knows at once that this isn’t her beloved Porky. She calls the police while Killer escapes back to his hideout. (If he only kept his hormones in check, he could have kept this going at least until I visited. I don’t fall for fake Porky’s.)

The cops were following close behind though, and they find the place. Exchanging bullets, Porky’s bonds are shot and finding himself free, he begins to kick @$$. (Beating up thugs is no more difficult than fixing cars. You learn a lot from 15 years of janitorial work.) He gets to the killer just as the police and Petunia break in. The cops are not as smart as she is, and can’t tell which pig is which. (Well, to be fair, I wouldn’t think the pig in just his underwear is Porky right away either. He doesn’t do things like that) Petunia can figure it out though.

Asking one of them out, gets another shy response. Petunia however, has become a b*tch again and decides she prefers Killer. Porky proves that he can kiss just as well if not better by giving her one himself. Still preferring the other guy she opts to wait for him. Theory! Petunia’s makeover is no coincidence! Warner Bros. got a new Petunia because Porky deserves it!

Wow, my Porky fanboyism is out of control today. Maybe I should blog about Beans again next week.

Personal Rating: 3