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Hollywood Steps Out

“50 dollars!?”

It’s a cartoon caricaturing famous Hollywood stars! (And they look rather creepy, I might add. Good thing the impressions are spot on!) Carry Grant buys some cigarettes from Greta Garbo and she uses her shoe to light it. Panning to the right we see a Leon Scheslinger cameo as well as a table set for Blondie and Dagwood, and a fire hydrant for Daisy. (Odd choice.)

Humphrey Bogart, James Cagney, and Geore Raft pitch pennies and Harpo Marx gives Garbo a hot foot. Bing Crosby introduces our musical act as Stokowski composes. Boris Karloff dances stiffly, the 3 stooges poke each other to the beat, and Olliver Hardy dances with 2 women at once. Sally Ran does a bubble dance (She even tosses the bubble up, but we don’t see any nudity, you pervs.) Peter Lorre comments on the beauty of the bubble, and Henry Fonda gets punished by his mother for watching.

The dance ends when Harpo pops the bubble. (Good thing she was wearing a barrel underneath.) This whole time, Clark Gable has been chasing a blonde. He catches her only to find out it was Groucho in drag.

Personal Rating: 3 (unless you are a real film buff who knows who the parodies are today, then it just might reach the 4 tier.)

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Have you got any Castles?

“Hear ye, Hear ye, Hear ye.”

In another of the “books coming to life” series of cartoons, we come across a bookshop at midnight. The town crier announces that we are in for a treat as 4 famous literary monsters do a cute little dance. All the characters applaud and cheer while “The Good Earth” prays. Everyone begins to dance and “Green Pastures” sings along with Cab Calloway. A thin man goes to fatten himself at the “white house cookbook”, and the “Little Women” and “Little Men” sing about Old King Cole.

They are joined by the house of “Seven (Clark) Gables” and “Bulldog Drummin.” Louis Pasteur blows himself to “Seventh Heaven” and all the while, Rip Van Winkle is annoyed by lack of sleep. The 3 musketeers sing our title song, but I guess they are the villains as they take “The Seven Keys of Baldpate” and free “The Prisoner of Zenda.” Everyone else starts shooting at them, until Rip, who’s had enough, opens up a hurricane on them all, thus making them “Gone with the Wind.”

Personal Rating: 3

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A Corny Concerto

“Gweetings, music wovers.”

Its a parody of “Fantasia” which is one of the finest films ever. So what would a Looney Tune based on it be? About 629,087,356.5 times better!  (Give or take.)

Our host is Elmer (as parody of Deems Taylor) and he lets us know the first segment will be “Tales from the Vienna woods” (All the while his dicky is giving him problems) It is a classic tale of a hunter going after Bugs. Since Elmer is on host duty, it’s none other than Porky who takes on the job. (One of the very few times Porky appeared on screen with Bugs.) Porky’s dog finds Bugs and learns that this will not be so easy.

Porky and the dog dive into a bush which Bugs is hiding in, and soon Bugs tosses their gun away. It lands in a tree infuriating a squirrel who takes aim and fires. The three hold their chests assuming the worst. Porky and the dog turn out to be fine, but when Bugs peeks at his supposed wound he passes out. Porky and the dog try to get his hands open to see the wound and instead find a BRA! Bugs screams, places the brassiere on the two’s heads, and dances into the sunset.

Elmer informs us that the next segment will be “The Blue Danube” (As his pants fall down now) It is a tale of the ugly duckling. This time however, it really is a duckling as opposed to a swan. A baby Daffy to be precise. (There you have it. Clampett also created “Baby Looney Tunes”) He wants to join a family of swans, but the mother refuses to have him around. The family is spotted by a vulture who decides to have the cygnets for brunch. (He doesn’t want Daffy either)

The mother swan passes out when she finds out, and Daffy flies to their rescue. He knocks the vulture out and hands him TNT which kills him. (I’ve seen this part on an episode of Bill Nye) Daffy is now accepted as part of the swans family and swims with them. (His reflection crashes into a tree)

Personal Rating: 5

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Book Revue

“It’s Frankie!”

Warner bros. did a lot of cartoons where books come to life and this may be their last one, but it’s probably their finest. (It was directed by Clampett after all)

It’s midnight and all things literature have sprung to life. A Cherokee strip causes the sea wolf to howl and the complete works of Shakspeare to go haywire. Henry VIII wants to join in but is called back by his mother of the Aldrich family and she spanks him, only stopping then she sees Frank Sinatra whose voice makes all the little women faint and mother goose to go crazy. This goes into a musical number.

Daffy jumps off a Looney Tunes comic book and tells them to shut up. Getting some clothes out of the Saratoga Trunk, he dresses as Danny Kaye and sings his own song. He warns Little Red Riding Hood about the wolf and only just realizes his leg being salted. (In a blink and you’ll miss it scene, Daffy becomes a giant eye. This gag would be reused in “Tiny Toons” as a disease called “Clampettitus.”)

He hides in the petrified forest while the long arm of the law throws the wolf into jail for life. (Magazine) He easily breaks free but ends up falling down skid row, almost right into Dante’s Inferno. He nearly escapes but Sinatra’s singing makes him fall back in. In celebration everyone dances and has a good time… before the wolf tells them to knock it off.

Personal Rating: 4 (Just barely misses the 5 mark. I wouldn’t fault you for thinking it ranks higher.)

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Back Alley Oproar

“Boy, am I Sweepy!”

A remake of an old cartoon called “Notes to You” (I should really talk about these cartoons in chronological order. I apologize for any confusion)

Elmer is tired. So tired in fact, that he leaps into his bed before the light goes out. Unfortunately, Sylvester has chosen his fence to sing for the night. Elmer throws many objects at him to shut up but the only one that manages to hit is a pair of shoes. Sylvester used these to stomp out the second Hungarian rhapsody but Elmer ties him up and covers his mouth. (Did those shoes just change color?)

Soon the putty tat is at it again and he greases Elmer’s steps and scatters tacks at the bottom. Elmer gets a golf club and slips and hurts his feet, then turns around and does it again to get his gun. Sylvester has his understudy come in to take his place, but Elmer pins him up against a wall with the gun anyway. He lures Fudd back to sleep with a lullaby and as soon as he is back in bed wakes him up again. Elmer has had enough and grabs some dynamite. But as soon as he lights the fuse, it blows up. In heaven, Elmer takes some solace that he should be able to get some sleep, but Sylvester was caught in the blast too, and now Elmer has to put up with his 9 (Or is it 19?) lives as well.

Personal Rating: 4

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Porky Pig Show/Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show

These are two different programs, but both were designed to show the finest short films Warners had to offer. Porky is extra awesome, so why not let him have his own show? The intro showed many people and even some fellow toons going to Porky’s barn to watch some of his finest work.

As for the other show, It spawned from the Bugs Bunny Show and was popular enough to stay on the air for 14 years! The opening cast line remained pretty much unchanged except Hippity Hopper was replaced with Sylvester Jr. and they added Pepe and (thank goodness) Porky. It’s a shame that these classics don’t play on TV anymore. Kids today don’t know what entertainment is.

Personal Rating: (Based on the openings) 3

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Daffy Duck for President

“When I’m president, I’m gonna pass a law to outlaw rabbits!”

Daffy has a new scheme. In case you are too much of a idiot to remember that quote above, I’ll reiterate. He wants to run for president so he can outlaw duck season and make it rabbit season all year long. Bugs ruins his glee by telling him that the president doesn’t make laws, congress does. He even has the actual constitution to prove it.

Daffy gets into congress but no one but him likes his new law. He looks at the constitution again and decides to take the issue to court. Bugs tells him he can’t do that either and Daffy leaves to read the parchment again, desperate to find an answer. Bugs tells us how our government may not be perfect, but its the best we got.

In memory of Chuck Jones

Personal Rating: 2

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Porky In Wackyland

“Ex-tree! Ex-tree! Porky off on dodo hunt!”

This.. is my favorite cartoon ever! Heck, it’s my favorite bit of animation ever. Is it the humor? The sureality? The b/w charm? The fact that I consider it the epitome of cartoons? All that and whatever too! It’s great no matter how you slice, saute and butter it! And that’s why it shares this sites name.

Like its successor this cartoon has Porky is off to find the last of the dodo birds. Its worth a lot of money. He arrives at the best place ever put to film: Wackyland! While searching, Porky sees many of the denizens that call this crazy landscape home. Or at least a condo. (Look! Bob Clampett and his animators created Catdog)

Amidst the bizarre, he finds the bird of his dreams. And the chase is on. The bird is tricky, and Porky has to disguise himself to get his hands on him. He succeeds in his capture but the dodo reveals something about himself. He may be the last of his species but that doesn’t mean he’s the only one left… (That’s a victory for Mother Earth, at least.)

Personal Rating: 5 (And I really feel that way too.)

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Duck Soup to Nuts

“C-c-c’mon out or i’ll b-b-blow your head off!”

Daffy is minding his own business when a hunting Porky comes to shoot him. (Porky seems to have some kind of bad suntan.) Daffy tries to discourage him by showing off his talents but Porky won’t buy it. After a chase that includes Daffy in the gun and Porky getting bumps on his head, Daffy hides underwater where Porky can’t get him.

After failing to get him with a diving helmet, Porky drains the lake. (He’s determined.) He finds Daffy flopping around but refuses to believe he’s a fish. Daffy retaliates by refusing to believe the hunter is a pig. He’s an eagle. They argue, and Daffy pulls the ole switcheroo, (That gag will never get old) and Porky jumps off a tree to prove his eagle prowess.

Out of bullets in his rifle, Porky pulls out a pistol and prepares to kill Daffy. Daffy begs to say goodbye to his family. Porky feels he can’t shoot a married duck with children and leaves. As soon as he’s gone the other ducks reveal themselves to be friends of Daffy’s. They all laugh…until Porky comes back for revenge.

Personal Rating: 3

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The Great Piggy bank Robbery

“Fantastic! And furthermore, its unbelieva…ble!”

Daffy waits for his mail to the tune of “Powerhouse.” (and he even says “thufferin thuccotash” one of two times I can recall) his patience is rewarded with a new Dick Tracy comic book. He eagerly pours over each exciting panel and wishes he could be the man he admires. He accidentally knocks himself out and imagines that scenario.

Duck Twacy (Daffy) is getting numerous phone calls about missing piggy banks. He dismisses it as small stuff until he realizes his was stolen too. He immediately gets to the gangsters hideout (Porky cameo, yay!) and is met by the worst of the worst including: Mouseman, Pumpkinhead, Pussycat Puss, Batman, 88 Teeth, Neon Noodle, Double Header, and Wolfman. the chase is on! (Hey look! There’s an original Tracy villain: Flattop!)

Daffy makes pies out of Pumpkinhead and is tackled by most of the others. His body parts squirm out and he murders them with a Tommy-gun. Neon Noodle tries to get him, but hes turned into an “Eat at Joe’s sign”. Daffy finds the stolen goods and kisses the bank that’s his. He then wakes up to find himself kissing a sow.

Personal Rating: 5