The alarm goes off at Hook and Ladder Co. No. 1! Porky and the rest of the crew speed off to fight the fire. (Stopping in front of some product placement.) The men punch in, Porky too. (In fact, he wins the lottery doing that.) They begin their duties, but of course, problems arise. Porky yells for the water to be turned on. The little guy by the hydrant slowly and in the most indirect pathway possible walks over to ask what Porky said. Then he walks all the way back in the same manner.
The fire is fierce and refuses to go out without a fight. Many people are still inside as well. A fat woman screams for help, and the little guy climbs the ladder, grabs her, and drops her. (Favorite part.) An old man jumps out the window and uses his beard as a parachute. Another person falls though a smoke cloud and comes out as an unfunny blackface caricature. Porky is so bass (short for bad @$$) that he can scoop the fires into a bucket before putting them out in a fishbowl. A montage of events we just saw take place until finally the fire is out. Or is it? One little flame cautiously peeks out of the rubble and is instantly squirted by the crew. It retaliates by squirting them all back. The villain won this time.
“You think I’m a Benedict Whoozits, or somethin’?”
Directed by Frank Tashlin. Released in 1944
You know what is one of the most heroic birds? Carrier pigeons. Unintentional or not, these amazing birds were the mail carriers we needed during WW’s. But alas, they are not quite at the top of the food chain, and did fall prey to falcons. I mention this, because the short is based on these birds. In a parody of “Dawn Patrol” we see a bunch of pigeons worriedly puffing cigarettes dry in one puff. Seems Homer Pigeon is A.W.O.L. and indeed he is. He is the company of the falcon, Matta Hari! (I like to think she’s a falcon, because a traitor pigeon is tainting my image of these wonders.)
Much like in the Private Snafu short “Censored”, he is slowly led to leaking info to the axis. As dumb as he sounds though, he’s no stool pigeon and refuses to tell. Matta (voiced by Sara Berner. Who you might know as Beaky Buzzard’s mom.) in turn, makes him a drink and once it’s been drunk he can’t stop blabbing. Hitler hears it all and Homer, sadly shoots himself in shame. (Outside of course. Don’t want to make a mess.) What can be done? All the other pigeons can’t do it, because they will just as likely fall prey to her seducing. The answer lies not in a pigeon, but in a duck!
Daffy vows to deliver a secret document, and he won’t be sidetracked because he hates women. (Easy now ladies, I’m sure he didn’t mean it.) He takes off and neither wind, hail, rain or sleet can stop him. He even flies past Matta’s place without a second glance. Until she shows some gam. Then he’s reeled in. (See girls? He may hate your personality, but no straight man can resist your meat.) Daffy isn’t all lost though. Inside, he does his best to not play her games, but her kisses are literally electrifying! He melts away into a crack, but quicky un-melts as soon as she tries to see his paper. He gives her a kiss of his own and she sparks too. Daffy runs but can’t seem to escape her. So, why doesn’t he just leave? It’s scary outside.
Eventually, she has him pinned to the wall with a gun. Daffy shows her! He eats the paper so she can’t ever get it. (Although he regrets having only one secret he can swallow for his country.) Not to be deterred, Matta straps him into an x-ray and phones up the fuhrer to see it. (Wb was ahead of their times. The first skype!) Hitler, Hermann Göringand Joseph Goebbels eagerly look to see. What’s the message? “Hitler is a stinker!” (HAH!) Hitler is understandably mad, as that is no secret. His cronies agree as everyone knows that. (One of the best lines ever.) Embarrassed at their blunder, they shoot themselves. I think we have this war in the bag!
We see the 515, which is a huge speeding train! Obviously, this must be Porky’s vehicle. Why else would his name be in the title? Guesswhatit’snot. Porky is the engineer of a more humble locomotive. Less of a 515, and more of a 13 1/2. Her name is Toots and she’s a crack train. (And so is her driver. Their words, not mine!) How slow is Toots? A snail is easily able to outpace her. But then, she is powered by a lone candle. Plus the occasional sprinkle of pepper to give her a speed boost.
Porky is forced to take a stop as their is a cow on the tracks who refuses to move. Of course, she does move when she feels like it, but while she leaves, a bull passes her by and heads into some nearby bushes. Porky missed this, and when he sees a tail on the tracks, he naturally assumes it’s the cow again. He pulls on it, but luckily finds out it’s not a cow in time, and he speeds off. But more bad news threatens to spoil his day, as the dispatch office is told that Porky’s train should be taken off the rails. Someone new is to take his place in his shiny new ride, “The Silver Fish.”
Porky is sad, but proves he is mature by wishing the new guy good luck. He seems like a decent enough fellow, but he does have the gall to insult Toots. Porky actually confides to us that he is sure his train would win in a race. (He can see me!) That other guy heard it too, and accepts. The race begins and the new driver is clearly the owner of faster material. The Silver Fish can leap over boats, whereas Toots has to drive over them. (Clever nod to Schlesinger’s boat. Why else would it be called the S.S. Leon?)
As Porky is crawling along, he passes by that bull from earlier. And wouldn’t you know it? He’s still mad about Porky pulling his tail. He charges into Toots and the resulting momentum propels her over the finish line! Porky wins and is the new captain of The Silver Fish. (Poor new guy, that was probably his first day on the job.) And Toots? Well, I guess Porky doesn’t want her anymore as she is a passenger on the new train, heading for the last hoosegow. Rest well ole girl. You did great out there.
“When I catch him, I will tear him limb from tree!”
Directed by Frank Tash. Released in 1936
Porky is the proud owner of a game refuge. There is absolutely no hunting, trapping, fishing, and firing around. Sounds great. All the animals definitely think so. But a evil character named Jean-Baptiste, is out setting bear traps, fishing, and just tossing torches around any dang way. (It’s Billy Bletcher again. Who I’m just now realizing has played many of my favorite villains: The Big Bad Wolf, Lawyer Goodwill, The Yellow Scientist, The Pincusion man, just to name a few.)
Cut to two beavers. One named Benny. (Although I’ve read alternate sources saying it’s Betty) who is in the middle of a game of leapfrog with another. (Who I will call either Benny or Betty. Whichever the other one isn’t.) They spy an apple and rush forwards eagerly. But apparently there is only enough for one, and after the tussle, Benny/Betty happily grabs his/her prize. Surprise! It’s a trap. (For shame Jean, hunting beavers with a bear trap.) Betty/Benny runs to go find Porky. (But not before helping herself/himself to the now safe apple.)
She/he gets Porky and he comes back to free the other. (Who is voiced by Bernice Hansen.) But there’s more trouble. A rabbit somehow got only it’s ears caught in one. (How did it end up doing that?) And a weasel got it’s whole body caught in another. (All right I’m going to say it. You purposely let that happen. Masochist.) Jean meanwhile, is not happy to find all of his traps empty, and vows to make Porky pay. Porky however, isn’t running away, he’s running a first-aid station, where he irons out all the animals bodies to straighten them out again.
Jean finds this, and marches in. (And gets his fingers ironed.) Caught, Porky has no chance of escape and Jean roughs him up quite a bit. (Clearly he’s the victim here. I mean his illegal traps were robbed.) Seeing Porky in danger, one of the beavers pulls an alarm (Moose) and alerts all of mother nature’s finest. Bears! Skunks! Turtles? (I figure they’d be hibernating.) All coming to the rescue. Jean tries to flee on skis, but the animals still beat him up with various tools and send him headfirst into the snow, leaving only his skis above ground. The beavers in turn, make this into a see-saw.
At a Foreign Legion outpost, “Le Comandent” comes out to speak to the troops. He has so many medals, he jangles whenever he steps. Looking over everyone, he sees Porky at the end dozing off. He calls him up for a camel wash. As they walk, Porky imitates him, but “Le Comandent” is not amused. Porky tries his best to wash the ungulate, but it keeps standing up and laying down. Whichever is the opposite of Porky’s location.
While that is happening, an injured soldier comes by to deliver a message. It seems like a man named Ali Mode is coming to attack. Everybody rushes out to the rescue. Even Porky. (Riding the camel that I’m pretty sure was established to not be his) “Le” tells him that as a camel scrubber, he is not allowed to come. Claiming he’s not scared, Porky locks up everything anyway. (Says he felt a draft.)
With everyone gone, Ali tries to take advantage of the (what he believes is empty) post. He knocks at the door Porky is hammering shut, and gets the Pig to believe it’s an echo. Soon enough, Porky catches on and Ali’s forces attack. They dig into the base, but Porky chops a tree that lands on all of them, and sends them back outside. Porky defends the whole place, and he kicks butt! Even that camel I don’t think he owns helps out. At the end of the short, it’s revealed that Porky is now “Le Comandant.” (He has so many medals, they hang off of his uniform.) Even that camel gets some recognition. With medals stretched between his humps. (Wait, how’d a bactrian camel get here anyway?)
Ahh. It feels good to be talking about my good pal, Porky again. Our story begins and, “It was a dark and stormy night.” Inside a house, there are six pigs. The majority of which seem frightened out of their wits, but my man Porky is smiling. Until, there’s a knock at the door. That sends all of them into the air. (I would like to point out that Porky IS wearing pants in this short) There’s no need to worry however, it’s only thier good friend, Lawyer Goodwill. (voiced by Billy Bletcher. Yeah, he can play a nice character can’t he?) Apparently, good, old, uncle Solomon Swine, (who looks an awful lot like Olliver Hardy) had passed away. Goodwill is here to read the (good) will. Or rather, he just lets them read it. Is that allowed? Seems their Uncle is leaving his entire house to his niece and nephews. (And he also seems to not want to be burried on the lone prarie.) But wait! There’s more! If they die, then Solomon’s friend, Goodwill gets everything! (They seem a little too interested in reading that part) Goodwill leaves. *phew* I though for sure he’d kill them. I’m sure it’s perfectly normal to have a secret lair in the basement of your dead friends house. Goodwill must be thirsty as he pours himself a nice glass of “Jeckyll and Hyde Juice.” Turning into something I’m sure we’ve all seen in our nightmares at some point, he announces his plan to remove what stands in the way of his inheiritance. (Huh. I never saw it coming.) He tells us all in the audience that we can’t do jack to help. (darn) Especially the guy in the third row. Anyways, Porky and his (siblings? cousins? I don’t think it’s ever stated) are all getting settled in. But the lights keep turning off and on, and each time, another of the pigs dissapear. First, Patrick. Then Peter. And Percy. And then Portus. Until thery’re all gone. Well, acutally, Porky and Petunia just went hiding behind the chair. (Out of all Petunia’s appearances, this is the only one where she and Porky are related.) Goodwill meanwhile, tells the others how he plans to do them in, as soon as he gets the last two. (why not? might as well get it done all at once) Before leaving, he mocks the third row guy again. He captures Petunia quite easily, but I guess decides to have fun with Porky first, as he just follows him in Petunia’s place. When Porky notices, he runs up the stairs and leaps into the safety of Goodwill’s arms. (That juice must give you superhuman abilities. and duck feet) Porky runs again and finds his…sibl…cous…family stuck in some stocks. He frees them, but it appears to be too late! Goodwill has them cornered and moves in for the kill. When, all of a sudden, a chair flies in, hits Goodwill, and lands him in the stocks himself. Who could have done such a kind gesture? It’s the guy in the third row of course. (Voiced by Mel Blanc, in his normal voice)
Well, it is now 2015. So let’s ring in the year with this: Bugs’ only Oscar. Heck, he was only nominated for the award three times. (The first two were in the 40’s.) What did he win against anyway? (*quick google search*) Well, it did beat Disney and their very well told, “Paul Bunyan.” So I guess it counts as a hard earned victory. But this isn’t even Bug’s best short. Does that mean I hate it? No! If you thought that, please go hurt yourself. As for the rest of us, lets get on with it.
King Arthur wants the singing sword which was stolen by the Black Knight. All of his knights refuse to go on such a quest, as the Black Knight has a dragon. Bugs dances in, as he is the jester. He remarks that only a fool would retrieve it. Arthur agrees and sends Bugs off. (Should’ve used better word choice.) The Black Knight it turns out, is Sam. And he does indeed have a dragon, but the beast (Gerry) let his fire go down. Which means he now has a cold. (Brilliant.) They are both asleep and Bugs manages to take the sword very easily.
Wondering why it has its title, the answer is given as it begins emitting music in his hands. This wakes both the knight and the dragon who give chase. Bugs escapes with them hot on his tail. (Gerry looks a bit horshish to me. Almost as if he was originally going to BE a horse, and they just drew scales around him.) Ducking into a hole, Bugs doubles back to the castle, and raises the drawbridge. (Dropping it on Sam when he demands he lower it.) Sam tries a catapult, (with results similar to “Sahara Hare”) and throwing a rope and climbing it. (Bugs uses a hammer to smack him back down.)
Later, seeing that the coast appears clear, Bugs sneaks out. Sam and Gerry were hiding but their position is given away when the creature sneezes. They chase again, and Bugs ends up locking them in a room full of explosives. Sam tells the dragon that if he sneezes, they’ll end up on the moon. As Bugs walks away, the entire tower blasts off. Waving goodbye, he marches off, a job well done. The sword playing “Aloha” to see us off.
Personal Rating: 3. I’m glad Bugs was finally recognized for his Oscar-worthy talents. It’s just a shame it couldn’t have been with a cartoon really showcasing them.
At a local theater, a show is just now closing. It is the “Ice Frolics” and it appears that their claim to fame is a skating penguin. Why, it’s Playboy. Haven’t seen him since “Frigid Hare.” (He’s not as cute as he was there. But he is getting his name.) But, uh oh! Looks like the rest of the crew forgot him! He desperately tries to catch up, but penguins weren’t exactly made for running. Or flying. In fact, unless he’s chasing a submarine, it’s probably hopeless.
While on the chase, he falls into Bug’s rabbit hole and wakes him up. Bugs is initially hostile, but softens up when the bird tears up. Apologizing, he agrees to help him find his way home. To his dismay, he finds his new charge is a penguin, and they primarily live at the south pole. (Although they do live in other places you know. Africa, the Galapagos, Australia…) But a promise is a promise. As they make their way south on a train, Bugs again announces his unhappiness. (We also have an adorable shot of Playboy hugging Bugs.) Playboy begins to tear up again, and Bugs apologizes saying he can’t bear to see him cry.
A hobo on the car agrees. Why, Penguins is practically chickens. (Well, they are both birds. So, sure.) And crying chickens make him so unhappy, he has to put them out of their misery. Coming to the rescue, Bugs points out that rabbits are bigger than penguins. (Not really, but sure.) The hobo agrees abandoning the bird, and trying to get his mitts on Bugs. Bugs easily kicks him off the train. At New Orleans, Bugs has apparently had enough, and sends Playboy off on a boat to go the rest of the way. After it sets off Bugs overhears that it’s heading back to Brooklyn. Bugs swims after it, and rescues Playboy from being on the menu. (Are penguins really as tasty as this short suggests? I should test it.)
They make their way to an Island where Bugs forces the bird to build them a boat. Then Humphrey Bogart appears and quotes “The treasure of the Sierra Madre” asking for money. Bugs angrily gives him some. Later at sea, Bugs is going mad with hunger. The hobo’s words echo in his head and he nearly gives in to temptation. Luckily, they seem to have hit land! Bugs however, is not willing to pay 25 cents to pass through the Panama Canal. He opts to travel by land. It’s not long before they are captured by natives and are prepared to be cooked. (Okay, I really need a penguin hot dog now!)
Suddenly, something appears that sends them into a panic! It’s Bogart again. Bugs more happily gives him change this time. After many perilous obstacles, Bugs finally delivers Playboy to the actual pole. As Bugs turns to leave, Playboy begins crying ice cubes. He shows Bugs a flyer. He’s actually the only Hoboken born Penguin. (You’d think he would have shown him that sooner.) Bogart appears again, ready to ask for more money, but Bugs gives HIM the penguin this time and runs off.
While he is tunneling to visit family, Bugs strikes gold! (With his head.) His happiness quickly turns to paranoia, as he wonders how he will keep it safe. His fear is justified, as he is being watched by none other than Nasty Canasta. (Not only not appearing with Daffy this time, but also looking like less of a threat. Either way, we know he is not going to win against Bugs.) Canasta sets up a fake bank, and Bugs happily deposits his fortune. As Canasta ties it to his donkey/mule Bugs changes his mind and asks for it back. Canasta responds by folding up Bugs in the fake bank, placing a rock on top and riding off. (What do you know? He did “win after all.”)
6 months pass, and it looks as if Canasta has used his ill-gotten funds to build a casino. He is busy putting invisible ink on the cards with someone walks in. To us, it looks like Bugs Bunny. To Canasta, he looks like the worlds largest lollipop. He asks if he can use Canasta’s “telly-o-phone”. (A slot machine.) Canasta lets him do so. Bugs puts his coin in and pulls the lever. He asks the “operator” for his ma, and complains to her that he needs money. He wins the jackpot and thanks his mother. As he leaves, Canasta (Amazed at what just happened, but not going to allow someone to win in his joint.) asks if he would like to stay and play some games. Bugs suggests marbles and Canasta agrees.
He shows him how HIS version is played. (It’s roulette.) Bugs bets a penny and wins. (Because the game is rigged, and Canasta has buttons to stop the ball on whatever number he wants.) He tells Bugs that in his casino, the customer always wins. (“Really?” asks Bugs in a hysterical manner. Kills me every time.) Later, it’s shown that Bugs has now bet just about all he’s already won. Canasta hammers a block of wood, into the spot Bugs keeps betting on. (A small problem I have: why does he need to do that? He tells Bugs it’s so no one else can bet on it, but it’s rigged. He doesn’t need to worry about that.) He has the ball land on double zero and he laughs so hard, he pounds the table and the ball ends up landing in the knothole of the wood.
Bugs goes to leave, but Canasta suggests they play a game of draw poker next. Bugs is willing to try. Canasta explains that the player with the biggest hand wins, and Bugs blows up one of his gloves. (Canasta: “Cut it out, can’t ya?) Bugs begins to leave again, but Canasta apologizes and Bugs is willing to give him one more try. They play, and Canasta has a full house. Bugs is not sure he won, because all he got was two pair. (A pair of ones, and another pair of ones.) Having enough, Canasta pulls his gun on Bugs saying their going to play another game. (This must be the way they play marbles in Russia.)
Bugs wonders if all you do is spin the revolver. He does so, and even more money pours from the gun. Presumably having gotten his stuff back, Bugs leaves while Canasta tries spinning the gun. It blows up in his face. Bugs tells us our moral: NEVER try to steal karats from rabbits.
Our short takes place in the Sahara. (Natch.) Bugs tunnels into the big sandbox and leaps out excited. He believes he is at Miami Beach and happily runs off to find the surf. Not having any luck, he DOES come across the worlds smallest oasis. He decides he might as well try it and dives in. (Ouch.) Out of the desert comes Sam on a camel. Accurately, it only has one hump. Angered at the footprints all over “his” desert, he follows them.
Bugs is bathing in the oasis that seems to have gotten bigger. He stumbles out looking for something to dry his face, as Sam forces his camel to stop. Bugs rips the sheet off of Sam’s hat and invokes his wrath. Here, his name is Riff-Raff Sam and he chases Bugs to an abandoned Foreign Legion outpost. Even though it has a gate, Bugs closes the door. (Which conveniently becomes a drawbridge to drop on Sam’s head.) Sam tries to get in by pole vaulting, (into a stone) chiseling a brick away, (to find a cannon aimed at him), and trying to break the door down with an Asian elephant. (In Africa? You guys got the camel right.) Bugs sends out a wind-up mouse which scares the creature so much, that not only does it lose its tusks, but it uses Sam to bat at the rodent.
Eventually, Sam finds the secret entrance inside. Surprise, surprise, there’s another door. He keeps opening doors to find more doors. Bugs is putting them up faster than Sam can open them. The mass of doors leads to a booby trap that will explode when the last one is open. As Bugs walks away, he wonders if Sam is really stubborn enough to open all the doors. One explosion later answers his question. Then, of all people, Daffy pops out of the sand, happy to be at “Miami Beach.” (Ducks are well known for burrowing without rabbit’s help.) Bugs tries to inform him of his mistake, ultimately deciding he can figure it out himself.
