Category: Cartoons from the 30’s

This is the time period where Looney Tunes got there start! Things may have gotten off to a slow start, but they soon became the envy of studios everywhere!

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How do I Know it’s Sunday

“No Samples”

Supervision by Isadore Freleng; Animation by Frank Tipper and Don Williams; Music by Bernard Brown. A Merrie Melody released on June 9, 1934.

Do you really want to know the answer? Well, I know that over a year ago, I decided to update on Sundays. The calendar I looked at said it was said day, and ever since then, I’ve updated every seven days. And since Sunday happens once every seven of those days, as long as it stays in the same spot, I will continue to update on this day. And that’s how I know its Sunday.

And since the day is Sunday, everyone in town is off to church. Leaving their stores empty and abandoned. Perfect for the merchandise to have a little fun of their own. Like sardines singing with a severed pig’s head. (Delightful.) The meat aren’t the only products singing our title song. The produce does too. A potato has tears streaming out of her many eyes, due to the onion she is talking to. (Her mother said this would happen.) Oysters and lobsters uses their shells and claws respectively as castanets, and even some of our real world mascots join in. Like Mr. Peanut and the Morton’s salt girl.

Seeing as how couples are acting in that sickly sweet couple way, one Inuit boy jumps off of his bottle of club soda, (Get it? He kills seals!) and goes to ask his sweetheart to join him. His lady of choice is a cookie girl. (I hope they don’t plan to spend the rest of their lives together. He’ll end up in the trash and she’ll end up in a toilet. For that matter, can a printed mascot actually mate with a baked good?)

What conflict will befall these innocent marketing gimmicks? Diptera! That’s right, flies! (The idiot who owns this store thought it would be a good idea to leave a window open. Fresh air is full of many unsanitary things.) Being flies, they are interested in the many sugary treats that abound in this store. (One of which has a rib cage in it. That would be fun to watch someone find.) Seeing as his girl is a baked good herself, the flies carry her off to feast on her. They may not be seals, but it won’t stop Soda Pete from going all Whacking Day on their abdomens.

He does manage to rescue her fairly quickly, but the flies get them and all their friends trapped and begin assaulting them with toothpicks and lit matches. (The flies don’t care if they have to burn their prey to ash. Everything tastes like vomit to them, anyway.) The products put out the fires, because, as a store, it sells things like water. And they retaliate with syrup and popcorn. The majority of flies are now a candy concoction themselves, and land amongst other popcorn balls. (Someone is definitely going to be surprised.) The other flies COULD get away, but their pride won’t let them. They make one last attack on the Inuit, but he traps them in a bottle.

Personal Rating: 2

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Sittin’ on a Backyard Fence

“How about some lovin’?”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x76onby

Supervision by Earl Duvall; Animation by Jack King and Don Williams; Music by Norman Spencer. A Merrie Melody released on December 16, 1933.

Everything is asleep at night. The clock, the dentures, the man. (Slow down cartoon! My suspension of disbelief can only go so far!) Now really, the world couldn’t function if there wasn’t SOMETHING nocturnal, so it is quite a relief to see some cats up and about.

A female, (you can tell she is female because of her bow.) heads out of the house at the request of a male. (You can tell he is male because of his Y chromosome.) They make a cute couple. (I could too, but no lady wants to give me the time at midnight.) During a gag where the cats walk in the moonlight and are x-rayed, it is strange to see a cartoon actually remembering that the nose and ears don’t contain bones. Plus one point for zoological accuracy!

Plenty of other cats are in the alley, and they make some music with various junk. Nothing more romantic than “Home on the Range.” (Oh good. I have a copy of that movie.) Now, while they two may seem happy to be together, like all females of all species, she will never truly be happy with any man, and will always be on the look out to trade up. Who could be a better match than generic Tom? How about the scruffy one eyed cat drinking liquid Kat-nip? (From the same company that manufactures liquid Viagra. It’s an odd company.)

Once one eyed Scruff asks her to dance, it’s all over for generic Tom. But he’s not going to just let his ex ruin his life like that! So he throws a brick at Scruff. (Attack a lady? Perish the thought! To this day we seem squeamish to inflict physical harm on the female form. I like to think we’ve gotten a little better at offering slapstick to all genders.) Scruff gives chase and only now does someone become aware of the noise, and sends a rolling pin their way. We get a very nice shot of the two rolling over telephone wires, whilst hanging onto the handles with their tails. (This is exactly what I look for in animation!)

Soon the chase leads into a doghouse, and the angry occupant chases both of the felines. He’s pretty tame as far as dogs should be with cats, he doesn’t even kill them. (But I suppose hitting them in the face is worth a “you tried.”) And as for that lady cat? She already upgraded again. (Her new boyfriend has a hat!) And since cats have the fastest gestation periods of all mammals, they already have had several kittens together.

(Okay, I admit it. Women aren’t the only ones who are constantly looking for someone better. Men do too. But probably not all men. I’m sure if I had a girlfriend, I’d be loyal. Interested, ladies?)

Personal Rating: 2

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I Like Mountain Music

“Rooty-toot-toot.”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x76gsey

Animation by Isadore Freleng and Larry Martin; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on June 13, 1933.

Another short that is putting words in my mouth! So, do I like mountain music? Sure. Especially if it’s Splash Mountain music. (Say what you will about the film, but “Song of the South” had some kick butt songs. Well worthy of the Oscar.)

While not the first “things coming to life while people are away” picture, it is the first one taking place in magazines. (A theme that would be re-explored in “Speaking of the Weather.”) For whatever reason, the magazines decided to wait until 5 in the morning to start partying. (Guess they wanted to make sure the coast was clear.) A cowboy shoots his way out of a western thriller, and has his posse play our titular song as he dances. All the other magazines clap.

An ice skater gets off of her dance magazine to skate on a mirror. And has talcum used as snow, making this the first time that gag was ever used in a cartoon. (Possibly. I wouldn’t be surprised if cro-magnons did the same thing when they were dying of heat stroke. The gag is that old.) Other magazines add their own music to the party. Babies shake rattles, and racist stereotypes clap their oversized lips. (Think you got your stereotypes mixed up here, guys. It’s Tribal Africans that have lips that would make a whale swoon. Their magazine says Asia. Asians have eyes thinner than a needles, and teeth on loan from radioactive beavers. Oh wait, no one has ever had that in the history of the world, and we should all be ashamed for ever thinking displaying that was okay. No censoring. We need to LEARN!)

Is there any actual mountain music in this? No, but there is yodeling. One young lady is nice enough to humor the yodeler as the title theme is sung once more. We’re running out of time, but let’s try and have a conflict too. Three criminals come out of some crime stories and head towards the cash register. (They are being followed by two detectives, but they don’t actually contribute anything to the story. They disappear before the climax even begins.) The crooks pour some lighter fluid into a seltzer bottle, and after igniting it, they have a handy blowtorch to get in the money. But when they are spied by Edward Robinson, they try to run for it, with the rest of the print people fighting against them. Firing gumballs and pins at them. (It’s nice to see Mussolini even lending a hand.)

The boss tries to hide in a screenplay magazine, but finds its inhabitant is a giant ape named Ping Pong! (Actually, he really isn’t all that giant. Especially if we remember he is a printed ad. But he is rather large next to the thief.) Said thief tries to hide in a empty glass, but the ape delights in pouring razzberry soda on him. (Don’t expect fruity goodness. It tastes like spit.) And the character bidding us farewell? He didn’t appear in this short. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say he’s from “The Shanty where Santy Claus lives.”

Personal Rating: 2

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I Love a Parade

“Open! Open!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Tom McKimson; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on August 6, 1932.

Don’t we all love parades? To be honest, I never really did. They were always too loud. Way too many sirens blaring, and music assaulting my tender eardrums. All I ever wanted to see was the horses. (I love horses.) Even the candy they sometimes threw didn’t placate me. (Couldn’t enjoy it. Everyone turned into barbarians and were willing to kill for tootsie rolls that were getting crushed under wheels and coated in horse crap.) However, if this short is any indication, parades are only fun to watch at circuses.

I spoke too soon. That clown on the title card is terrifying! I feel him eating my soul. Good thing he doesn’t actually appear in the short. (And if he does, I’ve successfully suppressed that memory. And it will stay that way.) The crowd of transparent ghost animals loves the fun times that are going on here. Or maybe, they just get a kick out of seeing Mickey Mouse clone #219 being part of it. He is holding a drum that a lion is beating. A little too hard, as he breaks a hole in it. He solves his musical problem the way Toons in the thirties did: by hurting another animal. In this case: shoving the drum inside of a dog.

We also have another one of those confusing type jokes: even though we just saw a lion being treated as an equal member of the parade, the next one is locked in a cage. (Until the driver of the vehicle said cage is one enters a pipe. Upon exiting, they’ve switched.) With all this fun and more that I’m not mentioning so you actually have a reason to watch the film, who could possibly not enjoy a parade? Answer: the street cleaner following the elephants. (Subtle toilet humor. My favorite kind!)

What kind of sideshow attractions does this circus have? A rubber man who can become a tire! (He can also strum his nose, but that’s not as impressive. I saw Bosko do that in his first cartoon.) Some Siamese pig twins. (Conjoined will never sound as cool) They do the classic gag of one head smoking, and the other exhaling. A tattooed man with several tattoos. (Which is commonplace nowadays. For both genders. Shame, too. Women are far less sexy when they have ink under their skin) Speaking of women, one (who I guess is the show’s fat lady. Also rather commonplace today. For both genders, again.) is tickled by a child’s noisemaker. He hides just as she turns to see the tattoo guy making a groping motion to make his art move. (Bad timing.) We even have a skinny guy! Ghandi?  (It’s not that offensive. If you starved yourself, you’d be in the circus too.)

Another classic gag is the fat hippo lady. We have one here who is riding on a horse. (Who has a rattlesnake rattle on its hind quarters) The two switch places. We also see a mouse on a bike on an elephant. (Clearly, this is Mickey Mouse clone #76.) Speaking of other studio’s characters being in this show, I think that tightrope walker is Oswald’s girlfriend, Ortensia. And the short ends with not much of an ending gag. After a lion (also in a cage. How did that first one get such great treatment?) and his tamer put their heads in each other’s mouths. He has a flea problem, and solves it by removing his teeth and scratching himself with them. (Do I love a parade? Not really, but I do think this short is much more enjoyable to watch.)

Personal Rating: 1

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A Cartoonist’s Nightmare

♫The tables are turned, and now you’re in, our clutches!♫

Supervision by Jack King; Animation by Don Williams and Paul Smith; Musical Score by Bernard Brown. A Looney Tune released on September 21, 1935.

Before we move on to today’s short, it’s time for another rendition of “Something that actually happened to me, that I didn’t make up and is still related to our source material.” I was at work, and a little boy saw my Marvin the Martian shirt. Somehow, he knew that I was someone who actually watches the source material of what he wears, and not only complimented my attire, but asked what Looney Tunes DVDs I had. He had several of the same ones and I sent him away with some ideas about what others he should get. I’m just glad that SOME parents are making sure their kids watch true art. Wouldn’t be great to have a little pal to watch cartoons with?

Yᴇᴀʜ! Tʜᴇɴ I ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴀᴠᴇ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ!

Too bad that will never happen. Now leave! The adults are talking.

Today’s short is a creepy good time! Definitely one of the more underrated shorts. It begins at Animated Cartoon Studio. (A subsidiary of Generic Products United.) Another day of work is done, and everyone goes home. (Keep your eyes open, and you’ll find that Clampett works here.) The night watchman begins his rounds. This looks like a fun place to work. There’s a staircase that leads to a door too small for anyone to enter, and a sea star in a water cooler. Those rascally artists!

There seems to be a cartoonist still here. He’s working on the latest short for their newest star, Beans. (Making this the first “Looney Tune” to not feature Bosko or Buddy. Warner’s was just all about those B’s.) Yes, by this point Buddy had been abandoned, and I Haven’t got a Hat had come out, so it was time to see if this new character had what it took to be the star. (Porky won.) I will admit, it would have been cool if all this opeing stuff that happens in the short was in live action, but the technology wasn’t there yet, and even if it was, we don’t need another “Coolworld.”

I don’t know what part of the short the man (Name time! I’ll call him Bob McClampet.) is working on, but it is a part where Beans had just been threatened by a beast, but had bars put in front of him, keeping him safe. I guess the short is done, because even though he said he needed to finish, Bob decides to sleep. (Sleep is best often enjoyed at your work) Seeing his chance, the beast grabs Bob and yanks him into the world of cartoons. With Beans still safely locked away, no one can save Bob. Oops.

Bob is dragged down to a room where all the cartoon villains are kept. (Which is right next to where the cartoon heroes are kept. You know them, they are what they’re supposed to be. Illusions of your fantasy.) And in a brilliant move, some of these guys actually appeared in previous Warner shorts. The “Mad Doctor” was the “Mad Musician” from “Buddy the Detective,” “One-punch Otto” the octopus appeared in “Mr. and Mrs. is the name;” even the beast who pulled Bob in appeared once. (Naturally, in 1934’s “Beauty and the Beast.”) They’re are plenty of original faces there too. Including Battling Barney the gender confused kangaroo. (Males don’t have pouches. Females aren’t called “Barney”) And Spike the spider*. (Who doesn’t have the right number of legs. And has a beetle’s shell. And a nose. And… Oh wait! “Spike the spider” is probably just his wrestling name. Of course, that must be it.)

So why all the kidnapping? Seems they’re angry at Bob. In every picture he makes, they are the villains. Don’t get them wrong, they love doing what they do, but they don’t like how they are always the losers. So, they are going to make Bob kill himself. (Dang! A cartoonist’s nightmare indeed! Imagine being hated by your creations! Sure, this kind of situation would come back in “Fairly Odd Parents,” and the “Goosebumps” movie, but being forced to end your life? That’s harsh.) Seeing as how if he doesn’t comply, the rouges are probably just going to kill him themselves, Bob complies and begins drawing a pit.

Remember Beans? He is still in this short too. He’s just been given a loaf of bread by… somebody. Seriously, who is that? We never saw them! (I’m not using gender specific pronouns because I legit don’t know what gender they are.) They came from where Bob was taken. Are they one of the cartoon heroes? The ones who will last forever? I doubt it because we never see them again! Also, I guess Beans wasn’t too upset about his creator probably dying, as his face lights up at the thought of a snack. It’s a pretty comfy cell. As long as someone feeds him, he could stay there for years, no problem.

Okay, okay, back to the plot. Random character in a dress and bonnet hid a saw in the bread, and Beans begins to make his escape. Bob meanwhile, has drawn the pit, and is thrown in. And there is a crocodile in there, so he’s pretty much screwed. When Beans arrives, he finds the villains watching the action. They’re smart enough to make sure their plan works out. (Impressive!) Beans sends some boots to kick the beast, and the whole lot chases after the cat once he is spotted. (Well, at least they look evil. Brains don’t matter much.)

Beans sends the pencil down to Bob, who draws a ladder to get himself out. Then, with the use of a grease gun, Beans sends all four villains (no idea where all the rest went) sliding into their own trap. Bob then erases it. (Which is also pretty harsh. They’re trapped in a enclosed space with a dangerous reptile. Even if they manage to fight it off, they are going to starve. I hope the two heros are proud of themselves.)

Considering the smiles are their faces, I guess they are. They shake hands, which is really the night watchman shaking Bob awake. When the title said “nightmare” it meant it literally. Still, Bob is grateful for Beans’ help. To reward him, not only does he remove the beast and cell from the scene, but he draws him up a giant plate of dessert. (Ice Cream? Pudding? Custard? Maybe it’s all three.)

Personal Rating: 4

* Hi. It’s me from the future. I’ve since learned that Spike also came from an earlier short. But I’m leaving the post unedited, because I found that description I wrote about him hilarious.

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Buddy’s Circus

“Get your tickets for the big show!”

Supervision by Jack King; Animation by Bob McKimson and Ben Clopton; Music by Norman Spencer. A Looney Tune released on November 8, 1934.

Can Buddy buy your support with a circus? Would that make this the greatest short on Earth? He’s certainly going to try. I will give him points for arriving via balloon. But said balloon also becomes the tent. It has greatly increased in size! But no one seems interested in the magic cloth, as they only go inside to see what racially challenged “freaks” Buddy has to exploit. (After he has made music by pulling on elephant tails.)

Buddy tries to dodge any future controversy, by claiming these people are a race known as “Ubangis.” (They look a lot like what white people thought black people looked like at the time, to me) Naturally, having dark skin means your lips are gigantic. One poor fellow is forced to sacrifice his dignity, and perform as a human phonograph. Other “interests” include a rubber man, (who is kind of disappointing. He barely stretches! And in the field of animation, you really have no excuse for following science’s rigid rules of how much a human body can stretch.) There is also a fire swallower. He actually bothers to make more of an impression, and swallows a pan and raw egg, and cooks breakfast for himself, in himself.

But that’s just the sideshow! The REAL entertainment is inside the tent. Buddy leads a parade of animals, and some guy hangs by a rope by his teeth. He doesn’t last long. (I hope those really were dentures, or that looks much more painful than King had intended.) One baby in the audience is munching on some popcorn. When he drops it beneath the stands, he naturally goes after it. An elephant beats him to the punch, but happy for the snack, she makes a friend out of the infant. (Do you see any tusks on that full grown elephant? No? Then she is a she.)

Friends go places together, and the baby joins his pachyderm pals in the ring. It takes a while, but the baby’s mother does finally notice the kid has become part of the show. If he keeps the kid around, child-labor laws are going to be on his @$$ for quite awhile yet. So, Buddy joins the mom in chasing the kid down. A circus tent is not the safest place to run around unorganized, so it is isn’t weird to see the three get tossed around by the various performers. The three are flung out of the tent. The two adults, (actually, I’m still not entirely sure of Buddy’s age) land on a giraffe. But the kid lands in the hippo’s cage. If this was reality, he’d be dead about 8 times by now. (Hippos anger easily. They’re like 900 pound wasps.) Since this is a cartoon though, the kids is safe and sound and in one piece inside the animal’s mouth.

Personal Rating: 1

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Buddy’s Beer Garden

“Give the girl a great big hand!”

Supervision by Earl Duvall; Animation by Jack King and Tish Tash; Music by Norman Spencer. A Looney Tune released on November 11, 1933.

The idea of prohibition really amuses me. To think we actually had the 18th  amendment of our constitution forbidding alcohol consumption. (Even funnier is the later Amendment 21, stating to ignore number 18.) To celebrate the end of such an era, Buddy has opened a place for people to happily get drunk.

It seems to be pretty popular. (Although identical twins must sit on opposite sides) Buddy uses devious means to make his beer more appealing. He adds shaving cream to the tops to make it look extra foamy. He even has employed his girlfriend. Cookie takes more pride in her work. She hand knits every pretzel. There’s more meaty dishes too. Tongue sandwiches specifically. (They happily lap up mustard)

Another one of Cookie’s jobs is being the smokes person. Cigars and cigarettes. (That’s all they’ve got. Hookahs are for caterpillars.) One patron buys from her and makes a remark about her looks. (He looks like King Hippo with more clothes and a terrible shaving job) Also, Cookie has a third gig at her boyfriend’s eatery. She dances to Latin music wearing a see through dress. (Though, all we can see is her legs. They’re not bad. But Turkey legs? OHHHHHHH! That’s the creme da la creme of legs.)

I’d like to say that everyone is enjoying the show, but what is with the guy on the far right? Not only does he keep looking at the table, but he keeps rubbing his head against it. Does that turn him on? Also, Buddy is a liar. I quite clearly saw a sign advertising free food, but he still charges a patron for his sandwiches. (I guess the cheese is too expensive. You may not know this, but during the depression, cheese was valued over platinum.)

Buddy announces a surprise guest to perform next: Mae West! King Hippo is still around, and loves what he is seeing. He just has to get a little closer. But because of the alcohol and maybe a little shyness, he can’t do much better than greeting her from under a table. He is spotted by a poster for beer with a goat on it. (Both the goat’s horns and Hippo’s hat change color briefly in this short.) As you’d expect from a goat, it butts the butt in front of it, and Hippo is thrown forwards, knocking Mae into the air and crashing himself into a mirror. We then see Mae was really Buddy in drag the whole time. (Which might be the first cross-dressing in a Warner Bros. cartoon. I’ll have to double check.)

Personal Rating: 2

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Buddy’s Day Out

“Buddy spank.”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x76onbv

Supervision by Tom Palmer; Animation by Bill Mason; Musical Supervision by Norman Spencer and Bernard Brown. A Looney Tune released on September 9, 1933.

Buddy’s first short! And because of that, we get a cast of characters. (Half of which never showed up again) Starring: Buddy, the hero. (Who can’t even be bothered to look right at us.) His girlfriend, Cookie. (Who can’t even be bothered to look right at us. At least she has the excuse of putting on makeup.) Her baby brother, Elmer. (Which leads me to believe that their last name is Phudd. Also, Elmer is quite the sloppy eater.) And Buddy’s dog, Happy. (He’s a dog. That’s the extent of his character.)

Cookie is giving Elmer a bath. So, if you like looking at bare baby butts, this opening is the greatest thing since the birth of your first child. Buddy’s car is also getting bathed. Its got to look its best, because the whole cast is going on a picnic. Buddy accidentally has the car in reverse, and it crashes through many yards on the way to Cookie’s. Luckily, she is rather fond of the flowers that now decorate the vehicle, and everyone heads off.

Upon arriving, Cookie starts playing a stringed instrument, (heck if I know what it is) but I think she’s dead. Look at those blank eyes! (Oh wait, Buddy has them too. My mistake) I suppose everything in nature is horny, because Buddy, insects and frogs all ask their mates for “Wugee” Is that even a real word? (looking it up) No, it isn’t. Maybe they just couldn’t get away with saying “hickey.”

While those two “play”, Elmer heads for the food. Still hasn’t learned any table manners. He throws a cake at a hungry Happy, but it still ends up all over the baby. Cookie scolds him, and the sad lad heads back to the car. (Which has “Asthma” written on the side. Such a sad name.) This car is one of those kind that can be started just by pressing a pedal. Elmer’s sadness is instantly forgotten, as he and Happy go for a merry joyride.

The two… I guess adults, (but for all I know they are only 16) chase after them in a pram. (Which up until this point, I couldn’t tell what it was as it was folded up) The debris that Elmer crashes into lands on Buddy and Cookie, and slowly turns the carriage into a helicopter. And it’s a good thing they have a higher vantage point, as Elmer has made his way onto some train tracks. Naturally, a train is headed his way.

Landing, Buddy redirects the train with a ladder. (Isn’t he the best hero? In doing that, he killed whoever was living in the house behind him.  I don’t think Elmer’s life was worth that. Also, it looks Elmer shrunk a bit. But he instantly goes back to full size) And does Elmer thank Buddy for being a hero? If by thank, you mean “squirt milk in his face.” (Clearly, Elmer was suicidal.)

Personal Rating: 2

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The Dish ran away with the Spoon

“YODLELAYEEHOO!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Bob McKimson; Music by Frank Marsales. A Merrie Melody released on September 24, 1933.

Our short of the day takes place in a bake shop. (Is that any different than a bakery?) The dishes and silverware inside are alive and having a grand time playing in the sink. Not only is it fun, but it is essential for keeping one’s self clean. Some use seltzer for a shower, and a toaster is a great way to dry off.

But this kitchen is kinda weird. Not because the stuff is alive, but because some of it isn’t. One spoon is used as an oar, and others are used as piano keys. Are they just the mentally slow ones? Or perhaps repeated use by humans has killed them. Playing with corpses is kind of macabre, but I suppose since none of these guys have literal hearts, there is no harm in it.

One spoon in particular is proposing to a dish in particular. (Guys love curves, and boy, does she have them!) I’m going to call these two Cutlery and China. I don’t hear a yes out of that plate, but since she is already thinking about children, I guess it is safe to assume she’s all for this. Cutlery is so happy, he starts playing some music. Several food items are also alive and join in the party. Which must get pretty awkward at some points. (Whisk: Hey Egg! I haven’t seen you in ages! What’s new?” Egg: “How could you forget? You beat my brother’s innards together the other day.” Whisk: …. “How’s your sister?”)

A blob of dough is also alive. He is horrifying. He looks like one of the pink elephants on parade if it was melting. But surely he just LOOKS evil. He wouldn’t do anything bad would he? Sure he would. He mixes up a little snack of yeast water and grows. Then, as large monsters are prone to do, he tries to steal a woman. (And on her wedding day no less.) Cutlery and the cavalry to the rescue! Spatulas are catapults, the doughboy gets some cheese graters to the groin (freaking ouch!) and is flattened by a rolling pin. With no depth to keep him standing, he stumbles into a fan which distributes his body into several different tins. Ready for baking! (Because “If you must eat em, don’t join em.”)

Personal Rating: 3

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Bosko in Person

“Gee Bosko, you’re swell!”

Animation by Rollin Hamilton and Bob McKimson. A Looney Tune released on April 10, 1933.

I wasn’t kidding last week when I said I wanted a child. So, I just up and got one. But knowing that he was going to hang around here and occasionally join in the posts, I decided to stick part of my mind in him so he could talk on the same intellectual level as us grownups. Here he is! Introduce yourself. (And use a different font so it is less confusing)

Hᴇʟʟᴏ. Mʏ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ɪs ʙᴏʏ. ᴍʏ ꜰᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅɴ’ᴛ ʙᴇ ʙᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ʀᴇᴀʟ ɴᴀᴍᴇ, ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ʜᴇ sᴇᴇs ᴍᴇ ᴀs ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴀ ᴘᴇᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴀɴ ᴏᴄᴄᴀsɪᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ ᴀssɪsᴛ ɪɴ ʜɪs ᴡᴏʀᴋ.

Children spread the worst lies! Heh heh. (Keep it up and you’ll not be eating tonight.)

Yᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜰᴇᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴʏᴡᴀʏ. ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅ ᴀʙᴜsᴇ ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴠᴇʀʏ ʜɪɢʜ ꜰᴏʀᴍ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴏᴍᴇᴅʏ.

Okay, if you’re such a know-it-all on the art of humor, why don’t you write today’s post? In the meantime, I’ll keep making up names for toons that have done.

Wᴇʟʟ, ɪ ɢᴜᴇss ɪ’ᴍ ɪɴ ᴄʜᴀʀɢᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏ. Mɪɢʜᴛ ᴀs ᴡᴇʟʟ ɢᴇᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ. Iꜰ ɪ ᴅᴏ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴊᴏʙ, ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ᴍʏ ꜰᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡɪʟʟ sʜᴀʀᴇ ʜɪs ᴄᴀᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴏɴ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ.

Tʜɪs ᴘᴀʀᴛɪᴄᴜʟᴀʀ sʜᴏʀᴛ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ ʙᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ɪᴛsᴇʟꜰ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴘʟᴏᴛ. Iᴛ’s ᴊᴜsᴛ Bᴏsᴋᴏ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ʜɪs ᴍᴜsɪᴄᴀʟ sʜᴛɪᴄᴋ.

(Don’t forget to mention that his nose seems to shrink while he is playing the piano.)

Wʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ? I ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ I ᴡᴀs ᴏɴ ᴍʏ ᴏᴡɴ.

I just need to be sure that you follow the major rules. #1. Point out inconsistencies. #2. Name characters. and most importantly #3. Give facts about animals whenever you can.

Iɴ ᴄᴀsᴇ ʏᴏᴜ’ᴠᴇ ꜰᴏʀɢᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ, I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪɴᴅ. Tʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ʀᴇᴀʟ ᴅɪꜰꜰᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴜs ɪs ᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴏɴᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴀᴄᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴇʟᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ “ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡs” ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴜsᴇ ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ.

Speaking of character, stop breaking it!

Tʜᴇɴ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴊᴏʙ.

Fine. But if you get more popular than me, I’m going to bury you in a fire ant hill while you’re coated in honey.

Uɢʜ. I ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ʜᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ. Nᴏᴡ, ʟᴇᴛ’s ᴄᴏɴᴛɪɴᴜᴇ.

Bᴇsɪᴅᴇs ʜɪs ᴘɪᴀɴᴏ ᴘʀᴏᴡᴇss, Bᴏsᴋᴏ ᴀʟsᴏ sʜᴏᴡs ᴏꜰꜰ ʜɪs ᴅᴀɴᴄɪɴɢ sᴋɪʟʟs. Hᴏɴᴇʏ ᴀʟsᴏ ᴊᴏɪɴs ʜɪᴍ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴅᴜᴇᴛ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ. Sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ.

And if you keep acting like this, you never will know.

I GET IT!

Hᴇʀᴇ’s sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ Bᴏsᴋᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ᴅɪᴅɴ’ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ. Aᴘᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛʟʏ, ᴀᴛ ʟᴇᴀsᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ᴏꜰ ʜɪs ɢʟᴏᴠᴇs ɪs ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ. Hᴇ sᴇɴᴅs ɪᴛ ʀᴏʟʟɪɴɢ ᴀᴄʀᴏss ᴛʜᴇ ᴘɪᴀɴᴏ ᴋᴇʏs ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ sᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ɪᴛ ᴏɴ ʜɪs ᴋɴᴇᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇɴᴄᴏᴜʀᴀɢɪɴɢ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴇʀꜰʀᴏᴍ.

Wᴏᴜʟᴅɴ’ᴛ ɪᴛ ʙᴇ ɴɪᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴇɴᴄᴏᴜʀᴀɢᴍᴇɴᴛ?

? I ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ꜰᴏʀ sᴜʀᴇ ʜᴇ’ᴅ ʙᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ sᴍᴀᴄᴋ ᴍᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʀᴇᴍᴀʀᴋ. Cʟᴇᴀʀʟʏ, ɪ’ᴠᴇ ʟᴏsᴛ ᴍʏ ᴇᴅɢᴇ.

Hɪs ɢʟᴏᴠᴇ, (Oʜ ᴡᴀɪᴛ, ɪ’ᴍ sᴜᴘᴘᴏsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ᴀ ɴᴀᴍᴇ. ᴀʜʜʜʜʜʜʜ, ᴡᴏᴡ. Tʜɪs ɪs ʜᴀʀᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀɴ ɪᴛ ʟᴏᴏᴋs. Mᴀʏʙᴇ ɪ’ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀs ᴛᴀʟᴇɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴀs I ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ.)

Hᴇʏ, ᴅᴀᴅ? Wʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ᴀ ɢʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴇs ᴛᴏ ʟɪꜰᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴄɪᴛᴇs “Mᴀʀʏ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ʟᴀᴍʙ”?

Edison.

Wᴏᴡ. ᴊᴜsᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ? ɪᴍ ʜᴜᴍʙʟᴇᴅ.

Eᴅɪsᴏɴ ɪs ʜᴇsɪᴛᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴇʀꜰᴏʀᴍ, ʙᴜᴛ ʜᴇ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇs ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ. Hɪs ᴠᴏɪᴄᴇ sᴏᴜɴᴅs ᴊᴜsᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ᴠɪᴏʟɪɴ. Iꜰ I ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʜɪᴍ ᴀs ᴀ ᴘᴇᴛ, I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ.

Hᴇ ʜᴏᴘs ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴏɴᴛᴏ Bᴏsᴋᴏ’s (ᴡʜɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀ ʙʀɪᴇꜰ sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ) ʜᴀɴᴅ, ᴀɴᴅ Bᴏsᴋᴏ ɴᴇxᴛ ᴛʀɪᴇs ᴛᴏ ᴘᴜʟʟ ᴏꜰꜰ sᴏᴍᴇ ᴅᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴍᴏᴠᴇs. Iᴛ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀʀᴅ, ʙᴜᴛ ʜᴇ ᴋᴇᴇᴘs ꜰᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ʜɪs ʀᴇᴀʀ ᴇɴᴅ. Hᴏɴᴇʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇs ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ʜᴇʀ sʜᴀʀᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ sʜᴏᴡs ᴏꜰꜰ ʜᴇʀ Tᴇss Gᴀʀᴅᴇʟʟᴀ ᴀɴᴅ Gʀᴇᴛᴀ Gᴀʀʙᴏ ɪᴍᴘʀᴇssɪᴏɴs. Bᴏsᴋᴏ sʜᴏᴡs ᴏꜰꜰ ʜɪs ᴛᴏᴏ. Dᴏɪɴɢ ʜɪs Cʜᴇᴠᴀʟɪᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ Dᴜʀᴀɴᴛᴇ ɪᴍᴘʀᴇssɪᴏɴs. Tᴏ ᴇɴᴅ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴏꜰꜰ, Bᴏsᴋᴏ ɢᴏᴇs ᴀʟʟ ᴏᴜᴛ. Pʟᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴀs ᴍᴀɴʏ ɪɴsᴛʀᴜᴍᴇɴᴛs ᴀs ʜᴇ ᴄᴀɴ, ᴡʜɪʟᴇ Hᴏɴᴇʏ ᴅᴏᴇs sᴏᴍᴇ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏꜰ sᴛʀᴏʙᴇ ᴅᴀɴᴄᴇ. Bᴏsᴋᴏ ᴛʀɪᴇs ʜɪs ɪᴍᴘᴏssɪʙʟᴇ ᴅᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴍᴏᴠᴇ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜɪs ᴛɪᴍᴇ, ʜᴇ ꜰᴀʟʟs ᴏꜰꜰ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀɢᴇ.

Tʜᴇʀᴇ. Nᴏᴡ, ʟᴇᴛ’s sᴇᴇ ɪꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀɴ ɪs sᴀᴛɪsꜰɪᴇᴅ.

I must admit, you’ve done a great job.

Dᴀᴅ? Yᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡʜᴏʟᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ?

Nope, but seeing as how we share a mind, I knew that if you were really my son, you’d type what I wanted to see. I’m proud of you.

Dᴏᴇs ᴛʜɪs ᴍᴇᴀɴ I ᴄᴀɴ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ʀᴇᴀʟ ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

Nope. Have some cat bacon. It’s much tastier than the pork kind.

Wᴇʟʟ, I ɢᴜᴇss ɪ’ᴠᴇ ʟᴇᴀʀɴᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴜᴘᴅᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs ʙʟᴏɢ ɪsɴ’ᴛ ᴀs ᴇᴀsʏ ᴀs ɪᴛ ᴍᴀʏ sᴇᴇᴍ. Aᴛ ʟᴇᴀsᴛ I ɢᴏᴛ ꜰᴇᴅ.

Hope you enjoyed hearing from him. I’ll be doing the rest of the posts, but you’ll definitely see him again sometimes.

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