Author: Dr. Foolio

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Termite Terrace Gag Reels

“You’re the god-damnest thing!”

I don’t know about you, but I for one am not too fond of work Christmas parties. Too much unwarranted joy for my tastes. (I can’t fathom the idea of being happy while cold) But say you worked at Termite Terrace back in the day? If these two glimpses into their place of employment were any indication, these people were a blast to work with. Both of these films were shown at the Christmas parties that were held there. Our first one comes from 1939.

Things start off great! Schlesinger himself is having a grand time with a Porky doll. (NEEEEEED!) For all the horror stories I’ve heard about Mr. Schlesinger, it seems that he was quite the ham and loved to be part of all these. Everyone was a ham! (Which means they have to eat kosher, lest they be labeled cannibals) Next is a shot of the happy employees coming to work. (Treg Brown, Chuck Jones, Ben Hardaway, among others) You might think they aren’t pleased to be there, because of the grumbling. That’s just because Henry Binder is marching them in with a rifle. When it’s time to leave, they sadly do. (They mask their pain well) And yes, this part is seen in “You ought to be in Pictures.” 

Binder does a bit dressed like Groucho, Carl Stalling plays a clarinet (or maybe it’s an oboe.) in his head, and one man asks another a question. He in turns asks a woman. She asks another woman, who asks another man, who asks Leon. He knows the answer to this question we weren’t allowed to hear: “yes.” The answer travels back to the original asker who is pleased to hear it. He heads to the restroom.

I guess Dave Mohannan isn’t too pleased with his job, as he tries to escape to Fleischers. Henry and his gun keep him on the winning team. And Tex Avery drinks too much. In the Inking department, the ladies are hard at work. They look a bit like men in drag to me, but then, I hardly have conversations with women. Maybe they all look like this up close? The one who looks like Tex thinks he is cute, and the one who looks like Bob Clampett drinks paint. (And Binder comes around to check their rears out)

Speaking of Binder, he is also in charge of interviewing potential new talent. One woman comes in to show off some of her stuff. By which I mean what the job actually calls for. Binder keeps looking down her blouse. Eventually he pulls her into his lap. Seeing as how she was a married woman, he soon gets reacquainted with his gun pal.

Personal Rating: 2 (Unless you are a Looney-tic, then it’s a 4 for letting us see these nuts in action.)

“Gwate stuff!”

This next reel came out a year later. And everyone here is playing themselves, so apologies in advance if you thought you were being made fun of. (Believe me, if we WERE making fun of you, we’d make sure you’d know) Those rascally employees are still at it. Can’t go wrong with giving each other a hot foot. (Even Leon joins in this game) Stalling composes music for upcoming “Merrie Melodies” and we get another glimpse at the ladies of the place. (The year has been kind to them. They look a lot more hot! The downside is they cluck now)

Binder still takes care of interviewing. He’s really reeled things in since last time as he hardly reacts to the woman stripping for him. (This woman was rotoscoped and her likeness would be used in Avery’s “Cross Country Detours.”) When her butt is revealed, Binder finally pays attention. (He has a lot of tongue. I knew non-toons could do that) 3:00 is relaxing time for the employees. Some play ball, others fence. (Don’t worry about the sword in his chest. I’m sure he can still work) But most of the employees play a game that everyone can play: face sucking. (Mel, I love ya, but fake kissing noises REALLY irritate me. Knock it off.) And in case any of you are trying to play “shipping” with these people, just know that couples one, three and four did actually end up married. So you can take the the holidays off.

The film is so self aware, that it can show the viewers footage of themselves at the actual party. Many people are dancing. (Poor Ted Pierce. He loses his pants) And they couldn’t resist having people of varying heights dance with each other. (Friz Freleng makes up what he lacks in height with his future Oscar wins) Someone tries to flirt with Tex, but the poor guy just can’t give in to temptation. (But he will abandon us for MGM.) And in the true meaning of Christmas, those who refused to actually give gifts, still at least wish some season greetings to everyone.

And of course, we end on the most tasteful joke ever imagined. Leon says he is off to the bowl. By which he meant the toilet. (Judging by the sign he puts up, I think it’s best to put the commode out of its misery.) Enjoy your holidays!

Personal Rating: Ditto as above

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Wild Wife

“A giant chocolate malt, please.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Rod Scribner, Phil DeLara, Charles McKimson, and Herman Cohen; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling.  A Merrie Melody released on February 20, 1954.

Our week long commercial is finally over, now back to “Amazing animals, exciting encounters, interesting ideas, obscure oddities and unique uh…ther things!” With your host, Gabby Yacksby.

Welcome back to our show. Today, we have been fortunate enough to obtain a transcript sent in by my creator, Dr. Foolio. In it, he recounts an encounter he had studying wild Homo sapiens in their natural habitat. His words, are as follows:

In a lovely house, the matriarch of the group has just collapsed from a very stressful day. (I won’t lie. She is hot! She definitely matches my description of a MILF. That means, a “mother I’d like a sandwich from”, right?) Having had followed her through out it, I can confirm. Her mate arrives shortly afterwards, and they exchange pleasantries. In this species, all members of the family have certain jobs to do. While the adult male goes out into the world to secure the means necessary for food and shelter, and the children prepare their minds for their own futures, the adult female is left in charge of many much smaller, but no less important tasks. Seems she forgot to do one: mowing the lawn. Upon hearing this, her mate flies into a rage and accuses her of never contributing to the upkeep. Standing her ground, she regales him with what transpired earlier in the day.

6:00 A.M.: After a night of trying to sleep through her mate’s constant snoring, the adult female awakes to prepare breakfast for the family. It is also her responsibility to wake all the members of the family up. Her offspring do not thank her for the sustenance, and her mate hardly looks her in the eye. He must leave to fulfill his role in society. He leaves while kissing his offspring, mate, and dog. (And the mailman.)

7:00 A.M.:  A clean habitat is a healthy one, so the female gets out a vacuum that was a gift from the male. It looks too complicated for me, what with all the attachments. She manages to get it running, but neglected to attach a bag, and now must sweep up all that she sucked up.

9:00 A.M.: She leaves the house and heads to a bank. She is to deposit some checks for her mate. Upon arriving, she finds a massive line leading up to the teller. To her luck, a new line opens up. Unfortunately, she doesn’t make it to the front in time, as an elderly female beats her to the punch. Said woman plans to deposit $200.00 in pennies. It takes so long that the other line diminishes. By the time she tries to take advantage of the now empty other line, she finds herself behind another woman depositing pennies.

12:30 P.M.: Having just finished purchasing a few things, the subject goes to eat. Her diet of choice is simple sugars served in liquid form. Like the noble hummingbird, she needs all the energy to keep up with her demanding workload.

1:00 P.M.: Not forgetting the rest of the family, she buys enough to keep them well fed for the upcoming week. After filling up her automobile, the food empties onto the pavement when she opens up the other door.

2:00 P.M.: To keep her mate attached to her, the female of the species regularly pretties herself up so he won’t be attracted to younger species who have larger breasts, and rounder buttocks. She pulls up to a beauty parlor, (doing a much better job at parallel parking than I could ever hope to achieve) and learns all the latest gossip. A pivotal skill that all her kind must learn. Of course, she must make repeat trips outside to feed more nickels into the parking meter.

3:00 P.M.: Unbeknownst to the female, two guys from the city have arrived to remove the parking meter. (One of which is capable of teleporting himself out of their vehicle) They put a fire hydrant in place of the meter. When the female exits, she finds her vehicle being ticketed by a police officer.

5:00 P.M.: And so we come back to where my notes began. Despite her tough day, her mate does not cut her any slack. As it turns out, she also bought him a present: A rolling pin that she whacks him with.

Conclusion: This species seems dangerous when provoked. (Just like the best animals) Seeing as how I scare easily and provoke on a daily basis, I doubt I shall ever attempt to take a mate of my own. End notes.

That was interesting. I don’t think I’ll ever show up again. I didn’t really contribute anything, and have my own things to do on Sundays. Good night.

Personal Rating: 3

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Goo Goo Goliath

“He’s a heavy one, isn’t he?”

https://www.b98.tv/video/goo-goo-goliath/

Directed by I. Freleng; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Art Davis, Manuel Perez, Ken Champin, and Virgil Ross; Layouts by Hawley Pratt; Backgrounds by Irv Wyner; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on September 18, 1954.

Time for another delivery, courtesy of the stork. (Did you think babies came from outer space? What idiot told you that?) The bird in charge of the latest baby doesn’t look like he’s the best candidate. Having recently finished one delivery, and given glasses of champagne for his troubles. Nonetheless, he takes his bundle and flies off. It’s a rather large baby, as he is intended for the giant couple who lives at the top of the beanstalk. The inebriated bird gives up by the time he reaches Greentown and opts to just drop the child off at the only pink house located for miles.

Luckily for everyone, the stork’s logic of “never seeing any couple not want a baby” pulls through and our couple (Ethel and John) happily take the kid in. (We’re never explicitly told whether or not they actually were supposed to have a kid) And the majority of this picture is showing the hi-jinks that ensue with a baby who is born large, and soon grows larger.  Bouncing him on your leg will break every bone in said leg, he feasts upon gallons of milk and when he moves on to solid food, it is delivered via cement mixer, and they sidestep any tasteless gags they COULD make by just showing a delivery of a diaper that needs two men to carry. Although I must admit, I’ve always wondered similar things about Clifford the dog. I can’t help it, I’m a zoologist! And going back to that last point, isn’t it a little TOO big? How much is needed? I’m no expert on kids!

Dᴀᴅ? I ᴛʜɪɴᴋ I’ᴍ sɪᴄᴋ.

Just wait it out. If you die, that means you were too weak to survive.

More gags follow. The baby (who does look cute, I’ll give him that. But I’m not naming him. That’s a job for his parents.) gets bathed in the pool, uses tires as teething rings, and can push his dad to work when the car doesn’t start. (I guess it just gets towed home each night?) But babies will be babies, and our outstanding parents leave the gate open one day, so he wanders off on his own. (At least they do have the sense to call the police.) It’s like “Honey, I blew up the kid.” (Going off on another unrelated tangent, that movie annoys me. The kid was a danger to countless people as well as himself! Why shouldn’t people be allowed to tranquilize him? Plus, shooting annoying children is always a plus in my book)

Tʜᴀᴛ ᴇxᴘʟᴀɪɴs ᴀ ʟᴏᴛ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ.

*gunshot*

Despite the fact it’s been several weeks if not months by now, the stork is just BARELY going after the kid. (And apparently is going to keep his job. I bet you could write a fascinating book about the stork’s labor union.) And I think they sneak in a subtle reference to why some people are infertile, as the stork says no more babies are to be delivered until this is fixed. He finds the kid asleep in the arms of lady liberty. Impressively, he manages to hoist the titanic toddler up to his real home. (Mr. Giant has been having to make do with a miniature baby. It’s like trying to raise a Lego figurine.) The stork then finishes up by giving the smaller baby to what his still tipsy body identifies as its new home: a kangaroo. (Despite how slimy it probably is in there, the baby seems happy. What a trooper!)

Personal Rating: 3

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Rocket-Bye Baby

“Somebody goofed.”

Directed by Chuck Jones; Story by Tedd Pierce; Animation by Ken Harris, Abe Levitow, and Ben Washam; Layouts by Ernie Nordli; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Effects Animation by Harry Love; Film Editor: Treg Brown; Musical Direction by Milt Franklyn. A Merrie Melody released on August 4, 1956.

Back in the year of 1954, the planets of Earth and Mars got a little too close to each other. Because of this, two babies, both of whom were heading towards the planets got intercepted and each ended up heading to the other one. (That’s right! Babies come from space. You didn’t really think a stork delivered them, did you?)

Enter Joseph Wilbur. He’s about to become a father. While nervous, he is also quite happy. So when he is called to see his new child, he is quite excited. His kid is really cute. (When Jones draws something that is supposed to be cute, it is DANG cute.) Chubby body, little eyelashes, big smile. Oh yes, and green skin and antennae. (Perfectly normal for that age. I’m sure it will clear up by his teens.)

Father is a little bit ashamed to of his offspring. But Martha, the wife, won’t have any excuses and sends the two off for a afternoon stroll. Those antennae are marvelous things! They allow the infant to communicate with insects and act as an extra pair of limbs. Perfect for taking an old ladies glasses off, and giving them a try. For some reason, the broad goes into hysterics. Maybe Dad had a reason to be so wary?

Martha also soon sees that the kid is much more different than your usual baby. He does income tax, builds molecule models, and predicts the possibilities of hurricanes thirty years into the future. You’d think most parents would be over the moon to find their kid gifted with such intelligence, but they are more in the “worried” camp. Considering we humans don’t especially like strange things that can’t be explained, it’s probably for the best that they try to make him take up more age appropriate activities: like TV watching. Seeing “Captain Shmideo” holding up a toy spaceship inspires the lad to make his own. (I’d think that the parents would freak out again, but this time they are more impressed than anything. Hypocrites.)

Later, they get a message. From Mars of all places! Turns out, they have the wrong baby. The Martians would like to exchange the two. (Given how self-sufficient the Mars variety is, they are probably going insane with all care they have to supply the Earthling with. On another note, at least the Martians bothered to give both babies names. Joseph and Martha couldn’t even be bothered to do that. So from now on, our green baby is Mot and the one we never see is Yob)

Wouldn’t it be interesting if it turned out that the Wilbur’s actually decided they loved the kid they were given? Well, that’s not happening. It’s the 1950s! What makes you think a white suburban couple would want to look after a child who dared to be part of a different race? Sign them up for the exchange! Only one problem: Mot’s ship he was building actually works, and Joseph has to chase after him. The Martians aren’t going to give him squat if he doesn’t hold up his end of the bargain. Despite Jo’s efforts, the chase ends with him missing his chance to grab the baby and falling out of a open window several stories up. Mot meanwhile, makes his way aboard the (in this case probably literal) mother ship. They got what they came for, they leave. (They’re probably just going to eat Yob)

But Joseph doesn’t die, because it was all a dream. He is back at the hospital and goes to look at his normal human baby. But before you get upset for the use of the most cliched of twist endings, do note the band on the babies wrist. It must be in some kind of foreign language. I mean, what on Earth does “Yob” mean?

Personal Rating: 4

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It’s Hummer Time

“I tawt I taw a putty-tat.”

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Warren Foster; Animation by Rod Scribner, J.C. Melendez, Charles McKimson, Phil DeLara, and John Carey; Layouts by Cornett Wood; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Effects Animation by Harry Love; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on July 22, 1950.

The plot for this picture: a cat trying to catch a hummingbird of all creatures. (It’s like chasing a chicken nugget. I want a short where a spider tries to catch one of these birds, as flies won’t cut it anymore.) The bird isn’t dumb enough to swim in the birdbath the cat is holding, and flies off after squirting him in the face. The cat (who can also be found in “A Fractured Leghorn” and “Early to Bet.”) gives chase, but ends up sinking his claws into a dog. Much like in the latter of the two shorts up there, the dog subjects the cat to various punishments. Only here, the cat doesn’t get any say in things. First up: being pulled through a hole in a fence.

As the cat hunts with net in hand, the bird flies close to the dogs head. With them both being on one side of a wall, the cat swings but gets the dog. Now he must attend a birthday party for himself. He doesn’t even have to share the cake! (The candles are explosives though) Next, he ties a flower onto a balloon and tries to fish for the bird. Said bird paints the cats face on it and brings it to the dog’s attention. When he pulls the string, the cat reels him in. This earns him a trip down a drain pipe.

Is this really worth all the trouble? Well, given a hummingbird’s diet, I suppose they are the cat equivalent of candy. (Like a flying Bit-O-Honey) So the cat chases the bird over near the dog’s house. There, he makes the mistake of laying a paw on the dog’s bones. That’s earned him a trip into a cement mixer. (Normally, that would be horrific way to go, but here it just freezes him in cement.)

Now really, in a universe where a dog can collect monetary rewards, why can’t the cat just go BUY something to eat? You know, that is an excellent question. So, the bird sticks one of his feathers into the dog’s mouth and so the cat has no other option but to take a peek inside and see if there is anything left. (He’s not dumb enough to open the mouth on his own. He uses sneeze powder. But really, why is he afraid of the dog? Notice how he phases out of existence when doing this.) The dog has had enough, and prepares to subject the cat to “the works.” Here, the cat has a rope tied around his tail, that will take him through the fence, through several other obstacles (including a drainpipe) and landing him in the cement mixer once more. Neither of them notice the bird who ties some extra rope to the dog’s leg and the cat’s body. Unaware, the dog ends up dragged into the machine with his victim. The bird then sets it to birdbath, and gets a nice new place to bathe.

Personal Rating: 3

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The Oily American

“Your thomashawk, sir.”

https://www.topcartoons.tv/the-oily-american/

Directed by Robert McKimson; Story by Sid Marcus; Animation by Phil DeLara, Charles McKimson, Herman Cohen, and Rod Scribner; Layouts by Robert Givens; Backgrounds by Richard H. Thomas; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc; Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on July 10, 1954.

One of the reasons I love cartoons so much, is that they are weird and can get away with it. But sometimes, they’re less “weird” and more “odd.” In other words, the cartoon is weird, but you can’t necessarily just write it off as cartoon logic. That brings us to today’s featured short.

Moe Hican is as his name suggests, a Native American. And as the title suggests, he is something of an oil baron. He has so much of the stuff, he has at least two decorative fountains on his property, spouting the black gold instead of water.  So what does a multi-billionaire do to occupy his time? He hunts, but he does so in a rather “unique” way. He has animals shipped to his house, and released inside. That way he doesn’t have to… actually, it’s not said WHY he does it this way, but I suppose it means he doesn’t need to drive anywhere.

Joined by Jarvis the butler, he turns on a stream in his house and heads to the forest room. (He is rich enough to afford that, AND replace the furniture the water is going to ruin. I suppose if I had as much money as him, I’d do random dumb crap too.) Today’s game is a moose. (Which seems rather redundant, seeing as he already has a deer head on his wall. And last I checked, moose are deer!) The moose is question looks a lot like he escaped from a Disney cartoon, as he is a midget if ever a moose was one. (There isn’t really anything in the story that requires him being so small, but this way he matches Moe in height.)

Our American hero tries to lure his prey out with a moose call, but his prey has a call of his own that calls out to Native American, oil-drenched, bachelors. (You’d be surprised at how many of those things get sold on a yearly basis.) Moe follows it up a tree, whereupon the moose saws it down with his antlers. And just because he is an animal, that doesn’t mean that he is going to stay in the forest room. There is a whole mansion to tear through! (But the majority of the rest of the short takes place back in said room. Why not take advantage of it?)

Jarvis helps out as best as he can, but all of Moe’s weapons come back to hurt him. He dutifully returns them as a good butler should and gets to keep any injuries he gets for his troubles. Ultimately though, he decides that he has had enough, and resigns. Moe doesn’t care much. With as much money as he has, he can easily buy another Jarvis. (Or at least pay someone to change their name to Jarvis.) He chases his prey outside and shoots one last arrow. Somehow, it hits Jarvis’s plane and sends it to the ground. Now that he is no longer employed by the man, Jarvis has every right to spank him. So he does.

Good thing the premise is plenty… original I guess. Otherwise, this would have been a fairly basic chase cartoon.

Personal Rating: 3

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Chow Hound

“I’ve gotta get more food!”

https://dai.ly/x6dz8g3

Directed by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Phil Monroe, Ben Washam, Lloyd Vaughan, and Ken Harris; Layouts by Peter Alvarado; Backgrounds by Philip DeGuard; Voice Characterization by Mel Blanc (Bea Benaderet); Musical Direction by Carl W. Stalling. A Looney Tune released on June 16, 1951.

One of the hundred greatest, and possibly Jones’ darkest picture ever!

Butch the cat is put out for the night after a nice steak dinner. But as soon as he is outside, he appears terrified. And he has good reason to be. A dog demands the steak that it turns out, he didn’t eat. You’d think that’d be it, but the dog (who I will name after his voice actor, John T. Smith, who we’ve seen in “Water, water, Every Hare”, “Homeless Hare”, and “Bunny Hugged”.) is not through with him.

They stop at a different house. John pretties up Butch and sends him to the door. The woman living there identifies the cat as Harold. (Which leads me to wonder what his name REALLY is. And while I’m on this tangent, if animals could talk, would they name themselves?) Despite how loving the lady sounds, she must secretly want the cat dead as she gives him some chicken bones with his dinner. He doesn’t get a bite, John takes it again.

What’s the next stop? Some crummy place where John has another animal held hostage: a mouse. Now the cat (now going by Timothy) will get another meal for his master, by pretending to be a mouser. The mouse doesn’t like this arrangement anymore than the feline, (although he actually begs to be free. Unlike the cat who just takes it) The old man living in the building gives the cat more food, the dog takes it, and the mouse is put back in the can.

The next part of the plan requires it to be daytime, as the local zoo isn’t open at night. (A very pretentious establishment, as they use the term: “Zoological Park” Nice touch guys, wanna give the animals actual environments next?) Feeding time is going on and a keeper tosses various meats to various cats. There appears to be a newly discovered species today: The Saber Toothed Alley Cattus. (Felidae chuckmeat) The keeper isn’t entirely sure about this, but he is paid to feed, not think, so the cat is given another steak. (He tries to hide a firecracker in this one, but it only registers a burp with John)

Seems this has been going on for weeks, and it’s finally getting to John. He’s not getting a conscience or anything stupid like that. He’s just annoyed with how little meat each place actually gives. (In the case of the zoo, I agree. A 10 oz. steak won’t do much for a full grown tiger) I guess this “zoological park” has a history of animals trying to find greener pastures, because they actually have a sign offering rewards for missing animals. This gets John thinking…

The four places mentioned notice their lack of cat and soon they are offering money for its safe return. Read the paper carefully. Not only does the park offer a “liberal” reward, but the first guy is apparently animator Lloyd Vaughn (living at Termite Terrace of course) and the old guy is animator Ken Harris. (Which just strikes me as hilarious for some reason) John puts his master plan into action and returns the cat to each place, and taking away when he leaves. (And these people don’t bat an eye at giving a dog money. I love cartoons) John is clearly enjoying this too, as he returns the zoo animal in the guise of a hunter. (The mouse is humiliated to be roped in again. This time as a racially insensitive pygmy. On another note, John looks awesome with that mustache.)

Success! That liberal reward really must have helped, as the dog now has enough money to ensure he never need worry about food again. His purchase? A meat market of course. Self control? Never heard of that. A cut to an animal hospital reveals that John couldn’t control himself, and ate as much as he could fit in his belly and then some. He is now nearly obese as Piggy Hamhock. The doctors leave, and the dog receives two visitors he really doesn’t need: his slaves.

See, if forcing them to collect food wasn’t enough, he was also constantly berating them for not bringing him any gravy. Well, they got plenty of it now. And John can only stare in horror as they stick a funnel in his mouth, and force feed him the stuff. Ooh! Deliciously dark! No better way to end things. (Not surprisingly, that dog never made another appearance. Dead hounds don’t appeal to many audiences.)

Personal Rating: 4 (Although if we are just grading the ending, that’s a 5)

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Fresh Airdale

“Good old Shep.”

https://www.b98.tv/video/fresh-airedale/

Directed by Charles M. Jones; Story by Michael Maltese; Animation by Ben Washam, Lloyd Vaughan and Ken Harris; Music Direction by Carl Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on August 25, 1945.

What a crummy Halloween. As per the usual, I dressed as Porky and nobody knew who I was. Their guesses ranged from one of Disney’s three little pigs, to Patch Adams. (I’m not joking.) Nothing I ever do gets appreciated.

Cʜᴇᴇʀ ᴜᴘ, ᴅᴀᴅ.

Are you still here? I thought I threw you into my pile of failed experiments, that include my Youtube channel and Deviantart account.

Yᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ɢᴇᴛs ɴᴏ ʀᴇᴄᴏɢɴɪᴛɪᴏɴ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ.

I suppose you are right. Today’s short is a perfect example of that.

As anyone who has talked to me for at least four sentences knows, I think rather highly of dogs, and not at all of cats. Dogs are loyal, cute, lovable, silly, smell nice, have a good sense of smell, and love everyone. Cats… well, they probably taste good. I’m sorry, but I’ve never got the appeal for those things. I don’t think they are cute, they stink worse than any animal I’ve encountered, (and I’ve worked at a zoo before.) they’re the only animals that gross me out (hairballs.) and they killed my fish.

This short is like something I would have directed. A man has two pets: Shep the dog, and a cat who doesn’t deserve a name. So we’ll call him: Boy.

I’ᴅ ᴄʀʏ ɪꜰ ᴛʜɪs ᴅɪᴅɴ’ᴛ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴ ᴏɴ ᴀ ᴅᴀɪʟʏ ʙᴀsɪs.

As I was saying, this man knows how things should work. Shep is given a large piece of tasty meat, while the cat has to make do with a fish skeleton. But that is not enough to fill Shep’s belly, and he steals the man’s dinner too. Boy saw this, and tries to show compassion by giving up his skeleton. The man is not pleased to see this, figuring the cat stole from him. (He definitely would have, in the meantime, he put a bacteria laden corpse on his plate) He throws the useless thing (the cat. the bones could fertilize) outside. (Seriously though, why does he keep the thing if he is just going to berate it? Does he just like having something to punch?)

Shep proves he is the better animal, by offering up his beaten up bone. The man is so moved by this, he gives his faithful dog another piece of meat. Shep is too full for some reason, and tosses this second dinner outside. Boy, now in possession of the meat, tries to return it. (He has some kind of collar. And I thought “The Hep Cat” was the only short where a feline had clothing shaped anatomy.) The man rightfully gets angry, and assumes the cat only is returning the meat out of guilt. (Which he definitely  would have, in the meantime, he is trying to feed his owner some meat that touched the filthy ground.) Before the cat can get another deserved kick, Shep defends him. Proving that he is a better animal. Because of this show of kindness, the man relents. Boy thanks his savior, and is kicked away. (Stupid cat. You live with this dog. You should have known that he doesn’t like touching.)

When the master leaves the house, Shep is the one who guards the place. But since he is such a friendly guy, he allows the suspicious type to try and break in. (Provided that the price is right) Boy notices this, and attacks the trespasser. The worthless creature gets knocked out in the scuffle, so Shep decides it is up to him to have the credit. He puts the cat in a garbage can to rest (where he belongs) and makes it look like he did it all. Shep is now lauded as a hero.

He enjoys his glory, but there is one small hiccup: there is another dog in the paper. And he is the no. 1 dog! (Originally, he was supposed to be FDR’s dog, but then the man went and died right as this short was going to be released, and it just didn’t seem like it would be in very good taste) Shep can’t have that, and he heads for (probably still) D.C. to cement his position. Boy follows, no doubt trying to ruin the poor dog’s already hard life.

Upon arriving, Shep tries to get rid of not Fala. (That’s just dogs being dogs) Boy ruins his plans, and sends the canine tumbling into a lake. Shep can’t swim, so the Scottish Terrier comes to his rescue. But since Shep is a much bigger dog, the little one passes out upon reaching the shore. Shep wakes up first, and makes it look like HE is the one who saved the day. Shep is now the most popular creature in the world! Doing interviews and getting parades! And Boy has to watch it all. Even getting some mud in the face. Serves him right.

Personal Rating: 4

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Bugs Bunny’s Howl-oween Special

“Beware! Beware!”

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5m8c06

Producer: Hal Geer; Directed by David Detiege, Abe Levitow and Maurice Noble; Story by Cliff Roberts; Music by Harper McKay. A TV special aired on CBS on October 26, 1978.

Halloween is such a fun time of year. You can be as macabre as you want and nobody bats an eye. Having any excuse to eat nothing but chocolate is also a bonus. And unlike other holidays, this one doesn’t have any deeper meaning anymore, and is used solely as a fun excuse. And naturally, there are plenty of cartoon treats on the side.

This special consist of clips from other “spooky” themed Looney Tunes and edited together with some new footage. (Sort of like Frankenstein’s monster.) Even if you aren’t the expert on these shorts, like I am, it’s not hard to tell where edits were made. Voices sounding different and animation not syncing up properly.

We start with a bit of “A-haunting we will go.” Right after Daffy’s nephew warns of the real witch, and his uncle drags him out to prove him wrong, we cut to a snippet of “Broom Stick Bunny.” Hazel still invites Bugs in, but doesn’t explain why she is giving him a tea designed to un-uglify someone. Even more confusing, after Bugs reveals himself to be a rabbit, she still wants him to drink, as she sees “that witch” as a threat. (You’ve lost me. Can a rabbit be a witch? And if the two are combined, will that spell the end of all witches?)

Bugs refuses to drink her tea, saying that he only will drink the kind his doctor makes. So, now we jump to a “Hyde and Hare” clip. While Bugs is chased by Hyde, his screams wake up a sleeping Sylvester, and we next jump to an abridged “Hyde and go Tweet.” After that, Bugs has somehow managed to escape Hyde and samples his formula. Now properly scary, he leaves to try and frighten Hazel. She is immune, turns him back to normal, and that makes him fall asleep. Next up: “A witch’s tangled hare.”

After all that, we finally catch up to Daffy arriving at her place, with most of that short being played. It cuts right after Daffy leaves. (Here’s an omission I never noticed before: when Speedy tries to make Daffy drink, the table is gone. But there is still a chunk of Speedy’s clothes missing that is table shaped.)

After all this, Bugs is still not impressed with Hazel’s attempts at being scary. She decides to show him, by frightening the cat that is accompanying Porky who is coming to stay at her house, since she put up a vacancy sign. (She now lives amongst some other buildings? Magic works fast!) So now, we get a mishmash of “Claws for alarm” and “Scaredy Cat” playing. And despite Hazel saying SHE is going to be the one scaring the cat, he runs off when Porky orders him to get out. (Not to mention, was she doing anything? Were all those mice under her control?)

I guess Bugs is convinced, as he offers to team up with her to frighten people, and proposes a toast. Upon drinking she turns into Count Bloodcount and “Transylvania 6-5000” plays. To be fair, they put in some new dialogue here, with Bugs wondering where the witch went, and Hazel speaking instead of the vampire. (But they don’t explain why Bugs is dressed as an umpire suddenly. Unless you’ve seen the original, you’re going to be confused.)

Once back to her self, she chases Bugs as she has had enough of him. (I do love the face he makes as he runs away from her.) This leads to our last clip from “Bewitched Bunny.” This time, once Hazel is transformed, Bugs doesn’t make a sexist remark, and just notes that no one wants to be alone on Halloween. The two then go to share Hazel’s brew.

This special is kind of a mess. The cartoons don’t always flow together neatly, and will probably confuse anyone over the age of five. I’m sure little kids will love it through and through, but that doesn’t include me. Here’s wishing any of you REAL people who read this, a happy Halloween. (Seriously though people. Stop leaving your spam on my website. You’re just wasting your time.)

Personal Rating: 1 (You’re better off just watching the original shorts)

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Lights Fantastic

“It’s Swell!!”

Supervision by I. Freleng; Story by Sgt. Dave Monahan; Animation by Gil Turner; Musical Supervision by Carl W. Stalling. A Merrie Melody released on May 23, 1942.

Light is pretty fantastic stuff. I don’t mean the natural kind you can get from the sun. (That stuff causes cancer!) I mean the artificial kind that people use to give nature the finger, and turn night into diet day. And apart from Vegas, I’d say the best place to experience such a marvel, is New York City. What types of gags might we find just marveling at billboards?

One ad is typed out to us as if on a typewriter. But whoever is in charge of things, sure as heck can’t spell “stewpendaus.” And while you’re enjoying the sights that are lights, why not take a trip to Chinatown? (The bus is built like a rickshaw. At least it’s not as racially insensitive as it could have been.) One ad gives a free sample of what it’s promoting: an eye test! Being able to read the first line means you’re average. (Crap. I can make it out, but I can’t read that mess. Guess I need new contacts.) The next one means “above average” and the one below that is “exceptional!” And if you can read the bottom one, you clearly are a foreigner. (Who would bother to learn another language?)

What would a “Merrie Melody” be without a song number? (Still entertaining.) The ads come to life to serenade us. The featured song is “My High Polished Nose.” (“My Wild Irish Rose”) Next on the playbill: “Laugh, Clown, Laugh” performed by the mascot of Clown cakes and cookies. And as many can jokes as they can make! Coffee cans doing the can-can, while frequently showing off their cans! (Can there be anymore? It just can’t be! So I better can it, lest I get canned.)

One ad tries too hard. It tries to grab your attention with as much neon as they can afford. All for a tiny “Eat at Joe’s” message. (Freleng would use a similar gag in “Holiday for Shoestrings.” (Even using the same music piece.) And since this wasn’t the most story driven short, what better way to end it than with a music party? The dripping of coffee, the shaking of peanuts, and the dinging of a cowbell make an irresistible beat that has the rest of the ads dancing. Ending up with the same shot we began with. (What a bright idea.)

Personal Rating: 3