Cartoons from the 30's Archives » Page 11 of 15

June 6, 2017July 12, 2020

What price Porky

““Dumb Clucks,” are we?”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by Charles Jones and Bob Cannon; Musical Score by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1938.

Porky owns a chicken farm and takes good care of his hens. Not only does he give them tasty corn to eat, but he even has some on the cob for dessert. But before they can enjoy that, some a-hole ducks take the cobs and enjoy them in the pond, where the chickens can’t get them. Porky (very politely I might add) asks the ducks to not do that, but instead the lead duck sends them a note declaring war. (Jerk. You started it.) The hens agree and begin making troops, (No, not recruiting. Making. Their eggs hatch ready for battle. If I didn’t already use the “inant-try” joke in “Porky’s Poor Fish” I sure would here.) and pecking out trenches. The ducks aren’t just big talkers though. They have the means to fight back, complete with their own navy and fighter jets. Piloted by cute naked ducklings with bandanas. (I don’t know why they are naked. Ducklings hatch fully feathered.) Setting up their sides (with no hen’s land in between) they begin their fight. The hens have one of their “men” sneak over, but she is caught by a duck who sounds like Yakky Doodle. (You thought he sounded like Donald? Please.) Her chicks underneath her, shoot him. The leader sounds a lot like Daffy. He laughs like Daffy too. But I refuse to accept him as Daffy. He’s too unlikable to be Daffy. I’m going to call him Douchebag. Douchebag duck. (Besides, where is the ring around his neck? Checkmate.) He disguises himself as the Easter Bunny to come deliver some eggs to Porky. But they are duck eggs, and the hatch-lings (who aren’t naked this time) rough him up before they retreat. (Cowards.) With night falling, the ducks lay down a smoke screen, (thanks to a cigar) and try to launch a sneak attack. The smoke rises just as they are about to pounce, and they begin dancing. The hens love it, and let their guards down, allowing the ducks to start beating them up. The ducks are really upping their game. They even have real tanks to use. They begin firing and almost get Porky. He seals the shell in his foxhole and decides to take matters into his own hands. Using a washing machine as a gun and the corn as ammo, he is able to shoot down the ducks wherever they are. Even Douchebag who tries to surprise him ends up trapped. Porky wins. (I never doubted him) To celebrate, he gives the hens the corn they were meant to have. But Douchebag has one more trick up his sleeve. More eggs. The new ducklings bring the corn back to their (father, I guess) and they happily munch. (Yeah, laugh now, you bass turds. You’re still trapped, and it just so happens that I love duck meat. Don’t be surprised that Douchebag Duck never made any other appearances.)

Personal Rating: 4

May 30, 2017July 12, 2020

Wholly Smoke

“I ain’t a p-puh-puny puss!”

Supervision by Frank Tashlin; Story by George Manuell; Animation by Robert Bentley; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1938.

You know, you really shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for you, makes you unpleasant to be around, and eats up funds you could be using for something more important. And don’t give me any of that: “It’s too addicting” crap. You don’t want to learn the hard way. My pal Porky did.

Another of the 100 greatest and my personal favorite from Tashlin.

It’s a lovely Sunday and Porky’s momma calls her offspring down. (Hilariously voiced by Ted Pierce) She sends him off to church with a nickel for the collection plate. (Why isn’t she going too? I guess she just doesn’t want her child to be an atheist like herself.) On the way, Porky comes across some kid smoking a cigar. He points out that it’s bad but the kid doesn’t take him seriously. Instead, he shows off some tricks he can do with the smoke. Making a target and hitting it with an arrow, creating a duck that flies, and kicking his cigar like a hackey sack and catching it again in his mouth. (Set to an ominous “Merry Go Round Broke Down”) With his masculinity threatened, Porky bets the thug 5 real cents (They’re children and this is the thirties, that’s some serious dough right there) that he is just as tough. The kid accepts and hands over his cigar, taking the nickel. (He hasn’t won yet, but he doesn’t need to stick around really. Porky is practicing.) He treis to show off some tricks with the smoke. He makes a target but hits his own behind with an arrow, creating a duck that flies and lays an egg on his face, and kicking his cigar like a hackey sack an catching the lit side in his mouth. (Set to an adorable “Merry Go Round Broke Down”) But all that tobacco takes its toll on poor Porky and he woozily blunders around, coming to a stop in a smoke shop. There he is spotted by some kind of smoke gremlin. He has the power to shrink Porky in size and wake him up with a snap of his fingers. He is a little shocked Porky doesn’t know who he is. All smokers know his name: Nick O’ Teen. (Who is one of the scariest things Looney Tunes has to offer. With his soulless eyes, magical powers, and soft voice. (Again, brilliantly portrayed by Pierce.) Nick ties Porky up and prepares to go “Pigs is Pigs” on him. With musical accompaniment. There are some singing matchsticks who look like they have blackface, (but you could say its debatable since they are extinguished) some chewing tobacco, and the three stogies. Singing a frightfully creepy version of “Mysterious Mose” about how little children shouldn’t smoke. (No one should, but they don’t want to come across as preachy.) Porky is forced into smoking more cigars, and given chewing tobacco, (which the poor guy swallows) as all the mascots come to life to scold him. (I would say it’s a nightmare version of “Foodfight”, but the original already earned that title, so this is the family friendly version by default) Bing Crosby and Rudy Vallee are there as some “Crooner” brand cigars. (Corona) Cigarettes march, snuff boxes are drums, and even a pipe cleaner gets in the fun by imitating Cab Calloway. (Taking a break from appearing in Betty Boop cartoons) Porky does manage to get free and wakes up from this trippy… “pipe dream?” (Screw you, it’s funny) Hearing the church bell, he hurries over. Except, he still needs that nickel. He takes it back from the bully, shoves the cigar in his face and goes back to church to donate it. He vows never to smoke again. (Except he did in “Rocket Squad.” And “Deduce, you say.” And “The Awful Orphan.” And… Well, at least he never smoked a cigar again. So take it from me and Porky: Don’t smoke. Or we won’t be your friend.)

Personal Rating: 4 (But if “Pigs is Pigs” never had come out, it’d get the 5.)

May 23, 2017July 12, 2020

Porky’s Poppa

“Woe is me.”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by Charles Jones; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1938.

Well? What about Porky’s Poppa? Well my friend, Porky’s Poppa has a farm. (E,I,E,I,O. By the way, am I the only one who thinks that’s a weird chorus?) And on that farm he has a pig, Porky. Porky tries to “Oh, boy.” whenever the song says so, but his stammer keeps him from keeping the beat and asks to be skipped. That’s fine. There’s plenty of options on this farm. A goose who honks. (Naturally and with horns) A cow who shows off her calves. The singers even go over her part again so we can see those legs. (That joke alone is probably the only reason she’s wearing a skirt.) And a duck who encourages us all to sing along. The duck quacks, the cow shoves off puppets instead of calves, the goose honks and Porky has a phonograph play his part. It goes smoothly until the record starts skipping. But all is not well on the farm. For on this farm there is a mortgage. Porky’s Poppa has no way to pay the bills, as his chief source of income (the cow, Bessie) has rather suddenly gotten the dreaded “Hoof ‘N Mouth” disease. (My uncle went the same way.) But I guess this disease doesn’t affect any other species, as Porky’s Poppa has no problems selling the cow to a hamburger factory. Needing milk, Porky’s Poppa orders a new cow. A beautiful, mechanical, cream-lined cow. With just a flick of a switch, it begins making milk. (What is that milk made of exactly? Mammal milk can be explained, but not robot milk) Porky prefers Bessie and tries to get her to eat. That hoof is keeping her from getting the food required to make milk, so he puts the hay on her foot, and she sticks the whole thing into her mouth. Porky gives her some space and the blessed event occurs. She gives birth to “quart-tuplets.” And a bottle of chocolate malt, but Porky pretends he never saw that. (I’m torn myself. I want to laugh at that joke, but it’s not in very good taste.) Porky goes to show his father the results. Porky’s Poppa is not too convinced as the newer model can make more than milk. It can make Cottage cheese (shaped like cottages), Limburger cheese (with built in clothespins), and Swiss cheese (that yodels). Porky won’t give up an goes to keep Bessie eating. (Personally, I’m with Porky on this one. Real cows are much better than metal ones. They have more flavor…) By putting an ice cube on her head, Porky can make Bessie produce ice cream cones. The metal one can do this too, and make non-dairy based creams to boot! Shaving cream, cold cream and even vanishing cream. Bessie (who seems to have gotten over her hoof problems) tries to eat more as she’s running low on fuel. Not wanting any competition, the metal moo’er pours vanishing cream on her hay, and proceeds to take any left for itself. (Oh, so that’s how it works. It’s got real cow organs inside it) Bessie tries to keep up, but all too soon, they’re down to the last straw. The two lunge for it and after the crash, Porky’s Poppa declares the metal cow the winner. Luckily though, Bessie clearly made it first, as she pops out of the things mouth.

Personal Rating: 4

May 9, 2017July 5, 2020

Wise Quacks

“I’m a poppa four times over!”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Animation by I. Ellis; Story by Warren Foster; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1939

Sorry for not posting until later in the day. Things came up, but unless otherwise noted, updates WILL happen every “Tunes-day.” And here’s some news worth celebrating: Daffy’s gonna be a father! (He’s so excited, he’s gone back to that cross-eyed design he had in “The Daffy Doc” It would be used one more time in “Porky’s Last Stand”) His wife is something else all together. Other than looking just like him, save for the pair of glasses on her bill, she sounds a lot like someone trying to imitate Donald Duck and not doing a great job at it. (At least they’re doing better than I would.) I’m calling her Daphne, seeing as how Daffy is married to a Daphne in a later short, and this duck is no Melissa. The good news is put out in the paper. (Seems a bald eagle is also expecting an heir) It’s spotted by Porky, who is happy for his old childhood pal. (I wish there was a short where the two of them were kids together. That would have been interesting) I also love the reaction from the dog Porky tells the news to. A flat “Amazing.” That’s how I would react to someone I didn’t know awaiting kids. While Daffy is excited, he is also nervous and has taken to chugging large amounts of corn juice to steady his nerves. (I first saw this short on Cartoon Network, and maybe they left the label off, but I swear that they changed it to maple syrup. That really made me ask questions. I may have only been five at the time, but I knew what being drunk was and I couldn’t figure out why my pancake topping of choice would effect Daffy that way.) Daphne finally gets the ducklings to hatch, by threatening to put her boiling rump on them. They emerge just in time for Porky to come witness the event. One egg has not hatched completely yet. Porky grabs it to keep the unborn from hurting itself and it hatches at last. This duckling is…special. I can’t help but just watch him uncomfortably. He nods his head when saying no, and shakes it when saying yes. He moves his neck around like he’s struggling to hold his head up. It’s a shame too, as he might be the funniest part of the short. Daphne meanwhile, has become aware of her husbands alcohol consumption. (Partly because Daffy bluntly admits it) The youngest during this time has just accepted a ride from a strange bird. (Maybe he just is playing. Most predators don’t allow their prey to ride on their backs.) Despite being up in the sky when he whispers goodbye to his mother, she hears him and begs Daffy to rescue their child. Tipsy he might be, Daffy is not a father to be messed with and catches up to the raptor. He takes his son back, but the bigger bird has friends that are happy to help and they chase Daffy. The poor duckling is dropped (although this does lead to the best line of the short: “I’m flying.”) With Daphne too busy being hysterical, It’s up to Porky to save the day. (He does of course. Porky is amazing) The accipiters chase Daffy back home and lock themselves in with him. Porky gets a club and opens the door to save his pal. But Daffy is in no danger. He’s shared his liquor with the others and they are all happily wasted.

Personal Rating: 3

April 25, 2017July 5, 2020

Gold Diggers of ’49

“YEEOOWHOOPEE!”

Supervision by Fred Avery; (His directorial debut in fact) Animation by Bob Clampett and Charles Jones; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1936.

In the year that the title names, we see a town so poor they have crossed the “Gold” part out of their name, leaving the place known as Ville. But one brave youth dares to go out and dig for the stuff to rebuild their economy: Beans the Cat! His girlfriend, Kitty believes in him and rushes home to tell her father the news. Her father is Porky. (This is still Beans’ short, I wasn’t lying last week) Being so early in Porky’s career, he is really fat. And his voice isn’t sped up. Also, I can’t tell if he’s wearing pants or not. His legs are a different color than his arms here. Plus there’s the fact that he is somehow Kitty’s father. (I guess he adopted) But let’s check in on Beans and see how he is doing, shall we? Well, he finds the stuff and alerts the whole town. Porky may love his food, but that won’t stop him from joining in the fun and he joins everyone for a day of digging. (I love the cars the people had in 1849. So retro) At their digging spot, we get some pretty dang good gags. (Thank you, Avery) Porky finds a nugget fast, and puts it in his pocket. Reaching into the hole again, he keeps grabbing the same nugget. Beans meanwhile has found a chest. It only contains a book though, titled “How to find gold.” (Which comprises of one sentence: “Dig for it!” Brilliant!) While everyone digs the honest way, the Billy Bletcher Bandit spies a bag of Porky’s and takes it for his own. Porky must have that bag back and promises Beans Kitty’s hand in marriage if he succeeds. Porky will stay behind and go with him in spirit. (Plus, this is a great time to convince Warner Bros. that he is more star material than Beans is. I mean…he’s too distraught to go!) Beans likes the idea and drives off after the thief. His guns don’t have much effect though, as the crook is wearing an armored butt cover. (“Also known as a “Steel Seat.”) To make matters worse, Bean’s car runs out of fuel. What’s a feline to do? Pour some firewater in the tank! Properly juiced up, the car is now fast enough to catch up to the burglar and grab him and the bag, turning back to get Porky and heading to his home. He is true to his word and lets Beans get his hands on that pus…actually, I’m above that joke. Beans in return gives Porky his bag of gold. Gold? Nah, Porky loves his daughter more than that, to give her up for a sack of rocks. That was his lunch bag that was stolen.

Personal Rating: 4

April 18, 2017July 5, 2020

Porky’s Double Trouble

“Why, you’re not Porky Pig!”

Supervision by Frank Tashlin; Story by George Manuel; Animation by Joe D’Igalo; Musical Direction by Carl Stalling. A Looney Tune realeased in 1937.

A criminal has escaped from Alcarazz prison. Its a pig known as the Killer and though he is spotted, he manages to escape. His gang hides out at an abandoned girl’s school and is well aware of their boss’s big break. Just then, an attractive woman shows up claiming to have a message from Killer. The guys waste no time in letting her in. The message is this: “Don’t trust ladies.” Surprise! It was the Killer in drag all along! He takes a peek at the paper to see his story, and finds something else interesting. Seems Porky has finally been promoted from janitor to bank teller in only 15 years! (You may think this is a slow news day, but you’re wrong. Porky is the kind of guy whose birthday should be a national holiday. What did you do on March 9th?) Killer (whose real name I will guess is Hammy Hog) notices the similarities betwen the two. (Aside from the fact Porky shaves and that I’d be willing to date him if I was gay, they could be identical twins) Killer hatches an idea and fills the others in on it. The bank that Porky works at meanwhile, is the “Worst National Bank.” He loves his job. The clients are nice, and Petunia the secretary keeps asking him on dates. (Don’t worry. This is the last time she looks so weird. She gets a cute makeover once Clampett takes over) Porky is shy though, and can’t accept opting to go have lunch instead. (Food doesn’t judge) On the way, he sees a lady who is having car trouble. Porky is all around talented and offers to fix it up for her. She in turn kidnaps him. Surprise! It was the Killer in drag all along! Taking Porky back to the hideout, he steals his clothes (don’t freak out. He left Porky’s underwear alone. He’s not a weirdo) and tells of his grand plan. He’ll keep all the deposits, and once people figure out what is going on, Porky will be the one in trouble. Heading back to the bank, Killer gets in place and happily pockets everyone’s belongings. He even responds to Petunia with a perfect impersonation of Porky. She asks him out again, but not being as shy as Porky (or as charming, or as gentleman like, or…) he just steals a kiss from her. Petunia isn’t dumb and knows at once that this isn’t her beloved Porky. She calls the police while Killer escapes back to his hideout. (If he only kept his hormones in check, he could have kept this going at least until I visited. I don’t fall for fake Porky’s) The cops were following close behind though, as they find the place. Exchanging bullets, Porky’s bonds are shot and finding himself free, he begins to kick @$$. (Beating up thugs is no more difficult than fixing cars. You learn a lot from 15 years of janitorial work.) He gets to the killer just as the police and Petunia break in. The cops are not as smart as she is, and can’t tell which pig is which. (Well, to be fair, I wouldn’t think the pig in just is underwear is Porky right away either. He doesn’t do things like that) Petunia can figure it out though. Asking one of them out, gets another shy response. Petunia however, has become a b*tch again and decides she prefers Killer. Porky proves that he can kiss just as well if not better by giving her one himself. Still preferring the other guy she opts to wait for him. (Theory! Petunia’s makeover is no coincidence! Warner Bros. got a new Petunia because Porky deserves it! Wow, my Porky fanboyism is out of control today. Maybe I should blog about Beans again next week.)

Personal Rating: 3

April 4, 2017July 5, 2020

Polar Pals

“♬Singin’ in the ba-bath-t-tu-shower!♬”

Supervision by Robert Clampett; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by John Carey; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1939

I bet you didn’t know that Porky once lived at the north pole! The place is so cold, that his alarm clock wears mittens on its hands. After ringing, we see that his polar bear fur covered bed is still alive. Porky doesn’t kill animals, they love him enough to sleep with him. (His heart still belongs to Petunia though, if that picture on his wall is any indication.) After a quick shower, (Yeah, Porky flashes the camera, but he’s already taken. So back away from the screen, girls.) He puts on his clothes and heads outside to join his pals. Porky is so loved that some penguins came from all the way on the other side of the globe to hang out with him. (That’s the only explanation, considering after letters, numbers, and colors, the next thing we teach kids is that penguins and polar bears live at opposite poles.) All of the natural wildlife love him! But how do these creatures manage to survive sub-zero temperatures? Simple! They rub noses! The love keeps them warm. (Does the term “Eskimo Kiss” even exist anymore? I’ve always known it, but nowadays no one else seems to.) All the animals live in harmony because of this rule. Except for the penguin who pops a walrus’ nose with its beak. (Friendly though this place may be, it looks a little too cold for me. My idea of winter is turning the air conditioner on in summer.) There’s danger out there though. A fur trapper named I. Killem (I for Ichabod obviously) has his sights set on the creatures. All he can see is fur coats with price tags attached. He fires and the animals try to flee. But he is a pretty good marksmen and manages to get some targets. A penguin loses its shadow to the bullets, and a drunken walrus claims to be fine. (A drink is all it takes to prove that notion wrong.) Killem even mows down penguin like bowling pins. A couple of animals try to take him on with guns of their own. (Porky has trained them well) But this just gives Killem a group target to aim for, turning them into mounted heads and rugs. Porky does his best to defend his pals. (Little known fact: Porky started Greenpeace) His gun may not have the same rapid rate, but it is up to the task. While Killem ducks behind a snowbank, Porky keeps firing at the snow behind him. He chisels out a mallet which clobbers the hunter. Deciding to leave, he finds he can’t as Porky also sunk his ship. So he decides to steal the kayak he just found. Unfortunately for him, he finds it is actually a whale. Finding a blockage in its blowhole, it “blows its nose” and launches Killem away from them all. Porky is so happy that he jumps up and down. This causes him to fall through the ice and freeze solid.

Personal Rating: 3

March 28, 2017July 5, 2020

Porky at the Crocadero

“Today… you are a ham!”

Supervision by Frank Tashlin; Story by Lew Landsman; Animation by Volney White; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1938

No relation to the also awesome “Quasi at the Quackadero.” (Wish that was a Looney Tune, so I could blog about it) The Crocadero in question is based on the “Trocadero Ballroom” Porky is outside and excited to see that many conductors are scheduled to be playing that night. It’s Porky’s dream to be a conductor! (Isn’t a conductor what you do when you can’t play an instrument? Like how a coach can’t play a sport and someone who can’t draw blogs about animation?) His heroes include Leopold Stokowski (Whose name I’m actually bothering to spell right for once) Rudy Vallee, and Benny Goodman. He idolizes them so much, he imitates them all. But there is one thing to dampen his glee. It’s $25.00 for a plate at this place. (Fifty cents more gets you food on the plate) Porky can’t afford that, so he slumps off. But God is on his side, as he finds that the club is hiring and he rushes in. He gets the job because why wouldn’t he? And he begins washing the dishes. His boss (some sort of aquatic mammal. I’d like to say walrus, but he has too much neck and no tusks, so maybe he’s a sea otter.) He tells Porky to get his work done, and he just might be able to watch the music. But there’s a fly in the ointment. Actually, in the kitchen. Porky tries to get it which results in him breaking many dishes. He is fired. (And I begin sharpening my aquatic mammals carving knife) But God is still on Porky’s side as there are no conductors for the eager crowd and the boss has received a telegram saying that they won’t make it. The boss has a good idea! Get Porky back! His fly swatting did look an awful lot like conducting. He heads out to get him back “Schnell!” (Which, a randomly appearing narrator tells us, means “fast.”) He catches up to the pig and brings him back. (Of course, since the crowd is expecting other people, Porky will have to be in several disguises.) Good thing he takes to impersonating his heroes so much! He acts as Paul Whiteman (with some added gut) and gets some jazz going. A penguin waiter (there is no other kind in cartoons) has his drink stolen by a trombone player, and some lesbian kangaroos dance. (They must be lesbian! They both have pouches!) As Guy Lumbago (Guy Lambardo) Porky has his “Boiled Kanadians” sing “Summer Nights” rather shakily. (The audience dances to the beat) And as Cob Howlaway (Cab Calloway) Porky puts on some blackface. Which… actually doesn’t look too racist here. Maybe it’s just because I’m a Porky worshiping fanboy, but he looks pretty tame. The lips aren’t too exaggerated and it’s always fun to see Cab referenced. Good work Porky! He sings Chinatown (even dressing up as a Chinese Stereotype at one point. Less charming) while the band plays along. A turtle makes his body a banjo, a rabbit plays two pianos at once, (with his paws and ears) and a goat plays his beard when his violin breaks. The penguin waiter meanwhile, (who has been having his drinks stolen throughout the whole time) finally one ups the thief by drinking the drink himself.

Personal Rating: 3 (Unless you really know old conductors. Then it’s a 4)

March 21, 2017March 12, 2023

I’ve Got to Sing a Torch Song

“One, two, one two. Breathe Deeply!”

Supervision by Tom Palmer; Animation by Jack King; Music by Bernard Brown and Norman Spencer. A Merrie Melody released in 1933

Once upon a time, there was an invention called the radio. It was THE form of entertainment back in the day. In fact, entire families would do their aerobics in front of it. While others got their exercise in more creative ways like tightening their wife’s girdles or rocking their children to sleep. But there was more than just exercise programs on the radio. Here, many singers who are legends today, got their starts on the radio. Like Cros Bingsby who would sing in the tub to the delight of women everywhere. (This was how many people “viewed” porn before the internet) And the radio wasn’t only popular in America. Wherever there were people, there were radios. In Shanghai, the police listened to it to be aware of any crimes being committed. (And tying it into a knot if it disturbed their naps) Cannibals would tune in to listen to recipes about how to prepare Marx Bros. soup. And even up in the frozen north, the Inuits listen to it while they fished. If they caught a whale by accident, their radio could become lodged in the creature’s blowhole. (They didn’t seem to mind though) The radio was so popular that people would rather listen to it, than watch scantily clad women dance in front of them. The title of this post was the name of a song that was sung by many female celebrities at the time, like Greta Garbo and Mae West. Even Lady Liberty couldn’t help but join in. Finally, the time was even told by a man who looked an awful lot like Ed Wynn. (But I guess this was when he was much younger as he doesn’t even SOUND like Ed Wynn.) Or maybe it could be his father? The entire family looks exactly the same.

Personal Rating: 2

March 14, 2017July 5, 2020

Milk and Money

“Things l-look p-p-pretty d-dark, son.”

Supervision by Fred Avery; Animation by Charles Jones and Virgil Ross; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released in 1936.

(Realized, that comments weren’t given a option to be posted. So comment away if you wish! But no trolls, please. I feed them to higher life forms. Like sea sponges)

Porky and his dad own a farm. (Porky and his dad are both being voiced by Doughtery instead of Mel. No disrespect to Joe, but it really sounds like his stutter is hurting him. I hope he had a nice life after Mel improved upon his performance in every way possible.) Things tend to be pretty slow here, and I mean that literally. The horse plods along at a sloth’s pace. Things only really pick up thanks to Hank. He’s a horsefly. (And he looks just like one too! What do you mean, they have six limbs and don’t have horse heads? After last week’s post, I’m just happy to see an insect with the correct number of wings.) Hank is “Hank”ering for a bite of horse butt. (Logic dictates that the horse be named Henry.) Once bitten, Henry tears around the farm and finishes the plowing. But bigger problems are on the way. A one Mr. Viper by name has come to tell them that the farm is being foreclosed unless they can give him the money they owe by tomorrow. (He confides to us that he doesn’t think they can do it, before literally slithering back to his horse.) Porky Sr. is despondent, but Porky offers to go the city and get the money, because he is just such a good boy. He heads to the “Fuller Water Milk co.” and applies for a milkman position. Because this is Porky we’re talking about, he is hired right away. However, he is warned that he is not to break one bottle or he will have to be fired. Hank meanwhile, is not happy to find his primary food source is gone. The horse was at least kind enough to leave a note saying where he went, so Hank follows. In the city, Porky is cheerfully making his round unaware of the cats that are stealing his wares. (You may think there are two of them, but there is an endless supply. You see, I traveled back in time and am just off screen snapping their necks one by one. Why don’t I try and help my pal? Because that would change the future for the worse. The last time I did that, Donald Trump ended up as president.) Hank manages to catch up to the two and gives Henry another bite. The horse runs into a post and breaks up the remainder of the bottles. (Must resist urge to kill Hank! Must…resist…) Heading home, Henry is attracted to some oats at a racetrack and heads in. Good thing it was an empty stall, as no one is there to tell Porky that he’s not supposed to be part of this race. Turns out the prize is $10,000.00 and there’s no joke about not getting all of it this time. If only his horse was a bit faster. Where’s a horsefly when you need one? Not to worry, Hank has room for seconds and another bite sends Henry around the track so fast, he wins first place. Come the next day, Mr. Viper is gleefully watching the last minute tick by. Where is Porky? He’s coming. He took a little extra time to spend some prize money on a limo for him and Henry. (Even Hank gets a cute little chair) Porky pays the snake-man his due and although angry, he is at least civil enough to thank the pig. Hank then redeems himself to me by giving Viper a bite. (The rich horseflies don’t settle for horse meat.)

Personal Rating: 3