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Little Beau Porky

“You! Scrub my Camel!”

Directed by Frank Tash

At a Foreign Legion outpost, “Le Comandent” comes out to speak to the troops. He has so many medals, he jangles whenever he steps. Looking over everyone, he sees Porky at the end dozing off. He calls him up for a camel wash. As they walk, Porky imitates him, but “Le Comandent” is not amused. Porky tries his best to wash the ungulate, but it keeps standing up and laying down. Whichever is the opposite of Porky’s location.

While that is happening, an injured soldier comes by to deliver a message. It seems like a man named Ali Mode is coming to attack. Everybody rushes out to the rescue. Even Porky. (Riding the camel that I’m pretty sure was established to not be his) “Le” tells him that as a camel scrubber, he is not allowed to come. Claiming he’s not scared, Porky locks up everything anyway. (Says he felt a draft.)

With everyone gone, Ali tries to take advantage of the (what he believes is empty) post. He knocks at the door Porky is hammering shut, and gets the Pig to believe it’s an echo. Soon enough, Porky catches on and Ali’s forces attack. They dig into the base, but Porky chops a tree that lands on all of them, and sends them back outside. Porky defends the whole place, and he kicks butt! Even that camel I don’t think he owns helps out. At the end of the short, it’s revealed that Porky is now “Le Comandant.” (He has so many medals, they hang off of his uniform.) Even that camel gets some recognition. With medals stretched between his humps. (Wait, how’d a bactrian camel get here anyway?)

Personal Rating: 3

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Little Pancho Vanilla

“You will never be bullfighter. You will always be, Mamacita’s good little machachito.”

Directed by Frank Tashlin

Our main character, Pancho, is reading a book on bullfighting. His mother however, is very discouraging and pretty much tells him he sucks. As Pancho (whose age is also never mentioned) sulks, three senoritas (of unidentifiable age) walk by. They cheerfully say hi, but Pancho is too busy brooding to be polite. The girls sing/mock him. (That’s the best part) Their attention is grabbed by a poster, that shows Clark Gable as a toreador. He’s apparently the greatest in the world! Or at least in Mexico. Pancho knows of one better: himself. The girls laugh. Come the big day, Pancho tries to enter the amateur entrance with everyone else. (At least he’s not insisting he’s a pro) He is turned away due to being too short. He sits on a wagon and grumbles at the fact they’re not letting him in, because he would scare the bull. (Suddenly, I have a huge craving for sour grapes) Inside, the bull is making billiard balls out of everyone. They bounce around, (dissapearing) and one flies out and lands on the wagon Pancho’s on. This launches him into the arena. He lands on the bull who is knocked down. Getting his second wind, the bull charges. Pancho may not be very big, but he is fast and gets out of the way. The bull still launches him, but Pancho launches him right back. Not fooling around, the bull revs up and gives a mighty charge that sends Pancho into the air. He falls on the bull and knocks him out for good. Back with his mom, Pancho and the girls (who I think I will name: Rose, Rosie, and Rosita) tell her what happened. She still acts kinda like a jerk. (You could’ve gotten hurt) But at least she makes use of Pancho’s first prize: a washing machine.

Personal Rating: 2

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The Case of the Stuttering Pig

“I’m going to get rid of those pigs!”

Directed by Frank Tashlin

Ahh. It feels good to be talking about my good pal, Porky again. Our story begins and, “It was a dark and stormy night.” Inside a house, there are six pigs. The majority of which seem frightened out of their wits, but my man Porky is smiling. Until, there’s a knock at the door. That sends all of them into the air. (I would like to point out that Porky IS wearing pants in this short) There’s no need to worry however, it’s only thier good friend, Lawyer Goodwill. (voiced by Billy Bletcher. Yeah, he can play a nice character can’t he?) Apparently, good, old, uncle Solomon Swine, (who looks an awful lot like Olliver Hardy) had passed away. Goodwill is here to read the (good) will. Or rather, he just lets them read it. Is that allowed? Seems their Uncle is leaving his entire house to his niece and nephews. (And he also seems to not want to be burried on the lone prarie.) But wait! There’s more! If they die, then Solomon’s friend, Goodwill gets everything! (They seem a little too interested in reading that part) Goodwill leaves. *phew* I though for sure he’d kill them. I’m sure it’s perfectly normal to have a secret lair in the basement of your dead friends house. Goodwill must be thirsty as he pours himself a nice glass of “Jeckyll and Hyde Juice.” Turning into something I’m sure we’ve all seen in our nightmares at some point, he announces his plan to remove what stands in the way of his inheiritance. (Huh. I never saw it coming.) He tells us all in the audience that we can’t do jack to help. (darn) Especially the guy in the third row. Anyways, Porky and his (siblings? cousins? I don’t think it’s ever stated) are all getting settled in. But the lights keep turning off and on, and each time, another of the pigs dissapear. First, Patrick. Then Peter. And Percy. And then Portus. Until thery’re all gone. Well, acutally, Porky and Petunia just went hiding behind the chair. (Out of all Petunia’s appearances, this is the only one where she and Porky are related.) Goodwill meanwhile, tells the others how he plans to do them in, as soon as he gets the last two. (why not? might as well get it done all at once) Before leaving, he mocks the  third row guy again. He captures Petunia quite easily, but I guess decides to have fun with Porky first, as he just follows him in Petunia’s place. When Porky notices, he runs up the stairs and leaps into the safety of Goodwill’s arms. (That juice must give you superhuman abilities. and duck feet) Porky runs again and finds his…sibl…cous…family stuck in some stocks. He frees them, but it appears to be too late! Goodwill has them cornered and moves in for the kill. When, all of a sudden, a chair flies in, hits Goodwill, and lands him in the stocks himself. Who could have done such a kind gesture? It’s the guy in the third row of course. (Voiced by Mel Blanc, in his normal voice)

Personal Rating: 4

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Fifty years of Bugs Bunny in 3 1/2 minutes

“The King! Your Majesty!”

This… is one of the best things I’ve ever seen in my life. If not the greatest, then probably the ninth. A 50 year tribute to the world’s most popular toon in such a compact time limit? It’s everybodies life mission to see it at least once. And since I was able to find both the American and Australian versions, you can enjoy both at any time! Since I have seen every Bugs Bunny short, I am going to list all that are here. (If I screwed up, please feel free to correct me. It’s the only way I’ll learn.)

“Rabbit Hood”, “Elmer’s Pet Rabbit”, “The Old Gray Hare”, “A Wild Hare”, “Rabbit Of Seville“, “Rabbit Rampage”, “Rabbit Seasoning“, “Rabbit Fire“, “Duck! Rabbit, Duck!“, “Person to Bunny”, “Rabbitson Crusoe”, “Wild And Woolly Hare”, “Big House Bunny“, “Mississippi Hare”, “Operation: Rabbit“, “Compressed Hare”, “Rabbit’s Feat”, “Bowery Bugs“, “Hare Splitter”, “Hare-Breadth Hurry”, “Sahara Hare“, “Long-Haired Hare“, “A Witch’s Tangled Hare”, “Foxy By Proxy”, “Barbary Coast Bunny“, “Big Top Bunny“, “Apes of Wrath”, “Homeless Hare“, “Haredevil Hare“, “Rabbit Punch“, “Hair-raising Hare“, “Bill of Hare”, “The Fair-Haired Hare”, “Bunny Hugged“, “Bugs Bunny Rides Again“, “The Bugs Bunny Show,” “What’s Up, Doc?“, “8 Ball Bunny“, “What’s Opera, Doc?“, “Bully For Bugs“, “Bunker Hill Bunny“, “Roman Leigon-Hare“, “Knights Must Fall”, “Knight-Mare Hare“, “Rebel Rabbit“, “Bedeviled Rabbit”, “Horse Hare”, “Lighter Than Hare”, “A-Lad-In His Lamp”, “Lumber Jack-Rabbit”, “14 Carrot Rabbit”, “The Million Hare”, “Which is Witch”, “Hot Cross Bunny”, “High Diving Hare“, “Captain Hareblower”, “Hare Trigger”, “Racketeer Rabbit”, “Acrobatty Bunny“, “The Heckling Hare“, “Bewithced Bunny”, “From Hare To Heir”, “Mad As A Mars Hare”, “The Grey Hounded Hare“, “Hare Do“, and in the Aussie’s case, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit“. All set to “The Barber of Seville” and “Hungarian Rhapsody Number 2” Which is the superior version? I can’t choose. Tell me what you think.

Personal Rating: 3

Hopefully you’re not too worn out of Bugs shorts. We’ll switch it up again next week.

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Bugs Bunny Superstar Part 1

A 1975 documentary, narrated by Orson Welles of all people. It begins by showing us many of our country’s greatest landmarks. (The U.S.A. for anyone foreign visiting) One of which, is the studio that we know as Termite Terrace. The birthplace of the greatest cartoon character ever, (Porky may be my favorite, but based on greatness I can’t argue) Bugs Bunny. After showing us the short “What’s Cookin Doc?” Clampett tells us that the cartoons were made primarily for adults. (And yet, Watch mojo didn’t know this, putting Looney Tunes as the number one cartoon series made for kids that adults watch. morons) We see alot of awesome merchandise too. I want most of it. Okay, I want all of it. We learn that they were the only animation studio in the WB lot and as such, they were close to the greats. Clampett actually recalls seeing Jolson put on his make-up for the Jazz Singer. (Isn’t it a shame that the first talking film had racsism in it?) Being so close, meant that the stars would freqeuntly poke their heads in, to see what was being drawn. Doing this so often, of course meant that they would be caricatured. Clampett was teamed up with Tex Avery and they named their new HQ Termite Terrace. (So named, because of the dilapidated state of the place) They had good times as Tex and Friz Freleng tell us that they basically did waht they wanted. We’re then shown the short “A wild hare.” (Which for some reason is called THE wild hare here.) From the mid depression to the end of WWII was what they considered their golden age. A time when most of their characters were born. Back then, they had to be their own models for their drawings, so they could sketch the faces just right. We’re also told, tht despite the fact Bug’s carrot looks like Groucho’s cigar, the bit is actually based on Clark Gable eating a carrot in “It happened one night.” Saying that watching that scene, they didn’t see Gable, only a giant rabbit. They also acted out the scenes too, as we see Avery pretend to be a scarecrow. Mentioning Carl Stalling, we actually see some of his scores. But it’s more fun to listen to, and we are shown “A Corny Concerto.” (Finally. A short I talked about) But of course, Bugs wasn’t the only star there, as Clampett explains that Tweety was based on his own nude baby photos. He also mentions that the censors complained about Tweety being naked, and yet, they never noticed that Porky had no pants. (Porky is too cool for that) To end off part 1, we are shown the short, “I taw a putty tat.”

Part two will come someday. If you’re reading this in the futrure, then it may already be here. Go check it out.

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Raymond Scott

Born in Brooklyn to some Russian/Jewish immigrants, was the genius known as Raymond Scott. Influenced by his older brother, he formed a band in 1936. Despite the fact there were 6 of them, he called it a quintette. (It sounded crisper.) Besides, he said that if one called it a sextet, it might take your mind off of music. (Admit it, yours just did.) He called his work “Discriptive Jazz.” It was adored by the public! But the critics were a-holes. They called it “novelty music.” Screw them.

This guy was also a firm believer in playing by ear. He said, “You give a better performance if you skip the eyes.” Genius. In 1943 he sold the music publishing to W.B. This allowed resident composer, Carl Stalling, to adapt anything in the music catalog he pleased. Because of this we heard such awesomeness as “Dinner music for a pack of hungry Cannibals.” (“Gorilla my dreams“) “In an eighteenth century Drawing room.” (“The Aristo-cat”) And perhaps his most well known piece,:”Powerhouse.” (“Swooner Cronner“,”Baby Bottleneck“,”The great Piggy Bank Robbery“…) Looney Tunes would not be the same without his legendary pieces. We should all be thankful.

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Rabbit Romeo

“Women don’t chase men in America.”

Is it possible to be too attractive?

Directed by Robert McKimson

Acme Animal Delivery Service has just delivered a package to Elmer from his ncle, Judd Fudd. (I love that name.) The crate contains a rare species of slobovian rabbit. Her name is Millicent and if Fudd will hold on to her for awhile, Judd will give him $500.00 for the trouble. Elmer is momentarily shocked to find out how…”interesting” Millie looks. (“Wooks aren’t evewything, you know!”) He shows her to her room, but she immediately begins throwing a tantrum. Calling a vet, Elmer learns that slobovian rabbits prefer the company of other rabbits, and hey, who doesn’t? Elmer sets out to get one.

Bugs meanwhile, has been on a diet of icicles, and takes Elmer’s carrot bait without question. Elmer brings him home and Millicent immediately falls for her new boyfriend. Bugs is less than amused. She demands a kiss, so Bugs shoves a goldfish to her lips. She likes it. The fish shoots himself.  (Suicide CAN be funny. You just have to know how to do it.) Bugs tries to hide, but Millie’s strength easily helps remove him from his hiding places. She wants marriage now, and Bugs tries to teach her how the Americans do it: A long courtship.

She rushes through that to get to the good parts. (I love Bug’s annoyed face here.) Not willing to stick around, Bugs jumps out the window, but Elmer marches him back in at gunpoint. Millie next tries to get Bugs to do a traditional slobovian courtship dance. (“When in Slobovia, do as the other slobs do.”) He tries to dance away, but Elmer brings him back again, and tells him to go snuggle with his mate. Fudd goes to bed, and Bugs suggests eloping. Millie agrees and Bugs lets her climb out of the room first. He lets her plummet from the windowsill, leading to a very angry rabbit banging on the door. (That’s June Foray as Millicent. Out of all her roles as deep voiced women, this is my favorite.)

Bugs wakes up Elmer, and tells him that Uncle Judd is here. He gives Fudd a bathrobe to slip on, which is really a rabbit suit. As soon as Millicent sees this, she dumps Bugs and chases Elmer into the hills. Bugs: “Ain’t I the little matchmaker?”

Personal Rating: 4

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Knighty Knight Bugs

“So DIS is da singing sword! Big deal.”

Directed by Friz Freleng.

Well, it is now 2015. So let’s ring in the year with this: Bugs’ only Oscar. Heck, he was only nominated for the award three times. (The first two were in the 40’s.) What did he win against anyway? (*quick google search*) Well, it did beat Disney and their very well told, “Paul Bunyan.” So I guess it counts as a hard earned victory. But this isn’t even Bug’s best short. Does that mean I hate it? No! If you thought that, please go hurt yourself. As for the rest of us, lets get on with it.

King Arthur wants the singing sword which was stolen by the Black Knight. All of his knights refuse to go on such a quest, as the Black Knight has a dragon. Bugs dances in, as he is the jester. He remarks that only a fool would retrieve it. Arthur agrees and sends Bugs off. (Should’ve used better word choice.) The Black Knight it turns out, is Sam. And he does indeed have a dragon, but the beast (Gerry) let his fire go down. Which means he now has a cold. (Brilliant.) They are both asleep and Bugs manages to take the sword very easily.

Wondering why it has its title, the answer is given as it begins emitting music in his hands. This wakes both the knight and the dragon who give chase. Bugs escapes with them hot on his tail. (Gerry looks a bit horshish to me. Almost as if he was originally going to BE a horse, and they just drew scales around him.) Ducking into a hole, Bugs doubles back to the castle, and raises the drawbridge. (Dropping it on Sam when he demands he lower it.) Sam tries a catapult, (with results similar to “Sahara Hare”) and throwing a rope and climbing it. (Bugs uses a hammer to smack him back down.)

Later, seeing that the coast appears clear, Bugs sneaks out. Sam and Gerry were hiding but their position is given away when the creature sneezes. They chase again, and Bugs ends up locking them in a room full of explosives. Sam tells the dragon that if he sneezes, they’ll end up on the moon. As Bugs walks away, the entire tower blasts off. Waving goodbye, he marches off, a job well done. The sword playing “Aloha” to see us off.

Personal Rating: 3. I’m glad Bugs was finally recognized for his Oscar-worthy talents. It’s just a shame it couldn’t have been with a cartoon really showcasing them.

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8 ball Bunny

“It’s a boid! A boid in a tuxedo!”

Directed by Charles M. Jones

At a local theater, a show is just now closing. It is the “Ice Frolics” and it appears that their claim to fame is a skating penguin. Why, it’s Playboy. Haven’t seen him since “Frigid Hare.” (He’s not as cute as he was there. But he is getting his name.) But, uh oh! Looks like the rest of the crew forgot him! He desperately tries to catch up, but penguins weren’t exactly made for running. Or flying. In fact, unless he’s chasing a submarine, it’s probably hopeless.

While on the chase, he falls into Bug’s rabbit hole and wakes him up. Bugs is initially hostile, but softens up when the bird tears up. Apologizing, he agrees to help him find his way home. To his dismay, he finds his new charge is a penguin, and they primarily live at the south pole. (Although they do live in other places you know. Africa, the Galapagos, Australia…) But a promise is a promise. As they make their way south on a train, Bugs again announces his unhappiness. (We also have an adorable shot of Playboy hugging Bugs.) Playboy begins to tear up again, and Bugs apologizes saying he can’t bear to see him cry.

A hobo on the car agrees. Why, Penguins is practically chickens. (Well, they are both birds. So, sure.) And crying chickens make him so unhappy, he has to put them out of their misery. Coming to the rescue, Bugs points out that rabbits are bigger than penguins. (Not really, but sure.) The hobo agrees abandoning the bird,  and trying to get his mitts on Bugs. Bugs easily kicks him off the train. At New Orleans, Bugs has apparently had enough, and sends Playboy off on a boat to go the rest of the way. After it sets off Bugs overhears that it’s heading back to Brooklyn. Bugs swims after it, and rescues Playboy from being on the menu. (Are penguins really as tasty as this short suggests? I should test it.)

They make their way to an Island where Bugs forces the bird to build them a boat. Then Humphrey Bogart appears and quotes “The treasure of the Sierra Madre” asking for money. Bugs angrily gives him some. Later at sea, Bugs is going mad with hunger. The hobo’s words echo in his head and he nearly gives in to temptation. Luckily, they seem to have hit land! Bugs however, is not willing to pay 25 cents to pass through the Panama Canal. He opts to travel by land. It’s not long before they are captured by natives and are prepared to be cooked. (Okay, I really need a penguin hot dog now!)

Suddenly, something appears that sends them into a panic! It’s Bogart again. Bugs more happily gives him change this time. After many perilous obstacles, Bugs finally delivers Playboy to the actual pole. As Bugs turns to leave, Playboy begins crying ice cubes. He shows Bugs a flyer. He’s actually the only Hoboken born Penguin. (You’d think he would have shown him that sooner.) Bogart appears again, ready to ask for more money, but Bugs gives HIM the penguin this time and runs off.

Personal Rating: 4

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To Hare is Human

“Poor chap. He had his chance.”

See the poor coyote, dreaming of his breakfast.

Directed by Chuck Jones

Wile E. heads out of his lair with some type of contraption in tow. It turns out to be a portable elevator which he uses as a way into Bugs’s home. He comes out with Bugs literally in the bag. Bugs asks what is going on. Wile E. explains and also tells Bugs (who is in the middle of escaping) that since he is a genius, he knows that Bugs was going to ask what was in the bag, Wile E. would tell, and Bugs would ask what he was going to do with the rabbit, whilst using the time to escape. And by this point, Wile E. knows there is nothing in the sack. As it turns out, Bugs says there IS something in the sack and Wile E. humors him by taking a look. It explodes. Bugs takes the elevator back down and Wile E. chases after him. Not noticing the TNT Bugs has left in the lift. BOOM! Time for the brains to be used.

Wile E.’s latest gizmo is a Univac Electronic Brain. (UEB for short) You just enter your problem and it will offer you the best solution. He enters the animal as “rabbit” (was one of those options ‘dad’?) location as “hole”, and what as a “combination lock.” The machine tells him to use burglary methods and even prints the code for the lock. (Wow. I need me one of those. For good deeds, I mean!) Wile E. heads out at night with a portable window he puts up next to the lock. (Of course it’s necessary.) Bugs, reading in bed, can hear him and casually tosses a banana peel into his path. He slips and lands in the coyote disposal which throws him out off the side of a cliff.

Come morning, he asks what to do while Bugs is putting carrots into the toaster. It recommends substituting the veggies for grenades. He does so, but the spring of the toaster needs work as it launches them right back to sender. Simply asking “what”, “now”, and “?”  has it suggesting using a plunger. Wile E. has clearly been working out, as it creates a LOT of suction. So much so, that when Bugs puts a pipe out the other way, Wile E. gets sucked through it and into the plunger himself. Next, Bugs is vacuuming and Wile E. places a TNT stick into the machine. This probably would have worked if he hadn’t done it just as the rabbit was finishing. Then maybe he wouldn’t have emptied the bag right away into the trash can Wile E. was hiding in.

Wile E. then sets a booby trap in the carrot patch, that will launch a boulder on Bugs when he pulls a certain one. (Can carrots grow in the this dry a climate?) Of course, nothing happens until Wile E. touches the snare himself. Rushing back to the UEB he asks for a suggestion, and it flat out tells him to go back and get hit. (Which he does.) As the short ends, we see that the UEB only has one moving part: Bugs himself.

Personal Rating: 4

Have a merry Christmas!