Category: Daffy Duck

WOOHOO! HOOHOO! Here is everything that Daffy ever appeared in. Will you read them? No? You’re despicable.

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Ducking the Devil

“I juthst gotta have that 5 g’ths!”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by George Grandpre and Ted Bonnicksen; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by Bill Butler; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on August 17, 1957.

A Taz cartoon without Bugs! The only one in fact! And probably my favorite to boot! Let’s dig in!

That armored vehicle isn’t going to any bank. Its cargo is far and away more valuable. (But less deadly.) This truck is en route to the zoo to deliver the latest exhibit: a Tasmanian Devil. The keeper tries to keep the beast under control with his poking trident, but the brute not only bites it apart, he escapes from his delivery crate. The patrons need a moment to take it in before realizing this is a perfect panic scenario. They flee en masse, and I’m glad to say there were zero casualties. Well, on the devil’s part. Some were trampled in the mobs.

Important stories like this are fit to print, and Daffy reads about it in his paper. He’s never heard of such an animal, but the article fills him in on the important stuff. It’s powerful and perpetually hungry, and fancies wild duck above all other game. But we in the zoological field know that its favorite food is really whatever is co-staring at the moment. Daffy is a little disturbed, but piles on the bravado by claiming he is no coward.

Taz recycles his way over for the second time in the year! It’s a fine enough part to be proud of, but it could have also been fun to see what new things Taz could spin through. He’s got two more chances before we’ll have gone through his entire filmography. I know the outcome, but I’ll stay mum on it just in case you’re going to be patient enough to find out what it is in time. Daffy admits to being a coward and tries to hide under the water. Sea devils aren’t as vicious as the land ones.

She-sea devil
Of course, I could be wrong.

Insatiable hunger is bosom buddies with insatiable thirst, and Taz downs the whole pond. As is convenient for the plot, Daffy forgets he can fly and flees on feet. He catches his breath at Hamburger Center and overhears the radio stating that a reward is being offered to get the cowardly populace to take action. This is the grand poobah of invasive species here, wimps. And he’s way too valuable to just put down. Plus, our modern medicines can help prevent him from ever getting DFT.

Daffy is sold the minute cash is brought up. I like that his greed outweighs his fear. The only problem is how he’s going to get the creature back since they’re at least ten miles away. (Oh, excuse me, those of you who use metric. That equals to 52,800 feet.) Well, the radio has an answer to that problem too! The Tasmanian Devil becomes docile when exposed to music. And for the longest time, I always though that was just an established bit of Taz lore. That’s because after seeing this short as a kid, I saw this:

Two different instances. It had to be a well known fact.

Daffy alerts the Devil to his presence and tries to turn the radio back on. He turned it off for the sake of this joke, you understand. And said joke gives it a bit of trouble in trying to find the music station again. (Love that “YIPPEE!” Think I heard that used in a “Humongous Entertainment” title once.) He gets the tunes at the last possible moment, and it works like a charmed animal. Taz is putty in this attack pause. Daffy leads him back.

They don’t make it too far. The cord comes unplugged and Taz reverts to his carnivorous ways. Daffy mails away for a trombone. The instrument I’d most likely believe was invented by a Toon. He can play it well, but loses the slide part when it gets caught in tree branches. So he next ties some bagpipes. This does jack all because the radio said Tasmanian Devils are soothed by music. (That’s an awesome joke. See why this one is my fave?)

Well, there’s only one other alternative. Daffy isn’t a songbird, but he starts singing all the same. Wouldn’t you know it? Works like a char- yeah, I’m not typing that again. Time to get movin’ right along! Ten miles isn’t the farthest you can walk, (I’d wager that would be the length from Portugal to Russia.) but have you ever tried to sing the entire length? Daffy’s voice is starting to waver by mile 7. You can feel the discomfort in his larynx. Mel, why haven’t they written one of those “Who is/was?” books about you yet? You’re more amazing than every human being who isn’t you.

Daffy manages to get Taz back to the zoo and back in his prison. Then, yes, Daffy actually gets his mitts on some money. Another reason why I hold this one high.

Favorite Part: What comes right after. Daffy is counting his wad, but he drops the final bill and Taz grabs it for himself. Without hesitation, the duck rushes in to the enclosure and gives the devil a thrashing to within an inch of his life. Bugs has to rely on his wits. Daffy just beat up the mammalian equivalent of an atom bomb. His greed might just rival Wario’s.

Personal Rating: 4. Especially when standing next to the other Taz shorts. This really stands  out as a deviant.

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Person to Bunny

“It ain’t much of a hutch, but it’s home.”

Bugsy pal! There’s a friend here to see ya!

Directed by Friz Freleng; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Art Davis, Gerry Chiniquy, and Virgil Ross; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Tom O’Loughlin; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on April 1, 1960.

(Not gonna lie. I always get this one confused with “People are Bunny“.)

Person to Person with Edward Murrow will not be airing today. His poor, unloved brother, Edward Burrows, really wanted a chance to host a show and we couldn’t say no to his face. He looks like a quoll, and they can get away with anything. (In case you’re wondering, his last name is different because he’s adopted.) It might not be a good idea from a business standpoint, but he knows how to do it: interview somebody that is known the world over. How about the biggest rabbit in show biz, Bugs?

Bugs accepts, and his hole is now littered with studio lights and cameras. Two-way cameras, it seems. Bugs can see his interviewer even if we can’t. (Well, you can’t. I already described what he looks like.) The interview has barely started when Daffy comes knocking at the door. He seems to have been unaware of Bugs’s day, but, no, he’s probably just being coy. This is being broadcast live, isn’t it? And he tells Burrows that he watches the show. It all adds up.

Surprisingly, Bugs isn’t having it today. He almost never loses his cool with Daffy. Least not so early in the cartoon. Perhaps because the duck is footage-bombing this time? He drags him out, much to Daffy’s chagrin. First question for Bugs: how is he able to outwit someone as intelligent; as brainy; as genius as Elmer J. Fudd? Bugs is blunt. He claims that Fudd is none of those things. In fact, his exact words are that “His I.Q. is P.U.” That’s a really good jab. If my autistic brain would let me say “P.U.” out loud, I’d be using it.

Daffy isn’t the only fan of the show. Elmer saw and heard the whole thing and isn’t happy. He arrives as Bugs’s place calling him to appear, or be labeled a coward. Sounds serious. Bugs puts things on hold to handle this, giving Daffy a chance to go ham in Burrow’s off screen face. Elmer demands an apology. And, yeah, he kind of deserves it. Isn’t this short suggesting that they are aware they are co-stars making pictures together? Is Bugs always so hostile off the set? I used to look up to you, man. Er, lagomorph.

Bugs sticks to his guns by plugging Elmer’s with his carrot. Going back down, he finds what Daffy has been up to. With Elmer right outside the door, Bugs attempts to kill one bird with one stone by suggesting Daffy perform in front of the zoom-r lens. Being Fudd’s rifle, Daffy gets his beak bent for the umpteenth time. Unamused, Daffy claims that Bugs isn’t special. Anyone could do his shtick if they have a rabbit outfit and a carrot. He demonstrates, and Elmer mistakes him for the real thing.

Daffy corrects the mistake, and Bugs leads Elmer off his property in a chase. Once again, Daffy takes the spotlight. This time to reuse some footage from “Show Biz Bugs”. Bugs gets rid of Elmer with one of his best gags that we haven’t seen since “The Big Snooze“. The one where Elmer chases him through a log, and Bugs pushes one of its ends over a cliff. Sadly, they don’t go all the way. Elmer just sits in the log confused after the second attempt. That’s not nearly as funny. And the opposite of comedy is tragedy, so I guess you better start crying.

Back home, Bugs once again finds Daffy was actually calling the kettle black when he called Bugs a camera hog. Bugs decides that the only way to get rid of him is to let him perform. Daffy is delighted and asks if his friends will see him. What friends? Porky? Or….

Do you mean Porky?

Bugs lets him know that his friends are just a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of the people who will be watching. The normal viewing audience for this show is at minimum four million. Since Bugs gets to act different today, Daffy demands he get to as well. He faints upon hearing that number. Too bad we’re out of time. I didn’t get to ask Bugs my question. (Do you have any footage for “Bye, Bye, Bunny” that I can view?)

Favorite Part: When Daffy’s bill is bent upward. Not only does he look super pissed, but his voice sounds all muffly. And speaking of voices…

Personal Rating: 3

Actually, I was going to ask that you take off your hats in reverence for the last time we would hear Arthur Q. Bryan’s perform as Fudd. He was sadly dead by the time this one came out, and we’ve never had a better performance. (Though, I always thought Billy West came the closest.)

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The Henpecked Duck

“Say, is there a magician in the house?”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by John Carey; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on August 30, 1941.

Everybody wants a divorce these days! It’s almost as if romance was a myth all along. I mean, I’ve had my suspicions, but this isn’t about me. The proceedings take place in the court of inhuman relations. Naturally, I’d expect no fairer judge than Porky. Anything he declares just, I do. First case: the duck family. Daffy approaches as miserable as one can be. This must be some screw-up for him to take things this seriously. The maybe soon to be ex-Mrs. approaches determinedly. She really wants that divorce!

Porky asks that she explain why she’d want to part with such a catch. Sure, he’s a bit… or rather he is Daffy, but it’s not like he’d be abusive. Please elaborate. This began when she was going to visit her mother. She and her husband were expecting their first child, so Daffy was going to be incubating them. It already seems like things weren’t working out in Daffy’s favor. Mrs. Duck threatens him bodily harm, doubts his ability to stay focused, and the brow-beaten guy can only reply with a quiet “Yes, m’love.”

Until she’s out of the house and he feels like he can act how he really feels. Mockingly repeating his latest catchphrase and making faces. Revealing she was still within earshot, he returns to the nest on his best behavior. Yeah, I think the poor dear needs to escape such a shrewish wench. Just because we’re guys doesn’t mean the marriage always fails because of us! The flashback keeps going, so I guess Daffy told her this part. Given what we’ve seen, I’m surprised she isn’t trying to embellish it more in her favor. “Yes, Daffy starting to abort our duckling via anvil. Also, he was giving cigarettes to minors.”

Well, Daffy by name also means daffy by nature. It wasn’t long before he was bored of sitting still and starting playing around with the egg. He smashes it between his palms, but there’s no trace of shell, albumen or embryo. It’s disappeared! Then with some awesome magic words: “Hocus-pocus, flippity flam, a-razzamatazz and alakazam!”, the egg reappears without a scratch on it! Look at Daffy’s reaction! Even he is amazed that this worked. Then he… steps out of the scene? Is that right? He clearly steps down onto… nothing. Is it suggesting he came out of the picture to entertain on stage? What am I missing? I just want my life to be complete!

Well, if you can do something once, logic says you can do it again. (I’ve actually died half a dozen times. You just haven’t noticed.) Nope! No dice! That egg is gone! Trapped in the space between spaces. What a place to be born! If that’s even a possibility, of course. Daffy panics. Sure, the wife won’t be pleased, but that was his child too! Over and over, he repeats his chant, saying ‘alakazam’ so much that you could mistake him for a Pokemon, but he gets no results. And time isn’t feeling particularly kind today. It continues to keep moving forward. Time is mean and I don’t like it.

Oh, crap! Look who is actually returning! I was sure she was having a beautiful rest, and deciding she’d never go back to her nest. Daffy needs an egg to fool her, but the closest thing available is a doorknob. As long as it stays pointed down, she’ll never be able to tell. Duck eggs are always as cold as a brass monkey! Where did you think the phrase ‘cold duck’ came from? It rolls over just as he’s sitting, and mama catches on very fast. That brings us to today. Now, I can take her side.

Daffy pleads with Porky to give him just one more chance. I don’t think I’ve made my feelings on Porky clear enough in the fourteen years I’ve been doing this. *ahem* PORKY IS SUCH A STAND UP GUY THAT HE IS WILLING TO LET THE PHSYCOPATH HAVE ANOTHER SHOT AT WHAT HE FAILED TO DO HALF A BILLION TIMES!!! BECAUSE HE BELIEVES IN HIM AND WANTS TO SEE TRUE LOVE PREVAIL!!!! ALSO, HE’D SHARE HIS LUNCH WITH YOU!!!

I’m cool. Listen to me. Anyway, Daffy gives it one final shot, but this time he adds a little something: a prayer. And that was the missing ingredient. Of course! God forsakes all magic that does not come from him, and was waiting to be asked for forgiveness! (My sister just became a missionary. Hats off to her, if you please.) The couple makes up, and the egg hatches. All is beautiful, all is well.

Favorite Part: When Daffy sits on the pointy-side up doorknob, he makes a face. A face that says he didn’t know he was about to be goosed.

But that doesn’t mean he minded.

Personal Rating: 3

And of all the years to not be invited to San Diego Comic-con as a guest! I can’t believe I missed out on seeing the reveal trailer of “Coyote Vs Acme”! Me! The Internet’s looniest fan! I’m that. Believe me. If I don’t see that footage by next week, I’ll… I’ll… Gosh. What will I do?

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The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie (First Thoughts)

“Let’s get looney!”

Time to show some gumption!

No need to worry, this is a good movie. Very good. D*mn good! Though I didn’t think it great. Let’s discuss. (There’ll probably be a few spoilers.)

Plot: Porky and Daffy are farm boys. Well, farm animals. Found by a man named Farmer Jim, (who I swear is Tom’s father.) he raised the two to adulthood before leaving the movie. I’m sure he died, but the film doesn’t take it too seriously, so I don’t. Now on their own, the two are in danger of losing the house they’ve grown up in. After some trial and many errors, the two manage to get employment with the local gum factory. Unfortunately, an alien invader who has no name (almost like the creators were begging me to do the honors,) has a plan to control all life on the planet via chewing gum. What’s his ultimate goal? How will our heroes stop him? Is this a worthy successor to its source material? Even if I give you some answers, you better still go see it. It deserves your money and attention.

So, let me just address my biggest problem with the film. And it’s really a me problem. I find the whole story, kind of weak. Just in theatrical terms. While I’m happy to see some gorgeous hand-drawn animation on a big screen again, the story feels like a direct-to-streaming idea. But the animation really is top-notch stuff. As are the jokes. I couldn’t stop smiling. Not every joke landed a winner, but the majority did. Some of which I really didn’t see coming, so the humor hit even harder.

Examples: Farmer Jim looks like a photograph. They’re just remembering him that way? Possibly, but that means only his mouth and eyes move. When he has to walk, he reveals his South Park roots. When our two stars wake up and we see song birds in their house, it’s an homage to Disney, right? It’s more likely they just entered through the hole in the roof that was easily forgotten about earlier. These are well written, and well executed.

And the fan service is top-notch. Smartly, they limit it to stuff relating just to Porky and Daffy’s shorts. Porky reads a book about Gabby, there’s a coffee shop named after Beans, (clever) Duffy makes a cameo, Porky’s piggy bank got stolen once, they wear familiar hats, I caught a snippet of the 60’s Looney Tunes theme, Petunia has a picture of Fluffnums, and they eat a diner called Clampett’s. While there, they are served by a waitress that is screaming celebrity cameo inside. It got me wondering if she was voiced by Bob’s daughter, and lo and behold…

Funny and fun! Good combo! Let’s talk about the character one next.

The origin story gets the job done in a satisfactory way, essentially making the two brothers. I’m fine with that. It would have been cool if they had been adopted by a same-sex couple named Friz and Tex, but that could be seen as insulting. No big deal. Daffy is indirectly responsible for Porky’s stutter. I really prefer Mel’s take on it, but I can’t see that being conveyed unless Porky just told the audience point blank about Blanc’s point. Porky is the straight-laced responsible one, who offsets Daffy’s wacky screwiness. Worked wonders in the past, and wasn’t lost to time. Excellent!

Even some character development occurs. Porky learns to trust that Daffy can be competent, while Daffy realizes to ease up on the loony juice a bit. I think Porky’s more in the wrong there, but it doesn’t change Daffy as a character to learn something. I was a bit concerned that Daffy kept laying eggs, even if he has done that before, it wiggs me out. But they addressed that as a joke as well, so I’m satiated.

Let’s talk about Petunia next. I’m happy to say she is more than Porky’s object of desire, even if its love at first sight for him. (Making a literal cute joke about how Porky sees her most mundane actions as the most beautiful ones.) She has her own wants and goals, but becomes interested in Porky in an organic, if slightly fast way. They also forego any instances of Daffy getting jealous of her. Best of all, she’s got a real personality.

She’s a nerd. Not an over-the-top stereotype, but someone who is very smart and has a keen interest in he work. Great idea! We’ve had smart characters before, but this is a new twist. She’s also got this thing about hating the fact that the company she works for keeps giving the public the same thing with a different package instead of trying to take risky, but creative chances. Now, who was it that Clampett loved parodying? I couldn’t have been the only one who interpreted things like that.

Our antagonist, simply called The Invader by the credits, is a lot of fun. Whoever was animating him was having the time of their life. But we have to spoil a major plot point regarding him. Better skip to the next paragraph break if you haven’t seen the film. Maybe the one after that to be safe. As it turns out, he’s not evil. His plan is actually meant to benefit the planet. Problem is, that twist comes right out of nowhere. No clever hints to catch, and the film portrays him as evil as they possibly can.

Good thing that doesn’t bother me. His reasoning for why he’s doing this ends up being another funny joke, that is still a selfish reason, so it works. And the turnaround happens a good 7/10ths through, so there’s time to come to grips with things. And I really like his plan. Putting something into gum that makes chewers into mind-controlled slaves? As if the stuff wasn’t disgusting enough. There is a handful of gross-out jokes here, but they know to limit it. I can look past things.

And that animation! It looks great, it probably smells great, and they still had some other fun with it! When aping the original shorts, they change the aspect ratio. When there’s a Powerhouse number, the whole style changes to be more art-deco. When things are meant to be disturbing, they come through. I never realized how disturbing false teeth can be, but they’ve joined the uncanny rank that glass eyes now share. Prosthetic limbs are next!

Don’t forget the voice acting! Eric Bauza continues to be a worthy Mel successor, Peter Macnicol does a wonderful Charlie Adler impression, (I was sure it was him.) but the one I had the most concerns with was Candi Milo. She’s a great voice artist, but I’ve always felt her biggest strength was in playing elderly ladies. I needn’t have worried. Petunia sounds cute and intelligent in her capable vocal chords, and compliments Porky beautifully.

It’s an overall good film. And it deserves love. I’m displeased to say that apart from me and my brother who tagged along, there were only nine other theater-goers, who couldn’t even be bothered to look at the credits. Not to mention that the nearest theater playing the flick was the next county over! I warned you all that this film needs to succeed, lest the W.B. gets another reason to think nobody loves their oldest mascots. The ones who gave them a real fighting chance in the cutthroat film industry. Some of the most influential stars in movie history. You know me as the guy online who tries to let others know of their brilliance. That doesn’t mean you can’t help do the same.

Favorite Part: Well, the best is the return of a classic bit: the false theater attendant interacting with the characters on screen. We’ve reached a point where some people will have never seen that gag, and I can see it blowing some young minds. I wish I hadn’t already seen it in trailers. I’m lucky I have no shortage of great moments. I’m choosing the reveal that Petunia stutters when she’s nervous/shy. And this only seeming to happen when she talks to Porky. Awwwwwwww!

Personal Rating: For me, a 3. It’s a good start that could lead to better things. But I know the majority of people will think it even better than that. I’ve no doubt that it could inspire people to look into the original classics. Thus, it earns a 4. And I’m pleased to say so.

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Daffy’s Southern Exposure

“Name your poison, kid.”

Supervision by Norman McCabe; Story by Don Christensen; Animation by Vive Risto; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on May 2, 1942.

Ducks fly south when winter starts to hit. And fly north again when summer returns to their original residence. As such, they live in a perpetual state of blissful warmth and never suffer from seasonal depression. How I envy them. But according to Daffy, it’s gotten old. He opts to stay behind this migration to see what winter is like. I can guarantee that the thrill will run out by the smallest fraction of time it took for you to somehow lose interest in the only time of the year worth living through.

Things start out great. With a full lake to himself, Daffy can splash, jump and “woo-hoo” to his heart’s content. (What’s with the fade-out?) Since he has an audience, he tries showing off his fancy dives. As it is wont to do, winter ruins everything with a jump cut. Daffy switches to skating. It couldn’t get worse than this, right? Hold my cold duck. The snow, snow, snow comes down, down, down, in crushing freezing pile-ups, and anyone with half a brain would be smart to cry. Yup. In fact, it snows so hard that even the captions describing the scene can’t find Daffy. Can’t say he wasn’t warned.

Daffy is able to poke his head out of the storm to scold any of us who might have been laughing at his starvation. See, as if winter wasn’t already evil and vile enough, it also destroys a majority of food that nature’s babies need to survive. If I haven’t made myself clear enough, I was always on Heat Miser’s team. I don’t want to set the world on fire, but I can’t lie that I’d die happy. I don’t know how long Daffy has been struggling by this point, but he’s starting to see trees as meat. Protein! Delicious, filling protein! You’re needed!

Then, a blessed aroma. Food! It is food, right? Surprisingly, there’s no ‘could be’ joke. The scent vapor just spells ‘yeah food’. Daffy doesn’t have a nose to follow wherever it goes, but nostrils are enough. The scent is coming from a cabin just yonder. Inside of which dwell a couple of natural duck predators: a fox and a weasel. The weasel will be called ‘Abigail’ later on, so that’s his canon name. The fox has none, so if I had more of a following, I’d allow readers to vote on the name he’ll receive. Instead, I’ma call him Jackson.

These two have food all right, but they’re not happy. It’s all beans. Sure, they’ve got all the protein and fiber you could ask for, but have you eaten canned beans recently? Not as a side dish, but a main course. They’re kinda bland, and very soft. Not satisfying to chew. No surprise, Jackson has reached his breaking point. He wants meat. Thick, juicy, plump, marbled, direct from a corpse, meat. And there’s a knock at his door. The two are pleased to find a duck, but he’s a starving duck. And if you’re going to have duck, you want it to have some fat. That is some delicious fat.

Good thing they have food. Donning lady disguises, they invite Daffy in to fill his belly, while they method act their way through “Arsenic and Old Lace”. Just, hold the arsenic. There’s even a musical number where they try to play up the beans as the best meal Daffy’s ever had in his life. What they don’t know is, if you’re starving any meal will be the best meal of your life. When Daffy is stuffed to their satisfaction, they reveal the charade. Really should have waited for him to fall asleep or something.

Daffy flees, with Jackson close behind. Abigail, being the dumb one of the duo, runs into a wall. It’s a fairly short chase; Daffy is able to lose the fox by treating a log spanning a chasm as a railroad switch that makes a second path. Jackson runs into oblivion. I hope they have meat in heaven. Daffy runs all the way to Brazil. He might accidentally burn off all the calories the beans bestowed upon him. Last I heard, he had taken residence in the headdress of the furry version of Carmen Miranda. As for Abigail, I think he’s still loyally waiting for his friend to return with the duck. So beautiful. So tragic. One of the two, anyway.

Favorite Part: During the chase, Daffy stops Jackson. “Hey, jusht a minute bub, jusht a minute.” Is he gonna follow up with ‘are you following me?’ Nope. He just hits his pursuer.

Personal Rating: 3. I really don’t like winter. It’s lucky to have scored so well.

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This is a Life?

“Easthy sthomach. Don’t turn over.”

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Ted Bonnicksen and Arthur Davis; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Music by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on July 9, 1955.

That title is the title of my favorite show! It’s a program where they take someone from the audience, usually well known, and honor them by asking about their life story, showing some clips from their past, bringing on important people from their history, maybe even giving you a present at the end. Just in case it’s me this week, my guest stars will be named Richard, Megan, and Sabra. (The first two will not be pleased to interact with me again.) My gift can be every one of my characters as drawn by an animator I admire. Sally Cruikshank can do my self-insert, Tartakovsky can do the assassin, and Gooseworx can do the pogo-stick creature that has fingers coming out of its arms.

Drat my luck! Considering the celebs we got in the audience, I don’t fancy my chances. Granny, Bugs AND Daffy? I’ll be lucky to appear on the camera feed. Emcee Elmer says that our mystery guest is beloved in motion pictures, so that rules out me and Buddy. The person also is thoughtful of others, generous, charitable… Daffy is certain it’s none other than himself. Admitting that this constant praise would only be embarrassing if it wasn’t all true. And here comes Elmer now. Daffy happily introduces himself and tells Elmer that there’s much to tell. Don’t waste time talking to the rabbit next to him, just read out the name already!

So after Bugs is summoned to the stage, Elmer asks for him to start from the beginning. Bugs describes a scene he saw in “Fantasia” once. The Earth was young and tumultuous. Quakes and volcanoes abounded, but in a bit of water, life was starting out as microscopic blobs called protists. They probably used their flagella to kiss. That’s too far back for Elmer’s liking, so Bugs fast-forwards to 1947, when a hare was born in Manhattan.  We’re in a clip show after all. Shame Elmer cuts it after his first words. He wants to talk about the first time they met. Would that be “A Wild Hare” or “The Old Grey Hare“?

Guess I’m a pretty poor scholar. They first met in “Hare Do“. Duh! We just get to see Elmer lured over a cliff, before it’s time to move on. I love Bugs’s cheeky grin at remembering this. And Elmer’s book changes colors too. Elmer is a wizard. Time for a voice from Bugs’s past. It’s loud, gruff, rough, tough, devoid of fluff, buff, full of guff, a bit of huff, and that’s enough: it’s Yosemite Sam. Come to tell about the time Bugs was on his ship. Always a good idea to remember “Buccaneer Bunny“, but Sam never said it was a picture. Was he really a pirate in this continuity? Has he done hard prison time, then? Did he ever get another parrot?

Bugs is enjoying this trip through memory lane, but he’s the only one laughing. He even makes note of the time he threw lit matches in Sam’s powder room. Great callback! But the next two are total fabrications. Putting eels in their bed sounds kinda crass for Bugs, and covering them in cement is too dark. Elmer and Sam start plotting at this point, putting a lit bomb in a box for the bunny. Bugs takes it, but tries regifting once he hears it ticking. Do time bombs get lit fuses? A game of (extremely) hot potato erupts. Despite everything indicating the bomb was lit onstage and seen by everybody, Daffy decides to claim it for himself. Ah, but he probably had his eyes shut for most of it. Pleased to get what he claims is rightfully is, he explodes with happiness.

Favorite Part: Daffy complaining about his limelight being stolen by a nobody. While he rants, Granny starts looking for something. He correctly guess it’s her umbrella she wants, so he hands it to her. Glad to have it back, she smacks him. Almost makes me ignore the crazy eyes she has. Do the elderly enjoy crack?

Personal Rating: 3. I’m normally not so generous to the shorts that reuse clips, but the wrap around segment was enjoyable, took up most of the screen time, and showed a beautiful contrast of Bugs and Daffy’s egos.

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Holiday for Drumsticks

‘YOU WILL SOON BE SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS AND CRANBERRIES!’

Directed by Arthur Davis; Animation by Emery Hawkings, Basil Davidovich, J.C. Melendez, and Don Williams; Story by Lloyd Turner; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on January 22, 1949.

That’s a wonderful date to have a thanksgiving picture! No sarcasm here! I could probably handle seasonal depression easier with such a glorious feast! Please don’t leave me, summer! Life’s not worth living when it’s not you. And as for the actual plot…

Pa and Ma are hill folk, so they’re used to having some neighbor trying to kill them on a daily basis. Or even sooner. They’ve learned to make the best of it. Using the shots fired to open pouring holes in the coffee pot, light matches; the mundane things we all hate doing. Once they’ve gotten their use, they’re sure to plug ’em right back. Otherwise sleep would be awful difficult. Since Thanksgiving is approaching, Pa has brought home a turkey. Once he’s fattened up a bit, there will be plenty for me. I’m willing to share the cartilage.

Daffy isn’t at all pleased with his new roomie. (Yardie? Coopie?) According to him, there’s barely enough to eat as it is, and now most of that is going to the turk. Daffy stops him though, pointing out what’s going on here: they feed the turkey, in turn, he will feed them. Sounds fair to me, but Thomas is kinda selfish. Per Daffy’s coaching, he exercises as hard as he can. Faster! Stronger! Better! With all that lovely food going to waste, Daffy makes sure it goes to waist. Wait, confusion alert!

Does Daffy know about the actual plans? He kinda acts like he’s trying to pull a fast one. Has he really seen this happen before? Why all the hamming then? (Look who I’m talking about.) Why not be straight with the bird? “Hey fatstho! They’re gonna take a knife to ya! Why not let me eat the mostht to keep you trim? Nobody eatsth duck on Thanksthgiving!” Does he think Thomas won’t believe him otherwise? Why doesn’t Daffy encourage him to slim? I’ve seen a duck eat turkey meat. He really seemed to be enjoying it.

When the fated day arrives, the results are extreme. Thomas is basically spine and feathers. And a head and limbs of course. Daffy is a meatball. (What bird skeleton is on his munching table? Did Daffy stop any potential chance of turducken?) Pa takes one look at the turkey and deduces that he’s not healthy, and unlike other predators, humans only want the meat with the strength to fight back. As long as it’s tipping the scale of course. Daffy matches that description, and worse, I checked the rules; there actually isn’t anything saying you can’t have a different kind of fowl to celebrate the glory of the fourth Thursday. And duck is almost as tasty as turkey.

Daffy does his best to slim himself down, but it’s harder for him. He lacks Thomas’s discipline, and determination. Read: Pa keeps shooting all the exercise equipment. Daffy begs Thomas for help in hiding, which leads to what usually happens whenever Daffy asks for a turkey’s help, as evidenced in “Tom Turk and Daffy”. I’ve yet to actually discuss that one, and that’s probably why I have few visitors and fewer feedback. Ah, me. In case, you don’t know what I’m talking about, Thomas consonantly puts Daffy in painful hiding locations, deciding each one isn’t good. Wait, confusion alert!

Why is Thomas messing with Daffy? Even if Daffy hogged all the food for himself, the Thanksgiving threat was real. He helped saved you. Is he just trying to make sure the people don’t have to settle for turkey skeleton? Are turkeys just pricks by nature and I don’t have to feel guilty for enjoying their delectable muscles? Because as an animal lover, I have to. Thomas does have an actually sound solution: flee the country. The odds of death by Thanksgiving china, turkey and grease reduce significantly in places like China, Turkey and Greece. (I’m not proud of that one.)

Now that Daffy is dazed from the extreme hide and seek, he is happily wiling to waltz into the stove Thomas is calling a boat. (Hilariously, Ma and Pa are getting in on the action too, dressed as sailors.) If you think this ending is too dark, that’s just cause Ma can’t get a match lit. Daffy blows them out one by one. I guess he’s too fat to just leave the oven? He’s gotta Winnie-the-Pooh his way out now.

Favorite Part: As immature as it may be to say a funny face made me laugh as much as I did, the face Pa makes when he realizes how juicy Daffy is did me in.

Personal Rating: Well, it’s tough to say. A few confusing character moments didn’t help my scoring, and it was pretty much a weaker version of the previously mentioned “T.T.A.D.”. I’m feeling generous though. It is now officially recognized as a member of the 3 club. Welcome, and here’s your club robe.

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The Music Mice-tro

“Now I’m gonna destroy you, within an inch of your miserable life!”

Produced by William Hendricks and Herb Klynn; Directed by Rudy Larriva; Story by Tom Dagneis and Cal Howard; Animation by Bob Bransford, Ed Friedman, and Virgil Ross; Layouts by Don Shepard; Backgrounds by Walt Peregoy; Film Editor: Joe Sircusa; Musical Direction by William Lava. A Merrie Melody released on May 27, 1967.

Daffy Duck plays his most challenging role yet as Daffy Duck, movie star of Hollywood. It’s not an easy life, despite what your fantasies tell you. You’ve got appearances to keep up, parties to attend, and constant retakes of the same scene where you just had to say ‘yup’ with a popping sound while kicking back your legs. Anyone needs a trip after a week of that. And when you need to recuperate, you’d do no better than at Balmy Springs. The resort any celebrity heads to in these trying times.

You know what’s the worst part of being a celebrity? Everyone recognizes you. Daffy is spotted by a band that I’m calling Speedy and the Mph’s. They’re hoping that he could help them get into the movie biz. But even if Daffy was the sort of guy who’d give struggling artists a break, he won’t because their music is not doing anything to soothe his jangled nerves. Speedy recommends he go and relax by the pool, telling one of his friends that they’re still going to audition. (Unless they’re both named Miguel?)

Really, Speedy. You’re kind of being a jerk this week. Daffy hasn’t done anything to you in this continuity yet, and you’re forgetting the fact that he’s only human even if he’s a duck. Ask him later. Right now, Daffy is enjoying the ladies at the water’s edge. No doubt close relations of Geordi La Forge, Elton John and Sunny Miami from Pixar’s “Knick Knack”. Before he can start enjoying life again, the band surprises him once more. He whips them off with a towel.

As a peace offering, Speedy offers a lemonade with a excessively large novelty straw. Daffy is receptive, but doesn’t look where that straw leads and ends up drinking pool water. And I don’t have the heart to tell him that those ladies probably did what we all do in pools when we think we can get away with it. (Common courtesy is no match for even more common sloth.) When Daffy gives chase, Speedy leads him onto the diving board and gives him the slip by running along the underside. The whole thing has made Daffy nervous enough to shiver, and this causes the diving board to fling him in the air. Didn’t even wait for him to bend.

Speedy watches (no tail for a frame) and tries to catch him on his reclining (wheel) chair. Daffy lands on his head, and falls in the pool. (Still can’t remember your flying/ swimming prowess, amigo?) Speedy pulls him out and attends to his “chillys” with a heat lamp. Making sure to go all the way gets Daffy a little burnt out, so he tries to smash the mouse with the lamp. He and it just fall into the water. Speedy gets to play Porky’s straight man routine, with a casual “shocking” whilst leaning back against a house. Daffy goes after him again, and rather than just stick his head in the convenient and perfectly sized hole, lifts it, loses his grip and drops it around his neck. The mice play for him once more. Daffy should not have to struggle what he little he does to escape.

To calm himself, he heads for the golf course. (Boring is soothing.) His lessons are paying off, as he hits a hole in one. Speedy throws it back out, and when Daffy goes over to them, he gets the music full blast again. He tries blowing them up, but they move the hole. They get away and Daffy reminds himself that he needs to relax, so he goes back to his game. Speedy doesn’t think a shaky duck could hit a still ball, so he puts a jumping bean in another for Daffy to hit. Doesn’t work, and when Daffy tries to grab it, it hops down his throat. The mice mistake his new jumping for dancing, and start up the music once more.

Daffy gives chase via golf cart, but crashes. Speedy then gives us an instant replay to watch it again. That’s one way to fill up the time. Seriously though, it wasn’t even played as a clever joke like in “Tabasco Road“! It’s just the same animation with ‘INSTANT REPLAY’ at the bottom of the screen. At least say this is for those who went out to the lobby to smoke or take a leak! Daffy’s had it. He’s heading back to the chaos of Hollywood. At least he’s familiar with that and has an agent he can blame if things annoy him. The band lives up to the name I’ve given them by constantly showing up while Daffy tries to pack.  Just leaving isn’t a solid plan either, as they are in the car too.

Favorite Part: Speedy tells Daffy that he can’t be caught as he is the fastest mouse in Mexico. Daffy curtly reminds him that they’re not in Mexico and gives chase.

Personal Rating: 2

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The Million Hare

“He probably thinkth he’s miles ahead of me.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Dave Detiege; Animation by Ted Bonnicksen, Warren Batchelder, George Grandpre, and Keith Darling; Layouts and Backgrounds by Robert Gribbroek; Effects Animation by Harry Love; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Bill Lava. A Looney Tune released on April 6, 1963.

Bugs was quite the wealthy actor, back in the day. Just look at the setup on his TV antennae! Probably has ever channel available at the time. When he invites Daffy over for a vacation, all the duck wants to do is vegetate in front of the tube. That’s sorta like I was as a kid. Just replace ‘watch TV’ with ‘read all their books.’ Don’t look at me that way! They had more “Calvin and Hobbes” collections than I knew existed! Bugs is kinda against brain atrophy, but Daffy isn’t budging, so Bugs just joins in.

The program airing at the moment is called “Beat Your Buddy.” Don’t worry! It’s only as violent as one makes it. It goes like this: the host reaches into what is called a buddy barrel and pulls out D̶i̶d̶d̶y̶ K̶o̶n̶g̶  two names. The two mentioned on those scraps of paper must then race each other to the studio to claim their prize. Beautifully showing off the follies of man and how any one of us would probably kill our best pal for financial security. If networks could afford a show that would get sued every week, there’d be new episodes to this day.

Surprise, surprise! The two names drawn are Bugs and Daffy. And Daffy wastes no time getting started. He’s been preparing for this day all season. Bugs is slower, more amused than anything that the two were picked. And maybe confused? How are they getting the names? Just pushing a phone book through a deli slicer? What if you weren’t aware your name was called? Do they have cameramen that could fill you in? What if you really didn’t want to compete? What if one of the names drawn belonged to someone who was working on the show? What if I continued with the plot?

First obstacle is a lake. Daffy takes a motor boat, and when Bugs arrives he reattaches the rope tied to it to the pier. Maybe sabotaging Daffy intentionally, or not. Daffy and the motor rip through the boat, and go along under the water and ground before blasting into the air. Trying to work with this, Daffy tries to go forward, and immediately crashes into a tree. (Great timing.) By this time, Bugs has crossed the lake as well and hops along with springs on his feet. Does that count as cheating? Can you cheat at all if you started from the same place? Well, almost the same. Daffy was slightly farther from the finish then Bugs was.

Daffy takes a shortcut, which probably also isn’t cheating. And neither is trying to sabotage the other racer. Boosts those ratings. I do like how there’s just a key stone to remove in case you need to start an avalanche. You know, to make sure the rocks don’t fall on anybody? Except yourself, of course. Whoever thought this brilliant idea up, made sure the rocks would fall on top of the key stone puller. Bugs is ahead again. Daffy tries to use a tree to sling himself farther, which works for about all of two seconds before he crashes into a cliff face, and Bugs catches up again. Daffy is still able to run ahead, but because he doesn’t take his eyes off Bugs, he runs off the road. Bugs addresses the question I was asking the first time I viewed this: why doesn’t Daffy fly? (He’s forgotten he can.)

Bugs manages to get to the building the studio is in first. Just needs to make it to the top floor. Daffy plans to use a jet pack to get him up there first, but I think they still made it roughly the same time, as when Daffy flies back out, he’s got Bugs in his clutches. They fly through a china shop, hilariously breaking nothing, before they turn right around and do it properly. Emergency hos-pit stop…al. (Almost was clever.) Hey, I just thought of another question about this show! Does it have a time limit? I mean, I don’t know how long it would take to dress their injuries, but Daffy has a cast and cane, and Bugs is now in a wheelchair. Were viewers at home still enthralled?

It’s a good thing the studio building has elevators, so Bugs still has a chance. It’s a close call photo finish, but, yes, Daffy wins! He actually won! Actually… Bugs doesn’t really have a good “track record” for races, does he? Daffy asks for his prize and he gets it: it’s called a ‘million box.’ It’s called that because it has 1,000,000 little boxes inside! (Although, I did some multiplication and estimating, and have concluded that there’s really only a little more than 7,000 in there. Better get your lawsuit on.) Daffy proves what a good friend he is by opting to donate his prize to Bugs. That’s the sign of a real, honest and true buddy, seeing as each of the little boxes had a dollar inside. When asked to say more, Daffy can only bray. Looks like Bugs can upgrade his television again!

Favorite Part: Listen closely to the host when he explains what little rules this show has. I purposefully didn’t mention it earlier, but he really does say you stand to win “the million box.” It’s not his fault Daffy misheard.

Personal Rating: 3

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China Jones

“Me, dragon lady.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Tom Ray, George Grandpre, Ted Bonnicksen, and Warren Batchelder; Layouts by Robert Gribbroek; Backgrounds by William Butler; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Looney Tune released on February 14, 1959.

Daffy is Irish, but they call him China Jones. A nod to the series “China Smith” but not a very clever name. How about China Schmidt? Or China Smithers? Or… I don’t know, China Shmith? Actually, that one wouldn’t work as Daffy is actually lisp free in this cartoon. As he finishes the meal he was eating, he cracks into his Chinese fortune “cakes”. There’s no fortune in it, and that really is the worst feeling in the world. They’re not called advice cookies! I mean, “cakes”.

It actually isn’t advice either. It’s a plea! A plea for help! Someone is being held prisoner in a bakery with a reward of 150 pounds. (Do tell. They must have been in there decades to think that joke is still clever.) But as the parody suggests, Daffy is a detective and should probably solve this case. All he needs is a hot tip, and those tend to be supplied at Limey  Louie’s tavern. But as he prepares to depart, he is approached by another famous detective, Charlie Chan, er, Chung. (See? This one makes sense.) And no squinty eyes/Fu Manchu mustache can hide my beloved Porky from my fanboy/stalker eyes. Man, do I want to wallpaper my room in his autograph.

Chung is here on some matter of money. He’s not really elaborating for the sake of a punchline, but a good detective like Jones can figure it out. The most obvious reason is the most likely. Chung is just trying to get himself a piece of the pound pie. Jones brushes him off so he can get to Louie’s. Now, Louie and Jones have a bit of a history. Jones is kinda, sorta the person who sent Louie to prison. And unbeknownst to Jones, Louie is already released and has set this whole prisoner thing up to get some delicious cold revenge. Donning a disguise, he awaits the P.I.

Louie introduces his self to Jones as the Mrs. and gives a sob demonstration of how the cops treated her husband, on Jones. But once that thrashing is over, “she” is willing to give Jones the tip he needs. Pick a card, any card, specifically the card being subtly pushed onto you. These are bad leads that just lead Jones to a couple of painful mishaps, but it doesn’t seem like he’s catching on until after the second attempt. Fun’s gonna have to be cut short Louie, go on and reveal yourself.

Revealing his true identity, and revealing the hoax, Louie is ready for a Peking duck dinner. Jones bravely runs into the backroom. He trips a trapdoor that leaves him dangling over a pit of Chinese alligators. Louie does Tweety’s “piddy” shtick, to feed his pets. (It is a pretty funny change up with the thick cockney accent.) Jones barely manages to escape this familiar situation, when Chung reappears. Can he help out? Well, I wouldn’t doubt Porky is capable, but he never said he was a detective at all. He’s a laundry man. And that money matter he wanted to discuss? Jones’s bill.

In the end, Louie gets away with assault and Jones is forced to work off his tab. Shouting for help, in mock Chinese, about his ironic punishment of being trapped in a Chinese laundromat. (This ending was cut during the 90’s. Probably a good call for impressionable minds. I mean, I definitely used mock Chinese myself as a kid. I really didn’t need more encouragement.)

Favorite Part: Jones, trying to “duck” out on his bill, quotes Confucius. Chung quotes right back, calmly pulling out a club as he does so. Bass. There’s no other word for him.

Personal Rating: I’m giving it a 1. It’s loaded with stereotyping that can not; should not be considered funny in today’s day and today’s age. If it doesn’t bother you as much, I believe you can consider it a 2.