You Ought to be in Pictures

“You mean to say you want to get out of your cartoon contract?”

Once upon a time, Friz Freleng left Warner Bros. for MGM. Long story short, he hated it. He did get his old job back and this was his short he made to thank everyone for the welcome home.

At the Warner Bros. studio, everyone goes for lunch. Daffy tells Porky that his talent is too great to be squandered in cartoons and that he should go into the full-length movies. Porky somewhat agrees, and goes to talk to Schelsinger. (Interesting note. Leon is the only one doing his own voice. Everyone else (including the studio guard played by Micahel Maltese) is played by Blanc) He lets Porky out of his contract, knowing he’ll be back.

Porky leaves for the movie studio, but the guard won’t let him in. (I don’t know if he’s being a dick or he doesn’t know who Porky is.) Porky disguises himself as Olliver Hardy and sneaks in. He disrupts a film, is thrown out, and decides to get his old job back. Daffy meanwhile has used this opportunity to sell himself as the new star. When Porky comes back and discovers this, he beats Daffy to a pulp, and gets his own job back. Happy, he gets back on the drawing board and throws a tomato at Daffy.

Personal Rating: 5

Stage Door Cartoon

“Bewieve it or not, I’m hunting a cewtain wascawwy wabbit.”

Elmer is hunting Bugs and has a genius idea of using a fishing pole. Bugs hooks it to Elmer’s pants and then offers to help reel him in. Finding him too small, Bugs throws him back and then Fudd chases him into the city. There, Bugs hides in a theater for cover and Elmer follows. He traps Bugs on stage where in order to please the crowd, he dances, and then plays a piano Elmer is hiding in.

When the curtain comes up again, Bugs gets Elmer to dive into a glass of water and then gets him to make faces at the audience. Bugs puts on a disguise and the next thing Elmer knows, he’s being arrested by a sheriff, (Pretty much a Proto-Yosemite Sam.) for his indecency. As they leave, a Bugs Bunny short comes on and the sheriff insists they watch.

It turns out to be the cartoon we are watching right now and when Elmer sees Bug’s putting on a disguise he pulls off the sheriff’s clothes to reveal… a sheriff in his underwear. As the sheriff takes Fudd away to be hung, Bugs reveals he disguised himself as the music conductor.

Personal Rating: 3

Rhapsody Rabbit

“Franz Liszt?”

Cartoon network turned twenty this year, so I feel its my duty to talk about where it all started. The very first thing to air on this channel was this cartoon.

The plot is very simple. Bugs is going to play my favorite piece of music, but we all know that other things will happen. First things first! Bugs kills someone who won’t stop coughing. (Hey, this is off to a great start!) He begins to play and catches the attention of a mouse who joins in, to Bugs’s annoyance. Later the mouse tries to watch Bugs play despite the fact Bugs does not want it to watch.

With the first part of the piece done, the mouse gets Bugs to play something more modern. Bugs joins in but afterwards shoves a TNT stick in with the mouse. The piano plays taps, but there is no time for Bugs to grieve as it’s time for the final part and it looks to be a monster. Bugs prepares to play a piece that may kill him, but before he begins, the mouse, with his own piano beats him to the punch. At least he lets Bugs play the last three notes.

Personal Rating: 4

The Hep Cat

“Say, are you followin me?”

In this, the first Looney Tune in color, (the ones before were Merrie Melodies) A cat walks by a doghouse to the tune of “5 o clock whistle.” The dog (Willoughby, but he is here named Rosebud) chases after him, but fails. A bird tells him he almost got the cat, but the dog says that this happens every night. Out of danger, the cat begins to sing about how irresistible he is to females. Cue girl.

This cat is creepy! Look! Her feet have stilettos! She literally gives him the cold shoulder, but his luck seems to change when he gets a note calling him over the fence. He gleefully runs over, only to run into Rosebud and they chase again. Later, he sees a hot girl and begins to make out with her. He doesn’t realize its Rosebud with a puppet until its too late. They chase again, and the cat loses the dog on a clothesline. He goes back to his make out session. (Okay, that puppet is hot.) The bird comes back to tell him its not real. This does not bother him in the slightest.

Personal Rating: 3

Hollywood Steps Out

“50 dollars!?”

It’s a cartoon caricaturing famous Hollywood stars! (And they look rather creepy, I might add. Good thing the impressions are spot on!) Carry Grant buys some cigarettes from Greta Garbo and she uses her shoe to light it. Panning to the right we see a Leon Scheslinger cameo as well as a table set for Blondie and Dagwood, and a fire hydrant for Daisy. (Odd choice.)

Humphrey Bogart, James Cagney, and Geore Raft pitch pennies and Harpo Marx gives Garbo a hot foot. Bing Crosby introduces our musical act as Stokowski composes. Boris Karloff dances stiffly, the 3 stooges poke each other to the beat, and Olliver Hardy dances with 2 women at once. Sally Ran does a bubble dance (She even tosses the bubble up, but we don’t see any nudity, you pervs.) Peter Lorre comments on the beauty of the bubble, and Henry Fonda gets punished by his mother for watching.

The dance ends when Harpo pops the bubble. (Good thing she was wearing a barrel underneath.) This whole time, Clark Gable has been chasing a blonde. He catches her only to find out it was Groucho in drag.

Personal Rating: 3 (unless you are a real film buff who knows who the parodies are today, then it just might reach the 4 tier.)

A Corny Concerto

“Gweetings, music wovers.”

Its a parody of “Fantasia” which is one of the finest films ever. So what would a Looney Tune based on it be? About 629,087,356.5 times better!  (Give or take.)

Our host is Elmer (as parody of Deems Taylor) and he lets us know the first segment will be “Tales from the Vienna woods” (All the while his dicky is giving him problems) It is a classic tale of a hunter going after Bugs. Since Elmer is on host duty, it’s none other than Porky who takes on the job. (One of the very few times Porky appeared on screen with Bugs.) Porky’s dog finds Bugs and learns that this will not be so easy.

Porky and the dog dive into a bush which Bugs is hiding in, and soon Bugs tosses their gun away. It lands in a tree infuriating a squirrel who takes aim and fires. The three hold their chests assuming the worst. Porky and the dog turn out to be fine, but when Bugs peeks at his supposed wound he passes out. Porky and the dog try to get his hands open to see the wound and instead find a BRA! Bugs screams, places the brassiere on the two’s heads, and dances into the sunset.

Elmer informs us that the next segment will be “The Blue Danube” (As his pants fall down now) It is a tale of the ugly duckling. This time however, it really is a duckling as opposed to a swan. A baby Daffy to be precise. (There you have it. Clampett also created “Baby Looney Tunes”) He wants to join a family of swans, but the mother refuses to have him around. The family is spotted by a vulture who decides to have the cygnets for brunch. (He doesn’t want Daffy either)

The mother swan passes out when she finds out, and Daffy flies to their rescue. He knocks the vulture out and hands him TNT which kills him. (I’ve seen this part on an episode of Bill Nye) Daffy is now accepted as part of the swans family and swims with them. (His reflection crashes into a tree)

Personal Rating: 5

Book Revue

“It’s Frankie!”

Warner bros. did a lot of cartoons where books come to life and this may be their last one, but it’s probably their finest. (It was directed by Clampett after all)

It’s midnight and all things literature have sprung to life. A Cherokee strip causes the sea wolf to howl and the complete works of Shakspeare to go haywire. Henry VIII wants to join in but is called back by his mother of the Aldrich family and she spanks him, only stopping then she sees Frank Sinatra whose voice makes all the little women faint and mother goose to go crazy. This goes into a musical number.

Daffy jumps off a Looney Tunes comic book and tells them to shut up. Getting some clothes out of the Saratoga Trunk, he dresses as Danny Kaye and sings his own song. He warns Little Red Riding Hood about the wolf and only just realizes his leg being salted. (In a blink and you’ll miss it scene, Daffy becomes a giant eye. This gag would be reused in “Tiny Toons” as a disease called “Clampettitus.”)

He hides in the petrified forest while the long arm of the law throws the wolf into jail for life. (Magazine) He easily breaks free but ends up falling down skid row, almost right into Dante’s Inferno. He nearly escapes but Sinatra’s singing makes him fall back in. In celebration everyone dances and has a good time… before the wolf tells them to knock it off.

Personal Rating: 4 (Just barely misses the 5 mark. I wouldn’t fault you for thinking it ranks higher.)

Back Alley Oproar

“Boy, am I Sweepy!”

A remake of an old cartoon called “Notes to You” (I should really talk about these cartoons in chronological order. I apologize for any confusion)

Elmer is tired. So tired in fact, that he leaps into his bed before the light goes out. Unfortunately, Sylvester has chosen his fence to sing for the night. Elmer throws many objects at him to shut up but the only one that manages to hit is a pair of shoes. Sylvester used these to stomp out the second Hungarian rhapsody but Elmer ties him up and covers his mouth. (Did those shoes just change color?)

Soon the putty tat is at it again and he greases Elmer’s steps and scatters tacks at the bottom. Elmer gets a golf club and slips and hurts his feet, then turns around and does it again to get his gun. Sylvester has his understudy come in to take his place, but Elmer pins him up against a wall with the gun anyway. He lures Fudd back to sleep with a lullaby and as soon as he is back in bed wakes him up again. Elmer has had enough and grabs some dynamite. But as soon as he lights the fuse, it blows up. In heaven, Elmer takes some solace that he should be able to get some sleep, but Sylvester was caught in the blast too, and now Elmer has to put up with his 9 (Or is it 19?) lives as well.

Personal Rating: 4

Duck Soup to Nuts

“C-c-c’mon out or i’ll b-b-blow your head off!”

Daffy is minding his own business when a hunting Porky comes to shoot him. (Porky seems to have some kind of bad suntan.) Daffy tries to discourage him by showing off his talents but Porky won’t buy it. After a chase that includes Daffy in the gun and Porky getting bumps on his head, Daffy hides underwater where Porky can’t get him.

After failing to get him with a diving helmet, Porky drains the lake. (He’s determined.) He finds Daffy flopping around but refuses to believe he’s a fish. Daffy retaliates by refusing to believe the hunter is a pig. He’s an eagle. They argue, and Daffy pulls the ole switcheroo, (That gag will never get old) and Porky jumps off a tree to prove his eagle prowess.

Out of bullets in his rifle, Porky pulls out a pistol and prepares to kill Daffy. Daffy begs to say goodbye to his family. Porky feels he can’t shoot a married duck with children and leaves. As soon as he’s gone the other ducks reveal themselves to be friends of Daffy’s. They all laugh…until Porky comes back for revenge.

Personal Rating: 3

The Great Piggy Bank Robbery

“Fantastic! And furthermore, its unbelieva…ble!”

Daffy waits for his mail to the tune of “Powerhouse.” (and he even says “Thufferin Thuccotash” one of two times I can recall) his patience is rewarded with a new Dick Tracy comic book. He eagerly pours over each exciting panel and wishes he could be the man he admires. He accidentally knocks himself out and imagines that scenario.

Duck Twacy (Daffy) is getting numerous phone calls about missing piggy banks. He dismisses it as small stuff until he realizes his was stolen too. He immediately gets to the gangsters hideout (Porky cameo, yay!) and is met by the worst of the worst including: Mouseman, Pumpkinhead, Pussycat Puss, Batman, 88 Teeth, Neon Noodle, Double Header, and Wolfman. the chase is on! (Hey look! There’s an original Tracy villain: Flattop!)

Daffy makes pies out of Pumpkinhead and is tackled by most of the others. His body parts squirm out and he murders them with a Tommy-gun. Neon Noodle tries to get him, but hes turned into an “Eat at Joe’s sign”. Daffy finds the stolen goods and kisses the bank that’s his. He then wakes up to find himself kissing a sow.

Personal Rating: 5